Anxiety and Related Guilt

[Rita Fitzgerald]

Currently I work in an environment that has a lot of triggers for my anxiety - it's an open office environment where I always feel as though someone is watching over my shoulder and judging my work.

I've been very open and communicative about my anxiety with my bosses, and while it's usually well managed, lately my anxiety has been so bad that I end up working from home because of it at least once every two weeks or so. My bosses are very analytical, non-emotional people, so a lot of times I end up worrying that they think my anxiety isn't as bad as I say or worse, that I'm just making it up so I can go home and goof off. Our relationship is already kind of tense because we are so different anyway, so I'm just worried this is going to end up affecting my employment.

Has anyone experienced this before? How did you deal with it? Has anyone had a boss who really didn't understand?

[Kuma]

I have chosen not to share my anxiety with anyone at my work place. I do not believe that it interferes in any material respect with my job performance -- I work really hard to make sure that does not happen. (Every once in a while I may be distracted by anxiety, but I make up for it). And, given that, I don't think it is anyone's business.

I don't expect anyone who does not experience anxiety to "understand" what it is like. I certainly did not understand it before I experienced it. And I cannot expect someone else to understand what I myself did not understand before I personally experienced it.

So I would think about it this way: Does your anxiety interfere with your job performance? If it does, that is a problem -- at least if it persists for a long period of time -- because your employer is entitled to get a full time commitment (assuming its a full time job) and good quality services from you in exchange for your compensation. But if you are able to do your job capably despite your anxiety -- and your employer is getting fair value for what it is paying you -- similar to the value it would get from a capable employee who did not suffer from anxiety -- then I don't think whether they understand or don't understand should matter all that much. The fact that you work from home occasionally may not matter much, depending on your job. If they are analytical types, as you say, all they should care about is whether they are getting good value from you in exchange for the compensation they are paying you. If they are, then the rest should not matter.

But if you don't enjoy the job because it triggers your anxiety, then that is a separate issue. If that persists, you may need to think about whether there is another job that would be less anxiety provoking, but would still be rewarding and afford you the compensation that you want/need.

[Rita Fitzgerald]

To the best of my ability, my work is not affected. In truth, I am more productive at home because being alone helps keep my anxiety lower when it flares up. And there is another employee on my team who frequently works from home, more often than I do, because he is often sick. I just get the impression sometimes that my bosses don't consider them to be the same or similar. One of my bosses is really the one I worry about; he is not my direct boss but still a supervisor, and has told me in the past that I am "too emotionally involved" at times.

[Kuma]

It might be useful, at some point, to say to your boss something like: "At some point, when you have a chance, I would like some feedback about how I am doing as an employee and whether there are ways I could contribute more and add more value. I think I am doing well here but if there are things I could do to improve my performance and my contribution, I hope you will let me know because I want to be a team player, do a great job and add a lot of value to the organization."

Most bosses are open to that sort of thing and appreciate it. And then you will learn what they are thinking about your performance, rather than having to guess or worry about it.

The way I think about it is this: You are entitled not to be looked down on because of your anxiety. It is not right to discriminate against someone because of their anxiety any more than it is to discriminate against someone because they have diabetes or cancer. But at the same time, your employer is entitled to get consistently good quality services from you and a reasonable effort on your part to minimize any adverse impact that your anxiety has on your colleagues or clients or customers etc.

[Im-Suffering]

Briefly:


To the best of my ability, my work is not affected. In truth, I am more productive at home because being alone helps keep my anxiety lower when it flares up. And there is another employee on my team who frequently works from home, more often than I do, because he is often sick. I just get the impression sometimes that my bosses don't consider them to be the same or similar. One of my bosses is really the one I worry about; he is not my direct boss but still a supervisor, and has told me in the past that I am "too emotionally involved" at times.

And where does the guilt fit in, my dear Rita?

"Anxiety and Related Guilt" - For what?

That is my only question.

A job is only a job, but guilt will tear you apart.

