Relapse and Derealization

[bhamlaxy]

On my second rough patch since being diagnosed with panic disorder 3 years ago. Managed well with therapy and lexapro, but occasionally I hit these weird weeks and I'm in the midst of one.

Fortunately, no ativan needed yet. Nothing I would call a panic attack yet. But the derealization... oh boy, I wish I could describe this to those close to me without sounding like a lunatic!

Such a disturbing feeling, and it makes my thoughts run wild- I'm losing touch with reality, it will be like this forever, I'm moments away from a horrifying breakdown. I get stuck in loops thinking about the universe and existence, and how it makes no sense at all, and it becomes deeply disturbing.

Luckily I've built up the tools to prevent this feeling from moving into a traditional panic attack. The main thoughts I use are:
1) This is simply a classic anxiety symptom- Your body is on high alert which causes you to feel this way.
2) It will pass, it always ALWAYS does.
3) I am in no danger, it is merely discomfort.

It gets tiring to keep playing what I call "mental chess" with my anxiety, countering each irrational thought, wondering how to simply make it stop. Trying to relax.

I get to a point where I'll have a period of normalcy, then all of a sudden it hits me- how could you just float along so carelessly like that! You feel weird! Existence makes no sense! Reality is overbearing!!! Then the game of chess begins again. It's a daily cycle of distracting myself from the hyper-self examination, then pushing it back when it happens.

Just wanted to type that out as it helps, see if others relate and have any tips.

[gypsylee]

On my second rough patch since being diagnosed with panic disorder 3 years ago. Managed well with therapy and lexapro, but occasionally I hit these weird weeks and I'm in the midst of one.

Fortunately, no ativan needed yet. Nothing I would call a panic attack yet. But the derealization... oh boy, I wish I could describe this to those close to me without sounding like a lunatic!

Such a disturbing feeling, and it makes my thoughts run wild- I'm losing touch with reality, it will be like this forever, I'm moments away from a horrifying breakdown. I get stuck in loops thinking about the universe and existence, and how it makes no sense at all, and it becomes deeply disturbing.

Luckily I've built up the tools to prevent this feeling from moving into a traditional panic attack. The main thoughts I use are:
1) This is simply a classic anxiety symptom- Your body is on high alert which causes you to feel this way.
2) It will pass, it always ALWAYS does.
3) I am in no danger, it is merely discomfort.

It gets tiring to keep playing what I call "mental chess" with my anxiety, countering each irrational thought, wondering how to simply make it stop. Trying to relax.

I get to a point where I'll have a period of normalcy, then all of a sudden it hits me- how could you just float along so carelessly like that! You feel weird! Existence makes no sense! Reality is overbearing!!! Then the game of chess begins again. It's a daily cycle of distracting myself from the hyper-self examination, then pushing it back when it happens.

Just wanted to type that out as it helps, see if others relate and have any tips.

Oh I can relate to this and you described it well. "Mental chess" I call "mental gymnastics". Something that helped me a lot with the whole thing years ago was reading Carl Jung and his theories on the subconscious/unconscious. I can't exactly remember now but the idea that there's a big part of the mind that is "below" our conscious thought calmed me down a lot. I stopped freaking out so much about the universe and reality and what not.

I've also found this kind of thing has naturally just gotten less intense as I've gotten older (I'm 41). But I guess the main thing is you aren't the only one who is like this!

All the best,
Gypsy x