raggamuffin
02-16-2015, 04:13 AM
Hi all,
So i'm trying to dig and help crack these core beliefs from my past which are affecting me to this day. I feel i've come a long way since I originally joined here. I was terrified of anxiety and the symptoms and experienced 24/7 symptoms for 5 years. Nowadays things are calmer and i'm starting to delve introspectively to tackle the root cause of my issues and get where I want to be in life.
Here's today's core belief that i've been digging and trying to uncover. i'd appreciate people's perspective on these worries. I need to really tackle this as it's quite a fundamental warped belief i've had since childhood which has affected me in a great many areas of life:
Chlidhood - always being told I could do better at school from my parents and my teachers.
Every report/parents evening would say that I wasn't achieving my full potential. I used to fear these parents evenings as I knew the reports would say I was underachieving.
My half brother and half sister have achieved a lot. My h/brother followed in my dad's footsteps and became an engineer and has travelled all over the world. My h/sister has worked her way up in the banking world and moved abroad to follow a very highly paid and successful career. I have felt later in life that I am a failure. I have had many opportunities to excel and yet I never exert myself fully. I often start tasks with great enthusiasm but either hurridly finish a task with shoddy results or run out of steam and leave the task half completed.
I didn't study what I wanted to study because my parents didn't think art was a suitable or stable career. I flunked 2 colleges and university. I chased relationships during these 5 years and experienced heightened anxiety and rollercoaster of emotions during said years. When I was happy in my relationships I obsessed over them and would skip classes to be with them. When things were bad I felt so low that I couldn't concentrate or face being in classes.
I began to become lost in computer games as I felt I could achieve more and was lost in a world of fantasy. When I came across difficulties in such games I would often quit outright due to frustration. I have a habit of restarting games when they get too difficult. It's almost an addiction. I find it easier to replay and achieve what I have done many times before as a form of safety behaviour.
I've always been wreckless with money. My brother would save hard and buy expensive things once in a while. Case and point he bought his first house as soon as he left home without ever having rented. When i got a job my spending became even more unstable and I ended up in debt multiple times. I never valued money and always spent outside my means. I would spend a lot on friends. it made me feel gratified by seeing them happy. I attracted a lot of users over the years.
In recent years I've helped many friends with emotional issues ranging from breakups, sexual issues, abuse and bullying. I feel I can understand and help people well. it feels easier to help other's than help myself. Now that I wish to help myself I feel the task is somewhat daunting. Whilst I've begun to understand myself and work on self help I fear that perhaps this'll be yet another task in which I fail to complete it or finish it to a good degree.
Core beliefs - I am an underachiever, I fail to see things through to completion, I have so much potential and I'm not doing anything with it.
My parents often reinforce this belief. They ask when I'll go back to work and stop claiming ESA benefits for my anxiety and depression. There was guilt in claiming these benefits originally due to the stigma attached to seeking government aid for mental health conditions. They often say that I could achieve so much and yet I'm not achieving anything.
I worked the same job for 9.5 years. I never got promoted and my enthusiasm waxed and waned. When I focused and dedicated my effort I was the highest achiever of set tasks in the whole office. I lived in fear of losing the job due to a takeover by a company. I survived the first wave of redundancy and then voluntarily opted for redundancy during the second wave. I quit my job in June 2014. I was hoping to follow my art and photography, but once again - enthusiasm has waned. When I do try hard with my creative skills I achieve a lot. But I'm scared of taking it further, of truly achieving what I want to achieve in life. I know deep down I could go far. But I'm not pushing for it, in fact I feel like the child's inner belief of not achieving is holding me back.
It's a feeling of being misunderstood. I want to help myself and my parents understand that I can better myself and get to where I want to be. But I need to challenge these core beliefs.
Ed
So i'm trying to dig and help crack these core beliefs from my past which are affecting me to this day. I feel i've come a long way since I originally joined here. I was terrified of anxiety and the symptoms and experienced 24/7 symptoms for 5 years. Nowadays things are calmer and i'm starting to delve introspectively to tackle the root cause of my issues and get where I want to be in life.
Here's today's core belief that i've been digging and trying to uncover. i'd appreciate people's perspective on these worries. I need to really tackle this as it's quite a fundamental warped belief i've had since childhood which has affected me in a great many areas of life:
Chlidhood - always being told I could do better at school from my parents and my teachers.
Every report/parents evening would say that I wasn't achieving my full potential. I used to fear these parents evenings as I knew the reports would say I was underachieving.
My half brother and half sister have achieved a lot. My h/brother followed in my dad's footsteps and became an engineer and has travelled all over the world. My h/sister has worked her way up in the banking world and moved abroad to follow a very highly paid and successful career. I have felt later in life that I am a failure. I have had many opportunities to excel and yet I never exert myself fully. I often start tasks with great enthusiasm but either hurridly finish a task with shoddy results or run out of steam and leave the task half completed.
I didn't study what I wanted to study because my parents didn't think art was a suitable or stable career. I flunked 2 colleges and university. I chased relationships during these 5 years and experienced heightened anxiety and rollercoaster of emotions during said years. When I was happy in my relationships I obsessed over them and would skip classes to be with them. When things were bad I felt so low that I couldn't concentrate or face being in classes.
I began to become lost in computer games as I felt I could achieve more and was lost in a world of fantasy. When I came across difficulties in such games I would often quit outright due to frustration. I have a habit of restarting games when they get too difficult. It's almost an addiction. I find it easier to replay and achieve what I have done many times before as a form of safety behaviour.
I've always been wreckless with money. My brother would save hard and buy expensive things once in a while. Case and point he bought his first house as soon as he left home without ever having rented. When i got a job my spending became even more unstable and I ended up in debt multiple times. I never valued money and always spent outside my means. I would spend a lot on friends. it made me feel gratified by seeing them happy. I attracted a lot of users over the years.
In recent years I've helped many friends with emotional issues ranging from breakups, sexual issues, abuse and bullying. I feel I can understand and help people well. it feels easier to help other's than help myself. Now that I wish to help myself I feel the task is somewhat daunting. Whilst I've begun to understand myself and work on self help I fear that perhaps this'll be yet another task in which I fail to complete it or finish it to a good degree.
Core beliefs - I am an underachiever, I fail to see things through to completion, I have so much potential and I'm not doing anything with it.
My parents often reinforce this belief. They ask when I'll go back to work and stop claiming ESA benefits for my anxiety and depression. There was guilt in claiming these benefits originally due to the stigma attached to seeking government aid for mental health conditions. They often say that I could achieve so much and yet I'm not achieving anything.
I worked the same job for 9.5 years. I never got promoted and my enthusiasm waxed and waned. When I focused and dedicated my effort I was the highest achiever of set tasks in the whole office. I lived in fear of losing the job due to a takeover by a company. I survived the first wave of redundancy and then voluntarily opted for redundancy during the second wave. I quit my job in June 2014. I was hoping to follow my art and photography, but once again - enthusiasm has waned. When I do try hard with my creative skills I achieve a lot. But I'm scared of taking it further, of truly achieving what I want to achieve in life. I know deep down I could go far. But I'm not pushing for it, in fact I feel like the child's inner belief of not achieving is holding me back.
It's a feeling of being misunderstood. I want to help myself and my parents understand that I can better myself and get to where I want to be. But I need to challenge these core beliefs.
Ed