Panic and anxiety help

[burrisj]

Hi All,

I am new to the forum and am looking for some help. I feel I am running out of options and nothing is working. I am engaged to the most beautiful woman and we are getting married may 2, I couldn't be more excited. Unfortunately, the anxiety and panic attacks are definitely affecting our relationship. I don't expect her to understand what I go through, most of the time I don't understand what I go through. So a little bit about my day. I wake up usually feeling anxious and thoughts constantly run through my head. After hours of dealing with the racing thoughts, I notice I begin to feel detached from my environment and feel out of it and what I have researched its called derealization (extremely scary.) My doctor has put me on 20mg of Lexapro which has decreased and lessened the severity of panic attacks but does nothing for the constant anxiety. I guess you can call me a bit of a Hypochondriac because all I worry about is my health. Just this week I was convinced I have heart issues, or diabetes. Very irrational I know, but I cant think differently. I am 28 year old Male, my bp sits about 114 over 74, heart rate is 65bpm and I am thin. So I know I am healthy but can change my thoughts. Just recently I saw a new doctor for a second opinion and he prescribed me buspar to go with the Lexapro. Of course I researched it and now Im afraid to take the buspar because the possible drug interaction with Lexapro. Something called serotonin syndrome. Please help with any advice or coping mechanisms.

[Im-Suffering]

Two brief comments, I have cut/edited your post to reflect the 2 issues that if reversed would change your life, the rest of your post is fluff, the fear talking (not the real self). These 2 comments by you are (from a system of) beliefs, and are false representations of reality - they were learned (conditioning), as opposed to innate (some character fault or attack on you by the body itself). :




I don't expect her to understand what I go through.

I wake up usually feeling anxious and thoughts constantly run through my head.



1) And this is a general statement, since you don't expect anyone to understand what you go through, and hence even the confusion and doubts with doctors. (you always seem to be misunderstood). Here is the statement that could change your whole life immediately (if coupled with #2 which is the realization that your fearful beliefs do the talking) :

You get what you expect, no exceptions. It is the main rule of physical life and cannot be altered or changed in any way. Now, pause, sit back and think about that in relation to your comment in the quote. (and all of your experiences)

2) The thoughts running through your head (whatever they may be, as you term health related or not), are a faithful representation of different beliefs (ideas held as fact). The 'core' or main belief is deep rooted, so what you see on the 'surface', (nagging thoughts) are offshoots or 'bridged' together to solidify the core. You physically experience these beliefs and so reality will seem to corroborate even if they are negative or false, period.

The beliefs are false because they do not feel good to have them, period. This is the inner childs interpretation of events that the adult, you, never examined or put on the chopping block to measure validity, as an adult, you see. Most childhood beliefs are either outdated or a misrepresentation of events based on an under developed brain, and reasoning faculty.

Example : Your parents expected good grades and diligent study, however you found it hard to apply yourself because the subject matter confused you. Now, they did not get this, and reinforced their actions with punishment if the grades were not to their liking. Not only would you blame the self for the issue, some fault in you, but you would interpret yourself as 'bad' and 'misunderstood'. The events would hold such emotion as to establish a belief (fact) "I am misunderstood", "unloved, unworthy" etc. Now, 30 years go by with a life of misery, the childhood events lost in memory over time, but the belief and feelings remain, you see, they dictate your actions.

Or the example could include parents, grandparents, or caretakers that over-dramatized, blew health issues out of proportion if you should receive the slightest knee scrape, you see, along with their own (inner struggles with 'safety', or) health anxiety, you would today act and react in the same manner, but because the memories are buried your health anxiety would plague you without reason, in any case there would be some form of the belief 'this could lead to a catastrophe', even from a papercut. Always on guard, you would eventually find it hard to leave the house without some paranoia.

If you held both these (example) beliefs, you would have a (seemingly) dire condition that no one, even yourself, could understand, because that would conflict with the inner messages "I am misunderstood". Anxiety is a good example, general anxiety, but even more importantly, during a 'panic attack' you would show true emotions of these 'helpless' feelings. And so the attack itself, in those worst cases would reflect and show the true emotions stirred by the belief. In GAD, the true emotions wont surface but the undertones would direct the daily experience.

These examples are simplified of course, in easy terms, for this message board and so you can begin to open a small crack in the door of your mind (shed some light in), because soon a new life will begin in May and that is triggering you to get your 'footing' so to speak.

So, you understand, the work is mental. Mix and match medications, play all the childrens games you wish for 30 years say, and you will still come back to the main work, which is the psyche healing from false beliefs you hold about yourself and the world. You will always come full circle, it is thy purpose, no matter the creative distractions. What else did you think your life was about?

Lastly, expect your fiancé to understand, and that is what you will experience, even if you don't. However, you cant lie to self if you don't believe it. The child has the belief in most cases "no one understands me" and so regardless of the self suggestions, that is what you will experience until the child heals and interprets reality correctly.

I suggest multiple readings of this post before you allow the fear to react in knee jerk fashion. Or perhaps show it to your fiancé and start things off on the 'right foot' you understand.

Any further questions direct to me in PM and allow some time for answers.

