Molestation, physical, mental, verbal abuse- and more! Yay me!

[Edmontongirl]

This is long, and disturbing please read and talk to me.

I am 28yr old female, Canada. I am married to my best friend.

I am trying to understand how to deal with everything in my life and am having no success. I have bad dark days and emotional freak outs for no god damn reason. A lot of times they are triggered by my family to be honest. My history seems fucked up to ME, but apparently to the rest of my family it's "not that bad" or could be worse.

My mom was kicked out by my real dad when she was still pregnant with me. He didn't want her me or my sister. I have some memories of him but mostly from visiting him in prison as he stole cars and stuff. My mom remarried another man. From when I was very young I have memories of him touching my vagina, when I was sleeping next to my mom in their bed, he would stick his hands in my pants. He would always rub his crotch up on me or grab my ass, rip my shirt up or grab me in my crotch almost daily. This continued straight up until I was sixteen and then started standing up for myself and we lived in Canada then so I could threaten with calling authorities. All through my teens he would continue to be vulgar and disgusting and sexually abusive. He threw tape measures at my head, choked me out against a wall, locked the tvs in the house so we couldn't watch them, locked the computers. Locked any snacks or "good" food away in his room. He would repeatedly tell me I was ugly a waste of flesh, and at I should die for being a horrible girl. He molested my sister as well. He was negative, drunk, almost shot my sister in the head.

So- this seems like a lot for one person right? What if, your mother knows everything that happened to you as a child, everything he did to you and is still married to him? She expects me to have a NORMAL father daughter relationship with him. And if I freak out or lose my temper every once in a while "how dare I disrespect him that way".

How the effff do I deal with this??? Ps: sorry for the cursing but I am angry right now.

[nf1234]

Sounds like you had some pretty rough circumstances. Honestly I'd say the best course of action would be to talk to a professional about this kind of stuff. Not because your crazy but because they see these kinds of things and can really help you out. Sounds like this guy is a straight POS and I don't think you should be expected to communicate with him. He should be locked in jail honestly. As far as your mother staying with him, thats way over your head. People stay in crappy situations for all sorts of reasons.

If it were me I would talk to a professional. Then I would report these things to the police. People like him deserve to be locked up. Then I would not have any kind of communication with him or at least very limited. As far as your mom goes I don't know her so I can't say. It don't think its right that she allowed those things to happen and is still with the man but like I said I cannot judge and many women are afraid to leave someone like that.

I wouldn't downplay your life. It sounds really rough. Sure, it could be worse, but that doesn't make anything better. I think with some solid counseling you can make some major progress!

[gypsylee]

Geez. I agree with the person above. The feelings of betrayal you'd have because your mother didn't stop him and is still with him would be huge. Not to mention the abuse itself.

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this :(

Gypsy x

[Edmontongirl]

Hey there.

Thank you so Ichiban for responding it really means a lot. I think the next step would also be to talk to someone as I just can't seem to budge the hare and anger.

[Edmontongirl]

Sounds like you had some pretty rough circumstances. Honestly I'd say the best course of action would be to talk to a professional about this kind of stuff. Not because your crazy but because they see these kinds of things and can really help you out. Sounds like this guy is a straight POS and I don't think you should be expected to communicate with him. He should be locked in jail honestly. As far as your mother staying with him, thats way over your head. People stay in crappy situations for all sorts of reasons.

If it were me I would talk to a professional. Then I would report these things to the police. People like him deserve to be locked up. Then I would not have any kind of communication with him or at least very limited. As far as your mom goes I don't know her so I can't say. It don't think its right that she allowed those things to happen and is still with the man but like I said I cannot judge and many women are afraid to leave someone like that.

I wouldn't downplay your life. It sounds really rough. Sure, it could be worse, but that doesn't make anything better. I think with some solid counseling you can make some major progress!


