Please Help Me!

[Aleasha]

I have suffered from anxiety for the better part of my life and I have absolutely nobody to turn to. Everybody in my life either has tries to help me with religion (I'm an atheist), gets mad at me or blabs what I confide in them. I just can't take it anymore. I need somebody. Anybody. I am desperate to connect with another human being who can actually understand me or at least not get mad at me, bombard me with their religious beliefs or blab everything I tell them in confidence. I'm not asking that much, am I? I just need somebody! Please! I am begging here. I have very serious anxiety, depression and am a cutter. I only cut when I am stressed to my breaking point and I will use absolutely anything sharp I can get my hands on. It's always the inside of my left arm, as I am right handed. I currently have dried bloody wounds and my entire arm is just one big scar. I have EXTREMELY serious hypochondria. There is one thing I fear the most that I think everything is a symptom of, but I'm so scared of it, I can't even say or type the word. All I need is another human being to actually be there for me. Why can't I find that? I literally have nobody to turn to. I try and try and every single time I am shot down with anger. I don't know why I keep trying. I think it's just out of shear desperation for somebody to care about me. This public forum is literally my last hope at even having somebody that understands me. I would love a friend, but I know that is unlikely. I guess I am crying out for help here. Please help me! My anxiety has taken complete control of my life. I don't want people telling me to pray or find "god" or anything like that. I just need a human being. Anybody who can be there for me! I'm so desperate right now. Why is another person so hard to find? Anybody! Please! I am literally begging for another human to talk to. I can no longer control my anxiety and it has complete control of me. Cutting is my only escape from the anger of those around me. I don't want to do it, but I am constantly pushed way past my breaking point. I fear for my life on a daily basis because of my hypochondria. The one thing I fear the most consumes my life. Is there anybody out there? Anybody at all? I need somebody. I can no longer handle the anger of those around me. But, I am so desperate for somebody to talk to.

[StokesM]

Hi Aleasha is their no support groups in your local area? If your serious about getting better i would advise you join one as usually what you say in these groups is kept confidential and they will provide that decent human being contact you are in need of. I will direct you to my on-line support group just encase their is nothing going on locally.

anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?31249-Take-Part-in-an-Anxiety-Social-Learning-Experiment

[NixonRulz]

I have suffered from anxiety for the better part of my life and I have absolutely nobody to turn to. Everybody in my life either has tries to help me with religion (I'm an atheist), gets mad at me or blabs what I confide in them. I just can't take it anymore. I need somebody. Anybody. I am desperate to connect with another human being who can actually understand me or at least not get mad at me, bombard me with their religious beliefs or blab everything I tell them in confidence. I'm not asking that much, am I? I just need somebody! Please! I am begging here. I have very serious anxiety, depression and am a cutter. I only cut when I am stressed to my breaking point and I will use absolutely anything sharp I can get my hands on. It's always the inside of my left arm, as I am right handed. I currently have dried bloody wounds and my entire arm is just one big scar. I have EXTREMELY serious hypochondria. There is one thing I fear the most that I think everything is a symptom of, but I'm so scared of it, I can't even say or type the word. All I need is another human being to actually be there for me. Why can't I find that? I literally have nobody to turn to. I try and try and every single time I am shot down with anger. I don't know why I keep trying. I think it's just out of shear desperation for somebody to care about me. This public forum is literally my last hope at even having somebody that understands me. I would love a friend, but I know that is unlikely. I guess I am crying out for help here. Please help me! My anxiety has taken complete control of my life. I don't want people telling me to pray or find "god" or anything like that. I just need a human being. Anybody who can be there for me! I'm so desperate right now. Why is another person so hard to find? Anybody! Please! I am literally begging for another human to talk to. I can no longer control my anxiety and it has complete control of me. Cutting is my only escape from the anger of those around me. I don't want to do it, but I am constantly pushed way past my breaking point. I fear for my life on a daily basis because of my hypochondria. The one thing I fear the most consumes my life. Is there anybody out there? Anybody at all? I need somebody. I can no longer handle the anger of those around me. But, I am so desperate for somebody to talk to.

