Hi, I'm Max and I Am Trying To Defeat My Anxiety

[max.]

Hi everyone, my name is Max. I'm not really sure if I have a disorder... I'm sort of scared I guess to accept that it could be a true fact about me. Since about middle school, I've struggled with vicious stuttering and since high school I have often been so sad that it overwhelms me. I've always been told I think too much, and when I was growing up I always felt like I was being prohibited from having any freedom due to my poor family situation and my parents' struggles. I stopped communicating with my biological father in high school because I felt like he was stopping me from having a happy life. I've definitely been happier since I stopped talking to him, although he still tries to get back into my life. I'm in college now, for computer science, and I have a great job as an intern in my field. I've grown up a lot since getting the job, and I've started to understand what my problems are. I have extremely bad stuttering and ZERO confidence when I'm tired, and these symptoms come back when I get tired. It seems like I also have issues maintaining focus, and I begin to have a drop in confidence and eventually attacks if I don't get enough of any of the things I personally need in life (movement, social interaction, new locations). I also have no appetite once my confidence drops below a certain point.

I'm trying to come to terms with what my exact obstacles are, and at age 20 I'm going to start going to a psychologist at my university to see if I can find something in my past that is causing these symptoms to show up. I'm hopeful that I can get to a point where I defeat this disorder for good.

[Im-Suffering]

Hi everyone, my name is Max. I'm not really sure if I have a disorder... I'm sort of scared I guess to accept that it could be a true fact about me. Since about middle school, I've struggled with vicious stuttering and since high school I have often been so sad that it overwhelms me. I've always been told I think too much, and when I was growing up I always felt like I was being prohibited from having any freedom due to my poor family situation and my parents' struggles. I stopped communicating with my biological father in high school because I felt like he was stopping me from having a happy life. I've definitely been happier since I stopped talking to him, although he still tries to get back into my life. I'm in college now, for computer science, and I have a great job as an intern in my field. I've grown up a lot since getting the job, and I've started to understand what my problems are. I have extremely bad stuttering and ZERO confidence when I'm tired, and these symptoms come back when I get tired. It seems like I also have issues maintaining focus, and I begin to have a drop in confidence and eventually attacks if I don't get enough of any of the things I personally need in life (movement, social interaction, new locations). I also have no appetite once my confidence drops below a certain point.

I'm trying to come to terms with what my exact obstacles are, and at age 20 I'm going to start going to a psychologist at my university to see if I can find something in my past that is causing these symptoms to show up. I'm hopeful that I can get to a point where I defeat this disorder for good.

Life is about the journey, my young friend, And who you are in relationship to it. What you are being.

The stuttering is a response to the fear of criticism, loss of love (if you dare speak out), and repressed speech. Anger and abandonment toward your own feelings, years of suppressed emotions. Related to your caretakers, especially the male role model. Now, years later you can let loose a little (removed from the physical problem environment), however, the feelings are still inside, along with the beliefs. (your truths, facts about life, your world view). The trauma and shocks are held onto ever so tightly as well, even if you are going about your business in school and those past experiences are not conscious. The physical expression of the suppressed feelings is manifested regardless, as the current issues.

Explore and open up completely with your therapist (print and give him/her this post) and discuss releasing the pent up feelings, work on loving yourself, honoring yourself, expressing yourself without the fear of criticism, and you will be just fine. This will for the most part eliminate the need for the stutter.

And remember, its the journey now, the roads you take, and the way you feel taking them. Feelings will always be your guide. Do I feel good or bad in my choices?

Many blessings my young friend.