the need for expression???

[azure drake ATM]

Greetings.

The fact that I have been contemplating the idea of self expression indicates to me that I need to do better at it. But with all things related to emotions and connecting with people it is a very difficult thing to get my head wrapped around.

Most recently I am considering giving my wife dancing lessons for her birthday. She wishes we danced, but I don't understand dancing. While thinking about dancing I began to wonder what dancing really is. When I thought about dancing as a form of artistic expression I was drawn to another facet of my existence that has given me some grief, my ability to express myself at all.

I have read that the ability to express oneself is a healthy thing and my wife has let me know that she wishes I were more open (she even claims that there is something specific that I refuse to mention, though I have always professed that there isn't) I personally have noticed that much of the time my ability to engage someone in conversation is very weak. Even my forum posts and FB posts get very few respondents.

I tend to take life very "matter of fact" -ly. Life is what it is and it really doesn't care how I feel about things. A car is a car, i may think its nice or a jalopy but it is still just a car. People get sad or people get happy regardless of how i feel about it. So when someone mentions a point of view, I accept it as just that, their point of view. It has nothing to do with my view just as mine has nothing to do with their's. This obviously does nothing to encourage conversation. Why should I need to mention the way I feel about it? I have no use for an argument or a heated discussion or even hearty agreement. I'm smart enough to see their side of things most of the time and if I can't and ask for clarification I typically end up with an exasperated person who regrets beginning the conversation with me.

So what is there that needs expressing? The world as I see it doesn't evoke strong emotions and opinions in me. I think I have some need for expression but I have no idea what needs to be expressed. My emotional state? I've been told its easy enough to read in my body language. Should i espouse my social and political views? I really don't care for it when others do, honestly I try to ignore it. Do I need to express my less than energetic feelings about some piece of entertainment or life experience?

So here I am with a desire to express something and not possessing anything I am sure needs shared. Your feedback is appreciated.

P.s. I have considered that I may have a fear of opening up because i may be ridiculed or made fun of. While i admit that this may play a part(as anyone who deals with people must), it does not address the fact that I have nothing that is screaming inside to be let out.

[Goomba]

Greetings.

The fact that I have been contemplating the idea of self expression indicates to me that I need to do better at it. But with all things related to emotions and connecting with people it is a very difficult thing to get my head wrapped around.

Most recently I am considering giving my wife dancing lessons for her birthday. She wishes we danced, but I don't understand dancing. While thinking about dancing I began to wonder what dancing really is. When I thought about dancing as a form of artistic expression I was drawn to another facet of my existence that has given me some grief, my ability to express myself at all.

I have read that the ability to express oneself is a healthy thing and my wife has let me know that she wishes I were more open (she even claims that there is something specific that I refuse to mention, though I have always professed that there isn't) I personally have noticed that much of the time my ability to engage someone in conversation is very weak. Even my forum posts and FB posts get very few respondents.

I tend to take life very "matter of fact" -ly. Life is what it is and it really doesn't care how I feel about things. A car is a car, i may think its nice or a jalopy but it is still just a car. People get sad or people get happy regardless of how i feel about it. So when someone mentions a point of view, I accept it as just that, their point of view. It has nothing to do with my view just as mine has nothing to do with their's. This obviously does nothing to encourage conversation. Why should I need to mention the way I feel about it? I have no use for an argument or a heated discussion or even hearty agreement. I'm smart enough to see their side of things most of the time and if I can't and ask for clarification I typically end up with an exasperated person who regrets beginning the conversation with me.

So what is there that needs expressing? The world as I see it doesn't evoke strong emotions and opinions in me. I think I have some need for expression but I have no idea what needs to be expressed. My emotional state? I've been told its easy enough to read in my body language. Should i espouse my social and political views? I really don't care for it when others do, honestly I try to ignore it. Do I need to express my less than energetic feelings about some piece of entertainment or life experience?

So here I am with a desire to express something and not possessing anything I am sure needs shared. Your feedback is appreciated.

P.s. I have considered that I may have a fear of opening up because i may be ridiculed or made fun of. While i admit that this may play a part(as anyone who deals with people must), it does not address the fact that I have nothing that is screaming inside to be let out.

Expressing yourself isn't necessarily about letting out that built up, or "screaming", part of yourself.

It doesn't have to be an intellectual debate or a difference of opinion.

It's about allowing yourself to be yourself. Lol, you have expressed yourself in this post, maybe without realizing it. The content you posted is you. You come across, to me, as literal and logical, and there is nothing wrong with that. You don't need to express yourself for the sake of others. What you should pay attention to is your reasoning for posting here. Is it solely not knowing to express yourself, or is this post an expression that somehow vents for another issue?

You talk about connection quite a bit. Is it that you feel that expressing yourself will help you connect more intimately with others? Maybe lack of social intimacy (not necessarily romantic, though it could be) is the bigger picture?

All conjecture, of course.

