Starting to have extreme thoughts that are quite frightening.. [Archive] - Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks

glimmer2525

01-22-2015, 06:43 PM

OK, so today isn't a good day for me. I don't know, some days I just feel absolutely awful, physically and mentally. When I have days like this lately, when I feel overcome with fatigue, I start to have these wild thoughts. I can't express them to anyone close to me for fear of their emotional response, because the thought going through my head recently is a little brutal.

If you've read my most recent posts, you'll know that I'm thriving to stay on par with my health and doing whatever I can to keep my panic attacks under control. I still have a long way to go, but some days aren't so bad. Today is not one of those days.

So here goes my confession... I get the idea in my head from time to time that I really am terminally ill and the doctors are missing something. Sure, lots of people with anxiety probably get this thought, but its getting bad for me. I confessed this one day to my father, and he basically yelled at me and told me to get a grip. I can't even go into full detail about how fearful I am of this because it makes me extremely emotional to the point of sobbing. I feel so helpless. I picture myself screaming for help but nobody is truly listening. It's total mind fu*kery. Its a personal hell.

I left a message with a therapist in my area recently to try and get myself some counseling but my message was never returned. I had an appointment next week with a naturopathic doctor (I've waited SIX weeks for this appointment) and her office staff called today to tell me we'd have to reschedule my appointment because the doctor has to go out of town that day. This is where the "screaming for help but nobody is listening" thing comes into play.

Has anyone else been really paranoid and fearful to this extent? I am prescribed Klonopin and Paxil, but I only take the Klonopin, and only on an as needed basis, and haven't started the Paxil at all yet. I just wanted to see what the naturopath had to say about alternatives before I went on prescription drugs. Because drugs also terrify me. I once took an anti-anxiety medication and tried my best to throw it back up for fear that it might hurt me. My mother witnessed this incident and was quite terrified.

Could really use some support tonight :(

jessed03

01-23-2015, 01:53 AM

Hey girl,

That is a reoccuring theme that seems to pop up here, but I guess like you said, that doesn't make too much of a difference, does it? You still have to experience everything in your own way.

The question I wanna ask is what are your plans to work on the mental side of things? Because, I don't think there's a substance any naturopath can give you that will make this go away, and if you don't really wanna do meds, some real work on the mind is your only option.

Anxiety is a condition of what-ifs. The "what if they've missed something question" isn't a special one, it's just another thought that needs to be worked through and unravelled. It sounds like it runs pretty deep already.

Stay strong. Sending you a little love!

Im-Suffering

01-23-2015, 06:07 AM

I will tell you what it is, but you will not believe me or understand it. If you do, it will be life changing for you.

The screaming (the inner mind chatter) is a false belief you hold about yourself and the world. Since you hold the belief as true, the world validates your belief as you continue to scream in frustration.

This screaming could be about any issue (and it indeed started in childhood as tantrums), whether you want a piece of candy, that lollipop in the window, a toy, love, affection, or today, some attention in regards to 'important' concerns to which you add the label 'life threatening' because at this point the belief is dire (the inner child is utterly helpless). And so intuitively you know what the core issue is. It is just so overpowered by this strong belief. Clear reality (a beneficial perspective) is drowned out.

I do assure you, that the motive is the same, whether you scream and are rejected for that new toy as a child, or you scream that you are terminal as an adult. And they both come from the same place, unloved, rejected, and abandoned (feelings).

Real thought :

I picture myself screaming for help but nobody **(my parents or caregivers) is truly listening. It's total mind fu*kery. Its a personal hell.

That quote is all that matters, the rest is just fluff, smoke and mirrors to protect your inner core beliefs from challenges. It certainly is a self-imposed personal hell.

Your 'issues' have nothing to do with 'terminal illness', health is an excuse to trigger your belief :

"I am not worth listening to"
"I am not valuable"
"I am not worthy"
"I am a bad person"
"I am helpless"

"Terminal illness" or whatever its replacement (should you 'get over' this one) is a scape goat for the belief. The belief translates into feelings of helplessness which you then use some imaginary illness to project those feelings out into reality. Your experience with the doctor is one such projection, which like a mirror, you then get to live out that belief (experience). Reinforcing the original feelings. (vicious circle).

