glimmer2525
12-18-2014, 07:32 PM
I don't know how much more of this I can take..
Today I've had about 3 panic attacks. In fact I'm still not quite over the 3rd one as I type this. Just needing a means of distraction and to vent out my frustrations. Day by day, my life is accommodating to this personal hell. In other words, anxiety is making me it's bit*h. I'm on Buspar right now, and I also have a prescription for something else but I try to avoid that one as it puts me straight to sleep and, well, I don't want to be sleeping all the time. What I want is my life back. I want to do all the things I used to do. It's funny, I used to be so fearless. Now I avoid almost everything under the sun.
I made an appointment with a naturopathic doctor but her next available appointment isn't until the end of next month. She's going to be testing me for food sensitivities, hormonal imbalances, all that good stuff. But just what the hell am I supposed to do with myself until then? My mother thinks that maybe I have some sort of magnesium deficiency. It's also highly likely that I have a Vitamin D deficiency. None of this was mentioned in my most recent bloodwork, however, perhaps those specific panels weren't ran. All I want is to know WHY my body/brain is doing this to me. Perhaps there's a very good reason, or perhaps no reason at all. I just want to know for sure :'(
Until my appointment, I know I'll do my best to take good care of myself, but I also am returning to work in a couple of weeks. I'm scared shitless. Everyone keeps trying to talk to me like I'm the one in control here, but I don't feel like I am. This is the most awful hell-beast I've ever had to deal with. Day in, and day out, it's the same racing heart (or palpitating/irregular heartbeat), sweating hands, dizziness, trembling, choking, manual breathing, feeling like there's a golf ball in my throat. I HATE THIS. I want my life back :( I want to be ME again.
Today I've had about 3 panic attacks. In fact I'm still not quite over the 3rd one as I type this. Just needing a means of distraction and to vent out my frustrations. Day by day, my life is accommodating to this personal hell. In other words, anxiety is making me it's bit*h. I'm on Buspar right now, and I also have a prescription for something else but I try to avoid that one as it puts me straight to sleep and, well, I don't want to be sleeping all the time. What I want is my life back. I want to do all the things I used to do. It's funny, I used to be so fearless. Now I avoid almost everything under the sun.
I made an appointment with a naturopathic doctor but her next available appointment isn't until the end of next month. She's going to be testing me for food sensitivities, hormonal imbalances, all that good stuff. But just what the hell am I supposed to do with myself until then? My mother thinks that maybe I have some sort of magnesium deficiency. It's also highly likely that I have a Vitamin D deficiency. None of this was mentioned in my most recent bloodwork, however, perhaps those specific panels weren't ran. All I want is to know WHY my body/brain is doing this to me. Perhaps there's a very good reason, or perhaps no reason at all. I just want to know for sure :'(
Until my appointment, I know I'll do my best to take good care of myself, but I also am returning to work in a couple of weeks. I'm scared shitless. Everyone keeps trying to talk to me like I'm the one in control here, but I don't feel like I am. This is the most awful hell-beast I've ever had to deal with. Day in, and day out, it's the same racing heart (or palpitating/irregular heartbeat), sweating hands, dizziness, trembling, choking, manual breathing, feeling like there's a golf ball in my throat. I HATE THIS. I want my life back :( I want to be ME again.