Just in for a little support.

[mul]

Hey guys, i am new here in this forum. Just wanting to share and get a little opinion on my problems and hopefully all you guys can share ur stories with me. Firstly, i am 30 years old, asian decent from the east part of the map. Been living with anxiety for 13 years on now. Currently seeing a therapist twice a week to cope with childhood issues. Basically, my parents were good people but had problem in upbringing children and being the last of three siblings with a ten year gap between my elder brother and me, i was left out most of the time. I knew that i was an unplanned/unwanted child. My parents would fight about the little stuff in front of me and all these events in my childhood let me to develop hate, anger and abandonment issues. I had an Uncle, fostered uncle actually who was a very good man, he came in my life at the right time to salvage what i had left of my young self and gave me hope. I depended on him for my emotional needs. He loved me as his own. He had no kids, and i was his only 'son'. I came to relate him to be my dad. The only person i can call dad but 13 years ago, he passed, he went too soon, and thats the first time i felt the A-train (anxiety train) hit me. It hit me bad. Real bad. I lost a pillar in my life, i was a teen then, i became a rebel. Was hard growing up. Had relationship issues. I didnt know what the problem was until recently. I admitted i have a problem with OCD and i saw a therapist. He dug deep into my childhood to discover my past and told me i have unresolved issues back then. Now i am currently going thru a journey of recovery and healing, its a long and bumpy road. I am here just for a little support for my journey towards recovery. I guess you guys know its tough. And i need all the help and encouragement i can get. Thank you for reading this and God bless.

[Im-Suffering]

And so we will now begin todays psychology lesson. As always we hope some students will arrive.

Beginning then, we will offer much more than support (the request of the OP), since a shoulder is not what this OP needs, but to stand firmly on his own feet. Even to recognize he (she) has good feet. that still work.

One often forgets over time (especially with anxiety), that they can still walk, on their own. It is easy to forget you have feet, when was the last time you remember stepping on an ant? And so you are out of touch with the 'greater' reality that you are a part of. Surely you could not walk a straight line on the sidewalk should you have these 'considerations' in mind. Poor ants !

Now, lets get right to it:


Hey guys, i am new here in this forum. Just wanting to share and get a little opinion on my problems and hopefully all you guys can share ur stories with me. Firstly, i am 30 years old, asian decent from the east part of the map. Been living with anxiety for 13 years on now. Currently seeing a therapist twice a week to cope with childhood issues. Basically, my parents were good people but had problem in upbringing children and being the last of three siblings with a ten year gap between my elder brother and me, i was left out most of the time. I knew that i was an unplanned/unwanted child. My parents would fight about the little stuff in front of me and all these events in my childhood let me to develop hate, anger and abandonment issues. I had an Uncle, fostered uncle actually who was a very good man, he came in my life at the right time to salvage what i had left of my young self and gave me hope. I depended on him for my emotional needs. He loved me as his own. He had no kids, and i was his only 'son'. I came to relate him to be my dad. The only person i can call dad but 13 years ago, he passed, he went too soon, and thats the first time i felt the A-train (anxiety train) hit me. It hit me bad. Real bad. I lost a pillar in my life, i was a teen then, i became a rebel. Was hard growing up. Had relationship issues. I didnt know what the problem was until recently. I admitted i have a problem with OCD and i saw a therapist. He dug deep into my childhood to discover my past and told me i have unresolved issues back then. Now i am currently going thru a journey of recovery and healing, its a long and bumpy road. I am here just for a little support for my journey towards recovery. I guess you guys know its tough. And i need all the help and encouragement i can get. Thank you for reading this and God bless.

Oh the drama ! All the worlds a stage.

There is one word that you forgot in that story, the magic word that if accepted would heal almost instantly, you see, theres no inherent reason to spend 30 years regurgitating memories in therapy.

That word is Blame. "Oh, (you cry out) I don't blame them !! I'm over that !" That is self deception, for if true there would be no feelings (neutral) or emotional response when "abandonment" or any trigger was mentioned. TRUE neutral feelings, by example, would be : A mans has a flat tire on the road. 3 people pass, One stops to help (attraction), one passes by, sees the man, thinks "nah, no time for that" (repulsion or extreme aversion), and finally the third passes by WITHOUT NOTICE (neutral). The first two are linked to belief systems and felt emotionally.

Therapy by its very nature (if not practiced, carefully), causes you to continually attract that which is undesirable through rumination without responsibility. Only when your triggers are mentioned or thought of and you feel NOTHING do you know the electromagnetic properties of attraction have cleared from the psyche and you are free from that issue, permanently.

