Crap weekend

[tralala]

Hi,

I had a horrendous weekend with my husbands visiting son (has issues) shouting for 3hrs. I am done. Kid is 15. I have spent the week in a state, anxiety levels high.

Kid isnt speaking to his father, I feel responsible tho have to add I have a right to speak in my own house. Husbands says I need help dealing with my stress/anxiety I feel I don't need help I need to move the problem people from my life. Left to my own devices I get by fine, the stephell is just that. I want out, father can see his kids but don't see why I need to a part of that, they have a mother. Indeed I refuse but I think husband will expect me to "get over it" and welcome teen back with open arms. This is keeping my anxiety going.

Also feel a bit pissed with husband that he thinks anyone would not feel stressed out and anxious after the weekend we just had. Yet somehow I am in need of help to cope. I truthfully do not want to cope. I did not birth these children, I did not marry them, they have parents. They are rude and obnoxious, I do not want to cope with them I do not want to see them. I am done, they are product of their stupid parents, why do I have to suffer? He can se them alone, in our house or wherever I do not require involvement with such horrible people

[NixonRulz]

Hi,

I had a horrendous weekend with my husbands visiting son (has issues) shouting for 3hrs. I am done. Kid is 15. I have spent the week in a state, anxiety levels high.

Kid isnt speaking to his father, I feel responsible tho have to add I have a right to speak in my own house. Husbands says I need help dealing with my stress/anxiety I feel I don't need help I need to move the problem people from my life. Left to my own devices I get by fine, the stephell is just that. I want out, father can see his kids but don't see why I need to a part of that, they have a mother. Indeed I refuse but I think husband will expect me to "get over it" and welcome teen back with open arms. This is keeping my anxiety going.

Also feel a bit pissed with husband that he thinks anyone would not feel stressed out and anxious after the weekend we just had. Yet somehow I am in need of help to cope. I truthfully do not want to cope. I did not birth these children, I did not marry them, they have parents. They are rude and obnoxious, I do not want to cope with them I do not want to see them. I am done, they are product of their stupid parents, why do I have to suffer? He can se them alone, in our house or wherever I do not require involvement with such horrible people

Wow. What a mess.

If you have anxiety issues and there are people that trigger it, understandable to want to be far away from them and I don't blame you.

You and your husband are at a fork in the road. The kids aren't going anywhere and they shouldn't because he is the dad.

He has to understand that you want him to be their dad and see them but that doesn't have to include you. Hopefully he sees that it is for the benefit of your mental health

[Im-Suffering]

Hi,

I had a horrendous weekend with my husbands visiting son (has issues) shouting for 3hrs. I am done. Kid is 15. I have spent the week in a state, anxiety levels high.

Kid isnt speaking to his father, I feel responsible tho have to add I have a right to speak in my own house. Husbands says I need help dealing with my stress/anxiety I feel I don't need help I need to move the problem people from my life. Left to my own devices I get by fine, the stephell is just that. I want out, father can see his kids but don't see why I need to a part of that, they have a mother. Indeed I refuse but I think husband will expect me to "get over it" and welcome teen back with open arms. This is keeping my anxiety going.

Also feel a bit pissed with husband that he thinks anyone would not feel stressed out and anxious after the weekend we just had. Yet somehow I am in need of help to cope. I truthfully do not want to cope. I did not birth these children, I did not marry them, they have parents. They are rude and obnoxious, I do not want to cope with them I do not want to see them. I am done, they are product of their stupid parents, why do I have to suffer? He can se them alone, in our house or wherever I do not require involvement with such horrible people

The only purpose of relationships is to face the mirror, I suggest you do that. (and anyone reading this in a similar position with family/coworkers/friends/enemies).

Relationships are your greatest gift (and tool/ally), as they consistently offer up the opportunity to heal every false belief we have about ourselves. Now, after the tantrum, you are to go stand in front of the mirror, take responsibility, own your experiences, allow yourself to feel without blame -

Examine what is in SELF (beliefs and expectations) that has attracted this to you including your own repressed anger that far precedes this particular event -

And avail yourself the the opportunity to heal (after healing, you will not have the need for such experiences). This is what you are up to, next time you ponder the meaning of your life.

If you want the truth. Most don't. Moving past the title of 'victim' is the most difficult part, but once one does they find empowerment close behind. Wondering where this sense of personal power has been hiding all these years.

Feel that.

[tralala]

The only purpose of relationships is to face the mirror, I suggest you do that. (and anyone reading this in a similar position with family/coworkers/friends/enemies).

Relationships are your greatest gift (and tool/ally), as they consistently offer up the opportunity to heal every false belief we have about ourselves. Now, after the tantrum, you are to go stand in front of the mirror, take responsibility, own your experiences, allow yourself to feel without blame -

Examine what is in SELF (beliefs and expectations) that has attracted this to you including your own repressed anger that far precedes this particular event -

And avail yourself the the opportunity to heal (after healing, you will not have the need for such experiences). This is what you are up to, next time you ponder the meaning of your life.

