Just need to talk

[gadguy]

Hello I'm back, I have done well up until recently, still medicated, Lexapro for my anxiety and Clonazapam(sp) for insomnia also half one will help take edge off on bad days. A few weeks ago I had a major anxiety/panic attack melt down. I foolishly thought i could maintain a relationship with a woman who I really felt something for...but I was getting more and more anxious with everyday of relationship, then things started to snowball. It was a Friday we had a date planned for that night. At work Friday my boss reminded me of the a mistake i had made several weeks earlier and that we were still dealing with the consequences of my mistake..he only did this to remind me to be careful..he was not trying to ride my back...well that was the trigger the attack began..I had to cancel my date and I spent the next 6 days not being able to work, eat, dry heaving, hot flashes, chills complete despair and hopelessness. I ended the relationship and told her it was because of my anxiety and have come to peace with being unable to have or maintain a relationship. I have been good since then until this week for some reason i am extremely close to another attack...I feel it just under the surface. I honestly don't know if I can survive another like the last one...I really felt like I was close to dieing and I am pretty sure it freaked my Dr out also, so I know it was bad. Everyday just seems to get a little worse, I am a health nut, but find myself stress eating and gaining weight 12 pounds so far, I injured my leg and have been out of gym for 2 months and that was were i worked out a lot of my stress...my nights are filled with dreams and nightmares. Now i find myself worrying that if I have another attack like last one i an going to end up dead or carted off in a straight jacket.

[JustaGal]

Hello I'm back, I have done well up until recently, still medicated, Lexapro for my anxiety and Clonazapam(sp) for insomnia also half one will help take edge off on bad days. A few weeks ago I had a major anxiety/panic attack melt down. I foolishly thought i could maintain a relationship with a woman who I really felt something for...but I was getting more and more anxious with everyday of relationship, then things started to snowball. It was a Friday we had a date planned for that night. At work Friday my boss reminded me of the a mistake i had made several weeks earlier and that we were still dealing with the consequences of my mistake..he only did this to remind me to be careful..he was not trying to ride my back...well that was the trigger the attack began..I had to cancel my date and I spent the next 6 days not being able to work, eat, dry heaving, hot flashes, chills complete despair and hopelessness. I ended the relationship and told her it was because of my anxiety and have come to peace with being unable to have or maintain a relationship. I have been good since then until this week for some reason i am extremely close to another attack...I feel it just under the surface. I honestly don't know if I can survive another like the last one...I really felt like I was close to dieing and I am pretty sure it freaked my Dr out also, so I know it was bad. Everyday just seems to get a little worse, I am a health nut, but find myself stress eating and gaining weight 12 pounds so far, I injured my leg and have been out of gym for 2 months and that was were i worked out a lot of my stress...my nights are filled with dreams and nightmares. Now i find myself worrying that if I have another attack like last one i an going to end up dead or carted off in a straight jacket.

I can relate. What do you think about journaling? Writing every thought that comes to mind. That may release some of the build up. As far as exercise, arm weights....
"don't know if I can survive another like the last one". You are feeding the beast friend. I would consider some kind of support group through this season in life. It will get you out of isolation and get the support you need.
I hope you feel better very soon!

[Im-Suffering]

Open your heart...


I foolishly thought i could maintain a relationship with a woman who I really felt something for. You can, without the crap and sludge of your beliefs in the way.

I ended the relationship and told her it was because of my anxiety and have come to peace with being unable to have or maintain a relationship. No, you haven't. A human does not come to terms with not being able to have relationships. False belief and part of the faulty programming.

You don't know who you are. You have been told lies about you, and you believed them.

I have been good since then. Until the storehouse of clutter overflows and you have periodic breakdowns..

An Apple tree does not wish or dream of growing pears. If it did, it would grow despondent. An apple tree is utterly itself, and finds joy in its expression of growing Apple's. All people alike benefit from this tree who knows who it is, who has defined itself and its place in the world. Our trees fruit delights all who eat from it. All of the other fruit trees in the forest work together in cooperative relationships, a grand venture called life, that they work at as a team. If one tree falls ill, all trees are affected and the whole world changes because of it. Each action of each seedling is meaningful, creative, and valued. The tree finds fulfilment in being (open, honest, truthful in who it is), and loves itself.

Our tree, through trial and error over time has found no useful benefit in thinking badly about itself. And so it does not believe in anything that is not for its highest good.

You could take a lesson from this Apple tree and the magical secrets it holds.

