Inner diaologue/fear of schizophrenia!

[willgetbetter89]

Hey guys, I would really like some advice with what I am going through.. It is all based upon a particular fear that I have had for some time now which is schizophrenia.. It does not matter how much reassurance I get from doctors/psychologists I just can't seem to shake it. I will tend to feel better for a few days and then spiral down the same hole of rumination/obsessive/anxious thoughts. All because of the following:

-music being stuck in my head all day/night
-as drifting off to sleep I will have racing thoughts being images or inner dialogue like conversations I've had or may have with someone
-flashbacks of dreams throughout the day
-If I'm talking to someone I will think of the next thing they are about to say (mainly obvious things) like yes/no
-fake paranoid thoughts, Meaning I'm not really paranoid but I will always make up a paranoid scenario

I have been diagnosed with GAD and OCD, but all of the above just feels so much more. I'm not on medication as I am stubborn and I refuse because of side effects. I just don't know what to do. This has been going on for almost 6 months and does not feel like it is getting any easier!

[willgetbetter89]

Does anyone relate to my symptoms?

[Friendy_Mugger]

Hey WillGetBetter,

I know that this can be really scary. Like pretty much everyone on this board, I'm struggling with anxiety too. I can actually relate to you specifically because for a quick moment, I became terrified that I was developing schizophrenia too. No matter what research I read, nothing helped. However, I found one small, very simply fact that completely reassured me and made my worries go away:

People who are developing/have schizophrenia do not know they have schizophrenia.

Schizophrenia essentially means that your brain is not working correctly. While patients who suffer from this can identify their symptoms once they are aware of their problem, they very rarely notice until they are deep within the disorder. Most commonly, it's the people around them who being to notice erratic changes in behavior.

What you sound like you're suffering from is intrusive thoughts, which is definitely a side effect of OCD and something I struggle with. Essentially, this means that you conceptualize a disturbing thought, and then you can not get it out of your head. These are very difficult to deal with, but harmless - just false thoughts.

Finally, I know what you mean about medication. My whole life, I've been scared of being medicated because of the side effects of the medicine - there's lots of horror stories online. However, I've recently realized that there are MANY people who really benefit from medication, and with some fine tuning, can find meds that work with them with no, or very few side effects. While it's of course not ideal, I realize now that being medicated could be better than struggling with your symptoms for life.

I hope this helps you a bit, much luck on your journey to recovery.

[MAM090982]

I can relate. I am going through the exact same thing. When did your symptoms start? Do you have repeating thoughts, that can sometimes be names, phrases, songs, images, curse words?

[willgetbetter89]

I can relate. I am going through the exact same thing. When did your symptoms start? Do you have repeating thoughts, that can sometimes be names, phrases, songs, images, curse words?

I have songs repeating in my head all day/night.. I do get random images and thoughts. Most of the times they are flashbacks of dreams or flashbacks of random memories of very strange things.. Childhood, movies I've watched, almost Anthying. As far as I know they are called mind pops.

[willgetbetter89]

Hey WillGetBetter, I know that this can be really scary. Like pretty much everyone on this board, I'm struggling with anxiety too. I can actually relate to you specifically because for a quick moment, I became terrified that I was developing schizophrenia too. No matter what research I read, nothing helped. However, I found one small, very simply fact that completely reassured me and made my worries go away: People who are developing/have schizophrenia do not know they have schizophrenia. Schizophrenia essentially means that your brain is not working correctly. While patients who suffer from this can identify their symptoms once they are aware of their problem, they very rarely notice until they are deep within the disorder. Most commonly, it's the people around them who being to notice erratic changes in behavior. What you sound like you're suffering from is intrusive thoughts, which is definitely a side effect of OCD and something I struggle with. Essentially, this means that you conceptualize a disturbing thought, and then you can not get it out of your head. These are very difficult to deal with, but harmless - just false thoughts. Finally, I know what you mean about medication. My whole life, I've been scared of being medicated because of the side effects of the medicine - there's lots of horror stories online. However, I've recently realized that there are MANY people who really benefit from medication, and with some fine tuning, can find meds that work with them with no, or very few side effects. While it's of course not ideal, I realize now that being medicated could be better than struggling with your symptoms for life. I hope this helps you a bit, much luck on your journey to recovery.

Thanks for your reply, how long did u have these intrusive thoughts for? They just feel like they are getting worse.. I have so much inner dialogue it frustrates me so much.. I always have some sort of dialogue playing in my head.. Weather it's songs, previous conversations, things people are about to say.. It's like my thoughts are racing and I can't stop them!