PaddyPower
01-05-2015, 07:23 AM
Axiety by Patryk
My name is Patryk i am 20 year's old, i have being suffreing from axiety since about 15 months ago and i'm still fighting it every single day i want to show you my story and how it's being for me and what i am slowly relasing, but first i wanna write why and how it did started off.
i was age 14 when i started my '' teenager life '' i was '' enjoying my life '' as some people would say, drinking, smoking weed, smoking ciggarets alot, at age 16 i disscovered new harder drugs and was using it till age 19 when... one day i came home and experienced my first panic attack ( happened after a joint ) for about 8 hours i was jumping from bed to window, and sitting down, i had a stone stuck in my throat couldn't breath, my heart was pumping really fast i started crying i was so mentaly tired and scared that i fell asleep on the chair i woke up next morning scared of everything, but i thought was just a bad trip, so as usual went out to my friends and smoked some pot, then i started thinking in about 5-10minutes i got a panic attack and ran home sitting in my room afraid so i started reading doing some research and realised i suffer from Axiety so the more i was reading and more i was thinking it started getting worst i did not come out the house for about 3 months sitting at home depressed thinking i was going crazy, i started eating less cause every time i ate food i felt like i can't breath and my stomach is sore and heart is going fast... but sure it's normal happens to every human in the world when they eat too much, so i slowly started getting tired of all this, twice i even wrote letter good bye to my parents cause i was 100% sure i'm going to die, but i kept waking up next morning normal ? i didn't die ? my heart is working, i can breath? so i thought this is all bullshiet it's my brain! so why should my brain tell me what to do ? so i disscovered that when i have really bad attack i just need to jump into shower, so i started doing this but not always u can have shower around you, so there was big question what to do?! as i am afraid of doctors, dentists or psychologists i just went to normal pharmency and got tablets called KALMS which are natural tablets that have helped some people with stress, and it did help me alot. but there was still this very bad feeling in me when i was getting stressed and worried, so i meet my Love, and every time we used to go on a date right before the date i was shaking, sweating, so afraid to have a heart attack, but when she finally came out to me it was all gone? i forgot about it so the more time i was spending with my Love i was feeling better, happier,like i needed her to fight it and i realised if i am having a heart attack but minute later i am fine ? something it's not right. then i was sitting down thinking it's my brain just playing tricks on me so i started treating it as a friend as i need this axiety to be here so i don't feel lonely. so it all went away, but i got another axiety every time i was on the bus or in my girlfriends house i felt like i need to go to toilet for a POO, so many of times i just told my girlfriend i feel sick and i need to go home ( i needed poo ) i was just scared to have one in her house but when i got home i didn't need to go toilet? so from one axiety to another, so i was thinking the more i am scared of not having my toilet around me i just need to go for poo, so every time i needed to poo i just started doing something else try to concentrate on it, and i still have this in my head i need to go toilet atleast 3 times per day and kinda afraid to eat outside but i am slowly working on it.
and now about 3 weeks ago my biggest fear came back! i ate alot of chocolate and went toilet and puked, i started feeling my axiety, it came back but really strong this time, i couldn't sleep i had a fear of nothing! i can breath, my heart isn't going fast, all what i feel is sore muscles, and i cant relax but i have this worry feeling inside me like something it's not okay. so every time i ate i got sick cause it made me feel better, sitting in the shower 2-3 times per day and in time of 2 weeks i got to this stage i'm afraid to walk out my house, i just sit in my room, i went to work and i cried in the toilet paniced and ran home, next day i went and got some medicine: Lexapro 10MG, half beta-prograne 80mg prolonged release capsules and Lexotan 3Mg it's my third day of taking it, the first day i took it i felt really bad had one of the biggest axiety attacks, and now i am slowly relasing maybe i don't need medicine? i just need to relax, take it inside me, let the axiety come into me, show it a nice feeling dont show it that i am sad, stressed or i panic, just make it feel comfortable, take the axiety like it's your friend who you didn't see for a long time. for now i am going to do this and if i am fully sure i will stay of slowly of my meds.