Hi, Alesha - and welcome here

You don't sound so different than many people here. We are a group that are just wired a bit different from what some consider "normal"

I am not going to tell you to pray nor will I blab to anyone about what you are saying. Hell, I even may qualify as a "human" you are looking to speak to.

Hypochondria just sucks. Had years of those lovely obsessive thoughts.

The only thing you need to do to break those thoughts of dooming health is to change your thinking. I do understand that statement sounds really easy to most people but people like us have to put some effort into it.

Let's break it down in pretty simple terms.

You have an anxiety disorder which is the start of the whole cycle. Now I do not know how or why you have this disorder but for now, let's not address that reason if you know. Because it is here now. You can dive into that whole past experiences that may have caused your anxiety and that is up to you to decide if that is beneficial.

So along with the anxiety disorder, you have developed health anxiety or hypochondria. That is not uncommon. Anxiety is so generous, it usually shares a few different disorders with each of us.

When you feel a pulse, a pain, hear certain words, feel your heart rate raise, or think about cancer, brain tumors, etc..., you start associating those symptoms with a devastating disease or a disaster. Again, this is a very typical progression to most with health anxiety.

Here is where you get screwed. Because you are anxious, which causes you to think irrationally anyway, you truly believe that the association you made with your "triggers" and your thoughts are correct. Now you are the classic example of an anxiety disorder with hypochondria.

Now the tough part, which seems almost impossible when you are feeling anxious and panicky. You have to understand and believe that the signals you are getting from your brain to be scared are caused by a set of beliefs you have built up in your own mind.

If you keep telling your brain the same thing, it eventually will become habit. And since the habit developed, your brain is working exactly as it should.

If you are not on any medication to control things, now would be a good time. The meds will calm you enough where you can start thinking rationally and start to set your new, and correct thought and belief system.

If it wasn't for the meds, I would have gone nuts. Plus I swore they were giving me side effects but guess what? That was the anxiety talking yet again.

Therapy is great with the right counselor if you can find one.

With the cutting, I understand that it is a release from the harmful thoughts but have no experience with it.

Most importantly, I have seen people come in here sounding way worse than you and I am happy to say, that they are doing just fine now.

It is just scary and once you get yourself calmed, you will be blown away how much progress you can make in a little bit of time.

Wishing you only the best

[jessed03]

I have suffered from anxiety for the better part of my life and I have absolutely nobody to turn to. Everybody in my life either has tries to help me with religion (I'm an atheist)

Hey Aleasha,

Welcome to the forum. Actually your quote above reminded me of this picture.

http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/excuse-me-sir-hippo.jpg

[NixonRulz]

^^^^That's actually pretty funny^^^^

[Aleasha]

Hi Aleasha is their no support groups in your local area? If your serious about getting better i would advise you join one as usually what you say in these groups is kept confidential and they will provide that decent human being contact you are in need of. I will direct you to my on-line support group just encase their is nothing going on locally.

anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?31249-Take-Part-in-an-Anxiety-Social-Learning-Experiment

I live in Colleyville, TX, so if you know of any support groups in the immediate area (must be in Colleyville, Northeast Tarrant, Bedford, Hurst, Euless, Southlake, North Richland Hills, Grapevine or Keller). I really would like to join one, but I can't travel very far as if I leave the immediate area and go into Dallas, for example, I will absolutely panic about being so far from home. I would love to join your online support group.

[Aleasha]

Hi, Alesha - and welcome here

You don't sound so different than many people here. We are a group that are just wired a bit different from what some consider "normal"

I am not going to tell you to pray nor will I blab to anyone about what you are saying. Hell, I even may qualify as a "human" you are looking to speak to.

Hypochondria just sucks. Had years of those lovely obsessive thoughts.

