22:57
03-05-2015, 04:27 PM
I literally just joined this site because I'm feeling a little bit lost and need a hand...
I'll try to keep this as short as possible! Just in case I fail: tl;dr I'm moving out of my parents home to live with my boyfriend in 3 months at the other end of the country, but want to talk to someone (a counselor, psychiatrist, a professional?) about my anxiety, not sure how to go about it on my own, I'm 16.
I've had anxiety problems for as long as I can remember. I always passed them off and pretended it wasn't a problem at all, but I think I've managed to stop being a stubborn child now and can admit it's a very very big problem in my life and always has been.
Anxiety has stopped me from getting a proper education. Ever since I started school I had an odd fear of it, I think it was the fear of being somewhere new and that just snowballed into a fear of school itself. It became such a large problem that I would refuse to go into school for months at a time, and I would have very extreme panic attacks every school night just thinking about having to go in (I would have to lock myself in the bathroom as it was my "safe place", I would be convinced I was dying, or that my mother was going to kill me even though she's the sweetest mother on earth. I would sit in there for about 2 hours having a panic attack screaming and crying.) I would be dragged into school by my ankles and have strange official looking people come into my home to tell me my parents will go to jail if I don't agree to go to school. That has been the largest problem of my anxiety. If anyone is wondering, I'm studying for 4 gcse's 3 days a week for 2 hours a day in a tuition centre now.
Anxiety also troubles me in day to day life, I find it very hard to talk to new people. I think I'm really bad at holding a conversation and tend to beat myself up about how badly the interaction went afterwards. I don't have friends, well I have one, but I see him once every few months.
I need a job to be able to live with my boyfriend, but every job I've had I've become so ill with my anxieties that I end up having to quit. Saying that, my first job was awful. My second job wasn't bad, I was a cleaner and oddly had a decent wage, but I had to quit because I was too anxious to go in and would throw up from being so anxious about going in.
I have to travel by train for 5ish hours to see my boyfriend who lives on the other side of the country. I have to go through London's ever so busy travel systems to get there. Every time I go, I get very anxious the night before making it hard to sleep, then in the morning I find myself feeling very very sick and having to use the loo a lot (tmi? sorry) and I'm shaking. I always push myself to go though.
At his I tend to have to fight off panic attacks because it's a new place, which gives me panic attacks. Luckily, with years of experience of the worst panic attacks I know how to fend them off usually.. But recently I haven't been able to and it's been quite odd.
Last time I was at his, coming back home on the train was a bit awful. I took one of his anxiety pills (I know I probably shouldn't, but they're the kind that most people get prescribed, I don't know the name of them), I think they worked on me a bit funny, maybe because my anxiety is so severe? I ended up having a panic attack on the train, I had to throw up in the train's toilet. On the next train I had to catch I had another panic attack, this time it was weird because I only had the physical traits of the panic attack but not the mental which I think was the med's fault.
What I'm saying here is, everything gives me anxiety and I think I'm finally fed up of living with it this severely. I don't want meds, I want to talk it out with someone. I have a lot of stuff bottled up that I want to get out. How the f*** do I do this when I'm moving out in 3 months?
I'll try to keep this as short as possible! Just in case I fail: tl;dr I'm moving out of my parents home to live with my boyfriend in 3 months at the other end of the country, but want to talk to someone (a counselor, psychiatrist, a professional?) about my anxiety, not sure how to go about it on my own, I'm 16.
I've had anxiety problems for as long as I can remember. I always passed them off and pretended it wasn't a problem at all, but I think I've managed to stop being a stubborn child now and can admit it's a very very big problem in my life and always has been.
Anxiety has stopped me from getting a proper education. Ever since I started school I had an odd fear of it, I think it was the fear of being somewhere new and that just snowballed into a fear of school itself. It became such a large problem that I would refuse to go into school for months at a time, and I would have very extreme panic attacks every school night just thinking about having to go in (I would have to lock myself in the bathroom as it was my "safe place", I would be convinced I was dying, or that my mother was going to kill me even though she's the sweetest mother on earth. I would sit in there for about 2 hours having a panic attack screaming and crying.) I would be dragged into school by my ankles and have strange official looking people come into my home to tell me my parents will go to jail if I don't agree to go to school. That has been the largest problem of my anxiety. If anyone is wondering, I'm studying for 4 gcse's 3 days a week for 2 hours a day in a tuition centre now.
Anxiety also troubles me in day to day life, I find it very hard to talk to new people. I think I'm really bad at holding a conversation and tend to beat myself up about how badly the interaction went afterwards. I don't have friends, well I have one, but I see him once every few months.
I need a job to be able to live with my boyfriend, but every job I've had I've become so ill with my anxieties that I end up having to quit. Saying that, my first job was awful. My second job wasn't bad, I was a cleaner and oddly had a decent wage, but I had to quit because I was too anxious to go in and would throw up from being so anxious about going in.
I have to travel by train for 5ish hours to see my boyfriend who lives on the other side of the country. I have to go through London's ever so busy travel systems to get there. Every time I go, I get very anxious the night before making it hard to sleep, then in the morning I find myself feeling very very sick and having to use the loo a lot (tmi? sorry) and I'm shaking. I always push myself to go though.
At his I tend to have to fight off panic attacks because it's a new place, which gives me panic attacks. Luckily, with years of experience of the worst panic attacks I know how to fend them off usually.. But recently I haven't been able to and it's been quite odd.
Last time I was at his, coming back home on the train was a bit awful. I took one of his anxiety pills (I know I probably shouldn't, but they're the kind that most people get prescribed, I don't know the name of them), I think they worked on me a bit funny, maybe because my anxiety is so severe? I ended up having a panic attack on the train, I had to throw up in the train's toilet. On the next train I had to catch I had another panic attack, this time it was weird because I only had the physical traits of the panic attack but not the mental which I think was the med's fault.
What I'm saying here is, everything gives me anxiety and I think I'm finally fed up of living with it this severely. I don't want meds, I want to talk it out with someone. I have a lot of stuff bottled up that I want to get out. How the f*** do I do this when I'm moving out in 3 months?