I WILL EDIT MY STORY EVERY DAY !
My name is Patryk i am 20 year's old, i have being suffreing from axiety since about 15 months ago and i'm still fighting it every single day i want to show you my story and how it's being for me and what i am slowly relasing, but first i wanna write why and how it did started off.
i was age 14 when i started my '' teenager life '' i was '' enjoying my life '' as some people would say, drinking, smoking weed, smoking ciggarets alot, at age 16 i disscovered new harder drugs and was using it till age 19 when... one day i came home and experienced my first panic attack ( happened after a joint ) for about 8 hours i was jumping from bed to window, and sitting down, i had a stone stuck in my throat couldn't breath, my heart was pumping really fast i started crying i was so mentaly tired and scared that i fell asleep on the chair i woke up next morning scared of everything, but i thought was just a bad trip, so as usual went out to my friends and smoked some pot, then i started thinking in about 5-10minutes i got a panic attack and ran home sitting in my room afraid so i started reading doing some research and realised i suffer from Axiety so the more i was reading and more i was thinking it started getting worst i did not come out the house for about 3 months sitting at home depressed thinking i was going crazy, i started eating less cause every time i ate food i felt like i can't breath and my stomach is sore and heart is going fast... but sure it's normal happens to every human in the world when they eat too much, so i slowly started getting tired of all this, twice i even wrote letter good bye to my parents cause i was 100% sure i'm going to die, but i kept waking up next morning normal ? i didn't die ? my heart is working, i can breath? so i thought this is all bullshiet it's my brain! so why should my brain tell me what to do ? so i disscovered that when i have really bad attack i just need to jump into shower, so i started doing this but not always u can have shower around you, so there was big question what to do?! as i am afraid of doctors, dentists or psychologists i just went to normal pharmency and got tablets called KALMS which are natural tablets that have helped some people with stress, and it did help me alot. but there was still this very bad feeling in me when i was getting stressed and worried, so i meet my Love, and every time we used to go on a date right before the date i was shaking, sweating, so afraid to have a heart attack, but when she finally came out to me it was all gone? i forgot about it so the more time i was spending with my Love i was feeling better, happier,like i needed her to fight it and i realised if i am having a heart attack but minute later i am fine ? something it's not right. then i was sitting down thinking it's my brain just playing tricks on me so i started treating it as a friend as i need this axiety to be here so i don't feel lonely. so it all went away, but i got another axiety every time i was on the bus or in my girlfriends house i felt like i need to go to toilet for a POO, so many of times i just told my girlfriend i feel sick and i need to go home ( i needed poo ) i was just scared to have one in her house but when i got home i didn't need to go toilet? so from one axiety to another, so i was thinking the more i am scared of not having my toilet around me i just need to go for poo, so every time i needed to poo i just started doing something else try to concentrate on it, and i still have this in my head i need to go toilet atleast 3 times per day and kinda afraid to eat outside but i am slowly working on it.
and now about 3 weeks ago my biggest fear came back! i ate alot of chocolate and went toilet and puked, i started feeling my axiety, it came back but really strong this time, i couldn't sleep i had a fear of nothing! i can breath, my heart isn't going fast, all what i feel is sore muscles, and i cant relax but i have this worry feeling inside me like something it's not okay. so every time i ate i got sick cause it made me feel better, sitting in the shower 2-3 times per day and in time of 2 weeks i got to this stage i'm afraid to walk out my house, i just sit in my room, i went to work and i cried in the toilet paniced and ran home, next day i went and got some medicine: Lexapro 10MG, half beta-prograne 80mg prolonged release capsules and Lexotan 3Mg it's my third day of taking it, the first day i took it i felt really bad had one of the biggest axiety attacks, and now i am slowly relasing maybe i don't need medicine? i just need to relax, take it inside me, let the axiety come into me, show it a nice feeling dont show it that i am sad, stressed or i panic, just make it feel comfortable, take the axiety like it's your friend who you didn't see for a long time. for now i am going to do this and if i am fully sure i will stay of slowly of my meds.
I WILL EDIT MY STORY EVERY DAY !