The efforts with the therapist also led to rejection you see, in all cases the beliefs of the individual are paramount in creating its day to day experiences, no exceptions.

Now, go back to my first sentence, do you believe me, or even understand any of what was just presented to you? Its your journey.

It would be unfortunate indeed, to manifest a terminal illness, just to be heard. That is the childs perspective on how to solve its problems, you see (when it is 'sick' it receives some form of attention). It doesn't know any better. "It" is "you" however, and knowing this can change your life almost immediately.

Better read this over a few times.

Should the OP never return (or simply not care to 'dig into' what was presented), this post would be quite beneficial for all readers. Yes, you, reading this in your present moment. This information given in my 'today' remains pertinent for you no matter the year number when you read it. If your daily experience is less than pleasant, and your mind it constantly 'at you', you are meant to turn inward realizing the outer world is but a mere reflection of it. The 'outer' world has no power over you, lest you give your power to it. In that context, the world does not create your reality for you. You are the captain, period. (In every case, every event, no exceptions).

Zac Dibble

01-23-2015, 09:00 AM

I'm definitely not the most therapeutic person, nor the most stable (relatively speaking of course). But, I've accepted the premise of "fear what you know not what you feel" is the best. When it comes to anxiety, it's extremely hard as an emetophobic so I personally can say these words are hard to live by, but it's always something worth aiming for.

gypsylee

01-23-2015, 12:11 PM

I will tell you what it is, but you will not believe me or understand it. If you do, it will be life changing for you.

The screaming (the inner mind chatter) is a false belief you hold about yourself and the world. Since you hold the belief as true, the world validates your belief as you continue to scream in frustration.

This screaming could be about any issue (and it indeed started in childhood as tantrums), whether you want a piece of candy, that lollipop in the window, a toy, love, affection, or today, some attention in regards to 'important' concerns to which you add the label 'life threatening' because at this point the belief is dire (the inner child is utterly helpless). And so intuitively you know what the core issue is. It is just so overpowered by this strong belief. Clear reality (a beneficial perspective) is drowned out.

I do assure you, that the motive is the same, whether you scream and are rejected for that new toy as a child, or you scream that you are terminal as an adult. And they both come from the same place, unloved, rejected, and abandoned (feelings).

That quote is all that matters, the rest is just fluff, smoke and mirrors to protect your inner core beliefs from challenges. It certainly is a self-imposed personal hell.

Your 'issues' have nothing to do with 'terminal illness', health is an excuse to trigger your belief :

"I am not worth listening to"
"I am not valuable"
"I am not worthy"
"I am a bad person"
"I am helpless"

"Terminal illness" or whatever its replacement (should you 'get over' this one) is a scape goat for the belief. The belief translates into feelings of helplessness which you then use some imaginary illness to project those feelings out into reality. Your experience with the doctor is one such projection, which like a mirror, you then get to live out that belief (experience). Reinforcing the original feelings. (vicious circle).

The efforts with the therapist also led to rejection you see, in all cases the beliefs of the individual are paramount in creating its day to day experiences, no exceptions.

Now, go back to my first sentence, do you believe me, or even understand any of what was just presented to you? Its your journey.

It would be unfortunate indeed, to manifest a terminal illness, just to be heard. That is the childs perspective on how to solve its problems, you see (when it is 'sick' it receives some form of attention). It doesn't know any better. "It" is "you" however, and knowing this can change your life almost immediately.

Better read this over a few times.

Should the OP never return (or simply not care to 'dig into' what was presented), this post would be quite beneficial for all readers. Yes, you, reading this in your present moment. This information given in my 'today' remains pertinent for you no matter the year number when you read it. If your daily experience is less than pleasant, and your mind it constantly 'at you', you are meant to turn inward realizing the outer world is but a mere reflection of it. The 'outer' world has no power over you, lest you give your power to it. In that context, the world does not create your reality for you. You are the captain, period. (In every case, every event, no exceptions).