The only thing you need to do to break those thoughts of dooming health is to change your thinking. I do understand that statement sounds really easy to most people but people like us have to put some effort into it.

Let's break it down in pretty simple terms.

You have an anxiety disorder which is the start of the whole cycle. Now I do not know how or why you have this disorder but for now, let's not address that reason if you know. Because it is here now. You can dive into that whole past experiences that may have caused your anxiety and that is up to you to decide if that is beneficial.

So along with the anxiety disorder, you have developed health anxiety or hypochondria. That is not uncommon. Anxiety is so generous, it usually shares a few different disorders with each of us.

When you feel a pulse, a pain, hear certain words, feel your heart rate raise, or think about cancer, brain tumors, etc..., you start associating those symptoms with a devastating disease or a disaster. Again, this is a very typical progression to most with health anxiety.

Here is where you get screwed. Because you are anxious, which causes you to think irrationally anyway, you truly believe that the association you made with your "triggers" and your thoughts are correct. Now you are the classic example of an anxiety disorder with hypochondria.

Now the tough part, which seems almost impossible when you are feeling anxious and panicky. You have to understand and believe that the signals you are getting from your brain to be scared are caused by a set of beliefs you have built up in your own mind.

If you keep telling your brain the same thing, it eventually will become habit. And since the habit developed, your brain is working exactly as it should.

If you are not on any medication to control things, now would be a good time. The meds will calm you enough where you can start thinking rationally and start to set your new, and correct thought and belief system.

If it wasn't for the meds, I would have gone nuts. Plus I swore they were giving me side effects but guess what? That was the anxiety talking yet again.

Therapy is great with the right counselor if you can find one.

With the cutting, I understand that it is a release from the harmful thoughts but have no experience with it.

Most importantly, I have seen people come in here sounding way worse than you and I am happy to say, that they are doing just fine now.

It is just scary and once you get yourself calmed, you will be blown away how much progress you can make in a little bit of time.

Wishing you only the best

It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I just hope people can respect my non-religious beliefs as I respect those who chose to follow a religion. I just need people to be able to talk to. Hypochondria gets the best of me almost daily. I’m sorry you have gone through this, as I’ve been going through it for half of my life. I really don’t know how to change the way I think. It’s just an endless cycle of anxiety and shear terror. I try to act as normal as I can on the outside, while I feel like I’m dying on the inside. I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), but the name for my condition sounds way too meek for what I have going on. I think my GAD might be genetic, as my grandmother was always a very nervous person and my father had a mental breakdown when I was just a baby. I’ve always been a very timid, anxious person that avoids anything that could possibly be conceived as dangerous (I have the personality of an antelope). But, I think it is probably just genetic (my mother also suffers from rage problems). My hypochondria is out of control. I’m glad I’m not alone. However, it saddens me to hear that other people are experiencing what I am, as it has taken a good portion of my life. I’m going to go ahead and tell you what my greatest fear is – a stroke. This morning I had a tingling numbness on my left cheekbone that lasted for maybe two or three seconds. After having a panic/anxiety attack that lasted about three hours, I have come to the realization that it was most likely my sinuses, as I do suffer from serious sinus problems. I get these tingles on my face sometimes and it scares the living daylights out of me. I believe it is always either dry skin (wintertime with the heat on 24/7) or sinuses. But, when this happens, I absolutely lose control. I try with all my might to just calm down and look at things rationally, but my panic attacks aren’t rational. I’m sure I can’t be the only person that gets a little tingle from dry skin in the wintertime. I try to hard to be rational about things, but it is so hard. Over the last 13-years, this has become a small anxiety to an all-consuming terror. I am on four different medications for my anxiety. After I take them, I almost always calm down. I believe if I wasn’t on medication I would have probably committed suicide or gone completely insane by now. When my dose was increased I felt like I was living in a fog, but I know I probably didn’t give the medication long enough to even work properly before I went back to a lower dose. Feeling foggy-headed is very scary for me. I have tried therapy two different times and quit both. Cutting is what I do when other people drive me over the edge. As selfish as it sounds, I’m glad I’m not the worst case. I do feel like my anxiety is very slowly (snail speed) starting to become more controlled, but then there are times, like last night, when things spiral out of control. Thank you so much.

