HELP!!

[gem007]

Hi Im new to this and need to get someones oponion. Ive always been a worrier as a child i worried about getting ill and dieing. Since ive got older i still suffer with them worrys but have controlled them more.

Im now paranoid people dnt like me or talk about me. For example i am on holiday from work and wonder if they speak about me. Ive never really spoke about my worrys as i dont want to be judged. If i text a work friend and they dont reply i feel ive done somthing wrong. When im am in a scarey situation i get angry when inside i want to cry. im going insane. i worry about everything most days is fight, I even worry about chocking on food or having a allergic reaction and dropping dead. I need some advice. x

[Robbed]

This problem can be quite a bad one to deal with. I feel like this is largely at the root of my anxiety problem. Just the other day, I was taking a picture through the woods along a trail in the Bay Area, when someone walked by. I was just SO ready to lash out at that person, since I fully expected a negative comment from them (perhaps along the lines of 'Why are you taking such a stupid picture?' or 'Your photographic skills SUCK!'). I truly believe that this sort of problem has its roots in growing up in an overly critical environment. Perhaps, much like me, nobody really seemed to have much positive to say to you throughout your life. But criticism seemed to come at the drop of a hat. To make matters worse, the criticism starts off a negative train of thought in your own head, which only multiplies the problem further. You start to REALLY hate yourself when you think about how God had to be so cruel as to make you such a 'persona non grata'. And you probably know the rest.

Dealing with this sort of thing is REALLY difficult when you consider that it is a problem that nobody really wants to help you with (and perhaps nobody can). It's made all the more ornery by the fact that you really have no evidence that people are NOT saying and feeling mean things about you. I find that perhaps the only way to deal with this is to realize that it just doesn't matter what people think of you. After all, you can probably still do things and have a good time if you REALLY want to. And that is perhaps what REALLY matters in life.

Another thing you can try to do is talk more to people. Remember that these bad thoughts tend to pop up when you are NOT interacting with others because your mind becomes more free to go awry (you can become your own worst enemy here). In any case, not being so 'distant' from others can help keep you more grounded. Of course, this can be MUCH easier said than done. It is certainly something that taks practice.

[Anxious Frank]

My tip is to imagine that the other person is a bit like you and is so worried about how other people are seeing them that they don't have time to judge you. Look for evidence of this in other's faces.