Well said Im-Suffering :) and I read the OP's post earlier and could relate very much to the thing about screaming for help and noone's listening.

Jemma8286

01-23-2015, 04:11 PM

I'm Suffering. You astound me. I love reading your posts they give me so much hope.

Glimmer I really do not have anything beneficial to add other than you have literally just posted my biography.

What you have written is me, completely. I would really like to talk to you more if you would ever like to PM or email me.

glimmer2525

01-24-2015, 11:32 AM

Thank you all so very much! Im-Suffering, what you've presented to me is something I've had to truly think about, and will continue to think about. I probably really do have abandonment issues when I really think about it. Its hard to admit that, because I just want to be at least somewhat normal and focus my energy on more positive things in life, but it seems that I've got a long road ahead of me.

Jessed, I will be on the search for a good therapist to help me through this. I live in an area where not many resources like this are available and it takes a lot of searching and traveling to find something (or someone) truly worth the effort.

Zac, thank you for your quote about "fear what you know not what you feel". That's something I've really got to put into practice every day. My mind is always, always racing with "what ifs".

Last night I had a bout of heartburn that sent me into full cardiophobic status. Didn't get much sleep!

Jemma, please feel free to message me any time! We can exchange emails too if you'd prefer! And that goes for anyone else who can relate and would like to talk, I'd love to connect with any of you. Feeling not so alone helps more than anything for me right now.

Again, than you all SO very much and I'm wishing everyone the strength to get through your battles.

Zac Dibble

01-25-2015, 11:58 PM

Im-Suffering

01-26-2015, 07:54 AM

"Fear what you know, not what you feel" is inherently incorrect. And so you are met with failure.

I'm in the exact same boat when it comes to practicing those words. There are days where I think it would be nice if my brain had the option to shut down, but sadly it would take a lobotomy to do so.
Things are always easier said than done.

Let's rephrase:

What you know is what you believe, and what you believe is an illusion. What you feel is generated by what you know, and what you know is a belief, and so the feeling is a lie. Either way if the belief is a negative one, you are out of luck.

However what you believe, is what you were told to. Beliefs that feel badly are not your own. They are false representations of reality given by either caretakers or peers as assumptions or ideas about yourself and life in general that you agreed with, or distorted views about the self based off ignorance about who you are in relation to everything else.

All beliefs that generate negative emotions are there to be looked at, and ultimately healed, because you are never meant to feel badly. Do you believe that? Rhetorical of course.

"I am unloved, unworthy, unsafe, alone" if held as a belief, and you might not even be aware of it, will attract experiences into your life that you can then say, "this is really happening, this is what I know" and in every case, what you know is based off a lie. Feeling badly you will know it's not true to self, in your highest regard.

In some respects, if you were faced with a terminal illness of a family member at say, 5 years old, and they died, you might have said to yourself, at 5 now, "they died in terrible pain at 45. So this is how humans die, I can expect this at that age". "I didn't get to say goodbye so I am bad, I hate myself"

Now, after the teens, this individual will have forgotten the keen trauma, time would have served it's purpose. However this person would begin to feel impending doom, for seemingly no reason, period. Closer and closer to his idea.. but without conscious memory of the day he accepted the idea (death at 45 horrible, painful, unloved).. he now has tormenting thoughts of terminal illness, even while in good overall health. He will act as if he is going to die prematurely, his belief that he is unloved and bad will cause untold misery, and if left unchecked, he may indeed fulfill the prophecy that he himself decided upon.

In such an example, what he knows and feels, are distorted versions of some truth based on a 5 year yearolds perception. And it has remained unquestioned throughout adult life. The terminal illness this child witnessed could have been off television you see, an illusion, but accepted nonetheless as his reality. The trauma is felt just the same.

And so you will fail at your attempts to heal that (childs) inner voice (the vice grip tighter and tighter) as you see happening, that voice ever louder until you learn to think aright, which I am teaching you here, over and over again. But you (most of you) do not hear. Your ears only function when the sound corroborates with your beliefs, which at the moment are skewed and false.

