ladydancer
03-04-2015, 09:47 PM
Basically, and to cut a very long story short, I was diagnosed with several forms of anxiety when I was in my late teens early twenties (you could say I was a "tween", as much as I hate that term). But it was when I got to university that I got the bigger shock.... severe dyslexia and previously undiagnosed ADHD, on top of that I have Irlen syndrome. Yeah, I have it all!
I have dealt with the anxiety for almost 12 years, but as soon as I found out at university that I have all of these other things going on, it hit me hard. I always got good grades in school, but knew I could do better if i could have just gotten over my fear of exams and testing in general. A bit of background here... all through school and into my early 20's I was a professional dancer, actress and choreographer. I never had to endure any exam for my dance, it was based on practical ability to teach, not the theoretical side. I froze on stage in the middle of a performance one day, and ran off stage crying my heart out because I knew I had let everyone down..... but I didn't stop crying. It was a week later when the doctor was called that i actually got myself out of bed to go and talk to him. His answer was to fill me with drugs.... my mum got him out of the house fast.
Anyway, fast forward roughly 10 years from my mum controlling my life, and I finally accepted that I needed help after my dad's second turn with cancer and with me just being back at uni, and being the only person that could look after him in the day because my mum was then the main earner... I moved in with my man... finally.... but all is still not well.
My parents have accepted that I have my own problems and my life to lead, but I am the only child of 3 left in the area. Even when I lived away for 4 years I made sure I phoned them both every day, but yet they do more for my younger brother (a multi-millionnaire) and my older sister (a police officer), and neither of them make the effort to visit from London unless they think one of them is about to die. Personally, I think that's disgraceful behaviour from the pair of them. But, then, I'm the sister, that's me. But then when i really think about it, my sister has only ever been back to North Wales to visit my mum when she was in hospital, she won't even let me skype her children (my nieces). But that's my sister for you, it's always HER first, parents and siblings later, even more so when it comes to me. Thanks Sis! You're a model parent to your children! *slow clap*
My main concern at the moment is that at work, I have a deputy manager that I spend most of my shifts with, yet he told our much higher bosses than our line manager that his "social anxiety" is made worse by doing paperwork, not by dealing with customers. Now, I've had this issue for years, mine is more to do with performance and public speaking, but this guy, I feel is really trying to milk the "social" anxiety angle. Baring in mind he was in his current position for a year before he recommended me for a job, and he has been in the betting industry for a total of 4 years, it has never been an issue for him until I started working there and had to tell him, more than several times, to stop shouting at me when i got something wrong the first time i did it. He would, no lie, actually yell full voice at me. Then one day I snapped back and reminded him of his "social anxiety", and also reminded him of my learning difficulties. He was that adamant one day that there was only one way for me to work something out that he looked at my, much more, simplified version, and told me "it's wrong, you're wrong, why can you never get anything right K? Are you that fucking stupid and retarded?"
Needless to say i went for the jugular with him. He said that to me in front of customers, I waited for a much quieter time and told him exactly what i thought of his management skills, or lack there of. I didn't hold anything back. Since then, and after I told our 'big wigs' that my doctor had requested a meeting with them at their convenience, all of a sudden this "deputy manager's" anxiety was a problem because he had to do the paperwork he should have been doing that I had been doing for 6 months. He even went as far as to say that our manager was doing rotas unfairly, despite the fact that she was doing them months in advance (i'm talking 4 months) so that if there were any issues then you could tell her and she would sort it...ooohhhh no... he wouldn't do that, he would tell me, like it was MY fault and that I should sort it. He still does it now.
I guess what I want to know is, is locking yourself away and burying you head in paperwork that takes 5 mins easier for people with social anxiety or not? Right now I'm failing to see how it could cause more stress than dealing with members of the public.
I have dealt with the anxiety for almost 12 years, but as soon as I found out at university that I have all of these other things going on, it hit me hard. I always got good grades in school, but knew I could do better if i could have just gotten over my fear of exams and testing in general. A bit of background here... all through school and into my early 20's I was a professional dancer, actress and choreographer. I never had to endure any exam for my dance, it was based on practical ability to teach, not the theoretical side. I froze on stage in the middle of a performance one day, and ran off stage crying my heart out because I knew I had let everyone down..... but I didn't stop crying. It was a week later when the doctor was called that i actually got myself out of bed to go and talk to him. His answer was to fill me with drugs.... my mum got him out of the house fast.
Anyway, fast forward roughly 10 years from my mum controlling my life, and I finally accepted that I needed help after my dad's second turn with cancer and with me just being back at uni, and being the only person that could look after him in the day because my mum was then the main earner... I moved in with my man... finally.... but all is still not well.
My parents have accepted that I have my own problems and my life to lead, but I am the only child of 3 left in the area. Even when I lived away for 4 years I made sure I phoned them both every day, but yet they do more for my younger brother (a multi-millionnaire) and my older sister (a police officer), and neither of them make the effort to visit from London unless they think one of them is about to die. Personally, I think that's disgraceful behaviour from the pair of them. But, then, I'm the sister, that's me. But then when i really think about it, my sister has only ever been back to North Wales to visit my mum when she was in hospital, she won't even let me skype her children (my nieces). But that's my sister for you, it's always HER first, parents and siblings later, even more so when it comes to me. Thanks Sis! You're a model parent to your children! *slow clap*
My main concern at the moment is that at work, I have a deputy manager that I spend most of my shifts with, yet he told our much higher bosses than our line manager that his "social anxiety" is made worse by doing paperwork, not by dealing with customers. Now, I've had this issue for years, mine is more to do with performance and public speaking, but this guy, I feel is really trying to milk the "social" anxiety angle. Baring in mind he was in his current position for a year before he recommended me for a job, and he has been in the betting industry for a total of 4 years, it has never been an issue for him until I started working there and had to tell him, more than several times, to stop shouting at me when i got something wrong the first time i did it. He would, no lie, actually yell full voice at me. Then one day I snapped back and reminded him of his "social anxiety", and also reminded him of my learning difficulties. He was that adamant one day that there was only one way for me to work something out that he looked at my, much more, simplified version, and told me "it's wrong, you're wrong, why can you never get anything right K? Are you that fucking stupid and retarded?"
Needless to say i went for the jugular with him. He said that to me in front of customers, I waited for a much quieter time and told him exactly what i thought of his management skills, or lack there of. I didn't hold anything back. Since then, and after I told our 'big wigs' that my doctor had requested a meeting with them at their convenience, all of a sudden this "deputy manager's" anxiety was a problem because he had to do the paperwork he should have been doing that I had been doing for 6 months. He even went as far as to say that our manager was doing rotas unfairly, despite the fact that she was doing them months in advance (i'm talking 4 months) so that if there were any issues then you could tell her and she would sort it...ooohhhh no... he wouldn't do that, he would tell me, like it was MY fault and that I should sort it. He still does it now.
I guess what I want to know is, is locking yourself away and burying you head in paperwork that takes 5 mins easier for people with social anxiety or not? Right now I'm failing to see how it could cause more stress than dealing with members of the public.