Confrontation To Contemplation [Archive] - Page 4 - Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks

Ponder

08-10-2015, 09:42 PM

I like the healing description. Very appealing lines and colors. I have seen some similar style, but of course none of the same. It's an amazing style of painting. Quite the skill to pull off those kind of shapes. I think I will be drawing for a long time yet before I get comfortable with the science painting, but my wife did buy a small canvas for me to try another under painting with my soft pastel and rubbing alcohol. I want to have another go at that beach scene I did. Try and get some of the lines right this time.

The paints you are talking about sound very interesting. Is my goal to use paint in the end for whatever scenes. Do you think learning to use pastels before moving onto paints is a good thing? Some of the painters in class say the pastels is too messy for them - but I get a sense pastels before painting is not a b ad way to go? Hmmm - Like Soft Pastels being a good bridge between drawing and painting? What do you think?

I picked up more charcoal today. Got some white and also a small 4 pack of earth tones, 3 variants of crown and reddish with white. I like the look of many charcoal drawings on YouTube. I will be mostly pencil / charoal & Pastels for some time. I hope I don't burn out guys. Happens so often. I used to be able to draw, but just never got past doing a few trees. This is why I want to draw a ton of trees with a few pastels in between. I really don't why I never threw myself into this kind of thing before. Better late than never I guess. People probably think, too much time on his hands - but fuck what anyone else thinks. I'm enjoying the new hobby heaps!

Here is short video I did when I happened across a tree to practice on later:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lI7hz3R-ruc&feature=youtu.be

Hey - are you guys good with my little short videos? Or is best I stop weirding you guys out?

Time I go practice some more - nothing to show as of yet ... too much doing the same things ... but need to learn the tedious stuff before I move on.

Might attempt the under painting with the pastels again. Not sure will work because of the board frame and the pressure I need to press against the sheet. might go find a board that just fits in behind it and work like that.

Adios Guys -

Ponder

08-11-2015, 12:42 AM

IDIOTS:
EPA Spill turns Colorado River Orange.

Who's for a swim?
http://edition.cnn.com/2015/08/09/us/colorado-epa-mine-river-spill/

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/423/20291126608_9c6899aaaf_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/wV4k1u)

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/373/20470419232_e7d95c051f_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/xbUfsC)

It was an accident - They let too much out at once. Fucking Idiots.

needtogetwell

08-11-2015, 03:10 AM

Love the vids Ponder, don't stop.

Good morning/ evening, shit it's cold out here! Must be the dampness, it is 17 degrees C. Should be about perfect for me. Lol

I too was impressed with Dahila' s paintings. Really cool look!

Not much to say this morning, just clearing the cobwebs for a bit then it's off to get ready for work.

Have a good day/night everyone.

Ponder

08-11-2015, 03:47 AM

Hi Pam, thanks for the well wishing. Getting out for a little bit helps me sleep better as opposed not getting out at all. Doing the little videos like that, give me incentive to get out, go check out secluded places (not up to videoing like that in public) which takes me a bit or trekking. The trekking is good for me.

I did not end up drawing trees - but I did download some picks and run a two tone filter to assist when I do get around to drawing them. I instead went to town, bought a canvas to retry the beach scene I previously did. Is good to keep mixing up the drawing and pastels. I spent quite a bit of time on the under painting today and will see if I can finish it off tomorrow. Day after that is Art class. I'd like to take some work in and show the teacher what I have been up too.

Here's an update photo on the canvas pastel under painting. It's not a perfect match ... but the tutorial says it only has to match a little as I'll be pasteling over the top of it all at any rate.

Have a good one guys ... Hope work goes down well Pam.

Later. ;)

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/430/20295607709_ca3aa560be_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/wVsi5R)

needtogetwell

08-11-2015, 04:06 AM

Excellent work! Even though it is not exactly like the original, it is great. You wouldn't want it to be exactly the same. You aren't in the same frame of mind as when the original was done. The differences reflect the changes in you and your developing skills.

I'm impressed! Keep up the amazing work. I love to see your progress.

Dahila

08-11-2015, 09:30 AM

Your beech scene is how you describe my painting , it awesome, yes I think that using soft materials to learn the light and the technique is the best. Charcoal it is so universal and probably my favorite, the ones brown colors are called sepia at least it was called like that in art school, from the Latin word. I introduced my son (long time ago) to charcoal because he made very cool drawings with pen, which is not good. He become fast admirer of charcoal and had not difficulties to learn. With using soft chalk pastels you are going to be awesome with charcoal Dave. Try it. Not to burn out , switch often the tools , the formats, everyone have moments of boredom with it, it requires so much work, I think you are not going to quit on it , because you connect a few things you love; photography, drawing, painting, working with your hands and as an expression of yourself.
I wonder if you realize that drawing is very healing............:))
Pam is good to see you !!!
Idiots inthe spill; you can cure stupid ........

Ponder

08-11-2015, 03:33 PM

Matching the colors can be hard with the pastels. There seems to be a slight variation in color when looking at them from a distance to when you draw on paper. Then you have the pigment from others that build up on each piece. I think by the time I get to paints, I will have a reasonable eye for color variations. :)

Hey the Mother next door that keeps yelling at her kids made me think:

PARENTS WITH HANG UP's

One Two Three FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE...

Wow mummy, you nearly did it ... just one more ... you can do it!

"Quiet!" Mummy is getting Angry Now !!!
"Really? I know a forum that might help. What's wrong mummy?"

"COME HERE!"
"Shall I bring the harness too?"

"I TOLD YOU! - YOUR NOT GOING TO HAVE - PUT THAT DOWN - GET IN THE CAR"

Don't you just get sick of hearing the would be parents badgering and abusing there kids like so. Whats a bet there is a family connection to the some line of authoritarian ideal/ belief system. The flipping mother next door has a connection with the army through her husband, others are religious nuts and many others are just in the cycle of abuse. You see it all the time in shopping centres with young mums that don't know how to cope. Is very sad for both mum and the child - BABY in many cases.

The other day, I just started whining at myself with spurts of counting to 10, saying David is Angry now, telling myself to come hither and grab the fucking color. Finally the mother next door shut the fuck up. SIGH.
___________________

Time to go paint.

Ponder

08-12-2015, 04:19 PM

Yes, this is that "other"thread. Welcome. Hang on to your panties because its time for another morning ramble. Marriage? WTF is it really all about? For some it's just a contract, but for other it's akin to signing over your soul before the one and absolute almighty GOD. Unfortunately those who do it on a contractual basis, will be in for a rude shock if they think they can just get a divorce easily. For sure, if both parties are in agreement and choose to separate, then one can eventually be granted. However, if bother parties are in agreement but want to keep living with each other, then they are forcibly stuck under a contract that can not be broken ... unless they separate. So what's the big deal about this?

The context in which I deliver this ramble, is more about highlighting the "control" factor that marriage really is. That it's more binding to the system than any kind of almighty powerful being. Thankfully when it comes to weddings and funerals, there does seem to be a shift from religiosity. However, we are seemingly stuck with the same limiting control factors which require it's underlings to bow down and submit. The more invisible but just as ruthless entity, one that actually exists despite peoples efforts to create their own reality ... da dar - enter the one and only supreme lord and commander → Society.

So instead of rambling on this of that conspiracy, the wife and I decide ... "Fuck it" lets further disconnect by getting divorce. We have done well by laughing at those fools that present the news, those that play footsies with each other on the morning dribble and rofl at adds that insult our intelligence. We ignore authority through unlearning the doctrine and cutting ourselves off from main stream sources. The feeding troughs - but what else can we do?

Turns out getting a divorce is next to impossible if you still wish to keep living together. Damn it! We have looked into this long and hard. If you want to quote or debate this with me, then do please provide Australian based references. We would be more than happy to be proved wrong. We would put in the papers and be over the moon if we could get a divorces this very second!

Divorce Society! So - Societies unwillingness to let people out of a contract? Better yet →Why do we even need contract in the first place? Probably one of the largest playing factors along side birth certificates, that we humans amount to nothing more than commodities. The fact the people want to get married shows just how gullible we really are to what's really going on.

I used to think religion was the limiting factor, the cancer in our society. I see it more clearly now as a case of Society using religion to snowball people into the controlling stream. Makes much more sense. The contractual arrangement, the transaction of two lawfully certified human beings under the supreme power of the elites - not God or some figment being. People even struggle with the term elites ... best just call them Society for now. Whilst the elite make up one to two percent (despite many under their thumb thinking they are elites too) the sickness is spread to about ninety three percent, leaving only about three to four percent that have accepted the truth. Those that don't accept, usually go insane ... which kind of brings that number down some more when thinking in terms of so called chanting influence. lol opps ... I must be doing mad.

So back to this taxi drivers recent theory ... Marriage ... Has nothing to do with God, yet look at all those groups that get all flustered over equality. Our poor Gay friends still getting a raw deal in many countries. Here in Australia we still deny them many rights. Marriage included. A prime example of when Religion is drawn upon. Religious pride raises its ugly head, yet the groups want to be a part of that too! There is a huge irony in that ... kind of says just how powerful and enchanting religion is. Politics & Religion are the same.

The very groups such establishments admonish, clamour to be part of that binding system. "We want to be equal" Comes the chant from all these groups that see themselves as oppressed. hmmmmmmmm - something in that too. Unlearn - don't see yourselves as a group. Yea - unfortunately people are taught to fight as many ... taught to fight full stop ... to chase ... to purse, with the later taught from a platform or enticing by contrasting with the pain ... the past and a projected future of fear if only one can subscribe to this or that ... if only one would sign here!

Yep sir re - the illusion of God has worked wonder for those at the top. No everyone want to get married. LMFAO.

Groups - unification and all that kind of thing ... under a contractual basis they will never bring about a sense of long lasting peace. Such binding with certification and conditions will always see the need for groupings only as a means of DEFENSE - which leads into a perpetual state of alertness ... No room for growing. Oh ... let's bring in the stats!

The world is full of stats people always quoting ... When it comes to the stats on Marriage let me simply say; "I rest me case!" rolf

It all seems to clear to me - The manipulation, Consumerizing people, Fooling groups into begging for suffering ... actually the last one is very crucial for Society to keep ruling as it does. It creates the oppression, then leads it back into the fold under special contractual circumstance that rule them for the rest of their lives. They fear the external source, by internalizing the doctrine that's more sort to keep them comfy as opposed to the old way of genocidal war. Much easier method of control this day and age. But that's another story ...

Marriage - Pffft ... just another method to keep you locked in to an agreement. NOW - Changing Agreements! That's a good topic for healing.
__________________________________________________ ________________

I was just trying to make a point of the futility of Marriage and how just like our birth certifications that and the contracts they are based on is more about Commercializing people as mere commodities and not human beings. I also think the above somehow highlights the BS of religion how Society uses it to fool people into the twisted perception of unification and also the so called need. Such need is not about sharing ... that's more about separatism which then plays into obsolescence and continual conflict - the feeding ground for ANXIETY.

Oh my - that other thread. Sigh ... Marriage is BS. Pure and Simple. We would have much more romantic experience without the need for such control.

My wife and I signed under duress. We reject the claims simply by no longer acknowledging that any agreement took place. We have now make a new agreement among ourselves, on just what a crock of shit marriage really is.

Sign sealed and delivered!

Go to run ... will edit later . (maybe)
Time for my Art Class ... Adios.

needtogetwell

08-12-2015, 06:09 PM

Hope art class was enjoyable.

Your last post was incredibly timely , and I agree whole heartedly with it.

So I should preface this by saying: Scott and I are not "piece of paper" married. We both have legal spouses to who we have been separated from for 8-9 years. We are common law, as recognized by the establishment.

So, why is your post so on point to me today. Here's why.....I spent an hour or so with my lawyer today, dealing with wills and power of attorneys. Thank goodness that is over. I have now effectively screwed my ex husband out of getting his hands on Justin's inheritance should I die before he does. Yippee!!!! Yup bad blood there where money is concerned, but that is another story.

This part of the story has to do with Scotts Canada pension spousal ( survivor) benefits. As it stands, I am recognized as his wife because we have lived together for so many years. I am his named beneficiary on all pensions, life insurance, registered retirement savings plans etc. the only place where my standing could be questioned is with his Canada Pension, if his ex wife wanted to go after it she could. Well this is complete and utter BULL SHIT. So, now what do I do???

Ms. Lawyer tells me that we need to finalize his divorce. Ok, what do we need? Marriage certificate.... Nope, the ex has it. How do I get a copy of one? Apply to the registrars office for one....ok. "Scott, what date were you married?...I don't know." "What year? ..... I don't know, 2000 maybe ." Helpful that is!!!!!

So now, through the beauty of burocracy, I have to do a search for when he was married, cost $15 and 3-5 weeks processing time. Once we have this, then apply for a certified copy, cost $55 time 1-2 weeks. So, with that in hand we go back to Ms. lawyer, she has to have ex wife served. Do we know where she is? No ..... So now we have to find her kid, we think we know where to find him and have her served through him. AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH , my head is swimming. Once she is served, then we have to send all this to the court, $500 filing fee, then it could be 7 months before we get the final judgement. Oh crap, he could be dead before that!

My question to him.....why the fuck did you marry her? You were already living together for 10 years! Answer: she wanted to legally be able to use his name. OH FUCK! WHAT A DUMB ASS REASON TO GET MARRIED!!!!

Any guess how high my frustration level is?????

So in my mind there is no benefit what so ever for people to get married. The only people who benefit are the already over stuffed and bloated lawyers, and the government., not to mention the caterers, rental halls, dress boutiques, blah blah blah.

Scott and I are together for one and only one reason. We want to be. The rest of the system can FUCK OFF!!!!!

End of rant!

Dahila

08-12-2015, 07:12 PM

Yeah In Canada common in law spouses have not right to anything, to decide about your partner health ; living will is required, to do any financial decisions on his behalf you must have a power of attorney. Whatever is on his name I have no right to it. Oh I can take a lawyer and take it to court but it takes years till I win anything...................bs and that it
I agree with you both guys, the society today is fucked up totally. I am fucked up too, cause I agree not to have my name of house title; Idiot , I made my bed...............

needtogetwell

08-13-2015, 01:21 AM

OMG it's early!!!!! The local ijit here.....what on earth am I thinking going to work for 5am? This wake up at 3 is painful. Yes. It takes me a full hour and a half after I wake up to become a civilized human being , right now being civilized is over rated! I do this again and again, go to bed way too late when I have to get up so early.

It's all good, I will be napping by 11.... Maybe! Justin is home and he gets a little cranky when I nap before 2pm. Oh the joys of having an autistic child who lives by specific rules and regulations, his own of course, and everyone else had better to keep the peace. Just keep telling myself that he will be gone to his fathers place around 1;00, then it's nap time for me. Yeah, right. By that time I will be so over tired that I won't be able to nap. Oh shit! It sucks to be me today.

Oh yeah, good morning/evening everyone. See what did I tell you, I'm becoming civilized as we speak!

Ponder

08-13-2015, 01:47 AM

Thanks for your confirmation on just how fucked up marriage and other certified rituals really are. Will feed back shortly. Just wanted to update my progress from the days lesson in Art Class. Going to leave this Tree as is ... before I pull my hair out trying to fix all the mistakes. Lesson in moving on. :)

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5692/20524217072_f9fc14a6cc_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/xgDYFA)

needtogetwell

08-13-2015, 02:27 AM

You may see mistakes, I see fabulous !!! If you don't like it then I'll take it. An original DK!

Ponder

08-13-2015, 06:04 AM

Glad you like it Pam - :) I am really zonked tonight ... will catch up when I have recharged. Hoping all is well Dahila ...
Take care guys....

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz

Dahila

08-13-2015, 10:14 AM

You may see mistakes, I see fabulous !!! If you don't like it then I'll take it. An original DK!
so do I, :)) sorry but I have not energy to post, then the quote

Ponder

08-13-2015, 04:26 PM

Your a real friend Dahila. Only friends remember triggers like that. It only peeves my when people know they are disrespecting with arrogant quotes that target the obvious. We have many indoctrinated cases in here who just love ignoring the use of peoples names and bask in the self righteous aspect of quoting. It's akin to the feeling often experienced within the Bible Bashing Scene. Some will always seek to target like so. Many do not realise what dicks they appear to be. Again - there is different between those that know how to use a quote respectfully, and then those that use it to disrespect whilst pumping themselves up. I spent way too much time in Yahoo Christian Chat way back in the day. ROFL hysterically @ that thought now. (I leave the spelling mistakes only wishing for some Grammar Nazi to come along and make a quote ... lol ... so draining are they not?)

Oh how far I have come. Giggles excessively.

Righto - Charged up or not? I stayed up fussing over my beach scene painting till Two AM. Already I am thinking about an outlay for my next one. I can't do three of this one. I'll do three of the next one. LOL. Whatever Dave.

Art Class was good. I am looking forward to them now. The teacher loaned me a Landscape Painting book. Has got some really good tips in it. It's a vintage book which I think might have some really good info that might not be so readily available for free? Don't know ... but I'm respecting it really good all the same. I also felt good with someone believing in me. Trusting Me. Come to think of it, one of the elderly ladies ask directed a question towards me regarding the need for a lift home, given her hubby had was not coming to collect her. Felt good being able to help the lady out. It was just the sort of thing I was aiming to do with the meals on wheels. I'm feeling at home now on my third visits now. I think it's three visits? Will have to see if it's something that does not play into my ups and downs. I was feeling a little our of place with my tree looking quite underdeveloped in comparison ... but I know I am pretty much child of experience when it comes to that class. I am learning at a good rate, and know that this kind of subject - genre actually requires a LOT of practice and Time.

Given my nature of instability - The Art Class is probably one of the best therapies I could be doing. Not just for the healing aspect that comes from the ZONE - but in developing a routine, with the weekly visits and more over the learning to space out my practice at home. Addition is something that comes easy to me and is quite a disabler in itself if not kept in check ... I talk more about compulsiveness that sometimes I can not stop - start - ... that kind of thing. Passion without a switch. Escapism that knows no bounds. It is many things ... not just one.
_____________________________________

I can only surmise Pam & Dahila about your own views on the contractual BS to the marriage topic - that you guys understand well were I am coming from. You know the young ones are taught that we just become cynical with age. LOL - Oh how well washed they really be. Thankfully not all. That's more a spoiled little yuppies view - and those that have not forgotten the words "Yes I know for the Bible tells me so" Hahahaaaaa arrrrr What fucking dicks we were. How much more proof do people need with respect to indoctrination... Imagine walking into a room full of children repeating over and over - "Yes I know for the bible tells me so"

SURE - we are cynical because of age - let them think that. The brainwashing that goes on with those types is no different to a class room full of kids being taught to hate a group of people based solely on race. No difference whatsoever.

SIGH - It's all in the way we hold it guys. No need to let it send us over the edge. We can see it - and we have no need to justify it - quote quote quote ... smiles. Truly is their hang up. Let all the fucks take out the steam and any other words that clear out the webs ... tell at as it is ... as you see ... don't be bound with the news, TV and or the web. Bs deserves Bs from what I can tell - its the only thing they seem to respect.

Who the fuck are they? Allow me to lift up my hind leg and leave you with a parting gift while you work that one out.

Adios to my real friends - if your just lurking and have not yet liked and subscribe ... take a deep breath. ;) lmfao - srry feeling a little strange this morning - excited really. I hate liking and subscribing but love lurkers - PULL UP A SEAT and don't just tell us - be with us. No worry - you don't have to sing BS songs with us. :)

Yabada, yabada, yabada, that's all folks!

Ponder

08-13-2015, 04:49 PM

______________________________

Love you Guys too. :)

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5729/20551487145_0c82aa6f54_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/xj4K8g)

needtogetwell

08-13-2015, 04:53 PM

OMG I needed a giggle! Thanks for that!

It's been a rough day. Scott isn't fairing well yesterday and today. The issue that sent him to hospital last time is starting up again. This time I jumped all over it and have all the doctors issuing orders for hydration, feeds, meds etc. hopefully I have gotten on this fast enough that we can keep him from landing in the hospital again. Honestly, there isn't anything they can do for him in the hospital that we can't do here at home and I know that he would much prefer to be here at home.

Over the past couple of days the realization that he really is going to leave me has surfaced. Sometimes I catch myself looking at him sleeping on the sofa, watching to ensure that he is still breathing.

Such has been my day, but the best part is that he is still here with me.

Ponder

08-13-2015, 05:13 PM

____________
___
-

PAM we are here for you!
:( (0)

Please do post away if it helps - I have mentor friend about to arrive ... but will check back later for sure. I wish I could say something to help. :(

Dahila

08-13-2015, 07:02 PM

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee................To Dave

Pam I am trying to feel at least kind of feel what you feel, or imagine I can feel it. It is not true, I am not you, I do not know how much pain you feel, I imagine it is awful. Watching a loved one to see if he is breathing ........... I am here or anywhere for you Pam if you need me............

Ponder

08-13-2015, 07:39 PM

Yes - I feel it too Pam ... but less intense as time draws differently with me. None the less - I do yearn to find the right words. If only. Best any of us can do, is to be here for you whenever you need.

-------------

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Just a Video Update of the art room progressing. I went to a larger format Dahila but on canvas ... returning to pasterl paper on my next one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWouwvxMpjI&feature=youtu.be

Ponder

08-13-2015, 07:44 PM

You guys must think I am crazy - every time I start a hobby or some new thing, I go berzerk with it. lol - I should get stuck back into it now ... but finish cuppa first on FB Dahila. ;)

Dahila

08-13-2015, 08:22 PM

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5727/20368914499_b378b2d180_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/x2W1D2)[/url] [url=https://www.flickr.com/photos/66530436@N03/] (https://flic.kr/p/x2W1D2)
Buttermilk and Rose Kaolin
Let's see how it works P:)

Dahila

08-13-2015, 08:22 PM

Lavender soap
https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5746/19934662853_d94c64e781_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/wnymKF)[/url] [url=https://www.flickr.com/photos/66530436@N03/] (https://flic.kr/p/wnymKF)

Dahila

08-13-2015, 08:25 PM

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7479/16014599469_8c7c0bc8ce_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qpa1tX)[/url] [url=https://www.flickr.com/photos/66530436@N03/] (https://flic.kr/p/qpa1tX)
It is Activated Charcoal with some titanium dioxide :)

I
think Dave we tend to put so much emotion in everything we do. I am the same way. It is all the way or no way for me.

Ponder

08-13-2015, 08:52 PM

The texture is awesome Dahila ... Looks good enough to eat ... bet they smell that way too. I think you are going to do well!

Pic Size - you could try the next size down on the BB LINK - I'd only go down by one or two sizes at most ... there should be a drop box on the BBlink that will give you size options ... just try it and then preview is all :)

Please do keep posting Dahila - I wish I had a bath ... I could really use a good soak from time to time.

Dahila

08-13-2015, 09:32 PM

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5627/19934662813_3c02fabd3f_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/wnymJZ)[/url] [url=https://www.flickr.com/photos/66530436@N03/] (https://flic.kr/p/wnymJZ)
It is Liquid Glycerin soap. First try and it came beautifully , I am still using it in soap pomp and foaming pomp
Is the size better now? I dropped three sizes :) I know there is a box and I went one size down but obviously is better now three sizes down:))
I wish my body would downsize so easy:)
you would laugh seeing the number of soaps in my shower ........

needtogetwell

08-13-2015, 10:06 PM

Beautiful soaps Dahila.

Thanks to both of you. You are priceless. It helps just to know you both care, words are not necessary.

I hope neither of you ever have to go through this. It is only if you ever do that you will realize those who are your true friends. Some people shy away cause they don't know what to say. Sometimes the best thing you can do is say "I'm here, I listen, I care"

Just keep doing what you are doing, it's just perfect!

Dahila

08-13-2015, 10:15 PM

Pam I will send you my cell on FB so when you feel down we can talk a bit. I usually answer it when I am at work :rolleyes: but at some point I check for messages all day... We are here or anywhere else but very accessible to you Pam.

Ponder

08-13-2015, 10:56 PM

Interesting Dahila:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glycerin_soap

This is an example of a well chosen 800X pic - The subject is well captured taking up most of the composition. This type of shot is well suited to an Blog Styled Embedded fit. Small and neat, but still easily seen ... people can then click on it to go to the hosting site ... the original of this was uploaded from my phone at like 3000X pixels ... overkill for the web. I was to lazy ... I wonder why. LOL ... Is OK ... I don't do the drug ... just smoking some shisha (tobaco through like a bong like setup ... socializing with my son out in the bush) The things we do for our kids. Anyways I hope the flowing is a good guide when linking hosted photos for forums like these.

_________________________________________
_ Actually 600X would be more appropriate for this pic _

(Tip Below - delete the text in the link after the first → [/url])
Use centre alignment as well ;)

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/546/18952385189_9a8ed3a5a2_c.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/uSKVPT)

NOTE* I have eliminated the TAG of this photo by deleting the text as described in title above and tip included below:
Tags will mess up the centering of pictures.

________

About the Photos - Here is my tip:

You have to consider the displays they will by displayed on. Not an easy answer. Since giving up my super computer and downsizing to my laptop ... I now typically use a display with 1366X768 (720p ish) ... My choice of pic size (when not featuring it ... but more so linking it on average) for that resolution is 800px of there abouts. Height will vary depending on format of picture. I only link full screen (1024 -1200 - 1366) when wishing to feature a picture on universal laptop screens.

Whats the issue with large pictures on peoples screens? I think more so scrolling anoyance more than anything else. Perhaps a messy read - just simply unbalanced. I know when I blog I do not like massive pictures spreading out my text. I now appreciate it with having been told in the past not to post 1920X1080 as it was messing with those who only had the smaller 720 p screens.

Most laptop under a $1000 - are 720p ... Mine is a little over that, however only outputs at 1080 - with a native res of 720p ... therefore 1080 pics blow out my screen ... having said that though ... they are not scrollable at full size in the forum here as say on a Flkr view original size option.
__________________________________________________ _____

Most desktops setup now all come with 1080 displays and people who have top notch and high end branded laptops will have a native res of 1920X1080 - 1200X pics show up like 800 on mine ... which if your still with me, will have an 800X show up smaller on a display with native 1080 screen.

LOL now I am lost. You know - 800X on a 1080 in not bad at all - I will sometimes switch to 1024 (or there abouts) to give a little more (full screenish on mine) but 800X is the safe bet. Mostly they are link and people just click on them so see more ...
__________________

Here is how I further choose ... going from 800X to 1024 - How much of the photo/pic does the subject take up? If it is most of the foreground - as in taking up the whole pic - then 800X is a much cleaner share ... nice and neat. Like a good shot for a bog, newspaper clipping and so on. Those I typically fall into the 800X category using the centre page feature to make it even cleaner. Throw a line ________ above it and hit enter for good measure.

If the subject is not so well pictured ... I then choose 1024 -
_________

If its a main feature and I'm feeling excited, I will full screen for my display at 1200 - 1366 ... I may even choose 1920X1080 ... so it will full screen on those with higher resolution screens.
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________________

There is no short answer Dahila ------------ but those are a few factors (there are more) that flash into my head when pulling out pics and deciding how I will share. At the end of the day → 800X centered with a good subject pictured is a sure bet to keep things clean all round - 1024 a little better for 1080 screens.

