Keeping It Simple [Archive] - Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks

Ponder

12-07-2014, 03:20 AM

Stunning as usual Cully. Always a pleasure to see your part of the world. Thanks man. I'm really glad you guys could make it. I know what you mean Cully ... about it feeling weird. I figure this place could do with a bit of fresh air from time to time. Too much analytic thinking kind of wears people down. Hopefully we can keep it simple. :)

Hi Dahila- Just as with Cully, it's Always a pleasure crossing paths with you. I am please to hear you report on how the others are also doing well.

My intro photo was taken with my mobile phone.

YES - I am selling my DSLR and all the flashes, triggers, lens, reflectors, filters, adapters, batteries and much much more that I acquired with that set of tools. So far I have sold my entire bluray collection of several hundred or so with the Home theater setup and so on. My police scanner, even my DRONE! -> telescope, Dekstop PC, tablet, garden tools, large tiller, book shelves, dining table, and much much more is also currently on auction and ready for removal. Everything in my shed is going to be given away if not eventually thrown out. A lot more furniture I am giving to my kids and also sorting out all my old clothes, shoes - right down to all my electrical cables I have been holding onto.

My wife and I are pretty serious about lightening the load. Whilst I have been flat out helping my daughter (as you know) - and selling all my gear, I can feel a sense of space starting to take place in my head.

All that camera gear was beginning to kill the experience for me cully. I do understand well your captivation with it. :) – I have always had trouble with switching off. I have enjoyed the learning curve very much and have a treasure trove of pictures at my Flikr account that I can turn to when the need arises. In the meantime though … I look forward to simply using my mobile phone and using my processing skills in Photoshop which seems to run find on the little notebook I now use.
All the photos you see in here will be a mix between my mobile phone and little Nikon Compact. I even went through a left all the Flikr groups I was a part of. I really am looking towards living life much more simply now. I am done with all the attachments. Sigh … now I don’t mean to break out into some kind of new age babble here. Lol – I’m just done with all the baggage is all.
Next on my list is to really work on eating healthy … and doing more with my days. Sorry … but this is turning into one of my long posts again. Long, but without the need to be wrong or right. All that crap has been holding me back and stopping me from moving.
I figure by the time I restore the backyard, gain the energy back to do the upkeep on the place … that I will have lost a bit of weight. Hopefully I will then be able to keep my energy levels up for longer as well as my spirits as well.

That’s about it for now. Loads and Loads of sweating and still more to go. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz But feeling hopeful ... I'm listening to some old 80s music to help me burn through the physical barrier. I have so much garbage caked up inside me and the mood altering chemicals have rutted my brain - right now is a case of Do-Or-Die for me. ;) ... again - it's been a work in progress over the last "few months" and currently I am feeling hopeful about things.

I think you will find this is the case for a few people who have not been engrossed within this forum from day to day - they have actually been Doing things and making progress with that. Kudos to them. Was really pleased to hear about our long lost friends in that regard. :)

JohnC

12-07-2014, 07:43 AM

Golly it's really good to see you guy's. All you guys have a great eye for photos and i wish i could keep going with it ( guess i could ). Ponder i have a some what different problem sort of parallels yours. I am always jealous of all the stuff that people i know have and i get the "i wants" really bad. People around me seem to have the Midas touch as they just fall into money i.e. wealthy parents, big inheritance and then just look down on people like me who have been working since i was 13 years old and some of these people never had a legitimate job until they were in there late 20's WTF. Anyhow, sorry to ramble. What i am saying is i guess that i need to learn to be thankful for what i got but it's tough when i am around people who were born with a silver spoon in their mouth. Miss you three and always good to here from you.
Dam, did i get off the subject or what? Peace all and i am very happy that you guy's are well :)

JohnC

12-07-2014, 07:46 AM

I got to check into Flickr . I have not been on there in months and i do have photos to upload.

Ponder

12-07-2014, 12:15 PM

JOHN!!!! Mate!!!! DUDE!!!!!! - So glad to hear from you. Forgive the outburst there. Doc is worried I am going to go all manic since coming off the meds. "Rolls Eyes"

I am so glad to see your familiar text again. Just know I have been thinking about you! The others will tell you I have been asking after ya. :) Means the world to see you pop in man. To be honest, I was kind of hoping if I came on back here for a bit, that I might bump into some old friends :) - Any friends I have - are only online man. Hell ... when It comes to having a friend off line, I have to have someone who is "paid" to come on over and have a chat. Personal Mentor kind of thing. Anyways buddy ... so glad to hear from you. k

Yea, I know I have a hiking buddy - but he is now like 5 hours away and was like 2 hours previous to that. Been years since I had anyone close by - but that's OK - learning to deal with it. Just really glad to hear from you if you have not noticed. LOL

Funny I should mention my old hiking buddy - we have grown apart, yet there seems to be a mutual respect despite the void that seems to of grown. What you said about Jealousy - or thereabouts - has made me think ... or prompted something I already know within myself. I hear you loud and clear John , or think I do.
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I need to go for a walk first, then will come back and share my thoughts. John - please do talk about anything that is on your mind. Don't even think about it much, just let it come and say it. You guys have been super patient with me in that regard and I feel so much better for letting certain things out rather than exploding in public as has been the case previously. You are with TRUE friends in here man!!!! - I go on a fair bit I know ... but is much better out than all pent up man. I thank you so much for what you have just said. The jealously that often raises its head in me is quite toxic.

I go for that walk ... back soon. Peace Brother :)

JohnC

12-07-2014, 01:05 PM

Howdy do ole buddy, I think you may have sparked a fire under my ass about all the material crap. If you remember from some old conversations i used to live in Alaska and dreamed of living off the grid. This was before all these reality shows about doing just that, came out. But you got me thinking and instead of being jealous of all the stuff that i wish i had like the spoiled ones around me maybe i could go back to my old way of a "minimalist "type life. I know my wife and kids are not going to let me go that far with it but you know what i mean. I did manage to put another deer in the freezer so we should not have to buy any meat for most of the winter. Maybe i can get out and do a little ice fishing and put some fish in there as well. Need a little more ice to hold my fat ass these days though. I fell through one time and i do not think that my heart can take that shock any more, lol. Peace brother and always look forward to hearing from you. Hope you and your family are doing well.

Cullingford

12-07-2014, 01:53 PM

Hi ya guys really good to see you again John! good news about those Deer I bet i took some time sorting those out, my wife moans like hell if I do a couple of pheasants just imagine the whinging if I dragged a deer home :p.
As for getting rid of all your excess baggage I can see the positives of not having to lug around all this crap! but hell I am such a hoarder most of it is crap, but I hate getting rid of things, you never know when your going to want something. My wife tends to keep me in check and chucks stuff out when she thinks I won't notice :).

Anyway it's been a good weekend here for me and I have been out and about, which still very important too me. I struggle to come here and not post a photo.

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8566/15782598177_954b6b946e_c.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/q3DWzF)

I thought I would post a selfie as well.

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8612/15967667712_9de2d5e4bc_h.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qk1tiJ)

Take care friends.

Ponder

12-07-2014, 02:18 PM

LOL Cully - Nice selfie ... Great impact shot that one. Post those pics away man. Makes it a good reason to be back for however short it lasts this time. Each to their own in going through each day man. I am glad I dived into the DSLR experience as I did. I learned so much from it that now I can offer up some decent shares by going minimalist. I am very pleased you had a good weekend Cully. You work very hard and your work is rather important (I feel) ... I always think about the stone mason in the series ... hmmmmmmm slipped my mind now ... Pillars of earth"" I think - TOM? ... the stone mason ... was an awesome show that. I always love the old stone building you show from time to time ... although I do shudder when I see more churches than castles. hehe. Kind of eeeeek. Puke. Great skill with the Lighting and color though. :) - :P ... actually - I love how you turn some of your shots into like an early 19th century botanist feel. More so with the wild life and so on. Building are great to.
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Two renders with my phone this morning:

This mornings weather: (had some storms about lately)
https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7484/15783849839_6886e282c3_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/q3LmE4)

How about this one John -> Someone's Rubber Dinghy LOL:
https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7467/15967885211_e4f650d165_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qk2zXH)

As I was taking the photo I was thinking about your comments re materialism John. I could help but think the lady sitting there was flicking through some glossy magazine with next years model on the pages. When does it ever stop? :)

JohnC

12-07-2014, 02:37 PM

Hi Ya Cully, Hilarious selfie, Your wife does that to with your stuff? I am a bit of a hoarder myself but most of it is junk but it's MY junk.

Ponder

12-07-2014, 11:59 PM

The best thing about detaching and not having attachments john, is the freedom from craving. I don't mean to suggest that I am anywhere near that point, but I can say ... it's a key factor in keeping my head afloat as I battle to regain my health which the pills have robed me of. Seems to be working for me atm. :)

Tomorrow I do some socializing with my good mentor friend. Had a good day with continued exercising. It really does feel good to be sweating again. Remember last time I tried this ... I was on the pills ... just could not sustain it. We shall see how I go this time around. Hopefully as good as the downsizing we are currently doing. On that note ... all I am ridding myself of, has taken years to obtain and not something I will be able to acquire again. That kind of makes the whole process all the more refreshing for me. Have stop all my creditors without thus far going bankrupt as well. Things are looking good atm. That's not to say I won't be going bankrupt - I will be ... as soon as I have paid my car off ... !!! :) Then I will be as happy as a pig in mud!!!

Funny how people judge others on the type of insurance they have ... man I am so glad to be rid of such worries. No attachments - No big deal.

Roof over my head, keep dry and decent food with my health in check ... what else could a person want. ? Ownership is another lesson I'm learning ... once you get a handle on that ... they say many things in life are actually free! It's all perspective man ... It's all perspective.

JohnC

12-08-2014, 04:49 AM

I got rid of 70% of my stuff in less that 4 hours ................... My garage burnt down about 4 years ago........... and it was my fault. Most of it irreplaceable to me. Insurance did cover a lot but after that they dropped me, first claim i ever had. They said that because of the money i make and my financial struggles ( all medical bills ) that i fit into a category of people who do it on purpose. I guess i can see where they are coming from but that don,t make it any better, ass holes. My deductible is so high now that a tree could fall through the roof and they would not cover it :(

Ponder

12-08-2014, 01:54 PM

I'm sorry to hear that John. Insurance company pay a lot of money to the middle man, to ensure they don't have to pay those at the bottom. Many are quite a sham.

With regard to my views on materialism and ownership; they are simply my own and I mean not overshadow another persons contentment or even joy for that matter in whatever or however it is that keeps them going from one day to the next. I'm just at yet another crossroads in my life and trying to make the most of it.

Life has a way of curling up like a snake and turning on you, however it's all perspective. Thankfully the changes I have made in the last few months have prepared me for my youngest son's return. Just when the wife and I thought we were going to have a break, we now have both my daughter and son nestling back in. Jesse, came back to us last night. She's a full house again, and little baby Joey blows the top off it quite early in the mornings with his tiny little lungs having a squeal - then goes back to sleep. lol :) Things are as they should be - I see no snake biting me on the ass, but simply my kids needing a break themselves in world full of deviates all out for their own self interests. Finding good people and working on trust is a battle despite our apparently blessed and wealthy nation.
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Anyways ... Today I head into town by myself to meet up with my mentor friend. I hope I can compose myself for whatever holds the day. I should do a little better now that I am feeling a better about myself. It's taken a lot of work and careful planing to hold things together thus far. I was recently asked why I came off the meds. My briefest response to that now:

My medication Story.

Whilst they facilitated an apparent need early on and that experience then rather fruitful; in the scheme of things, it was very much shot lived and became a reliance trap which presented a host of new complications that ended up having me buried as deep as I was, when I first began my medication.

