I always get bored when I'm alone

[OutdoorHiker]

Hey ya'll... question... I'm always beyond bored when I'm alone! It drives me crazy! I can't sit around and watch TV like I use to. I always gotta be doing something! However, if I'm with someone and we're just sitting around doing nothing I'm completely fine! ...It's only when I'm alone that I get all antsy... I always wanna be w/ my best friend so that I don't get this way but I know he has a life him self! Is this normal? IDK what to do... IDK where to go here in Knoxville to meet people either...

[JustaGal]

Hey ya'll... question... I'm always beyond bored when I'm alone! It drives me crazy! I can't sit around and watch TV like I use to. I always gotta be doing something! However, if I'm with someone and we're just sitting around doing nothing I'm completely fine! ...It's only when I'm alone that I get all antsy... I always wanna be w/ my best friend so that I don't get this way but I know he has a life him self! Is this normal? IDK what to do... IDK where to go here in Knoxville to meet people either...

http://www.meetup.com/find/?allMeetups=false&keywords=hiking&radius=50&userFreeform=Knoxville%2C+Tennessee%2C+USA&mcId=c37901&sort=default

[Kuma]

There must be a ton of ways to meet new people in Knoxville. What are you interested in? Your name is Outdoor Hiker so maybe you would be interested in a hiking club, such as this one: http://www.smhclub.org/ But if not that, what are your other interests? I am sure you can find everything from religious organizations to charitable organizations to sports clubs to dining clubs, book clubs, bars to hang out at. I sort of like being by myself -- reading and relaxing, etc. But if are the type who wants to get out there and meet people, it is certainly doable. I would start by thinking about your interests, so you meet people who have similar interests.

[OutdoorHiker]

i love hiking.. but the thing is all the meet ups are always on days where I'm working... i would go to bars but id feel kinda weird going alone! As for volunteering i really dont know where id volunteer...

[JustaGal]

i love hiking.. but the thing is all the meet ups are always on days where I'm working... i would go to bars but id feel kinda weird going alone! As for volunteering i really dont know where id volunteer...

keep at it....you'll find something good!

[OutdoorHiker]

hopefully! :(

[Im-Suffering]

I always get scared when I'm alone.


hopefully! :(

Your posts are all smoke and mirrors, and so are the responses, because that is what you attract. Friends will come to you (like magic) when you are ready. With no effort. I say that because it doesn't matter if you force yourself into a bar, or if you are walking through a graveyard reading the stones, if its meant to be, than your future mate will be reading the stones too, on that exact day, in that exact moment.

You have problems/issues 'needy' feelings, from fears, abandonment, the (blinding fear of) loss of love, and these have to be worked out first, should you attract and keep any warm body by your side. The answers you seek are not on a message board but within the 'antsy' feelings. So throw yourself alone in a closet and sit there, throw away the key, until you discover the hidden psychosis.

"why am I feeling this way"
"why am I feeling this way"
'why am I feeling this way"

"why am I feeling this way"

Quote:

"i love hiking.. but the thing is all the meet ups are always on days where I'm working... i would go to bars but id feel kinda weird going alone! As for volunteering i really dont know where id volunteer... "

Excuses. Diversions. Smoke and mirrors for your inner beliefs. The belief (behind the fears) is talking here. That is the voice you present .

Alone, you will find the answers, because alone is the scary place, and so into alone you must go...Alone. And then, when you come out, you will never be lonely again.

[Kuma]

To say, as I'm Suff does, that you will meet your future mate "if it is meant to be," sounds nice (the quaint notion of beshert), but in reality this is (at least) as much a practical issue as a psychological one. In the real world, you don't meet people because you "were meant" to meet them. Instead, you meet them because you are -- or you go -- places where they are. Hiking, Working, Volunteering, Praying, Studying, Drinking, Play Sports (or I guess reading grave stones, as I'm Suff posits, though some of the other options might have better odds).