"My bosses are very analytical, non-emotional people"

From the outside. On the inside they are overwhelmed with emotions. Dis-ease of the body is a result of repressive thought. (emotion). They will feel, one way or the other, no exceptions. They are people, afterall.

There is no guilt, or shame in expressing yourself, never prohibit, exhibit. Never repress, express. Never de-value, validate. Believe. Be you. All-ways.

The anxiety has little to do with work or emotionless humans and pay-for-value (work), and more to do with self worth (regardless of any productivity at all). And that has been a lesson for quite some time (worth is inherent, innate). The job is a trigger. "Hey Rita ! One day sooner than later, you will learn what a valued, unique, validated, beautiful person you are. Anything that stands in the way of that is a lie, and will trigger you toward realization"

You cannot buy worth, but you can lose it trying. Worth is innate in every creature, a mouse does not deny its being, feel shameful, or guilty. Or somehow judge itself against a time clock.

At any time, you can change your life, period. Money is not connected with work (in greater terms)-Bargain with life for a penny and that's what you get. It is just as easy to manifest one million overnight as to punch the clock for a nickel. Money (energy) responds to "passion". The stronger the emotion and desire (expectations) the quicker it will appear and in quantities proportionate to your beliefs about it.

"I am worthy"
"I am deserving"
"I am good"
"I am valuable"
"I am whole"
"I am capable"

"I am these things and more, and they are not attached with (entangled) to my value as an 'employee' or the hours of a day. I was born with these qualities, they are my birthright, I have the right to live, a good life."

I am telling you about money because it is part of the issue. The stress, the guilt about being you (with anxiety), feeling bad about yourself. The fears.

Change is coming my dear.

Now, this post has taken a great deal of energy (emotions), so I must end it here. Revisit and read it again until it clicks.

Namaste. I do see the light within you. Do you?

[carebear]

This is quite beautiful and well said. needed to hear this too!

Thank you.


Briefly:



And where does the guilt fit in, my dear Rita?

"Anxiety and Related Guilt" - For what?

That is my only question.

A job is only a job, but guilt will tear you apart.

"My bosses are very analytical, non-emotional people"

From the outside. On the inside they are overwhelmed with emotions. Dis-ease of the body is a result of repressive thought. (emotion). They will feel, one way or the other, no exceptions. They are people, afterall.

There is no guilt, or shame in expressing yourself, never prohibit, exhibit. Never repress, express. Never de-value, validate. Believe. Be you. All-ways.

The anxiety has little to do with work or emotionless humans and pay-for-value (work), and more to do with self worth (regardless of any productivity at all). And that has been a lesson for quite some time (worth is inherent, innate). The job is a trigger. "Hey Rita ! One day sooner than later, you will learn what a valued, unique, validated, beautiful person you are. Anything that stands in the way of that is a lie, and will trigger you toward realization"

You cannot buy worth, but you can lose it trying. Worth is innate in every creature, a mouse does not deny its being, feel shameful, or guilty. Or somehow judge itself against a time clock.

At any time, you can change your life, period. Money is not connected with work (in greater terms)-Bargain with life for a penny and that's what you get. It is just as easy to manifest one million overnight as to punch the clock for a nickel. Money (energy) responds to "passion". The stronger the emotion and desire (expectations) the quicker it will appear and in quantities proportionate to your beliefs about it.

"I am worthy"
"I am deserving"
"I am good"
"I am valuable"
"I am whole"
"I am capable"

"I am these things and more, and they are not attached with (entangled) to my value as an 'employee' or the hours of a day. I was born with these qualities, they are my birthright, I have the right to live, a good life."

I am telling you about money because it is part of the issue. The stress, the guilt about being you (with anxiety), feeling bad about yourself. The fears.

Change is coming my dear.

Now, this post has taken a great deal of energy (emotions), so I must end it here. Revisit and read it again until it clicks.

Namaste. I do see the light within you. Do you?