hello im new here

[Zamie22922]

I am a 32 year old woman ive been married for 4 years and i have 3 children (11yr old,9yr old & 4yr old) I have had anxiety and ocd as far back as i can remember.
When i had children it all got a lot worse, my husband has left me before because of how it effects him and our children since then things have improved ive tried much harder to not let it effect others, although i think that effects myself more emotionally.
I dont like germs and i have gone to great lengths to avoid them, i dont like public places (mostly due to germs) i get extremely overwhelmed and cant breathe and cant think.
The idea of medication gives me anxiety so i have never been on it even though i know i should be.
I have nobody to talk to who understands me, i feel like the only way to keep my family together is to act like i dont have anxiety and ocd.
Ive never really used forums before but thought i would give this a try.

[gypsylee]

Hi and welcome to the forum :)

[Carmen Sotillo]

Hello. I'm new too. I have anxiety also and obsessive disorder too. I understand how you feel. I am married too. I am 28. I don't have children. But I try to pretend also because my husband doesn't understand me. It's terrible. I am afraid of death and all things that can hurt me. I am not using medication either. I wish there was one that is not addictive. I feel better that I am not the only one suffering. Hope we can find strength with each other.

[jessed03]

Well, hey, to both yourself and Carmen. Nice to meet you guys.

If you want to avoid meds, that's completely understandable. Following an holistic program such as the one mentioned in The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook (found cheaply on Amazon) may be able to help. If your anxiety and OCD are strong, you'll need to tackle them from several angles really. That's just one book that was helpful for me. It was very comprehensive.

[Im-Suffering]

There are two separate issues here. One, the anxiety from childhood in both cases (or dating back pre-marriage), and two the current spousal relationships and family dynamics. If by magic, the anxiety (issue one) was healed, they would be left with worse conditions, resentment, blame, regarding the second.

Hoping to heal one and have it blanket over to the other is not clear thinking - 'Anxiety' and 'abuse' are separate 'conditions' (that feed each other). Abuse has a broad definition. Neglect, criticism, isolation, blame, shame, guilt, "how could you do this to us?", you understand.

Suppressing is not the answer, because the mental condition will manifest in another area. Possibly physical or a tightening of the mind, what you call OCD but more rigid than before.

If you cannot express yourself with the (supposed) one in the world meant just for you (soul mate), and have understanding, empathy and compassion, as well as helpfullness in healing, than these marriages are not constructive and the foundation cracked that will eventually fracture.

In both cases here, there is work to do, and decisions to make. Take heart. Help self first, at all costs. And underline that.

Release any guilt associated with somehow being a bad spouse/parent, and stop at once the charade in which you are faking it through life. Be true to who you are, can you do that? Realize that long ago when anxiety first set in, one of the catalysts was this lack of self, a weakened spirit. Through whatever childhood conditioning that set the tone (planted the seeds) for the mental health to follow. With no current changes made to the beliefs about self, and relationships, there can be no constructive growth or forward movement.

You simply cannot be 'stuck' and get 'better' at the same time.