wartortle
01-03-2015, 08:11 PM
Hello,
I am 23 years old. I am currently at a tipping point in regards to a problem and potential personality disorder which has continuously manifested itself throughout my life and has become increasingly severe and detrimental over the years.
Problem:
Complete and utter inability to look at electronic communications sent to me - for days at a time
Debilitating and paralyzing effect of quite literally not being able to get myself to look at my texts, emails, and phone calls. I am fully aware of how rude, irresponsible, and quite frankly mean it is to those who are trying to communicate with me, as it can conjure thoughts in their minds that I am possibly hurt, in trouble, ect...
I am completely aware of how illogical my actions are in the way of knowing that responding 3 hours late is a lot better than responding 3 days late. However, even though I know this, the anxiety causes me to simply not be able to get myself to look at the texts and emails. I leave my phone face down, allow the constant nagging and anxiety to ruminate the entire time, and perform mindless activities for 2 or 3 days while the anxiety continues to fester in both my subconscious and conscious mind. I am simply petrified of looking at my phone – which is clearly illogical.
Typically occurs after one of the following two scenarios: 1) I have either missed several communications in a row without noticing. When I realize such, I have an enormous anxious feeling associated with already having been out of communication so long (even though we are talking maybe an hour or two) that there could be someone pissed at me at the other side. 2) The other typical impetus is waking up after a night of heavy drinking. I will go missing for days and not be able to get myself to look at my texts, emails and missed calls due to the anxiety associated with my potential drunken actions which occurred the night before.
Problem Background / History:
Since I can remember, I have always completely pulled away from society and everyone in it for multiple days at a time once every few months or so. I would not look at my phone, emails ect... and would sit in bed. As the years have gone by, these symptoms have gotten more more dramatic, more frequent, and far more detrimental to my life as a functioning adult. As a kid who was constantly working very hard, we believed these times to always just be "resets" per say in which I was catching up on missed sleep and rest.
Personal Background / History:
Diagnosed with ADHD when 7 and have been on medications since (primarily adderall and currently on vayarin as well)
Currently take lunesta for sleep (have been taking for the past 6 years)
Currently on wellbutrin for depression as well
Always excelled in school - graduated top of class from a well known and respected university
Highly functioning (other than this problem being discussed here), somewhat of a perfectionist, and I hold myself to an incredibly high standard overall
Theorized Potential Root Causes:
General Anxiety or Social Anxiety - After doing much internal reflection and thought about this, I am fairly certain I can trace this crippling anxiety back to associations with the feeling of shame. Whether it be shame that I had not been more reachable over the past two hours, or shame of the potential actions of the night before, my perfectionist type personality creates an extreme amount of shame with both of these potential scenarios.
Avoidant Personality Disorder - Although I have never officially been diagnosed, I am fairly confident that I have always had this to at least some extent. I have experienced textbook symptoms my entire life (going through relatively large lengths to avoid interactions with others for really no reason). The oddest thing is that I am very social and appear to be an extrovert to others. I have absolutely not problem interacting with people and in fact being the "life of the party" or at least an integral part of an events entertainment, comes very naturally once I am taking part in the interaction. However, I will avoid intimate personal interactions at all costs. I will walk through different hallways if I see someone who I know walking down one, for no other reason than to avoid them, no matter who they are, and all rooting from feelings I have of anxiety. However, I am always unsure as to what I am actually anxious about in regards to these interactions
Ask / Hope:
I am hoping / wondering if anyone else has experienced such an anxiety, and if so, how they diagnosed it and treated it?
This is becoming an absolutely crippling agent in my life which is negatively effecting all facets of my being; work, social life and family. As we all know, and as I know, going missing and not answering any communications for days at a time is simply unacceptable and something a grown responsible person cannot do with no warning or heads up to those which rely on them.
I imagine my Dr. will either give me something along the lines of either a short acting benzo for me to take when these episodic feelings arise, or a potentially longer acting extended release anxiety medication such as an SSRI like lexapro. I plan on discussing with my psychiatrist at my next visit.
In the meantime though, absolutely any help or information from anyone that may have been in a similar situation would be incredibly appreciated.
