mikecole114
02-02-2015, 04:54 PM
Hello,
So this time last year I was struggling massively with depression and anxiety and a host of other problems
I started with anxiety for about a year
I began smoking weed to combat my anxiety
I left to Go to university and everything got worse and I went to the doctors who prescribed me citlopram and sertraline (sssi's) and a beta blocker.
After about 6 months I began taking cbt therapy
Which was an absolute need while I was depressed and away from home, isolating my anxiety and depression in my head.
But was often home and then at university which meant my care was completely uncoordinated which enabled me to get a big supply of the beta blockers from both home and my doctor at uni, I then in January 2014 attempted suicide by taking these pills, I was unsuccessful twice more in the weeks after.
The cbt helped as I was able to talk to someone once a week for an hour, which until my last session consisted of me crying my eyes about to a graduate who hardly seemed interested in my problems. So much so that at the end of my uni year, going home for summer he never once contacted me again despite obviously being far from sane.
When I left uni for summer I stopped taking the sssi's and began to feel better at which time I realise I wasn't depressed until I began taking them?
When I returned to my uni in September I went to see my GP who had no recollection of who I was, straight away( after telling him I was anxious) he gave me two big boxes of the beta blocker I had tried to kill myself on 3 times. At the time I felt so bad I agreed they would help and took them without telling him about last time. I thought I could kill myself with it if things got bad again and stored them away without using them as prescribed.
It's now many months later from September, when my depression lifted I believed the anxiety would too, In fact for a while I was so optimistic I thought I was cute from GAD and blocked out any thought related to it, but it creeped back and I now realise that I can't just hope it will go away I need constructive advice and medical help.
I'm sorry for writing all this but I wanted to ask everyone what path I should take next, but got a bit distracted with detail ( though it does feel good to write chronologically how it happened)
So now I'm feeling confident, confident in my ability to get help with my anxiety and maybe ready to talk about it more openly with family and friends
But I am still deeply ashamed, embarrassed, resentful, about my anxiety. Most people just don't understand, to this point I've kept this to myself flirting with some of the detail on occasion ( and very very thankfully talking on here)
But now I need new help,
Counselling? ( uni and home travelling disrupts any stability)
I would like to try a new anti anxiety drug ( if there are any) the beta blockers never worked and the sssi's made my problems 100 fold worse.
I want to be able to accept my issue rather then fight it now
Thank you to anyone who reads this
Please please comment below, ever to say that you had similar treatment from ur GP or that u didn't get depressed until you took the sssi's.
I just want to know that this secret confidential story I have just announced to the world which has been kept in my head for so long is relatable to others
So this time last year I was struggling massively with depression and anxiety and a host of other problems
I started with anxiety for about a year
I began smoking weed to combat my anxiety
I left to Go to university and everything got worse and I went to the doctors who prescribed me citlopram and sertraline (sssi's) and a beta blocker.
After about 6 months I began taking cbt therapy
Which was an absolute need while I was depressed and away from home, isolating my anxiety and depression in my head.
But was often home and then at university which meant my care was completely uncoordinated which enabled me to get a big supply of the beta blockers from both home and my doctor at uni, I then in January 2014 attempted suicide by taking these pills, I was unsuccessful twice more in the weeks after.
The cbt helped as I was able to talk to someone once a week for an hour, which until my last session consisted of me crying my eyes about to a graduate who hardly seemed interested in my problems. So much so that at the end of my uni year, going home for summer he never once contacted me again despite obviously being far from sane.
When I left uni for summer I stopped taking the sssi's and began to feel better at which time I realise I wasn't depressed until I began taking them?
When I returned to my uni in September I went to see my GP who had no recollection of who I was, straight away( after telling him I was anxious) he gave me two big boxes of the beta blocker I had tried to kill myself on 3 times. At the time I felt so bad I agreed they would help and took them without telling him about last time. I thought I could kill myself with it if things got bad again and stored them away without using them as prescribed.
It's now many months later from September, when my depression lifted I believed the anxiety would too, In fact for a while I was so optimistic I thought I was cute from GAD and blocked out any thought related to it, but it creeped back and I now realise that I can't just hope it will go away I need constructive advice and medical help.
I'm sorry for writing all this but I wanted to ask everyone what path I should take next, but got a bit distracted with detail ( though it does feel good to write chronologically how it happened)
So now I'm feeling confident, confident in my ability to get help with my anxiety and maybe ready to talk about it more openly with family and friends
But I am still deeply ashamed, embarrassed, resentful, about my anxiety. Most people just don't understand, to this point I've kept this to myself flirting with some of the detail on occasion ( and very very thankfully talking on here)
But now I need new help,
Counselling? ( uni and home travelling disrupts any stability)
I would like to try a new anti anxiety drug ( if there are any) the beta blockers never worked and the sssi's made my problems 100 fold worse.
I want to be able to accept my issue rather then fight it now
Thank you to anyone who reads this
Please please comment below, ever to say that you had similar treatment from ur GP or that u didn't get depressed until you took the sssi's.
I just want to know that this secret confidential story I have just announced to the world which has been kept in my head for so long is relatable to others