[Aleasha]

Hey Aleasha,

Welcome to the forum. Actually your quote above reminded me of this picture.

Thank you. By the way, that is seriously hilarious and exactly how I feel very often.

[Aleasha]

^^^^That's actually pretty funny^^^^

I feel like that person (my ex-therapist, ex-boyfriend, aunt, uncle, other aunt, and sometimes father are the Hippopotamus) LOL

[NixonRulz]

It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I just hope people can respect my non-religious beliefs as I respect those who chose to follow a religion. I just need people to be able to talk to. Hypochondria gets the best of me almost daily. I’m sorry you have gone through this, as I’ve been going through it for half of my life. I really don’t know how to change the way I think. It’s just an endless cycle of anxiety and shear terror. I try to act as normal as I can on the outside, while I feel like I’m dying on the inside. I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), but the name for my condition sounds way too meek for what I have going on. I think my GAD might be genetic, as my grandmother was always a very nervous person and my father had a mental breakdown when I was just a baby. I’ve always been a very timid, anxious person that avoids anything that could possibly be conceived as dangerous (I have the personality of an antelope). But, I think it is probably just genetic (my mother also suffers from rage problems). My hypochondria is out of control. I’m glad I’m not alone. However, it saddens me to hear that other people are experiencing what I am, as it has taken a good portion of my life. I’m going to go ahead and tell you what my greatest fear is – a stroke. This morning I had a tingling numbness on my left cheekbone that lasted for maybe two or three seconds. After having a panic/anxiety attack that lasted about three hours, I have come to the realization that it was most likely my sinuses, as I do suffer from serious sinus problems. I get these tingles on my face sometimes and it scares the living daylights out of me. I believe it is always either dry skin (wintertime with the heat on 24/7) or sinuses. But, when this happens, I absolutely lose control. I try with all my might to just calm down and look at things rationally, but my panic attacks aren’t rational. I’m sure I can’t be the only person that gets a little tingle from dry skin in the wintertime. I try to hard to be rational about things, but it is so hard. Over the last 13-years, this has become a small anxiety to an all-consuming terror. I am on four different medications for my anxiety. After I take them, I almost always calm down. I believe if I wasn’t on medication I would have probably committed suicide or gone completely insane by now. When my dose was increased I felt like I was living in a fog, but I know I probably didn’t give the medication long enough to even work properly before I went back to a lower dose. Feeling foggy-headed is very scary for me. I have tried therapy two different times and quit both. Cutting is what I do when other people drive me over the edge. As selfish as it sounds, I’m glad I’m not the worst case. I do feel like my anxiety is very slowly (snail speed) starting to become more controlled, but then there are times, like last night, when things spiral out of control. Thank you so much.

This post sounds if you are in a much better place now and I am glad

Stroke and Heart attack were my biggest fears. Not so much cancer. It was the more acute death of dropping dead in just a few seconds.

If nothing else, I have learned to dismiss the thoughts and physical little twinges I get that made me associate it with a related heart issue.

Now I won't lie, I still get those feelings when I get a pain in my chest but can quickly dismiss it.

Everyone gets those aches and shooting pains daily. Anxious people notice them, brood over them and convince themselves something devastating is going to happen.

That's just a matter of breaking your associations to them and you can get that done over a little time

[jessed03]

I'm glad you like it. I've had it saved on my hard drive for ages. It's nice to be able to use it!

People won't bother you about religion on this forum. Tis not Texas on the internet. :) Those who want to talk about God can, those who don't, well, nobody's going to bring it up.

If you ever want to make some online friends, there's a Facebook thread in the Off-topic section. I've met some seriously great people on this forum who have given me some immense support. It's an option if you're ever looking for it.