[gadguy]

Open your heart...



An Apple tree does not wish or dream of growing pears. If it did, it would grow despondent. An apple tree is utterly itself, and finds joy in its expression of growing Apple's. All people alike benefit from this tree who knows who it is, who has defined itself and its place in the world. Our trees fruit delights all who eat from it. All of the other fruit trees in the forest work together in cooperative relationships, a grand venture called life, that they work at as a team. If one tree falls ill, all trees are affected and the whole world changes because of it. Each action of each seedling is meaningful, creative, and valued. The tree finds fulfilment in being (open, honest, truthful in who it is), and loves itself.

Our tree, through trial and error over time has found no useful benefit in thinking badly about itself. And so it does not believe in anything that is not for its highest good.

You could take a lesson from this Apple tree and the magical secrets it holds.

Very profound and to the point.

You have the thoughts in my mind running in circles, but my thought process is usually like a movie on fast forward and rewind...planning ahead then reliving all the let downs that happened and how I could have done better.

Where does one start? Who am I? I thought I knew...I also know I don't like who I am...........I know who I want to be, but I fall short. The imaginary life in my head is better than my reality.

I only feel free when I have had several drinks, I drop my guard and walls and seem to have no worries, I seldom drink that much for fear of it becoming a way of life.

I feel so lost at this moment

[Im-Suffering]

Very profound and to the point.

You have the thoughts in my mind running in circles, but my thought process is usually like a movie on fast forward and rewind...planning ahead then reliving all the let downs that happened and how I could have done better.

Where does one start? Who am I? I thought I knew...I also know I don't like who I am...........I know who I want to be, but I fall short. The imaginary life in my head is better than my reality.


I feel so lost at this moment

Define if the thoughts in your head (beliefs) are ones you want to keep or discard. You can discard a belief.

Is the voice a parent, is the belief (fact of life) something learned through experience or what you have been told. (That might conflict with your own experience)

For example :

Parent " you are bad"

Direct experience "I am good"

Who do you believe. You must examine the contents of your mind for validity as it applies to your current life. This is thy purpose of every creature. To learn to think aright and consciously sort beliefs. Your life would then go from haphazard to purposeful.

The conflicts cause your experience of "being lost"

To fall short is ok, because you are creative, and creativity is action. Action has momentum, so keep moving in the desired direction your imagination takes you. There is no goal, just a journey. Falling short (in those terms) is symbolic of this natural motion consistently striving for new ideas. And so "falling short" can be associated with positive or negative beliefs.

Feeling badly about you has created your life thus far (to experience life from the viewpoint of self hatred.) And thus a learning tool..

No creature inherently dislikes itself, no exceptions. So this is (merely the result of) conditioning.

You are on the right track. Rather than use the inner pictures (image~ination) for destructive influence (negative beliefs feeling badly), use it purposefully for the higher good - believing you are good, feeling good.

As you feel joy (by releasing false beliefs about who you are) and there begins the turnaround, you will meet self more and more. (Who you are).

That is all.

[gadguy]

Define if the thoughts in your head (beliefs) are ones you want to keep or discard. You can discard a belief.

Is the voice a parent, is the belief (fact of life) something learned through experience or what you have been told. (That might conflict with your own experience)

For example :

Parent " you are bad"

Direct experience "I am good"

Who do you believe. You must examine the contents of your mind for validity as it applies to your current life. This is thy purpose of every creature. To learn to think aright and consciously sort beliefs. Your life would then go from haphazard to purposeful.

The conflicts cause your experience of "being lost"

To fall short is ok, because you are creative, and creativity is action. Action has momentum, so keep moving in the desired direction your imagination takes you. There is no goal, just a journey. Falling short (in those terms) is symbolic of this natural motion consistently striving for new ideas. And so "falling short" can be associated with positive or negative beliefs.

Feeling badly about you has created your life thus far (to experience life from the viewpoint of self hatred.) And thus a learning tool..

No creature inherently dislikes itself, no exceptions. So this is (merely the result of) conditioning.

You are on the right track. Rather than use the inner pictures (image~ination) for destructive influence (negative beliefs feeling badly), use it purposefully for the higher good - believing you are good, feeling good.

As you feel joy (by releasing false beliefs about who you are) and there begins the turnaround, you will meet self more and more. (Who you are).

That is all.

You really make a lot of sense, and I can see why I feel the way I do, just from looking back to childhood to present...time to start deprogramming. THANX