The stigma that surrounds medication for mental instability, is something I feel as more -> "pressure to conform" rather than "encourage" individuals who seek to balance their issues more naturally. Medicating for the purposes to settle extremely chaotic mind set, is a quick fix - however it comes with a price. That price is often swept under the carpet and the ease of treatment so appealing to the modern a now advanced society of having everything now (one commodity reserved at a low price for the lower classes) - that to suggest any form of balance achieved without medication is viewed as non-compliant.

A little more of my view point - I perhaps not the best way to explain. Facts:

I put on about 30KG, that's a little over 66lbs! I put it on pretty quick as well.

My metabolism slowed to a snails pace which in my 40's is a very unhealthy trade off re obesity.

As my weight increased, existing health conditions escalated and new ones developed.

Whilst it was easy to sleep early on - I felt like a had a hang over and was rather non responsive most of the day's.

Fatigue - Itching - Sick Stomach - Irritability - Frustration all the way to extreme Suicidal Tendencies and an over night admission into a mental clinic are all part of the full circle I experienced being medicated with both anti-depressants and anti-psychotics.
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Clearly the effort to medicate is quite counter productive in my case. This little story is not to TELL others what to do, but simply my own experience. Did I see the doctors and explain all of the negative side effects and troubles I was having. LOL - Absolutely - I was flagged more than once by the authorities and my GPs name taken, question on what meds I was taking and etc.

The process of being medicated was more important than the medications themselves. AKA - Complaint or Non-Complaint. Black and White Society in such extremes cases - Grey Area for the rest who play with medications for that quick fix - that easy way out ... Two sides of the coin that often lead to extreme situations on a daily basis. Given the complacent of which I have spoken about many times in this forum regarding health care professionals and users themselves - the resultant stigma and pressures on both peer and compliance - no matter what class you see yourself in - medication is without a doubt, just as disabling and dangerous as a maladjusted mind.

For me - it's a case of seeing them as no more than an assist in extreme situations that plays out as a double edge sword the longer one chooses to rely on them. The longer you rely on them, the more you lose yourself to them and when that point in the cycle completes its loop - there one will often find himself all the worse off as previously described.
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There you have it - That's my story. My GP''s current stand on my now position is two feet firmly planted into ground with pill in hand and word the the effect - "The medicine is waiting when the Mani begins." This my friends is the current attitude of 99% of the doctors I have seen. I no longer have the desire to search out any more doctors on the medicare level. It all comes back to that NOW NOW society with quick fixes that we find ourselves within. In addition to my GPs stance, I was met with a similarly attitude with my new therapist whom I am trying very hard to work on a good rapport with ... "then David, what good did the meds do?"

I have received NO encouragement but for me mentor friend - who is part of some group called - Personal Helpers and Mentors Program. Employment is NOT contracted into a participants goal plan - however improvement is. I'd like to touch on that later as it all very relevant to my ongoing mental health and development. Employment may come - but the focus on such ideals is VERY authoritative and misconceived for both people in my position and those that thrive on such "measures". Voluntary work is so unappreciated unless is involves some crisis. All esle kind of works against the grain of Commercialized living and disrupts the universal law. lol Whatever.
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Time for me to keep working on me. :)

Go for a walk -
Get ready to attend and meet some new people-
Make some space and ready a bed for my Son
Prep another large item for removal-
Continue yard work-
Maybe a mild work out on the elliptical-
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PS - Whatever works for you! -> This is just where I am at.

Peace Out. ;)

Dave.

Ponder

12-08-2014, 03:02 PM

Morning walk with the Sand Flies:

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7479/15793072487_d14d256c03_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/q4zCee)

Ponder

12-08-2014, 03:40 PM

A little old school rock before I head out the door. The most poignant line for me -> "...don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy ..." replace the gender based longing with self and its all inspiring for me. Hooking back into the old tunes is really tuning the wheels in a good way for me - helping to burn the fat and hopefully unclog a few arteries. (I'd rather go down moving than in my computer chair.) If they wan't to call that mania - then I''m embracing that passion that's a burning. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfeNhwnO8hw

Tell me that don't fire a few neurons for some of you?

Time to go to town - have a good one folks. ;)

Dahila

12-08-2014, 08:39 PM

Oh I am kind of crazy about Eagles:)) Take it easy Dave:)

Ponder

12-09-2014, 01:26 AM

Hi Dahila. Nice to know a few people who like some of the same tunes. I really need to set aside some time to find a few more tunes that rekindle for me as they do. I’m kind of glad I have not been listening to them over and over for decades on end. Right now – they are helping me to keep moving. Yet to make a full on play list just yet.
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The social visit seemed to go OK. I am going back on my own next time and will see how it plays out from there. There was talk about “what do you do” and then went on about how employment was their focus” SO – I kind of explained that was irrelevant for me and that my focus was just attending – also went on to let them know I don’t believe in main stream ideals, but I would try very hard to live with myself. Lol - Bit like listening to all that stuff online – just go with what works and filter the rest out without offending others. Should be good practice but in the real world for me. It’s going to be like attending a church group aimed at lost souls. (Religious charity work) – I don’t believe in what they are preaching, but I am prepared to ignore what’s irrelevant to me, whilst reaping the benefit of meeting my peers.
I tried to make no judgments whatsoever of those around me. In that process I could not help but see many being made, although without any real malice. Some yawned and rolled their heads at others, whilst after having opened up myself, I was told they had “guys like me” come and go. My mind played on that and a few other comments like so … but I reined it in and reminded myself that these guys had their own issues. I just pulled back and let the others keep speaking.

At the end of the day – I get a hint of religiosity behind the scenes that plays on various aspects of mindfulness with a theme bases on your average main stream capitalist westernized thinking. Become a contributor in order to heal and so on, but more so measure on “paid employment “as a success story. Paid employment being the goal to bring in more credits to keep the place funded.

I’m not sure they fully appreciate my limitations under paid employment. I think they could be too focused on getting people to the end of the goal as opposed to real barriers. Bit like staff members running about like chickens with their heads cut off to reach the quotes their employers have set to get their bonuses. Incentive schemes that push people to gain what they really don’t need.
Now that I think about – I’m not sure about this place now. Hmmmm – Such a shame really. I could of told them about the real-estate photography I was doing, but the sense of idealism amongst the group leader was too strong. His comment and the resultant nodding amongst the group with regard to employment being crucial to wellbeing, kind of made me sick.

Come to think of it … all you guys are working, so therefore I don’t think you guys understand me well on this level. None the less – My analyse is over. Will I go back now. LOL – YEA – for the most part they seem like good blokes. It’s not their fault I’m such a nutcase. It’s not their fault I choose to think the way I do. I could benefit as mentioned with learning to listen and also copping the judgments of others with a little compassion but without doing so in a self-righteous manner. They are who they are – support peers looking for help just as I am.
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It’s without a doubt I’m back into my writing ways – but not aggressively so. Just got news another respected intellectual God Fearing member of the community lost his “Title” due to another complaint from my wife regarding child sex offenses she came across. It would seem half the people entitled with the honour of being called a “Justice of the Peace” are all corrupt. Which reminds me – some of the guys that based employment as crucial to being healthy minded made a few Paedophile Jokes today. I can really see why I have been avoiding people now that I think about it. I think I’ll have to tell him about the priest that abused me next time he comes out with his little pedo jokes. Narrr – He can’t help it … In fact, I feel more sorry for the fact that they see employment as the measure to a person’s worth. Perhaps my mentor was right … They need me more than I need them. Jezzzzz – That almost sounds self righteous hey? Screw it! A bit of Self without too much ish is not such a bad thing. : )

Ponder

12-09-2014, 01:59 AM

Whilst looking into hypnosis (again) - I came across this interesting video. I'm looking into making changes based on rewiring the brain - perceptions - unlearning all the BS like Employment is what makes a person" You see - that kind of thinking is not only what made me throw in my most recent "JOB", but also why I am selling all "the"stuff" I don't need. My ongoing frustration is not so much pent up on what I don't have, but more so what society refuses to let go of. Once I realized this - I see no reason to medicate myself for the contentment of others. That kind of thinking is a copping mechanism that I am currently using to make myself better - that is my recovery strategy. I'm sick of all the bullshit that people feed each other that was taught to them by whomever and so on. All that fear imprinted and so on - lol - is OK to yawn and roll your heads now. The guy who was getting yawns in today's group was apparently bi-polar. I like the guy! He reminds me of why I should listen more instead of talk so much, but then I was thankful that he was talking as much as he did.

Long story short - this link was derived from my attempts to research the power of the mind with weight loss and lifestyle changes that last in mind. It's pretty powerful stuff and a change from your average mindfulness without kabat zin, or echart tolle. (great guys - but I need to shake things up a bit) ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMNaPmmuHCs

I remember Dalhila - you were saying that you did not think much about affirmations, whilst I figured for me they seem to work pretty good. Not always - but after looking more into hypnosis and watching this vid ... I can see how are understanding of how our minds work changes the outcome of anything we do. Right now having said all that I have about my fears and reservations about today's group, I now picture myself getting out of my car for next weeks event (on my own) to greet the lads and follow along and mingle as best I can. No doubt having shared as I have done in here has helped. The whole concept of Intent seems to be as much dictated by how much one has suffered Vs tolerance. I'm over it all - or at least at that point it's OK not to meet the standards of others and it's OK for them to have standards I don't fit into or standards at all. So what's next????

Well if it would stop raining ... I'll throw myself back into the yard - listen to some more rock while I burn the fat.

Take it easy hey ... lol ... not sure that's on the block just yet ... mind wise yea, but right now I need to keep pushing physically. Just refused an ice block from my daughter ... My wife said I would be up for a Gay Time, despite knocking back the offer. Sigh. They all had one instead.

I do believe I have sufficiency rambled for this period of time - until my next rant. ;)

PS - again - the link in not in full agreement with me, (agreement is such a bad word - not all of it was clear to me - such changes over time) - but I did find a lot of good stuff in it. Hope others do as well.

Dahila

12-09-2014, 07:45 AM

I used the affirmation, when I lost something so dear and I repeated the affirmation all day long to be able to survive............. I do not like it, but it works but yes , there is but. It is better to achieve calm mind , empty mind for a 4 minutes , it will give you power for another 10 hours.
Eagles I have two disks in the car, live concert in Sidney i believe, and listen it all the time:)
What abeout Steve Ray Vaughan, or John Mayall or Jeff Healy , unfortunately lost his fight to cancer in such young age. the music is something I understand. People not so much:)

Ponder

12-09-2014, 01:39 PM

Hi guys - Hi Dahila. I can't help but try to understand that "buts" :) - What you said there makes a lot of sense. You often do you know. That second language of yours comes through clearer than what I hear in this English speaking country. Although not many English speaking people understand Australians.

I remember that name "Steve Ray Vaughan" however in general could never remember without being told. Srry to hear. Seems a lot of famous people are always dying of something or other. I guess it reminds us that life is short and it doesn't matter how much money or things you have that makes it worth living. Cancer is such a dirty word hey?

On that note. Sometimes I can't help but worry about my wife's MS. Lesion on the the top end of her spine that slowly shuts down the nervous system over time. She's gone through her 30s looking like an old women. Unfortunately Lisa has been unable to recover much at all from breaking her leg when we first moved here. Unfortunately we look like an old couple before our time. Lisa with her Grey hair and now very slow hobble and me almost having adopted the same hobble keeping pace with her. LOL. MS really sucks you know. Yea there are varying degrees of it, with some people living fruitful lives. Best of luck to them. In addition to the grey hair falling out, and the limp - Fatigue seems to really set in fast for my poor wife. It seems to come in waves. After going to town and hobbling up and down the grocery store, Lisa will tire very easily around the house the following day. I got to say, it's been gut wrenching for me to see my wife fading away like this. I've been just as worried for my wife's mental position as I have my own. I've tried so hard to include my wife in my spirited attempts to life myself up as I see the depression building in her attempts to get through each day. I'm really not sure what to say about that.

