Gad - coping strategies turning into ways to escape

[namaste87]

Hi! You know this thing that trying to flee anxiety only makes it worse? I have a problem with that the coping straties i try to use (that are evidence based) are turning into ways to flee the anxiety. You know what I mean?

[gypsylee]

Hi! You know this thing that trying to flee anxiety only makes it worse? I have a problem with that the coping straties i try to use (that are evidence based) are turning into ways to flee the anxiety. You know what I mean?

My coping strategies for a long time were alcohol and sedatives ;) I guess you mean something more healthy? Yeah, I've found the best way to deal with anxiety is to put yourself in situations that are way out of your comfort zone and just deal with it head on. You basically teach yourself that you won't die or go insane or whatever. "Feel the fear and do it anyway".

Sometimes you do need coping strategies though because anxiety is exhausting and debilitating. Sometimes it's whatever gets you through the night.

:)

[namaste87]

My coping strategies for a long time were alcohol and sedatives ;) I guess you mean something more healthy? Yeah, I've found the best way to deal with anxiety is to put yourself in situations that are way out of your comfort zone and just deal with it head on. You basically teach yourself that you won't die or go insane or whatever. "Feel the fear and do it anyway".

Sometimes you do need coping strategies though because anxiety is exhausting and debilitating. Sometimes it's whatever gets you through the night.

:)

good for you that you got better strategies now ;) well done!!

yeah, i've got healthy strategies that i've got from a psycologist. the problem for me is that everything turnes into ways to try to escape the anxiety! like alcohol but... less destructive. for example "look at your thoughts and see them for what they are - thoughts". then this happens in my head: "ok look at the thoughts... LOOK AT THEM! just look at them! don't panic! I said don't panic! just look at the thoughts and the anxiety will go away... go away then! go away! i am busy, i have to work now, go away! just LOOK AT THE THOUGHTS GOD DAMNIT!!! ok calm down, be nice to yourself... you are trying your best.. I said be nice to yourself!! but i suck! no you don't! you are trying your best!! CALM DOWN!!!" haha and so on...

[Im-Suffering]

yeah, i've got healthy strategies that i've got from a psycologist. the problem for me is that everything turnes into ways to try to escape the anxiety! like alcohol but... less destructive. for example "look at your thoughts and see them for what they are - thoughts". then this happens in my head: "ok look at the thoughts... LOOK AT THEM! just look at them! don't panic! I said don't panic! just look at the thoughts and the anxiety will go away... go away then! go away! i am busy, i have to work now, go away! just LOOK AT THE THOUGHTS GOD DAMNIT!!! ok calm down, be nice to yourself... you are trying your best.. I said be nice to yourself!! but i suck! no you don't! you are trying your best!! CALM DOWN!!!" haha and so on...



Through exchanges (emotional discussions) you have with yourself like this, you find the reason for the anxiety to begin with, and so it is to be discussed with your therapist where your thoughts take you.

Here, unknowingly, you stumbled across a belief about yourself, quite accidentally, however this is what the strategies are designed for, to uncover your true feelings.

Finally in the last sentence you got around to it :

"be nice to yourself... you are trying your best.. I said be nice to yourself!! but i suck! no you don't! you are trying your best!!"

Bolded and underlined is the false belief about who you are, and the rest of the sentence "Be nice....trying your best" is the voices in defense of not feeling capable or good enough, to meet their expectations.

"I suck", "no you don't" is the split in the psyche because of the damaging beliefs, and what you were both told about yourself as a child, and your conclusions about what they told you. Now those conclusions (or criticisms) were false, but because a childs mind is not equipped to fight back with reason, you could not process them correctly. You blame self, "I am bad", you believed them. Because "I suck" doesnt feel good, you wrestle with the idea. But as a belief, it is part of your FACTS about self and reality. Therefor by raising it here (awareness), you can work on it.

So this is the light and the way to healing (enlightenment). It is not an escape if you know what your looking for, which i just pointed out. You are indeed facing self, not running. Do this with other topics, and discuss the conclusions with your therapist. Here, one conclusion was "i suck", quite the false belief to hold. "Be nice to yourself", there you are teaching self to be gentle, and understanding. "I am doing my best", again, in defense of early criticisms, and simply not living up to expectations.

Very well done Namaste.

[sae]

Escape is my Achilles heel unfortunately. Sometimes it is on purpose, I keep myself busy, lose myself in a good book, a painting, writing some silly esoteric garbage short story, banging around on the piano until pretty noises come out. Sometimes it happens all on its own. I don't really remember anything before I left home at 17, and I remember even less about my late husband. I can't recall his face, his voice, just a few incidents and a generalized time line of chaos.
There are times I welcome escape, and times I despise it. I take it as the Word says "for all things there is a season."

[Im-Suffering]

...lose myself in a good book, a painting, writing some silly esoteric garbage short story, banging around on the piano until pretty noises come out.



All the things you love, that make you smile. It feels good.

Weakness (Achilles heel)? No.

Strength -

Don't you know how special you are?

[gypsylee]

good for you that you got better strategies now ;) well done!!

yeah, i've got healthy strategies that i've got from a psycologist. the problem for me is that everything turnes into ways to try to escape the anxiety! like alcohol but... less destructive. for example "look at your thoughts and see them for what they are - thoughts". then this happens in my head: "ok look at the thoughts... LOOK AT THEM! just look at them! don't panic! I said don't panic! just look at the thoughts and the anxiety will go away... go away then! go away! i am busy, i have to work now, go away! just LOOK AT THE THOUGHTS GOD DAMNIT!!! ok calm down, be nice to yourself... you are trying your best.. I said be nice to yourself!! but i suck! no you don't! you are trying your best!! CALM DOWN!!!" haha and so on...

LOL. I've never been too good at "looking at the thoughts". That's why alcohol and drugs are good because you don't HAVE thoughts lol. But then you end up with even worse/more thoughts!

I find the best coping strategy is breathing. If I'm really anxious and can't stop thinking I focus on my breathing and slowing it down. That way you take your attention away from thinking, plus the breathing itself calms the mind down.

[namaste87]

LOL. I've never been too good at "looking at the thoughts". That's why alcohol and drugs are good because you don't HAVE thoughts lol. But then you end up with even worse/more thoughts!

I find the best coping strategy is breathing. If I'm really anxious and can't stop thinking I focus on my breathing and slowing it down. That way you take your attention away from thinking, plus the breathing itself calms the mind down.

but isn't this escaping to? i've got some idea in my head that everything that is not going directly into the anxiety and face it is to flee. but mabye i got that all wrong??