My story... a long read but I'd love input.

[Tc12]

I've been dealing with or I should say not dealing with but experiencing anxiety for a long time ever since high school I would say. I've spent alot of time thinking of what would have caused such severe anxiety going back to my childhood and working my way to now. I had a pretty wonderful childhood, my mother is the best one could ask for and been a constant support for me through all of this. My father is an alcoholic in denial who essentially chose drinking over his family. My mom had tried to get him to seek help and he refused as I grew older and started to see for myself how bad it had gotten I also asked him to get help he decided that he would rather leave and tell himself that we were the problem. It hurt then and it still does but I forgive him I understand that even though it was selfish he did what he thought was right for himself and we still talk a few times a year. Long story short I've decided this is one early on trigger to my anxiety. He was and still is in and out of my life and I never really know when I'll talk to him again and even when I do it usually small talk and never really dive too deep into the father son relationship we should have. But aside from all of my issue with my father the rest of my child hood was normal and my mother and my grandparents have always and will always be there for me. Now to school life. I went to a pretty large high school and I wouldn't consider myself as being bullied but I also didn't "fit in". I never really bothered me at least to my knowledge I always embrace being different and see it as a good quality. I had denied this being a potential cause for anxiety for many years until recently reconsidering after realizing that many cause of anxiety can be subconscious. My anxiety has almost completely if not completely taken over my life. Over the past two years it intensified to the point where I've finally admitted that I need help. It's gotten so bad that a simple trip to the store seems overwhelming and I've turned down many opportunities do to the fact that I'm dealing with this anxiety. Through all of this I recently became a father to a beautiful daughter she's the light of my life and the main reason why I decided to seek help with this. So with the anxiety I'm trying to have a successful relationship with a girl I really love and be a good father to my daughter. One instance which happened early today is that my daughter who's 4 months old has developed a cough which in itself got my anxiety going and then my girlfriend and I decide she needs to go to the doctor tomorrow. The problem is my girlfriend has to work so I'll have to take her by myself which upon hearing that my anxiety peaked and we ended up getting into a huge fight. I'm sure that I came off as just not wanted to take her which would understandably make her mad but the truth is I began panicking. "Oh no,will the roads be icy?, what will I say to the doctor?, I have to call the doctor, what if its bad news?,is there gonna parking? All those thoughts were just racing and dealing with this anxiety made me angry. I said things I shouldn't have and then ended up regretting it and apologizing. Anyways I'm hoping that joining this forum will be a good first step toward's recovery.

[Brit95]

I've been dealing with or I should say not dealing with but experiencing anxiety for a long time ever since high school I would say. I've spent alot of time thinking of what would have caused such severe anxiety going back to my childhood and working my way to now. I had a pretty wonderful childhood, my mother is the best one could ask for and been a constant support for me through all of this. My father is an alcoholic in denial who essentially chose drinking over his family. My mom had tried to get him to seek help and he refused as I grew older and started to see for myself how bad it had gotten I also asked him to get help he decided that he would rather leave and tell himself that we were the problem. It hurt then and it still does but I forgive him I understand that even though it was selfish he did what he thought was right for himself and we still talk a few times a year. Long story short I've decided this is one early on trigger to my anxiety. He was and still is in and out of my life and I never really know when I'll talk to him again and even when I do it usually small talk and never really dive too deep into the father son relationship we should have. But aside from all of my issue with my father the rest of my child hood was normal and my mother and my grandparents have always and will always be there for me. Now to school life. I went to a pretty large high school and I wouldn't consider myself as being bullied but I also didn't "fit in". I never really bothered me at least to my knowledge I always embrace being different and see it as a good quality. I had denied this being a potential cause for anxiety for many years until recently reconsidering after realizing that many cause of anxiety can be subconscious. My anxiety has almost completely if not completely taken over my life. Over the past two years it intensified to the point where I've finally admitted that I need help. It's gotten so bad that a simple trip to the store seems overwhelming and I've turned down many opportunities do to the fact that I'm dealing with this anxiety. Through all of this I recently became a father to a beautiful daughter she's the light of my life and the main reason why I decided to seek help with this. So with the anxiety I'm trying to have a successful relationship with a girl I really love and be a good father to my daughter. One instance which happened early today is that my daughter who's 4 months old has developed a cough which in itself got my anxiety going and then my girlfriend and I decide she needs to go to the doctor tomorrow. The problem is my girlfriend has to work so I'll have to take her by myself which upon hearing that my anxiety peaked and we ended up getting into a huge fight. I'm sure that I came off as just not wanted to take her which would understandably make her mad but the truth is I began panicking. "Oh no,will the roads be icy?, what will I say to the doctor?, I have to call the doctor, what if its bad news?,is there gonna parking? All those thoughts were just racing and dealing with this anxiety made me angry. I said things I shouldn't have and then ended up regretting it and apologizing. Anyways I'm hoping that joining this forum will be a good first step toward's recovery.

It's a good feeling to know you're not alone. And you arent. I think you'll find a lot of comfort here.

[Two One]

As the poster above me said, you are not alone. Oddly enough, your story sounds very similar to mine in many aspects. I grew up with a rather privileged childhood and I have a very loving and supportive mother and great grandparents. Throughout the first few years of my life, my grandpa was my father figure as my dad was always working in order to give my family the well off financial state we're in. Although, I know what triggered my initial anxiety and my phobia it was my dad's DUI that put me in the situation that I'm currently in. The older I got, the more my dad succumbed to alcoholism for whatever reason. By the time I was in sixth grade it became bad, but despite that he's a great father. Back in the summer of 2012 my dad got a DUI, but I take the blame for what happened that night. I made the decision not to drive. If I had drove none of it would've happened, and the worst part was having that officer look me dead in the eye and say it could have been avoided if I drove. To this day I experience guilt.

That put me over the edge. The anxiety broke me, and I went through so much in 2013 and the early part of 2014. It wasn't until I confessed my thoughts of suicide to my mom that I went looking for help. Don't be ashamed, I knew I needed help but I wasn't sure how to go about the whole situation. I went through a couple psychiatrists before I found the right one in July 2014. She and my therapist made a world of difference for me. I experienced remarkable improvement in a very short amount of time. Believe me when I tell you that therapy and exercise are the best things one can do for anxiety. Lately, I haven't been doing too well but that's because winter brings out depressive episodes and higher anxiety due to my fear of the norovirus. You are not alone and you can make it through this. I wish you the best of luck, and do your best to remember that recovery won't come without a few bumps in the road. Don't get discouraged.

[Tc12]

Thank you guys for the kind words I'm already feeling a little more comforted.