It's been like 24 years since Lisa picked me up in Sydney. I'd like to think it was the other way around, but she had me hooked with her smile as soon as she looked at me. To be fair she was drunk and I later found out the girls were on a bet to take someone home that night. Sigh ... and I thought I had so much going for me. I at least was the one her took her back to my place. Well my sisters lounge room floor as it was for me back then. From that very meeting, we have rarely parted side in the last 24 years. Lisa was 18 and I was 22 - something like that. (no good with numbers - but it's been a long time!)

She was a city girl and I had just blown in from the way out west (More the desert region than bush land) after having finished up doing some cotton chipping. Actually I got in a fight over some girl with two other blokes in a caravan park. I remember apologizing to the girl, quit the job and hitched on out of town as I usually did back then. Sydney offered up two choices ... My old "haunts" deep within the streets of Syndey's Kings Cross and outer regions. Seemed many of us rejects gravitated back to the streets after having landed from where ever. The other option was to see if my Sister would take me in. I never really knew her as such and she hated seeing my Red Neck boots at the front of her door. "David, will you please not leave those boots at my front door." ROFL - My sister defined herself as quite respectable living within a fine Jewish community who seemed to have everything. I was pretty green to such things and looked quite the wandering bushman without a care for anything. I was still sleeping on park benches, side of the highway, under bridges and so. Somehow from there, I hooked up with my bio father who I had not seen since he last beat me. I met him once before when I was 16 and sleeping in homeless shelters in Melbourne. I helped him lay carpet as was his trade. Man I was so naive - but always wanting to please.

So much so ... I'll now think about a carpet job we did back then. The old man and now long lost brother (who ended up becoming a good carpet layer RIP) were with another chap busily prepping to lay the carpet I was heading out to haul in a large roll for them. As I approached the spot on the road where the huge roll was taking up space ... two blokes whom I knew not had just exited their truck with perfectly time smiles ... "G'day Sunshine! ... what's happening" - I'm like "Not much, just taking in this here roll for the old man. The lads have only just put the underlay down?" Then one of them pointed at another roll and said something about a mistake taking place back at the carpet shop. "Ärrr righto then..." I goes to pick up the roll they pointed to, but then one of them say's "Hey muscles would ya mind giving us a lift" Felling pretty good about the ego boost I pretty much threw the roll on the truck myself. LOL to think about all this now. I think some of you already heard this one.

Anyways - when I greet the oldman, bro and other dude who have now just about finished prepping the rooms, I hunch myself through the main door with a roll of carpet on my back. "That's the wrong roll - where is the BIG one?" my bro say's. "Hmm ... arr yes ... There was a problem back of the shop, they needed it back ... so I threw it on the truck for em?" Instantly my old man and bro darted eyes at eachother ... then the one I called DAD back then started yelling and screaming, ranting and raving ... "YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!!" "FOR FUCKS SAKE" They all started throwing their arms up in the air. My brother who knew me a little better than the others was the first to settle down with "Let me get this straight ... You actually threw it on the truck for them?"

I became the laughing stock at the old mans watering hole. A work mans pub somewhere in Bondi not too far from the beach , but far enough. From that point on I was used solely as a pack mule under close scrutiny and brought along to pick up money that was owed. Turns out most of the carpet layers in Bondi including the old man ripped each other off as well as others to make a quid.

Srry to repeat myself with the old story there guys - I was surely glad my wife Lisa eventually crossed paths with me when she did ... Whilst I did not mind the hard work for what it was back then, I never liked the trouble I always got myself into, nor the way people thought about me. I actually met Lisa in another pub that was not off my fathers liking. He was set to catch the bus home, but I unexpected stayed behind with my eye set on Lisa and discontent with the way things were going in the workplace. It was with that I remained behind without much of a clue how to get back to my sisters (I only knew the homeless areas of the city) - Lisa had her bet to finish off with and the sight of her made all my other worries float away. I greeted her like the softest pillow I have ever laid my head on.

The only other thing worth mentioning is I had this other quirky side effect - every time I touched a girl, they seem to conceive instantly. It become so much of a problem I ended up saving Lisa the trouble and went under scalpel for her. Funny how things work out.
_________________________________

OK - Time to hook into the day.

Have a good one folks. ;)

Dahila

12-09-2014, 09:11 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-j3-EXejYao
it is him who lost to cancer in such young age, I loved his music

Ponder

12-09-2014, 11:28 PM

I can see the appeal Dahila. Thanks for the Link ;)

Today's phone snaps:

On the way to town:
https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8603/15987869252_6629692af5_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qmN1w9)

Going through town:
https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7562/15962695976_c219984fdb_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qjyZo9)

On the way home:
https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7520/15986560351_be182760c3.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qmFiqT)

We went into town today. Had a hearing test ... Hearing aid is on order. Going to see if it helps with watching TV. I always get into trouble with it being too loud. Also going to pop it in my ear when waiting to hear my number called out in the food courts. General stuff like that has been a big issue with me for some time. I doubt I will use it for much else. The cost for aids that cancel out background noise is like $3000 -> $4000 -

Had a good day today. Eating small and its also keeping me full.

Dahila

12-10-2014, 08:26 AM

Well welcome to my world. Dave do you have Costco in AU? The same HA cost there 1500 for a top of line phonak, or Acrivia Bernafon I think before you do anything you need to check the forum
http://www.hearingaidforums.com/forumdisplay.php?14-Digital-Hearing-Aids
Do not buy bs ha for thousand cause they will do nothing for you. I have Kirkland 5 now which is Resound verso re-branded for Costco, and it costs 2000 for a pair. I am really happy with them. They are good at lowering background noise. Just remember even the best hearing aids are not natural hearing. They can do only so much. I put them when my children come, when I leave house and when I have people over. Sometimes when I want to listen the thousands of birds and different sounds on summer morning :)

JohnC

12-10-2014, 11:31 AM

Hey Dahlia, Jeff Haley i now remember, Roadhouse the movie.

Cullingford

12-10-2014, 02:14 PM

Evening Guy's Loving the pictures and the music links I am rather partial to a bit of the Eagles as well. I have been meaning to pop in here and post, but I had some sad news about a young man who I knew in what now feels like a previous life. This young man has died from what I can gather, basically from neglect due to cutbacks and under funding of the care system in this country for disabled people. http://justicefornico.org/ I am afraid this has thrown me a bit sideways.

Take care all

Ponder

12-10-2014, 04:11 PM

Hi John ... Hope all is well.

Sorry to hear cully. That really sucks. That's capitalism for ya. Rich get richer and the sick get sicker. Everyone in between wanting more. In your own time man ... be here for ya ... or use this room to rant if you feel like it. :)

Dahila ... I really don't know anything about hearing aids just yet. Just getting a cheap one they say produces a lot of background noise. Courtesy of the elites ... if you want one that actually works for you ... them ones are not covered. ROFL ... The cover looks good on paper ... I'll let you know how it works when I am watching telly or next time I am out in the bush.
_____________

Right now though ... I don't suppose you have any tips for a deviated septum (mine is bad from a broken nose twice over) ... I need to work out how to breath through my nose again. It's been decades I have suffered breathing through the mouth. That's my next point of call with the DOC - BUT, I would rather find a natural way. Again - just on welfare, so the methods for assistance are left until your in you 70's or nearly brain dead before they will cover that one as well ... none they less, they claim we are covered. PFFT ...

Always best to find a natural way at any rate. I read surgery rarely fixes the issues caused by a deviated septum ... but I really don't know. There is also maybe some side effect ... need to read up a little more.

I must start learning how to use a NETI ... for rinsing. I do have a ceramic one sitting around somewhere. Might go find the recipe for home made saline solution. I'm wondering if I should Youtube the spot to drill in order to suck out the buildup in my sinuses. LOL - then find an organic solution to plugging myself back up? :)

JohnC

12-10-2014, 08:16 PM

Hey Cully, so sorry to here about your friend..........it puts a pit in my stomach. I agree with ponder the rich get richer and the poor get sicker. I went for my first consult to see about getting some CBT or something but they said it would be $150.00 US per visit. Shoot, if i had that much extra every month my anxiety probably wouldn't be as bad as it is, lol. Peace

Dahila

12-10-2014, 09:23 PM

I am sorry Cully it is so unfair. John yeah we can not afford anything it seems. Dave do not get the cheap ones because it will be lost money , the cheap ones are analog and they just work as amplifier not the noise reduction. Only digital Hearing aids are able to do some noise reduction. Tv is very difficult to watch and understand even with the best hearing aids. U must do your homework if not you are due to huge disappointment and they will stay in the drawer. I was there and keep the shitty ones to remind me that poor people can not afford cheap stuff

Ponder

12-10-2014, 10:55 PM

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/srry-cant-hear-ya_zps5af9426f.png

lol - That's what I am saying Danuta ... The government gives away crap that does not really work. Well in the case of hearing aids I guess. Seriously, all I can do is let you know what I really think when it arives. No doubt they are just handing me one more for the credits they receive than my actual need for it. I shall see? It's like the optometrist ... you really don't know who to trust.

At the end of the day ... we are lucky to have such services ... BUT (we should also have *&^%ing replicators and no currency at all!) and I mean with a big BUT ... a lot of the stuff is handed over to people that don't even really need them. Add to that all the banning on natural products they do here in Australia that actually help, and you begin to understand how commercialism really works with MONEY in mind first with all else blanketed in hype, deceit and sensationalism.

I'm not spending a cent - but I will play the field in order to make proper judgments myself. You obviously already know a lot more than me on that score with hearing aid and I believe ya. :) The one I get costs me nothing - I'll let you know what I think. It cost me nothing to try ... and I do like to try things myself. I'll take a pic and all :) I should get a set of champers as well. Throw on some glasses and put the hearing aid on and play a few games with the grand - falsies on all. Hehehehe ...

Ponder

12-11-2014, 02:30 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MR5c4h7Tmo0&list=UU6M_EhnSSdTG_SXUp6IAWmQ

Gets really good around the 30 minute mark when he talks about politicians and gives the Donkey falling into the well story.

Very Helpful.

Ponder

12-11-2014, 06:55 PM

Oh I don't think so ...

As I was saying:

Disgruntled Court Clerks denying Young Mothers the right to apply for Domestic Violence Orders.

I am so appalled at the treatment my young daughter received when following advice of police, when applying for a Domestic Violence Order, that I have to write and tell someone about it.

My daughter is somewhat of a soft target having struggled with self-harm during her early school years. It was in her earlier years that she met her now abusive partner online via Facebook. My daughter was then 16 and still rather confused and in recoil from a troubled mind. The guy that picked her up was a bouncer in his 20’s working at one of the local pubs. He would pick her up often and then drop her back a number of hours later. This went on for a number of years with my daughter being used like so. Eventually my daughter decided to go ahead with one of the pregnancies which we felt would be a good thing for our daughter. Indeed it seemed to be a welcoming distraction for our daughter. Positive traits that were submerged with a deep depression gave way hope for herself and her unborn child. This was a pleasing change and as parents we did our best to accept whatever it was that our daughter wanted to do.

In my eyes this was a hard task as I found it hard to accept the man that picked my young girl up on facebook and used her like a rag doll after his bouncing duties. I knew my daughter we a soft target and open to abuse, yet my attempts to step in only seemed to make the problem worse. The man had already two failed relationships with children from both sides and now a third resultant from my daughter.