Zac Dibble

01-26-2015, 08:44 AM

"Fear what you know, not what you feel" is inherently incorrect. And so you are met with failure.

Let's rephrase:

What you know is what you believe, and what you believe is an illusion. What you feel is generated by what you know, and what you know is a belief, and so the feeling is a lie. Either way if the belief is a negative one, you are out of luck.

However what you believe, is what you were told to. Beliefs that feel badly are not your own. They are false representations of reality given by either caretakers or peers as assumptions or ideas about yourself and life in general that you agreed with, or distorted views about the self based off ignorance about who you are in relation to everything else.

All beliefs that generate negative emotions are there to be looked at, and ultimately healed, because you are never meant to feel badly. Do you believe that? Rhetorical of course.

"I am unloved, unworthy, unsafe, alone" if held as a belief, and you might not even be aware of it, will attract experiences into your life that you can then say, "this is really happening, this is what I know" and in every case, what you know is based off a lie. Feeling badly you will know it's not true to self, in your highest regard.

In some respects, if you were faced with a terminal illness of a family member at say, 5 years old, and they died, you might have said to yourself, at 5 now, "they died in terrible pain at 45. So this is how humans die, I can expect this at that age". "I didn't get to say goodbye so I am bad, I hate myself"

Now, after the teens, this individual will have forgotten the keen trauma, time would have served it's purpose. However this person would begin to feel impending doom, for seemingly no reason, period. Closer and closer to his idea.. but without conscious memory of the day he accepted the idea (death at 45 horrible, painful, unloved).. he now has tormenting thoughts of terminal illness, even while in good overall health. He will act as if he is going to die prematurely, his belief that he is unloved and bad will cause untold misery, and if left unchecked, he may indeed fulfill the prophecy that he himself decided upon.

In such an example, what he knows and feels, are distorted versions of some truth based on a 5 year yearolds perception. And it has remained unquestioned throughout adult life. The terminal illness this child witnessed could have been off television you see, an illusion, but accepted nonetheless as his reality. The trauma is felt just the same.

And so you will fail at your attempts to heal that (childs) inner voice (the vice grip tighter and tighter) as you see happening, that voice ever louder until you learn to think aright, which I am teaching you here, over and over again. But you (most of you) do not hear. Your ears only function when the sound corroborates with your beliefs, which at the moment are skewed and false.

That was a very enjoyable read and you definitely made some valid points and excellent connections.
What I said, however, is true relative to the person and can not be defined as incorrect or correct. My personal experiences tie me to that premise exactly and in the end, sharing what we know is the purpose of each thread in this forum. we'll all always have different perspectives on topics at hand which is what makes forums so important. It gives the thread's author information they can dissect and use to form their own set of thoughts which they would then consider to be correct, except for in their case.

Im-Suffering

01-26-2015, 10:01 AM

That was a very enjoyable read and you definitely made some valid points and excellent connections.
What I said, however, is true relative to the person and can not be defined as incorrect or correct. My personal experiences tie me to that premise exactly and in the end, sharing what we know is the purpose of each thread in this forum. we'll all always have different perspectives on topics at hand which is what makes forums so important. It gives the thread's author information they can dissect and use to form their own set of thoughts which they would then consider to be correct, except for in their case.

I want to free you from your ties. Or at least loosen the knot. You (any reader here) would feel instantly better. So once again this information is not solely for the OP, but universal. I am saying "you" but addressing no specific person.

You have personal experiences (because of) your beliefs (facts) and expectations. From this combination you create your reality. If your not happy with your reality, then you must begin to examine what you (think you) know. On a very basic level what you know is an illusion. Beliefs are ideas, not inherent facts about life itself. There are no inherent facts, even those observable (scientific), such as the behaviour of atoms.