All emotion ATTRACTS. Hate does NOT repel, as one would presume. No matter the physical distance.

The above 2 paragraphs ALONE, and completely understood can heal anyone.

And so, BLAME is the curse, the plight upon the promised land. And the ingredient that keeps the mental masturbation alive. And the therapist in business. For as long as they can get you to drudge up from the ocean floor blame upon blame, and shame for the self disguised as simple 'memory recall' for the sake of release, the grip never lets go.

Blame, brings upon you shame, and its ugly cousin, guilt. For the hate (from the child) directs inward, the 'target' (parent or caretaker) is illusive.

The opposite of blame is OWNERSHIP. (responsibility). Only the adult now, at 30, can OWN (take responsibility for EVERY EVENT IN YOUR LIFE INCLUDING THE HURTFUL ONES), thereby making a clear decision to FORGIVE.

The emotional attachments to 'hate, anger, and abandonment' can only be truly RELEASED by this process of the ego:

FALSE BELIEF OR IDEA ABOUT SELF OR REALITY > **DECISION > I AM NOT A VICTIM > OWN > RESPONSIBILITY > POWER > FORGIVE (choice) > HEAL (release or dissipation of stored energies attached to the drama) > CHANGE IN CORE BELIEF BECOMES NEW REALITY

In therapy, by masturbating back and forth for years the victimhood, "But, it was not my fault" you will feel powerless to act against what are GHOSTS of the past. You can swing at them all day and never hit the mark - they are invisible.

And so the assertion is to turn about and go into the self, and forget everyone else in the story. By using the above formula starting with a DECISION, you will draw the magic of personal power to you as if you were using fairy dust.

And on that high note, we shall end it here. You may need to read this over 1000 times before it 'clicks'. But of course that is another decision to make.

** Decision:

A conclusion or resolution reached after consideration.

I give you its meaning because most humans are flippant and weak in their decision process, slowly to reach and quickly to change. (A real decision, and you can recollect them in your life, they brought immediate change upon you) are firm, powerful conclusions that are reached quickly and never changed (rare). All bridges are burnt behind. Its face the enemy or perish, period. That is the component of a 'true' decision that leads to empowerment. When in therapy then, was such a decision made? Or rather, when in LIFE was such a decision made, and as you recapitulate that, see how the future was shaped around it, and understand the power that we are suggesting. This is the fount of every creative act that changes a life and reforms its reality as if by will ('miracles').

Happy trails ! And as always this message is apropos for all readers, the OP serving as a trigger point in time for you (reading this in your 'today'). And is here for your benefit. (yes you).

[jessed03]

You don't get support with this dude ^. This dude's all about action. You come here for a kind word, you leave feeling free as a bird.

And you don't pay a cent. There's nothing like the Anxiety Forum!

[mul]

U may be right man. U may be right. I guess ur info is good and with an open mind i accept it. But u didnt have to be all sacarstic abt it mr perfect. Being an a-hole doesnt help others. U crave control and you dont have it in ur life i guess. Good luck for u man. Thanks again.

[NixonRulz]

Hey guys, i am new here in this forum. Just wanting to share and get a little opinion on my problems and hopefully all you guys can share ur stories with me. Firstly, i am 30 years old, asian decent from the east part of the map. Been living with anxiety for 13 years on now. Currently seeing a therapist twice a week to cope with childhood issues. Basically, my parents were good people but had problem in upbringing children and being the last of three siblings with a ten year gap between my elder brother and me, i was left out most of the time. I knew that i was an unplanned/unwanted child. My parents would fight about the little stuff in front of me and all these events in my childhood let me to develop hate, anger and abandonment issues. I had an Uncle, fostered uncle actually who was a very good man, he came in my life at the right time to salvage what i had left of my young self and gave me hope. I depended on him for my emotional needs. He loved me as his own. He had no kids, and i was his only 'son'. I came to relate him to be my dad. The only person i can call dad but 13 years ago, he passed, he went too soon, and thats the first time i felt the A-train (anxiety train) hit me. It hit me bad. Real bad. I lost a pillar in my life, i was a teen then, i became a rebel. Was hard growing up. Had relationship issues. I didnt know what the problem was until recently. I admitted i have a problem with OCD and i saw a therapist. He dug deep into my childhood to discover my past and told me i have unresolved issues back then. Now i am currently going thru a journey of recovery and healing, its a long and bumpy road. I am here just for a little support for my journey towards recovery. I guess you guys know its tough. And i need all the help and encouragement i can get. Thank you for reading this and God bless.

