First CBT Session

[poseguer]

Hi everyone, I'm a 21 year old female trying to get my life back on track. I started another quarter at the university I'm attending yesterday. Yesterday was also the date of my first CBT session. I found out that not only am I suffering panic attacks multiple times daily, but in my current state of mind I've also been categorized as "severely depressed."

I have started to realize, however, that a lot of my panic and depression is related to feelings of guilt. I always feel like I'm not doing what I should be, like I'm a disappointment to my parents, despite them telling me explicitly otherwise. My family goes on a yearly trip to Mexico for Christmas and New Years, and this year I didn't go. I spent the holidays instead with my boyfriend, and now I can't stop feeling guilty, like I made the wrong decision. I keep telling myself that it is normal for people at my age to branch out and want to make their own decisions, but I'm having a really hard time believing it. I feel like I keep taking out all of my guilty feelings on my boyfriend, isolating myself from him. In some ways, I even feel like I unfairly blame him for the decision I made to stay.

I'm also battling feelings of guilt relating to marijuana and tobacco use. I am two weeks tobacco free, but I still use an e-cig and I can't stop myself from feeling guilty about it, like I should've just quit cold turkey. At the same time, even the thought of going through yet another drastic change right now almost sends me over the edge into another panic attack. I feel like I'm drowning in all the pain that I feel sometimes. I want to keep making progress and my first session of therapy made me a little more optimistic, but honestly it's so difficult sometimes waking up in the morning. The first thing that I want to do every time is curl into a ball and cry, and not have to see anyone all day and just give in to my panic.

[gypsylee]

Hi everyone, I'm a 21 year old female trying to get my life back on track. I started another quarter at the university I'm attending yesterday. Yesterday was also the date of my first CBT session. I found out that not only am I suffering panic attacks multiple times daily, but in my current state of mind I've also been categorized as "severely depressed."

I have started to realize, however, that a lot of my panic and depression is related to feelings of guilt. I always feel like I'm not doing what I should be, like I'm a disappointment to my parents, despite them telling me explicitly otherwise. My family goes on a yearly trip to Mexico for Christmas and New Years, and this year I didn't go. I spent the holidays instead with my boyfriend, and now I can't stop feeling guilty, like I made the wrong decision. I keep telling myself that it is normal for people at my age to branch out and want to make their own decisions, but I'm having a really hard time believing it. I feel like I keep taking out all of my guilty feelings on my boyfriend, isolating myself from him. In some ways, I even feel like I unfairly blame him for the decision I made to stay.

I'm also battling feelings of guilt relating to marijuana and tobacco use. I am two weeks tobacco free, but I still use an e-cig and I can't stop myself from feeling guilty about it, like I should've just quit cold turkey. At the same time, even the thought of going through yet another drastic change right now almost sends me over the edge into another panic attack. I feel like I'm drowning in all the pain that I feel sometimes. I want to keep making progress and my first session of therapy made me a little more optimistic, but honestly it's so difficult sometimes waking up in the morning. The first thing that I want to do every time is curl into a ball and cry, and not have to see anyone all day and just give in to my panic.

Hi there, welcome to the forum :)

Well this sounds like the story of my life, except I've been told I'm a disappointment. I'm still battling those demons at 41yo *sigh*.

Good on you for doing CBT and quitting smoking. I wouldn't feel guilty about using the e-cig :)

All the best to you,
Gypsy x

[NixonRulz]

:ol
Hi everyone, I'm a 21 year old female trying to get my life back on track. I started another quarter at the university I'm attending yesterday. Yesterday was also the date of my first CBT session. I found out that not only am I suffering panic attacks multiple times daily, but in my current state of mind I've also been categorized as "severely depressed."