Unlike I'm Suffering, I don't think you have to look for any "hidden psychosis." And I don't think it will help very much to try to convince yourself (or for anyone else to try to convince you) that you have some sort of psychosis -- hidden or otherwise.

Instead, I think you are dealing with a problem that many, many other people face -- being lonely and not sure how to meet people. This does not make you psychotic or that you have to rely on fate to solve this problem for you. Instead, you just have to get your arse out of the house and meet people.

You say you would feel awkward going to a bar by yourself? So what, go anyway. Feeling awkward is not so terrible. You can always leave if you are not having a good time. Or call the hiking club and tell them the days you don't work and ask if they know of anyone who would like to do some day hikes on those days. Or join a softball league (or whatever sport you like) or take a class in something you are interested in (you have a great university right near you). You say you don't know where you would volunteer? Have you tried at all to find volunteer opportunities you would be interested in? What have you done to try? Did you look here: http://www.cityofknoxville.org/newcomers/volunteers.asp or here: http://www.knoxcac.org/newweb/volunteer-opportunities or just google "volunteer in Knoxville" and you will find dozens of possibilities. You are, after all, in the "Volunteer State"!

You have two choices -- you can continue to bemoan your loneliness or you can do something about it. Your choice.

[Im-Suffering]

We are not dealing with black and white here (for your edification.) (This post is for you in that respect Kuma, and contains other threads by the OP, snippets for reference sake. The reason he continues to 'bemoan' loneliness is because its a core belief, and for this person, one that has had control for his lifetime framing all experience, thus far) -


To say, as I'm Suff does, that you will meet your future mate "if it is meant to be," sounds nice (the quaint notion of beshert), but in reality this is (at least) as much a practical issue as a psychological one. In the real world, you don't meet people because you "were meant" to meet them. Instead, you meet them because you are -- or you go -- places where they are. Hiking, Working, Volunteering, Praying, Studying, Drinking, Play Sports (or I guess reading grave stones, as I'm Suff posits, though some of the other options might have better odds).

Unlike I'm Suffering, I don't think you have to look for any "hidden psychosis." And I don't think it will help very much to try to convince yourself (or for anyone else to try to convince you) that you have some sort of psychosis -- hidden or otherwise.

Instead, I think you are dealing with a problem that many, many other people face -- being lonely and not sure how to meet people. This does not make you psychotic or that you have to rely on fate to solve this problem for you. Instead, you just have to get your arse out of the house and meet people.

You say you would feel awkward going to a bar by yourself? So what, go anyway. Feeling awkward is not so terrible. You can always leave if you are not having a good time. Or call the hiking club and tell them the days you don't work and ask if they know of anyone who would like to do some day hikes on those days. Or join a softball league (or whatever sport you like) or take a class in something you are interested in (you have a great university right near you). You say you don't know where you would volunteer? Have you tried at all to find volunteer opportunities you would be interested in? What have you done to try? Did you look here: http://www.cityofknoxville.org/newcomers/volunteers.asp or here: http://www.knoxcac.org/newweb/volunteer-opportunities or just google "volunteer in Knoxville" and you will find dozens of possibilities. You are, after all, in the "Volunteer State"!

You have two choices -- you can continue to bemoan your loneliness or you can do something about it. Your choice.

I wont add much typographical emphasis, (except the bolded)- the rest is self evident.

"My names Chris! I'm looking to really use this forum as a support system! I've recently moved to my new area. Came here with out knowing a single person. I've been down here for almost a year now. Since I've moved down here I have made one best friend! We use to text constantly and hang out with each other none stop... then probably about 3 months ago IDK we just just some communication a bit and I'm scared that I'll lose him as my best friend... He's been the greatest friend I have ever had... all my previous friends have not been there as he has for me and I've never had as much fun as I have had since I met him... however, there's been times.... as this past weekend where I'll call him or text him and not get a single response... and I'm constantly worried when he does not answer me... I haven't spoken/seen to him since Friday and now it's Sunday night... I texted him on Saturday after work and got nothing and today I've sent multiple texts and called his cell a few times and went striahgt to voice mail except for once.... I guess before I met him I was always alone... even really before I moved away from my other friends... and I want to hang with him/text with him all the time... I don't feel this is healthy but at the same time I'm always worrying from not hearing from him and keep thinking of him all the time... IDK what to do! My anxiety over this is killing me... It doesn't really help that he's really my other friend... I mean I have one other friend but when I'm with them all I'm thinking about is how I wish I was hanging with him... I just don't know what to do..."