If you want the truth. Most don't. Moving past the title of 'victim' is the most difficult part, but once one does they find empowerment close behind. Wondering where this sense of personal power has been hiding all these years.

Feel that.

I totally disagree with you on almost every point

[tralala]

Yes I agree I have to get him to understand that he can have a relationship without my input or being there.

Billions of kids grow up everyday without requiring either my input or company. I have raised my own kids to adulthood, have no need for this disruption in my life


THIS is a reply to NixonRulz post

[Im-Suffering]

have no need for this disruption in my life




Blame. Victim. Lack of a defined course of action. Indecision. Powerless. Guilt. Suppression leading to anxiety.

The (my) post stands regardless of your disagreement. Actually, in spite of it. And because of it, others have the opportunity to reflect on similar experiences. Then there will be no need for repeat run-ins, (your term, what seems like) disruptions, or personal -invasions.

The OP is a trigger then (an example), for others to learn from. At some point in time. For them (you reading this) make sure to take the whole thread in context.

[gypsylee]

Im-Suffering would say the same thing to someone in a Nazi concentration camp - "own your responsibility for co-creating this".

Someone once said, "before you diagnose yourself with depression and anxiety, be sure you aren't just surrounding yourself with assholes." That'd be my take on the OP's situation.

:)

[jessed03]

Im-Suffering would say the same thing to someone in a Nazi concentration camp - "own your responsibility for co-creating this".

Someone once said, "before you diagnose yourself with depression and anxiety, be sure you aren't just surrounding yourself with assholes." That'd be my take on the OP's situation.

:)

It's bugging me that I know who said that but can't remember their name. I'm resisting the urge to google. Come on brain, impress me!

OP: Have you ever been close to the kid?

[gypsylee]

It's bugging me that I know who said that but can't remember their name. I'm resisting the urge to google. Come on brain, impress me!

OP: Have you ever been close to the kid?

It's one of those things I saw on Facebook lol. Can't remember who said it.

[tralala]

It's bugging me that I know who said that but can't remember their name. I'm resisting the urge to google. Come on brain, impress me!

OP: Have you ever been close to the kid?


No not close, he's not here every other weekend more like every other month for a few days

[tralala]

Im-Suffering would say the same thing to someone in a Nazi concentration camp - "own your responsibility for co-creating this".

Someone once said, "before you diagnose yourself with depression and anxiety, be sure you aren't just surrounding yourself with assholes." That'd be my take on the OP's situation.

:)


It was a writer can't recall his name but I 100% agree with the quote

I'd own my responsibility for co-creating it if I birthed the kid. I didn't, so that is on his parents, my kids wouldn't dream of behaving in that way to an adult at a similar age

[tralala]

Blame. Victim. Lack of a defined course of action. Indecision. Powerless. Guilt. Suppression leading to anxiety.

The (my) post stands regardless of your disagreement. Actually, in spite of it. And because of it, others have the opportunity to reflect on similar experiences. Then there will be no need for repeat run-ins, (your term, what seems like) disruptions, or personal -invasions.

The OP is a trigger then (an example), for others to learn from. At some point in time. For them (you reading this) make sure to take the whole thread in context.
There will be abused women coming to this forum, who do not have the strength to walk away from the hell that is their life. You should think carefully about doling out that kind of advice.

I rather love my husband and once my anxiety had lessened he will be told my decision, which is I don't want to see your kid. He will have to like it or not because I do have the strength to walk away. My anxiety is over his expectation that I will continue to put up with the disrespect of his badly raised kids and of course that the shitfest the kid created (where is his ownership in this? does he get a free pass?) was actually very stressful

[gypsylee]

There will be abused women coming to this forum, who do not have the strength to walk away from the hell that is their life. You should think carefully about doling out that kind of advice.

I rather love my husband and once my anxiety had lessened he will be told my decision, which is I don't want to see your kid. He will have to like it or not because I do have the strength to walk away. My anxiety is over his expectation that I will continue to put up with the disrespect of his badly raised kids and of course that the shitfest the kid created (where is his ownership in this? does he get a free pass?) was actually very stressful

Sometimes we have to physically remove ourselves from toxic people before any kind of introspection is possible. It's hard to meditate in the midst of a shitfest lol.

:)

[MWolf]

True enough, oftentimes what generates anxiety in us is the presence of other individuals. I believe it was Freud who said “before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes”. If we were to completely disregard the spiritual aspect of life and approach life as a journey to be treaded along safely until death, then perhaps it would be best if we developed the practice of avoiding every single person who makes us feel crappy and surrounding ourselves with people who are the salt of the Earth.