It was not long before our daughter started ringing up to slowly disclose the emotional abuse taking place. My daughter had no transportation and was left to walk long distances both for check-ups when pregnant and afterwards with her newborn. My daughter had next to no money for transportation as what little she had was taken by her partner to pay for the bills. Mind you, he was working two jobs at the time. She complained that there was not enough food in the fridge, despite her partner having the funds to provide. When food was provided, he would come into the house late at night and throw his take away packaging in the bin and then ingredients onto the kitchen bench telling her too cook. She was further told to eat everything on her plate. Other factors of emotional abuse included telling her that if she did not get a licence in three months that he would take the baby and throw her out. Not allowing her to have a key to the house, not allowed to have a fan to keep her baby cool, withholding her name from being on the lease, constantly calling her an names and threatening to take her baby from her. Constantly telling her what a useless mother she was. Using his other children from the two previous failed relationships to make fun of my daughter, when they came to visit. They would follow my daughter around asking the father “why does she do this or that” with the father replying in a belittling manner towards my daughter and the cycle would feed itself from there. My daughter ended up hiding in a room to escape the demeanour from both the children and her partner. The Partner working two jobs had little time in the house, although most of it was spent tormenting my daughter.

Eventually my wife wrote to the pastor of the church that this man frequented with his church going family. He was about to be baptised. It turns out it’s the same pastor the married my wife and I. Suffice to say … we don’t go to church anymore. The charity mentality played a large roll into my daughters self-harm in her younger days and no doubt was again contributing to her demise at the hands of this fine young Christian man.
I felt compelled to send a photo of the machete and knives sitting above the door hanging of its rail which was sporting a hole that had no doubt been made with a fist. The child that picked on Hayley was reported to literally climb the walls which make for a good case of risk, especially if you consider the atmosphere that lead to the hole in the door and placement of weapons above it.
The story kind of goes on from there ……………………………….
What did we do as parents to step in?

I guess this brings to light the more important issues of how emotional abuse takes it tolls and how as victims we fall prey to living in continued suffering.
___________________________________________

I have reached my limit for this story thus far …

Here is a copy of the email I sent to the courthouse that triggered me to start writing.

had to write the following letter to the courthouse this morning
_________________________________

Firstly I'd like to complain about one for your clerks who took my wife's and daughter's inquiry into taking up proceeding for a Domestic Violence Order.

I believe it was after being shown photo's of a machete and knives sitting above a door with punch marks in it, that the clerk raised her voice very loudly where everyone could here her " shouting"as she claimed änyone could own a weapon.
Unfortunately, I believe the women failed to see the door half hanging of the rails with punch marks in it. This clerk continued to speak at the top of her lungs with people talking who were seated against the wall no talking about the issue this court clerk was now rambling on about.

A few things to note here. The only person talking at the top of their lungs, was the court clerk. Since when was a court clerk allowed to pass judgment on weather someone could apply or not apply for a restraining order ... is that not up for the judge to decide?

Number one:
It was the police who looked into the matter the refereed my daughter to get a DVO

Number Two:
The bullying tactics of your court clerk very much intimidated my daughter who has been suffering emotional abuse for quite some time. This clerk's behavior was extremely unprofessional and has only added to complicated the process in which we have been advised to follow. (to my daughters detriment)

Number Three:
My daughter has been receiving counseling and it just like the police advised, my daughter has now been counseled to apply for a DVO under the grounds of emotional abuse.

We will not settle for being yelled at by your court clerks - nor we will settle for you clerks acting as judge and jury.
__________________________________________________ _______

How do you propose we should apply? Is it in fact your clerks rolls to pass such judgments and stop people from applying the deem unnecessary.

Out first attempt was met with a rather rude and railroading tactic, but yet he we are again ... another recommendation by professionals to seek a DVO -

Should we make an appointment with someone who is willing to listen? Can We?

In short, I have looked into the prerequisites for applying for a DVO - emotional abuse is on that list - as to "element of risk" (I'd say the knifes and machete above a door ripped off its hinge and punch marks is a good indicator.) again point out that the police who have looked into the matter and more privy to information your clerks are not ... that they advised my daughter to seek a DVO ASAP ... your clerks manner of brow beating my daughter and her disposition to being treated like such is the only reason we now have yet more professionals advising her to seek a DVO.

That clerk treating my daughter the way she did, when my daughter was simply coming to ask for help and follow the advice of police, is nothing short of abuse itself. When I see adds on TV persuading victims to stand up for themselves, I think of your court clerks and then think ... what a load of garbage.

Regretfully

bla bla bla

PS - we'll try and get a name for you next time. Now we know what we are up against.

Ponder

12-11-2014, 06:58 PM

Seems people can't handle hot potatoes ...

Good news is we now have an appointment with someone willing to listen. Resolution does not come about by sweeping such posts under the carpet. You have to make the effort to complain if you want to be heard. Sitting around with your head in the sand with a hand full of pills is going to do *&^all!

PS- received a letter by some half baked solicitor ordering the child back immediately. Given there is yet to be a resolution hearing ... one can only question the control mentality of such a ploy. Especially when you factor in the guy never gave a shit about the welfare of mother and child to begin with. Humans really are full of themselves. We are very proud are daughter came to us when she did. These fucking cult freaks don't have a chance - we have been doing courts all our life. The amount of cereal packet solicitors is quite detrimental - but also quite advantageous when you know the other side knows squat about the proceedings.

They have got a snow balls chance in hell in taking this kid from it's mother. http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/22a02190-6c17-49ab-9ad6-b8521375cf11_zps0553cab2.png

Ponder

12-11-2014, 07:30 PM

Hey Danuta - do you know who is moderating these days ... the system seems to be acting up with hiding posts, then showing them?

Wish it would make its mind up ... save me having to re-post all the time ... will most likely end up double posting with the edits ... that's that story anyways.

Time to flog myself for a bit ... ahahahahaha ... English ... such a flawed language at times ... off to do some sweating ... lost a few killos now!!!! and doing well on other fornts...

Later ------------- Adios!

Dahila

12-11-2014, 08:27 PM

I do not know who, but I know that someone is moderating cause every time I report spam it is gone. Yeah hiding posts or not in order it is happening on most forums. I have no idea what is going on. Have you seen your "best friend" maybe :))

Ponder

12-11-2014, 10:48 PM

Lol hahahahaha

Ponder

12-12-2014, 12:43 AM

Got the Hearing aids - I know it's early and your probably thinking (not that I can read people - that I leave to the resident medium here. hahahahahaah forgive the joke Dahila -was more for me ascended friend on iggy :) ... Your revelations mean the world to me ... You have such a beautiful tact when speaking with me TY) ... - it might ware off quick and I'll go from wearing them often to leaving them in my draw - BUT - I am glad I have reserved my final judgment until I tried them for myself. They were fine tuned with a computer program and I'm due back in about 10 days to give them some feedback where they can make some more adjustments if needed.

Definitely improves listing to the TV and Radio without having to deafen my wife's ears and I live hearing the birds like I did when before I #@&* up my ears with loud machinery and home theater listing. I used to have good ears - I have to say that I am actually impressed.

Again early days. I think I must of needed of them. I simply can't say too many bad things about them. Yes I understand the amplification of some sounds in certain situations can be quite annoying. Having my grand son start crying or the dog barking while listening to the telly does come across rather harsh in it's amplified form, but given the benefits I seem to pick up on ... I'm happy I went along with the persuasion and then my decision to get them. So much for my anti government sentiments. Thus far I seem to be rather thankful for the technology regardless of the flaws so many others have stated to me.

No one really noticed them in my ears until I told them about it. I'm impressed with how discrete they are and again, the relief they seem to provide me. I guess relief is a major factor. Just as with straining my eyes in bright light (light sensitivity due to the meds I've been on) taxing my energy, my hearing issues have also been adding to fatigue as I strain to hear what it often being said. The trade off that many seem to dislike with amplified background noise is minor considering the ease, it now is to hear what would otherwise have me struggling. I never considered how all these issues add up to creating fatigue ... not to mention the additional strain on my anxiety condition.

Next I am looking into problems with breathing issues when sleeping - as already mentioned, I struggle to breath through my nose due to a deviated septum.
ither with is a bonus. Touch Wood -
I'll update you how the hearing aid works and how I end up using it Dahila. Now I might be able to hear my name, number or whatever it is they call me when my turn is up for whatever ... The birds are awesome and my tinnitus is not amplified e not sure what will arise in the dept ... will have to wait and see.

Ponder

12-12-2014, 02:39 PM

I can see them all prying now. http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/a90de12b-b0de-4fa9-aa42-a71e519ca669_zpsc49207f8.png Those types have a way of keeping tabs on people with loud boastful prayers that echo down the chain.

Remember how I mentioned the weird grandmother who hung around like a bad smell during the pregnancy and continually laid hands on the baby from the moment it popped out. ("get the fuck out of here"- Awkward moment!")was like the minds of many, including my daughters ... "may I pray with you" was her common request to passerby ... EEEK again with Awkward moment.

We have since found out, this grandmother constantly came over to visit our daughter so much so, that when the door was left unanswered, my daughter had to hide in the corner of a room as the grandmother went around all the window in the house calling out with a bunch of Bible Tracts in her hand. Apparently she was bringing over DVDs, Books, pamphlets, CD's, Tapes ...

She was also keeping ''Tabs" on my daughter. I know these people well. My *&^%ing Mother is the same way with imposing all the bullshit and my sister hooked on keeping tabs. It's the Christian way - bunch of control freaks that feel the need for continual redemption through acts of whatever.
__________________________________________________ _________________________________

Suffice to say ... things are going pretty well with my daughter and the little fella, now that they have been spared the suffering under such a cult. We have since found ties from that family to my sisters niece through the church. In order to cut ties completely ... I have now renounced my sister likewise to that of my mother. It's the only way to be rid of such freaks. Yet another liberating action necessary in letting go.
______________________________

Religion - severs only to create the suffering it seeks to appease. Our evolutionary status is so backwards ... Armageddon -> a story that serves in the same manner to create unnecessary fear as no more than a means to an end! The hypocrisy is lived out in the lives of those with selfish desire for an end to something that does not and nor has, ever existed - but that which was put in their minds.

So strong is the wave - it's decimated millions and still holds us back. None the less ... there is a chance ... that this wonderful wide world of the Web ... much just be enough to dispel and show religion up for the sickness is really is to mankind ... Even the Ideals spawn from such greed as a westernized history channel presentation bent on power and glory can be seen to be slowly giving way to more resistance from under the rungs.

BUT .... I'm most like pissing in the wind with such thoughts. hahahahaahah ... LOL ... fuck em all ... I guess I'll just have to stick with the monks on this train of though and let it ride for what it is. None the less ... it's good to see the clouds of they come and go.

Not into all this other pretense bullshit with sugar coating my words in transcendental gloss for the sake of attracting the crowds. I'll leave that to the resident medium in here. I'm just speaking from experience and have no prescriptions ... srry about that. Life's not the ray of sunshine so many make it out to be ... even the rich and famous have to grind trough life at some stage ...

For me - I've been getting a lot of relief through the Buddhist teachings ... my success on that route is to ignore the ritual/ceremonial and cultural aspects. Gets old real quick like the Yogi crowds that tend to get about permanently floating in clouds regardless of all the grounding of which the speak.

What do I know ... your absolutely right ... I know sweet fuck all and that sits mighty fine with me.

Have a cracker day folks.

I got fish to fry. :)

edit ... I just want to say I have not time to edit ... please pardon the irony. ...... put the mistakes down to lack of O2 and a strong desire to simply get on with me day. ... adios and again ... please do have a good day.

Dahila

12-12-2014, 08:16 PM

Oh Jeez , shoot the grandma;)
Yeah I feel it:((
Hearing aids: do you mind to tell me the maker and the model number, maybe they are better and able to do a lot. When you get hearing aids you need at least 4 to 7 adjustment. You need to see yourself in different situation. Maybe the car is to loud now, or the water is so noisy, flushing the toilet can cause heart attack :)) It almost did me.............They will do small adjustment each visit, and I do advice you to wear them as much as possible, due the brain adjusting. You probably already lost some frequencies, you can not get it back but Hearing aids help a lot, a lot !!!!!!

Ponder

12-13-2014, 02:15 AM

BTE ORION M BG:

Mine is the one pictured in the middle:
http://www.20dbhearing.com/product.php?id=65&type=info

I opted for one control to adjust both volumes at the same time.