And: (question) "are your feelings about missing your friend affecting your ability to function/"

"Yes, you could say that....i mean all my life i never had good friends and since i met him all i want to do is hang with him... I've never had a good friend as him and i tell him all the time hes my best friend and that hes been the greatest friend I've ever had... i mean i think of him all the time and i look at my phone 10,000 times a day hoping hed text me! which he dis today! i try not to text him a lot and give him his space but i guess i never connected with a friend line i have with him... I've told him i think of him as a brother.... "

You would not want to take this behavior into a marriage, for example, and so the OP must learn now through trial and error with 'disposable' friends, so to speak, the error of his ways.

_________________

And in response to 'if its meant to be":

He will attract his friends, and be at the right place at the right time. ** According to his beliefs **. Speaking of which, are present in spades in the above 2 quoted texts. And in a moment of clarity, where he caught himself, so to speak, his intuition told him this behavior is 'unhealthy' psychologically. But, that moment as we see is fleeting. The inner self is always trying to balance or correct with slight manipulations, mentally, but is often ignored, drowned out by the much larger commanding voice.

"Friendship" (love) as a concept now, needs examining by this person (learn to listen/trust his inner self), in relation to both conditioning and childhood beliefs. So you see its not as easy as "go here or there" because he will take himself wherever he goes, so to speak. It is not about 'keeping' his one and only friend, its about asking the self "why have I never truly had a (meaningful) friend or relationship?". Honest and open, unafraid to listen for a response.

Yet again, and partly because of our discourse, even if the OP remains naïve, this thread can and will help others through time who are ready for such inner exploration in regards to their own struggle, in reference to the topic here or whatever else that might be. In that regard each post is dual purpose, and tailored for everyone who reads it. Somewhere, someone, will be of benefit from what such examination exposes, you see.

And that's how you change the world.

[Kuma]

There's a role for deep self-exploration. But there is also a role for just going out there and doing some practical stuff to improve the quality of your life.

Some people will benefit from intense introspection and self-exploration. Others will just get bogged down in it -- and dragged down further.

Years ago, I knew a guy who was new to his city, recently retired, also suffering from an illness, and feeling lonely. He could have gone the self-exploration and analysis route. But he just wasn't that kind of guy. So instead he bought season tickets to a minor league baseball team, and started going to games. He met the guys who sat around him -- pretty much the same crowd at every game -- especially the weekday day games, and made some friends. This was a tangible step he took, which materially improved the quality of his life. It was cheaper than therapy, and -- at least for him -- it worked pretty well.

So, there's more than one way to skin a cat, so to speak. One guy might "listen to his inner self" and go looking for his "hidden psychosis." Another guy might start going to some baseball games. To each his (or her) own.

[gypsylee]

Hey ya'll... question... I'm always beyond bored when I'm alone! It drives me crazy! I can't sit around and watch TV like I use to. I always gotta be doing something! However, if I'm with someone and we're just sitting around doing nothing I'm completely fine! ...It's only when I'm alone that I get all antsy... I always wanna be w/ my best friend so that I don't get this way but I know he has a life him self! Is this normal? IDK what to do... IDK where to go here in Knoxville to meet people either...

I'm an introvert so I love being alone and I get quite exhausted if I'm around other people for too long. I think it's a bit of a problem if you can't handle being by yourself because it makes you dependent on others for contentment. But I know lots of people are like this.

You should start reading books :) There's nothing better than getting really into a good book.

Good luck..
Gypsy x