Coping Strategies

[Peak]

I have a very, very strained relationship with a close family member. Strained to the point that I wish I could have nothing to do with them but I also know that that is not only not possible it's not something I really want either. I can't go into the specifics of this relationship and why it is so strained because if I do I'll just end up having a major anxiety attack.

This family member has not been well recently and I'm pretty sure that they now have Alzheimers or some form of Dementia and this weekend I have to have a meeting with this person and a close family friend about their care and health needs. I find it exceedingly hard to talk to this person, so much so that whenever they phone I get very anxious and can on occassion virtually get to the sate of hyper ventillating and feeling as though my heart is going to explode and that I'm going to black out. Therefore the thought of having to actually meet with this person and then tackle the delicate subject of their care and health when all I want to do is run away and have nothing to do with them, monumentally stressful.

My main fears are:

1. I will loose my temper and say things I can't take back
2. I will have a full on melt down/panic attack
3. I will become physically ill over it heart attack kinda thing due to being overly stressed

I'm really hoping that people out there will know of coping strategies that will enable me to remain calm and not become so emotionally involved and thus avoid a panic attack. I've tried breathing techniques in the past but they just don't work for me.

[gadguy]

I have a very, very strained relationship with a close family member. Strained to the point that I wish I could have nothing to do with them but I also know that that is not only not possible it's not something I really want either. I can't go into the specifics of this relationship and why it is so strained because if I do I'll just end up having a major anxiety attack.

This family member has not been well recently and I'm pretty sure that they now have Alzheimers or some form of Dementia and this weekend I have to have a meeting with this person and a close family friend about their care and health needs. I find it exceedingly hard to talk to this person, so much so that whenever they phone I get very anxious and can on occassion virtually get to the sate of hyper ventillating and feeling as though my heart is going to explode and that I'm going to black out. Therefore the thought of having to actually meet with this person and then tackle the delicate subject of their care and health when all I want to do is run away and have nothing to do with them, monumentally stressful.

My main fears are:

1. I will loose my temper and say things I can't take back
2. I will have a full on melt down/panic attack
3. I will become physically ill over it heart attack kinda thing due to being overly stressed

I'm really hoping that people out there will know of coping strategies that will enable me to remain calm and not become so emotionally involved and thus avoid a panic attack. I've tried breathing techniques in the past but they just don't work for me.


First I want to tell you how strong you are, That despite whatever trauma this person may have caused you in the past, you are even willing to consider what this person may need in the way of health care now. That shows great strength and you are stronger than you think. Also since this person may have some form of dementia now they are not the same person now that caused you pain, they may say or do things to try and hurt you but you now have the upper hand, they can only hurt you if you let them. If things get to tense during meeting excuse yourself and collect yourself, if you are unable to handle it leave no sense in torchering yourself. Delegate the care planning to a professional.

My best things to do when the situation was getting to be to stressful, would be leave it, or go to the happy place in my head(zone out) and or don't take anything said personally if you can. Finally with the help of others and when I was finally ready I had to face my demons and let them go.

Good luck...you are a Good person for trying to do this.

[Peak]

First I want to tell you how strong you are, That despite whatever trauma this person may have caused you in the past, you are even willing to consider what this person may need in the way of health care now. That shows great strength and you are stronger than you think. Also since this person may have some form of dementia now they are not the same person now that caused you pain, they may say or do things to try and hurt you but you now have the upper hand, they can only hurt you if you let them. If things get to tense during meeting excuse yourself and collect yourself, if you are unable to handle it leave no sense in torchering yourself. Delegate the care planning to a professional.

My best things to do when the situation was getting to be to stressful, would be leave it, or go to the happy place in my head(zone out) and or don't take anything said personally if you can. Finally with the help of others and when I was finally ready I had to face my demons and let them go.

Good luck...you are a Good person for trying to do this.

Thank you so much for your words. Your comment about how this person is now no longer the person they were is extremely helpful and not something I had really considered before. By thinking of them as someone else is something I think I will find very helpful. I have been saying to myself that it's not their fault the way they are now due to dementia but because I still associate them as the bad person from the past I've found this very hard but you are right, they really aren't the same person anymore. Fingers crossed I can hold it together!

Thank you