[Aleasha]

This post sounds if you are in a much better place now and I am glad

Stroke and Heart attack were my biggest fears. Not so much cancer. It was the more acute death of dropping dead in just a few seconds.

If nothing else, I have learned to dismiss the thoughts and physical little twinges I get that made me associate it with a related heart issue.

Now I won't lie, I still get those feelings when I get a pain in my chest but can quickly dismiss it.

Everyone gets those aches and shooting pains daily. Anxious people notice them, brood over them and convince themselves something devastating is going to happen.

That's just a matter of breaking your associations to them and you can get that done over a little time


I’m actually quite relieved to hear that I’m not the only one with this fear. My family is predisposed to breast cancer and thyroid cancer, but I’m honestly not worried about either of these things. A day where my fear of having a stroke doesn’t consume me is very rare. It’s really hard to ignore little twinges, as I feel like I’m extremely oversensitive to my body. When I was younger, I think heart problems and heart attacks were my biggest fear, as my family is genetically prone to heart problems and I was born with a heart condition. I now know that the pain I sometimes feel in my chest is gas (I have GERD). I know that I notice things way more than most people and that irritates me to no end. I don’t want to be like this, but I don’t have any idea how to change it.

[Aleasha]

I'm glad you like it. I've had it saved on my hard drive for ages. It's nice to be able to use it!

People won't bother you about religion on this forum. Tis not Texas on the internet. :) Those who want to talk about God can, those who don't, well, nobody's going to bring it up.

If you ever want to make some online friends, there's a Facebook thread in the Off-topic section. I've met some seriously great people on this forum who have given me some immense support. It's an option if you're ever looking for it.

I thought that was hilarious. Thank you for sharing it. After last night, I really needed that laugh. I’m really glad nobody is bothering me about religion. Unfortunately, I live in Texas and try to keep my mouth shut as often as possible. I honestly have no problem with any religion the least bit, but it’s just not who I am. I use to be on FB, but I’ve deleted my account because there was just too much drama. So far, this forum seems like a nice place. But, I doubt if I will go back to FB, as with my anxiety, the drama is just too much.

[jessed03]

I thought that was hilarious. Thank you for sharing it. After last night, I really needed that laugh. I’m really glad nobody is bothering me about religion. Unfortunately, I live in Texas and try to keep my mouth shut as often as possible. I honestly have no problem with any religion the least bit, but it’s just not who I am. I use to be on FB, but I’ve deleted my account because there was just too much drama. So far, this forum seems like a nice place. But, I doubt if I will go back to FB, as with my anxiety, the drama is just too much.

That's cool. I'd probably be a lot more productive without Facebook, myself.

How do you survive without a daily dose of funny cat pictures though?

[NixonRulz]

Aleasha, some people here create a new facebook account so it is with only the members here.

No drama, can be more fun and relaxed

People have become pretty good friends on there

[jessed03]

Aleasha, some people here create a new facebook account so it is with only the members here.

No drama, can be more fun and relaxed

People have become pretty good friends on there

Oh yeah, there's always that option. I remember several people creating a special AF Facebook.

[alex42]

Hi, Alesha - and welcome here

You don't sound so different than many people here. We are a group that are just wired a bit different from what some consider "normal"

I am not going to tell you to pray nor will I blab to anyone about what you are saying. Hell, I even may qualify as a "human" you are looking to speak to.

Hypochondria just sucks. Had years of those lovely obsessive thoughts.

The only thing you need to do to break those thoughts of dooming health is to change your thinking. I do understand that statement sounds really easy to most people but people like us have to put some effort into it.

Let's break it down in pretty simple terms.

You have an anxiety disorder which is the start of the whole cycle. Now I do not know how or why you have this disorder but for now, let's not address that reason if you know. Because it is here now. You can dive into that whole past experiences that may have caused your anxiety and that is up to you to decide if that is beneficial.