I will mostly upload to Flikr at 1366 ... and use a BBcode at 800 px as discussed or there abouts. Your ones currently blow out my screen. But I can live with it. :)

Dahila - is OK to do as you wish. I am a bit of a nutter with this kind of thing. I posted this one at it's largest resolution from a print screen taken at my native res:

Also another trick to get rid of the "TAG" that often stops your pics from centering - is to delete:
all the text in the LINK - after the first [/url] ... that will leave your picture (still with link to Flikr) without the added tag on your pic

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5734/20369802598_3be172f877_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/x31yD5)

Dahila

08-14-2015, 07:44 AM

The soap bars are 800/583, and the jar is 640/466. Thank you Dave. Are you satisfied with the last one , the jar? oN the last one I considered all the suggestion :) then I did the same with all of them
Now I have to remember to remove the tags:)) and centre the picture;))
So the saying that old dogs do not learn new tricks is BS , :)) Thanks D. I hope you are satisfied with my progress ? I had changed them all to 640/466
My soaps are usually scented with citrus ; grapefruit, lemon verbena (my favorite) lavender, Lilac (the rose one) Lemon, sage and basil, I am not sure I like the last one.

superchick22684

08-14-2015, 11:45 AM

Totally going to crash this forum topic to say to Dahila that those soaps look awesome and judging by the scents you listed about I bet they smell good too. Its always nice to see someone making their soaps,lotions etc. because you know its better that the stuff packed with chemicals you can find at the store. Anyway back to your regularly scheduled programming :)

Dahila

08-14-2015, 11:47 AM

Thank you Superchick, :)) I hope Ponder is not going to kick us out of the thread, He wanted people to post their creation here. There is a very educational small tutorial he put above, I keep forgetting that I can do it:)) Maybe others can use it too

JohnC

08-14-2015, 02:14 PM

[SIZE=5][B]Pam, i am here for you and will keep you in my prayers and thoughts[B]
Dahlia, love the new signature and the soap looks great
Ponder...............what can i say, i busted a gut when i looked at your pic.

needtogetwell

08-14-2015, 03:03 PM

Thanks John. We miss you. Hope you are hanging in there.

Ponder

08-14-2015, 03:21 PM

____

I know you said your just crashing Superchick - but:

http://www.picgifs.com/graphics/w/welcome/graphics-welcome-731955.gif

Ponder

08-14-2015, 03:52 PM

Hi John - good to see you again. :) Dahila since you have learned so quickly I will add some more tips.

When positing in Portrait Mode - I will make the height "approximately" equal to the Height of my average selected Landscape Format as pictured below:

The examples given here is a Landscape Linked @ 640X420 ← (Note* the width is 640 not 420)
_____________________ The Portrait is Linked @ 333X500 ← (Note the height is 500 not 333) ← this can be confusing when linking in Portrait mode and something that I end up linking at 800 instead of a smaller size ... please read on as will make sense in the final sentence.

Additionally - you can put two links side by side to display two photos next two each other. However they width of pixels must not exceed full-screen (native) resolution of the viewers display. The two example given here do not total anymore than 1140px which means it will display like any screen. (I am guessing I could line three up like this on a 1080 screen. Too space them, you just use a few dots and or dashes. THE THING TO NOTE, THAT IF YOU SELECT 800PX ON A PORTRAIT PICTURE → is that it will actually take up more space than an 800px Landscape. (the height will blow out smaller screens for the many people commonly using 1366X768 laptap screens.

Therefore a good rule of thumb that I use, is not to exceed 768 when linking in portrait mode. 768 high is full screen for most laptop users with budget units (that makes for quite a few users - remember your photos are linked and they can further click) - so in fact, I will often choose something more like 500px high as is with the portrait example pictured on the below right.

https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3911/14369812389_231b940122_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/nTP3A2)___________ https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3874/14554822284_58027d0f35.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/obagzN)
_______________________________Linked @ 640X420___________________________________________ _______________Linked @ 333X500_____________

That concludes this mornings lesson. :)

This has been a good refresher for me ... I often do post over sized and in many cases inappropriately full screen. If I change my own dynamics with picture embedding/linking ... now you know why.

needtogetwell

08-14-2015, 03:58 PM

Feeling better today. Scott had the hydration today and he is much better than yesterday. It is just incredible what dehydration can do to you.

Note to self: keep drinking enough fluids.

Ponder

08-14-2015, 04:03 PM

Absolutely Pam! I am always looking to use lemon water to hydrate quick. Hydration is so under appreciated. Hope you rest well this evening.

JohnC

08-14-2015, 04:28 PM

Sorry i havent been around, well i have been lurking. My stupid health anxiety has been terrible and until i find out why my glands are swollen and my neck/throat is feeling like i have a noose around it ( slight exaggeration ) extra tight collar. Plus the fact that i miss my cigs and i have had 0 energy and i have gained so much weight even my doctor says its more that what a person who quits usually gains. This has been going on for months now but my first appointment is Tue with a ENT.
I feel stupid for even posting about it especially when others are going through so much more than myself and it's not even my thread!
I just felt like i needed to explain where i have been.
Pam i am glad to here Scott is feeling a bit better................ I have anxiety for you and feel for you but yet i have never met you. Be strong and peace to ya.
Ponder sorry for the hijacking of your thread............. still love that last pick though :)

needtogetwell

08-14-2015, 04:30 PM

John, it's all good here today. Hope you get some answers on Tuesday. I don't remember, are you on any meds for the anxiety? They can contribute to the weight gain for sure.

Ponder

08-14-2015, 04:43 PM

Not at all John - I know we have different views, but your we somehow seem to get past all that. I think is the bushman in me that you relate too? An assumption no doubt, but we have had a few good talks about this and that. I welcome the well wishing and the prayer too! ... My hang ups with religion are my own. Anyone that can still open up to me after that has to fairly genuine in my book. Friends are not easy to find these days. Not ones that you can really open up too. I really do appreciate the times you pop in, and especially when you share. I have heard you each time re the difficulty in reaching out man. I hear ya, I do. :)

John - I apologize for if appearing to forward when reaching out in chat.

Nothing you say in here will ever be taken as if inconsiderate. What you go through is as much a hurdle as say someone else dealing with whatever.

Health anxiety and the many other aspect that I do not suffer is something I need to be more open with regarding others. Just because I don't seem come under its only means I know bugger all about it ... all the more reason I should be more open. I see you helping out so much more in the forum than I ever have. The least we can do is be here for you.

So narrrr man ........ your way too nice to be considered anything but a good bloke...and there is also not such thing as toooo nice. :)

Hang in there man ..................... how long you been off the ciggies again ... and don't count from when you busted either ... when did you make the decision to quit? Sing out man and tell us whats happening.
__________________________________

How John ...... what did you think about the guy that dropped that Lion? I was curious how you might feel about that? Despite my views ... I respect they way you hunt. How's the stock in the freezer going? I might wish to be begaterian one day, but still eat meat twice a week. Goto love that grass feeding stuff.

Take care mate ... again ... if I was out of place reaching out in chat. I have enjoyed our chats is all.

peace bro.

needtogetwell

08-14-2015, 04:43 PM

Sleeve in progress of Scotts sweater. Front and back done.

Ponder

08-14-2015, 04:47 PM

Dahila - do please continue to share ... I am really interested in how a market stall would pan out for you. Pam ... thanks for the chat ... I get on with my art today.

Srry if I left anyone out ... supperchick and anyone is welcome in this here thread. The more the better. My opinions are just my own and I will respect anothers. I understand my passion on various subjects alienates me to be sure ... but I am more interested in others feeling at peace in here ... I don't want to chase others away with my hangups.

Do please say anything that comes to mind John and for anyone that wants to join and share anything ... Dahila makes a good point and yes, I would love to see others peoples hobbies ... anything ......

I get on with my day.

Over to you guys.

Ponder

08-14-2015, 04:50 PM

lol Pam ... just missed each other again ....... feel like I am trying to get away from a PC game where I only have one more lvl to go ...

Technical skills are impressive there Pam ... Lisa just started knitting not long ago. I can appreciate those stitches! My favorite jumpers are the knitted ones. It's a rare thing to see one hand knitted these days.

See John - I am the crazy one here. Always coming and going ...

Anything goes man.

We catch up soon ... this time I go ...

needtogetwell

08-14-2015, 05:19 PM

Dave, I've been knitting since I was 5. The one and only useful thing my mother taught me.

This takes a lot of patience and a bit of concentration in the beginning. Once you know how the pattern repeats it is full speed ahead. I just have to be careful not to irritate the nerves in my shoulders, neck, muscles in my upper back too. Finally got that pain misery under control, not going to knit for hours just to screw all that up.

Good for Lisa taking up knitting, before you know it she will making jumpers for you.

Dahila

08-14-2015, 06:19 PM

Helloo Pam knitter from Dahila Knitter. I do knit for decades too, the sleeve looks exactly like my sweater that I made for myself. Ponder please, you going to jinx it> Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I will have to copy your new tutorial and print it out so I remember I am going to do it now. John I do not think you should stop posting because your problems seem to be not as bad as Pam's is or D.
I just went through serious of tests, because the ENT was suspecting growth in my sinuses. I lost my sense of smell for 6 months. Difficult to cook :)
We are here for Pam and she knows that. All of us... I got to go for now

Ponder

08-14-2015, 06:35 PM

Its good to be self sufficient Pam. You have done a lot of things yourself of late. You know how much they charge for a well hand knitted jumper these days. HUNDREDS! I could not believe it. Not talking about machine knitted. Now I don't mean to suggest anything of designer labels or wanting fancy clothes. Each to their own, but not my thing. Here's the thing ... whilst I go one about the negative aspects to culture and how its often thrown back in our faces in PC (political correctness) terms - any of the good aspects that can be found in this or that culture have been commercialized and the main reason much of the art is now all but lost. Soon we will be seeing people upload photos of words they have hand written. lmfao. hehehe. hmmm ... I think that says a lot ... more about just how fast things are moving.

Now - I will get to my damn art room in a minute ... the wife distracted me (Lisa) with a new scrap book page she just did. I just had to take a photo and share with John, as well as yourselves. Srry if it offends - I am holding a pigs head in one of the photos ... some graphic shots. BUT - this is who I be and where I've been. At least I am not staking pigs heads on people pickets fences. Remember when I told you about living in Housing Commission and the story on that. Well this during that time, but we went to visit The Old Man. My biological father. I never really knew him that well - He moved out from England way back. Have already gone on a bit about that. Anyways I kept in touch with him (Regrettably a one sided affair that never saw him keep in touch) as much as I could. He live several hours away - about half hour drive from where Danny met his end. We both grew up on the land so had that in common ... I took the kids down to meet him. Having met my wife in the Capital City ... it was quite an experience for her as well as the kids. I only ever entered in to suburban life full time after starting my family with Lisa. This was also the time I won custody of my oldest boy. Although he was in a bad environment (alcohol/drugs) ... The denigration that ensued and the ridiculous court proceedings I think did more damage. I regret very much now. Alas ... another story best left to the wind.

So anyways - here's that page on Porky The Pig - The Big Country Trip to see The Old Man:
(We have now lost touch - it was what it was - was good to of at least seen we had a few thing in common although did not really know each other)

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/698/20393984679_d67d88f333_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/x59v8v)
_______
_

Click Link to ↔ Enlarge next photo:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/19959776993/sizes/o/

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/767/19959776993_671915f948_c.jpg

Dahila

08-14-2015, 06:48 PM

Thanks Dave, I copied it, and will try tomorrow to follow the instruction:))

Ponder

08-14-2015, 06:52 PM

LOL Dahila - I hear ya. No more tutorials. :) You also make a good point re joining in Dahila.

Srry I am missing posts like words when I read. My Bad.

Just wanting to note that today marks the first day, my youngest Son Hits The Big Smoke. Thought it was cool how my wife just shared that Scrapbook page with me and that fact about my Son arriving in the big city today. Now I know why she had a few tears. He is a sweet kid really - but also stands up well. I think he will do well. So far he has been posting some funny and promising photos of his journey. He got a place to live and seems happy with that. Share commadation with 10 others close the the CBD. Next goal is to get a job.
_______________

Dahila - May I ask, does that solution that makes soap clear ... does that still keep it healthy soap? ... also what kind of scented materials go into your soaps. We smelt some the other day when out, and it smelt so good I could eat it. Yea Yea, I know don't eat it Dave ... Just saying is all. Is there any you have to be careful of with people making them smell larger than life? Are some peoples sweet smelling soaps something us eczema people should be careful of?

needtogetwell

08-14-2015, 07:33 PM

I will jump in here Dahila, I know the question is for you.

I guess it depends on what is making the soap smell so sweet. If it is naturally derived, and you don't have any allergy to any of the ingredients, then maybe it won't cause you any issues. I just wouldn't use it if your skin is flaring up.

If the soap is natural with things like oatmeal or aloe in it I would think they would be soothing for your skin.

Dahila

08-14-2015, 07:56 PM

Well I use lately fragrance oils but I make some with essential oils too.. even when the soap is not scented it smells good:) I am big fan of cleys, they give the soap the slip and dense lather, I use botanics too. like dandelion, nettle, plantain the weed, camomile, lavender buds, whatever I have, lately I am adding cleys and buttermilk to all of them. :)I think kaolin clay is better than oatmeal or colloidal oats; the fancy name is grind down oats to very fine powder. I think aloe vera does not survive the saponifaction process: Changing the fats into soap.......But honestly I would not go back to commercial soaps, and back to dry flaky skin.
The soap is the one the generation after generations made, It is very old. The only difference is; right now we make a better soap, having all the tools to it; precise scales, stick blenders, stainless steel tools. I have a scale for lotions, and it weights to 0.01 gram , pretty impressive
The solution is Sodium lactate 1% of let's say 200 grams, and distilled water. It should be preserved like everything that contains water. Soap bar does not have any water it evaporated during curing. Bacteria does not like high PH of soaps so it is not preserved, Not really difficult to understand it. My liquid glycerin soap is made of KOH which is Caustic Potash but not as dangerous as lye NAOH used to make a soap bar:) In LS I use glycerin instead of water (good for the skin) and Olive oil, coconut oil and castor oil I think :))

jessed03

08-14-2015, 08:11 PM

Well I use lately fragrance oils but I make some with essential oils too.. even when the soap is not scented it smells good:) I am big fan of cleys, they give the soap the slip and dense lather, I use botanics too. like dandelion, nettle, plantain the weed, camomile, lavender buds, whatever I have, lately I am adding cleys and buttermilk to all of them. :)I think kaolin clay is better than oatmeal or colloidal oats; the fancy name is grind down oats to very fine powder. :)) I think aloe vera does not survive the saponifaction process: Changing the fats into soap.......But honestly I would not go back to commercial soaps, and back to dry flaky skin.
The soap is the one the generation after generations made, It is very old. The only difference is; right now we make a better soap, having all the tools to it; precise scales, stick blenders, stainless steel tools. I have a scale for lotions, and it weights to 0.01 gram , pretty impressive
The solution is Sodium lactate 1% of let's say 200 grams, and distilled water. It should be preserved like everything that contains water. Soap bar does not have any water it evaporated during curing. Bacteria does not like high PH of soaps so it is not preserved, Not really difficult to understand it. My liquid glycerin soap is made of NAOH and glycerin instead of water (good for the skin) and Olive oil, coconut oil and castor oil I think :))

I would love some of your soaps, D. Pity you live so many thousand miles away!!! I'm trying to cut out as much of the junk from my life as possible. I think washing with natural products is great. I don't think bodies like all these additives, pesticides, preservatives and chemicals that are being shoved into foods, bathroom products and even water! :-/

Sorry everyone, bit rude. Popping in and the first thing I talk about is me! P, I've been watching your videos. Great stuff. "Separation anxiety" LOL, hilarious!

I hope you guys are well.

Dahila

08-14-2015, 08:30 PM

Jesse I even make my own all purpose cleaning spray, no allergies, no coughing, everything clean and shiny. Of course I use chemicals but my spray does not have to last for 5 years in some hot warehouse or cold so I preserve it like my lotion, actually with the same thingy :))
I had a problem for years with cold sores around my lips, it was cured after I switched to my veggies, to my products, and my body fight with the virus (95% of population have it)
You are wise Jesse try to avoid the the cheap and commercial products if you can. ;)
I better shut up now guys before you kick me out:))

Ponder

08-14-2015, 10:16 PM

Make your posts as long as you like Dahila :) Thanks Pam, much appreciated. I am glad I asked. Like Jesse, I try to avoid what chemicals I can. I have taxed my liver way too much and kidneys not what they used to be. That's some choice info on the soaps. Thank you very much. The clay ones sound very nice Dahalia. I have taken exfoliating for granted for a long time now. lol ... I have attempting to shave more often, and find rubbing my face with different surfaces can help before I rub that cheap moisturizer I bought last year into my face. I should grind up some oats like you said way back then. Make up a milky wash. I think that will help. I get dry flaky skin that burns if I don't watch what I eat and allow myself to dry out.

I think many people are starting to get that way as they take in more chems, age, and so on. I think having a section just on helaing soaps would be a good thing Dahila. No doubt that's what you are all about.

Nice to see you Jess. Glad you had a laugh man.

Just reporting in before I start my next project. I just finished my first Soft Pastel Canvas Pic:
Details best viewed from the text link below: (Flickr sucks with the magnified view)

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5799/19963814933_3b4abe9170_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/wq8LDK)

Does not look too bad when view from a couple of feet. I am quite happy with it. I followed a tutorial from youtube. You saw the cheap chalky version I did earlier. The soft pastel on canvas is a little tricky, but was good experience. Now I will use the more common ColorFix Papper (like sand paper)

Will be fun just picking one out and going from a picture. Time for cuppa and then take my time deciding on what to draw - then paint.

Here is up close Dahila ... so you can see how progressed though the application. I like how they are more forgiving from a distance :)

Detail is best viewed from the following text link (Flickr's Magnified view sucks big time)
https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/19963814393/sizes/o/

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/733/19963814393_f038770304.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/wq8Lur)

Ponder

08-15-2015, 02:39 AM

I'd like to thank you Dahila - I hope you don't mind me sharing this. It's been a while since I have seen something positive come out of the states. I am always quick to rant how fucked up capitalism is, and whilst I find the admissions somewhat lacking and the ending a little honey coated ... it was uplifting all the same. Heading in the right direction and worth a lot of credits in one of the most fucked up generations we have ever had the privilege to endure.

FANTASTIC SHARE DAHILA - THANKS HEAPS:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16K6m3Ua2nw

Ponder

08-15-2015, 02:47 AM

On another Note - I'd just like to say I found this to be an awesome movie:
Don't mind saying it brought tears to me eyes.

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/yellow-face/crying-smiley-emoticon.png

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEO1TWeM5JU

needtogetwell

08-15-2015, 04:57 AM

Hi guys!

P. If you want the best and cheapest exfoliater ever, just mix some coconut oil or olive oil, with some sugar. Rub on skin. It feels grainy but once you wash it off you have the smoothest and best skin ever. Bonus: no chemicals at all!

Only thing is that you have to be careful if you use in the shower, makes it slick underfoot.

Can't stay long right now, nurse coming at 7:30 to hook Scott up to his IV fluids.

Catch you later.

JohnC

08-15-2015, 06:10 AM

Pam if you start putting sugar and coconut oil on i am gonna want to have a bite :)
Ponder, answer to your question about the lion; I think it's a shame but there was a time in my life that when i hunted it was all about the trophy. Now its about the meat and not wasting and taking a life unnecessarily for no reasons. Just last night i shot a ground hog because i am starting to have a problem with them on my property ( They dig holes in the yard that you cant see and then you step in them when walking ) anyway, i used to just toss them off in the weeds but i always felt bad about it. This time i cleaned it and put it in the freezer. To spend $50,000 to hunt a lion is just fucking stupid and i don't think you eat lion, WTF

Dahila

08-15-2015, 07:21 AM

Well the movie is awesome I had watched it twice, and yes I was crying.
Pam you never tried my sugar scrubs no coconut oil which is not the best for face but is awesome on hair. I am making emulsified sugar scrubs and everyone loves that . But it must be preserved like everything I make. Better option for the face is a bit of olive oil and Himalayan pink salt; fine, mix small amount and wash gently the face with round movement of your fingers. I always liked the creams, lotions, scrubs, was buying tons of that. The only thing I changed is I am making it, so I do control what is inside:) People ask me how is possible to have such glowing skin in my age. It is possible, water inside,, a lot of veggies. and clean products.
Guys watch a move Dave posted the trailer, it is on hell of a movie:))
D I had comment on your canvas on flicr. What a waste Andrew does not come here anymore. I like him......What happened with Marc? Where is he? Pam have you get my message on FB?

needtogetwell

08-15-2015, 12:10 PM

New visitor to the seed pile. I have tried for 2 days to get this blue jays picture, very camera shy bird. They also move really fast.

Dahila

08-15-2015, 04:01 PM

They are fast and very aggressive, they will chase all smaller birds from the feeder. They are beautiful:))

Ponder

08-15-2015, 04:05 PM

Thanks for getting back to me on that John. Was just curious about your thoughts on it was all. Can cost a bit to fence a property hey. I get what you mean about the holes. Glad your not into killing for fun, but I already knew that. If I could handle people, I would not of sold my bow and joined a target shoot club as no more than another theme to throwing darts. Unfortunately you get those who just love to talk about killing things. This is where my hiking buddy and I part tracks. I was feeling little guilty cutting down them trees recently, but figured there where more than enough young ones to take up the slack. I've been back there a few times now and the timber is always there is I need it. It's really all about waste at the end of the day. No matter how much we change our realities, we all share the same resources on the same rock.

Going to spend some time just surfing the web this morning and see if I can find another good movie. (few and far between for me these days) All the movies seem to be about the same old thing. Conflict ... ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I start to fall to sleep just looking at all the movie sleeves lined up side by side on netflix. The pictures almost look the same. In action, everyone is holding a weapon and all looked stressed out wanting to kill or run for thier lives ... Even the stories are the same. I can't believe how lazy the writers are these days or just plain stupid. To be fair though, we have some pretty stupid audiences these days. Very easily lead. In Drama - it's getting the same way ... War is like an instant ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz with more idealistic BS as if presented by the BBC and the Docos are trying to be more like drama shows that teach you whatever the fuck they want............ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz Ted talks is for middle class tryhards with narrow minds. They start to boo and ban those talkers who dare to offend. Need I go on about the gazillion teen movies that are about on par with the ninja turtles. LOL at what makes their minds tick. Fucking Sad cases all round these day. No wonder this place is full of kids. No offence ... Pull up a seat!

SIGH - must be Sunday or something is it? It's fucked you know ... today's kids get a pretty raw deal. Somehow we got on that topic the other day Pam. I know what you mean about the welfare mentality. The first I heard the term was in a church. Maybe I make a coffee and write up one of my BS posts. How does that sound? lol ... The Baby Boomers were graced with a good period you know, and now they have truly fucked the world in so many ways ... too afraid to let go of their wealth. Forcing kids to think they way they do. For sure it came before all the generations before them ... but nothing like it is now.

Freeloaders is the chant now hey - Yea ... I think I make that cuppa and tell you how the young folk get fucked over now. You guys just continue on ... don't let me stop the parades. hehe I did say I wanted to put a good word for the young ones defense ... first I go make that cuppa.

Ponder

08-15-2015, 07:35 PM

Is not an easy topic. It also does not help that I have so much racing around in my head, but is OK - I have been learning for a long time now how to deal with that. It just bears reminding that this is written by a maladjusted, an undesirable and no doubt one predisposed to much bias. But for many in here that should be a welcoming trait. Now where to begin?
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GOD Damn Free loaders! :

... is the typical theme that spills out across your average Christmas dinner table in most Baby Boomer households across the world. Some just don't know when to shut the fuck up:

".....and David - how is the Job going?" "When we were younger ..." "We started with nothing! - and let me tell you!" "The problem with kids today........" "Just no God Damn Respect I tell you..."When grandpa got off the boat..." "We started with a suitcase!!!!!! - and look at us now!!!!" "GOD Damn Free Loaders!!!" "So I ask again David, how is the Job Going?"

So once you get through all the "I's" & "We's" the next thing they serve up is "You's" with a dash of demeaning sauce. You know that taste ... the one designed to make you feel worthless and in need of doing better. Now comes the lesson and driving force for self betterment:

"...Oh don't you worry, "you" will get better!" "...Your will feel better about yourself when ...." ...Just buy yourself" "...stop spending your money on..." No no no ..." "I can always tell by the way a person looks me in the eye" "You really should ..."

It's actually the more subtle words and motions that do more damage. The above does not adequately convey the extent of negative projecting that resultant low self esteem to which I am trying to highlight. I am sure many of you understand enough though. The context from which I present is from a middle position sandwiched between three generations with a 4th now in the making.

Greatest Generation 1901 - 24 + 1925 - 1945 / Baby Boomers 1946 -1964
My parents being borderline Baby Boomers who where "on" the tail end of the "Greatest Generation" [WWII as children & Civil Rights Movement] Actually subcategory "The Silent Generation" Many of whom were in their prime during the area of Space Exploration, First Modern "counterculture"

Generation X 1965 - 1985 75-85 →Rise of Mass Media/end of the Cold War
Myself Gen X (sub category → Baby Busters ... Experienced Vietnam War/Cold War)

Generation Y 1977-1994 78-90 → Rise of the Information Age/Internet/War onTerror/Iraq War/Rising Gas and Food PricesMy Kids
Generation Z 1995-2012 95-2007 → Rise of the Information Age/Internet/dot combubbleDigital Globalization
My Kids

NOTE* There is a new generation now cycled back with the name yet again "Silent Generation" Gen Z - Makes a lot of sense ... the cycle.
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Source:
http://www.esds1.pt/site/images/stories/isacosta/secondary_pages/10%C2%BA_block1/Generations%20Chart.pdf
http://www.socialmarketing.org/newsletter/features/generation3.htm (http://www.socialmarketing.org/newsletter/features/generation3.htmThere)

There actually quite more categories than I thought. What stands out here as I contemplate the data, is very much my favorite Einstein quote:
"I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots." Albert Einstein.

Greedy little selfish beings we have become. Its not just one generation - we should not take it personally and dog the others for giving into greed. I started this thread wanting to think in terms of defense. However that's pretty much the problem throughout our most recent history. We can however highlight just how blinded we have all become.

