the new guy!

[mrlove93]

hey all i came here hoping to find help or others who i can talk to who know what im going through

basically ive suffered from depression and anxiety before, the depression isnt all that bad nowadays although it still seems to resonate within me but ive been having a lot of trouble with anxiety lately and its just ruining everything for me

ive just recently got a new job and ive not even been there a month and im already struggling to keep myself going, i already missed a few shifts and had a disciplinary against me because of that, but i just cant cope, every day when i wake up theres just a horrible feeling almost like a fear of being at work i dont know how it even started but the other week as i woke up in time for work i was shaking and my heart was beating really fast and part of me just tells me not to go because i'll be much more comfortable, safe and less stressed if i stay home, i dont know what it is because when i have been at work i have been fine its just the times before its scary and im scared, i didnt go in today when i was supposed to because again the same things happened i dont want to see those people i dont feel like i can face customers and it makes it even harder to return to work because i feel like everyones going to be looking at me and judging me for what ive done,

im 21 and still live with my parents and i feel like im making such a fool of myself, im letting myself down and im letting my family down. ive had several jobs and stayed with them no longer than 5 months because i just couldnt take it, my previous job (which was 2 years ago, i was going through a really bad spell of depression and couldnt bare to leave the house let alone go to work) i found myself just breaking down at work and had to go sit in the office and just started crying to myself.

for some reason over the summer i had a really good spell i was eating healthy keeping fit exercising regularly and was chasing down a career i wanted but since then its just gone to pot my anxiety has come back and its ruining my chances of having a job before ive even spent a month working there

[mrlove93]

also i find it so hard to explain myself when it comes to anxiety, its really hard to explain how you feel i really hope you understand, i always feel like people are just gonna think im lying and making it up i feel concious about myself as if ive done something wrong or something, im not sure if its just a sort of general anxiety or social anxiety, but like just little things that happen too, i saw somebody write about like when they see somebody they know and they get almost scared or anxious because theyre like anticipating the moment when they speak and they have to speak to them too, thats the kinda thing that happens with me, and when im walking down the street i feel like people are looking at me as if i look stupid or something and it makes me feel uncomfortable :/

Anybody else feeling these kind of things ? ?
its funny because when im with my friends they dont see it, because i am just me, the me i am supposed to be, funny and happy and confident, a lot of people liked me and it made me feel good, i just want to be that person im supposed to be but when im by myself everything changes and i become this other bad kinda person

im scared because i always think to myself how am i ever going to get through life if i cant hold down a job, im gonna end up alone and very miserable

[BeerNWings]

I'm no expert but just an observation. If I'm reading this right you are no longer exercising. Notice how you were exercising before and things were going good. Just sayin.

Diet also. Eat good, feel good. Diet and exercise is powerful stuff. I really don't think any doctor can prescribe anything better. I discovered this completely by accident, just trying to get into shape. We were designed for exercise, it's natural, it's right. Make a commitment to yourself to stay in shape. At least for me when I was your age taking care of my body felt like one thing I could control. There is time for beer and junk food but you want to keep it to a minimum.

Just not showing up for work isn't acceptable. Unless you hit the lottery or something you gotta work to pull your weight in life. Running or some intense cardio on a regular schedule should help you deal with it. Think how you felt after a workout. There was a time you felt good and you can do it again. Just go out and start putting one foot in front of the other, you'll feel better. The weights are good too but at least for me the cardio seems to be the straw that stirs the drink. I still love blasting chest but the running is my miracle drug! Running just seems to fix all the brain chemicals and get everything flowing correctly.

You probably need to do more to deal with anxiety but proper diet and exercise should make things more manageable.

[Im-Suffering]

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Just not showing up for work isn't acceptable. ~ Belief, and this is how the OP is judged further spiraling despondency.

Unless you hit the lottery or something you gotta work to pull your weight in life. Again ~ Belief. The verdict is not a life sentence, the weight is imaginary..

Now, giving advice of exercise and diet, yet naming yourself "beernwings" is a conflict. You are teaching yourself here. And that is positive. Keep in mind however the OP is under the (mental) weight of judgement. Things are not always as they seem. So many sacrifice depth in life by simply skimming the surface. The surface contains the obvious (and still distorted to some degree) wheras the depth holds the truth.



To the OP you have a fear of criticism. Only by facing self, squarely, and truthfully, can self be healed. Take note. .

Symptoms of the fear of criticism (for the OP mrlove93):



SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS.

Generally expressed through nervousness, timidity in conversation and in meeting strangers, awkward movement of the hands and limbs, shifting of the eyes.

LACK OF POISE.

Expressed through lack of voice control, nervousness in the presence of others, poor posture of body, poor memory.

PERSONALITY.

Lacking in firmness of decision, personal charm, and ability to express opinions definitely. The habit of side-stepping issues instead of meeting them squarely. Agreeing with others without careful examination of their opinions.

INFERIORITY COMPLEX.

The habit of expressing self-approval by word of mouth and by actions, as a means of covering up a feeling of inferiority. Using "big words" to impress others, (often without knowing the real meaning of the words). Imitating others in dress, speech and manners. Boasting of imaginary achievements. This sometimes gives a surface appearance of a feeling of superiority.

EXTRAVAGANCE.

The habit of trying to "keep up with the Joneses," spending beyond one's income.

LACK OF INITIATIVE.

Failure to embrace opportunities for self-advancement, fear to express opinions, lack of confidence in one's own ideas, giving evasive answers to questions asked by superiors, hesitancy of manner and speech, deceit in both words and deeds.

LACK OF AMBITION.

Mental and physical laziness, lack of self-assertion, slowness in reaching decisions, easily influenced by others, the habit of criticising others behind their backs and flattering them to their faces, the habit of accepting defeat without protest, quitting an undertaking when opposed by others, suspicious of other people without cause, lacking in tactfulness of manner and speech, unwillingness to accept the blame for mistakes

[Cullingford]

Hi there the trick here is not to let yourself become overwhelmed with this job, try and split your day up into achievable parts. Concentrate on one thing do it thoroughly tick it off your list then move on. Hopefully your confidence will grow and you may start to get something from work apart from anxiety.