[gypsylee]

Hi All,

I am new to the forum and am looking for some help. I feel I am running out of options and nothing is working. I am engaged to the most beautiful woman and we are getting married may 2, I couldn't be more excited. Unfortunately, the anxiety and panic attacks are definitely affecting our relationship. I don't expect her to understand what I go through, most of the time I don't understand what I go through. So a little bit about my day. I wake up usually feeling anxious and thoughts constantly run through my head. After hours of dealing with the racing thoughts, I notice I begin to feel detached from my environment and feel out of it and what I have researched its called derealization (extremely scary.) My doctor has put me on 20mg of Lexapro which has decreased and lessened the severity of panic attacks but does nothing for the constant anxiety. I guess you can call me a bit of a Hypochondriac because all I worry about is my health. Just this week I was convinced I have heart issues, or diabetes. Very irrational I know, but I cant think differently. I am 28 year old Male, my bp sits about 114 over 74, heart rate is 65bpm and I am thin. So I know I am healthy but can change my thoughts. Just recently I saw a new doctor for a second opinion and he prescribed me buspar to go with the Lexapro. Of course I researched it and now Im afraid to take the buspar because the possible drug interaction with Lexapro. Something called serotonin syndrome. Please help with any advice or coping mechanisms.

Hello and welcome :)

What you describe is textbook anxiety - I understand what you go through and I'm sure a lot of people here do. How long have you had this for?

I'm on Lexapro 20mg as well and I've been on and off SSRIs for twenty years. They do help me out of the acute anxious/depressive episodes but they don't really help the general day-to-day anxiety. To be honest I just stay on them in case I have another "episode" and have to go through the initial side effects you get with SSRIs. Buspar I've never been on and don't know anything about.

The thing with anxiety is we have dysfunctional thought patterns which get very ingrained after years and years of having them. These are caused by false beliefs (which Im-Suffering talks about). You say a couple of times that you can't change your thoughts.. The thing is you can, but it isn't easy. Have you looked into CBT at all? That's one way of looking at your thought patterns and trying to change them - you compare what you think to what the reality is and over time develop new ways of thinking. The mind is not set in stone, contrary to popular belief.

The other thing you need to work on is the physical side of anxiety, which I think gets overlooked a lot. I like to think of anxiety as less of a mental illness (as is the mainstream view) and more of a physical one. The nervous system of anxious people gets set on "high alert" and out of balance.. This is why with acute anxiety you can't sleep - the body thinks if it sleeps it might get attacked by a bear! Same with eating or any activity that stops us being ready to fight or flee.

However, there are lots of things you can do to tell the nervous system that it doesn't need to be on high alert. Learning how to breathe properly and doing it regularly is number one. Physical exercise and eating well is also very helpful. Then there are lots of herbs and supplements you can take. Have a look in the "stickies" at a post by PanicCured called "Techniques I Used To Overcome My Anxiety" (or something). It's a great read (funny too) with lots of good ideas about how to help your nervous system.

If I had've known this stuff twenty years ago I would've been saved so much misery. The only "help" I really got was script after script of medication, some of which made me ten times worse. I was quite clueless about what was causing this terrible anxiety and I pretty much did everything you shouldn't do! So hopefully you can use some of these ideas and start to tackle your anxiety before your wedding :)

All the best to you,
Gypsy x

[Im-Suffering]

Let it be known and recognized, that 'panic attacks' are communication from the inner self, period. In similar terms, a war or attack is communication from the 'other' side. And so the term 'enemy' is used often in describing your own health. It is an attempt to communicate. However unenlightened the course of action. You say "I will use the army of my body to attack my mind, and through that act of war, I will somehow enlighten as to the nature of the miscommunication".


Now, with that understood :

No one should invalidate this communication. Usually those with nervous stress have been invalidated in some way (repressed) from peers/family and thus they would want to break this 'curse' by honoring and loving the self. (as with a nation at war, it too is repressed and believes its ideals invalidated).

So called panic attacks have a voice, and since most deafen and suppress that voice in lieu of everyday concerns, the inner self must often give a scream "HEY..we've got something to say in here"

And so attaching a voice, validating and listening to the feelings, putting them to words which during the attack are CONSCIOUS. During the crying, the shaking, the palpitating, the tremendous fear, the sweating, the stomach upsets..LISTEN.. And you will be clear as to your predicament.

"I am so alone, I feel so lonely, don't you love me, Im such a failure, I cant believe life turned out this way, they hate me, look at the pressure, I belong in jail, I deserve to suffer, Im bad, Im abandoned, please just hug me"

A footnote : Health anxiety is not the cause of your attacks. it is the tool used to raise awareness of the real issue. "I feel so alone, my life is worthless" And so in many cases the heart acts out physically, what the emotion speaks. A symbolic translation. The heart will 'behave' (normally), when there is a love transplant. Often a change of heart, you see, benefits the patient and the issues completely clear. Now, this is just a simplified example, each one of you is unique in your experience and there is a multitude of possible thoughts and feelings to bear.

If one recovers for the moment (ending the 'episode' but ignorant of its meaning), and have successfully brushed off the feelings or invalidated the thoughts, then they will surely meet with you again another time.

Each one of you knows, (intuitively) what you must do to heal (by this inner communication). Playing a children's game of hide and go seek, and then deliberately scaring the self by watching a horror picture on tv is faulty conditioning. The fear is as real as the tv show, period. When you are finished shaking in your boots at the images before your eyes, you simply change channels for a different emotion.


In terms relatable to each of you, the channel is a belief, each belief triggering a different emotion, and so to feel differently, one must change the belief, by first validating it (own it) and then examining it (does it feel good or bad) - finding a new perspective, period. A belief directs your life, however it is just an idea about life. Ideas are not rigid, as one would presume. Nor are they facts that go unquestioned as some innate characteristic of life itself. Thus they are more often than not false interpretations.

You are living (within the framework of) a false interpretation of reality.

For those with ears that can hear. This message goes way beyond the OP. To every reader. The OP was just kind enough to lend us his problems to we can shine a light for everyone by examining them.