Feel Good
12-17-2014, 05:19 AM
The following was taken out of my personal LOG that I'm trying to keep to help me understand my anxiety better. So far it's doing wonders for me and I suggest everyone do the same type of thing.
All's I'm expecting out of this post is people with similar situations, people who maybe have some of the same fears as me. Maybe you're at a later stage than me? You've conquered or are controlling it. Maybe you're even worse than me, or just as bad as me and like to know there's someone else with the same issues.
Either way drop me a message I'd like to hear anyone's opinion and advice.
Just a bit of background information before reading the situation below.
- I'm a 22 year old male. The first E.R visit I had due to my anxiety was age 9 where I believed I couldn't swallow but they told me nothing was wrong with my throat. My first panic attack was when I was 10
- I remember being afraid to swallow at even an age of 7. It wasn't severe until I was about 11.
- Sometimes it goes away for a month or two but then returns.
- Marijuana makes everything 10x worse. I'm garunteed 100% a full blown E.R visiting anxiety attack if I smoke pot.
- I have bad dental hygiene mainly due to my anxiety. Brushing was always uncomfortable for me, having stuff in my mouth is a chore that gives me great deals of anxiety. That's what is leading to the below situation.
- I was diagnosed with agoraphobia, my agoraphobia is due to fear of having anxiety attacks in public.
- I stopped seeing my psychiatrist about 2 years ago but one thing I remembered him always saying was to find the root of my anxiety, and I've found it.
- The root of my anxiety is pseudodysphagia, a fear of choking. It's an irrational fear that you can choke on anything. It's affected my life so severely I've isolated myself and have a very strict diet of easy to eat food.
- I was on Cipralex 20mg pills and they seemed to work a bit, but the side effects were noticable too and I stopped taking them. I don't want pills anyways, in the long run I want CBT alongside psychiatric help without pills.
Dec 17th, 2014 writing.
Beginning this writing at 4:00 a.m. I have a feeling it’s going to be long. It involves critical information about my oral health that I’m going to need to read and reread to help me. I have major pain in my upper right tooth where my entire tooth is probably dead. It’s almost completely gone after a bit more of it fell away about a week ago. It’s black, and it has to be infected. The pain is almost unbearable(I can’t sleep with this pain anyways). I need to go the dentist. I’ve avoided going for multiple reasons but I can’t delay it anymore. So I did some research and it seems there ARE dentists who do a variety of sedative treatments. My problem is after the sedative is done. I have to have work done on my lower teeth as well. This means they’ll administer a block injection which numbs the throat and tongue. How do you expect me to be calm when the #1 fear I have is choking and I can’t feel half of my throat or tongue. Another fear I have is choking on gauze or dental instruments. X-rays which are simple scare the living shit out of me. I don’t want to put that crap in my mouth. Also the social anxiety of it all. Having to explain these fears to a dentist making his job 10 times harder because my brain is a major asshole. I don’t want to be a burden, I don’t want to make someone else’s job hard because my brain sucks. So what’s the problem if I can be sedated then? Well I’d need to be put to sleep or dazed out of my mind(IV; twilight sleep sedation) Well that’s it, I’d either have to be knocked out or high off my ass to get any medical procedure done. Both are EXPENSIVE. They are NOT covered by free health care because they are not necessary. F*** the government and their lack of concern for mental illness. Someone with my levels of anxiety should be fully covered for this type of procedure under OHIP(Ontario Health Insurance Program). I might just have to buy some illegal benzos and pop a shit load of them before, during, and after my mouth gets abused by the scary dentist. It’s still going to be extremely difficult and I just hope to God I don’t end up in the E.R with a major panic attack.
All's I'm expecting out of this post is people with similar situations, people who maybe have some of the same fears as me. Maybe you're at a later stage than me? You've conquered or are controlling it. Maybe you're even worse than me, or just as bad as me and like to know there's someone else with the same issues.
Either way drop me a message I'd like to hear anyone's opinion and advice.
Just a bit of background information before reading the situation below.
- I'm a 22 year old male. The first E.R visit I had due to my anxiety was age 9 where I believed I couldn't swallow but they told me nothing was wrong with my throat. My first panic attack was when I was 10
- I remember being afraid to swallow at even an age of 7. It wasn't severe until I was about 11.
- Sometimes it goes away for a month or two but then returns.
- Marijuana makes everything 10x worse. I'm garunteed 100% a full blown E.R visiting anxiety attack if I smoke pot.
- I have bad dental hygiene mainly due to my anxiety. Brushing was always uncomfortable for me, having stuff in my mouth is a chore that gives me great deals of anxiety. That's what is leading to the below situation.
- I was diagnosed with agoraphobia, my agoraphobia is due to fear of having anxiety attacks in public.
- I stopped seeing my psychiatrist about 2 years ago but one thing I remembered him always saying was to find the root of my anxiety, and I've found it.
- The root of my anxiety is pseudodysphagia, a fear of choking. It's an irrational fear that you can choke on anything. It's affected my life so severely I've isolated myself and have a very strict diet of easy to eat food.
- I was on Cipralex 20mg pills and they seemed to work a bit, but the side effects were noticable too and I stopped taking them. I don't want pills anyways, in the long run I want CBT alongside psychiatric help without pills.
Dec 17th, 2014 writing.
Beginning this writing at 4:00 a.m. I have a feeling it’s going to be long. It involves critical information about my oral health that I’m going to need to read and reread to help me. I have major pain in my upper right tooth where my entire tooth is probably dead. It’s almost completely gone after a bit more of it fell away about a week ago. It’s black, and it has to be infected. The pain is almost unbearable(I can’t sleep with this pain anyways). I need to go the dentist. I’ve avoided going for multiple reasons but I can’t delay it anymore. So I did some research and it seems there ARE dentists who do a variety of sedative treatments. My problem is after the sedative is done. I have to have work done on my lower teeth as well. This means they’ll administer a block injection which numbs the throat and tongue. How do you expect me to be calm when the #1 fear I have is choking and I can’t feel half of my throat or tongue. Another fear I have is choking on gauze or dental instruments. X-rays which are simple scare the living shit out of me. I don’t want to put that crap in my mouth. Also the social anxiety of it all. Having to explain these fears to a dentist making his job 10 times harder because my brain is a major asshole. I don’t want to be a burden, I don’t want to make someone else’s job hard because my brain sucks. So what’s the problem if I can be sedated then? Well I’d need to be put to sleep or dazed out of my mind(IV; twilight sleep sedation) Well that’s it, I’d either have to be knocked out or high off my ass to get any medical procedure done. Both are EXPENSIVE. They are NOT covered by free health care because they are not necessary. F*** the government and their lack of concern for mental illness. Someone with my levels of anxiety should be fully covered for this type of procedure under OHIP(Ontario Health Insurance Program). I might just have to buy some illegal benzos and pop a shit load of them before, during, and after my mouth gets abused by the scary dentist. It’s still going to be extremely difficult and I just hope to God I don’t end up in the E.R with a major panic attack.