Hi...confused!

[Kawaii]

So..I'm a 24 year old female and I've been suffering with extreme anxiety for the past 3-4 months. I cry myself to sleep almost every night, feel sick often, shaking, constant headaches and just a general feeling of sticking a finger in a plug socket! I've been to the doctors three times now and all I hear is "wait a bit longer". He originally referred me to a counsellor but I waited a month and then went back to the doctors and he agrees that is it quite bad now and I must see a Psychiatrist instead. Still nothing of yet however, so I haven't been diagnosed as of yet and I'm at a complete loss. I used to be impulsive and never afraid to take risks or try new things but now I'm turning into a totally different person. I am terrified of being alone and the minute it gets dark that familiar feeling of dread starts to eat away at me.
I'm almost three months behind with university work and I'm too afraid to work as I panic randomly for no reason.
I often have periods where I am so full of energy and creativity, everything seems wonderful and I talk fast and well...a lot, then at any minute I can drop completely into the total opposite state. I am very open about it all as I am completely willing to do anything to take control and manage my mental illness, I know there is no cure but I can still fight it! But my loved ones cannot understand as they do not have these feelings. So no matter how many people care about you, you still feel alone all the time! Tired of hearing "don't worry so much" or " things will get better if you think positive". Because I cannot turn it off, it isn't a switch.
Would love to hear from people who also suffer in this way and can relate!
Thanks for taking the time to read!

[jeffrocantona]

Hi there Kawaii and welcome to these forums

I myself am new here but have found them really helpful with lots of nice people who are willing to read and respond to people who are in need of help,
I think what you have in your favour is that you are so open about these issues and you are willing to talk about them and tackle them, which you will and in time you can conquer them, CBT is very helpful for some, as it was for me, and yoga/meditation can be really good for settling your nerves, I suffer with bad nerves in social situations but i find the more i talk about things and the more open i am the less i feel wound up on the inside,
All the very best
B

[Kawaii]

Yes well I decided to join an online forum because every time I try and talk to friends, family or my boyfriend all I hear is " I don't know what to", "I'm busy right now" or "keep going doctors". When all I want them to do is include me in things more, make me laugh and help me to enjoy things. I'm happier being distracted and having fun. But I end up sat alone most of the time and then you start thinking about everything. I always get left out of things, my boyfriend sees me often but never includes me in things he does with friends ( every now and again would be nice, not all time) friends are difficult too! I always try to put others first but when I need to put myself first I get shot down. I feel like I'm having to pander to everyone else's needs and getting nothing back.

[jeffrocantona]

I know what you mean,
It's hard to really open up to loved ones when they can't really see where you're coming from, the important thing is that there is always people out there who will understand, my mum suffers also with crippling anxiety but I couldn't even consider speaking to her about it, because i would feel like she would think I was pointing my finger at her and saying"look what you did to me", I would love to point her in the right direction with regards to helping her discover new coping mechanisms and I hope one day I can work up the courage to sit down and speak to her about that,
I hope you can try to tackle your anxiety on a daily basis and whilst your'e right in saying it isn't like a switch that you can flick on and off, if you can spend at least half an hour a day doing things like CBT, exercise, meditation and communicating about your fears with good people, you can do it and get back on track,
Much Love
B