As a side note for those interested (channeled and very difficult to express in understandable terms):

The atom is multidimensional, but this cannot be measured. It (you) "blinks" - off and *on - as a lightswitch (including your bodies). In the "on" position your field of reality is perceivable and (seemingly) concrete because of - and determined by its speed and tone similar to a "tuning fork" giving the illusion of a time sequence or duration.- The atom in that context is in every reality at once (picture a multifaceted gemstone) creating every reality -and at the same time setting boundaries (by its pulsations) so there can be no intrusion. The electron spin is *both* -forward and backward, and thus the past and future are happening at once. This behaviour is not observable*, yet, with earth's instruments. To my friends who are afraid of death, it is merely nothing more than an *off pulsation to which you find yourself elsewhere, which could be, the very place you now sit, but another century. This is who you are, magical. The prime creators energy is inexaustable, this is what you are. And since energy cannot be destroyed, you are eternal. Coded in just one of your cells is information that can seed a universe. That is your power.

The birthright of each of you.

Atoms behave then only as the scientist expects them to behave, not showing their true nature. Because scientific discoveries must fall within the framework of the current belief systems. (Personal and en mass on a global scale). If the building blocks of life are not rigid or fixed, and to a great extent their nature hidden, then certainly what you know (ideas) on a personal level are just a small fraction of a much "larger" reality. If what you know causes you fear, you see, simply let go...and examine why you know it. Travel into the fear.

"Fear what you know" is a personal trap. And I do understand that the framework of an ego depends on what it "knows". Just the thought "what if everything I know is wrong, or smoke and mirrors for a much greater reality?" is threatening to such an ego. But I assure you that you can never annihilate the self. Not in (physical) death, or not in changing beliefs which would be seen as "mental death" to a rigid personality.

Either way, I honor your intent, and understand the analogy given in regards to the original statement. You are much more than you suppose that you are. More than you "know", rather in spite of it.

That is all. I have no more this morning.

glimmer2525

01-26-2015, 02:41 PM

"Fear what you know, not what you feel" is inherently incorrect. And so you are met with failure.

Let's rephrase:

What you know is what you believe, and what you believe is an illusion. What you feel is generated by what you know, and what you know is a belief, and so the feeling is a lie. Either way if the belief is a negative one, you are out of luck.

However what you believe, is what you were told to. Beliefs that feel badly are not your own. They are false representations of reality given by either caretakers or peers as assumptions or ideas about yourself and life in general that you agreed with, or distorted views about the self based off ignorance about who you are in relation to everything else.

All beliefs that generate negative emotions are there to be looked at, and ultimately healed, because you are never meant to feel badly. Do you believe that? Rhetorical of course.

"I am unloved, unworthy, unsafe, alone" if held as a belief, and you might not even be aware of it, will attract experiences into your life that you can then say, "this is really happening, this is what I know" and in every case, what you know is based off a lie. Feeling badly you will know it's not true to self, in your highest regard.

In some respects, if you were faced with a terminal illness of a family member at say, 5 years old, and they died, you might have said to yourself, at 5 now, "they died in terrible pain at 45. So this is how humans die, I can expect this at that age". "I didn't get to say goodbye so I am bad, I hate myself"

Now, after the teens, this individual will have forgotten the keen trauma, time would have served it's purpose. However this person would begin to feel impending doom, for seemingly no reason, period. Closer and closer to his idea.. but without conscious memory of the day he accepted the idea (death at 45 horrible, painful, unloved).. he now has tormenting thoughts of terminal illness, even while in good overall health. He will act as if he is going to die prematurely, his belief that he is unloved and bad will cause untold misery, and if left unchecked, he may indeed fulfill the prophecy that he himself decided upon.

In such an example, what he knows and feels, are distorted versions of some truth based on a 5 year yearolds perception. And it has remained unquestioned throughout adult life. The terminal illness this child witnessed could have been off television you see, an illusion, but accepted nonetheless as his reality. The trauma is felt just the same.

And so you will fail at your attempts to heal that (childs) inner voice (the vice grip tighter and tighter) as you see happening, that voice ever louder until you learn to think aright, which I am teaching you here, over and over again. But you (most of you) do not hear. Your ears only function when the sound corroborates with your beliefs, which at the moment are skewed and false.

So how do we truly calm that inner child? I try to tell myself time and time again that I'm being irrational, silly, that I "know better".. Is it something that usually always takes years of therapy? It seems like you're leaning towards the CBT idea, which I've been looking into myself.