But if we were to examine life closely and recognise the spiritual dimension of life, we recognise that there is the uncanny inevitability of the course of our lives which attracts to us (or which we attract to ourselves) similar patterns of relationships over and over again. It was the famous nemesis of Sigmund Freud, Carl Gustav Jung, who mentioned “what you resist, persists”. In this case, would it not make sense for us to look closer at the conflicts in our lives and discover what it is within ourselves that is creating the conflict? For after all, if not now then when? We are all fine when left to our own devices, but our spiritual growth is jeopardised. Spiritual growth or personal development comes from facing ourselves and to face ourselves, we must face what we refuse to face within ourselves that is projected onto others (the kid). I'm not saying that the kid isn't hell to begin with, but perhaps you may find "empowerment" through learning to see what it is within yourself that is reacting so anxiously and adversely to the kid.

In every individual that we meet, we meet them with the image of themselves that is within us. Therefore, we say that the world is in us and we are in the world. Without this "image" of others which is already in us and made up of our own psychic contents, we would be unable to interact with the world. Therefore, it is also correct to say that you are reacting negatively to a part of your self. That's why by working through relationships, we work through the negative affects which we've learnt to attach to different "exiled" parts of our selves. This is to "know thyself." It is also the process towards becoming whole.

Anxiety to some, has been celebrated as a gift which enabled them to find themselves (there are many examples on this forum. Look for Goomba's post on "My Hyponchondria was the best thing to ever happen to me". I believe it may help vastly. As I am new, I'm unable to post links until i have 25 posts). The presenting riddle here is that whatever causes us to feel anxious points to something deeper within ourselves, something unconscious that has been unhealthily repressed. Anxiety begs for the dissolution of the ego-defenses that are in place that will then allow the unconscious contents to rise up to the surface of awareness to be healed. “The […] purpose of relationships is to face the mirror […] Relationships are your greatest gift (and tool/ally), as they consistently offer up the opportunity to heal every false belief we have about ourselves.”

Perhaps Im-Suffering came across too strong or too confrontational but he really does make a lot of sense and I believe he's just trying to help in his own way.

Here are some quotes from Jung that I believe may help:

“Whatever is rejected from the self, appears in the world as an event.”

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

“There’s no coming to consciousness without pain.”

[gypsylee]

True enough, oftentimes what generates anxiety in us is the presence of other individuals. I believe it was Freud who said “before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes”. If we were to completely disregard the spiritual aspect of life and approach life as a journey to be treaded along safely until death, then perhaps it would be best if we developed the practice of avoiding every single person who makes us feel crappy and surrounding ourselves with people who are the salt of the Earth.

But if we were to examine life closely and recognise the spiritual dimension of life, we recognise that there is the uncanny inevitability of the course of our lives which attracts to us (or which we attract to ourselves) similar patterns of relationships over and over again. It was the famous nemesis of Sigmund Freud, Carl Gustav Jung, who mentioned “what you resist, persists”. In this case, would it not make sense for us to look closer at the conflicts in our lives and discover what it is within ourselves that is creating the conflict? For after all, if not now then when? We are all fine when left to our own devices, but our spiritual growth is jeopardised. Spiritual growth or personal development comes from facing ourselves and to face ourselves, we must face what we refuse to face within ourselves that is projected onto others (the kid). I'm not saying that the kid isn't hell to begin with, but perhaps you may find "empowerment" through learning to see what it is within yourself that is reacting so anxiously and adversely to the kid.

In every individual that we meet, we meet them with the image of themselves that is within us. Therefore, we say that the world is in us and we are in the world. Without this "image" of others which is already in us and made up of our own psychic contents, we would be unable to interact with the world. Therefore, it is also correct to say that you are reacting negatively to a part of your self. That's why by working through relationships, we work through the negative affects which we've learnt to attach to different "exiled" parts of our selves. This is to "know thyself." It is also the process towards become whole.

Anxiety to some, has been celebrated as a gift which enabled them to find themselves (there are many examples on this forum. Look for Goomba's post on "My Hyponchondria was the best thing to ever happen to me". I believe it may help vastly. As I am new, I'm unable to post links until i have 25 posts). The presenting riddle here is that whatever causes us to feel anxious points to something deeper within ourselves, something unconscious that has been unhealthily repressed. Anxiety begs for the dissolution of the ego-defenses that are in place that will then allow the unconscious contents to rise up to the surface of awareness to be healed. “The […] purpose of relationships is to face the mirror […] Relationships are your greatest gift (and tool/ally), as they consistently offer up the opportunity to heal every false belief we have about ourselves.”

Perhaps Im-Suffering came across too strong or too confrontational but he really does make a lot of sense and I believe he's just trying to help in his own way.

Hey and welcome :)

It wasn't Freud who said that lol. It was just some internet guy. Freud would say wanting to have sex with your mother is the cause of your anxiety ;)

But Carl Jung is the king in my opinion!

Anyway just wanted to say welcome to the forum..

Gypsy x

[MWolf]

Hey and welcome :)

It wasn't Freud who said that lol. It was just some internet guy. Freud would say wanting to have sex with your mother is the cause of your anxiety ;)

But Carl Jung is the king in my opinion!

Anyway just wanted to say welcome to the forum..

Gypsy x

Thank you :) OOPS. hahaha