It's early days for me yet. I should ware them more often at least for the sake of tuning them when I go back in 9 days from now. I just don't get out that much.

Yes - some noised can be rather unpleasant - annoyingly so. Right now, it's not a good time for me to test with my daughter and bub staying here. I'm sure you can appreciate that.

There is a little squealing going on from time to time and perhaps some minor difference from one ear to the other ... seems to depend on how clean they are as well as battery state and a number of other things I am yet to learn.

Very tired tonight ... all the exercise is catching up ... rest day tomorrow.

Best I think more on it in the morning. Hope you have a good day. :)

Thanks for the tips.

Dahila

12-13-2014, 07:42 AM

They are semens, good brand so maybe you are going to be happy with them, Squeling is a thingy which must be adjusted, The best is to make a note. I think your volume is too high. I use always custom made molds , i found it the most comfy and the best sound. Have you check the forum I send you? You will find the info how to ajust them and there are audiologists that answer your every question.
Do not rely on your audiologist only. When you buy the pair for 7 thousand they treat you good. othewise you are a number . Almost all hA are kind of good, the audio and his/her knowledge is the most important
Should I link u?
http://www.hearingaidforums.com/ Pleaaaaaaaaaaaase check it out

this is what I have now and nothing could make me happier, they base on Resound Alera 9 and are just awesome.
http://www.costco.com/kirkland-signature-hearing-aid.html

Ponder

12-13-2014, 02:46 PM

Hey Dahila ... Nice of you to pop in. :) ...

I've noticed we have a few medical students in here ... Last thing you'd think a place for peers would need. Now they bring the clinic to the HOME for sufferers. I guess that's why the place is going down hill. Kind of scaring when you read what they have to actually say.

Anyways ... let the kiddies play I guess. On that note, the same old haunts are following as usual. I must remember to pray for them.
___________________

THANKS for the links ... Impressive add campaign on yours their. I guess you know just how well they work for you. I like your advice very much. I have never typically relied on the original information source with such consumer products. That's always asking for trouble! Hear Aids is just another "product" as to the people that used them ... regardless of how much they pay.

On that note ... Yep - people are people ... $$$$ is what measures a persons worth. Absolutely!!! Nice call. I think the best way to deal with that is entitle with the words "Cheap" "Budget" "Welfare" "Pension" "Discounted" and so on. Paying top dollar does not always ensure you get the best either ... You'll often find the smartest consumers among those who don't have the money to waste in the first place.

The whole concept seems very interesting to me. I've been huge on Audio for many years ... it's lead to my partial deafness! ... although somtime I do hear voices, but they are not really there. ahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ... just kidding, they just be thoughts at this stage and instead of being deluded like others would like to sugest ... most of us sick bastards are that way because we know they are there.

Anyways - on with my hearing aid REVIEW:
________________________________

This morning my Tinnitus is skyrocketed! However I could attribute this not just to the hearing aids, but also playing some computer games with my headphones on. So I am not giving up just yet.

Yes - Volume seems key in finding the sweet spot. This changes depending on what and where I am. I find I get the best benefits in quite situations and tottaly agree that the more I use them, the more I can pin point where that improvement is for me.

The frequencies in which I struggle to hear are the higher ones. Apparently very common ... so I was told ... from my own observations I find the higher ones I can still hear are likened to being washed out with lower ones. This makes me have to concentrate harder to hear a lot of "dialogue". One of many strains that add to my fatigue issues. Often if people do not face me when talking I really don't get the gist of what they are saying because I don't hear the word properly. So regardless of my reservation on trusting weather I need the aids or not, (I have even more trust issues with optometrists like car mechanics.) I know I had hearing issues so did not mind taking the plunge.

How have the aid been thus far?

Still very early to say. Regardless of defining the quality to other more superior units ... I have been focusing on what I do that effects the quality of the ones I am using.

Keeping the aids clean and unobstructed of wax seems very important as too having clean ears.
How the aids sit in my ears.
What is going on around me.
Adjusting the Volume of device I am listening to.
The way the Aids are stored (exposure to moisture)
Exposure to Temperature, Moisture and other various environmental factors can effect the sound quality
Environmental factors such as physical obstructions that bounce, reflect and echo sound waves also effect quality
Battery State
Volume Control (current setting - making adjustments on the go)
How I am sitting or standing and or facing
__________________________________________________ __

These are just some of my observations over the last in the last two days and I know nothing about hearing aids, other than what I have been observing since then. I'm just a peasant who has to make things for himself. :) - It's how I came to building computers as a typewriter was just not cutting it, when defending myself in court. We mere peasants (my wife and I) not only won the court case, but went on to open a charity computer shops before mobile devices took control of the planet. Hehehehehe ... Never let $$$ and Your employment status define who you are! I've decided to give that social charity place I visited the other day the flick due to it's reliance on using employment status to measure a persons well being ... I'll talk more on that later ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz

SO ... if your still with me ... my observations whilst watching "Dirty Dancing"on the free to air TV last night.

In order to synchronize both ears, I had to keep adjusting the way the aids were sitting in my ears and even check for cleaning. Once I did this, the sound seem to be in time and more level ... like clean stereo. However I was battling with the treble being too distinctive - it seemed to high - like a tiny sound coming from a 70's transistor radio. NOTE* :

I note that I would often change the amplifier settings on my cars radio by cycling through -> Rock - Jazz - Classical to POP! -
I found the pop would emulate a more tinny sound (that many of us listened to back in the day) ... I found this setting easier to hear the Talk back shows on the radio ... and also for hearing the lyrics in a song to which I usually can't hear that good. AKA - higher frequencies no longer working for me. I can still hear people talk - its just harder to make out over other frequencies is all.

Anyways - So whilst I appreciate the higher frequencies now being heard ... it was too tiny! ... what to do ... I turned down my aids volume, but also adjusted the volume on the telly as well. By making careful observations and excluding all the other (loud sounds) I was able to get the treble so that it was like having a set of reasonably good quality headphones on. At this point ... I was actually impressed! ...

Now about those loud sounds. I could here my bones crack with a loud POP!, or the rustling of paper like glass marbles rolling around in my ears. Right now, these are all new sensory perceptions still quite new to me. Another reason I should put them back in now and note the settings ... however the little shnookems just woke up and his tinny lungs have a way of piecing the morning air with crystal clarity that split my head in two if I had them on about now. I think I could go for a walk with them and put them in more often when he is sleeping. Thing is ... like me ... he tends to fight it.
_____________________________________________

I think that's enough notes for now ... In the mean time, I think I will lay off the gaming or at least give my headphones a break to ease the ringing in my ears, before passing judgement on how these aids affect my tinnitus. I have read reports that others found their aid to make tinnitus worse regardless of great claims to appease the condition. I don't know ... I only know what works for me. So far ... regardless of the issue of inflamed tinnitus about now ... I really enjoyed listening to the telly last night as if I had headphones on ... on not having to turn it up ... the quality was actually good once I found the right volume'S and that between both devices ... I am sure I will work other factors into it later on.

I need to go test outside for a bit and see how that goes as well. Again too early for me to know ... but yes ... so far so good. Avoiding those loud sound will no doubt be key to not triggering the ringing in my ears. I know I need to skip the head phone when playing computer games are at least turn those down. The more I consider just how loud things can go POP!!!!! even when treble set perfectly ... is what I need to avoid. A given number of POPS is what can set off the ringing. Hmmmm - I have a whole new subject to think about now ...

Oh yea ... in addition to the loud popping sounds ... LOL ... flushing the toilet made me laugh ... as too taking a wiz ... Add to this ... if you like the sound of your own voice ... you'll love hearing your own amplified ... just don't raise your voice too hard ... you'll blow your head off.

Its all about balance I guess.

Hope you have a good rest guys.

Adios .................... will update on the exercise ... so far it's going well. Touch Wood.

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/devil_zpsb18daa47.png

Ponder

12-13-2014, 03:41 PM

Hearing Aids With walking Outside.

Outside was fairly inactive with cars on the street so all quiet there. Very small rural coastal setting relatively early in the morning.

Mid setting I could hear the gravel crunch on the weight of my sandals. A little screeching of those louder sounds and the unwanted noise of every tiny movement of whatever on the ground was a little more than I wished for whilst holding a conversation with my daughter.

With regards to holding a conversation with hearing aids ... I'm not quite sure I like the sound of my voice so much. Don't get me wrong ... I love to talk and waffle on as do doubt is quite evident in here, however the sensitivity would have my hearing the music in my head ... even the anxiety and the way its effect speech can be heard. Perhaps in time I can use the aids to refine a confidence boost with regard to speaking assertively, yet retains a tone of compassion that I seek for myself. lol ... Whatever Dave ... just practice speaking into a microphone ... clear the throat and address the crowds. Perhaps I can get a device that alters the tone so I can sound more convincing and influence the crowed ... hype them up and pull their strings like some politicization or news presenter. ahahahaha ....

arrrrr sheeple ... what fun they are.

Will give them a clean and take them out later with my trailer ... rattle rattle ...
Again ... I think for now I am only wearing so much for the purpose of taking notes ... main use at this stage is for when I place the importance in wanting to hear others ... appointment's, media I choose to listen too, and so on ... in that regard, going deaf could be a blessing of sorts ... just stick in the aids when it matters.

Hope this finds you well Dahila ...

Hope all is well - John, Cully and so on ...

peace out.

Dahila

12-13-2014, 04:17 PM

So you need more noise reduction, not doubts asked, maybe volume should go down. I have 4 programs adaptive, I use it most. then party; conversation in noise; love that cricket, then music, which does not have noise reduction, and tv; suppose to work good but does not. I need to go to audio to do something with it. It is my third pair already and second digital. semens are pretty good hearing aids. adjustments, adjustments and ajustments. You will get use to the noises. My favorite is when I drive and is raining ;))) Love the sound.........U doing great Dave.

Cullingford

12-14-2014, 01:51 PM

Evening Guy's It's been a lovely weekend here with sunshine from dawn to dusk. I have been out and about enjoying myself and getting my head around the news of that young fella that I used to look after. Every now and then I get to hear some sad news about them and it sends a lot of memory's back. Apart from that I am still good and really looking forward to those two weeks off I am just hoping that we get lots more of this dry and bright weather.

I snapped this whilst waiting for the sun to come up this morning

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7506/15831469960_37f9cc978d_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/q7YqsC)

Thank you Dave for your kind words on Flickr very kind of you, best of luck with those hearing aids.

Best wishes Dahila and John.

Ponder

12-14-2014, 03:58 PM

Hi guys - I'm please you get a lot out of your hearing aids Dahila. The noise cancellation ones are not covered therefore I am happy to use the ones that are within the limits I am able to take them. I will get the most out the ones I have and am content to accept what hearing I have. Another way to avoid the stress is simply to switch off instead of trying to pay attention to what usually matters not at any rate.

Hope all is well Dahila.

Hi Cully, Your welcome. My camera equipment is not far off going on the selling block. I appreciate your photos very much, especially when you take the time to come and share them. Owning the gear in only one element - having seen you develop and refine your skills over the last 6 or so months has been a real treat. Whilst the quality of the render is only second to the eye, you have excelled at both in leaps and bounds. I have genuinely been impressed at every step of the way since you purchased you DSLR. Your knowledge on the subject was quite evident when we first met. I shall enjoy your photos as long as your able to share them. I suspect you will be on my friends list for a very very long time. :) PS -> I hope you have the best two weeks of your life!

Hi John ... How's the fort mate? How's the Deer Meat Going? Could you please explain to me what its like compared to cattle? Srry for all the questions John. Makes a change from me waffling on is all and I am very interested. My Son is growing Bamboo at the moment as part of a Bow Making project he is working towards. I am glad you like the bit of comedy I posted in the depression forum. :)
__________________________________________________ _____________________

Excuse me while I just take some notes on getting things done and how I am traveling.