Im-Suffering

01-26-2015, 03:08 PM

You can't simply tell yourself you know better, because the beliefs are attached to emotions, and so you must release that energy, you see. When the child cried alone, that energy directs internally and swells like a storehouse of repression. At some point in life there will be a straw that breaks the camels back. You will have the inception of a nervous break, or anxiety, if you understand. And you will not know why.

So how do we truly calm that inner child? I try to tell myself time and time again that I'm being irrational, silly, that I "know better".. Is it something that usually always takes years of therapy? It seems like you're leaning towards the CBT idea, which I've been looking into myself.

Giving it the love and attention it never had and the advantage of an adults perspective through careful non judgemental examination of traumatic events.

When we say "trauma" it could be a as simple as a refusal to give the child a toy, where the child consistently sees himself as bad (unworthy). Trauma does not have to be death, abuse or any grandiose event, so to speak.

I will tell you briefly. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a calm safe place, perhaps a meadow, forest, beach, alone with your child self and perhaps a deceased parent or guardian (or alive). Begin with questions as to the beliefs that are conscious (ie "I'm a bad person"). Ask the child for the stories associated with the belief. Perhaps you will be taken back to the event where you decided you were unloved, unlovable, and see the event played out, allow the child to voice it. Along with the emotional attachment. You might find your conclusion was distorted, and that you were truly loved, but in that experience you were not shown it, you understand. You can look at the experience as big brother, you see, and help the child to understand and feel love.

The child never had a voice beyond the one inside that made decisions based on an undeveloped brain and nervous system. He cannot make the distinction between mom having a very stressful day, and wanting some alone time, and that he is inherently bad. He will always blame himself.

During the healing process, the child should be seen and heard, you see -

In the imagination, when the emotions peak, if you are crying, and feel it strongly, that's your truth. Time to let go of the energies by possibly popping balloons, or seeing the beliefs as furniture as you rearrange the room. Or perhaps you see the beliefs as a form of sludge that you wash away...At the peak, you must do something with the emotions, not just snap out of it intellectually. There must be a symbolic release along with a new replacement belief. This is paramount..

You will know if a belief is changed, if it no longer triggers you in every day life. If you fear health for example, you can be among the terminally I'll and feel neutral. Not that you won't be compassionate, but you won't feel the foreboding of every little disease within yourself.

If you are shut down to feeling, you must open up first, maybe by playing with an animal, or something enjoyable allowing you to connect with feeling and open your heart. Then attempt the exercise. 1000 times if needed.

That is all I have.

Two One

01-26-2015, 04:09 PM

I will tell you what it is, but you will not believe me or understand it. If you do, it will be life changing for you.

The screaming (the inner mind chatter) is a false belief you hold about yourself and the world. Since you hold the belief as true, the world validates your belief as you continue to scream in frustration.

This screaming could be about any issue (and it indeed started in childhood as tantrums), whether you want a piece of candy, that lollipop in the window, a toy, love, affection, or today, some attention in regards to 'important' concerns to which you add the label 'life threatening' because at this point the belief is dire (the inner child is utterly helpless). And so intuitively you know what the core issue is. It is just so overpowered by this strong belief. Clear reality (a beneficial perspective) is drowned out.

I do assure you, that the motive is the same, whether you scream and are rejected for that new toy as a child, or you scream that you are terminal as an adult. And they both come from the same place, unloved, rejected, and abandoned (feelings).

That quote is all that matters, the rest is just fluff, smoke and mirrors to protect your inner core beliefs from challenges. It certainly is a self-imposed personal hell.

Your 'issues' have nothing to do with 'terminal illness', health is an excuse to trigger your belief :

"I am not worth listening to"
"I am not valuable"
"I am not worthy"
"I am a bad person"
"I am helpless"

"Terminal illness" or whatever its replacement (should you 'get over' this one) is a scape goat for the belief. The belief translates into feelings of helplessness which you then use some imaginary illness to project those feelings out into reality. Your experience with the doctor is one such projection, which like a mirror, you then get to live out that belief (experience). Reinforcing the original feelings. (vicious circle).