So along with the anxiety disorder, you have developed health anxiety or hypochondria. That is not uncommon. Anxiety is so generous, it usually shares a few different disorders with each of us.

When you feel a pulse, a pain, hear certain words, feel your heart rate raise, or think about cancer, brain tumors, etc..., you start associating those symptoms with a devastating disease or a disaster. Again, this is a very typical progression to most with health anxiety.

Here is where you get screwed. Because you are anxious, which causes you to think irrationally anyway, you truly believe that the association you made with your "triggers" and your thoughts are correct. Now you are the classic example of an anxiety disorder with hypochondria.

Now the tough part, which seems almost impossible when you are feeling anxious and panicky. You have to understand and believe that the signals you are getting from your brain to be scared are caused by a set of beliefs you have built up in your own mind.

If you keep telling your brain the same thing, it eventually will become habit. And since the habit developed, your brain is working exactly as it should.

If you are not on any medication to control things, now would be a good time. The meds will calm you enough where you can start thinking rationally and start to set your new, and correct thought and belief system.

If it wasn't for the meds, I would have gone nuts. Plus I swore they were giving me side effects but guess what? That was the anxiety talking yet again.

Therapy is great with the right counselor if you can find one.

With the cutting, I understand that it is a release from the harmful thoughts but have no experience with it.

Most importantly, I have seen people come in here sounding way worse than you and I am happy to say, that they are doing just fine now.

It is just scary and once you get yourself calmed, you will be blown away how much progress you can make in a little bit of time.

Wishing you only the best

Agreed. Completely.

[gypsylee]

Aleasha, some people here create a new facebook account so it is with only the members here.

No drama, can be more fun and relaxed

People have become pretty good friends on there

I'm trying to wean off FB atm. I got kicked off recently for not using my real name (some bastard reported me). I come from the internet of the 90s where noone used their real name so I refused and now I'm on one of my many fake accounts (used for games) with only a couple of friends. FB has too much power and they basically want real names for data collection. So they can go to hell.

Hi Aleasha by the way :)

[NixonRulz]

I'm trying to wean off FB atm. I got kicked off recently for not using my real name (some bastard reported me). I come from the internet of the 90s where noone used their real name so I refused and now I'm on one of my many fake accounts (used for games) with only a couple of friends. FB has too much power and they basically want real names for data collection. So they can go to hell.

Hi Aleasha by the way :)

Then start a new Facebook account for the forum

You have so may aliases on Facebook that you me be a wanted woman but that is okay

Lots just make a new account for the forum to stay kinda anonymous

[jessed03]

Then start a new Facebook account for the forum

You have so may aliases on Facebook that you me be a wanted woman but that is okay

Lots just make a new account for the forum to stay kinda anonymous

Nixon's right. Come on Gypsy, you're smarter than this! Nixon uses the alias Nixon Watergate. Zuckerberg doesn't even go near him. Personally I use my real name, but that's cos it's cool and not something stupid like Reginald Von Baronswinkle.

[gypsylee]

Nixon's right. Come on Gypsy, you're smarter than this! Nixon uses the alias Nixon Watergate. Zuckerberg doesn't even go near him. Personally I use my real name, but that's cos it's cool and not something stupid like Reginald Van Baronswinkle.

Hahaha. I was thinking I could do that. But it's the whole FB vibe lol. The sad thing is, I'm pretty sure I know who reported me and it was an uptight family friend.. I mean Gypsy Lee isn't that weird and I don't go around abusing strangers, so had to be someone who knows me. My real name isn't embarrassing but it's the principle of the thing. Anyway I might use one of my accounts for forum people, or even the one I'm using now :)

[jessed03]

You know it makes sense. If you're sick of the Facebook vibe, you obviously have the wrong type of people on there!

Otherwise you'd be saying, "I luhhh da vibe".

[NixonRulz]

I have a My Space account if anyone wants to hang out in 2008

[trivedisites]

Hello Aleasha, you can try meditation it will help you a lot. And hurting yourself is not a good option.