Singapore is a city I must see before the reaper takes me away. It's like New York only you don't get carjacked.

I went to therapy with 3 different doctors who all decided that taking the temperature of my fingertips was important. I fired all of them.

It stopped mattering to me why I got anxious because I had trained my mind to be anxious so it wasn't going to just stop if I had a breakthrough of the cause

I just began to untrain my mind to be anxious and get back to living. Now I'm living the dream.

I am not saying not to find your cause, just understand by finding the cause probably won't change too much until you start working on where your mind is thinking now

I wish you well and let everyone know in Singapore that I will be coming in the not so distant future.

[Im-Suffering]

Lets dig deeper into this :




It stopped mattering to me why I got anxious because I had trained my mind to be anxious so it wasn't going to just stop if I had a breakthrough of the cause

I just began to untrain my mind to be anxious and get back to living. Now I'm living the dream.



This is very important. (underlined).

Most people with 'anxiety' gave up 'living' long ago. 'Giving up living' is part of the self hatred (and other emotions) generated by the individuals system of beliefs long before the inception of that first 'debilitating' attack. The first (major panic) attack seals the deal, symbolic psychologically of the inner feelings (I hate my life and/or myself)). Crippling the individual (physically and mentally) and corroborating the beliefs. Now, getting more than bargained for, the person begins to fear (rather terrorized by it). Fear, was not considered beforehand as a result of 'hating life" or "hating myself', that was left out of the equation. In anxiety, or nervous illness, there is a symbolic ego death as well as a death to life. Most of you can recall always feeling some form of anxiety (early on), along with self suggestions even in years 5-9 "I hate myself", or 'life'. And so this (anxiety) can be considered a slow death, many years in the making.

The ''cause" is the work, and often it involves 'forgiveness' of some sort. In some respects, the cause is the purpose of life (challenge). Even as I say this, most of you will go about with your day, and eventually say "what is the purpose of life?" and so the power of ignorance and denial is very strong. Life has a theme, what is yours (anyone)? Each life has a 'theme', a set of triggers meant to guide you to the central core, for healing. Money issues, for example, always leads back to 'worth'.

Often the cause is unknowingly floundered upon and healed without the (conscious)knowledge of the individual (largely worked out in dreams and the subconscious), and so you will feel a whole lot better and say "the cause was not instrumental, I simply retrained myself", not realizing that 'training' itself was (part of) the overall (subconscious) healing. The 'cause' is healed either way (conscious or unconscious) and is the precursor to 'living the dream' which is wholly impossible while the person still holds destructive beliefs. There must be transformation, period. (there is no other way to transform, than a belief change. No exceptions).

The 'dis-ease' may as well be termed 'beliefs' rather than anxiety or any other medical label. Because it truly is (at the cause) a diseased belief system. How many so called 'normal' individuals, not suffering from nervous disorder, live their dream? If you say very few, you are correct. Anxiety is discriminating then, while diseased beliefs inflict everyone in (relatively) equal measure. Anxiety (apropos for this forum) is one form, manifestation, a diseased belief system takes, period. It is not the disease itself, you see - hopefully. :)

And I say that with a smile, because it is the 1900th time.

And a note to the OP about this :

"U may be right man. U may be right. I guess ur info is good and with an open mind i accept it. But u didnt have to be all sacarstic abt it mr perfect. Being an a-hole doesnt help others. U crave control and you dont have it in ur life i guess. Good luck for u man. Thanks again."

No, I'll leave that alone. Except to say -

I was never looking to help anyone other than myself. In that (personal) pursuit 'others' can be helped following my wake. Only arrogance suggests anyone specifically seeks to help others without benefit to self (in spiritual terms that's impossible, there is only the self), including doctors, lawyers, engineers, firefighters, soldiers or whatever the human 'identity' who are all working out the void inside and teaching the self through thought and deed. We teach what we have to learn. This spiritual principal is difficult to grasp, in part due to the entrancement of the physical illusion which suggests (a reality of) separation of objects.

In reality, I am here in my shoebox that we call a home, with my computer, alone, typing to myself. As I lift my eyes I see nothing but space. When feedback comes in any form, either locally or here on this forum, I meet myself... And so do 'you'.

The OP has so succinctly said "you are sarcastic (in approach), act like an a-hole (sometimes), that craves control (interesting)". Taken in context of my teachings then, yes, I would have to agree.