I am so miserable

[baker333]

Sitting here at my Alma mater again, I had a memory of a girl that could have dated dancing with a guy. The pain shot simultaneously to my heart and stomach. I am not naive to think that I would have married that girl or even falling in love,but I think overcoming ones inertia is healthy. Thirteen years later, here I sit alone, doing the same thing more or less for the last ten years. Is it possible that might be in the same position even if I did asked her out, sure,but I will never now. I really hate my life, I do. I haven't had sex in five years which means I have had to partake in the art of self-satisfaction. The last encounter I had was with girl who I wasn't really attracted to, she was short, plump and had the visage similar to that of a mystic form the movie "Dark Crystal." I didn't take advantage of her because we never had intercourse. We did other things. If some find my directness offensive, I apologize, I am trying to be as appropriate as possible. I am tired,however, of being so polite. The reason I dated the girl because she kept pestering me to go out with her. I also felt bad because frankly I don't like to hurt peoples feelings. I am going to be 36 this summer and what have I done the last ten years???? NOTHING WORTH REMEMBERING!!!! People who I went to college, mainly women, look at me funny. I feel like a big loser most if not all of the time. My therapist is an idiot, she doesn't think outside of the box at all!!!! Given homework is fine,but giving homework and not connecting it to the therapeutic process seems very facile to me. By the way, I live with my mother and father and I am unemployed.

[Kuma]

When you get the feeling that your life sucks, you need to be proactive about making changes so it sucks less. Bemoaning the situation won't get you anyplace. So what changes can you make? Any chance of a job -- at least some part time work? If not, maybe some volunteer work, which might make you feel good about giving back? If hanging at the alma mater brings back bad memories, maybe hang there less? If you don't like the therapist, maybe get a different one? Be proactive about changing the stuff with which you are dissatisfied.

[namaste87]

Hm, I recognice this feeling very very well. I could also make a list of all the things that sucks sucks sucks in my life (and I often do so..). I don't know if you have problems with depression? Depressions do this to your mind - you only see all the things that suck. And when you only see the things that suck it's hard to find strength to change them.

When I am at that state of mind I try to make myself do things I know makes me happy, even if I just want to sleep, sleep, cry, have anxiety attacks and then sleep some more. And when I find some happiness I can see the rest of my life in another light, even if just for a short amount of time. And then I can find other ways of doing the things I do, look at some solutions of my problems. Is there anything creative you like? Mabye you could go to a concert? Or just listen to some loud music? Go to the sea? Go to the movies? Read a book about something that engange you? It might sound simple but for me those things help.

And sex.. Sex is also a BIG trigger for me. It's one of the single most status bringing things in our society (I don't know where you live, but if you live in America for example) and thinking about how little sex you have can make you feel like shit really. When sex is turning in to a thermometer on your self-worth and your lifes worth, it's not fun anymore. And it is supposed to be fun! If it's not - stop chasing it for a while. And to be frank - when you look that way at someone you have sex with, mabye you should give it a rest for a while. Having sex with someone you don't respect is not good for anyone involved. Short and plump people are people to and they deserve respect the same way as you do. And I belive that if you try to look at her with respect, you will look at yourself with more respect to.

You can do it :)!!

[namaste87]

People who I went to college, mainly women, look at me funny. Try to stop looking at yourself through their eyes!! They are probably quite sad about their own lifes to.


My therapist is an idiot, she doesn't think outside of the box at all!!!! Given homework is fine,but giving homework and not connecting it to the therapeutic process seems very facile to me. Be honest with your therapist. They are human to aka. can do wrong, and my experience (and I have a lot of it, hehe..) is that you can solve a lot of problems by talking to them - cause they often are brave and can take critisism. They want the best for you so they listen! So many times I have been thinking that my therapist is an idiot, and then I tell her how I feel and we talk about it and then it's all good :). They often have to tell you things you don't want to hear and can often be quite harsh, but it's because they say things you need to hear.

[gypsylee]

Sitting here at my Alma mater again, I had a memory of a girl that could have dated dancing with a guy. The pain shot simultaneously to my heart and stomach. I am not naive to think that I would have married that girl or even falling in love,but I think overcoming ones inertia is healthy. Thirteen years later, here I sit alone, doing the same thing more or less for the last ten years. Is it possible that might be in the same position even if I did asked her out, sure,but I will never now. I really hate my life, I do. I haven't had sex in five years which means I have had to partake in the art of self-satisfaction. The last encounter I had was with girl who I wasn't really attracted to, she was short, plump and had the visage similar to that of a mystic form the movie "Dark Crystal." I didn't take advantage of her because we never had intercourse. We did other things. If some find my directness offensive, I apologize, I am trying to be as appropriate as possible. I am tired,however, of being so polite. The reason I dated the girl because she kept pestering me to go out with her. I also felt bad because frankly I don't like to hurt peoples feelings. I am going to be 36 this summer and what have I done the last ten years???? NOTHING WORTH REMEMBERING!!!! People who I went to college, mainly women, look at me funny. I feel like a big loser most if not all of the time. My therapist is an idiot, she doesn't think outside of the box at all!!!! Given homework is fine,but giving homework and not connecting it to the therapeutic process seems very facile to me. By the way, I live with my mother and father and I am unemployed.

