Coping with life changes

[ss_worrier]

So, my MA program is ending and I'm likely continuing on to a PhD. It's what I've dreamed about for years. I fought really hard to achieve this and I rode a euphoric wave of happiness days after getting the news...Until I realized all the life changes it will entail. Specifically regarding my relationship. And life changes of this sort, they take a harder toll on my anxiety than almost anything else.

I don't know what to do and I have to find a way to cope with it all so that I don't go under during my final semester here. I will have to move to a city three hours away for my program and my girlfriend doesn't want to do a long-distance relationship. Doing this PhD really is following my dream and I would be bitter for years and years if I gave it up.

It's not that I wouldn't survive a breakup. In fact I think there are a lot of reasons to end things and I've thought about it myself quite a few times. I also see us drifting apart if we're living in different cities and different contexts altogether.

I have a very strong pragmatic side to me but my anxiety just takes the upper hand for most of the time. I know what is rational and reasonable but I can't embrace it.

Any advice from anyone here? I feel like I'm constantly about to break down and cry and my heart is beating really fast. Negative thoughts and terrible scenarios just keep throwing themselves at me and I can't beat them away. Same old same old, in other words.

[gypsylee]

So, my MA program is ending and I'm likely continuing on to a PhD. It's what I've dreamed about for years. I fought really hard to achieve this and I rode a euphoric wave of happiness days after getting the news...Until I realized all the life changes it will entail. Specifically regarding my relationship. And life changes of this sort, they take a harder toll on my anxiety than almost anything else.

I don't know what to do and I have to find a way to cope with it all so that I don't go under during my final semester here. I will have to move to a city three hours away for my program and my girlfriend doesn't want to do a long-distance relationship. Doing this PhD really is following my dream and I would be bitter for years and years if I gave it up.

It's not that I wouldn't survive a breakup. In fact I think there are a lot of reasons to end things and I've thought about it myself quite a few times. I also see us drifting apart if we're living in different cities and different contexts altogether.

I have a very strong pragmatic side to me but my anxiety just takes the upper hand for most of the time. I know what is rational and reasonable but I can't embrace it.

Any advice from anyone here? I feel like I'm constantly about to break down and cry and my heart is beating really fast. Negative thoughts and terrible scenarios just keep throwing themselves at me and I can't beat them away. Same old same old, in other words.

Hi there :)

In other words, you can't think straight because of your anxiety? The racing heart is enough to cause racing thoughts (and vice versa - it's a vicious circle). Try doing some things that relax the nervous system like deep breathing and exercise. It sounds simplistic but often it's easier to tackle the physical rather than the mental.

You can also do some CBT by writing down the "terrible scenarios" and then writing down more realistic scenarios.

I don't react well to change either, especially in relationships, but I cope with it much better than I think I will. I've stayed in some really shitty relationships simply because I was scared of changing. It sounds like you really want to do the PhD, more than you want to stay in the relationship. So do the PhD :)

All the best..
Gypsy x

[trivedisites]

Hi there :)

In other words, you can't think straight because of your anxiety? The racing heart is enough to cause racing thoughts (and vice versa - it's a vicious circle). Try doing some things that relax the nervous system like deep breathing and exercise. It sounds simplistic but often it's easier to tackle the physical rather than the mental.

You can also do some CBT by writing down the "terrible scenarios" and then writing down more realistic scenarios.

I don't react well to change either, especially in relationships, but I cope with it much better than I think I will. I've stayed in some really shitty relationships simply because I was scared of changing. It sounds like you really want to do the PhD, more than you want to stay in the relationship. So do the PhD :)

All the best..
Gypsy x

I agree. Do what you really want..