Dave's Pathway to Recovery:

Exercise going good. On track and pushing hard. Was disappointed with the bias shown towards exercise on a 60 minutes program covering what I thought and still consider to be a good diet call The 5:2 Diet. It's based on fasting twice during the week with the rest of the days consisting of 'basicly"eating healthy. Nothing complicated and it's really not a Diet at all. Only Issue I had was with the comment that the only exercise needed was a 3 minute burst of intense exercise once a week. They went on to say that steady aerobic workouts where virtually a waste of time.

No wonder my wife hates it every time I attempt to talk diet and exercise with presentations like that. None the less, I sourced a torrent and coverted the file to my Kindle and now have something interesting to read a bit later.

My eating habits are slowing becoming just that. But a new healthy habit. I tried all this not so long ago, however the meds and side-effects made such an attempt counterproductive; with Metabolic Syndrome being a major contributing draw back. It's bad enough when you get older without having to slow it down anymore with chemical supps that alter the brain and nervous system. Add to that the fact I knew I was pissing in the wind with such a comeback attempt whilst still on the meds and it's no wonder I broke down bunt out almost as quick as I started that last attempt.

This time - my plan to come off the meds ... and work on that solely for the first month to six weeks was a very good move. I've been on the exercise for about 2 weeks into it now ... but time with IMPRESSIVE RESULTS!!!!!!

Me weight is already dropping, whilst my body composition changing shape with each passing day. I seem to becoming more tuned into my body and eating less is filling me up and cravings for sugar and salt are virtually none existed. I don't use salt or sugar additives whatsoever - eat small meals and enjoy every mouth full. The times when eating seem longer and more fulfilling, whilst the days of exercising are starting to pass by quicker.

To be fair though - it takes quite an effort to readjust the program to fit into a lot of things going on around me at the moment with helping my daughter coming out of an abusive relationship. Still lots of running around to therapists, stockpiling furniture, second hand treasure hunts and retailing this and that. Court proceedings with lots a threat letters and also supporting my wife as she formulates letters for solicitation and various applications ... bla bla bla ... None the less I love my baby grandson to bits and despite baby's being messy and noise at times ... I love him to bits and his presence is way more healing than anything else. I get emotional thinking about how many people do not look after their kids, especially at such a young and vulnerable age.

Srry lost track ............................

Yea - so the plan with coming off the meds, exercising and eating well are all on track.

I have restored the backyard with the removal of garden beds however still have a bit to do with keeping the grass seed moist and the existing grass cut. I will get around to cutting the grass in sections today and a few of the following ones.

I also need to reestablish a flow of STUFF coming out of the house. My original plan of getting rid of all the shit we dont need was kind of slowed with the drama surrounding my youngest daughter there ... but I think I'm ready to start back up with selling what's left of worth and then progressing onto the Give Aways - which will be many things ... then onto the trailer trips to the dump.

Truly I am done with moving into large houses with land lords that want tenants to renovate when they leave. Oh how I am so fucking over that game. Whilst I have the grandson to worry about ... I am done with the whole education system now that the older kids are grown up now ... I am done with politics because I no longer vote in a country where it's "compulsory" - I no longer give a shit about EMPLOYMENT STATUS - I no longer give a fuck about society! ........................ The whole thing about getting rid of all our stuff and living off nothing is very much about disabling the system from our point of view. I am VERY much over that fucking shit ..... eventually if my plan works out ... I will no longer have to be so aggressive in my approach when expressing so.

The thing to understand with me - currently - is that I am like a man tied to a chair with tie wire ... But one who is thrashing back and forth ... who does so with genuine intent ... an intent with knowing ... the friction I create now will eventually brake the wire that currently binds me and I will see myself free.

I am not meant for this mainstream cesspool that is destroying so much in its wake - I may remain sick in the eyes of others ... but I will find freedom and peace without the baggage these others would impose and claim to invest their ideals/idols in.

I will find work - but that which I make for myself and to that of others whom choose to use me as is. Otherwise it is them who will be pissing in the wind. Seen all those people dying of malnutrition ... typically suffocate to death due to thyroid issues and so on ... Being homeless where I live is like living on easy street compared to that. Why the fuck people would want more in a world as is ... disgust. 3 year old kids with bowed leg that virtually crawl to get from A to B , whilst others talk about home and contents insurance and refer to employment status as a measure of success -> Three words to such capitalists, liberalized and scholastic intellects - GO FUCK YOURSELVES!

OK - takes a bow and preps to purge the toxins from skin to shirt. Much work I must make for myself today.

Love, Light, Rainbows and Unicorns - May you all struggle well today. ;)

kblaze

12-14-2014, 05:29 PM

Hi I'm ken I'm new

Ponder

12-14-2014, 06:25 PM

Hi Ken, I am Dave.

This is me with my daughter filming on the way back from my mothers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T5b1UcY2uI

Nice to meet you.

What brings you here?

JohnC

12-14-2014, 08:16 PM

Hi All, Ponder deer meat ( venison ) is very good and is a whole lot leaner than beef. The deer around my area feed heavily on corn which helps the deer and the taste NOT the farmers though. I did manage to put a second one in the freezer and i am very grateful for that. It is a huge savings for our family. It's odd though that after 30 years of hunting i still get some what remorseful after taking a deer so i do my best not waste any meat.

Cully, nice pic as always. I will get back on flikr soon as we progress into winter and my time indoors increases.

Hi Dahlia :)

Ponder

12-15-2014, 02:14 AM

Thanks John - muchly appreciated. It's always interesting to hear the other side of the story. If I was over your way and the invite was on the cards, I'd be happy to share in that bounty of yours. :)

Meanwhile down in Sydney:

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/240ECB2100000578-2874088-image-m-12_1418617904864_zps72512671.jpg

All I can say, is that those guys above have been knocking down a lot of doors before the shit hit the fan today. Not everyone targeted is a so called terrorist. We have had a lot of anti-association laws since the new government took power with much of Australia turning into a police state.

You reap what you sow. We all knew this was on the cards and the way it's been sensationalized over here ... is American to the core. Everything the terrorists wanted to do has been given to them by the media. They will use this shit to take more rights away from everyday people in the name of Terror ... This is what happens when you do America's bidding for them. The current government is quite greedy on this kind of drama and control. People die everyday - I see no reason why society should not be shaken up and for one would rather see things crumble sooner than later.

If they spent less on pushing people around and more on helping those starving across the water ... then there would be less attacks. If they want to stop terror ... then stop it. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz

I'm not buying the media sob stories. People die in worse situations everyday and main streamers are happy to turn a blind eye whilst living in their blissful states. Ya reap what you sow. I can tell you no one in this house is praying. Religion is what creates terror to begin with. The Elites will continue to incite Fear.

Ponder

12-15-2014, 01:18 PM

They couldn't of heighten the situation any more they did. The went on and on and on about how they were prepared to wait for days with the safety of the hostages paramount, meanwhile cameras showed the dog squad getting ready by the side of the building and the night vision goggles being prepped. They might not of heard the gun shots to begin with if they had not advertised like so. Now we have to listen to the propaganda, just like 9/11.

That Christmas dinner I've been talking about - is going to have a few Muslims haters hosting it. They start bagging out Muslims I'm going to politely give them a warning to change the topic ... if they carry on ... they too will reap what they sow. I turned to my wife and daughter and said "Three dead by mornings end" Put that one in your crystal ball resident medium.

I hope the young fella was not hurt too bad ... made me think of my Son ... however not for a moment was I going to go all mushy like the main stream crowd. It's been overdue for this country to feel the pinch. Typically its the bliss seekers with their head in the clouds that act like ''Oh my oh my, why does this shit happen" ... yet many of them are quick to preach hate themselves when their own ideals are conflicted.

I have to admit ... when they talked about the foiled plot to behead a citizen on one of Sydney's Parks ... I kind of wished it would happen and right now, I am kind of hoping the more we do Americas bidding, that we are attacked more and more like so.

More lone wolfs to explode yet ... and not all of them will be terror related - yet living in fear is set to grow.

For those into the mystical paradigm shift - they too have preached that things need and will become much worse before any shift can take place. Whilst my delving into the Metaphysical side of things has me still coming up empty ... I do understand the need for people to believe in something as opposed with nothing, Even when it comes does to unicorns and fairies for some ... at least they seem not to have prayers based on vengeance and wrath, against those who do not believe as they do.

Mental instability sky rockets beneath the fragile welfare system currently in place. Civility when boasted in the face of others with brute force or from afar with intellectual superiority ... will always breed contempt. No doubt the will continue to flex their muscles and the blissful sheep will go on with righteous ways.
__________________________________________________ _________________________

This is why I now train myself to eat less and less ... to be content living as little as humanly possible ... to become independent in a world that seeks to control everyone and everything. Above all it is why I seek to dissociate completely from mainstream ideals. None the less, I am only human and keeping stable in an unstable world with such a traumatic start to my own reality ... I will most likely never contribute within the realm of main stream expectations. Whilst connected and or confronted ... I will no doubt always resist and or reacted as imprinted!
____________________________________

Now - that was better out than in ... most sheeple let it build up and or just ignore it or even worse ... feed into the propaganda that feeds and heightens such pain.

Now to turn that shit off and move on to something more positive within my own immediate space... whilst it remains mine presently.

Ponder

12-15-2014, 02:49 PM

To Do List:

Keep eating small amounts of wholesome foods - keep the tummy slightly under full and keep hydrated without drinking large amounts.

Finish yard off Today (Podcast for today's electronic buzz)

Clean rooms ready for house inspection. (leave rubber snake next to the stairs!)

Read up more on the 5:2 Diet -

Rest when you can - No concentrated exercise with focus on food restraint.

Stretch and consider a short nap for exercise recovery and recharging.

Ignore all forms of media - Read instead of watching TV.

No computer Games

No phone in bed - wind down with book instead.
__________________________________________________ ___________________

Have a Blessed Day ... May the fairies and unicorns dance in your favor ... may sunshine and pristine bubbles of joy fill your day with care free bliss. May people clap and cheer you on as your presence overwhelms all with admiration of just how wonderful you truly be. Blessings. http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/a90de12b-b0de-4fa9-aa42-a71e519ca669_zpsc49207f8.png

Ponder

12-15-2014, 03:12 PM

ahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahaha!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33IBl57Xn4c

Ponder

12-16-2014, 05:08 PM

The purging continues. Awesome workout this morning. Have now been weight training over the last few days and have no urge to eat much at all other than what my bodies needs. Now that I am no longer on those destructive medicines, I feel much more hopeful about this comeback and feeling more positive about the ongoing maintenance there after.

It's good to actually have the capacity to feel what's going on with my body again, as opposed to popping those damn pills.

Meditation is now something I need to include seriously into my proactive approach.

Still a lot going on ...

Ponder

12-16-2014, 10:32 PM

One moment Please:
-------------------------
-

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/happiness-turd-demotivational-posters-1332604425_zps33134bc8.jpeg

Cullingford

12-17-2014, 02:40 PM

Evening all I hope all is well with you, I like the turd picture Dave! I bet he felt better after dropping that lot. I am glad coming off the meds is going so well for you. It's awful what they do to you in the long term, I am hoping to completely stop taking mine soon it must be so nice not pumping that shit into yourself.

So you are having your house inspected! it doesn't feel like very long ago since you moved in there and poor L fell down the stairs so badly. Do you have anywhere sorted to move to yet or is just getting ready for the future move?. We are so lucky, we have a nice big place ( plenty of room for my 3 kids ) only a couple of minutes walk from the river and marshes and the rent is affordable. Not like some of the greedy landlords who's rents are just ridiculous! some private landlords would charge twice what we pay. We moved up here a couple of years back from a smaller place right near beach, I much prefer it here my neighbors are ok and not in your face.