Baby Boomers grew up in a rather prosperous period. That's why they were able to get off the boat with a suit case and pretty much find a job straight away. It was no great feat to get a job and go buy a house. My wife's parents bought a house for 50K back in the 70's - Today that same house is worth approximately 1.4 - 1.5 Million. Granted they bought it in Australia's Capital City Sydney. Sydney Australia is listed 5th among the most expensive cities to live in the world. In fact Australia is one of the most expensive countries to live per capita on the world. It's a bit like a runaway freight train - Corporations pushing up the prices backed by governments (puppets) always preaching prosperity and advancements. Basically it's not just about the oil prices - mass production is actually overkill and highlights the real issues of greed. Greed is what generates the unjust wars that pushes up the oil prices. The generational charts now available show a clear picture on just how greedy we have all become and imo, the transference guilt

So anyways - back to the Blinded notion that gives birth to the term "Welfare Mentality" I think is says more about those that project such words than those they wish to tar. Allow me to give you an example of inflation that is the same no matter what city one lives in. When my wife was born (1973) A women's weekly magazine was worth 20 cents. By the time my wife was 20 years old, inflation had seen that magazine rise by more than 10. $3.30 a pop. I would challenge anyone here to prove to me, whether inflation had multiplied by a factor more than 10 to the previous 20 years? I am betting not. The second world war, although reasoned justly needed is a known factor into driving the economy. It was a welcomed side effect that did not slow momentum until about that 10X inflation point. Since then till now the price for the women's weekly has double to about $6.60. This does not mean the continuing generations have it easier. The noose is still tight and being born under such an oppressive regime that refuses to give up the honey, is as barbaric as what the second world war claims to of been fighting against. (The side effect of wealth although enjoyable at the time, has brought us in a full circle to where we now inflict our own ideals upon other nations to foster our own interests, but do so in the name of peace. As well as a tight noose, one can only imagine the mind fuck for those being born about now)
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I hit enter whilst I think on my point some more ... about why it is that we pass on guilt instead of helping each other out. What kind of Legacy do our parents leave us with today? How $$$ become more important than the children they failed to raise. Is hard not to get side tracked ... less cursing and more contemplation.

I ponder on how all that has happened between the Second World War ... We now have a new Category → The New Silent Generation [Gen Z] (the same sub category name for the children of WWII) ... There is much in that. We have been just a destructive with this new age of so called prosperity. Is very sad ... but I think there is hope.

Dahila

08-15-2015, 08:15 PM

thank you for the interesting read, and the first pdf is good and I had never actually read something explaining it all. Second link takes me to 404 no found. Yes, yes you absolutely right. It is global trend right now. I counted another day that prices of food in Canada went from 99 cents to 4.99 for a loaf of bread; cheap, white bread with a lot of chemicals. For good bread it can be as much as 7 dollars
In the last 23 years I tank my car, gas went from 19 c a liter is from 116 before noon to 109 on evening. Half of Canada is paying like 126 for a liter due the f***** Indiana refinery is under construction. The joke on Canadians, we have as much oil as Saudi Arabia. Still taking gas from Indiana US.
I do not understand it. if inflation rate is so high, and prices of houses hit the roof, no I think it is all to manipulate society. I worry what is going to happen for my grandchild, and I do understand my son who does not want to bring the child to this world, he says he would not afford it....He is right..
Unfortunately money is everything in today world , I told you so many times that we should be happy we are not in our 20 and we are not starting out...........I get as upset as you do.............

Ponder

08-15-2015, 09:45 PM

Its means a good deal to me to be understood, Thank you Dahila. I appreciate that very much.

I found the second link even better ... more spot on with the dates and a little extra info:
http://www.socialmarketing.org/newsletter/features/generation3.htm

It should work this time.
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I know Canada is feeling the pinch like many world wide - but notice how they broadcast out optimism and pass the buck. Is like blaming kids for not exercising enough in a sedentary world whilst feeding the chunks of fat and buckets of sugar. I do not blame the young ones for being so fucked up. Not at all. Is hard not to get negative ourselves when talking on such topics. I ask people to consider how it is that we come up with hurtful comments to make others feel they are not doing enough. Where did we learn to talk like so? Does it help? Absolutely Not ... it only makes it worse!

I know many of my own ideals conflict. I have no doubt that I appear full of myself in the eyes of others as I give in to vanity, greed and whatever. It is hard to visit my in-laws knowing they have the means to help their debilitated daughter, but instead still make out that we younger ones need to do it on our own. For sure I get angry and bitter. It is not easy to "not" want some of their money.

Right now - they are about to inherit a LOT of money. It's not a case of coming from those who cry about the bills - although their parents grew worked working in a shoe shop and worked hard to buy a house; they in turn would use harsh words like free loaders this and free loaders that. We this and we that. They should think themselves more lucky they lived in a time where working in a shoe shop was enough for one to save for a home. LOL - It's incomprehensible and quite cruel for such types to compare as they do. Enter the new age of self that passes of guilt in order to keep hording the riches.

But yea ... whatever ... Fact is, My wife's illness will in all likely hood have her in a wheel chair by the time we can live out our dream. Bad choice of words, considering the sales pitch on dreams re the 80's boom (LOL - more sarcasm creeping in) - Ours in not a house ... Merely an old broken down RV that we can choose to live in and choose to live house free. Given the cost of living, my wife's disability, then my capacity - Nope ... "Its all our fault - up to us ... No we are not going to help ... that is your J - O - B"

But is OK - I am learning to accept the cruelty in that. That does not mean I let the get away scot free with hurtful comments. Not at all ... I just learn not to react. It would seem they are becoming more bitter than me. I'm sure after the big inheritance they will stop crying about their own life style - get out of debt and smile for a while. It will not last long, and even though they now resort to comments like "Not my issue, I will soon be dead!" I can see they are pretty lonely as their own children are likewise falling victim to inflation and treat them with disrespect. (cycle again)

Again whilst the inflation rate has seemingly slowed (you can only get so tight before the head pops off) - even the would be reapers of the boomer period are now falling victim to the cost of living. But here comes the hope as I see it ... or maybe not:

Look at the names given to the generations ... look at the cycle. I say it will be a good thing the sooner many of these older ones are dead. Good - Not your problem ... we look forward to your parting. The sooner the better.

BABY BOOMERS are the ones now running the world ... the sooner they are gone the sooner we can pass on the reigns to that with a less blinded view. The question is - just how damaged are those that were indoctrinated under their rule.

We Gen xers have taken out a lot of shit on our own kids. I like to think I have taught my kids pretty good ... but many Xs have been washed pretty good! How dare we blame the kids. Who the fuck are we to know better than them. My wife does point out some pretty good options with point of view from an X position, however we also are like middle syndrome kids. I do believe the X are doing some good things ... they run some pretty savy equality groups, but still infected with residual pain ... The Ys do have issues no doubt ... who they fuck can blame them for that? ... I think the Zs The New Silent ones. The sooner we die off and get down to them ... the sooner we may have a chance to save this planet. But can we afford to wait. aharrrr

Paradox right there and also yet another form of passing the buck. NOPE - we got to act together and we got to act now ... but not some kind of ranting activist ... hehe ... debatable I know ...
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Enter the Zen Warrior that gives in to all. That's the ticket - We X's Y's and whatever is left of the boomers need to all join the nearest monk monastery and do our best to teach the Zs ... then instead of being so quiet, they might start to feel better about things and do what we have been unable to do ... start being again of instead of always trying to do.

Less parades glorifying war ... Have you noticed how they are upping the anty on all the war docos whilst most WW vets or now dying off. It's a great thing that they are dying off. America may still attempt to glorify with that fake war parades, but when the WW vets are gone ... more of the next Gens are not going to attend parades. There is going to be change. Right now, there is already a sense of SHAME associated to all the wars that have followed the (Air Quotes → the "wars we needed to have")

Ignore these wealth mongers - do not react. We may very well end up in a world that is hard to breath and end up having to walk everywhere once more. This would be a small price compared to not existing at all. This comes from someone who claims he is sick of living. Would not be so bad if all the Boomer Lifestyle was Dead, no more Vets or parades for us to cling to and all the rest of the so called pain we must not forget. Let them have their $$$.

Here is my response Dahila about the part regarding living in a world that runs on Money. Learn to live on Less. We do not NEED $$$ to breath the air just yet - Yes we need water and now water cost money ... but many of us that live in countries with taped water are the ones that need to live on less. I remember well Marc (G'day Marc) saying something to the effect - "it was never about the money" - arharrrr ... indeed ... its all about the value we place on being. Some people claim to work to pay the Bills, while others Work to maintain a lifestyle. Just as it's not about the money, work is not about toil.

Life style ... taxes, bills, rates, and on and on - (excuses for many) You only suffer the more you want. We all choose to live the way we live. Although depiste choice being thrown in many faces, many have thier choices taken (a criminal offense to have no money nor a home ... fallibility in choice)

Lisa's parents sold that house before it hit 1.5 million. That got 500k, built a new house and opened a business. The business went bust, they has to sell the home. They built a smaller one but still in a ritzy place. Again they have now been hemmed in with biting of more than they could chew. Trying to live the high life showing off to all tier friends. Now this windfall coming from the man that work in the shoe shop who is about to meet his end. The fighting going on over the money is quite a sickening affair.

Lisa and I although jobless, are doing quite well. We don't need their money to be content with the little we have. The less we have the better we feel. The only thing that makes poor people poor, is those that bestow their bullshit on how much more they think others need. That there is the fucking problem. The world runs on money ... my wife and I fucking don't! Technically yes ... but we do not subscribe to it owning us or us owning anything. Rich and Poor can both learn these things. Marc is right - It's not about the money. I bring that back into light knowing that when I was selling all my shit and still have much more to be rid of ... that too was not about the money. It came, but I got rid of it just as quick.

The sooner we stop bitching over the Legacy of Money and the sooner one generation passes it to the next, the quicker we may be able to draw upon the good that once existed way back before the industrial revolution. A time no doubt still full of issues, but nothing like the selfish fucks we have now all become.

The only things that humans need to keep alive thus far is a breathable atmosphere, H2O, a few nuts, fruits, some plants and some wares. All the rest is BS - is just want and greed. We need to stop bull shitting ourselves and start sharing anything else that rates as more. No offense Dahila, but the world does not run on money ... We have only been taught to think it does. Once you realize what can be accomplished with just a fresh air, water and some greens ... words like enrichment and prosperous give way to a language that knows no bounds.

Like my Hiking buddy says - That's the shit that dreams are made of. If you want to chase a dream this day and age ... Lean to Live on Less.

Technically we have painted ourselves into a corner, but I still say no - and I highlight the fact now that it's not about the money - never has been" Once we make it about money, we dig our own holes.

Ponder

08-16-2015, 01:17 AM

In other News - Just got reports that the child basher has started up again. I was hoping to avoid this saga, but can't quite let go of child bashers. Need to go look after Lisa. She is not taking it well. Apparently one of his other kids has attracted attention via the school acting on concerns. When questioned our grandsons 'name was mentioned. He is being hit behind our daughters back. The other child who is now under the school radar has been suffering Anxiety Attacks at school.

That's all I can say for now. Going to cook dinner and help my wife settle. This kind of thing makes her MS flare up and whatever damage happens to her during such episodes is irreversible. I feel like petrol bombing one of the local government depts around here. Namely Child Protection! Baby Boomers - Fucking Cowards. Good at making rules, but wont act on notifications until someone in Authority has the energy to do so. Grrrrrrrrr.

This shit has been going on way too long. Looks like are hand will be forced to take action against our daughter in order to make her see sense. Currently she is defending the abuser. Atypical Scenario.

Belting the kid in secret and the mother defending him. Fuck he must be feeling quite powerful of late. A trail of kids with symptoms that call for the schools attention and still the fuckers are waiting for some kind of sexual abuse admission from the older girl and or for our grandson to be the next one having anxiety attacks.

I appreciate the concern Dahila - whilst I advocate letting go of the pain, I don't advocate letters child abuser get away scott free and I also think those that make the fucking rules are more responsible in the worst kind of ways. I can see clear as day. My earlier posts are fucking spot on!

GGGGrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Edit .... No one wants to talk about, until someone goes off with a bomb!

Ponder

08-16-2015, 02:37 AM

Went to the medicine cabinet for the first time in a long time tonight.

Goodnight ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

JohnC

08-16-2015, 05:23 AM

Not to change the subject but is that movie you guys were talking about a few post back free online some place?

needtogetwell

08-16-2015, 05:53 AM

Hey John,

I thought Ponder put a link in there somewhere. Would take me a bit to find it.

Good to see you. All is pretty good with us for the last couple of days. Hope this continues.

Dahila

08-16-2015, 07:31 AM

I think it is page before 70,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWo67uhzoQg Here you are John
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0xv-peO4ec I loved it and then second part as good as the first one (whole movie )
http://secure.sinta.pw/2555736
All of them are heartwarming movies, and you will like it.

Hi guys, Pam, Dave, John and maybe Marc is here too.

Dave I more than anyone else I am trying to live on almost nothing. You know that I make a lot of food from scratch, grow my own, Make my own. Yes i spend a lot of money initially for supplies, but hopefully it will come back to me. I do not need a lot. I drive Kia , and I refuse to get anything which has lean on it. Even house we live is paid off. I own Zero, 0 to credits cards. I do not even go to the stores to browse, not anymore. I do not need much. :)) Oh maybe I am a snobby brat with computer, but I use it so much............ I pamper myself with it:)
The less we buy the richer we are......... I am not kidding, independence is the most important thing now, not to rely on credit, Unfortunately what I do not give them in stores, they take in the price of electricity, for Pete sake we paying Hydro retirement debt. We costumers. People are stealing and everyone knwos it and what is done? Nothing absolutely nothing. They just make a new tax, higher the rates (Hydro electricity; it is shocking but they pay Us to take electricity, because we have too much, and it can not be stored. Then we have smart meters. Evil.............

I am so sorry that the Abuser is back on the scene. D. I know what you talking about more than you think. I was in situation like your are now, with your daughter ...............and baby.
It took more than 5 years for someone dear to me to leave the asshole and not to go back.

I am thinking about you guys and it is awful Pam, is good to hear that the last two days seem better. Drink it up like sunshine. I am so sorry Lisa is worse, not doubts when so much is happening. I had the same situation and it made me sick, my anxiety, actually I was on AD for a year due the same as you guys have................
I am so sorry for all you guys go through..........

Im-Suffering

08-16-2015, 08:46 AM

Its not really that you should live on less money. Or that somehow to have less is virtuous. Or good for the soul.

This thought that money is bad is in direct conflict with how you feel about it. When you have it, you feel good. You love your experience with it, regardless of what you think about it. Ive said many times in past posts that life to a great extent, its purpose, is to learn to think aright, and control your own mind. I say your experience of money of course, not what you see others doing with it.

There must be a clear distinction made between owning stuff, and owning money. You never want to look at the way you are handling your life as restrictive, or squeezing like a vice, or denying. It is not good to give up stuff and money.

By not spending on useless objects, you actually have more money saved. Less objects = more money. Not restrictive, wealthy-er.

I love what money stands for, it is symbolic of so mannnnyyy lessons, that interestingly have nothing to do with it. Probably the greatest tool ever created.

Money is the physical manifestation of abstract concepts like love, happiness, as well as anger, and sadness - fear and hatred. The fear of poverty and the loss of liberty, the fear of criticism, loss of love, and death are all tied into money.

Money is inherently neutral until it falls into someones hands, and then their personal beliefs control the attitude toward it and its destiny.

You cannot learn the lesson of money if you push it away from you, thats another lesson. Security comes to those who learn to control it, like an extension of themselves.

needtogetwell

08-16-2015, 01:05 PM

Nice to see you Marc.

I too am not tied to money, simply because I don't have it. Hell, I have enough to live on and pay the bills but don't regret for a moment not having the cumbersome albatross hanging over my head that is debt.

The only thing I owe is my mortgage. No credit cards, no lines of credit. Just this afternoon I was at my sister 's place and they were telling me about their 25yr old daughter who is just drowning in credit card debt, not to mention her car loan, oh and did I mention the insurance premiums for that age driver. This girl doesn't have two nickels to run together. And yet every time she gets too far gone she runs to my sister to bail her out.

My sister and her husband are baby boomers. Yes they have the big house, yes they have many toys, but I must say that they have always helped their children when they needed help. Mind you the two younger ones are very responsible with their money, it is just the oldest one who is a disaster.

Could I use a bunch of money? Sure, I would like to replace the 15 year old carpeting in my house with laminate. Much as I would like hardwood floors I can't justify the price. There are many things I would like to do with my house, but honestly, if it happens great, if it doesn't, not a big deal.

The really sad part is that likely I will come into a modest amount within the year. I wish I wasn't.

JohnC

08-16-2015, 02:16 PM

Thanks D for the link.
I know what your saying Pam about the money... i wouldn't want it that way either.
To be completely honest with you i would love to have a shit load of money. I am tired of struggling but yet i have it so much better than a lot of others but in all honesty i would love to see what it would be like to be on easy street. I have worked my whole life and when my daughter was born premature i gave all my money to health care and same thing when my son had his pyloric stenosis , Doctor bills have taken all my money for the most part and i had to file bankruptcy. I even pulled my retirement out to pay bills ( that was ignorance on my part, i did not have to do that ). Oh well, fuck it. sore subject

needtogetwell

08-16-2015, 02:42 PM

John,
If I had to pay for my child's health care I would give every penny I had. You my friend did what any selfless parent would do. My hats off to you!

I am getting a tiny taste of what it is to have to pay for some of Scotts medications. He has a drug benefit card, which means that 99% of all his medication is free, that which is not free is covered 80% by our benefits at work.

I almost choked when I picked up one prescription the other day....$285. Ouch! That was for the liquid format of the steroid he has to take. This was 2 weeks worth. Now think about it, that was the 20% I had to pay. This stuff out of pocket would have been $1400 . But I don't care, if it helps him then it is worth every penny.

My point here is that we do whatever it takes for those we love. There is no price.

Ponder

08-16-2015, 04:04 PM

For many it is all about the money, for others its about the commodities, whilst for others it is none of those things. Learning to live on less is indeed virtuous when living in a world that strives for more. Striving to live on less, is good, is Just, it is the total opposite to living on more. Living on more is in conflict with Nature. Nature is often used as the pinnacle guide when seeking to get more from less. There are many studies into this as Plancks Constant & the Minimum total potential energy principle. From the way that light moves to how tree branches sit is all based on using the least amount whilst encompassing a stable equilibrium.

Have we done that with money? Has money helped this planet reach a state of equilibrium? Is putting more on our plate helping us reach a state of equilibrium?

When I talk for My perspective, I indeed talk from My perspective and what I have seen.

Money is not the manifestation of Love. That to me sounds like The Secret talking. A concept in which people seek to think themselves rich. A very misguided concept on love full stop. If your into that, then I understand better your talk on manifestation in your previous posts. Of course - each to their own. I think we are strong enough to respect we think differently on such things. No problem this end.

I know well the hook that THE SECRET and other concepts like it (Prosperity Babble) use. They will say that those who seek not to associate in the realm of money, are simply afraid of money. It's a good ploy ... It's that passing off of guilt instead of giving and helping with the "means" - So lets call a spade a spade. It's not about the money. Money is a means to an end. That is until someone else could do with it more than yourself. People sit on their money as if some kind of gauge to how hard they have worked.

The only thing that money manifests is invested emotion based on how much energy was pent up in the past. It's the pent up emotion embedded in their houses, cars and things that further manifests into fear. It becomes fear of fear itself as to adopt the belief that the world runs on money as Dahila has understandably said; is to constantly always be spending energy on creating the resource that has become life itself.

It's a perpetual state of overdoing in order to breath. We have created more work than what is needed. It's our very desire to push for more that has us out of sync with nature ... so out of sync we have become that we are destroying the real life source; one not so easily manifested by thought.

So it is that I will say again; learning to live on less is indeed a good and virtuous thing. It seeks to break this incessant cycle of manifesting unnecessary things, it helps to restore our real life source and not some synthetic measure of what we are taught is the air we need. Living on less teaches us to become more in sync with nature herself. It's the only thing that will see this planet change for the best.
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If anything Marc, you feedback only serves to make me see all the more, as I can only hope mine is the same with you. No matter if different directions.

Is good to hear from you again. Nice to see not much has changed.

How are things fairing for you in your home?

Ponder

08-16-2015, 04:07 PM

Srry John, I just linked a preview was all. No it's not free. But money is not that only method in which to breath. I found another way. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/simpsons/mr-burns-evil-laugh-smiley-emoticon.gif

Ponder

08-16-2015, 04:20 PM

This whole thing about our grandson being at risk requires more thought. Srry for the things I have missed on the other page.

jessed03

08-16-2015, 05:07 PM

Capitalism has been good, in a way, but it's hard to deny now that it needs reigning in. I mean, being able to criticize the government without being thrown into re-education camps like you'd find in many communist countries is awesome, but we can't keep plundering the world. It's not 1920 any more. The earth is starting to look a bit frazzled and the threat of migration looks to change the world as we know it. There are probably a billion people waiting to get to Europe, America or Aus. There's no way everybody can move from the third world to the first world, but of course they want to, and why wouldn't they? They've been exploited for so long. It's only natural they'll eventually want a taste of the good life. The boat people I think signal real sociological change is occurring.

I'm not sure how you reign in something like capitalism though. Governments could put limits on things, but they're too worried about the economy. It's God, to them, isn't it? Germany has a strong economy now, but a falling population. Given we're overcrowded, you'd think more space and resources would be a good thing. Ah, but then you won't be a world superpower, and that's all that matters. Sustainability? "LOL" that's what most countries are saying. Look at Jebb Bush, telling the Pope he didn't want to hear about global warming because it might shrink the US economy. A strong religious man, happy to pursue money and ruin "God's" earth, just for those green dollars.

That beautiful girl that would welcome you if you worked hard has definitely turned bad. Now she's elitist, and even a sadomasochist.

You made a great point about the baby boomers in your last post, Dave. What a great period they had. Jobs were available, housing was fairly cheap. A house in London now costs around £400,000. The average salary unless you're a banker is around £24,000. You have to slave away, as well as your partner, just to be able to live a very basic life. I don't know how kids have the heart to get out of bed in the morning and play and game that's rigged against them.

I'm starting to notice major flaws everywhere I look, and it's actually really upsetting. Cutting down the rainforest and polluting the oceans is just disgusting. We're trading immense natural beauty for a cheap packet of instant noodles or a flavourless McDonald's hamburger. Makes you just weep, doesn't it.

Ponder

08-16-2015, 05:41 PM

They are not migrating to be with the best, capitalism is what has forced them to migrate in the first place. The population is indeed no more than a board game that requires more more more. Capitalism is all about having more. Never a good thing in my book. None the less, like Marc and I ... is OK with me that we each have our own view. Same word but different view.

You reign it in simply by not buying into it. It's the people that spend the money. People need to actually physically stop spending their money on shit they don't need, turn off the telly, radio and find something else that makes their boat float. We have some pretty large groups now on FB that gives away things for free. we now have a couple of hundred thousand individuals on board with that. That's my wife's project. THINGS FOR FREE! -

Ownership ... Pffft People do not own things. People may think they do, but just like the money in their banks and or pockets ... its more owed, than owned.

The old sandwich technique hey ... Nope ... capitalism only breads selfish people, just as socialism creates dictators - just as the economy creates both.

You got to give to get ... smells like capitalism to me. Never a good thing.

How is capitalizing on things good? If something is working, then why change it? Because its better? The birth of self betterment - dar darrrr. Which now brings a sense of loss. If only we could have that other which will bring us more joy ... bigger and better ... enrichment ... . yay yay.

Ponder

08-16-2015, 05:56 PM

Thanks Jess, I hear ya man. I just let you know. I am not in a good spot right now. There is a sick fuck living in the same house as my Grandson that has a fetish for young girls.

I don't want to keep talking about this shit I dragged up with capitalism and selfish fucks. Right now I need to deal with my RAGE. Hopefully I can find some space to write more about that.

I am srry if my tone is coming across too personal. You yourself have made some good points.

Thank You.

Again ... right now ... those meds last night and the rage now in me is quite explosive. I have tried very hard to keep balanced for a long time now. Now it not a good time for me. None the less, it seems a good point in which people then suddenly want to discuss.

From this point I will be choosing to withdraw and write in disgust. I'd ask those that know me to think carefully how they want to prod ... I managed to repair a bridge recently, but don't think I will have it in me to keep putting fires out. So lets not start any. For sure ... take whatever stance ... just give my current state of mind some though.

Reliving the petrol episode I went through is pretty much where I am at.

SICK FUCKS that are the result of capitalism is now more on my line of thinking. Sick fucks that prey on young girls. That's what we have more of in the west. Nice young girls to make us wet. That is what we are fed on our screens. And right now there seems to be a sick fuck with my grandson who has gotten away with way too much.

I am not well today.
lets change the topic. (edit - I know ... it was me that brought it up. Now in the middle of a crisis is all)

Srry and TY.

needtogetwell

08-16-2015, 06:56 PM

Whatever you need my friend. Write if you need to , withdraw if you must.

I have an open ear, and pretty big shoulders. You have been there for me every step of my horror. I intend to do the same as you deal with this horror of yours.

Most importantly....... I understand.

Ponder

08-16-2015, 08:56 PM

Thanks Pam - Lisa seemed happy when I pulled out the package that arrived today. Thanks Heaps. Maple leaves are awesome!!!

Have not time yet to try them on, but they all look like good fits. Again, thanks heaps. A beautiful gesture.

For now, I am still winding down with this whole mess surrounding our grandson.

I should also remember that I'm pretty much pissing in the wind when it comes to talking the truth.

Going to return to picking out a theme for my next pastel attempt.

Thanks again Pam :)

Ponder

08-16-2015, 09:03 PM

______________________
_

This has cheered me up quite a bit. :)

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5758/20454423228_b18f8d9f24_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/xaugps)

Joey will be with us Next week ;)

Ponder

08-17-2015, 12:04 AM

__________________
_

Today's rough pastel practice.

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5745/20458067300_e2fef5f77d_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/xaNWEh)

needtogetwell

08-17-2015, 01:38 AM

You are so welcome my friend.

Like the card said, it's not about flags or anything, it is just as reminder that you have friends a long way away that think of you both often.

Isn't it odd that sometimes things happen just at the right time. The arrival of the package has cheered you and that is more than I could have ever hoped for, especially now.

Dahila

08-17-2015, 08:18 AM

the new pastel is looking good:)) really good

Cullingford

08-17-2015, 02:32 PM

Hi all I thought it was about time I stuck my ugly head in here to see how you all have been doing, It looks like I have a lot of back reading to catch up on. Stuff is all good with me I have been off all meds for ages it's lovely not to have all that shit inside me, I jacked my job in and am back being self employed which is working out really well at the moment it's great not having to be answerable to some jumped up little twat.

Hoping you guys are doing good. I am going to have a flick back and try and make some sense out of whats been happening with you lot. :)

Ponder

08-17-2015, 03:36 PM

Hey Cully! - Nice to see you drop in. Pam already made a comment re timing of a package that just arrived yesterday. It was a gesture like yours that brightened my day and now you have suddenly dropped in. WOW! You know the camera you sent is the only real camera I now have left. I have thought more than a few times now about getting some film and trying out the sunny 16 rule you told me about. I just have too many things on the go and prefer to keep it for the gesture that now both you and Pam have graciously bestowed.

I had a bit of a meltdown and took some form a medicine the other night. I got to say, thank fuck I am off meds. Whilst I slept that night aok - the following days I have been crawling along. I now count myself lucky to have got off my meds. Walking, and eating healthy among some other therapies have been keeping me in check Cully.