It seems to be a big deal to you that you haven't had sex in a long time and have to jerk off. I know it's not the only thing you're depressed about but you do mention it a lot. Why is it such an issue?

[baker333]

Hm, I recognice this feeling very very well. I could also make a list of all the things that sucks sucks sucks in my life (and I often do so..). I don't know if you have problems with depression? Depressions do this to your mind - you only see all the things that suck. And when you only see the things that suck it's hard to find strength to change them.

When I am at that state of mind I try to make myself do things I know makes me happy, even if I just want to sleep, sleep, cry, have anxiety attacks and then sleep some more. And when I find some happiness I can see the rest of my life in another light, even if just for a short amount of time. And then I can find other ways of doing the things I do, look at some solutions of my problems. Is there anything creative you like? Mabye you could go to a concert? Or just listen to some loud music? Go to the sea? Go to the movies? Read a book about something that engange you? It might sound simple but for me those things help.

And sex.. Sex is also a BIG trigger for me. It's one of the single most status bringing things in our society (I don't know where you live, but if you live in America for example) and thinking about how little sex you have can make you feel like shit really. When sex is turning in to a thermometer on your self-worth and your lifes worth, it's not fun anymore. And it is supposed to be fun! If it's not - stop chasing it for a while. And to be frank - when you look that way at someone you have sex with, mabye you should give it a rest for a while. Having sex with someone you don't respect is not good for anyone involved. Short and plump people are people to and they deserve respect the same way as you do. And I belive that if you try to look at her with respect, you will look at yourself with more respect to.

You can do it :)!!

I am appreciate you feedback, you seem like a very decent person. Sex in itself is not that important to me, it is the connection. Now sure, like all of us, I also have biological imperatives,but I am not at all interested in being promiscuous. Short and plump individuals are people too and that is why I didn't call all the way. However, your point is understood.

[gadguy]

Sitting here at my Alma mater again, I had a memory of a girl that could have dated dancing with a guy. The pain shot simultaneously to my heart and stomach. I am not naive to think that I would have married that girl or even falling in love,but I think overcoming ones inertia is healthy. Thirteen years later, here I sit alone, doing the same thing more or less for the last ten years. Is it possible that might be in the same position even if I did asked her out, sure,but I will never now. I really hate my life, I do. I haven't had sex in five years which means I have had to partake in the art of self-satisfaction. The last encounter I had was with girl who I wasn't really attracted to, she was short, plump and had the visage similar to that of a mystic form the movie "Dark Crystal." I didn't take advantage of her because we never had intercourse. We did other things. If some find my directness offensive, I apologize, I am trying to be as appropriate as possible. I am tired,however, of being so polite. The reason I dated the girl because she kept pestering me to go out with her. I also felt bad because frankly I don't like to hurt peoples feelings. I am going to be 36 this summer and what have I done the last ten years???? NOTHING WORTH REMEMBERING!!!! People who I went to college, mainly women, look at me funny. I feel like a big loser most if not all of the time. My therapist is an idiot, she doesn't think outside of the box at all!!!! Given homework is fine,but giving homework and not connecting it to the therapeutic process seems very facile to me. By the way, I live with my mother and father and I am unemployed.


Hey Baker, I know what you are going through, but going through the past and wondering what if, is not going to help you move along, face the past and let it go. I did same thing as you after i graduated college..my life sucked, I kept finding myself back at my old college wanting a do over. I'm not being mean, but its time to stop worrying about what if and thinking about what could be and how you are going to achieve it. What are you doing to deal with the causes of your anxiety that seems to have you in holding pattern for last 10 years. You are not a loser it's just the way you have been taught to see your self, you need to unlearn this. As far as having sex, we all have dry spells especially when we have a low opinion of yourself, and i can tell you my dry spells have been longer than yours. I hope this helps, i can feel your hurt in your writing, best wishes for a brighter tomorrow.

[namaste87]

You are not a loser it's just the way you have been taught to see your self, you need to unlearn this.

well written :)

[namaste87]

how are u today baker333?

[baker333]

how are u today baker333?

Does anyone wonder why people make fun of them? I have had some attractive, at least what find attractive women interested in me, but for some reason it does not make a dent on my psyche. However, I do internalize all the negative crap that is said to me. I am better at not letting it bother me as much,but still it has an effect. Sometimes when I think about it I get really angry. I wish I could go back and verbally extirpate those people.