I love being able to pop down here you very rarely see anyone.

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5557/14683516469_3e7d444a29_h.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/onwRT4)

The rail on the right hand side is a great spot for getting shots of Kingfishers I have spent many hours holed up there.

Best wishes to you all and thank's for all dancing fairies, unicorns and bubbles of joy.

Ponder

12-17-2014, 04:03 PM

Mate ... that is absolutely Spectacular! Perfect wash of colors and the timing on the water could not be any more spot on. You know I was never big on Sigs, but I would recommend you start using yours more often. You never cease to amaze Cully! - It's a privilege to of finally met someone who syncs so well with nature and is able to talk about it as well as take astounding shots. I can tell when your able - you get the most out of your away missions. :) Have you shared a link with any of your work mates, or are they somewhat less interested in Nature? Don't waste too much time on the technical side of things Cully ... just keep sharing your passion as you do. I found the more I got wound up with clubbing it, the more energy I lost to go out seeking. Thanks for the shot ... This one I Favorited. :)
____________________________________________

Yea - coming up on one year living here. First house in the region is usually a stepping stone before really gauging what bests suits thereafter. Been at is so long now and it's wearing US down. For sure we are moving again ... although the sea side is nice, its like living on top of a swamp with the inlet coming around to our backyard. The little midges/miniature sand flies have a very annoying bit that leaves a rash. Now getting attacked on my face when watering the grass to restore the back yard. People could not believe I grew I herb garden there. No one warned us though.

Going to move into town. Big Change for me as I don't do so well in towns - BUT - that's going to change :)

You don't have to fear not having issues coming off the meds. Sometimes I think people get so attached to their labels that they think they will lose them if they come of their meds. God forbid that hey. LOL ... Unfortunately it does not help when the professionals base the make or break of ones validity solely on whether one is on meds or not ... meaning that if your not being medicated then either nothing is wrong or everything is wrong. How much more fucked up can you get with such outlooks. If you have money ... then you can be as sick or as well as you want ... typically such types could never understand our position, yet fallibility would have them prescribing for us at any rate in places like these. Even the middle class jump on that bandwagon ...

Anyways - dude ... I have kind of been struggling with the purging process. A lot of injustice going on at the moment with how the courts are handling that child abuse side of things. Just between you and I, I feel like killing this prick that was toying with my daughter and grandson. I'm seriously going to have to meditate more on all that shit. Going through court is always a tough battle. We may end up dropping the rice bubble and corn flakes lawyers that legal aid prescribe to welfare cases. They are so fucking Lazy and useless at defending cases that need a little elbow grease. Often we let them set up and then we drop them when the real works need to be done. Right now - The injustice of it all is well up the exercise rage ... just as well I am exercising though.

I hate fuckers that don't know when to stop smacking their kids - smack their kids because they cry and annoy them - that smack them in the Name of God and all all that bullshit. Physical discipline is not something I advocate ... but I note I was abused myself ... I can see where it works, but rarely have seen it work. Grrrr

Anyways mate ... I go for a walk with the little fella now ... :)

Peace out Bro.

Ponder

12-18-2014, 02:23 AM

Totally devastated with current child protection laws and the family law courts. Seems only those with the $$$$ are able to actually get any protection.

Best we can hope for, is that the little fella comes back without a broken bones when the unsupervised access begins.

It makes me sick to think how this farther belts one of his other kids every time he shits himself. "Please don't tell Daddy ... please!"

After he gets belted, he is also in his shit for hours on end. That's only the beginning of this guys mentality.

Hence to say ... Child services are not interested because the mother left and now a court case is in order -> The courts minimise the "hearsay" because Child services were not called. Complaints were never made because of the emotional abuse ... No one gives a fuck! ... Again - it all comes down to $$$$$$$.

Yet another christian family that gets away with abuse.

WHAT A FUCKING SICK WORLD ... I FEEL LIKE KILLING MORE THAN JUST A FEW PEOPLE ABOUT NOW.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ________________________

It really is such a sad case. Of course I can't let my frustration ride like so ... it will kill me for sure.

I guess I can be thankful that my daughter is out of his clutches and the suffering and risk now posed to the baby child is somewhat less than would otherwise be. Although no mother to watch over the poor kid. Guess we will see the signs of abuse like with his other two that continue to bed wet and defecate. Unfortunately child serves are so inundated with such abuse that they only investigate server beatings now. Unless you have the $$$$$$ ...
_____________________________

I think that's the last I am going to say on this matter ... it's a long road yet.
_____________

My sisters husband is pretty much the same. Love using the Bible to dictate his abuse ... for all their self professing, his little kids runs around telling him to fuck off ... I'm pretty sure if there was no mother involved there ... he two would belt the living shit out of his kids like this bouncer bloke does. They should thank their lucky stars we can't buy guns as easy as they do in the sates. Crimes of passion would lead to a lot of killings on me list.
______

I wish I could talk this stuff through with the therapist ... but I don't think she and I are getting along. Yet another thing related to $$$$$$$$

Man ... I don't think I am strong enough to get through this bs world with another young one to fret about. Watching my kids go through the education system and just about destroyed me as it was ... not this shit. :( :( :(

I have my friend and mentor coming tomorrow ... I think I need to find some kind of support group ... one not bent of employment of being but fucked by society or religion seems a hard task to find.

That's the story thus far ... doing my best to hang in there. :(

sorry for all the pessimistic and hate of late - I really don't like being this way ... and I'm not going to start popping pills for an answer either - I just can't go back down that route. Again ... I will work something out. Reminds me when I went through my sons custody battle ... I lost a heap of weight pushing myself to the very edge fighting that one through.

Life should not have to be this hard ... I could care less about the $$$$$$ ... but this is when stigma bites the hardest.

Sigh.

Cullingford

12-18-2014, 02:21 PM

Evening Dave i can't believe that little Grandson of yours has got to have contact with that nasty coward, why the hell do people feel the need to hit children. I grew up in a completely non violent environment thankfully and we wouldn't even consider it as a punishment for my kids. I would really hate to be put in your position! the worry about your grandson's and these other kids safety must be awful, what the hell was your daughter thinking about getting involved with this prick, I know hindsight bla bla I hope you can manage to keep the pair of them safe from him.

Thank you again for your kind words on the photography, I agree with the technical bit so much time and effort can be spent on this, instead of just getting out about and grabbing the moment. I look at the odd forum where the cost of the gear they are comparing is astronomical! it's certainly not the sort of thing I wish to be involved with. I love the peace just sitting quietly and seeing what comes past, mostly I use my old lenses which have cost me next to nothing I don't think I would feel as comfortable using something costing the same price as a good second hand car.

Take care Dave hoping stuff will work out for the littlelun, glad you two are spending so much quality time together! I think you two are are going to be real close. Hope to speak soon.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7495/15429645004_3e2d4594d9_o.jpg

Another favorite spot of mine a few miles up stream, with 135mm super tackumar.

Ponder

12-18-2014, 02:57 PM

You are a source of inspiration cully. - a true friend. :)

Presently I have now set aside my fears for today we take the little one to be beach. It's not fair to fill up the void with such tension when both mother and child are still recoiling from such an abusive relationship. She has a therapist and I will encourage her and give a little advice on how to use them. I may appear to dump as I do in here ... but better in here than in the home I guess.

Srry but something has come up and I have to quit this post as is.

Thanks again Cully - I really appreciate you still popping in whilst I am so upset, antisocial and so on.

I am still pushing through the exercise ... and eating well ...

I WILL GET AROUND TO ANOTHER VIDEO soon enough and you won't believe how much weight I have lost until you see me.

Wishing you and your family the very best.

Your post there has lifted my spirits for the day.

... srry I don't have more time ... really pleased to hear your thoughts on the camera gear. TY :)

Ponder

12-18-2014, 10:43 PM

Whilst the nation is said to be morning over a Terrorist Attack - EIGHT CHILDREN STABBED TO DEATH IN CAIRNS AUSTRALIA!!!

http://www.news.com.au/national/queensland/children-stabbed-to-death-in-the-cairns-suburb-of-manoora/story-fnj4alav-1227161862831

Meanwhile - The courts, lawyers and child services play down our concerns about a religious control freak who keeps a machete and knife above his door ... doors with holes punched through them and a mentality to make children suffer as previously mentioned.

You won't hear about how child services neglected to move in the cairns case ... I'm betting a low income family ... as already thus far mentioned "Known to police".

You can be sure we'll be bringing this case up with regards to my daughters abuser, his obsessions with knifes and the hearsay on how he has thrown them into the walls when angered.
__________________________________________________ ____________________________________-

So much love and light in the world hey. Pffffft.

Fact is ... Services can't keep up with the "BYPRODUCT"... No one want to talk about the byproduct of capitalist pursuits ... do they? Except to say - lock em up and throw away the key.
I watch the wife of a police officer (Killed On Duty) on telly the other night as she said in bitterness, "They are unfit to be a part of society! Lock em for life!"
So much emphasis was placed on the status Vs the crime that you can be sure that more extreme cases will indeed follow. The police have been fully blown militarized over the last 5 years now that it feels like a curfew has been put in place when out doing the groceries.

Meanwhile - status and the addiction of climbing the ladder has spite running high towards those who are seen to be no more than unfit leaches - the lower classes trolling each other like no tomorrow, with discontent running high with those who grind a wheel with no end in sight. In this country, those who do work grind the mill till their fingers bleed, then cry about having to work so hard. They take up TWO jobs and then brow beat those who don't follow suit.

Lower class, flighty good for nothing saps - BYPRODUCT living with a catalyst who's own status can do no wrong. I battle everyday to keep myself from being flushed down the drain with the present stigmas shown towards non contributes ...

Those of us crying out loudly about the injustice of it all ... are viewed as no more than floaties in a clogged toilet - left in our own shitty nappies. The mentality of these would be elites is no different to that of the abusers who play with knives!!!

My message to any of these would be well placed decision makers is "We know it's an imperfect fucking world! - but what they fuck are you doing about it - NOTING! ... Get the fuck off your asses and go investigate - spend less time passing judgment on the complaints and go implement the policies and legislation your supposed to be!

USELESS FUCKING IDIOTS!!!! - Meanwhile ... The media whitewashes the real neglect in cases like these and focuses on the SHOCK - targeting what we already know ... bla bla bla.
__________________________________________________ ________________

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr ......................
__________________

Righto - time for a double workout.

Had a good session with my mentor. Plan is to keep working on my health - the weight is coming off really fast now and I'm feeling pretty clear headed despite all this crazy shit going on in this country atm.

The exercise is really helping me heaps. I've had many comebacks ... I pretty much know I have broken down the wall and set for a good run for the next few weeks. We spoke about Treadmill Rage and how I am handling that. I mentioned having this space here ... is really beneficial to me. Just like how I worked through all that childrens home abuse and so on (as good as I could - much good came from that) - so too ... for now I freestyle the madness of the world as I see it.

Righto - Now to make up an awesome playlist and burn the fat!!!

________________________

If you guys wanted to know why I came back here ... I hope you can see why now. After making these posts, I am able to compose myself and move on with my recovery plans ... For a more uplifting and encouraging ... less shocking experience ... you may either want to email me, and or leave it to Skype of Facebook.

I don't intend to pull any punches or withhold the steam that plagues my head.

Not here to prove anything - but blow steam off so I don't end up going mad myself.

All the better for it -

Peace out -

David.

PS - Affirmation and or seeded in today s session ... possibility to humble myself into Voluntary Work in the months ahead. I know I have talked about it long ago - bit like the comebacks ... I aim to try again ... until I can find somewhere that sees such as a good end point -> rather than a means to an end. Unfortunately the latter both diminishes the motivation and self worth of those who try contributing under a non profit bases. Hence is the Greed that dictates deception that feeds the byproduct. I must learn not to feed it myself by being so bitter myself when embarking on these schemes. Yep - I got a lot of work to humble myself ... I know this.

