My Girlfriend has Anxiety

[Breakwood]

Hi all,

I'm new to the board and am looking for information and help as the partner of someone who has anxiety.

I personally do not suffer from Anxiety. My girlfriend does. At first, it was something we were able to deal with, or brush off, but it has become quite a larger issue over the past 6 months.

To give you a little background on our situation: I was married for 14 years and got divorced last year. I have 2 wonderful girls 10 and 16 that i share custody with my ex. We 'had' an amicable divorce and things seemed settled and good in my life. My girlfriend has also been married in the past, has 2 wonderful boys 15 and 17, that she also shares custody. Since her marriage however, she has had 3 or 4 failed relationships. We met last year, fell in love, and here we are! :)

About 2 weeks ago, it all came to the breaking point. I could not longer deal with the irrationality, the anger, and the frustration of it all. I basically told her I wanted her to leave and wanted to end our relationship. After the dust settled, we discussed things, and she finally accepted to seek help in dealing with her Anxiety. It has been something that she has attempted to deal with herself all her life. I thought it was a breakthrough for her to actually accept to seek help. She asked me to help her in this journey and I have accepted. She wants me to go with her and sit in when she speaks to the Therapist.

In the meantime, I am reading all I can on the subject, and have joined this forum. I really want to help her through this. She IS a wonderful person whom I love dearly. I have come to realize that my ignorance on anxiety is not helping out our situation at all. Although I'm trying no to take it personally, I do find that often it is really difficult not to.

I'm really hoping I can find some help in helping her get better.

[Im-Suffering]

And so help is here.




I'm really hoping I can find some help in helping her get better.

What needs healing, the false beliefs (that create the issues), will become apparent during times of sheer panic, say at home, when there is no obvious trigger. Not general anxiety now, but a full blown attack where the heart beats quickly, and other symptoms, she cries and laments, screams and paces frantically. At that point, listen. In those moments the truth can be ascertained. You will never hear her beliefs so loud and clear. "I hate you !" can be interpreted as - "Don't you love me, do you love me? DO YOU LOVE ME? Why won't you hold me?" Get good at interpreting. For the real belief is well protected.

Now that is an example, but rest assured she feels alone, not physically now, but in that she feels rejected, like a child. In fact in those moments of anger, she is that hurt child. The heart is partly closed, and broken. So the cycle of loss (relationships) will continue corroborating her beliefs, until the psyche is mended and the mental problems resolved, the incipient issues that formed the current beliefs.

I have no time currently for more information. This is good enough for now. Look, listen, watch. When the beliefs surface, you'll know. Remember to 'interpret' the words as I showed you above. For the words out of the mouth are clues, you see. And may not be the accurate truth, but a protective barrier to the enclosed feelings.

Write the beliefs down, and bring them to the therapist for help in releasing and healing.

Helping her to heal every false belief she has about herself, now that is the true reason and meaning of "soul mate". And part of your self work as well. For you have work to do too, and so by tackling this journey together, you both grow, you understand.

Blessings

[Breakwood]

Thank you so much for the reply. You've just recreated what happened 2 weekends ago.

I think it is important for me to weather the storm when she has an evening, on in my case an entire night of sheer panic. It is difficult not to take it personally when it's a full on assault.

But being informed is my best chance of dealing with this while trying to help out.

[Anxiety34]

That's great that your willing to help her through this a lot of people don't understand people who suffer from this. I am new here too and Its hard im still struggling with anxiety. Seems like your a good guy she's lucky:)

[FuzzieSocks]

That's great that your willing to help her through this a lot of people don't understand people who suffer from this. I am new here too and Its hard im still struggling with anxiety. Seems like your a good guy she's lucky:)


I agree! Absolutely. And ImSuffering hit the feelings and reactions/outbursts head on!
Anxiety is no fun, it's no walk in the park, those that love us grow to understand it.

Good luck!

[nf1234]

If I had to describe anxiety to a person who had never experienced it, it would be as follows... Think of a time where you felt sheer terror and panic. A time where your heart began to race and you felt the adrenaline pumping. Maybe a car crash, scary situation, loss of a loved one ect. That release of adrenaline and feelings of panic are normal in those types of situations. You don't really noticed the physical sensations because your focused on what is happening. If I am being chased by a murderer through a dark ally way, im not focused on how fast my heart is beating. Im focused on not getting killed and running for my life. Well a panic attack is that same rush of adrenaline and that same feeling of doom and panic as you would feel if a murderer was chasing you. Except you are just doing something normal. You could be sitting on a sunny beach and its like someone injected you with straight adrenaline. It is so much worse because you don't have something to tie it to. You aren't distracted by trying to save your life. You are just sitting there quietly in a work meeting or in the grocery store. Thats what makes it so awful. It literally feels like you are dying for no reason. Once this happens once you now fear that feeling happening again. You being to change your lifestyle to make sure you don't get into a situation where you might feel that way again. If this is chronic it will change you life, wear you down, and put a strain on your relationships.

I think step 1 is understanding how real the feelings she is feeling are. There is a HUGE difference between "worrying" and full blown panic attacks. I'd take a bullet in the leg in a heartbeat if I knew I wouldn't ever have a panic attack again. Once you realize how real and awful her feelings are you can begin to empathize. You have to make sure she realizes you think its a big deal. Because if she feels like shes literally having a heart attack on the inside and you write it off, shes gonna lose it.

Step 2 is getting her the help she needs because as her anxiety gets better, your relationship will too. Encourage her to seek help and adopt a healthy lifestyle. Implement changes to destress ect.

Hope that helps. Hang in there. If you love her with anxiety, your gonna love her that much more when she gets it under control.