CONSTANT worry and fears

[doug39]

I am sure you have all heard this before but I need advice.

I am a 51 year old man and have had bouts with anxiety and stress most of my life. It has been at its worst the last 5 or 6 years. It seems the older I get the worse anxiety gets.

Everything stresses me out; even if it is going out to a fun social event or going on a vacation - I worry and stress over everything. I am only relieved when the event is over.

When I know something is coming up I obsess over it and I get Depersonalisation and Derealisation type feelings that sometimes throw me into a panic attack.

My latest dilemma is that I am overdue to go see my doctor. I am supposed to go see him every 6 months to treat my high blood pressure. I have not seen him since March of last year and I only have enough medication to last until February 23 - I can't get a refill without seeing him.

Everytime I go to the doctor I have a panic attack; and the days leading up to the appointment are one big stress fest. I haven't even made an appointment yet but my days are consumed with the thoughts and fears of having to go see the doctor.

I can't enjoy my life because everything gives me anxiety. Going to a movie, go to a friends house, going grocery shopping - everything gives me anxiety. Sure, some days are better than others but most days as of late have been bad.

Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.

[Im-Suffering]

I am sure you have all heard this before but I need advice.

I am a 51 year old man and have had bouts with anxiety and stress most of my life. It has been at its worst the last 5 or 6 years. It seems the older I get the worse anxiety gets.

Everything stresses me out; even if it is going out to a fun social event or going on a vacation - I worry and stress over everything. I am only relieved when the event is over.

When I know something is coming up I obsess over it and I get Depersonalisation and Derealisation type feelings that sometimes throw me into a panic attack.

My latest dilemma is that I am overdue to go see my doctor. I am supposed to go see him every 6 months to treat my high blood pressure. I have not seen him since March of last year and I only have enough medication to last until February 23 - I can't get a refill without seeing him.

Everytime I go to the doctor I have a panic attack; and the days leading up to the appointment are one big stress fest. I haven't even made an appointment yet but my days are consumed with the thoughts and fears of having to go see the doctor.

I can't enjoy my life because everything gives me anxiety. Going to a movie, go to a friends house, going grocery shopping - everything gives me anxiety. Sure, some days are better than others but most days as of late have been bad.

Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.

It is certainly difficult to deal with a child in a mans body. Especially as the man ages, and the inner child gets closer to its own death. All those years of self protection turns to regret as the child begins to wonder if there is another way to live, confronted with its own eventual demise that creeps closer and closer upon him.

While fear is the culprit, rather the running from it, you must know:

indecision > worry > doubt > fear > and back to indecision. A vicious circle indeed.

Now the first paragraph was not intended to confuse, but to catch a glimpse of the workings of the mind, there is much more here Doug, than meets the eye.

How long have you been running? Since early childhood now, and so fear has become the way you frame your experience.You come from it (as a base), period.

In any case, it is your journey, one that you must face, eventually. In the case with the doctors, it would benefit you to see him, as you intuitively know, at least facing that fear for the moment, as it will be over soon enough. Indecision (unresolved mental problems) is the fuel of anxiety, no exceptions.

In a very real sense, physical life is about moving towards, not away from, coming closer to, and not running. And so there is a very clear separation between love (closeness) and fear (separation).

How long have you been running, Doug. What are the beliefs they taught you about yourself and the world, and what were your own conclusions drawn from that hurt childs perspective about who you believed you were? To the inner child, 51 years is the blink of an eye, it will wait for eternity for recognition and healing from the false beliefs that distort its (your) perception.

The work needs to be done in those areas. Going to the doctors, the movies, these acts are the result of, and not the cause of the mental landscape. If the internal pictures are painted in the imagination of doom, gloom, and uncertainty, than that is what you will face as you go about life, those beliefs translated into emotions, felt as anxiety.

It is fashionable for some to say 'conquer your fears by sitting through them', forced repetition of acts of courage, say, but ofcourse there is much more to it, as we have briefly explored here.

The full exploration is yours alone.

[doug39]

Thanks. I think I understand what you are saying.

Any tips on how to cope or how to change?

[Im-Suffering]

Thanks. I think I understand what you are saying.

Any tips on how to cope or how to change?

Reread it several times. (I have added a bit as well). The tips and the way are in the post.

You don't cope....however. You face.

Its your work, you see? You have been waiting 51 years to do it.

I am not being short, or curt with you, I cannot do the work for you. It must come from within and be a firm, assertive decision. That in itself will instantly give you a sense of power. Unless you backtrack, and back out. Then you will feel the shame, guilt, and regrets.

A good example of course is the procrastination with the doctor visit as opposed to the self-empowerment you feel afterward on those occasions where you showed yourself symbolically capable. That does not mean you wont shake in your boots the whole time, you see.

[gypsylee]

I am sure you have all heard this before but I need advice.

I am a 51 year old man and have had bouts with anxiety and stress most of my life. It has been at its worst the last 5 or 6 years. It seems the older I get the worse anxiety gets.

Everything stresses me out; even if it is going out to a fun social event or going on a vacation - I worry and stress over everything. I am only relieved when the event is over.

When I know something is coming up I obsess over it and I get Depersonalisation and Derealisation type feelings that sometimes throw me into a panic attack.

My latest dilemma is that I am overdue to go see my doctor. I am supposed to go see him every 6 months to treat my high blood pressure. I have not seen him since March of last year and I only have enough medication to last until February 23 - I can't get a refill without seeing him.

Everytime I go to the doctor I have a panic attack; and the days leading up to the appointment are one big stress fest. I haven't even made an appointment yet but my days are consumed with the thoughts and fears of having to go see the doctor.