Glad to hear that your on a path that seems to be working well for you. Self employment hey. Sounds like throwing the crutches away has been a good ploy for you. LOL bout taking orders dude - you got that right. Unlock the chains and walked away.

I've been following your photography here and there. You've nailed that down pat now. In fact your work has been pretty much exemplary! Stunning does not cover it anymore.

What's been going on in here?
__________

I have been positing in here as a means of self medicating - which for the most part has been doing pretty well.
I am now doing Art classes - Lisa got a bit of online work with a search engine optimizer.
Unfortunately Lisa has more lesions growing on her spine, but at this point non aggressive.
Pam has some unfortunate news as well regarding her husband, but will leave that to Pam to tell. Not sure how well you guys know each other?
Dahilaia and I had a falling out but have since kissed and made up. (just kidding) Well - actually, I burnt the bridge and then had to go find water to put it out.
I'm suffering has been pretty much with us all the way giving some very helpful advice. Still learning a lot from mark myself. IS also had some unfortunate happenings but please to say I know he is still reading and chiming in. Jesse also keep a hawks eye on us all, but pretty gentle in his approach. I then think that leaves us with our hunter gather John. John is off the ciggies and got a job that I think he is reasonable happy with. Sounded fair enough to me. Any job I know what to do in and am able to do without being pushed around in sounds fair enough for me.

I think that is the crew thus far - I do remember someone called Panic cured - have not seen him about of late. I have seen some of the others that sent him on his way though. I got say, despite loosing my own head from time to time, I don't like tar and feathering posse groups. I take a good note of the types of people that band together like that an target the one with venom and spit. I have tried an attempt here and there with one to two ... but seemingly there that air of religiosity that loves to bait.

That's about the size of it my friend. Oh yea, and many of us have been commenting on the amount of "very" young folk that been arriving here - at this Anxiety Den. Not so much the Dynamics - groups will mingle as they will ... but more so the epidemic being of which we speak.
______________

The others can make corrections and or add as they will.

I ponder on a coffee ... and what I intend for me day.

Adios.

needtogetwell

08-17-2015, 04:21 PM

I think you summed up the comings and goings well Ponder.

It is so great to see you Cully, PPP by more often. I have missed you. I do see posts of yours on FB and am completely in awe of your pics of the barn owls. Amazing, simply amazing.

So, how has Pam been, well as you know I more than a little busy dealing with an almost 16 yr old son. If he wasn't autistic, it would be bad enough, but add in autism and you have an unpredictable powder keg. Had to put him on meds back in November, he was getting way to aggressive and out of control.

The end of November saw us put Scotts mother into a nursing home. She has dementia and was a real danger to herself living alone, Scott and I couldn't keep up with trying to get her food, make sure she took her medication etc. we now have peace of mind that she is well cared for, but her pensions don't amount to enough to cover what it costs for her to be there. We have to kick in about $500 )£250) per month. It all worked out ok until the end of May.

The end of May saw my world as I know it come crashing down. May 28th Scott was diagnosed with advanced small cell lung cancer, which had spread to his liver, adrenal glands, lymph nodes in his chest and quite likely to his bones..

The prognosis is not good. At the time of diagnosis they expected him to live for 6 months to a year at the outside. Since then he has been hospitalized twice, had 2 rounds of chemotherapy, the first of which did not work, he has had radiation therapy too. Quite honestly I don't think that any of these therapies are working. Because of the lymph node involvement in his chest, the mass has been obstructing his esophagus and eating and drinking are quite challenging most days. He hasn't eaten a proper meal in I don't know how long. During his last stay in hospital, he had a feeding tube inserted in his stomach. Later this week we will start using it for feeds at night.

Yes, it is a lot, I don't always know how o make it through the days. Ponder and the rest of the gang here are my life line. They hear all the ups and downs. And often talk me off the ledge.

Anyway, enough about me, sounds like you are really happy these days. I am so glad you are off the meds, I know when I came off Effexor it was like getting a new life. I think you can relate.

Please don't be a stranger, we love to see you.

JohnC

08-17-2015, 05:30 PM

Hey Cully great to here from you and you finally got the barn owl i hear. Please throw a pic on here.
Hi Pam
Hi Dahlia
Hi Ponder..... Art seems to suit you
Hi Jess
Hi IM-S
I think i got everyone.............The Fire department just left my house, i guess we took a lightning hit but no fire. It just took out my daughters TV and we had a lot of smoke but i have to keep checking the attic every few hours.
i hope all of you are having the best day/evening/morning possible. peace all

Dahila

08-17-2015, 06:32 PM

oH Cully is so good to see you, Finally!!!
Good news about you being self employed, and being off the meds. You guys are awesome to be off meds. I am still on the neurotic and clonazepam, No energy to quit on it. Pam is very brave and doing her best and I do admire her for that. Mr Ponder ;)) is dealing with a lot of things at the moment, but it will eventually be solved, I am optimistic here.
I am following Cully and Dave on flicr, so I have the oppotunity to steal some works and put on my desktop. John had not add anything for a year, no new pics. I am happy John you and your family is ok..:))
It seems like we are all getting older , and Anxiety Forums is getting younger. It is epidemic, like D. said. eh

Ponder

08-17-2015, 07:34 PM

Hey Dahila -- just found an old pic inside that electronics business I was running. It just of an Item I built and later sold. I will see if I can find a better pic of the front counter. I built my own walls, counter and other things inside the shop. It was really a fun time that I enjoyed very much. One of a few self employed Jobs I had. I did the markets on sundays and then gave out a card for my shop.

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/IMG_0523.jpg

Dahila

08-17-2015, 08:46 PM

oh it looks so cool:))
I think for people like us, self employment is the best option:)))

Ponder

08-17-2015, 10:46 PM

I hope things are still OK John? No TV for your kid ... LOL ... That's like no internet hey? Time to break our the crayons. I hope something good comes from that. :)

Dahila ... I just noticed the reflection on my little DIY arcade game there shows up some of the stock on the wall.

All I was doing - was buying my stuff from China - eBay mostly. Most of the work was making my own packaging. Zip lock sealed bags, bit of photoshoping and design work ... A4 paper, printing and laminating. Just used cheap tool board and product hangers to do the rest. In fact ... some of that product board there is part of the recent mini easel I made.

Of course I over did it when setting up at the markets. Most people just throw there stuff out the front to be stolen and count their losses at the end of the day. I instead packed my trailer to the top. I would set up with the tool board on all sides of my tent, huge flags 5 meters high on fiberglass telescopic rods. Took me like 3 - 4 hours to finish setting up. It was a good venture for the most part ... but the novelty soon died off. Both the items and myself.

Most of my income was from computer repairs - but I got too sick and could no longer deal with people. I was taken advantage off most of the time and too honest for my own good. I'm assuming some of you know how that can go. Had a few larger shops come in with some treating me like a joke but there was one guy who was encouraging and or impressed. I think it was obvious that I was not the full quid.

My Cambodian friend here - here wanted to take over the lease. His English was not so good, so I helped him with the details in taking on the lease and stayed friends with him and his family for some time after that. Here I am at his place doing the selfie thing:

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8510/8424374763_32fb6dcc8f_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/dQr87K)

That's were I got my Flikr avatar from.

I packed up shop and went back to growing vegetables. When Lim spotted the Avocado tree in my yard, I was then helping him by holding onto a ladder while he was climbing my tree. We sold many Avocados through his Asian Grocery Store. He also took on some of my veggies. We talked much about many things. I went on to happily do repairs for both him and his family. Eventually we parted ways when my wife and I decided to move up here. Be closer to our eldest daughter and bring the others with.

So that's the scoop on the venture. I regret having to sell all my astronomy equipment ... but meeting Lim was more than worth it. He was the real deal - He had to hide underground and all to escape the warring factions in Cambodia. It was a luck prize draw or like winning lottos when his name was picked to come to Australia. I love to hear him talk about his stories and he loved to hear mine. I miss this guy heaps ... but like everything, and everyone we all move on. It's not about the $$$ - don't let anyone tell you that.

Your never too old as well. Just ignore people who say that. Lim is like 90 and both him and his wife can still be found shuffling the plants in and out of their store. Hell, they even still use a bath tub to wash their clothes in.

I go now and finish my other story.

Peace out guys. ;)

jessed03

08-18-2015, 02:04 AM

No worries, P. We'll continue putting the world to rights another time. I do kind of get what you're going through. My heart goes out to you. Last year my sister was in a similar relationship. She was somehow brain washed into crime, carrying drugs, letting a violent man come between her and her family, putting her son in the middle of a violent relationship. Me and the rest of my family were absolutely exhausted by it all. The police were turning up every other day, the worry at what was happening to the little one was just unbelievable. We even had to leave home for a bit on police advice as our lives were threatened. Horrible stuff. Some men can be mightily manipulative.

Don't really have any words to say as I know they're pretty worthless, but I do hope you get the situation under control as soon as you can. It's just awful for all involved.

On a more positive note, the art work is looking awesome. The pic in your avi, the one with the sun, looks amazing!

Ponder

08-18-2015, 04:04 AM

Thanks Jesse,

I reassured our daughter how much she is loved, explained the signs to look for (developmental regression - speech, body language - and subtle sings to stress) re her son being hit in secret. Due to the continue pressure we are keeping on her partner, Our daughter does not trust this man alone with her "baby". This is a good thing!

This man knows one of the other mothers is in contact with us. I have told him I have reported him. He knows other reports have been made.

He may have stop one proceedings, but now he has another initiated by another mother. We are fully supporting her. The previous court orders and findings will again be raised against him. We did an awesome job on having him found guilty of domestic violence. Using our daughter to overturn the orders will be shown as nothing more than a cycle. It's almost poetic justice in some way that the other mother feel empowered to now take a stand just as he plucked back in one of the hens.

Yea - there is a lot of drama ... but the history looks dire for him ... we intend to keep on his back all the way. Unfortunately the system still victimizes the victims and lets the abuses get away with blue murder.

Time will be the deciding factor. Last time I texted him with "It's not when, its just a matter of time" - My daughter was gone not long after that.
I've recently sent that same message - it may not be as quick as last time ... but I do know ... regardless of his crying, his antic and guilt off loading - he is going to do it again and my grandson will show signs.

I will teach my daughter to distrust this man so much that its going to hurt - he will never be accepted and we will always be on our guard to report the moment we here from any of these other mums. we will continue like this either until our daughter leaves, or our grandson and any other resulting kids are all grown up and gone. Stiff bickies we are not getting any younger. That means squat. I'll dog this guy until either of is us dead or again, the grand kiddies are all grown and gone.

I'm betting if he does not change his ways - our daughter will eventually protect the kids with having to leave.

It's the initial reports that are hard to cop - brings out the beast in me and makes assessing the best course of action very hard.

__________________________________________________ ____

Back on speaking terms with my daughter and my grandson is smiling. (is the priority) I think my daughter is going to do the right thing by herself and her son. She is not as easy pickings as he first thought, nor is she, just because she so far away. Our wing extend far and she knows it - Contact is only momentary lost because of that fact. It's a bane to this guy - but fucked if I will ever ease up the pressure on child and wife beaters. I love my daughter and will never ever give up - He picked the wrong girl to play with.

We know his type well. Religious Cult Control freaks! Abusers full stop.

He will learn his fucking place!!! (Kama) You don't belt kids or their mums - you don't belt anyone. You don't force people again their will. This bloke does it all. It's ingrained. You know the story. They teach it on Sundays and they make the worst abusers.

Night night ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Thanks again Jess.

Ponder

08-18-2015, 04:25 AM

Just a night cap on the thinking to that:

One has to be careful not to create the roles that take place. That is to say by writing everything thing as fact before it has happened. This would be good about my daughter leaving, but can also play just as heaving into more beatings. This I am acutely aware off.

So it is that we must be careful when discussing things with our daughter and consider her position in all this ... not just our fears.

Is hard to explain - do any of you understand what I mean?

I am very careful when I contact this guy as well.

It's one thing to have clarity - yet another when dealing the cards.

I have to make it so that no matter what way things slide - that our daughter knows we are there for her no matter what. It's not just about our pride. I don't want to force her hand, but I do want to guide.

Righto ... enough.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Dahila

08-18-2015, 07:15 AM

the only way to help her is what you do, you tell her how much you love her, and she knows that she has a place to go if anything happen. She loves the little one and she will do what is best for him. It is just time, it will come and hopefully before the asshole does anything to her. She must come to the decision by herself. Oh that's difficult for parents to just be there without doing anything. It hurts like hell. I think parents feel not loved anymore if they have no saying in this situation, but it is not true. Very emotional post for me, very.............I leave it at that......No corrections.
Good, you are careful D. it is easy to for them to turn the girls against family , easier than we think. Victims of abuse, do not want to be abused and at the same time, they lost self confidence completely........eh

Cullingford

08-18-2015, 02:49 PM

Oh Pam I am so sorry hear about Scott you must be at your wits end that is a truly awful thing to deal with, I don't have a clue how I could deal with all that in your situation. I am so pleased to hear these guys have been such a massive support to you they are a good bunch really.

Good to see you too Dahlia! I have too admit I have made as much of any spare time that I have had this summer and it has done me the world of good. All that fresh air scenery does wonders for your state of mind, I understand if your need medication! I took it for long enough but it is a liberating feeling to know you can function without it. I have not seen any shots of your garden for a while although I can imagine it still looks as wonderful as ever.

Hi ya John a lighting strike heh you don't think that poor old Ground hog was trying to get his own back do you? :) I wish we could get a few of the screens here knocked out for a while get a bit of bloody peace. I hope you're new job is working out for you

Dave what can I say about those paintings brilliant!! I am so jealous I would love to have an outlet like that, it's must be like a therapy in itself being able to lose yourself in a picture. Funny you say about getting a roll of film I got one just the other day on a whim, but not loaded it in anything yet I still have quite a lot of film cameras kicking around I would really like to try a film through a box brownie sometime. Sorry to hear things are not so good with Lisa she has is tough :(

Well It's great to catch up with you all and best wishes to all of you and your families . Cully

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/373/19027670300_b312e20140_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/uZpMt3)

Ponder

08-18-2015, 03:14 PM

DUDE!!!!!! I kind of needed a subject to Pastel today. You have just given me one. I once asked before if it was OK and you said No Worries or something to that effect. By my days end I will have a rendition of your magnificently captured Owl there.

Ponder

08-18-2015, 03:16 PM

Thanks Dahila - :) ... Today I take things very slow in the Art room with Cully's well caught subject above.
I hope your plans are going well. :)

Hope everyone else as as good as can be.

Over to you guys.

Whats happening everyone?

mrslizzyg

08-18-2015, 03:47 PM

Hey guys..

I hope it's ok if I butt my head in? I have been coming in and scamming over this post every so often but I didn't want to intrude..
I'm in a place where I feel like maybe having this group of you guys could be beneficial.. I hope none of you mind.

Ponder- I have seen a lot of the pictures you post. Absolutely beautiful artwork, and also scenery where you live.

Pam- I wanted to tell you that I have been keeping you & Scott in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for what you are going through.. but you are amazing and a very strong woman. I admire your attitude and outlook on life.

needtogetwell

08-18-2015, 04:01 PM

And the shit pile keeps growing.......

Not that I don't have enough to handle already with Scott and the crap with his mothers nursing home, my ex is having trouble with our son.

My ex lives with his 83yr old mother in a 3 bedroom apartment. Justin is there every other day, it has been like that for the last 7 years. Justin is all about routine and so once he has one that works you just don't mess with it.

Well it seems that justin is about fed up with his grandmother (ex's mom). She is one of those mothers and grandmothers who refuse to let her children or grandchildren grow up and do anything for themselves. This was fine when justin was 6 but at 16 he can't take it any more.

Problem with justin is that when he is anxious and frustrated, he can become physical. Either throwing things or landing a punch or so. In this state he has no control and it is a very delicate balancing act to get the anxiety and frustration levels down. I can do it, as can his father...most days. Today wasn't one of those days. So, as justin got anxious with the return of his grandmother who had been out most of the afternoon, he threw his dad's cell phone, shattering it, then punched his dad and continued to toss a glass of water at grandma. Needless to say I got the call saying I had to take him tonight. Well, ok, what choice did I have.

Justin has been home for 2 hours and in that time I have had no trouble what so ever with him. We even talked for a few minutes to try and figure out what triggered him. He couldn't tell me but that's ok, I know it was grandma. Hell, 9 years ago when we drove to Florida to take justin to Dismey world, after 3 days in the car with the two of them, I flipped out at her too.

My dear Justin, I so understand why you are at your wits end with your dad and grandma, I just had the luxury of divorcing his dad.

That how my day is. Scott had a really bad night last night. So he is pretty much dopes up on the sofa sleeping.

needtogetwell

08-18-2015, 05:04 PM

Hi Linz,

Welcome, nice to see you pop over to the bright side! Lol

I too have to apologize to you, I haven't been to the rest of the forum for a while and haven't a clue what's happening over there. I think you can understand that my head is pretty full of stuff right now.

I have been following what you post on FB, hope you had a great birthday. It seems to me that things have settled somewhat in your world. If that's the case I am really happy about that.

I have space in my brain for those whom I call friends, I like to include you in that. Should you ever want or need to get in touch with me, then either pm me here or if you use messenger them you can send me messages there.

Thank you for your kind words, this really sucks more than I can tell you but like playing poker, you play the cards you are dealt. Folding is not an option.

Cheers!

JohnC

08-18-2015, 06:16 PM

Hi all............ I am in and out . Seems the lightning hit took out my cisco wifi and my modem is off and on. ( any ideas on this Ponder? The linsksys wifi is smoked and that had the strongest signal. The modem gateway is intermittent and you have to keep putting the key/pass phrase in to reconnect.
Pam i don't know how you keep it together, really. Peace to you
Hi lizzy love having ya even though it is p's thread :)
Cully, i have got to get back on flkr i cant remember even part of password. I gave my camera to my daughter because i was getting frustrated with point and shoot. I would rather have control over the focusing of the shot. WHAT AN AWESOME SHOT OF BARN OWL. can't wait to see p's pastel of it.
Dahlia, how is that garden coming?

Dahila

08-18-2015, 06:44 PM

Oh guys I had such a stressful day, you all are what I need now. I am trying to push a project of mine, and even it goes great, so far, I am exhausted. I am not sure I can be in group of people anymore, my social phobia is kicking up royally today............
I am sorry to hear about the situation with Justin, Pam, only mothers and loving fathers know how to deal with it, maybe not know but to have the patience...... You really do not need this right now. I have the feeling that Justin is going to be a huge support for you, you will see..........
Cullly I am not posting pictures of garden not too often , it is almost the same, a lot of flower, veggies and weeds:)

JohnC

08-18-2015, 06:53 PM

Hi Dahlia, the weeds in my asparagus patch are taller than the asparagus. LOL just too much rain to keep up, well that's my excuse and i am sticking to it.

needtogetwell

08-18-2015, 07:17 PM

Ok, if we're going to compare weeds, I got you all beat. Lol

I have done absolutely nothing in the back yard raised flower beds. My weeds are easily 6 feet tall. I have one really bothersome thistle about 7 feet tall and 4 feet wide.

I have left it be as I call it the national flower of Scotland. A testament to Scotts heritage. :D

This bad boy is so wrapped around my snowball hydrangea I may have to take the shrub out in order to get the weeds.

All I can say is the birds seem to like all the crap growing out there. Oh well, we have next year to look forward to.

needtogetwell

08-18-2015, 07:21 PM

Dahl, sorry about the tough day. I can truly relate.

I think you are right about Justin. He seems to be trying to support me in his own way. Since Scott became so sick I have had very few issues with him.

As long as I don't invade his space without asking to come in we are all good. If he just grunts at me, as many 16 yr olds do, I just give it a bit of time and try again.

JohnC

08-18-2015, 07:22 PM

LOL, i here ya Pam. I got some 6 or 7 footers myself :) the rabbits love it and the dogs cant get at the rabbits. I am gonna tackle it after they die in winter.

Dahila

08-18-2015, 07:42 PM

Pam I am suppose to be normal but i would kill if anyone who invades my space, only my grandchild is allowed, not even my children. You are a mom and you do understand him. Well it will get easier , you know hormones.........weeds are awful but , some are beneficial:)

Ponder

08-18-2015, 08:35 PM

WOW - Too much for me to take in right now.

I just say lizzy whilst I don't own this space, thanks for considering me like that. Do please join on in with whatever. Your welcome to share any or your concerns like in your other posts or simply feed back with the others as they post away.

Guys - PAM too ... I will have to read and catch up later.

Going out for some badly needed fresh air and sun.

Again - Lizzy ... just join on in. I could learn from your well thought our posts. ;)

Ponder

08-19-2015, 01:20 AM

Best I can say John, If I had your issue with a lightening strike and from what you have mentioned ... I would re-flash the modem firmware ... & or simply buy a new modem. I have lost motheraboard, power supply and much more to less power spikes than a lightening strike.

Ponder

08-19-2015, 01:29 AM

Hope you more rested Dahila ... and that things are panning out ok with the project.

Srry to hear about the outbursts Pam ... sounds like you got an handle on it in the end. I hope I hope Justin is feeling OK?
How is Scott Now ... Sounds like the garden is the last thing you need to worry about Pam ...

I'm still recovering like you said Dahila ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I tried to do start the pastel of Cully's Owl but then the phone rang every time I was making a start. Phone was ringing all day today. Very Draining on a day when all I really wanted was to be left alone. No worries .....

Art class tomorrow ... I'm kind of just feeling like nothing at the moment ...

Maybe I will feel better in the morning. Just need the rest you mentioned before Dahila.

I managed a little walk today. Was good for me.

Sorry I have been unable to respond adequately Pam ...

Just keep posting away ... I'll catch up soon enough.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

mrslizzyg

08-19-2015, 02:57 AM

MiST

08-19-2015, 03:08 AM

I might need some well thoughts from you guys. The emotional mind fuck I am feeling right now is making everything from my heart to my body hurt..

My husband came home today... Normal day. We decided to "spend time together" (have sex for those i need to be frank with) and after? He tells me he wants a divorce.

I feel sick. I truly just want to die right now.

On my way round to kick his bitch ass around the block..

My friend, take heart in the knowledge that we are all here for you day and night when you need to talk. Now pack your shit and get far away from that loser..

JohnC

08-19-2015, 04:21 AM

MiST

08-19-2015, 04:29 AM

Wht did you do to piss of Thor?

http://media.giphy.com/media/fzZaLJjnNscKs/giphy.gif

Ponder

08-19-2015, 05:27 AM

Just Logging in my practice runs before Art Class tomorrow:
Nailed the Head and eye - messed with the rest ... still using just my stubby fingers. I can't wait till I have some detailing tools.

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/739/20677087506_4842a7c303.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/xvatJJ)

__________________________________________________ ___________________

LIZZY - I'm very sorry to hear about this rut you have been in. Especially with the sudden news about the divorce. My memory is not the best, but from what I can gather ... I know you said you wanted him to make a choice. Perhaps this is now it? It's easy to say what we intend, but another once it lands in our laps. If he is full on into his church, and your not on board with submitting ... then it's a sure bet he is getting guidance from the "others" as to what decisions he makes.

I also note the you were hoping that he would work it out. I'm betting he was not alone in the workings. How long have you guys been together? Co-dependency is a very scary thing, but it can be overcome with support and time.

I wont be on for another 8 hours ... bed time for me. But I am sure the others will be along soon enough. Have you family that you can contact?

Please do take care.

ZZzzz

superchick22684

08-19-2015, 12:08 PM

Ponder-Absolutely beautiful drawings, the owl is my favorite of the two.

Lizzy-If hugs could be sent through a computer screen I would be sending them to you right now. Sorry to hear what's been going on with you and hope things get better for you soon.

JohnC

08-19-2015, 03:07 PM

P you picked that talent up and ran with it. Before long you will be in the bush with your easel and creating master pieces. Nice work.
I wish i could find my acrylics. My parents still have some of my clay stuff and i will try and snap a pic next time i am down there,

Im-Suffering

08-19-2015, 03:19 PM

*hugs* Lindsey

Cullingford

08-19-2015, 03:29 PM

Evening Guy's wow Dave you have got a wiggle on with that Owl picture! Awesome I love it. Sorry to hear you are feeling low you never know what will pop up around the corner that may just help to to get you out of there fingers crossed. I had to go and get some Diesel for my van this evening, so I thought I would grab my camera and see if I could find something that is really typical of around here. Sometimes I think you can overlook stuff just because you see it every day and miss the interesting in the ordinary.

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5661/20714857465_c70af9a475_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/xyv4qV)

Good to meet you Lizzy, sorry it's in such sad circumstances what a awful thing to happen and obviously a terrible shock for you, hopefully you can manage to get this sorted out before it all goes to far.

How's it going Pam? sorry to hear about Justin it must be a really hard time for him with all you guys have going on. Sometimes I feel with Joe that his emotions become so strong to the point where the only way to express them is to lash out and any change is always challenging. My thoughts are with you and your family.

I have never seen a weed in your lovely Garden Dahila it always looks perfect too me.

Take care Guys thinking of you all.

needtogetwell

08-20-2015, 01:40 AM

Absolutely stunning Cully, you are such an artist.

I think I need to give my head a shake. 3am getting up to get ready for work. By noon I will be the walking dead!

Have a good day/evening

jessed03

08-20-2015, 07:11 AM

Darn Cully. Spectacular!

You always were a master at producing stunning shots. The colours. Wow.

Ponder

08-20-2015, 07:36 AM

Thanks again for you kinds words there John. Would be a good share if your able to. Thanks man.
Hi Cully ... good point on the different perspective ... taking things for granted and all that. I'm kind of feeling the same way as Pam of late ... bit exhausted this end. Been having some weird dreams on top of that.

Living atop of rubble on a cliff edge. Every step could be your last type of thing. Very surreal. I think I was amazed at how stable it seemed one minute and then wired out at the prospect at dying the next. All in all ... I don't seem to mind the lucidity without the fear. Seems to be the only time I realize I am dreaming, but still entertain the thoughts. I seem to still have vivid recollection - in parts. Someone else present, but can't quite make out who. More friend than foe.

Interesting ... hmmmmmmmmmm
__________________________________________________ ______

I care less for trying to read anything into it like the earth quake dreams ............ any trip our of this reality no matter how freakish is often a relief. Curious stuff though. Curious.

Again ........srry I have been unable to catch up with you all. Pam I hope the pain relief is continuing to give Scott some for a relief. I also hope your able to find something that helps. How on earth you can juggle between something to help you sleep and then something to help you stand ... SIGH ........

I have no idea. Wish I could throw you something that works.
____________________

This game ... I thought was going to be awesome ... I've run into a downer in that ... but it might just be how tired and unable to get back up that's twisting my perceptions. I have a feeling I will be writing more about my disappointments in that soon enough. Will save it for my Gaming thread.

I can't find words of encouragement tonight. I all good with that though. I hope you are Pam.