The efforts with the therapist also led to rejection you see, in all cases the beliefs of the individual are paramount in creating its day to day experiences, no exceptions.

Now, go back to my first sentence, do you believe me, or even understand any of what was just presented to you? Its your journey.

It would be unfortunate indeed, to manifest a terminal illness, just to be heard. That is the childs perspective on how to solve its problems, you see (when it is 'sick' it receives some form of attention). It doesn't know any better. "It" is "you" however, and knowing this can change your life almost immediately.

Better read this over a few times.

Should the OP never return (or simply not care to 'dig into' what was presented), this post would be quite beneficial for all readers. Yes, you, reading this in your present moment. This information given in my 'today' remains pertinent for you no matter the year number when you read it. If your daily experience is less than pleasant, and your mind it constantly 'at you', you are meant to turn inward realizing the outer world is but a mere reflection of it. The 'outer' world has no power over you, lest you give your power to it. In that context, the world does not create your reality for you. You are the captain, period. (In every case, every event, no exceptions).

What a post, but I've come to expect this from you. Best poster on the site.

glimmer2525

01-26-2015, 08:24 PM

This is all very deep, and to be honest a little hard for me to completely understand, but I'm trying. I don't know why but I feel extremely sad when picturing myself alone with my "child self" and a parent. I think I see my child self as a victim of sorts, but its hard to explain. I was bullied when I was younger because I was kind of awkward and an "ugly duckling" throughout my childhood. Then in my teens I developed into a much more physically attractive girl, but I still ended up with horrible boyfriends, two of which were mentally abusive. I also lost my best friend to a car accident right after my 18th birthday, and for the longest time my life was one big fog. My parents have been great to me all my life, though I know I've experienced so many traumatizing events thus far in my life. Most people see me as sheltered and even spoiled, but trust me when I say I've seen and experienced some crazy, heartbreaking shit. Thank you for continuing to visit this thread and like I said, I really am trying to grasp what you're saying.

Im-Suffering

01-26-2015, 09:52 PM

I dont know why but I feel extremely sad when picturing myself alone with my "child self" and a parent.

That sadness is an energy blockage. It prevents the flow or movement of vital forces throughout the body. It's repressive, felt in the stomach and the chest.

Do the exercise given. Allow the sadness to come up and grow. Allow it to overwhelm you, it can't hurt you, don't be afraid.

Listen to the stories (replay the events that come up, some of which are already surfacing. They are stirring so you can work on them). During this recapitulation, feel her, really see her, how precious and special she is (you are) to have weathered these hard times. How valiant - courageous, the journey has been. Validate her, honor her, love her, be with her. Feel what it was like to be her, let the emotions peak, and release at that very moment, all of it, blowing it all out, and taking in the air of rejuvenation.

When we say let the emotions peak, we mean allow them to keep growing as you feel the loss of a friend (loss of a loved one, abandonment, insecurity, anger, the fear of death), what it was like to also be bullied and called names. Feel what it was like to be mentally abused by men in your life. Do each release (story) individually and finish with it before moving on to another topic.

At the peak emotionally during the story, purposefully push the emotions out from your being, expel them, eject them, replace them with understanding, enlightenment and a knowing that can only be found after the release. It does no good to sit and cry, you must release and replace.

Probe after the release for remnant emotions, and if there is still some triggers, sadness, replay the stories and release again, probing further, asking more questions, you should come out of it energized (if truly released), yet drift into a deep peaceful sleep.

When you (she) is at peace, the vital forces will flow unobstructed and the intrusive thoughts will stop. You will come out with new beliefs, the direct opposite of the current ones.

You are beautiful, you are capable, you are deserving, you are special, unique. You are lovable. You will feel these things and more, as your truth, because they are your truth. Anything else is simply untrue about who you are. Untrue and unacceptable.

When you finish your first few releases, you can begin to pay it forward by showing others how to heal their pain, in the same manner that you have. In doing so you will find personal enrichment you never thought possible.

That is all.