Wide awake at 2 am

[aml0017]

It is 2 am and I am wide awake. Cannot turn my brain off! I went to bed around 10 and was sleeping good til 10 minutes ago. My eyes just opened and the thoughts just started cycling. I don't feel so much fear it is mostly just problems I am currently having at work. I just keep going over and over them and making every thing seem worse than it should be.

I hate this, I need to deal with these things at work not at 2am. Hopefully by writing it down I can get it out of my head enough to fall back asleep. Otherwise it will be a long night.

[Goomba]

Well, whats bothering you about work?

[aml0017]

Just a hectic time for me at work right now, a lot of deadlines coming up. This is not really unusual for me, but the difference is that recently I was given a lot of new responsibilities, so I'm having to do a lot of things I am not familiar with in addition to my old duties. I can normally work well under pressure, but I think I am lacking confidence in my abilities to do these new tasks. I have been in the same position for several years now (accounting for local law enforcement) and my job has hardly changed at all until now, I could do it like the back of my hand whether under pressure or no. I jumped at the chance to add to my responsibilities as I was getting bored and was able to do my job so efficiently I had too much extra time on my hands. I can't stand to have nothing to do.

I guess I'm just having a crisis of confidence because I am doing things for the first time. I am still learning and my supervisor knows this, but I think it is the perfectionist in me coming out, the fear of failure and change. The funny thing is while I'm at work doing the work I feel fine, not anxious at all. But for the past couple nights I have woken up in the middle of the night thinking about work. My heart was pounding and I started catastrophizing all my little worries - thinking I'm going to fail, I'll get fired and so on. But once I get to work I'm fine.

This is definitely not the first time I have dealt with anxiety during the night or morning, but it is almost subconscious because I don't worry about it so much during the day like I normally would when I am anxious.