You know ... I am so done with all the highlighting of people success ... tonight it came in the form of the baby boomers "we are so pleased your doing something with your life, we are proud of you" was my wife's parents giving their approval of my son getting a job. You remember the rant. My response "No expectations this end, we will always be proud of you" Pffft ... LOL

Fucking idiots ... normally I ignore the fuckers, but I got other kids to think about. We don't need those BS Boomer endorsements to make kids feel like shit when their considered not doing anything with their lives. I wonder how my daughter (the one in the abusive relationship) would feel reading that shit or even my son later on in between J-O-Bs

To think the good ones are taken and we are left to put up with BS like that SIGH ............

My wife turned to me this morning and said "If it were not for the kids I would kill myself." Pfffft - I think of that, then I think of the FB endorsement with my wife's mother " ..... bla bla bla doing something with your life we are proud of you" I rest my case re the boomers. I know which one should be dead.

Always the fucking JOB and exterior with those fucks. She is getting worse that one. She must be practicing for this next inheritance they are going to burn through. I feel like good drink tonight. Man oh man.
_________________________________________________

No need for words ......... I'll say them instead. la la la fucking la. Comes and Goes in Waves my friend. Indeed it does.

Stay the course Pam ... Stay the course.
___________

I've decided to go OILS Dahila. Not right now ... I still got a lot of pastels to burn through. I'll go into detail more about that choice when I am feeling all bright and tickled. Woohoo. Almost feel those sunbeam pushing through now. Like clock with mental illness you know. hehe.

Bare with me now. It was hard to push through my Art class today. I ended up helping one of the ladies start their car ... I did a good job with the socializing despite feeling on par with my wife. My dear does have a good point though. I will give her that. I just wish I was enough for her to feel a little better ... but we are peas in a pod to some degree. I totally get where she is coming from. Best I could say after her comment was wished I counted like the kids ... but again ... she is just saying what I too also think.

We're just not feeling the endorsements you see - DOING SOMETHING WITH OUR LIVES!

Shadows kill - slowly but surely. Shadows kill. rar rar rar rar ..............................................

Like I said ... nothing too encouraging to report tonight.
______________

Picked our some BLACK sanded pastel paper ... the big doing something with your life; is to find something fitting to do with that.

NO big in depth lecture on attracting negativity please ... that is the last thing I need.

Just trying to get through one day to the next ... I am pleased my mentor friend is on holidays. I seriously don't won't to be any of these other influences in my life at the moment and I mean not to drag you guys down.

I'm not out to give you guys endorsements, judge you and tell you I'm off to end it all - granted I am having a cry ...

Yawnsssssssssssssss - I'll just wave some kind of disclaimer on that if you don't mind :)

All I have in the cupboard is ... Phenergan ... took 50mg the other night but felt like shit for days. will just have to wing it I think.

Having a few rage memories of messy police intervention gone wrong ... but I seem able to put that shit to bed pretty quick.

Must be that black hole you mentioned like a hundred posts back Pam ....... something in the water I guess.

...
I'm sorry Cully ... I know these feelings of me when I get like so is a drain man ... just bad timing is all. I had a few good months going there.

The post count has dropped off for me these last days. Perhaps not such a bad thing ... but i will write as I must.

Getting the itchy feet again. Was doing so well.

Righto .... Bed

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ponder

08-20-2015, 07:39 AM

Disregard previous Post:

Yes - do keep them coming Cully - we have missed you photos very much.

needtogetwell

08-20-2015, 09:53 AM

Oh Dave, we have good days, we have bad days and then there is that black hole of nothing in between. You kind of get numb to the monotony of the same blah blah blah every day.

I just keep going because I have to. Some days there is some measure of hope and I do try so hard to see something positive in my days, but lately it has been more difficult. It's all just a lot from more than one front. You get what I mean. Today is one of those days I would just like to tell the world to FUCK OFF! Child is in a mood, probably because of the rainy yucky day, he ses to be affected by the weather. Scott is ok, no worse at least so I guess that is a positive. I just want him back the way he was, alas that is not to be. Time to get used to a new normal, at least until it changes again.

Would like to curl up and nap for the afternoon but I have errands to run and can't do them until child goes with his father. I won't leave Scott to deal with him when he is like this. At this point I would like to pack him up and send him to boot camp! Yes, I can hear you now Dave, not the right thing to do. So I will bide my time with him. Tomorrow is another day, hopefully it will be better. At least for the next 8 days I have some leverage with him. His birthday is the 28th and he is counting on getting the box sets of the Jetsons. So he knows if he can not behave like a civilized human being he can forget about what he wants for his birthday. I hate to do it, but I should have some peace from him for about a week.

Anyway, it's just blah blah blah. Aren't I just a lovely ray of sunshine? ROFLMAO!!!!

Later.......

Dahila

08-20-2015, 12:53 PM

I think oils is good idea, everytime I was desperate or depressed I could put it into work. Do it. who knows maybe it is going to brings some relieve. massive strokes.
We are the masters of masking our feelings (otherwise I could not function in society, I pretend ) pushing all barriers away, going trough shit every day, I am so frustrated now I could damage something, but I need to go to work and pretend I am fine. Then I will be stacked with a dog sitting for 4 days. Driving back there and back at least 3 times a day........................but that's the smallest problems, even if it pisses me off

Ponder

08-20-2015, 02:25 PM

No more roll playing for me. The world is pretentious enough without me having to play a part.

Thanks Pam and Dahila. You both make excellent points.

mariner

08-20-2015, 02:50 PM

I love your paintings Ponder, the barn owl especially. :) And the vivid colors in your photo are interesting Cullingford, gives it a surreal sort of feeling.

1608

I love photography, I do a lot of instant film photography. Unfortunately...its been difficult for me to motivate myself to take photos lately.

Cullingford

08-20-2015, 03:01 PM

Evening guys Sorry Dave for being unable to chat this morning I would have loved to have had time to stop for a yarn. Sorry to hear your'e not feeling so good and sleeping well it's so hard to battle anything without a good nights kip.

Thank's guys for your kind words on the picture, the bloody nights are really drawing in here now I struggled last night the sudden loss of light caught me out. I think I am going to have to find something else to do in the evenings over the winter, the thought of spending every evening looking at the telly fills me with dread. I may have to bite the bullet and socialize :eek:.

Christ Pam you can't be dragging yourself out of bed at that ungodly hour to go to work with all that you have going on. Is there anything at work that could be sorted out so you could at least get a half decent nights sleep.

Take care all! time for bed for me after another busy day but nothing to moan about my old head is as clear as a bell.

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/504/19819218729_555f0f25a2_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/wcmFeK)

Ponder

08-20-2015, 03:15 PM

Understood Cully.

That's an even better subject to tackle! Head shot is amazing, the wings more doable, the talons much easier - the background complementary and much much more.
Another excellent template for me to try. Thanks Mate.

I'll refrain from playing with bullets, I might do more than bite them ;)

Cullingford

08-20-2015, 03:19 PM

Sorry Mariner I missed your post good to meet you, don't stop taking the pictures the fresh air is great for Anxiety. :)

Cullingford

08-20-2015, 03:22 PM

Just do what you can Dave slow and steady goes along way! hope to chat soon. :)

Ponder

08-20-2015, 03:25 PM

True Cully - Very True ... will start out much slower this time ... show you in a couple of days.

Mariner ... Srry I missed you post as well. I know exactly what you mean about motivation. Here's to finding some.

I'm keen to get started in this next Owl.

____________________

Nice frame on that tree. :)

JohnC

08-20-2015, 04:51 PM

I started with oils but switched to acrylics mostly because it was cheaper and a easier clean up. I ran across a jug of gesso the other day and a few brushes but no paintings yet. They will show up in a hundred years and be worth a cool million, i'll cut my ear or nose off to give them something to talk about :)
Pam it's a shame that you cant take time off of work during this most difficult time, you must be exhausted, Peace to ya
Hi Dahlia... you dog sitting :) you sweet peach
Mariner that pic looks like my house taken from my properties far corner, interesting
CULLY Just a fantastic shot of that owl. You and Ponder are so talented.
PEACE ALL, my kid need my lap top for school so i am sure a virus will soon fallow, lol.

mariner

08-20-2015, 05:18 PM

Yes, fresh air would do me some good...I'll try to get myself out to make more photos, and I'll post them here when I do.

JohnC : It was taken at Longwood Gardens, in Pennsylvania. I need to get out there again soon...I think maybe the gardens would get my mind off things. I find fewer and fewer things are able to do that now. At the moment all that seems to work are video games....

1610

Another Longwood photo.

needtogetwell

08-20-2015, 05:50 PM

Hey guys....got sucked into that damn black hole today. Not much of anything went right.

Had to take Scotts pension disability forms in to the government office, faster to do that than rely on Canada Post. Yup that's one burocratic pile of red tape so bloated on the backs of Canadians it makes me sick.... Better not get started on that thought, might just take up a pace and s half. Anyway, I couldn't steal Ponders thunder , he's the best at blowing off steam regarding a government institution.

Anyway, I get to leave once child left. Boy he was in fine form, not often I want to disown him but he was really close today! I think his bad behaviour and me being tired was just a bad mix. So, I get to said office and reach into my purse to get money out for the parking meter....SHIT! left my wallet on the counter in the kitchen. Ok, I can deal with this, got a few coins so I'm ok for parking. Get inside and fortunately I didn't have more than 5 minutes to wait to see an agent to review all of the paperwork. Do I have any ID they ask, well of course not, it is in the counter at home, agent is nice, and reviews the papers as I follow along on my copies that I made at home. She gets to her last page and says ok, where's the doctors statement? What????? I have a copy right here.....DUMB ASS ME!! I left the friggin original in the printer/copier at home. Yup it was still face down on the glass when I got home. So now I have to go back tomorrow to drop off the forms.

You guys have asked about my employer lettinge have a leave. Well yes I can do that but I am saving that if Scotts condition seriously turns bad. My employer is amazing beyond amazing. I come and go as I wish, if I'm too tired or Scott has a bad night I don't go to work. I only work 4 hours at any given time.

Anyway at this time of writing, I have been up for 17 hours. U am way past tired, not sure if work at 5am tomorrow may not happen. The good news is I start another week of vacation on Saturday. I can sleep then.

Cheers guys!

JohnC

08-20-2015, 06:50 PM

Good to here Pam, get all the rest you can.
Can't tell you how many times i left stuff on copier and or scanner

Ponder

08-20-2015, 08:40 PM

LOL PAM - ... and I love your running commentaries! Thanks for the spur ... somehow I got some good energy from your revelations there.

Thanks for the breakdown there on your oil experience John. Would Love it if you could throw together a sketch, drawing or painting. That would be Awesome man!

So far I have got my Rough sketch together. I am so glad you popped in Cully!!! I really love that latest owl one.

Format is at 22inches - 56cm across - Desktop Format. Using grid lines to assist with drawing in correct proportions and getting the angles right.
Very rough sketch ... basic shapes for now ... will sketch in the shaded areas ... and this time I will even do a rough sketch of the background Bokeh ... struggled with that on the last one.

Going to watch a movie for now ... this one is going to take some time. ;)

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/573/20748218145_67c146f78a_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/xBs3p4)

Ponder

08-20-2015, 09:02 PM

Hey Mariner ... Nice Photo! I love it when photos are shot from in close and under like that. I look forward to seeing more when your able. Thanks for sharing.

Ponder

08-21-2015, 04:12 AM

As you can see ... taking my time. Sketch still only half done. Getting all the distances of each line right and accounting for each area of color shift/Value and shading. I Will be using my paper blenders this time around. I have discovered using my knife sharpener is an easy way to remove the pastel from the paper when I need to use different colors when blending. Long way off that.

I am very slow and spent hours coming and going throughout the day to get this far. Feels good to have a decent lines all around.

I am happy with the head lower body and talons. Those areas although don't look crash hot are well mapped out for my liking. Only half way through the left wing. The right wing has not been touched yet.

I don't think the other guys draw like this ... they just do the outline and go for it. I prefer this way for now. This will be good blending practice ... even if I am only using paper blenders.
_______________________________

That's my log in for the night ... Is good to have this kind of thing. It has lifted my spirits very much. I also played some mellow music from radio tunes today while working.

Just want to say again ... nice to meet you Marina. Is good to have new people joining in. :)

Hope your feeling better Lizzy?

Later superchick.

edit ... forgot the damn pick :)

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/745/20756198935_163e7e580f_c.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/xC9WNT)

mariner

08-21-2015, 06:51 AM

:) Thank you Ponder. That sketch is coming along very nicely! Can't wait to see it finished.

1611

My Grand Canyon visit.

Ponder

08-21-2015, 03:57 PM

What kind of instant camera are you using Mariner?

May I also ask what you find appealing about using such a medium?

Forgive all the questions. Once I get an idea in my head, it's hard for me to shake it off. My wife is not so keen on the idea and has come up with a million as to why she would not get one. (Usually means we do not get one.)

Whilst my wife is into scrap-booking the billion photos we took when the kids were growing up, I have no real desire looking back into the past with regard to people like so. I don't mind looking at the odd one, and do find an appreciation from viewing the odd ones. Such is a rare occasion and I find the meaning is more valid when I just happen across photos like that as opposed to the act of continually viewing them.

As well as finding it hard to shake a thought, I also get lost in them. (I'm a bit short circuited like that.)

Um - Yea, I'm more into looking at Nature and even then, my preferences are limited to certain themes, certain animals in certain situations. Going back to the idea of people ... my inclusion of those would be more of a silhouette or a composition that detracts from our Atypical behaviors/existence.

Yea - talking to myself again. That happens too. My wife has been asking me of late who I have been talking too. I just told her, I talk to myself a lot. It's normal.
__________________________________________________ ______________________________________

I LIKE THIS IDEA OF AN INSTANT CAMERA. I won't be getting one. But the concept has made me think about doing some very fast and rough sketching in order to collect and or capture a moment.

The capturing of a moment and why I would seek to store it ... that's the bigger question on my mind. I'm just asking myself a lot on that, because it helps me when going to find something worth putting my efforts into. In photography, it is often suggested to simply go out and take a billion shots. Whilst this is not the case for those few who are passionate about making their hobby an art form, most people do misunderstand such an approach and end up haphazardly going from one day to the next.

INSTAGRAM - is a term that seems to of just manifested of late and it's one that I am not so familiar with; yet I am hearing it more and more in some form. (Mostly Digital) BTW - over exposure to information kind of messes me up. That topic played a huge part into being medicated some time back.

But ... I am beginning to see this Instagram thing when compared with Instant Photos - Well ... I guess when you consider how I am only just scratching the surface of why for me I would even want to capture a moment, surmising reason with effort and quality of connection - VS - a world full of instant gratification which seems to be more the meaning of this whole INSTAGRAM thing. Now - this book on Digital Vertigo I have been skimming seems to imo make a great case against Instagraming. In fact - the book predicts just where we are at with respect to that.
__________________________________________

These are my Typical morning posts Mariner when feeling pretty good.

If anything - I'm keen to do some quick sketching outside. I really like that photo of the grand cannon. It and the capture or you having taken it, have made an impression on this end. All be it somewhat scattered as I am read. For me it has been a rewarding thought.

Less digitizing experiences and more tactile ones.
_________

I often try to make my thoughts more tangible through this kind of digital media by making more of an effort to use more words than others can typically handle. I enjoy expressing myself like so. I am often ridiculed for long posts. More and more people are ridiculing each other for longs posts.

"Wooooo Long post dude - Thanks for sharing." You will get that with just 4 paragraphs in places like these.

I think I will put my sunnys on, hide under my hat and put my ear phones in ... then go for a quite and slow walk.

I am not srry for long post. This is nothing.

Next thoughts ?????????????????????????? -------damn it ... had something there ....
________________________

Think more on connecting with subject material. That's it ... finding a view with mean ... How to connect ... Next time I speak more freely. I'm less afraid when speaking to myself simply because it's only in my solitude state that I really see things that mean anything.

This thread has a tenancy to get boring like that ... but I like it. It's why I made it.

Have a good day all.

Now Go for that walk Davy Boy!

needtogetwell

08-21-2015, 04:26 PM

You sound pretty up beat today Ponder! Glad to see it.

I don't know much about Instagram, but I'm not sure it is for me. Chronicaling ones life through photos sent to the web is just a bit too intrusive for my liking. Intrusive may not be the right word, maybe exposing might be better.

How was Pams day???? Well not too bad at all. Got those papers sent in today, even remembered the doctors statement and my wallet today!!! Good one!

But for everything I do remember , I seem to forget something else, today it was my phone. Left it charging when I took Scott up to the hospital to see his oncologist. DUMB ASS!!! I'm more lost without my phone than I am without my wallet. Go figure!!!

I am truly convinced that the female human brain at 50yrs is only able to hold so much information , kind of like those old computers, when you ran out of memory it said "sorry, you need to delete something before you can save". I know for sure there is lots of mundane crap in my brain that I would like to delete!!!!

Anyway, doctor appointment was not a bust today. I always dread our visits on Fridays because something always goes sideways on us on a Friday. Either we are there for 9 hours or he gets admitted. Today was my positive. The doc is guardedly optimistic that this chemo is working and she has given the go ahead for next round on Tuesday, providing his blood work comes back ok, we will know that on Monday.

So kids, I'm now on vacation for the next 9 days, there was no way I could go to work today, alarm went off at 3;20am and I knew it just wasn't going to happen. Yay! I get to sleep!

On another note, child is under control today. Yippppeeeee! He even apologized for being so nasty yesterday. A very small thing but I will take it! 2 positives for the day!!! Let's see if I can get another day tomorrow this good.

So, as I sit here writing this I realize that one of the dogs has gas..... Better go let them out before the house needs to be fumigated!!!

Cheers all!

mariner

08-21-2015, 08:37 PM

:) Thanks for the interest Ponder, I use a Polaroid 230 Land Camera.
Here’s a photo of it I took with a different instant film camera.

1613
---
I’ve worked with 35mm film, and digital cameras. I prefer working in the darkroom over using my digital camera because of the very hands on experience. It makes me feel a bit more involved with my work, and I enjoy having the print to hold at the end. There’s something very dissatisfying to me about seeing all of my work sitting around on a computer screen. I don’t have access to a darkroom at the moment, so I resorted to instant film.
---
But besides that I also enjoy the imperfections of instant film. It’s very easy with digital photos to make them almost always technically perfect, but I feel that something is lost in that perfection. To me instant film has an almost organic, and more emotional element to it because it is imperfect. So I’ve chosen instant film for both a practical reason, and because I really do love the medium.
---
For me…photography isn’t really about capturing moments. I would say it’s more about creating a moment. When you create a photo what you capture is filtered through the camera’s limited abilities, and also through your own particular view of the subject. You aren’t really capturing reality so much as how you view it. The result is a creation that really reflects more about you than the actual subject.
---
As for Instagram, I only use it to share my photography, not my day to day life. So for me it’s a wonderful place to connect with other artists.

superchick22684

08-21-2015, 10:38 PM

Ponder

08-21-2015, 10:55 PM

I think that response must be for you Mariner. :)

Ponder

08-22-2015, 03:51 AM

Hi Pam - Yea - I can appreciate people who find uploading like so a little too much exposure. Consider me over exposed. lol. Just kidding. Most of them expose anything but themselves.

I think I am going to start leaving my phone behind at home - or at the very least put it in a mode that shuts of all notifications other then ring ring ... Yea yea ... that's probably just BS talking. I switch it off before going to sleep though ... that's a start. hehe.

Yea - more space and a few selective memory wipes would be a great idea.

All the best for the blood results Pam. Good to hear about Justin and hope the rest of your holiday yields more rest than they typically tax.

Ponder

08-22-2015, 04:18 AM

YW Mariner - Thank you for sharing like so. It really great to hear why other do the things they do. I like your breakdown with creating moments. All of what you have said chimes well with me. I am sure Cully will also find your response as presence as well received as I. Is always nice to cross paths with people who share similar passions.

I mostly use FB to keep in touch with family. I tried a few pages but gave up in the end. I do have this one still going though:

https://www.facebook.com/newlifecentreabuse

__________________________

I am guilty of using pictures to record my goings on. However in saying that, I don't feel much guilt at all. Perhaps I need to be careful about the exposure factor that Pam has done well to factor in, but I'm worn out or have reached my end in the world exposing itself as is my view of it. The warnings in that digital vertigo book more deal with the way people hold themselves more than the machine itself ... or how it is that ones view is cheapened, hollowed out, short sighted and so among all the positive aspects that may be reasoned with the bad.

auge for that. Not a doomsday context ... just a fact.

Speaking of which ------- one of the very few things on Netflix atm that was a good watch:

Spectacular Watch ... I understand this lady's heartache very well. An Amazing Lady that stands well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1wp2MQCsfQ

Ponder

08-22-2015, 05:14 AM

_______________________________
_

Getting there - Have mapped out the Owl ... just need to map out the background before breaking out the Pastels. Was a big job getting all the proportions right - making sure I got each feather and dimple in the right spot. I attempted to dot out areas where the intensity in color changes. Some spots I left out. The pasteling is gong to be slow going as I will have to rub out and re-sketch as I go along. I aim to soft pastel as much as I can and avoid the harder pastel pencils when I can. I dare say I will have to printout an image and take it with me to art class and continue there - (if not doing something else in class) Night Folks.

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/628/20782354455_f5ca80d8db_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/xEsZW8)

jessed03

08-22-2015, 06:09 AM

I'm definitely going to give that documentary a watch. I love everything to do with the ocean. It's so beautiful, and the ecosystem there just seems so perfect, yet we're messing it up no end. There was the whole thing with Fukoshima, there's the endless dolphin/whale hunting, there's the pollution, the dumping of waste, the oil spills... the list goes on. It's tragic.

Might try and give it a watch today and report back on it later.

MiST

08-22-2015, 06:52 AM

Ponder

08-22-2015, 06:56 AM

I was shocked at how much the coral sea is dead. Also to learn there is over 30 000 minning rigs operating arcross our oceans. The amount a nukes being tested and much more. Its was alarming seeing the Ice doco (videography records) recently, but this doco really shows just how much we dont know.

It's also not a fucking Joke!!!

MiST

08-22-2015, 07:13 AM

Time to find a new planet I guess..LOL

I hear Mars is lovely this time of year..:D

Ponder

08-22-2015, 07:32 AM

Put it this way, your disrespect won't go down well in here. Your presence is also holding others back. So yes please, give this thread a wide birth. This goes for anyone else that wants to troll this thread. Shut the door on your way out. TY

Cullingford

08-22-2015, 03:21 PM

Evening Guys it's great to see the Owl picture is coming on so well I just noticed the little man standing there :). I have been trying for the last couple of weeks to get a half decent shot of a Kingfisher but they are tricky little buggers and keep rumbling my hideout, I must have had one at least 6 times in the viewfinder only for it to bugger off a split second too quick. I went out this evening to have another crack this evening but there were so many people about and I am back home with an empty memory card.

I spotted this blackbird this morning it had a bath and was tidying itself up, I couldn't resist a couple of shots.

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/626/20795457035_0b753bfb19_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/xFC9SF)

I love the polaroid Camera Mariner and get a lot of what you are saying about film, I have quite a large collection of film cameras and if I ever see an old Zenit for sale I can't resist buying it!. sadly I don't use any of these any more it's just so easy to grab a digital and go and snap away like a mad man, I would hate to go back and be limited to how many shots are left on a film buts that's only me! the whole point for me is to get out get and lose myself for a couple of hours. It's nice to see your shots here so please keep sharing them.

Hey Pam, John and Dahila hoping you guys are as ok as can be expected .

Ponder

08-22-2015, 03:35 PM

I'm sorry. I don't like being an asshole man, but ya live and ya learn. Whilst a few jokes are made in here from time to time and I like a good meme as much as the next guy, it might pay to know that this thread and I am well known for being more somber about things. I don't own this space, but I do tend to make create my own when I can.

We all have our own copping strategies and I'm sure you were not trolling but simply just doing what you do. Getting by as bests suits you. Sorry for calling you a troll and implying it of others. However - I'm not the only serious one in here and now that the cat is out of the bag, I'd just take that bit and find a more receptive place more suited for your style of expression.

My recent clowning comment was more of an in-joke based on a trigger that I am well known for. My paranoia prods me to being more of an asshole than a clown. Too the casual observer, I am as much a hypocrite as I am righteous. Not my reality. I do however aim to be as fair as I can be in a sick fucked up world.

I hope that explains things a little better although still rough around the edges.

Now I try and get my head in a space for something else that needs to come out.
______________________

Ponder

08-22-2015, 03:36 PM

Hi Cully - You really have those settings dialed in for each shot. Beautifully caught - nice to know you can do it without without pulling a hook through its mouth. YEA - I'm assuming those little kingfishers are quick. Need a fast shutter speed and better lighting conditions? If I know you ... you'll end up getting a cracker shot. You really get more of a sense just how these subjects we photograph have a mind of their own when snapped in time like so. This one reminds me of the eagle I have cleaning itself. You always seem to bring out the action/movement/happenings.

Thanks again Cully - Looking forward to the kingfisher shots. Have a good evening man. ;)

Ponder

08-22-2015, 05:00 PM

Recently said I wanted to focus on connecting with subjects - whilst I meant more for my art work, I've also had things just pop up in my head as I go along. I'm just going to do a few text here and there, so by all means, please do just skip them if your just feeling to do that same as well or just aiming to skip rocks across the water.

Online Journaling/Diary:
If I had a dollar for every selfie my daughter uploaded to my Photobucket when she was just starting out with My space and Face Book, I could save the world! I've touched on an issue close to my heart in the last few posts regarding the downside of today's digitized medium. I understand well the apparent/growing need in us all wanting to be heard and accepted. The oceans, polar regions and trees are not the only sick living things on this planet.

Mind Block ... Withdrawn but still yearning for an inkling of inspiration to help it overcome the void of darkness, our inner being will always seek to find its way as surely as a branch reaches for light! It's ingrained in all of us. Self preservation. I'm not tending to this need - to all be in each others pockets. That is a different doctrine and one that's played to pull our strings. It's a very confusing world in which we live and no wonder we are all sick and the planet is reaching its end.

Spasmodic thoughts now:

So how does one find the light? Online Journaling? I think it's a better angle than Instagraming. FB and other social sites are pretty much Instagraming. This whole thing on Instagraming kind of reveals the shallow nature of what we have become. The news channels and all the drama on TV has pretty much just become one brainwashing event. Opinions - and Judgments made left and right. People think they are coming up with original and insightful comments, but really are being lead on strings. Witty comments that are thrown out in a moments thoughts to sum of how others should think. Yea - that's more like it ... fashionable, trend setting comments that have little time for those who can think for themselves. Is not enough that you have switched of the media devices, because whilst you sitting down with someone else, they open their mouth and the shits starts to come out.

I think many of us need a dumping ground - but more so be real about it and know that what we are doing is exactly that. That's what writing was at first to me and still very much is. It's not so much the medium we need to be frightened off ... but we should also be careful not to worship it as well. One of the dangers I am seeing with all the ECO movements that involve up Gen Xs ... is this strong theme on technology and science being the one to save us all. I think that is the other extreme of BSing ourselves within the digitized world. Many of these types are as much about deceit and control. I have not chipped that one out ... but its something that's been pissing me off recently. Intellectual snobs with their own selfish agendas. I hope the new silent generation can pick up on that.

