girlfromla
01-23-2015, 10:16 AM
Hello everyone! I'm new here and I'm looking for friends to help me get through this.
A little about myself
I'm almost 35. I have a son, a daughter, and my husbands niece a foster daughter of 3 year's. I've been married since 2001. I feel like I have a blessed and happy life but my doctor thinks I'm depressed and have anxiety. A couple of doctors through the years have told me this but I must be in denial.
A little history that I hope doesn't bore you too much.
I grew up in poverty. I am the oldest of four. My step dad was an alcoholic who molested me for years. I actually remember the first time when I was about 5 and the last time I was 11. I told my mom what He was doing but she stayed with him. I remember always making sure it was me not my 2 younger sisters or baby brother. I always remember him being drunk when messing with me. I hate the smell of beer. Step dad has been sober for a very long time. We all have a good relationship now. I don't understand how that's even possible. It's like it never happened. But I still think about it. When I was 15 I was raped by a boy I snuck into my room but nothing was done about it because I started it and tried to get out of it. I moved in with my now husband when I was 17. Married when I was 21. I found his 2 year old niece drowned in his moms pool. I called 911 and did CPR but she died at the hospital. Now I'm overly protective of my kids. I won't let them out of my sight. Its really affecting my 11 year old son. I make him worry too. I've got to figure out how to change this. Skip forward. 2012 my husband and I step in to take custody of his 14 yr old nephew and 5 year old niece when cps takes custody of them from my sis n law after a severe domestic dispute. One night I think I saw the nephew messing with my son while my son slept. Given my past I was my sure if my mind made this up. Never the less I had cps remove him from my home. I couldn't risk it. Last year their troubled older brother was killed in a car wreck down the road from our house. I knew this kid since he was 2. I was heartbroken. One month later I was in The hospital room when my father in law passed away.
Dealing with cps, the certification process for foster parents, and my not so grateful sister in law calling me names its been a rough couple of years. Her rights were terminated and we are likely to adopt niece it's still in appeals so it's dragging on And on and on and I'm constantly worried I'm going to have to give up the little girl I've raised for 3 years. She is the same age as my daughter so I worry for my daughter losing a sister too.
Anyway I forgot to add I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2005. I never believed I had it. O hate medicine. I'm actually terrified of taking anything altering my mind. I just can't get passed the initial side effects. Well for the past month I have been dizzy short of breath and so darn unmotivated to do anything. Oh and it's way worse when I drive. So after blood tests, ekg, and ct scans I have been told there is nothing wrong. Just like always. Sigh. Doc said whether I'm ready to admit it or not she thinks it's anxiety So tonight I'm giving in and starting the 10mg celexa I was prescribed. I'm doing it tonight so my hubby will be home with me all weekend. I'm scared of taking it.
Thanks for reading this much.
A little about myself
I'm almost 35. I have a son, a daughter, and my husbands niece a foster daughter of 3 year's. I've been married since 2001. I feel like I have a blessed and happy life but my doctor thinks I'm depressed and have anxiety. A couple of doctors through the years have told me this but I must be in denial.
A little history that I hope doesn't bore you too much.
I grew up in poverty. I am the oldest of four. My step dad was an alcoholic who molested me for years. I actually remember the first time when I was about 5 and the last time I was 11. I told my mom what He was doing but she stayed with him. I remember always making sure it was me not my 2 younger sisters or baby brother. I always remember him being drunk when messing with me. I hate the smell of beer. Step dad has been sober for a very long time. We all have a good relationship now. I don't understand how that's even possible. It's like it never happened. But I still think about it. When I was 15 I was raped by a boy I snuck into my room but nothing was done about it because I started it and tried to get out of it. I moved in with my now husband when I was 17. Married when I was 21. I found his 2 year old niece drowned in his moms pool. I called 911 and did CPR but she died at the hospital. Now I'm overly protective of my kids. I won't let them out of my sight. Its really affecting my 11 year old son. I make him worry too. I've got to figure out how to change this. Skip forward. 2012 my husband and I step in to take custody of his 14 yr old nephew and 5 year old niece when cps takes custody of them from my sis n law after a severe domestic dispute. One night I think I saw the nephew messing with my son while my son slept. Given my past I was my sure if my mind made this up. Never the less I had cps remove him from my home. I couldn't risk it. Last year their troubled older brother was killed in a car wreck down the road from our house. I knew this kid since he was 2. I was heartbroken. One month later I was in The hospital room when my father in law passed away.
Dealing with cps, the certification process for foster parents, and my not so grateful sister in law calling me names its been a rough couple of years. Her rights were terminated and we are likely to adopt niece it's still in appeals so it's dragging on And on and on and I'm constantly worried I'm going to have to give up the little girl I've raised for 3 years. She is the same age as my daughter so I worry for my daughter losing a sister too.
Anyway I forgot to add I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2005. I never believed I had it. O hate medicine. I'm actually terrified of taking anything altering my mind. I just can't get passed the initial side effects. Well for the past month I have been dizzy short of breath and so darn unmotivated to do anything. Oh and it's way worse when I drive. So after blood tests, ekg, and ct scans I have been told there is nothing wrong. Just like always. Sigh. Doc said whether I'm ready to admit it or not she thinks it's anxiety So tonight I'm giving in and starting the 10mg celexa I was prescribed. I'm doing it tonight so my hubby will be home with me all weekend. I'm scared of taking it.
Thanks for reading this much.