I have started to realize, however, that a lot of my panic and depression is related to feelings of guilt. I always feel like I'm not doing what I should be, like I'm a disappointment to my parents, despite them telling me explicitly otherwise. My family goes on a yearly trip to Mexico for Christmas and New Years, and this year I didn't go. I spent the holidays instead with my boyfriend, and now I can't stop feeling guilty, like I made the wrong decision. I keep telling myself that it is normal for people at my age to branch out and want to make their own decisions, but I'm having a really hard time believing it. I feel like I keep taking out all of my guilty feelings on my boyfriend, isolating myself from him. In some ways, I even feel like I unfairly blame him for the decision I made to stay.

I'm also battling feelings of guilt relating to marijuana and tobacco use. I am two weeks tobacco free, but I still use an e-cig and I can't stop myself from feeling guilty about it, like I should've just quit cold turkey. At the same time, even the thought of going through yet another drastic change right now almost sends me over the edge into another panic attack. I feel like I'm drowning in all the pain that I feel sometimes. I want to keep making progress and my first session of therapy made me a little more optimistic, but honestly it's so difficult sometimes waking up in the morning. The first thing that I want to do every time is curl into a ball and cry, and not have to see anyone all day and just give in to my panic.

Welcome to the Forum

Starting with having panic attacks and depression . Very normal for a person that suffersfrom anxiety for some time(the amount of time varies for each person) to develop depression

Often due to the fact that they lose hope that they will ever feel like themselves again. I went through the same even though everything else in my life was just peachy

Regarding feeling guilty about not going on vacation, you are correct. It is normal for someone your age to start making choices like that over family affairs. It's just you becoming an independent adult

Smoking an E-cig shouldn't make you feel guilty, it should make you feel great. You aren't smoking tobacco anymore and even though the electronic cigs may or may not be perfectly fine, I can tell you they are 100% safer than smoking cigarettes

It's just how you view something. Chose the positive side of not smoking tobacco, not beating yourself up over an e-cig

Are you taking a SSRI for the panic and depssion? If not, can really help you immensely when first trying to rid yourself of both those things. Gets your mind straightened out chemically so you can focus on changing your thought patterns

Lastly, I struck out with the three therapists that I sought to help. All 3 May as well gotten out of a clown car.

In your case, if you continually feel guilty about things and beat yourself up over them, talking to someone may be a big help.

Maybe as simple as lacking confidence or just may be anxiety itself

Anxiety always as you questioning your decisions.

I wish you well on your path

[Kuma]

So you are studying at a university, doing CBT and managed to quit smoking? Sounds like you are doing a lot of really constructive stuff for your physical and mental health, and for your future.

Those of us with anxiety often tend to look at the negative side of things, feel more guilt than pride, second guess decisions we make even though they were objectively reasonable, etc. And yes, after a while that can get depressing. I have personally experienced all of this.

But as a "neutral" third person, I can see that you are doing some very reasonable, and very admirable, things. Quitting smoking is huge. E-cigs are much better. Maybe you will have a goal of giving up the E-cigs too. That would be great. But to quit smoking regular cigs "cold turkey" is extremely hard. So moving to E-cigs is a very reasonable and very constructive thing to do. Maybe set a goal to quit those too, within, say, a year.

Doing CBT is not easy, if you take it seriously. It is not a spectator sport. But that is another very constructive thing you are doing. CBT has been studied quite a bit, and it has a good track record. You should feel proud of taking this step to help yourself.

And the vacation? That is no big deal. If you went on the family vacation, that would have been fine. If you skip it to spent time with your boyfriend, that is fine too. (This is another thing those of us with anxiety tend to do -- blow things out of proportion. This one is no big deal and you did not do anything wrong).

You think you are a disappointment to your parents? Again, that is the anxiety speaking. But you know the real facts, because your parents told you the real facts -- that you are NOT a disappointment to them. The CBT will help you focus on the real facts, and not allow the anxiety to cloud your perspective.

You are actually doing a lot of really good stuff, even if it does not feel that way. And the fact that you are doing all this even though it is hard for you makes it even more admirable. You have a lot to be proud of.