Skyla1
12-12-2014, 03:26 PM
Hi there,
Well, I have so many hang-ups I don’t know where to begin.
First of all, I’m 29 years old and female. I have a mum but my dad left me before I was born. I managed to get a copy of my birth certificate but the “father” box has a line through it. None of my family will tell me who my dad is and I don’t think they ever will. The only thing I know about him is that my mum said he wouldn’t make a very good dad and my stepdad told my boyfriend that my dad had been in prison a few times.
I have friends but they’re mostly on Facebook and have families of their own.
Life at school – life at school was pretty tough. I was bullied a lot, mostly because of how I looked (I didn’t wear makeup or wore earrings like the other girls in my classes), because of how I spoke (I didn’t have the local dialect and I came across as a bit posh) and because I worked hard. I left school with more qualifications than I was predicted and I managed to get into college, which I left with an A Level.
At work – I managed to get a job. It wasn’t well paid but it was enough and I made lots of friends. At first I didn’t perform very well – I got a lot of things wrong but when things started to make sense I passed my probation with no problem and I was becoming recognised as one of the most improved admin people on the team. I was also shortlisted for a prestigious award the company gave out but I didn’t progress to the next stage, which was an invite to the awards dinner in London. I didn’t mind. I had a letter that showed I was appreciated and that to me was enough.
A few years into my job something within me changed. My mood was much lower and I was becoming aggressive and confrontational, especially to my boss. I also somehow got into explosive temper tantrums. I still came into work when I was meant to, did what was expected of me and reached and exceeded my targets but there was a lot going on with me at the time – I was in a lot of pain with an old injury on my hip and I was on repeated doses of painkillers because my doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. My mum was also diagnosed with primary progressive multiple sclerosis and I moved to a new area which required me to walk 20 minutes to a bus stop and endure a 55 minute bus journey to work and back each day. I always had a good track record for attendance and punctuality and I didn’t want to ruin it. There were times when it was unavoidable and although I had very good reasons for it (mainly during snowstorms and the buses weren’t running) I was penalised in some way.
I moved closer to my work within a year and my hip problem had been found. My consultant offered me hip surgery to correct it and he told me after the operation that he was glad I elected to have it done because it could have progressed to arthritis. I was given crutches and signed off work for two weeks. I only used the crutches for three days since the pain died down and I worked extremely hard in doing the daily strength training set out by my consultant. When I came back to work I was put on a disciplinary for exceeding my time off sick.
Later in the year my behaviour became even more erratic, causing me to do disappearing acts and locking myself in toilet cubicles to listen to music or watch videos on my iPod. I was also tired, sweating a lot and my periods were irregular and heavy. So I went to the doctor who tested my thyroid. The test for it was abnormal, but not abnormal enough to warrant treatment. Still, I had an ultrasound to see how bad my thyroid was and it was enlarged. The front of my neck swelled and it became uncomfortable to wear scarves in the cold weather. People would stare at me in the street, probably wondering how on earth I could look so pale and with a swollen neck and at times I would be confrontational with them. I felt so bad that I left my job and took redundancy pay. I had 8 years’ worth so I knew I could get by for a little bit.
I was eventually diagnosed hypothyroid 6 months later and the doctor started my treatment for it. Unfortunately because my family had never heard of the thyroid gland or what it does they didn’t understand what symptoms my illness caused. So I felt I had to prove my illness to them by showing them my medical exemption card, setting up a website that describes my illness, taking my medication with me. A few times I had been so stressed out by my family asking me how my job hunt was going when all the time I was feeling tired and unwell that I actually stopped my medication, incurring the wrath of one of my doctors. She got incredibly furious with me and made me cry and so I left the practice.
But now I am back on the medication and have been taking it consistently for over 3 months now. I’m still not feeling much better and my test results are still not looking good but I’ve tried to make things work. I have been working by myself to arrange treatment plans – since I take other medications as well – and even food plans, which hasn’t been easy because my boyfriend can eat whatever he likes but I have restrictions put in place. I am also working to advocate for myself during appointments and looking for ways to make myself heard – after all, I’m quite a shy person and I have no confidence in getting people to listen to me.
So things are slightly more bearable and although my boyfriend and I are breaking up in the New Year it’ll be a mutual split and he wants us to remain friends. I’ll be moving out of the house and living with my mum and step dad. I’m also studying to be a nurse next year but until then I’m planning to pay my way by getting a small job, then moving out of my mum’s place and getting a place of my own. I know the course itself will be daunting because I’ll be dressing wounds and intubating people but I think that with practice I’ll do just fine, it’ll help my confidence and I love to help people.
Yes. I am very much a people person and most of the time I am quite sunny. I love that word, sunny. And I’ve always been likeable, whether in work or outside of it and I always treat people how I like to be treated – regardless of whether I know them or not.
What I don’t like is when I’m out and about on my own and I get strangers glancing at me or seemingly staring at me. If they’re on the same side of the road as me I’ll cross the road so that they’re on the opposite side to me. If there are two people, one on each side of the road I’ll either walk around a parked car to avoid passing them or I would walk into the middle of the road and walk along it till they have passed me. It depends if it’s a quiet road or not. Other times I will stop in my tracks and go back the way I came – even take a longer route if it means avoiding anyone.
I feel like I’m going mad by writing such things but sometimes stress gets the better of me and most of the time because I’ve mostly tried to help me I feel as though the only one who understands me is me.