I am 23 years old. I am currently at a tipping point in regards to a problem and potential personality disorder which has continuously manifested itself throughout my life and has become increasingly severe and detrimental over the years.
Problem:
Complete and utter inability to look at electronic communications sent to me - for days at a time
Debilitating and paralyzing effect of quite literally not being able to get myself to look at my texts, emails, and phone calls. I am fully aware of how rude, irresponsible, and quite frankly mean it is to those who are trying to communicate with me, as it can conjure thoughts in their minds that I am possibly hurt, in trouble, ect...
I am completely aware of how illogical my actions are in the way of knowing that responding 3 hours late is a lot better than responding 3 days late. However, even though I know this, the anxiety causes me to simply not be able to get myself to look at the texts and emails. I leave my phone face down, allow the constant nagging and anxiety to ruminate the entire time, and perform mindless activities for 2 or 3 days while the anxiety continues to fester in both my subconscious and conscious mind. I am simply petrified of looking at my phone – which is clearly illogical.
Typically occurs after one of the following two scenarios: 1) I have either missed several communications in a row without noticing. When I realize such, I have an enormous anxious feeling associated with already having been out of communication so long (even though we are talking maybe an hour or two) that there could be someone pissed at me at the other side. 2) The other typical impetus is waking up after a night of heavy drinking. I will go missing for days and not be able to get myself to look at my texts, emails and missed calls due to the anxiety associated with my potential drunken actions which occurred the night before.
Problem Background / History:
Since I can remember, I have always completely pulled away from society and everyone in it for multiple days at a time once every few months or so. I would not look at my phone, emails ect... and would sit in bed. As the years have gone by, these symptoms have gotten more more dramatic, more frequent, and far more detrimental to my life as a functioning adult. As a kid who was constantly working very hard, we believed these times to always just be "resets" per say in which I was catching up on missed sleep and rest.
Personal Background / History:
Diagnosed with ADHD when 7 and have been on medications since (primarily adderall and currently on vayarin as well)
Currently take lunesta for sleep (have been taking for the past 6 years)
Currently on wellbutrin for depression as well
Always excelled in school - graduated top of class from a well known and respected university
Highly functioning (other than this problem being discussed here), somewhat of a perfectionist, and I hold myself to an incredibly high standard overall
Theorized Potential Root Causes:
General Anxiety or Social Anxiety - After doing much internal reflection and thought about this, I am fairly certain I can trace this crippling anxiety back to associations with the feeling of shame. Whether it be shame that I had not been more reachable over the past two hours, or shame of the potential actions of the night before, my perfectionist type personality creates an extreme amount of shame with both of these potential scenarios.
Avoidant Personality Disorder - Although I have never officially been diagnosed, I am fairly confident that I have always had this to at least some extent. I have experienced textbook symptoms my entire life (going through relatively large lengths to avoid interactions with others for really no reason). The oddest thing is that I am very social and appear to be an extrovert to others. I have absolutely not problem interacting with people and in fact being the "life of the party" or at least an integral part of an events entertainment, comes very naturally once I am taking part in the interaction. However, I will avoid intimate personal interactions at all costs. I will walk through different hallways if I see someone who I know walking down one, for no other reason than to avoid them, no matter who they are, and all rooting from feelings I have of anxiety. However, I am always unsure as to what I am actually anxious about in regards to these interactions
Ask / Hope:
I am hoping / wondering if anyone else has experienced such an anxiety, and if so, how they diagnosed it and treated it?
This is becoming an absolutely crippling agent in my life which is negatively effecting all facets of my being; work, social life and family. As we all know, and as I know, going missing and not answering any communications for days at a time is simply unacceptable and something a grown responsible person cannot do with no warning or heads up to those which rely on them.
I imagine my Dr. will either give me something along the lines of either a short acting benzo for me to take when these episodic feelings arise, or a potentially longer acting extended release anxiety medication such as an SSRI like lexapro. I plan on discussing with my psychiatrist at my next visit.
In the meantime though, absolutely any help or information from anyone that may have been in a similar situation would be incredibly appreciated.