So what is there that needs expressing? The world as I see it doesn't evoke strong emotions and opinions in me. I think I have some need for expression but I have no idea what needs to be expressed. My emotional state? I've been told its easy enough to read in my body language. Should i espouse my social and political views? I really don't care for it when others do, honestly I try to ignore it. Do I need to express my less than energetic feelings about some piece of entertainment or life experience?

These points aren't necessarily expressing yourself, they are just conversation pieces. Unless you have a need to communicate them, why do it? Again - this hints towards looking to be able to connect with other people better, as bringing up these talking points with someone who is interested in this material could manage a conversation. But, if you share no interest in them, then it is not expressing yourself,

Expressing yourself is being yourself. Communicating who you are, not unlike how you communicated your thought processes in this post. A huge area of my expression is music, and creating things in general. I find that when I am physically creating the dreams in my head I am manifesting a bit of myself into the environment. It is an expression. Something else that helps me is just having an overall solid awareness of who I am, my feelings, my emotional state, etc, and the ability to communicate that to others.

I do find that often times my viewpoints, perspectives, and so forth are "ahead" (As in people don't even think of it) of, or conflicting to others. But, that is fine. I don't need to express myself to everyone, there are a select few that I can exchange deeply with.

On an ending note, I do believe that it is essential to allow yourself to be expressed in one way or another. It is how you learn about yourself and the world. Without self expression there is little growth...similar to how an individual can have the mind of genius, but without action, nothing comes of it. I don't think you're as far away from expressing yourself as you think you are. Try not to take it too literally. Just be yourself, and you will be alright.

[azure drake ATM]

Thank you for your reply



It doesn't have to be an intellectual debate or a difference of
You talk about connection quite a bit. Is it that you feel that expressing yourself will help you connect more intimately with others? Maybe lack of social intimacy (not necessarily romantic, though it could be) is the bigger picture?


I would agree with your insight that I have a desire to connect more intimately with the people in my life. This desire is indeed a triggering event for considering taking my wife to dancing classes (again, she likes dancing, i really don't understand it)

This lack of connection may have led me to question my expressiveness. "what is it about my expressiveness that is failing to achieve the connection I desire?" I also realize that it flows the other way and my ability to receive or be responsive to others communications and expressions has a function in regards to my ability to connect with others. However, when someone says, "I had a good/bad day" and my only thought in response is "you are telling me you had a good/bad day." it obviously fails to achieve connection. I'm smart enough to realize that sometimes this is meant as an opener statement, but it doesn't make me think that you are holding back something waiting for me. If you wanted to tell me, you would.

I suppose this leads to the even deeper enigma of what does it mean to connect with someone. Is it feeling what they feel? I don't understand how to do that. Is it understanding what they are feeling? I am confident i can guess how people are feeling (or perhaps not now that it comes to it) is it thinking what they are thinking? Maybe we are too much individuals to ever really do these things, each of us uniquely shaped by our own experiences.

So what does it mean to connect with someone? Based on what i have experienced I'm not sure I can speak to this idea with any authority in the least.

[danielhermanson]

Hi,

The need to express comes from inside and many people doesn't feel that need. Just like me, you and many people, we don't feel like expressing our feelings to others and this doesn't mean that there is something wrong with us, it is just the way we are, our personality. I don't think that you can learn how to be more expressive if this doesn't come from inside.

And personally I don't want to learn to be someone else, because I am fine with the way I am and so should you. Let expressive people to be expressive and you be just the way you are. This is how I do it every day and I let everybody to do their thing.

Hope this helps,

Take Care!

[Goomba]

"what is it about my expressiveness that is failing to achieve the connection I desire?"

I'm not sure that is the right question, at least not immediately.

I think the first steps are: What does connection mean to me? Why do I have a desire for more connection? How does connection already exist in my life?

Then explore how your expressiveness may contribute to that.

Which, I guess as I'm re-reading your post, you touched a bit on the above questions. Personally, I think connection is something that evolves through natural, pure, and honest interaction. No judgment, no anxiety about the what the right thing to say is, just a flowing give and take that occurs between two people. It is letting your guards down, allowing yourself to trust and be "free". Naturally, this isn't going to happen with everyone, so connections won't always form.

I also think that if you are constantly analyzing whether or not a connection is taking place, you are in a mindset that will not allow a natural connection to form. Instead, what you (when I say you I mean one) form is a guarded, or judgmental relationship.

A meaningful connection doesn't form with questions like, "How was your day?". I think the significance of those comes after a connection is formed, where you can actually develop a genuine curiosity to understand how an individual"s who you are attached to, day went (grammar). Otherwise they are just conversation pieces to lead to a deeper interaction.

Only you will know how connection speaks within you. Take responsibility for your desire to connect. Don't wait for others to take an interest in you, or pry you more, forcing you to find you expressiveness. That probably won't happen, and even if it does, you won't have much more insight to your questions.

Reflect on your desires for intimacy, and take action.