Girlfriend with GAD/panic disorder. HELP

[anon216]

Ok so first I want to thank anyone that was bothered to read this threat.


So basically, as the title suggests, my girlfriend (18 years old) suffers from GAD and panic disorder. The former of the two things is making her just generally anxious and worrisome for the majority of the time. The panic attacks she gets however, are BAD. If she has one, she can't control herself; she starts trembling with fear, she has muscle spasms, she starts twitching and gets very emotional. Also not to mention that after one attack she is physically, mentally en emotionally destroyed; she can't do anything afterwards.
This combination of her being very emotional and generally see her suffer so much is as you can imagine not a pretty sight; especially for the people that love her.

We have not been together for extremely long; 4 months but they were possibly the best 4 months of my life. I love this girl with all my heart, but whenever she has an attack (which are by the way a recent thing; since about a month) I do not know what to do. I try to comfort her, tell her i'll be there for her, tell her that if she needs distance she should just say so, etc. It just doesn't work.

Another problem is, this is all rubbing off on me. I have noticed that over the last month I myself have become influenced by her attacks, but I am afraid of telling her this as I am afraid her anxiety might only increase.

So i have two questions, and I would appreciate it so much if any of you could answer it.
1. In what ways can I (as her boyfriend) help her? She is visiting a psychiatrist, but there must be something I can do. Have any of you experienced similar things and effectively helped your partner?

2. What can I do such that I don't get influenced as much? I know this sounds very selfish of me, but quite frankly with every passing week I feel more unsettled, and I am afraid that I might get GAD as well.

Thanks in advance for anyone that replies.

[jessed03]

It's great to hear that she has a really supportive partner. Believe me, that really makes a difference. I'll try to answer your two questions the best I can. As a suffer of extreme anxiety myself, I guess I'll answer them as if I were telling MY partner how to help.

1.) Being balanced is mighty, mighty important. When anxiety strikes, it's like nothing a normal person has ever experienced. It's like all of a sudden apocalypse has hit, and you just want to run, and run, and run for safety. Your mind goes in several extreme directions. Because of that, you have a hard time making up your mind. You have this feeling that you're losing yourself and you're losing your grip on your life.

Of course everybody experiences that sensation to different extremes, but that's how I remember feeling it. Staying balanced will not only help prevent a second fear from being added to her original anxiety, it will also remind her that her suffering is temporary, and no matter how badly she feels, the worry, the fear, and the the adrenaline spike will end, and she'll come back round to being herself (or semi-herself) again.

Talking is also helpful, but not everyone wants to do that. Some people have anxiety because they have repressed emotions that haven't been dealt with. If she has that problem and she's willing to talk, listening can be helpful. Listening to her talk about her anxiety can also be helpful, but make sure that it's only in a way that's helping her understand it. Don't be the ear that lets her complain about it non-stop giving it time to become a part of her identity.

2.) Taking time for yourself is important, too. Be supportive, but don't be an accessory. Anxiety, as perverse as it sounds, is addictive, and some people don't break the cycle as they'd rather wallow in it than overcome it.

Because of that, you'll need perspective. If you feel she's doing the best she can do to overcome her problem, she should get back to normal fairly soon. Good treatment is effective, even if it isn't perfect. Sucking it up for a couple of months is probably worth it if you love her. And you can remind yourself that it probably will only be that, a couple of months. However, if you don't think her commitment to getting better is good enough, re-think your own position. This illness can suck you up and swallow you forever if you're not careful.

I don't think you will develop GAD, personally. Not if you're smart. Anxiety is stupid. It's illogical. We only suffer from it because our amygdala (in our brain) gets over-stimulated and it clouds our vision. When we're calm, we can usually see how ridiculous it all is.

It's smoke and mirrors, but it's a very real illusion when you're suffering from it. Hopefully, seeing as you're external, you can see how illogical it all is and avoid the trap of falling into it yourself. GAD isn't really something you catch, even through attitude, unless you allow yourself to miss many warning signs.

Still, if you're really worried, try meditating. It's the bomb! :)