I can't enjoy my life because everything gives me anxiety. Going to a movie, go to a friends house, going grocery shopping - everything gives me anxiety. Sure, some days are better than others but most days as of late have been bad.

Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.

I see Im-Suffering is onto this.. :)

I've had severe anxiety since my teens, so 20-30 years. I find it is getting better as I get older though. That is mostly because I've gone out of my comfort zone a lot, which is along the lines of what Im-Suffering is saying, I think.

My mother is in her 70s and she is still trapped in a way of thinking that causes terrible anxiety. She will never get out of it. I think this is because she was never willing to face her demons eg. When it came to counsellors she'd go to one session and refuse to go back, saying "this will just open a can of worms" and "I'm too old to change". That was when she was in her 50s. So she's had twenty years to change now lol. This is somewhat generational because people born in the 1940s were raised to keep a tight lid on things. But she is an example of someone who will never escape their anxiety and it just gets worse as they get older.

I laughed at your comment about the days leading up to the doctor being "one big stress fest" :) that's exactly what mum's like (and she is deteriorating physically so doctors are a big part of her life). I used to be like that but I've been forced to face it in a way because of various circumstances in my life. Now I take these things as they come a lot more.

Don't get me wrong - I still have episodes of intense anxiety. But I don't drink myself to sleep anymore or spend my days zonked out on pills. In a way I dealt with my anxiety so badly that it forced me into facing up to it in my 30s. Whereas someone like my mother functioned relatively normally but finds herself in her 70s with the same thought patterns and the same way of relating to others.

So I guess what I'm saying is it's never too late to change your way of thinking. You're already on the right track posting here about how you feel.

All the best to you :)
Gypsy x

[Kelsey2009]

Hello David,

I have found that before I go to the doctor writing down a list of the things I want to talk to them about helps with my anxiety. I also do some self-talking like telling myself I've been to this doctor a million times, I know them, I am just going in for my blood pressure nothing scary and so on. Helps sometimes. Also, have you ever tried yoga and relaxation techniques I have found that these help me. I am trying to get in the habit of spending 30 minutes everyday just relaxing. Doing some yoga and stretched and breathing exercises.

[doug39]

Hello David,

I have found that before I go to the doctor writing down a list of the things I want to talk to them about helps with my anxiety. I also do some self-talking like telling myself I've been to this doctor a million times, I know them, I am just going in for my blood pressure nothing scary and so on. Helps sometimes. Also, have you ever tried yoga and relaxation techniques I have found that these help me. I am trying to get in the habit of spending 30 minutes everyday just relaxing. Doing some yoga and stretched and breathing exercises.

Thank you Kelsey, but just going to the doctor's office causes me insane anxiety. The visits are always rough. Normally my blood pressure is fine when I take it at home. I am often in panic mode when I go to my appointment and when the nurse takes my blood pressure it is sky high - because I am super stressed. After I find out my blood pressure so high, as I wait for the doctor I freak out even more - so I am reduced to a bumbling mess who can't think straight when the doctor comes in.

I then fear he will detect something wrong with me. I have actually almost passed out during an exam; and when I had to go for an MRI I did completely pass out - then ended up giving me oxygen and putting me on a heart monitor until I was stable.

Now that I am over 50 I know my doctor will start pushing for me to get a colonoscopy and prostate checks - this is another major fear.

I have been on high blood pressure meds for over 3 years now and I need my doctor to write a new prescription - that is the only reason I have to go. I could just blow it off and quit the meds - but I fear I will have a stroke if I quit the meds.

I am so sick of me.

[Kelsey2009]

Well I dont know where you are from or what hospital you go but with my doctor I can request refills on prescriptions through my online page (all patients have a log in and can access their health records, email doctors, and request appointment and prescriptions) Also I can call the nurse line. If nothing has changed in your condition and it is the same prescription maybe you can see if your doctors office offers something like this. Also, I know I have had my pharmacist call and reorder prescriptions with the doctors office. Not that I want to enable you avoiding your fears because I have found with myself that facing the things that cause me anxiety (sometimes) makes me see I have been worrying for nothing.

Hopefully you can figure something out so that you dont cause yourself too much anxiety but still get what you need to be healthy.

Oh and i totally get the blood pressure thing. Ive been like that since I was little, they just started taking my blood pressure on the way out as well to get an accurate reading.

Best wishes :)

[h_rock]

Im-Suffering is spot on.

I'm 30 and already know I have let a number of years of my life become much less enjoyable than they could have been because of my anxiety. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I do not face it head on and do the things I want to do despite the way I feel that I will look back with regret.

You still have plenty of time, and what you are likely to find as I have is that by facing it, no matter how difficult it initially seems is the only way to feel better.

Anxiety and panic are both a lie, you must call their bluff to be able to see it for yourself. Once you do you will stop believing all those thoughts you currently have and will want to do more and more.

It simply comes down to a choice.

Good luck.

Hugo

[doug39]

Hello all.

So with super anxiety, I made it through my doctor's appointment. Everything went great; I now feel like a fool since I wasted so much time and energy worrying about seeing the doctor.

The feeling of relief after the appointment and the self esteem boost I got from facing my fears was awesome. I wish I could bottle that feeling and sell it - it is better than any high out there!!

Thank you for your support and kind words. I need to remember this day and apply it to future stressful situations.

[gypsylee]

Hello all.

So with super anxiety, I made it through my doctor's appointment. Everything went great; I now feel like a fool since I wasted so much time and energy worrying about seeing the doctor.

The feeling of relief after the appointment and the self esteem boost I got from facing my fears was awesome. I wish I could bottle that feeling and sell it - it is better than any high out there!!

Thank you for your support and kind words. I need to remember this day and apply it to future stressful situations.

Good work Doug :)