Polarlight
02-10-2015, 10:22 AM
My fear of emotion (i think) has driving me to become emotionless. Me myself don't even know what am i feeling at particular moments. Sometimes when i got good news, i should be happy but, i don't know, i don't have a feel, like maybe i suppresed my feeling? I'm afraid that if i become too happy then i'll cry the next day. When my grades dropped where i should be sad but, yeah, no feeling uprise. I mean, no overreaction like i was before. All my thoughts would be, if i'm too overreacting about something then i could get into trouble. And duh, it actually happened several times.
The thing is, it makes me forget my memories. I mean, the memories of childhood, the good or not-so-good memories, i forgot all of them, because the fear of becoming too happy or too sad. One day when my teacher ask me the most unforgettable memory during my childhood, i couldn't remember a thing ya know. I feel like i'm a living robot. Well, i know i shouldn't think like that, but it is easier said than done. I need some words that can give me some energy to challenge it.
The thing is, it makes me forget my memories. I mean, the memories of childhood, the good or not-so-good memories, i forgot all of them, because the fear of becoming too happy or too sad. One day when my teacher ask me the most unforgettable memory during my childhood, i couldn't remember a thing ya know. I feel like i'm a living robot. Well, i know i shouldn't think like that, but it is easier said than done. I need some words that can give me some energy to challenge it.