Me again, my mother - she never likes to deal with any problems at all and just tells everyone "to get over it and life could be worse" because of my upbringing and my experiences I have panic disorder and severe depression and literally just a few weeks ago she said to me "get over it" and she even mocks me about having panic attacks and that taking medication is a choice. Lol see what I'm dealing with here?

[Dahila]

Call the police, do not let another ass**** to get away with crime. It will influence your whole life if you do nothing. They will help you, you will get therapy he will have to move out of the house if your mother wants to have u. I agree with the ^^^ he should be in jail. Your mom is a victim like you are.
I know what I am talking, believe me, it never go away if you do nothing. You are old enough to stop it. You will need therapy to overcome it and have a good life. I wish you the best.

[JustaGal]

This is long, and disturbing please read and talk to me.

I am 28yr old female, Canada. I am married to my best friend.

I am trying to understand how to deal with everything in my life and am having no success. I have bad dark days and emotional freak outs for no god damn reason. A lot of times they are triggered by my family to be honest. My history seems fucked up to ME, but apparently to the rest of my family it's "not that bad" or could be worse.

My mom was kicked out by my real dad when she was still pregnant with me. He didn't want her me or my sister. I have some memories of him but mostly from visiting him in prison as he stole cars and stuff. My mom remarried another man. From when I was very young I have memories of him touching my vagina, when I was sleeping next to my mom in their bed, he would stick his hands in my pants. He would always rub his crotch up on me or grab my ass, rip my shirt up or grab me in my crotch almost daily. This continued straight up until I was sixteen and then started standing up for myself and we lived in Canada then so I could threaten with calling authorities. All through my teens he would continue to be vulgar and disgusting and sexually abusive. He threw tape measures at my head, choked me out against a wall, locked the tvs in the house so we couldn't watch them, locked the computers. Locked any snacks or "good" food away in his room. He would repeatedly tell me I was ugly a waste of flesh, and at I should die for being a horrible girl. He molested my sister as well. He was negative, drunk, almost shot my sister in the head.

So- this seems like a lot for one person right? What if, your mother knows everything that happened to you as a child, everything he did to you and is still married to him? She expects me to have a NORMAL father daughter relationship with him. And if I freak out or lose my temper every once in a while "how dare I disrespect him that way".

How the effff do I deal with this??? Ps: sorry for the cursing but I am angry right now.

I dont think it could be worse than that. Dont let anyone minimize what you have been through. I think it needs to be worked through, I prefer support groups. There is 12 step groups for children that grew up in dysfunctional families. The issue will not go away with time and age, it could get worse. I am glad you get angry - you are turning it outward - thats a good thing. Your Mother is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

[JustaGal]

Me again, my mother - she never likes to deal with any problems at all and just tells everyone "to get over it and life could be worse" because of my upbringing and my experiences I have panic disorder and severe depression and literally just a few weeks ago she said to me "get over it" and she even mocks me about having panic attacks and that taking medication is a choice. Lol see what I'm dealing with here?

Your Mother is in denial. I hope the day comes that she gets help, but for now, look out for you. That may mean distancing yourself from them until there is some healing.

[Edmontongirl]

Your Mother is in denial. I hope the day comes that she gets help, but for now, look out for you. That may mean distancing yourself from them until there is some healing.

Hey Justagal thank you so much for your words :) I am going to persue talking to someone about it. Thank you again ♥️

[JustaGal]

Hey Justagal thank you so much for your words :) I am going to persue talking to someone about it. Thank you again ♥️

You are so welcome, I am currently in a recovery group myself for the damage done to me. I also have anxiety, depression. My Mother did similar, laughing and mocking self help for child hood stuff. That is their coping mechanism to deal with the shame and guilt they would like to bury and pretend is not there. It is a sickness. You already know that.

Take care of yourself! : )

[JustaGal]

Hey Justagal thank you so much for your words :) I am going to persue talking to someone about it. Thank you again ♥️

The other thing is to journal all of your feelings past and present....