Anyways - I'm not the full quid myself and I don't expect anyone new gens hitting this rock to come up with the answers - that's another cop out passing the buck. Head Space ... we all find it in our own way. I understand why people capture there waking moments and upload as they do. Just because I attempt not to be so shallow, make me no different. I'm more seen as a lost and srry fuck that's not worth the drain. How I see myself is more important though. Analyze this - analyze that ... So be it, don't be hard on oneself. Use whats available and if it feels right - then write - upload or do whatever it takes to be seen or be heard. What matters is that you see yourself and not layer up with BS that seeks to hide or run from what you know as truth. Perhaps in time that truth will not seem so bad. It becomes neither bad nor good. You can find passion without the need to drive at all. That there is the ticket.
_________________________________________________

Don't worry about the dynamics in here my friend. No one can tame what is within me. I will never change this aspect I know you appreciate so well. I also love seeing it in you ... as share pretty much the same way. No matter if we miss each other posts from time to time. Because those posts that we do pick up, have taken all the good from whats come before and fostered a genuine spirit that knows no guilt that could be swayed this way or that.

See you when I see you. If I am not in here - I'll just send a link to the middle of everywhere ... you'll find me there no doubt. :)

JohnC

08-22-2015, 05:33 PM

Howdy P, I think Mist meant no harm and that is his style , all good. Peace
Cully, When i was in wildlife school my ornithology professor told us that kingfishers always have a "favorite" perch in which they like to fish from. You may already knew this just thought i would pass

I don't have Netflix but now i want it because i so love that kind of stuff and i want to see that doc. If we all start now we can make a difference. Look at the Sioto river in Cleveland, at one time it was so polluted it literally caught fire!

Ponder

08-22-2015, 05:47 PM

I hear ya John - Thanks Bro.

Yea - I have been down on Netflix of late ... but there is some good on it that makes it worth keeping.

Sometimes I can find a full doco on youtube, but Mission Blue is not so easy. I did come across something that looks good but not yet watch it all. Having seen this lady in the Netflix mission blue, I will link it, because to me she just appears very genuine in her cause. I really am attracted to her tone and sincerity.

Here is that link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bINLU-wWQmE

I do however recommend watching the doco first for those who are able. (Mission Blue - Preview linked on previous page ... I think) Not all docos come across with such a heart felt impression. Many seem to be more like drama roles these days. Whilst there is a compilation of BIO records on this lady, she herself casts an impressive shadow on any type of vanity that would otherwise give way to glamour. Is hard to say. I am a cynic ... a skeptic and she got through to me. A sense of humility and sadness in her that I find very concerning with regards to the reality of whats really going on. Nothing to do with doom and gloom ... just a really really great presentation. Many of the docos have been waning for me ... this one was imo very impressive ... was a good meal I had not eaten in a long time. I don't know ... can't say enough nice things about her.

Peace Bro.

JohnC

08-22-2015, 06:02 PM

thanks P, i will watch that in the AM when i have some peace and quite ( Kids )

Ponder

08-23-2015, 04:58 PM

That was a big watch and I'm afraid those who did not see the doco yet, would find it not stimulating enough to care for it. None the less, it may of been of interested to some. Arrr what to do hey. lol. The problem is tooo big .... doom and gloom ... I want to watch lesbian sex on netxflix's latest TV series ... arrrr much better now. Getting through the days a bit easier now. Thanks Doc ;)

Yadda Yadda ...

That other post I did makes me think of the movie "Shutter Island" towards the end up in the light house. (also a third of the way in with the older shrink) Dense Mechanisms! Was an interesting context on how a persons thoughts and feelings can be used against them. Just as the cataloging/compartmentalizing is used in anyway. That's what you need to learn. Lean the language. Then you can watch the docs uploading their spotting programs as they try and work you out. Another level of playing the game.

What level of the game are you on. If your on the lower level ... looking for a job, taking pills in order to justify that medical certificate ... then your on level one. Welcome to 2015. That's pretty much part and parcel of everyday like rung one. Where to next?

NEXT PLEASE! ... STAMP!!! Next please! what kind of act do I need now to pull out of the hat? It's a bit like deciding how to dress in order to impress. Same shit, different channel. Which Job? Which Course? I agree with Jesse's point on Population playing a lot into the equation. Just as more people means more corn and more chemicals ... so too more people equals more tricks! You need to do more things in order to be seen and or to be heard.

Is hard though when indoctrinated with an attitude that teaches the easy way out ... you end up jumping in with too many fish and run the risk of having to just work harder in order to stand out. Why the need to stand out? Perhaps better said ... the need to get off the train when its already moving.

Eventually you get sick of the train, but can't get off till it stops. Once you work out you never wanted to be on the train and don't even want to go where it stops ... your sucked in so deep that you need to fit into this and that box in order to get the fuck off. More and more people just end up jumping off while its moving, but wind up dead. HELL - some people jump in front of them instead of get on. ...now that's saying a lot more about the real problems that face this world as opposed to much of the Need that is instead fed to us in order to keep one from taking note.
"oh you have such wonderful defensive mechanisms" comes the comment from the doc.

_______________________________________________

"None of this is real ... it's all in your head" was a comment which started off this thread.

Hmmmm - food for thought.

I will go back to my art ... play the part that I have come to know. Accept less - is really the key. tick tick tick - less fish ... less meat ... less me. Take the stories and laugh at the shit they serve up on our screens. Denounce and make it all CHEAP! My sister would often say ... "Yea that's right, go ahead and make it cheap!" Often is response to my reasoning of the vanity and greed associated with her religiously imprinted lifestyle based on being seen, and a lot of trinkets and THINGS.

It's not about yadda yadaa ... but its about whats in my head and its about whats in yours. Fuck what anyone else tells you ... tell your fucking self.

...and remember ... it's never absolute ... but you can control ... in fact that's the ticket ... to be in control of what little space is left. Make space - Create!

Creating the moment ... Yea ... nice one Mariner. I'll take that and work with what I see. Fuck catching trains to were you really don't want to be.

Adios ... of to make the most with what's only in my head ... you don't need all that shit that sucks the life our of the air we breath.

We don't NEED anything ... although we will keep telling ourselves ... just that.

Edit - to finish with the only thing I know as constructive ... just be yourself and see how much more you already are than the BS images they the system .... constantly projects! Make your own images and don't be afraid to be different.

I am my own audience. That is what counts ... but I edit with respect to others in saying there is always hope.

EDIT.
SIGH - lastly I tell myself ... Right now I am copying images in order to learn. Once imprinted, I will have to unlearn in order to make space for the real me that is after all the more meaningful purpose to experiencing anything at all ... lest I wind up as no more than a photo copying machine. This is process should be the same from going to A to B ... Right now I can feel the struggle as I learn this or that technique ... but know I will not truly be free until I have found my self. The same shit I dribble on life is the same way I am learning my art.

Just felt a conflict that needing writing with all that I had said.

Until next post. :)

Ponder

08-24-2015, 12:52 AM

Went for a pretty good walk today. Keep at it, Davy Boy.

I did however ... after knocking up a pretty decent background on my owl picutre ... I lost it when pasteling the fine details of the owl and tossed my creation in the BIN! Sigh ...

That's when I went for my AWESOME walk.

Like the saying goes ... back to the drawing board. ;)
__________________________________________________ ______

I think I will just sketch it in my pad. The ocean air and higher temps seems to be making the paper and chalk absorb the humidity - I can sense the difference as the day moves on - windows open and closed - fan on and off. I am looking forward to moving away from this medium. None the less I will continue to experiment ... more so now, than before. The more I play the more I can move on.

Looking forward to my next walk.

My wife likes to highlight my highs and turn them into something negative. I think she is quite depressed of late. Thus far I have handled the badgering not too badly. Now that's been exposed, I feel great!

Hmmm what to write about next.? Highs and Lows ... who knows. Yawns .... time to go cook a yummy feed.

Over & Out.

Ponder

08-24-2015, 04:11 AM

Best thing I did was give away my android tablet to my daughter. I keep in regular contact with her and my grandson through the tablet on Skype. My daughter has no other friends at all. (I am hopeful that will soon change) It is very important I keep her spirits up and regularly encourage her. I do have a bad habit of telling her though. I need to watch that and have been getting better. Is so hard when I worry about her situation and the back story that goes with it. None the less, I have refrained from telling as much as I can ... have said little about my worries. I think the father has settled down since my last text and our response to the most recent notification. I took my advice last time I posted about not playing into the fears and manifesting things that need not be.

The little fella is more talkative now and mum is also feeling more spirited. I get down often with my lows and the state of the world, but I love this little fella to bits! He gives my all the joy I need. I have gently perused my daughter that I do better with voice and video communications as opposed to texting. Texting on Phone and Facebook is way limiting for me. It not so bad when both parties are at a keyboard, but still very limited. She seemed to like the idea of acquiring some hands free ability for her phone and of the Tab. That way my daughter can do her regular duties with the little one and still be able to talk. We can go for walks together that way. My daughter on here end with the pram and me up this way walking wherever ... the bush.

I'm looking forward to when she gets her blutooth earbuds.

Anyways - I expose you all to this as an uplifting moment. Only fare to share the highs with the lows.

I am happy my grandson and daughter appear to be doing well. It's all about supporting each other like many in here say.

Have a good evening all. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpM48L6oVlU&feature=youtu.be

Poppy was out walking :)

Ponder

08-24-2015, 06:12 AM

_______________________________________________
____

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5635/20815934956_af85dd2086_o.jpg

It's my therapy and it makes me a good listener. Take advice from someone you can trust ... Yourself! Listen to yourself.
Especially when talking to others. Is a good reason to keep talking.

Ponder

08-24-2015, 07:51 AM

I have often said I am my own audience. I have also advocated many times the benefit of speaking out/writting ... and doing so regularly. It is without a doubt a therapy that benefits me more than not. How to write and what to say is not always an easy thing. Today I had a crack at trying to speak to someone else. I am not the best for that as I pretty much just project more of myself, than I do to actually help. It's worth noting that whilst others also ask for help, that many avoid wanting to hear the truth. In such cases, people are quick to create questions that lead more to what they want, rather than require. I do it all the time, although getting better at catching myself.

I have always gong on about tone and a number of other things. Perhaps I am too honest for my own good, and other times not enough. I'm not into religion and will often speak out against it ... but there are moments I will skim what works for me. One such skimming I want to share that has helped me is a Buddhist teaching called Right Speech.

The Noble Eightfold Path (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noble_Eightfold_Path) is the fourth of the Buddha's Four Noble Truths (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Noble_Truths). It consists of three divisions encompassing 8 factors. I have found much benefit in learning to listen to myself through the teachings of the third factor → Right Speech. Division Two → Ethical Conduct.

__________________________________________________ ______

One thing I have noticed about this skill, is how quick people tend to pick the words of others when they think others are not so virtuous with their speech. It's a common theme with monastic and religious types. People are fast to tell others what they should say and think. Using religious texts is a great way of doing that.

So why waste my time with something I see as an obvious trigger to my own search for peace? Simply because my acknowledgement of this fallibility is listed within the scriptures themselves. Its much the same with most religions - It's people who tend to take the best lessons, twist them and take them out of context.

What's my agenda here? Learning Right Speech can help me be less Negative and also make is less draining when I do speak. What I say is more conducive to myself as well as others. Again - my ramblings are more for myself. I mean not to appear selfish and it might seem weird that I talk like so, yet do it so publicly.
Long story is - it's much better than going crazy. I guess the main lesson that comes from writing mindfully is being able to feel the words before they come out. There is a misconception though in the way people tend to think with regard to writing mindfully. In as much you can not do so whilst just tapping away at the keyboard and letting your words flow free.

At first ... I think its actually good to just hit away and say what comes to mind. Of course establishing some kind of place that you are comfortable to do so really helps. The way I see it, if people don't like what I have to say, then they don't have to read. So for me ... I am like an open book ... that I myself often like to read. Each to their own. Find a place where it works for you.

Back to the teaching of Right Speech - It teaches you when your BSing yourself, as well as learning when others do it too. Teaches about intention, about being genuine. It really teaches you how to listen. There is a conflict when some people say that you should not talk so much, but instead listen. I say that many of us need to talk, in order that we can listen. This is more to do with silencing the words that won't stay still in our head. Others are always quick to silence them for us, telling us that we should listen. Do you see the contrition ... Using words from one context to make another. We do it all the time. It's generally worse when we are telling others. Yet another admission I am working on. My wife and I are looking to cancel Face Book as it plays so heavily into such things. I am tossing up the connections it offers for my friends I have met in here, yet I question the need for something that generates more negativity than it does healing.

In here I can find much better space, by taking the time to hear myself think. How can I hear myself if I do not talk it out. FB and the like are far to shallow and quite the opposite of Right Speech. In fact its more adverse than anything else. I ponder on how effective it is to talk to my grandson who can yet not read. How tragic it will be, when text becomes more the form in which they speak. An Irony as I sit here and type on that thought. When the focus will go from that of self expression, to one that only reads.

So on that note ... I will dribble, splatter and say whatever ... I will encourage others to do that same thing. It's not that simple to tell people to hush up and listen, just as its not easy to listen whilst speaking. Balance is key. I'm into feeling on the go - finding the zone. A CD player that reads and writes on the fly.
__________________________________________________ ________

A balance of contemplative meditative exploration - such as what I create in here ... then a balance of simply phone call, visit in person and a gentle touch. Yep - Facebook and our current path ... digital vertigo will ensure that we run and hide from that which we do not want to face. How convenient this world now be. How convenient am I? Is it really less energy or does it tax us more ... given how many of us wind up popping pills and telling others what they feel and think? Of course based on our own perception, which really says more about us than those we come to hate and despise.

Told you the dynamics would not change. Now I refer to my Sig.

My thoughts my mind - my hang ups ... but glad some of you don't mind hearing. You know where the X is ... top right hand corner.

Righto - off to bed.

Ponder

08-24-2015, 08:03 AM

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_

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/586/20656480220_32d9ffcc8e_z.jpg

That's 55 minutes of muttering to himself:
I'd rather be a fly on the wall during that time as opposed to hearing the question without knowing how it was formed.

Ponder

08-24-2015, 04:16 PM

I am on a bit of a quest at the moment and came across a well written article on Journaling for Mental Health. (http://www.odyssey.org.au/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=128&Itemid=133) I tired this quest before. Searching for an online community that has a group of people who write their journals online similar to me. So far I have been offered the privilege of this space to write as publicly as I do, but from my perspective I often seem very out of place doing as I do. In saying that, I have been more thankful than anything else.

Here's the the thing about finding a place where there are others like me; a place where others write and share there journals for Mental Health. Number one, whilst I am fairly good at shrugging the self conscious feeling off - online as I do and write as freely as I do, writing in a place I meant for journals like this will certainly add to syncing in general. Especially if it's a collection of mentally effected and challenged people like myself.

At the end of the day, as great as this place is ... it does not have a sub section devoted for Online Journaling. So beneficial is such an act, that I ponder to think there are not more places that offer such a category, with a sticky or two on just how helpful journaling is for ones mental health.
________________________________

The positive self talk and clarity that comes is something I feel would be more experienced jouranling among others like minded peers. Often a quick jump out of my journal into someone else's, (again - with like minded peers) can help me from becoming too rutted when negative thoughts begin to ensue. The problem with long term ingrained mental conflict is that despite jounrnals being as beneficial as they are ... they can also bite back! One can get seriously lost within ones head. I seem to be in a reasonably good space for now, however the darkness that can swallow up those who suffer from clinical depression when reaching so deep is often been reasoned why some people have their thought process nullified in the first place. More so ... why authorities in whatever field are reluctant to give people the same space as afforded to someone deemed more stable.

Perhaps now I am closing the gap as to why I am having trouble finding such space on the web? IMO ... I feel this reasoning becomes more limiting and debilitating than letting people take the risk and spending more time and energy in implementing protective measures ... rather than just stigmatizing the illness itself and of course ... passing off the such challenges more to complacency with reliance factors that make once again ... getting through that day a little bit easier → for themselves and everyone else. .... but at what cost?
___

Forgive me ... I seem to be going off track, yet reaching into something that has alluded me for a long time. The Pros and Cons of the mentally ill having a place where they can share their online Journals. Does not help when being such a perfectionist and having more expectations than one admits or otherwise attempts not to have. Banging head on the wall syndrome I feel.

Which brings me back to focusing on what I already have in here and being thankful for that.

In the link above. One fact that sticks our well for me. Is the positive self talk I can get from speaking as freely as I allow myself. BUT - you can't always get it when mentally stressed. Sometimes you actually have to bash out the words. It's a living hell down at its core for many who struggle to write one sentence, let alone be expected to find the "RIGHT SPEECH" ... The lesson in right speech is truly a gift to be had ... but living in a world of expectations is what drives many of us mad. Just now I tether a little rage ... this morning I just happen to be quick enough to catch it and be kind to it ... but let's be fair; you cant blame those that hit out. Yet we do live in this world that seeks to label the kid and fob them off.

"he or she is autistic ... it is expected" That there is our complacent state. Was just reading up a little in another thread here in this forum on marriage. I think you mentioned complacency Jesse ... but I was just skimming so much have it wrong. I always refer to my wife's and I partnership as an amazing feat. 27 Years now. Learning how to deal with complacency does in fact take a lot more than just love. Or love as we typically know it. Love is preached about so whimsically imo and I really don't want to loose track on that topic. Love is indeed important, but it is so much more than fuzzy wuzzy feelings that we have been lead to believe.

Is a hard task to be sure to put your arms around those that hit out as they do, and an even harder one to expect them to do the same to you. The more I can write in a fashion that allows me the time to hit out as often as I do, the more I can better experience the tingles of peace that come as they do. Binding people for fear of the black hole they may create, for the fear of ........................
________________________

RIGHTO ... phone call and also a good friend message me at the same time. I leave this as is.

I think I have said enough for now.

jessed03

08-24-2015, 05:45 PM

Twenty-seven years. Wow. You should have committed murder. You'd be a free man already. ;)

Not that I expect different from you Dave, but your thoughts on love are very mature. It's no surprise you and Lisa have weathered so many bumpy patches.

Mainstream love is just another commercialized idea, isn't it. "Love is all you need" - wasn't that the Beatles? Yeah right! Love's a start, but the reality is far more challenging, as we often see and hear in this thread. Still, I suppose real love doesn't bring in much money. "You complete me" looks nicer in a Valentine's day card than "I'll take care of you when you're old and you stink, or when you're sick and moody."

Dahila

08-24-2015, 06:21 PM

Very interesting post, Dave. I like your fragment about love too. Most people have no idea what love means. :)

JohnC

08-24-2015, 06:39 PM

That video of your grandson is a hoot , love it Poppy :)

needtogetwell

08-25-2015, 04:17 AM

Hi all!

I have many thoughts on your posts Dave, will try to put them down in words later this morning when I sitting at the hospital while Scott goes for his chemo.

The vid of your grandson had Scott ant I in stitches! He is so adorable.

Until later friends, when my brain is more awake.

Cheers!

needtogetwell

08-25-2015, 07:55 AM

Right speech.... I like the concept. Fits right in with the other topic you mentioned....listening.

Listening..... Truly a lost art in our fast, self centred society. It always amazes me that you can have a conversation with someone and they are more concerned with getting their words and thoughts out rather than responding to what you may have said.

Listening allows you to appreciate another person for who they are, unless you truly listen to one persons ideas and learn their beliefs it is really impossible to appreciate another.

Once one has learned to listen, then right speech definitely comes into play. Thinking about what one says rather than simply blabbering to hear ones own voice. Another lost art, the speed at which many live their lives is not conducive to creating your own ideas and expressing them effectively.

Good topic Dave, I have other thoughts swirling around in my head, but am more distracted than I thought I would be here in the chemo suite.

I'll check back later.

jessed03

08-25-2015, 02:08 PM

Listening..... Truly a lost art in our fast, self centred society.

Dahila posts this pic on Facebook that says "If you talk, you'll only hear what you already know. If you listen, you might learn something completely new." Maybe you've seen it? I really like it.

Hope your day goes as well as it can given the circumstances, Pam!

Ponder

08-25-2015, 03:00 PM

LOL Jess. For now, the time I can make count is freedom enough. “…weathered so many bumpy patches”, is so very true. Just as is the last part you wrote about the Beatles band and how we tend to take the easier view. Right now I am going through a very bumpy patch and in need of having to dig deep to ride it out.

Hi Dahila, thanks for the chat yesterday. I am with Jesse on Love being a mainstream Idea that’s viewed more as a commodity than it is perceived as selflessness or any kind of good will unto others.

Glad you liked the Video John. Hope all is well with you and yours. Not meaning to stalk, but I have checked out some of your posts because I like your spirited nature John. It pleases me every time I see you take stock in your not smoking anymore and the new job you seem to be doing well in. You’re help with others is an inspiration and I am very thankful for the time you take to come in here and spend with me. Thanks John.

Hi Pam … I hope whatever took place at the chemo clinic has not been over taxing for you Pam. I can appreciate your current distractions being of the utmost priority. I am gladdened that my share with the little one brought a smile to you guys, as was my intention. I think such a share highlights the healing that can come from opening up like so. We tend not to judge little human beings like so, but once they get some age on them, we tend to see the symbols that define them more than the person behind them. I love pretty all kids. That is one thing that has not been sucked out of me. My chin up look of support to a weary kid might not be as uplifting as it once was, but I’ll still perk up a little at the sight of little beings.

That’s for the feedback on Right speech. I was very conscious reading about the listening part you have focused on there. I was when I mentioned it too. More over on how I have missed some of your posts during my own. Just want to let you know, that I do try and take everyone into consideration and what they have written. That is important to me as I believe very much what you have just written.

In saying that Pam, please understand that we all need time for our blabbering. My imbalance gets worse when I open the door on one aspect, then shut it on the other. For me I have been in a bit of a rough patch these last few weeks to a month and a bit. The art class thing has been good, but for whatever reason, there has been something building. I said a couple of times, that I missed writing.

However, I then went on a writing spree that has seen me without an off switch. Not just in this place but a few others. The inertia has kept many things swirling. (to use a word you understand well)
_______________________________________________

In order to get a grip on this bumpy patch yet again and find the balance I need. I am restricting myself to one hour in this forum as a morning post only. I am going to keep up my walking and concentrate in other areas that bring me more space.
I would like to stick with the art, although rethinking the 3 hour art classes on shopping day. I might have to reshuffle. There are a few things I need to reshuffle in fact. I need to get serious about establishing a routine.

My health is declining yet again. I aim to revisit the water fasting as I know from personal experience that worked well for me. The hunger was hard in the beginning, but it did get better and I felt amazing. It's the comfort food that is literally killing me at a slow and deceptive pace. Being on my toes and more able to appreciated every breath I take, will make more able to make this hour count. I will perhaps become more concise and more to the point. More skillful in my right speech.

I will take on other projects with regard to writing ... but spread it more effectively. At this point my main focus in with regard to my morning hour posts, followed with an hour walk. I'll also work in some art, reading and keep my diet clean. The rest will be seeing more to my wife and smoothing at the bumps with regard to that.

A little goal setting if you will. Five new precepts whilst I see to my wife.

Thankfully I started a few of them a couple of days ago.

Two minutes to go ...

I wish you all well in your own affairs and hope that the evening and day brings a sense of hope in whatever and wherever, such a time finds you.

Until my next morning post.

needtogetwell

08-26-2015, 07:36 AM

As promised, my musings on STUFF.

Stuff, clutter, mess, over abundance, whatever word you care to choose I have way too much of everything!

Everywhere I look in my house there is clutter and chaos. I have so much accumulated crap that the cupboards are full, the shelves are full, the closets are full.....arggghhhh my brain is full!

And that really is the trouble with stuff, not only does it fill your living space, but it fills your brain. The constant bombardment of environmental chaos certainly doesn't help my ADHD brain.

It is time for some living space meditation. Just as you clear your brain of thoughts when you meditate, now is the time for me to clear the space that I live in.

Being diagnosed with Adult ADHD, (I have actually had it since I was a young child) the task I am about to undertake will be a true challenge for me. I tend to start something (doesn't matter what it is) and then lose interest, and move on to something else that grabs my attention. It is no wonder I am so exhausted! The multitude of unfinished projects around the house, the clutter , an autistic almost 16year old, and now Scotts issues, it is really amazing that my brain hasn't exploded by now.

So here I go, I am going to ask you all to hold me accountable! That way I may actually get something done. I think I will start another thread so as not to get Ponders thread bogged down with my junk .

Wish me luck! This will be an exercise in freedom, not only environmentally but mentally too.

Dahila

08-26-2015, 08:25 AM

Hi guys. Pam I posted in your thread, but I am doing the same. I need to buy sofa table and my living room will have, sofa, coffee table, tv on tv stand and sofa table , that it, no other clutter and no plants no mess, so it looks neat and almost empty, it is what I need, with constant stimulation, neat and empty:)) I started to do it a year ago and slowly the house seems bigger:)

Ponder

08-26-2015, 02:53 PM

Thank You for sharing this with me. My hour is up - I responded in your other thread Pam.

Hope all is as well as can be.

Peace out Guys.

Hoping to post in my gaming thread later on ... might write something up on my com and sneak it in. Will play it by ear.

Pam - Thanks for an awesome Topic. I really would like to write elsewhere about EM ;)

JohnC

08-26-2015, 05:28 PM

Hi all,
P, i may have to try that water fasting myself. I have gained so much weight since i quit smoking that i am uncomfortable. I have gotten very sedentary as well since quitting but i am not sure why. It's a dam good thing that my mom taught me how to sew because i had to take all my pants and cut the button off and move it over as far as i could so that i could button them. You might say i am twice the man i used to be :)

needtogetwell

08-26-2015, 06:20 PM

John, and every inch lovable and appreciated!!!!

Before you go to the water fasting thing, which may be good, how about you try to cut out any and all grains, and eat clean. By clean I mean real fruits and vegetables, also with some good proteins like eggs, beef, chicken pork or fish. Stay away from the sugar, (a teaspoon in your coffee won't hurt if you drink coffe with it) and cut out all breads, pasta, cakes and the like. The sodas, if you drink them have to go!

I think you will find after a week or so eating like this you will feel much better. All in all I believe it is a much healthier way to go without all the processed stuff.

Just my 10 cents worth....

Dave and I both recently started to clean up our diets and speaking for myself I feel way better for it.

Dahila

08-26-2015, 07:36 PM

John I agree with Pam, every inch lovable and appreciated!!!!
Unfortunately I also gained a lot after quitting, but I prefer to be fat and clumsy than slim and smoker, with the oxygen tank. It was going to happen if I had not quit at the time. I still can happen but at least I am not smoking. John is your anxiety less than it was before? I had the beautiful two or three years of calm after quitting. I am back on meds but that ok:)

needtogetwell

08-26-2015, 07:53 PM

The biggest and best accomplishment you have made recently is to quit smoking. So what about a few pounds. With time you can deal with that. Think of it this way, you have greatly reduced your chances of getting lung cancer.

Believe me, you don't ever want to go down that road. It is really an ugly path. I'm watching the progression of it every day. I could never wish anyone to go through this.

