Christmas Night and I feel Anxious, and Abandoned Vehicle.

[1Bluerose68]

I am feeling like an old abandoned vehicle.

Or perhaps a nicer model, newer type car, still abandoned.

OK, so 1st my BFF dies on me, my 1st cousin dies on me, my 1st serious BF/Live In Partner dies on me.

Then last year was my very 1st Christmas alone, as my parents had both died on me over the last 4 years.

Last year was 1st year w/o dad, and before that we had 3 Christmas years pass w/o mom.

I hope I'm not on some sort of Schindler's List for a henchman to come lurking round the corner with a scythe and burlap sack to toss me into once he is finished henching me too.

OK , so what if I am over reacting a bit.

This feeling is indescribable.

You will never know how this feels, to be lonely and anxious, unless you experience what I have experienced.

It's miserable and I feel physically extra cold at night.

I even think I will freeze myself into a permanent state of Ice-O-Lat-shun forever one night and never awaken due to the bitter coldness of the aura round here.

I feel very insecure.

My executor is a bit on the uncommunicative odd side, and it gives me the creeps too.

[Im-Suffering]

I am feeling like an old abandoned vehicle.

Or perhaps a nicer model, newer type car, still abandoned.

OK, so 1st my BFF dies on me, my 1st cousin dies on me, my 1st serious BF/Live In Partner dies on me.

Then last year was my very 1st Christmas alone, as my parents had both died on me over the last 4 years.

Last year was 1st year w/o dad, and before that we had 3 Christmas years pass w/o mom.

I hope I'm not on some sort of Schindler's List for a henchman to come lurking round the corner with a scythe and burlap sack to toss me into once he is finished henching me too.

OK , so what if I am over reacting a bit.

This feeling is indescribable.

You will never know how this feels, to be lonely and anxious, unless you experience what I have experienced.

It's miserable and I feel physically extra cold at night.

I even think I will freeze myself into a permanent state of Ice-O-Lat-shun forever one night and never awaken due to the bitter coldness of the aura round here.

I feel very insecure.

My executor is a bit on the uncommunicative odd side, and it gives me the creeps too.

Open your heart. If you do, I promise you will never be lonely again.

I don't break my promises.

There can be no icy chill in you if you are open to love. Just saying 'I have opened my heart, love come into my life' will do. Say it every morning and every evening.

In one form or another I have been giving you this exact message since the first day you joined here. The message will only change when you do..

You know you are keeping yourself distant, no secret here. You are sitting by the (proverbial) window making scary faces in costume to all who would befriend you..love you..

All that is needed is to take that mask off, that you use to scare everyone away.

Also, do not lose hope on money. Don't become despondent - or push it away by false beliefs about both you and money itself. It could be said that money is the physical equivalent of self worth, and while not entirely true, you must believe at the least that you are deserving. That in itself will attract it into your experience. Money is a state of mind, and like anything else, the 'atmosphere' of the inner self determines the outer 'conditions'.

Believe you are worth a days pay, and that's (only) what you get. Bargain with life for a penny, and a penny is what you receive. Believe that your worth is not determined by the hours of effort (sweat. Or any false 'truth') and demand wealth in your experience, and that is what you receive.

I tell all of you, a million dollars cannot comprehend what you call 'time' nor is it governed by it. It can, therefor come in an instant just as easily as a lifetime of saving. Superimposing an idea you believe to be fact onto a piece of paper activates that idea as a probable experience. 'I am wealthy, money comes to me in many ways' is a good overall belief, you see. You are not placing restrictions upon its attainment..

Lastly, about your 'dollar store' shopping. A wealthy man can shop in a dollar store for he is not challenged by his beliefs. A poor man shopping in a dollar store reinforces the feelings of poverty and low esteem. Seeing people more fortunate than he, creates more despondency and literally keeps him poor by solidifying his beliefs - and stripping him of constructive expectations - the only way to truly turn his life around.

Poverty is an agreement, and in those terms you must sign the document. Simply refuse to sign it.

[Cullingford]

Hi ya Blue I am sorry to hear you are suffering from loneliness that is such a cold cruel thing, we definitely are not designed to be isolated. You always sound such lovely sweet person and I am sure there is something really good for you just around the corner.

Be careful with that bed mind that broken spring doesn't poke you somewhere nasty :D