Well, I have so many hang-ups I don’t know where to begin.
First of all, I’m 29 years old and female. I have a mum but my dad left me before I was born. I managed to get a copy of my birth certificate but the “father” box has a line through it. None of my family will tell me who my dad is and I don’t think they ever will. The only thing I know about him is that my mum said he wouldn’t make a very good dad and my stepdad told my boyfriend that my dad had been in prison a few times.
I have friends but they’re mostly on Facebook and have families of their own.
Life at school – life at school was pretty tough. I was bullied a lot, mostly because of how I looked (I didn’t wear makeup or wore earrings like the other girls in my classes), because of how I spoke (I didn’t have the local dialect and I came across as a bit posh) and because I worked hard. I left school with more qualifications than I was predicted and I managed to get into college, which I left with an A Level.
At work – I managed to get a job. It wasn’t well paid but it was enough and I made lots of friends. At first I didn’t perform very well – I got a lot of things wrong but when things started to make sense I passed my probation with no problem and I was becoming recognised as one of the most improved admin people on the team. I was also shortlisted for a prestigious award the company gave out but I didn’t progress to the next stage, which was an invite to the awards dinner in London. I didn’t mind. I had a letter that showed I was appreciated and that to me was enough.
A few years into my job something within me changed. My mood was much lower and I was becoming aggressive and confrontational, especially to my boss. I also somehow got into explosive temper tantrums. I still came into work when I was meant to, did what was expected of me and reached and exceeded my targets but there was a lot going on with me at the time – I was in a lot of pain with an old injury on my hip and I was on repeated doses of painkillers because my doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. My mum was also diagnosed with primary progressive multiple sclerosis and I moved to a new area which required me to walk 20 minutes to a bus stop and endure a 55 minute bus journey to work and back each day. I always had a good track record for attendance and punctuality and I didn’t want to ruin it. There were times when it was unavoidable and although I had very good reasons for it (mainly during snowstorms and the buses weren’t running) I was penalised in some way.
I moved closer to my work within a year and my hip problem had been found. My consultant offered me hip surgery to correct it and he told me after the operation that he was glad I elected to have it done because it could have progressed to arthritis. I was given crutches and signed off work for two weeks. I only used the crutches for three days since the pain died down and I worked extremely hard in doing the daily strength training set out by my consultant. When I came back to work I was put on a disciplinary for exceeding my time off sick.
Later in the year my behaviour became even more erratic, causing me to do disappearing acts and locking myself in toilet cubicles to listen to music or watch videos on my iPod. I was also tired, sweating a lot and my periods were irregular and heavy. So I went to the doctor who tested my thyroid. The test for it was abnormal, but not abnormal enough to warrant treatment. Still, I had an ultrasound to see how bad my thyroid was and it was enlarged. The front of my neck swelled and it became uncomfortable to wear scarves in the cold weather. People would stare at me in the street, probably wondering how on earth I could look so pale and with a swollen neck and at times I would be confrontational with them. I felt so bad that I left my job and took redundancy pay. I had 8 years’ worth so I knew I could get by for a little bit.
I was eventually diagnosed hypothyroid 6 months later and the doctor started my treatment for it. Unfortunately because my family had never heard of the thyroid gland or what it does they didn’t understand what symptoms my illness caused. So I felt I had to prove my illness to them by showing them my medical exemption card, setting up a website that describes my illness, taking my medication with me. A few times I had been so stressed out by my family asking me how my job hunt was going when all the time I was feeling tired and unwell that I actually stopped my medication, incurring the wrath of one of my doctors. She got incredibly furious with me and made me cry and so I left the practice.
But now I am back on the medication and have been taking it consistently for over 3 months now. I’m still not feeling much better and my test results are still not looking good but I’ve tried to make things work. I have been working by myself to arrange treatment plans – since I take other medications as well – and even food plans, which hasn’t been easy because my boyfriend can eat whatever he likes but I have restrictions put in place. I am also working to advocate for myself during appointments and looking for ways to make myself heard – after all, I’m quite a shy person and I have no confidence in getting people to listen to me.
So things are slightly more bearable and although my boyfriend and I are breaking up in the New Year it’ll be a mutual split and he wants us to remain friends. I’ll be moving out of the house and living with my mum and step dad. I’m also studying to be a nurse next year but until then I’m planning to pay my way by getting a small job, then moving out of my mum’s place and getting a place of my own. I know the course itself will be daunting because I’ll be dressing wounds and intubating people but I think that with practice I’ll do just fine, it’ll help my confidence and I love to help people.
Yes. I am very much a people person and most of the time I am quite sunny. I love that word, sunny. And I’ve always been likeable, whether in work or outside of it and I always treat people how I like to be treated – regardless of whether I know them or not.
What I don’t like is when I’m out and about on my own and I get strangers glancing at me or seemingly staring at me. If they’re on the same side of the road as me I’ll cross the road so that they’re on the opposite side to me. If there are two people, one on each side of the road I’ll either walk around a parked car to avoid passing them or I would walk into the middle of the road and walk along it till they have passed me. It depends if it’s a quiet road or not. Other times I will stop in my tracks and go back the way I came – even take a longer route if it means avoiding anyone.
I feel like I’m going mad by writing such things but sometimes stress gets the better of me and most of the time because I’ve mostly tried to help me I feel as though the only one who understands me is me.