With your health anxiety, you know that you will do what you need to to remain healthy.

Btw-I remember you talked about a birthday coming up. I'm sure I missed it. When was it? And I also think you mentioned the big 50?

You are on the right track for living well to a ripe old age.

JohnC

08-26-2015, 08:11 PM

Aw you guy's 1614 typical day's food. No candy, cakes and the only bread is 12 grain. My breakfast everyday is dry roasted peanuts and diet soda ( seriously every day ). Lunch is turkey with spinach and Swiss cheese on 12 grain bread and mayo, supper depends but usually a salad and chicken or fish. Don't get me wrong once in awhile i got to have my honey and peanut butter ( love that ). Almost all the red meat i eat is Deer but when i run out we do use beef. The Adkins diet does take weight off but it can be very expensive. i also eat yogurt and bananas 3 or 4 times a week along with blueberries when in season. Thats the kind of stuff i eat. i have just gotten lazy and do not lift weights any more, no more chopping wood and cutting trees. Lazy, Lazy, Lazy

needtogetwell

08-26-2015, 08:44 PM

You only have a couple of minor tweaks to do, if eating clean is something that you think may interest you.

The diet soda has to go! Lol, tough to give up but the body wasn't made to ingest those chemicals.

Don't think in terms of Atkins, yes it can be expensive. Just think in terms of what you put in your mouth as close to its natural state as possible. If it comes in a box with an ingredient list you can't pronounce, then run! Fast!!

You know we will back you up 100% of the way if you decide to make some changes.

needtogetwell

08-26-2015, 09:01 PM

Dave, Dave, Dave,

Wow I'm impressed with that response you have the kid with the panic attacks after smoking weed.

You addressed all the areas so well. I hope he understands all that you told him.

WTG!!!!

needtogetwell

08-27-2015, 02:18 PM

:( but I understand.

Ponder

08-27-2015, 03:09 PM

Thanks Pam - I am glad someone understands what I meant. :)

Forgive me If I miss anyone. This time limit is a challenge for my thought patterns and wishing to keep up with everyone. I fear I will miss my gaming thread with so many loose ends, but is ok ... I will adjust soon enough.

JOHN - Buddy ... Thanks for the quick chat ... srry I could not make it longer. Speaking of chatting, I have kind of run into another problem that's raised its head once more, but I will have to address that another time also. I hope the ladies understand how that one goes. Looks like I can only have boyfriends from this point on. Sigh. Oh well. Is no problem ... like I said, I am an open book so not much to miss when viewing my end.

JOHN - I am like 3 times my size and whilst we are led to believe this is normal ... it is not. Perhaps I should better say it is NOT NATURAL. That being out of sync and out of shape is in fact normal this day and age. I think Britain now tops that obesity charts with 50% of its Nation being Obese, or was that America, Canada or Australia? It's all of us and now you can include China!!!! (Clears throat) ... Now that is saying something.

Truth is, a lot of kids world wide are becoming short sighted because they don't get outside enough. It's not just a case of what you eat man, although given your nutritional intake as listed there, you could make a good start without the need for water fasting. In fact, water fasting would see you go through too much pain with a sudden change into that. You will need to drink plenty of water if you do decide to change your diet though. Seriously man ... You know that shit is killing you slowly. I only need to tell you like that for you to admit it ... although at the risk of pissing you off. Srry Man ... but I think your cool with it, you did make the admission yourself. I'm kind of cowering behind my desk as I type this. :)

WALK - don't even waste your time with the word exercise. Even if you continue to do nothing but make one simple change that even sick people can still do, then do the one simple thing before that even becomes too hard. Get up and WALK. Sit less - Sitting beyond a certain point kills us as much of the processed foods do. I won't go on too much because you also have to make the change one of well being. Not one of Go Get Em! The good people in here have often told me to take is slow ... I get that now. My body won't allow me to push like I used to, but my mind can still trip me. Enter the Comfort food and more Sitting. Double Whammy combined with age and a slowing metabolism. THREE TIMES me natural size. I may appear relatively muscular per my fat distribution, but that's more because I have not really shown much of myself at a distance when doing those hand held vids and I am also conscious of any photos that I am in. We all are! Its how we have been trained to think.

I laugh now to consider those who think themselves to be well adjusted, doing well in life and so on. The fat there still struggle with using clothing design specifically to hide all the bits a pieces that would otherwise make themselves known, and those who look the part have the opposite problem with making sure they are seen everywhere they go.

Don't worry about how we look man. For us, we just need to start feeling our bodies once more, but only so we can get well. It's not the look that bugs me so much ... I fall prey to that kind of thinking, but its more the huge list of illnesses and limitations that come with being obese that makes living life hell.

Just like Pam said ... some recent changes have come to be for me. Ones I yet again implement.

Different this time. I am walking ... but have changed my attitude to it. Not marching or any of that. I am sitting less. I still sit for a long time ... but much much less. It's not about comparing, so please don't think because you may drive for a job that it's useless to try and change. In fact you will reap more rewards and it becomes more of a must. I am walking more around my house. It is a huge effort ... I think about people who spend all day on their feet.

I am choosing to be careful what I put in, because I know it's a combination of everything on not just one thing. You can spend to long on one point - Nature is simply not like that. All that running and lifting weights I did ... NOPE! - It did me worse ... but I speak about that latter as now I have reached the end.

My morning ramble done. :)

Take care guys.

Until next one.

JohnC

08-27-2015, 03:34 PM

I am embarrassed to say but i drink about 3 liters of diet soda a day 2 of which are before i leave the house................ i have an addiction, seriously.
i also drink about 4 liters of water a day. People make fun of me and tell me i have diabetes but i do not. in fact i just had my yearly physical which since i turned 50 was even more in depth and no diabetes not even border line. I started drinking large amounts of fluids after having a large kidney stone about 20 years ago so i started drinking more and never stopped :(
Do you have any idea how hard it is to travel for your job and have to pee all the time? I may start wearing adult diapers ( corn is tall so its a good time of year )

needtogetwell

08-27-2015, 04:17 PM

I giggle at the corn reference John, too funny, but definitely practical!

What is it about turning 50 that makes the medical community stand up and take notice of you. It isn't as if on the day you turned 50 you magically got diabetes, Colin cancer or breast cancer! I had the same battery of tests when I turned that magic number a few months ago. There are still the various cancer screening tests they still want to do but I have all I can deal with at the moment, thank you very much!

Anyway, I learned something that diet Pepsi is good for today. It can clear obstructions in G-tubes. Scotts tube in his belly was obstructed today and 2 nurses told me to flush Pepsi through it. Go figure!

JohnC

08-27-2015, 04:59 PM

Hey Pam, so Pepsi is an edible drain cleaner :)

I wonder what 20 years of drinking diet mountaun dew is like? panic attack creeping in:eek:

needtogetwell

08-27-2015, 05:15 PM

No wonder that's where you get your morning caffeine hit!!! Lol.

Took me forever to get off coffee, used to drink a pot and a half before I was even civilized in the morning. My favourite saying: "hand over the coffee, and no one gets hurt." That was so me!!!

It still takes a while for me to become civilized in the morning, decaf tea just doesn't have the se kick'

JohnC

08-27-2015, 05:20 PM

Thats it in a nut shell..................I gotta juice up to get going or i drag ass. i used to be coffee drinker since i was a little kid and then it started to hurt my stomach so i started drinking the green draino called diet mountain dew and never looked back. I still love the taste and smell of coffee but my stomach don't like it.

jessed03

08-28-2015, 03:06 PM

Shoot, John! That's a lot of fluids. I'm surprised the Ohio government hasn't commissioned you to be a human water fountain in a local park. You must have to carry around your very own porta potty dude!

The Dew is nice though. Sweet, but nice. Like once a year I get it because it reminds me of a family trip to the US when I was a kid. First time I ever tried it was from a hotel vending machine. Sweet nostalgia, lol. I like Snapple as well. They recently brought that over here, which is cool. Love the lemonade one on a warm day.

Ponder

08-28-2015, 03:07 PM

This New Chemical in Soft Drinks is More Toxic Than Sugar…It’s a Killer

Link Here (http://www.institutefornaturalhealing.com/2013/07/this-new-chemical-in-soft-drinks-is-more-toxic-than-sugar-its-a-killer/)

Where do you Live again John?
If you’re in any other state besides California and you drink Pepsi, the chemical is still there.

Here is a test for you:
Below is a just a few of the billion links associated to the harms or soft drinks:

Duty To Warn - Diet Soda Is Poison (http://www.rense.com/general85/asp.htm)

Soda and Cola Soft Drinks Are Poison
They Contain Chemical Additives, Sugar and Caffeine (http://nutrition2success.com/soda.php)

Soft Drinks – Modern Day Poison? (http://www.shawacademy.com/blog/soft-drinks-modern-day-poison/)

A Killer In Your Fridge ~ Sweet Poison…A MUST READ (https://rhondagessner.wordpress.com/2013/09/02/a-killer-in-your-fridge-sweet-poison-a-must-read/)

Soft Drinks: Liquid Poison? (http://www.be-n-balance.com/uncategorized/soft-drinks-liquid-poison/)

Just a couple of Questions for you:

Did you read any of the links?
Did you find the articles concerning?

If No ... then your are not ready to give up and perhaps never will be. Is also without a doubt that if you were more looking for reasons as to why each article is wrong, then your also not ready. However if you understand the nature of addiction and how many of the poisons in today's food are meant to keep us coming back for more; then it's just a matter of overcoming the depression.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________

By the way ... The very first link I gave (started post with) was just a prod at Pepsi being a healthy additive for cleaning out the pipes. :) Sugar is a killer full stop, but it's good to know the list of poisons they keep adding to soft drinks.
_____

OH YEA -for some reason, I can not see PM replies. I can see them inbox but when I click on them, the only thing I see was what I wrote to you guys as a quote ... but I do not see your messages? WTF is up with that?

Moving on:

Dahila, I know you advocate indulging every now and then and I get the angle on that with respect to not being so rigid. For me, I find the every now and then a hook that keeps bounded. I have an addictive gene. I think all humans have it actually. Some worse than others, but none the less something that keeps us eating more for the thrill rather than to be fed. This is for me. It takes me time to adopt an approach. I am getting sick of busting withing 6 to 8 weeks of my eating healthy attempts. Holding to this this concept that it's OK to eat bad things is quite damaging to me. For me it is not OK, because something in me clicks when I start back on the sweet things - ESPECIALLY those processed products with sugar in them. It is like when I was a drug addict and alcoholic but worse. Worse because these things killing me are legal and fit my budget as staples. My addicted budget that is. When I am eating properly, I am able to drop the cost despite whole foods being way more expensive than all that sweet and salty crap.

There is an aspect to Buddhism that many people do not like but I do. That is that ability to detach from emotion. I also believe people miss understand the concept of overcoming desire. In many of the weight loss forums, people become bitter about the idea of detaching from emotion, especially when it comes to food. I am the opposite and being like such is without a doubt yet another reason to detach from emotion.
__________________________________________________ ______________

I guess it's even hard when you on medications ... they tend to mask how our bodies are feeling ... and the need for more powerful foods filled with more of this and that ... are required in order to get that "savory"feeling. Food for Feeling - there lay the real issue in a world sold on feelings. I think that brings homes my point very well. For Me.

I am really busy this morning and have not really hit out what I wanted to day John.
___________

I can only talk for me as I am currently undergoing one of my huge pushes to detoxify but again ... I always go into it wanting to make it more of a life style than just another act. We have stuck to buying whole foods and done pretty good there for a whiles now. BUT - that every now and then thing, kind of fucks me up. The sugar slowly creeps back in as too the salt. Then comes the caffeine. Three major hooks that often play into how I am feeling. It quickly goes from every now and then into a continuous slow cycle that brings about denial and so on. Typically in the form of excuses measured against how I really feel. Start eating to hide the discomfort or cover it up. Jolly Jolly Ho Ho ... she'll be right mate. Is more important that we are happy, not how we look. Quick pick up ... is good for cancer you know ... yadda yadda ... did you know that lalalalalalalaa

I just ask myself ... "how do you feel?" Is it really helping you? I was doing coffee during my good weeks but just like the little bits of sugar and salt, it quickly lead to headaches as sure as I go through shoe soles, our out grow my summer tops during the winter months. The food pretty much controls me these days and I am sure if limits pretty much everyone in similar ways.

Food Food ... for most it dictates when they eat ... is sets the time.
___

Despite the massive headaches I went through - I have made positive gains in a short time, simply giving up the sugar, salt, butter and caffeine. I don't consider it deprivation anymore than I would consider giving up cigarettes. The walking has helped me tremendously though as to getting off this thing ... learning to give up the compulsion to check in with my phone. Detaching from the many hooks not even related to food has been helping me heaps to only eating when I am hungry.

Once I learn the hunger thing ... to feel it ... to know hunger Vs craving ... its is the next thing that comes after detox and takes weeks if not months to really get a grip.

This is the stage I am focusing on for now - it keeps me from overeating, when you make excuses because one is now eating whole. Its healthy ... I'll can eat as much as I want. Pffft. Oh I deserve such and such ... that's how the hook of "every now and then" keeps me from graduating to the real joy of food and freedom.

Righto ... My dis-empowerment techniques are not for everyone. Falls into the misconstrued deprivation category that others commonly put that in.

That's my approach for now. Whatever works hey.

The clean eating and hunger lessons before I graduate to water fasting. ;)

I'm on a come back man ... but starting in the obese category. I know I want to get well. Have decided and getting back up on the bike. Albeit walking among other things not food related. :)
__________________________________________

jessed03

08-28-2015, 03:17 PM

I do eat so much junk. I use it as a false energy supply to get me through the day. That sucks, I know. :-/. My health has suffered.

I have a purge planned in 2 weeks. I'm going to just quit everything processed, man-made, and a little dodgy, and see how I feel. Gonna just eat as mother nature intended. I've made a commitment to try it for 3 months minimum, at least up until Christmas. I was worried I'd just end up spending my life eating miserably and being depressed, but it's reassuring how you say you don't miss the crap stuff any more, Dave.

How long do you think it takes before you really enjoy the new lifestyle?

Ponder

08-28-2015, 03:32 PM

Already reaping the benefits 10 fold. It's hard early on, but simply a perspective of mind. When it comes to Junk Food, enjoyment is only as fleeting as hand to mouth.

Ponder

08-28-2015, 03:34 PM

Some of us are either 50 or nearing it. Aging has a way of bringing the fallibility of our modern diet to our attention in the most uncomfortable of ways. Enjoy your youth while it lasts or respect it and savor it for longer.

Ponder

08-28-2015, 03:39 PM

Marc - if your on the side ... I may email soon. I am not sure how much longer I will be around myself. Do keep in touch via email. Again - Boyfriends allowed. ;)

needtogetwell

08-28-2015, 06:13 PM

Dave, with all the trials you have done you know what works for you. That's a great place to be, most people just go with conventional wisdom and eat according to what fad diet is being hyped at the moment.

Truly healthy eating is all about finding what works for you and not paying attention to the colourful boxes claiming they are vitamin and mineral enriched. Seriously, if it was real food in the first place then they wouldn't have to enrich it with anything. Take for instance the humble carrot, no vitamin enriching there, just have to watch for the genetically modified versions, cause honestly, that's as bad as anything boxed, but maybe to a lesser degree. Yes, don't get me started on GMO veggies, sore subject here. I already had a rant a few weeks ago on the topic of cucumbers.

The food industry, man that is one ugly situation! It absolutely floors me every time I walk the aisles of the supermarket.... I walk around muttering " crap, crap, yup more crap...." Other shoppers think I am completely bonkers as they continue to load their trollies with box after box and bag after bag of fat and sugar, oh you have a prepackaged salad in there? Wow , way to go that might offset the garbage you are about to consume for about a millisecond.

Before the explosion of the food industry people were healthier, thinner and dealt with much less heart disease and diabetes. I'm only talking about 50 or 60 years ago. Our generation, the gen x's have been greatly brainwashed by television and every food ad on there. We are the sick generation, and our kids and the following generations are following in our footsteps. They are just as sick and probably fatter, more obese than ever. They don't move, ie: walk anywhere, they don't go out and just play, run , jump use those muscles, the only muscles that get any exercise are the fingers, which barely leave the keyboard long enough to stuff that sugar and fat laden Twinkie into their mouths! Boy have we fucked up!

End rant.

Cheers all.....can you tell? I'm a little stressed and pissy this evening, lack of sleep and stress are catching up. Time for some true meditation!

Ciao!

Dahila

08-28-2015, 06:53 PM

Yes we can not always say not to cravings. Lifting my hand up, I am a heavy coffee drinker and tea too for that matter. Just white tea. Water is my main drink though. I would not touch the pop, i hate the taste. I strongly believe that some people are addicted to sugar in it. Sugar as salt (guilty as sin) is very addictive. I am trying to avoid man making foods , but sometimes, when I cook I have not time left for me, at all. Now the craziness with freezing everything from the garden, making tomato paste with garlic and basil, oregano. Pickles are done, and soon will be time to dig out celeric and I must to freeze Kale. I do believe our adventures in baking and gardening does good to the body, even fat body, I am fat:)) Then I have theory; Nervous cells need some fat to function all right:))

Ponder

08-29-2015, 06:09 AM

I appreciate your thoughtful replies Pam and Dahila. Just breaking protocol tonight to quickly say I really don't want to invest in right and wrong with the whole intake other then do what I know to be as is for me. I think you kind of said that already Pam ... and that's dead on the money. I made a point of saying "for me" ... tonight I want to emphasize just going with what I know to be true without investing emotion into any other part of the equation. To do so is unhealthy. I know what I must do and thus far seem to be doing a decent job with it.

Not easy ... but feeling the benefits and do not wish to return to hurting myself with all that other stuff I know as crap.

Thanks again ladies.

Ponder

08-29-2015, 03:09 PM

Right or wrong, I really don't care. I've done the research and am now going to document my own experiences first hand. I was looking forward to doing so with my attempt at water fasting but figured I could do the same thing leading up into it.

For about the past 2 weeks I have started walking from 40 minutes to 1 hour + depending on how I fee. My approach was fairly mild and pleased to say the all too often associated soreness was quite bearable and now subsiding. I went through some major headaches in the first week but they became less intense during week too.

I have been feeling a lot better. I still have my moments with getting tired ... but I'm no spring chicken and have let myself go. People are quick to forget how age impacts one persons version of events Vs another. Especially when their goal is to be younger for the sake of looking like so. No more Versing or Comparing for me. No more having to prove one way vs another. I can only go with what works for me. My energy has picked up. Already range of moment is feeling improved. I seem to have a sense of body that extends more inward with regard to knowing when I am craving and when I am hungry. If I'm tense I will stretch where as before I would simply just let the tension build. I am more hydrated which makes stretching much easier among other things.

The most beneficial change to my diet in this first two weeks was cutting out all the soft drinks, sugar, cakes and any form of sweets. I cuts my salt shaker and has substituted butter for avo. Week two saw me eating less as I began to feel my body more. I have been attempting this over a long time with starts and stops so know what I am looking for each time. Because of my many other attempts It seems easier for me when I am in a good mental position when coming back to approach these attempts again.

Now I am in a good spot to go to the next level. Instead of further reducing my cals ... and upping my exercise, I am focusing with good results and working on my real world relationships, spending less time on the computer and being more active. Thus far it seems to be as every bit as effective as my healthy food choices. It's keeping my in a good space to continue making healthy choices. Therefore has become a crucial element in "success" although a word which has a complete different meaning to me.

Now I find myself seriously considering the Water fasting in the near future. I have attempted a few fasts of a few different kinds. They are not easy and head space is everything. Thus far feeling good about my approach.

Cutting out the animal products is the next step in approaching a serious water fast. A step that comes before juice cleansing which is not a fast. Already having cut cals, and my stomach reduced in size ... I look forward to but not overly ... when boiling some oats, soaking some nuts, tossing my salad or steaming my veg. Mostly I drink warm water and have a few low irritant herbal teas. Almonds have been a good staple for me with cold press options giving me more than just a few. Bananas also seem to help so I will stick with those for sure. No more taking a boiled egg from the fridge in order to see me though. Several almonds slowly chewed with warm water seem to do as good from the last few tests. Sometimes I would take a small swig from my cold press almond milk, but I like the feeling of chewing and the roughage. Although I do miss the benefits of the soaking I get with the home made nut milk. Some people say soak for 24 hours, but I just do for 12. I have read you need to be careful you don't make your nuts ferment going +24. Will have to check that out some more as to the claims of 12 hours not being enough for whatever processes to begin.

My main issue will be with cutting out the animal products whilst eating with my wife. I think I will just cook as normal and put my meal away that Lisa can reheat later if she so wishes. My partner may struggle as I tend to now do something a little different. A dynamic I am used to so am prepared for that.

That's it for now ... will see how I go in this next step toward my goal.

Ponder

08-30-2015, 05:24 PM

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My Next Project → Staring at the Sun for 45 minutes. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/shocked/fainting-smiley-emoticon.gif (http://www.sherv.net/)

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/Sungazing_zpsnbaeutpj.jpg

Sungazing. First correction: It's not really a project. I no longer look anything I do as a project. I'll research a subject of interest, however I tend to only go into things in a natural state these days. Humans are the ones that live radical lives. Those seeking to break away from it are not so radical as those who would be so quick to brand them freaks.

It's without a doubt this natural approach I have taken this time around with regard to my well being is seeing me go into it with a lot less suffering. I'm so glad I axed my Facebook Account. Despite the great claims of connectivity, I feel as it a very heavy weight has been lifted.

SO - lets break the fairy tension with "How the fuck did I come up with Sungazing?" Is it just another manic episode that requires a few weeks to settle? Certainly not. Sungazing is something I have already been doing before I even knew others had made a fad out of it. It is a Fad? Not the best term, however it some of mussing from those doing it will appear like so. I can appreciate the musings of such practitioners as I myself tend to disconnected my thoughts in much the same way. No worries though - ATM - I only researching the more critical information as to UV levels, variables to account with geographic location and time of year. With regards to shoes on and off, I would like to know more about the electrical activity taking place and state of charge built up if no shoes or shoes. Often I hear only the topic on consciousness connection with the earth which it of course important. I'm very tuned into the concepts of energy healing. Our approach effects us internally before we even embark on an activity.

Most of my sun gazing has not been anymore than a minute. Again I never knew the term or practice existed. However it does not surprise me. I have always been attracted to the sun, just as I have been with staring at the stars. I am amazed to learn just how long the UV level sits on ZERO after the sun pops above the horizon. How long it stays a zero seem to differ with a number of variables to consider. Other factors to consider are how long you start of looking at the sun and then how much time you add when attempting to increase ones staring ability. I laugh to think about my ability to take things to the extreme. ... takes a breath ... I know what I am doing. As a photographer I understand well how the sun can easily burn out the light receptors in a camera. This whole process in which I am researching light gives a new meaning to exposure. :)

There is no doubt in my experience about the healing properties of the sun and how under exposed we have become on so many levels when it comes to it and nature. Reading the articles of many others has been helping me to see more objectively and hopefully write more objectively as well. It's so easy to get caught up in the drama. The same kind of drama that has people going off to work hooked up to an IV drip, in order to replace deficient nutrient levels. That way they can avoid the anxiety attacks exasperated from the last podcast on nutritional health. Drama has a way off driving the market which in turn closes the doors on those in more need. All the more reason to reconnect with the nature and disconnect with what we have become. The mixing of Science and Conscious Expansion will always remain fruitless for our species as long as they continue to be, use and take → more, than what already is or more tragically → was.

The great thing about energy healing, is the ability for the individual to take control and disconnect from a system that deceptively encourages a life long dependency. One offers freedom whilst the other imprisons.

Those are my insights for the day.

Until next post ... it's time to get some sun.

Ponder

08-31-2015, 02:32 AM

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After my first Sungazing Session

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/607/20840668259_73a3853390_o.jpg

Got in some quality Sun Bathing. Strolled for 2 hours in one walk and went back out for a stroll as pictured above. Feeling Good.

Ponder

08-31-2015, 03:41 PM

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3rd week going well. Thoughts crossed my mind on the power of intention with regards to using posts like these to affirm my next steps without placing too much weight on the committing. Doing so ends up writing and or talking more than the doing. So it is that I am please to report more of the doing:

1/09/2015 Australia 1st Day of Spring.

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5626/20420283704_11292c8b1c_o.jpg

Not counting the days, but more so the weeks and soon enough if all is going well, the weeks will be logged in as months. Although in the beginning I did count the hours and then the days. Aware that I was doing so, It was early on that I adopted this approach of total acceptance in which I now write.

Sungazing Notes:

1/09/2015 Australia 1st Day of Spring.
5 mins staring shortly after taking a few pics with my phone.
The Sun had only just risen
Image started to fluctuate around the 2 minute mark but still pleasant
3 minute started to brighten - still easy to view although image fluctuating a little more
during the last 2 minutes of the 5, tension was setting in with the muscles around my eyelids and forehead.
The light started to spike more however the sun still prepared as a clear defined perfectly systematic ball.

I could of kept going, with the UV still at Zero, but knew this was a good base to now apply the 10 second rule. Each time I come back now, I will set a time and add 10 seconds to each consecutive viewing session.

Tinnitus was slightly increased, but no more then when I begin detoxing and making an effort to be more active. I will have to be careful to factor in my other areas of new challenges - There is a slight tension headache.

My eyes - They actually feel improved. When I came home yesterday, I could see my phone screen much better without my glasses and I can same the same this morning. Improved only. I still use my glasses to read and do not expect this to change. Too many other factors to consider with regard to this. Staring at phone screens and or even reading text is not really natural to begin with. Ageing and doing unnatural things with our eyes will see my wearing glasses no doubt. Having said that, sun gazing when done right seems to report an improvement with many peoples eyesight.
_____________________________________________

Take care guys ... have a good day/evening.

PS - I am still here.

Ponder

08-31-2015, 10:54 PM

My Online Relationships. How they affect my relationship with my wife and I.

From my experience, there are many pros to be found with online relationships; however there are negative aspects that come with online friendships as well. I recently made a post revealing that my wife had asked me to cut contact with all my lady friends. Although I did explain to her that none of my online relationships had the faintest of romance whatsoever, I knew well not to disrespect my wife on this issue. I was a diplomatic as I could be and sent of my PMs to advise those ladies of my predicament – saving a long drawn out post like this one. This is not the first time I have been requested to stop having relationships with other women online. Last time I had to leave a forum which I had been a member of for a few years; just like this one.

This is why I like to be fully transparent with other people. Life is so much simpler. I remind people this story comes from my perspective. I am nearing fifty and grew up in an era not as open to Polyamory as people seem to be today. It’s the intimacy of online relationships with others that present problems for monogamous partners. Underlying aspects such as time spent on computer and or phone is just as much an issue, as the distancing that consequently takes place. The more time spent building online relationships the closer those people become whilst their significant others, becomes less significant.

