ovenbakedbread
12-07-2014, 10:23 PM
I'm a senior in high school. I had my first "episode" of depression in sophomore year. I usually get really REALLY down in the winter, usually in January-March. I'll be graduating in May so I'm almost done but honestly I get so freaking tired of people telling me to "just hang in there" or "you only have a few months left!" They have no idea how long those "few" months can be when you're constantly angry, miserable, and just plain hating school. My mom told me she'd bring me to Tokyo after I graduate if I have an "issue-free" school year, meaning I don't fuck up again and become depressed. I'm excited for college and excited to graduate, and I'm trying so hard not to slip up and relapse but school makes me so upset. I hate my peers. HATE THEM. I hate my teachers and the shit they give us. I hate the literal building. I pay 10k a year and they can't afford air conditioning. Seriously people? I can't have blue hair :(, can't wear nonblack shoes or socks, and I can't have any piercings. The place is just suffocating in every sense of the word. I graduate in May. I need to graduate. I want to go to Tokyo too but sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it. I'm so unhappy. My mom won't consider any other method of schooling so I'm stuck here for five more fucking months. I want to scream just thinking about it. I don't know what to do. I'm just plain unhappy. I've lived the past few years of my life just barely hanging on in hopes that something better will happen. I want to live because I WANT to, you know? Not waiting for something else. I'm so exhausted.