terrified!!

[flanker99]

hello to all. i am adoctor by profession. just got out of medical school last year. i am from India. started giving the USMLE series of exams last year. gave the final exam in the series of 3 exams on 21st may 2008. results are expected on 6th august ie 2 days from now. i have got very good scores in the last 2 exams. but i feel kind of terrified as to what the result of this final exam will be. success will mean so much but failure will be a big big blow. initially i felt confident that i will get through, but now since the past few days i feel terrible. just cant get my mind off the whole thing. dont know what to do. when ever i try to distract myself by thinking something good about the future, a thought crosses my mind ' what if i fail this exam. i am dead. evrything will be over' . i felt terrified before the results of previous exams. but this time its different. thing is that i was an average student in medical school. but the kind of scores i got in the USMLE exams, surprised me and evryone. i never thought that i could do so well. but that was the start of all troubles. with each exam the stakes have got bigger and bigger. it like , if i dont get equally good scores , people will ridicule me. they will say that it was just a flash in the man. the situation was so terrible before the result of last exam that i thought that if i get poor scores, something really bad should happen to me. that i should be dead if i get poor scores. i know that i am talking like a fool, even though i am a doctor. but the problem is that life is so tough. so much competition. its a rat race. really dont know what to do. cant concentrate , cant relax. sometimes i feel that there should be a remote control so that i can fast forward these 2 days and get over with the whole thing, irrespective of the end result. its like a slow death. thats all what i wanted to say people. thanks for listening to me. will definitely let u know what happens on wednesday. nobody to talk to, thats why i felt that i should release all my pent up emotions somewhere. good bye. looking forward to wednesday