Zamie22922
03-22-2015, 10:40 PM
I have nobody in my life who understands what i go through or will even try to understand. I have been with my husband for 8 years and one day he just up and left me, packed the car while i slept and drove 1200 miles back home to where he grew up and took my kids with him.
I spent the next week making every promise and guarantee in the book (i did believe i could do it at the time) he decided to give me another chance but clearly that was a dumb decision on my part... I have ocd and anxiety and intense fear of being sick and germs in general. it did effect my family a lot when i was real deep into my ocd.
Now i feel like i have to be 80-90% cured 24/7 for him or he will leave, this has gone on for about 8 months and sometimes i think its helped me. i hide the anxiety and it kills me but at the same time it prevents it from getting so out of hand, i clean when my family is away or sleeping and manipulate a lot of situations that help me avoid what makes my anxiety worse without my husband knowing
The past month has been the worst yet, we are moving into a new house, its flu season, i feel like a lot is expected of me that never used to be.
Im literally falling apart and i cant even say anything and its exhausting. Im hallucinating, i catch myself paying attention to what everyone touches so i can bleach it later when everyone is asleep. I have no support system, my family treats my anxiety and ocd as a joke or an excuse i use to get out of stuff. i just want to be happy but i am so incredibly lost right now :(
I spent the next week making every promise and guarantee in the book (i did believe i could do it at the time) he decided to give me another chance but clearly that was a dumb decision on my part... I have ocd and anxiety and intense fear of being sick and germs in general. it did effect my family a lot when i was real deep into my ocd.
Now i feel like i have to be 80-90% cured 24/7 for him or he will leave, this has gone on for about 8 months and sometimes i think its helped me. i hide the anxiety and it kills me but at the same time it prevents it from getting so out of hand, i clean when my family is away or sleeping and manipulate a lot of situations that help me avoid what makes my anxiety worse without my husband knowing
The past month has been the worst yet, we are moving into a new house, its flu season, i feel like a lot is expected of me that never used to be.
Im literally falling apart and i cant even say anything and its exhausting. Im hallucinating, i catch myself paying attention to what everyone touches so i can bleach it later when everyone is asleep. I have no support system, my family treats my anxiety and ocd as a joke or an excuse i use to get out of stuff. i just want to be happy but i am so incredibly lost right now :(