Now, I could reason that I spend a lot of time talking about my other to these women and that in turn they commiserate and also talk about theirs. One – whilst the topic may seem centred on our other, the emotional bonding that takes place through such commiseration develops into a form of intimacy that raises many doubts, denials, and on and on …

In this regard there are simply too many traps whether both parties feel that there is no way their online relationship could possibly present an issue to one or the others partner. For mine it obviously has. It’s also happened twice. I really should have been more careful. It’s hard when you don’t want to upset everyone.

Of course this perspective may seem very backwards to others who have no problem with having multiple intimate relationships. But I would reason even at the best of times, the Polyamory is hard enough to sift through, let alone dealing with those of us still dealing with the monogamy state of being. Emotions – something I am learning to let go of really. I can see the wisdom in many eastern philosophies that teach the letting go of intimacy in order to avoid the many pitfall’s that come with emotional responses and the fire in desire.
_______________________________________________

it’s quite a complex topic if one want to find reason for and against. I am just going to see if for what it is. I should have been more upfront and less clingy to the comfort such online distancing was giving me. Whilst going from idle chat to more emotive relaying, there is to be true a sense of desire in the escape that comes from both. It would be better to spend what little time I have left with my wife (relative – life is short whatever way you look at it) … and work on the synergy with my other, as opposed to creating the space that creates the rift.

That’s that story. If I am to be further grilled … then so be it. I’m doing what is best for my wife. She is my life. Otherwise I am not being true to myself. I am sure Marc understands where I am coming from. I do so hope if you’re reading Marc, and also that you can appreciate where I am coming from. It’s nothing personal with regard to the ladies – all I had to do was simply stop having the interment level of contact I was having. Private Messaging – Phone call like relations in FB and or Skype. These type of dynamics present the path to said traps that lead into whatever.

How is it any different with others sexes? It’s not. It really does not matter whether someone is a female or not. Our Society though … well it continues to contradict itself on so many levels.

I understand not everyone wants to be an open book, but I can tell you this much … remaining transparent makes for an easier life … even if others threaten to take advantage. Giving up on Society is helps to drop the fear. Giving up on beliefs does the same thing. I have not done this effectively as I still given in to greed and jealousy myself. My wife makes a good point, “How would you feel if I was doing the same with blokes?” Hell, I sometimes go green when I know my wife is spending time with girls.

I’m working on the whole thing about having no attachments. It’s a work in progress.

Until next post.

needtogetwell

09-01-2015, 02:31 AM

Where to begin........

I'm wearing my giant flame thrower now and could possibly ignite a huge bonfire .

As much as I can see the point and position, unbelievably tough one that it is, I have difficulty with it. Maybe it is because to me jealousy and insecurity are such useless emotions.

Having spent many years in a private girls school in my teen years, the environment is rampant with such emotions, I learned very early on that neither one of these emotions were of any use to me, and were for the most part entirely destructive.

I suppose the point to which ones partner could start to display such emotions is entirely dependent on the transparency of the relationship. Full disclosure of such online relationships to ones partner is essential, in my humble opinion .

When one deals with terminal or long term chronic illness those relationships develop out of a common point of reference, one of fear and commiseration which few have the ability to truly understand as the caregiver.

Keeping in mind that chronic and terminal illnesses change the person suffering from such diseases. They (the patient) rarely sees the changes, and feel that they are still the same as they always were, the caregiver knows better. The changes are subtle at first but become more apparent as time goes by.

For the caregiver, those online relationships become important from a supportive point of view as the caregiver rarely has time for themselves, let alone go out into the community in search of such supports. Yes, they are available, but the time restraints of leaving the house make such supports impractical . The 5 minute online chat are indispensable.

I have blustered many times about how technology has damaged relationships, and will likely be the undoing of society as a whole. In this particular perspective ( the point of the caregiver) technology is nothing short of a blessing. I suppose it too is entirely dependent on how often it is used. If it is used as a tool, rather than a self indulgent, time consuming form of escape from the reality of the situation, then yes, it definitely can be be destructive, regardless of how transparent the relationship is.

Ok flame thrower is put away. We will see how big the fire is. Time will tell.

One thing I truly believe..,,,, people come and go out if ones life. Those who are meant to be friends and support each other will return at some point.

Yes, it's painful when one walks away, but hey, I'm a big girl......I do what's right for me and respect those who do what they feel is right for them. No spite or jealousy here.

Ponder

09-01-2015, 04:08 AM

No flames this end Pam. That was very ... VERY well said. No one is walking away; we are still here. I am rather thankful for that. Thank You Pam. Please don't be a stranger. Every day presents a new lesson.

While I am here, I just want to add an interesting link re the Sungazing ... but also includes some really great advice on well-being all round.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FN2u7P1wUQU
Don't miss this link at the end of the video. It's also a good watch on the topic as well:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUsU4STxIJc&feature=iv&src_vid=FN2u7P1wUQU&annotation_id=annotation_817948

Ponder

09-01-2015, 04:38 PM

- Moving On -

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/656/21077919551_82a3435c9f_o.jpg

I discovered that act of sun gazing can also be performed though viewing reflected light. I have dialed down the amount of gazing time this morning due to image burn on my retina. LOL OMG!!! Drama ensues. Fear ... Alert Alert Alert. ... but this is nothing new. Black spot syndrome. Have had it many times before as an avid sun watcher. Unlike a TV screen, the human eye has an uncanny ability to repair itself. Of course whilst I am open to mind over matter, I am also aware of limits. Thus I have simply backed up my staring time and also looking into alternative graduated exposure that include extended viewing without directly focusing on the sun itself.

The continual wearing of my sun glasses outdoors has cause me more harm than the sun. But that's another story for another forum.

I'm moving on. Creating space as I do.
_________________

Things are different for me this time around. Everything just seems to be falling into with this latest attempt to regain my health. I am finally slipping out of man made seasonal mood swings governed by so many unnatural concepts, ideals and things. Times are still tough here in the home, but I seem more in control of my hunger than any other time in my life. Given the triggers yet my new found ability to only eat when my body needs it; well that is really something. It's also something I am not over the moon about either which in turn makes me think its going to last. Having said that, I really have no expectation ... I'm just in a feeling state ... stead fast in whatever or where I be.

No more searching - I'm just going surfing.

I'll drop back when I have something to show. Lets hope I won't be blind. LMFAO

It's not surprising I leave with my last few posts dealing on the extreme. FEAR is something that holds so many of us back.

I'm off to find my voice. ;)

See ya's when I see ya. I'll be sure to make a grand entrance when I come back ... if I come back. :)

Beam me up Scotty!

Dahila

09-01-2015, 08:08 PM

Hi guys, do not get me wrong but I actually understand the situation, maybe because I had very similar one. Skype; forget it, for the last 12 years I used it only to talk to my brother. Chatting on messengers, forget it, I have to watch every program not to keep history. The thing is; I love my man dearly and had never flirt or have something online that could cause any disagreement in house.
I miss all my dear online friends I can not chat with. We see each other on a few forums, beside this one, I am involved in about 5 forums. Sometimes pm system works for a message, but not too many.
Dave when someone is Everything to the person, who's life is already limited due the disease, that person does deserve all attention of yours.
Pam please do not feel bad about situation, our ways will never part, not talking necessary............... peace brothers and sisters :))

JohnC

09-02-2015, 04:25 PM

Well i must be honest...... I am a big FLIRT but my wife knows that i love her and i would not hurt her. Dahlia, Pam, Liz i hope that does not offend. I tell my wife for example that Dahlia is my sweet peach and Pam is my age and her dad has a awesome place that i would like to see and if i ever disappear she may want to look up north but she knows that i am all talk. We just have that relationship. I know how she feels about certain long hair rockers ( Bret Michaels and a few others ) but hell i don't care i even take her to meet them
P.S. Sorry to leave you out of the flirting Ponder but i do have some morals and i have to draw the line someplace. :)

Ponder

09-07-2015, 02:58 AM

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I made a new youtube channel which is public. Auto updates for those who wish to keep in touch. I have just started my 3 day fast on water. I will be updating my progress in general with the video camera from now on. It's actually much less time consuming and multitasks well into my outdoor adventures. The vids are just my Vblogs though ... not really meant for entertainment.

Would be nice to see some of you pop in from time to time, however understand another link is that last thing some of you need.

Here is the Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxPTWIU8jN0k2OH9h07q9pg

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And here is my fist Vid:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3aF4U6VOAw

Take care guys. ;)

Ponder

09-09-2015, 03:38 PM

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https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5797/20657360444_64eda0b754_b.jpg

It's amazing what a little bit of time off can do. I finally got around to starting a plant collection. Could not think of a better thing to swap for all my things. I am now starting to pick up my old ways of living since spending way less more time on this thing. I do need to keep up my writing, however put a different spin on it. Not to mention post less frequently. Hoping to make a good habit out of that.

The EATING is going well. I am now making my own seaweed wraps with Raw vegg. Finely chopping it all makes it so much more easier to go down and also allows me to feel the texture of the Avo and crushed Nuts:

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5733/21093201219_218bfa1099_z.jpg

Today I go in and see my therapist. Missed an appointment two days ago. I got the day and the month mixed up, unfortunately she did not seem very understanding. I'll try not to play into that too much. She should see just by looking at me that I am doing a lot better. Honestly though, it's been tough to break all my bad habits. This eating no animal products take a bit of skill with regards to keep up nutrition. I seem able thus for and my body only seems to be getting better. I am also identifying trigger foods so much more easily now. Although a 44hour water fast in not considered long ... the build up I did in the last month, the cleansing and then the fast have really fined tuned me if only a small degree. Being able to feel my liver and kidney is very helpful.

I have been learning more about how my past medical issues highlight just how messed up my liver and kidneys are. The liver I can work on, however the Kidney is not so regenerative, or so I have thus far been lead to believe. If only I was taught this stuff much earlier in life. They tell you things are bad and not to do them, but they really don't tell you why. Imagine how the food industry would react if we taught our school kids the truth about what we put into our bodies and made health and well-being the focus of education; as it should be.

Oh well - it's not too late. I also learned how many of my meds have also contributed to taxing my liver and kidney. Everything from an inability to take in and process light to metabolic syndrome and on and on. Med will only be for emergency and crisis situation for me, from this point on.

I will just keep up my walking practice which in itself mixed with meditation and loads of low levle uv sun is more than negating the fear of "OH NO - TOO MUCH SUN!" Sifting through the info is hard because there is so much fear, bias, that leads to an air of right and wrong. I'm just testing myself and going with that. Hence my main topic in my now new vids.

Time for my walk - Think I will go to the library today as well. Have been spending my more time with my wife as well. That has been really good. My wife is also looking and feeling as good as she can be considering the ups and downs with her MS. I just wish I could get her to at least sit in the sun room we have for now. I think she likes the idea of the plants. Although Lisa in still on the animals products, they are all grass fed, devoid of antibiotics and as much reduced poisons as we can get. No packets, no quick fixes, no drive through and all that shit.

It's our therapy and for the most part its working really well.

That's a wrap ... See you all some time early next week. ;)

Thanks for listening.
Dave.

Ps - have not been doing much art and skipped a few classes, but still seeing my mentor friend. Will pick the art up soon enough. Hopefully I will have something on the go when I return. The health changes do come with ups and downs early on ... and atm my eating habits and new lifestyle is very important to my stability ... therfor things like art classes have to be flexible ... that's at least what I am telling myself. The weight is only coming off very slow, but that is good! I can't exercise too much anymore as my CK levels cause my breath to smell, my urine then soon changes color for the worst and then my kidney gets sore. I need to learn more about this. No alarms yet though - let's hope.

Ponder

09-12-2015, 03:00 PM

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The plants have been quite healing for me :)

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/590/20664943824_8f0916de29_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/xu6eQU)

Steady as she goes. Please to report I am still eating healthy, although have slowly been introducing eggs and seafood back into the equation. That decision was based more on fueling my body to stressed itself for a new program I said I was avoiding → Exercise! Unfortunately, I just can't avoid not doing it. I have since learned new methods on how to skirt around my issues with Rhabdomyolysis. If you exercise a lot, you should really check out this condition as it seems to becoming more prevalent withing the exercising community. Basically I really have to time my workouts with extreme care to fueling my muscles, before, after and during ... I also have to avoid being "too" hydrated.

No more repetitive weight training that isolates muscle groups. Negative sets are what really do the damage. I need to stick with circuit training. Exercising the larger muscle groups through a range of movement that avoid short contractions with heavy bearing. Light and easy with extended movements. Just like the food I have been researching in relation to my missing and degenerate organs, creating a work out program specifically catered to my busted physiology is quite a research project.

No Doctors on the Welfare system could come close to providing such a service for me. My records are scattered across the system with a history of comings and goings over at least 70 different locations since I left school and quite a few before that. I worked out the main issues with my hospitalizations. They include:

Hospitalized for:
Brick thrown on my Head @ age 4
Malnutrition - Age 17 (homeless - went in for drug related psychosis come out a week later)
Teen alcohol Poisoning - Age 18-19 about 3 to 4 days
Tonsillitis - Age 22
Rhabdomyolysis - Age 38 (almost died)
Gall Bladder Removal - 40 something
Broken Nose - Hand - and finger (but never went to hospital for those things) Nose busted three times
Busted Teeth -
13 amalgamated (mercury) fillings ("OH no sir ... that's just a conspiracy" - LMFAO - how fucking backwards they were in the 70's - later told is was more dangerous to have them removed)
Chemical Poisoning - Factory & Field Worker - (was exposed to copious amounts of toxins and sprays - once had a plane chase me out of a field!!!)
Acid Burns - (tanning factory) Be man and work on buddy - lack of proactive gear
Burnt Lungs - Acid and chemical exposure
Adult Dermatitis - (re the above)
Sinus issues - Lack of 02 during the nights (cognitive related issue ensue) (dry mouth related issues)
Osphogitus
Reflux
High Blood Acid levels
OBESITY
Medication related issues (inducing the above - Metabolic Syndrome and on and on)

The list goes on ... but it all counts ... something doctors really don't have time for. They will just do a blood test and base your condition in the results of that.

There were other times I went to hospital, but I can't remember them all. Those being the main ones have given my a lot to on - without the need for a simple blood test to gauge where my body is at. The old blood test scenario is not all that it's cracked up to be. So many times I have had a doc look at those results and say "NOPE"nothing wrong! YET - there has been plenty wrong!

So it that the I take pride in using GOOGLE to self DX myself and work from there. Designing a new program based on my history seems very much the ticket. I am just glad that I can at least remember the major impacts. It does help to remember as much as one can. I really fucked up my Liver and Kidneys!!! and do doubt my Brain and a few other important things. Cognitive is something else the docs will miss DX - the fuckheads ask you to count to 10 and like the blood test complacency, will tell you - Nope your alright, when you know your really not.
____________________________________

Sorry to go on ... it's all part of my own analysis to recover my health. Planning a diet and fitness regime and all that. Some of us are not meant to live as long as we do. ... based on education level, status and blood lines you know. LOL

ARRRRRR - Is all good. Just got to keep moving and stop myself from ceasing up. Old before my time, but who is not in places like these. Look how quick the kids are chewing through their own steam these days. They seem to be writing themselves off before the age of 20 these days. Anything over 25 qualifies as BEWARE!!! Do not trust. Those in their 30's are old bitter cronies and the rest are just stifle old fucks. Hahahahaha ...

Forgive me. Just having a bit of fun. I have been surfing a few other Anxiety sites and boy oh boy, the hitting out between the age bracket is quite a mess. I put in a few hints and tips, but just way too old to be of any help or for others to trust. Is so sad how young and how quick such victims regress when being labels. How quick and hard we cling to those labels and make our own beds.

I kind of sit back and just look at all the mess - so many are so blinded it's almost useless trying to help. Almost. Each have their own story full of regret.

Anyways - not to be selfish ... but I am into salvaging what is left.

Will put the rest in a vid when I am able to do. I'm a little stressed with more cognitive limitations affecting my speech ... but is good for me to try the vids for things like that. Graduated exposure helps.

Time for breaky and then on with the routine after that.

Wishing anyone reading this all the best in what they choose to do.

I am thus far breathing much better - I am taking control and doing it MYSELF!!!

Ponder

09-12-2015, 05:23 PM

Hey - This was an really great Podcast. Highlights just how instinctive we really are in the West - How Self absorbed we have become. If there is no personal gain or incentive for us, we remain apathetic to all those around us. Also made me feel just how petty our problems are that we go on about in here.

The UN is just as sick as the rest of the world, however hope can be found in as much as finding reason to live:

A world Built On (http://tunein.com/topic/?topicId=89944888)Empathy
You'll probably have to sign up to listen ... It's a really good online service. TuneIn Radio.

needtogetwell

09-18-2015, 10:26 PM

Hi Dave,
I know we haven't spoken much lately. Just wanted you to know that Scott passed away on Thursday September 17th.

I hope all is well with you
Pam

Im-Suffering

09-19-2015, 06:00 PM

Im still popping in every so often.

Im so sorry Pam

Small prayer -

Love and light Scott

Saints of God, come to Scotts aid; Come to meet him, angels of the Lord.
Eternal rest give unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him.

Amen

I see love all around you Pam, to keep you safe.

needtogetwell

09-19-2015, 06:20 PM

Thank you Marc.

You are right, there is much love around me, and the greatest love of my life is still with me, with every breath I take.

His physical body may be gone, but his spirit is here. I know that and he is guiding me through every moment of every day.

JohnC

09-19-2015, 07:35 PM

Nice prayer Marc

Dahila

09-19-2015, 07:59 PM

Dave knows Pam, I had send him a message here, if he comes he will see it.

Ponder

09-23-2015, 05:35 PM

I am here Pam. TY Dahila.

I can not adaquatly comment right now ...
But please know that you will be on my mind all of today, till I get home and find tbe space to better share as best I can.

I am truly srry Pam.

I write again soon.

Ponder

09-24-2015, 03:05 AM

Honestly Pam, there is not much I can say, other than to share inline with Marc's sentiments. I'm srry if this seems rather lacking. I don't mind sharing in here if you have anything to say, however I can only imagine space must be on the agenda for you now? From what you were saying before, your work sounded very supportive.

Ponder

10-02-2015, 03:32 PM

_______________
_

Alone NoT Lonely:

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/695/21905497991_85c1f92321_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/znHpnR)

Learning to sit with myself, before sitting with others. The place to start, when looking to build confidence.
Fear quickly fades as acceptance falls into place. The world becomes colorful once more.
What matters is less about people places and things.

needtogetwell

10-02-2015, 04:00 PM

You know I have always found I could be alone but not lonely.

It's a whole new game now. I am alone and lonely. Hopefully I will get back to that place.

Ponder

10-02-2015, 04:41 PM

Hi Pam. I can see an edit now that you mention it. "Quickly" is a term best left out. Time I guess is a much more realistic term.

Nice to read you again. I'm going to start posting again.
Thinking of you all.
Back Soon.

Ponder

10-03-2015, 03:45 AM

I still see things are pretty much the same in here. Others telling others what to say and how to think, how they know what all the answers are and how they hold all the keys. (was the some over at the SAS forum ... worse actually :) ) It's such a relief to give up talking like so. It's far easier to go with "I don't know." If only more people painted their own pictures and expressed more how they feel, rather than sell. I this and I that - I went to such and such and I bla bla bla ... In short, I pretty much know, and you do not!
__________________________________________________ _____

BUT - to use such a term - that serves me well, I will ride with words that others think are red, when I think them as blue. That is why others would do well to talk about what they themselves see, instead of what they think others read, not just what they read on the net. Words need more feeling, expressed from the authors soul. Not some dry edumacated sap dribbling all over the place. - Indeed, these places are rife with know it alls.
____

So ... how to set the scene, now that I'm attempting to roll.

I don't know ...

Give me a sec while I tune in ... BRB

Ponder

10-03-2015, 04:32 AM

BUT ... Let's not allow such dogmatic forum posts to ruin the mood. Here is something that can not be disputed, that needs no validation, nor adoration:

The following is something I captured with the intent to share ... now I am not alone. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxjVseV5HZ8&feature=youtu.be

Im-Suffering

10-03-2015, 09:27 AM

Pam, love and light hon. I know theres no consolation for the pain and longing. but....be sure to feel it, let it overwhelm you, as it comes, because inside the hurt is insight. Oh, is it hard to let myself feel sometimes, and often I 'explode' into tears because i cant contain it. I dont know what the hell to say anymore, other than this is a learning journey. I do know the tears are not only current, but i cry for my whole life, the times i couldnt. and this may just be the reason for anxiety to begin with. the suppression. but when will it end?

Now that is a good lead up to this: because everything ive learned thus far may have prepared me for the following:

I have a question. I seem to have stumbled into a woman, I joined Match (admittedly as a joke) and to alleviate the loneliness i thought if anything a distraction. healthy? i dont know.

So, here comes this woman, who just might be the most incredible person ive ever met. Heres the problem.. my whole situation in the past 2 months has flared up the anxiety to such a point, that im literally afraid to meet her, if even for a movie or dinner. Im assuming its a trigger to heal something in me. But, when Im on the phone with her, Oh do I laugh and have fun. Ive become trapped in agoraphobia again.

Anyone have any advice ?

Dave got your email, good to see you my brother, I just figured Id respond here for the moment.

Pam, peace be with you

Davit

10-03-2015, 11:31 AM

How bad do you want to meet this woman, She is probably just as scared. Don't add things to your fear, you are just friends meeting. I've done this twice, the things you fear take care of themselves. If it flows smooth on the phone why not in person. Agoraphobia or not I'd do it again. I imagine you know each other well by now.
Contrary to belief there are nice people on those sites, just sometimes not compatible.

Ponder

10-03-2015, 01:45 PM

Excuse MR DaviT - Welcome to my thread. Tread lightly. I don't like the way you have spoken to one of my friends and I don't care for your TELLING ways. Basically I don't like you much and I think it shows well. The friendships built in this space here, have taken quite some time. Disrespect that, and your presence here ... will be a rather unsettling one. If encouraged, I will simply start another thread and no doubt my friends will follow and if you persist, you will just look like a dick!

Nice to meet you too. Moving on:

HEY MARC! Just heading out the door for my morning routine. Look forward to being back soon. It's really great to see you again.
Thanks Pam. You know what I mean.

Back soon My Friends.

Dahila... I hope you are well ... I have a pic just for you ... remember DaveK ... post that when you are back.

PS ... I hope you are well John ... You too Jesse

Forgive me if have forgot someone. Just making a quick edit before heading out my door. I good to be back :)

Davit

10-03-2015, 01:52 PM

No problem Ponder, it is all yours. I suppose you are talking NMP. I will not answer any threads you are obviously on. But I would like to know who you are talking about since I don't have enemies here.

needtogetwell

10-03-2015, 02:48 PM

Hey Marc,
Thanks for the thoughts. A struggle doesn't even begin to describe my existence now. Trust me, I'm putting my waterproof mascara to one hell of a test right now.

I'm glad for you to have met a lady that makes you laugh. That is so important. If I may offer you a suggestion. Go at the pace that feels right for you, if it's just talking on the phone for now then so be it. Maybe some point down the road you will be ready for coffee or lunch with her, both of those activities are of relatively short duration, maybe a walk in the park. Fall is upon us and the leaves around your place are beginning to turn too. Again, nothing too time consuming lest you wish to extend the time together.

If it were me I would hold off on anything like dinner or a movie, too much time involved and is really awkward if you feel the need to get back to your home and what you must feel is your safe place.

Take it a baby steps, if she is good for you she will go at your pace.

Cheers my friend!

Im-Suffering

10-03-2015, 04:22 PM

Thank you !

Much love, I am with you in spirit, as best I can be.

Dave, I love you too my brother, for the rest of time. Maybe we can meet closer geographically in the next sojourn and become good friends that last a whole life.

I dont know what the rest of this life will bring for any of us, but i do know that if we believe in magic anything is possible. (hi Dana)

jessed03

10-03-2015, 05:13 PM

Hey guys!

Good to see everyone, and good to see a bit of energy in this thread again! It's the only one I really check out now.

Marc, sounds like a super exciting experience awaits you when you're ready. I met up with a lady I met online, and it was an incredible thing. Sadly my breakdown happened shortly after so we weren't able to work long term, but it was definitely great for my spiritual growth, just taking that leap of faith and trusting things will work out. Hope you find where this sudden influx of anxiety stems from and manage to heal some wounds.

Dave, dude, I guess summer's upon you now? I must confess I'm gonna get a little jealous. I don't mind winter weather, but the darkness does get me down sometimes. We're about to change the clocks, and that's when it all starts to kick in. Hope you managed to take something from the SAS forums. I used to read them occasionally, but have never signed up to post.

And Pam, it's nice to see you here, away from the craziness of Facebook. I know you're probably so sick of hearing this by now, but I do hope you're doing ok. I do check out this thread often, so if ever you wanna vent or blurt stuff out, I'm always reading so feel free to do so. :)

And Davit, not sure if you're gonna be hanging around here, but hey anyway. I've seen you around here, though haven't been reading too many threads.

Im-Suffering

10-03-2015, 05:16 PM

Jess ....:)

Ponder

10-03-2015, 06:11 PM

Hi Jess - I hear ya Marc. I just need to do something before I can respond.

Off to create a new thread. They don't call this sub section "Social Phobia" for nothing and I could use some new space.

Dahila

10-03-2015, 10:33 PM

Hey everyone, I am good, I am thinking about Pam and sending good vibes to her all the time, but she know it. Today I thought about Dave, :)) good to see you back. Marc it is the best , you will overcome the fear and be happy again, and I will be right again.:)
I love to be right.........Jesse I had seen you joking with Eman, even I do not frequent any places beside business oriented. I mean soap making and cosmetics crafters businesses.
I am happy to see you all :)) I miss you guys

needtogetwell

10-04-2015, 04:45 AM

Gee, I hate it when you write a good long reply and it doesn't post.

So Jesse, here I go again, to reply to you.

Doing ok is a matter of degrees. The truth is I do ok for short periods of time, but overall I'm not doing so ok.

I am floundering to create a new normal. I know it is still early but the emptiness is really quite overwhelming. It is 6:25 in the morning and I woke up sobbing yet again.

When you love as deeply as we did, the cost of that love is horrific pain. It's a fact of life. Not so dissimilar to an unexpected break up of a relationship but without the hope of reconciliation. Marc, I don't mean to play down what you have been through, it too is traumatic and trust me, I feel the pain, shock and disillusionment you must have felt in the early days.

I am however a survivor, I won't wallow in self pity, that serves no purpose. I believe the people who cross our paths do so for a reason, we are meant to learn something from every one. Scott taught me how to love, and how a truly great relationship can better you in the long run. He brought out the softer side of me, the harsh, jaded, somewhat selfish person that I was rarely comes out any more. Because of him I learned compassion and empathy, and that is why I have been able to help many here.

I am not ready to help people here at this point, I have a lot of work to do to help myself. I still have the ability to help my friends, but further than that I just don't have the brain power or inclination to deal with much of the self imposed hell that people here put themselves through here. You guys know the ones, those who continuously whine but do nothing to help themselves. I suppose it's the same with anything, in order to get the results you are looking for you have to put in some effort to find what works for you.

So I continue to search for my new normal, Justin, the dogs and the cat are also searching, I suppose we are all on the journey together.

That's it for now my friends,

Cheers!