OK - now to burn another fire and clean whatever else is hiding within.

No time to edit ... is as thought - this in not a mindfulness thread. Can only come after the purge is permitted ... after I permit and or give in. rar rar rar!

Ponder

12-19-2014, 03:49 AM

____________________________
__

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/Enduring_zpsb86435e2.jpg

Huge Achievement with Exercise Today. Hopefully I'll recover tonight without issues. Tomorrow I'll ease up on pushing the body so hard and eat only as needed just below full without fasting too much. Got in about 120 minutes of intense exercise split over two work outs. Back to doing weights every other day with a full body routine. Morning exercise bouts are done as soon as I wake up to kick start the metabolism. Cardio is done 3 days on, one off - with a 2 day rest near burn out levels -> Yet to reach, although today was pretty close.

I'm starting to incorporate some fairy hard sessions of HIIT - sustained up to 1:30min with about 4 to 5 min cool downs ... about 3 to 5 hard intervals through a 40 minute burn with cruising speed / RPM fairly fast and even.

Sweat wise I am dripping like a tap with about 3 showers a day and a full load of washing every two days. My system continues to sweat for about an hour after each bout. Hunger is not an issues as my body seems to just be cutting into the fat. Plenty of water with half lemons squeezed - about a lemon a day.

Eating is faily clean with whole oats as my staple and a boiled egg every couple of days - all dependent on how hungry I feel at whatever time of day - all meals a pretty small and seemingly fulfilling. Energy wise - I have to push in the mornings, however I feel not too bad thereafter and am sleeping pretty good other than waking up to go to toilet - fall back to sleep easily - early to bed, early to rise.

Other meals include a small serve of rice mixed with salmon, and lots of salad mixed with essential fats and complex carbs/veggies - protein via fish and chicken as well as red meat ...

No sugars - No salts - very little bread - (3 slices a week if that/toasted) Lots of raw seed and nuts - lots of filtered water.

Other stuff - but basically very simple approach based on small amounts of whole foods minus all the poison and sweets.
__________________________________________________ ___

Bit like when I gave up smoking - simply resigned myself to the fact is was killing me - same thing with the food now.

DO OR DIE! ------------------------------- There is a big chance I could down with a heart attack and or stroke .............. BUT at least I won't be hurting stepping on anyone else's toes, and if I pull through ........... I'll be all the better for it.

Benefits thus far gained:

I can bend over to put my shoes on much easier now.
The rash between my legs is starting to be less problematic.
My clothes are starting to fit me again.
Range of movement has increased.
I can almost feel my blood moving through my body.
I seem to cool down much quicker.
My skin is feeling and appears much cleaner.
I can almost taste the air and feel the oxygen going to my brain.
My sinuses are less problematic (although still needs work)
Posture is starting to improve
Self worth is starting to improve
I can almost switch off without the need for media devices to wind me down.

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ________________

The list goes on but Its time for me to get off this thing and let my body recover - looking forward to letting my body do some repair work tomorrow.

TO DO LIST:

Set Desktop back up and transfer files before doing a component overhaul and then move onto the arduous task of selling off the parts to gamers via Fleabay. Lots of refurbishing and product photos. (after that sale, I should be read to sell of all of my camera gear and off load my telescope equipment)

That's a pretty tall order as is -

I do need to help out with my trailer again with some of my other kids - I think getting the computer started and done before we go away for the Christmas dinner is achievable.

Long term Goal - clean out the dreaded shed! HUGE JOB! Good News Tiller SOLD! :)

Righto ------------ Sleep Time. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz

Ponder

12-19-2014, 01:36 PM

Getting acquainted with my Compact Cully - I'll keep that one :)

Subject less than 5 meters from the front door.

On with the Morning:

______

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7461/15439089913_f5f2bfb6b1.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/pwinxp) https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8622/15439090483_e42e1e1c98.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/pwinHe)

Cullingford

12-19-2014, 10:39 PM

Mate I am so jealous! sulphur crested Cockatoo's :cool:. It's so good to see them out of horrible little cages and just doing there own thing, are they eating nuts? I read somewhere once that the pressure those beaks can create is huge to bust nuts open. Thank's for sharing this Dave it's a brilliant thing to see first thing in the morning it's really started my day off with a ray of sunshine.

Got to get coffee to kick me into life catch you later and thank's again.:)

Ponder

12-20-2014, 04:27 AM

Cheers Cully,

Here is one I caught of the back steps on way to do some watering in the later afternoon:

___________________
https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8619/15875142628_26a04b83c9_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qbQfPE)

Very tired today ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hope your day went well. ;)

JohnC

12-20-2014, 06:55 AM

Hi Cully , Ponder and Dahl. for some reason i am not getting email notifications and i have not checked in much do to the holiday anxiety and madness lately. It's rush here and go there. I had two christmas plays and one chorus/choir program on Sunday last week for the kids. Thats 13 miles one way times three round trips, well you can do the math. And we all know how much i love crowds :) but i was proud of the kids. Anyhow, boy i could really add to my bird watch list if i took a trip down there to ponders neck of the world and probably cully as well. I have some pics to upload to flickr of some deer on my property but just been down which is normal for me around the holidays. I will get them on there.
Cully i lost my best Golden poulet to a coyote last week or so. They are pinned up now. I think next spring i will build a permanent pen for them and attach it to the coop, no more free range. 14 years and i have only lost to one hawk and some wild dogs. The wild dogs killed 12 in one sitting and did not eat any. I am sure the coyote ate well.

I truly hope all is well and wish you all the best. Peace to us

Dahila

12-20-2014, 08:41 AM

Hi guys. John you better build it. It is a waste to let them take possession of yours things or living things rather. Dave I am reading your post and I am terrified about what I read in media; I am talking about poor children.
Guys your pics are beautiful, thank you for posting them. I am very busy lately, today my daughter is moving to a new house, it is cute and very clean. They are going to be happy there. :)

Cullingford

12-20-2014, 02:39 PM

Hi ya guys good to see you John and Dahila I am still tripping out thinking about having bloody Cockatoos in the garden! yeah John wouldn't it be the best to get over there and do a bit of bird watching. I have had a busy day cleaning out my chickens and doing some other odd jobs, sorry to hear about your pullet I keep mine within an electric fence 50 m long without it foxes would have them in an instant. After it has snowed you can see there footprints going around the fence I have never lost a bird to a predator but it is a big expense initially. I hope you start to feel better soon and manage to relax and enjoy Christmas.

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5458/6919396466_ac2349a62a_c.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/bxrHv5)

Sadly Dave no Cockatoos here for me! not that much bird life about here I think they have all buggered off south for the winter and who can blame them, or maybe it's me in the wrong place at the wrong time. So I had to resort to my neighbors Doves.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7538/15877491550_28a26d0ccc_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qc3i5j)

Your shot from the back steps is inspirational, I thought I would do one when I shut those hens in tonight

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7575/16065402055_3fe13bce7d_h.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qtDojB)

Best wishes to you all and your family's don't overdo it with that moving Dahl.

Ponder

12-20-2014, 04:03 PM

Hi Guys,

Hi john - Others than Xmas lunch and whatever our older kids wish to make of all the goings on ... the wife and I generally treat it as a time of year to avoid going out much at all. No doubt having young kids ... I guess most people feel compelled to get out do as others do. If your having lots of fun, then mores the power to you. Sorry I can't more joyful on such a topic.

With regards to your property and lifestyle ... I'm always positively stimulated hearing you give a run down on how things are progressing on those fronts. Pretty much the same with Cullys setup as well. I lost quite a few hens from one place to the next with wild dogs. Some people dig in glass around their coops, but that technique did not sit well for me.

Nice photos Cully - has been a good distraction for me. Nice looking dove. Wish I could fly off into the yonder you have pictured there. :)

Hi Dahila ...

Don't place much on what the media says - Just headlines with a few facts as best you can trust them to be -

I can see both sides of the coin ... you only get the easiest side of the story that asks WHY OH WHY without any insights to follow.

I'm sorry, but until people actually go beyond mourning and hitting out of the perpetrators and look deeper into why ... I will not waste my energy sympathizing to the blinkered masses.

Got in a huge argument yesterday with my older daughter who brought her spouse into it with his solider hat on. - Ïf your not for us, your against us! - (unfortunately whilst he claims religion to be a destructive force, there seems to be a failure in recognizing the same dogmatic attitude to the boxes people place themselves in)
__________________________________________________ ________

I dread this years Show boating Lunch more than all the others. I'm just going to get up and walk away once the ideals start to fly. Will be a good ploy not to eat all that shit on the table at any rate.

__________________________

Yesterday's falling out ... was a good primer and lesson on what to avoided with upcoming conversations no doubt to be skirted.

On a more encouraging note ... if I have not already said. I wish you all the best with your daughters move as well.

Right now - I'm not doing so well to be honest. I HATE this time of year ... and my struggle with acceptance and reigning in my bitterness is quite consuming for me at the moment .. having said that though ... My current efforts in purging are doing better to deal with these issues than any pill could ever hope to do.

Forgive me if I tend to keep focus on blowing steam here -
__________

We are going out again today ... not too happy about that.

I did manage to go through the motions with exercise and feel like I have achieved through that. - Have backed off the intensity though.

I don't like being rushed around this time of year.

or any time of year for that matter.

Have a good one guys.

Ponder

12-20-2014, 08:08 PM

Feeling better. Kissed and made up as well as received a gift.
Everyone seems to be in good spirits. I'm keen to live and let live.

Just passing time as my wife negotiates the traffic on the way out of town. ;)

Ponder

12-21-2014, 12:53 AM

Snap shot I took today whilst in one of the many shopping centres. There seemed to be a LOT of stressed out people doing the rounds for such a festive occasion. Seems all the joy is reserved for online communications these days. Density in store was extremely thick for such a small town. (as pictured middle background) - The entrance there had a steady stream as pictured for the hour or so I was able to endure. The NOISE was quite something else. I'm sure you can imagine. Food court was the loudest with a lot of screaming kids. Merry Xmas! :)

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7513/15881889520_5e12001276_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qcqQro)

Cullingford

12-21-2014, 02:13 PM

Evening guy's Dave that shopping place looks like hell on earth! I am surprised you managed hour! I wouldn't even consider it in the first place. As for Christmas I have pretty much ignored the whole bullshit so far, usually by the time it's actually here I have completely had enough of it. I am hoping to enjoy the day but one day is plenty for me.
John I finally think I have found a good spot for Barn Owls I managed too see one hunting in the distance this morning. 1501 I need to get myself into a better hiding place the quest continues.

Only 2 days left for me to work then 2 weeks off so it's all good with me Anxiety Depression I can't believe how my quality of life has improved this year.

Peace to you all

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7488/16048358256_915ebbd86b_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qs92N1)

A Christmas Robin

Ponder

12-21-2014, 06:46 PM

Glad to hear your feeling on track Cully. I'm guessing the new camera played a good part in that. They can be good tools for us to see through - :)

They have a way that cuts through the BS - I think it's why people don't like being photographed ... or not when in their selfie/selfish mode at least.

___________________________________

GOOD NEWS - I'm still pushing through the exercises and eating healthy. - Body composition is still changing for the better.

On the mind side of things - I's struggling, but not letting it stop me from making the transformation that needs to happen. I'm not talking about froth and bubbles either - just a new body to help me cope a little better with what's not going to change around me.

Perhaps not everyone's cup of tea, but this following one is still a good one I'm working out too.

Heaven (must be there) I could care less about heaven - (FUCK THE RELIGIOUS INTERPRETATION) - but i really love the tune when it gets to Ï DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THIS PLACE" the place those pricks call our testing ground.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdQH9ULWD5k

Found some Australia & New Zealand Bands which are really helping to keep me on track. Although my wife and daughter had a cracker laugh at me when they found the pop bands I've been jumping up and down too ..... Hehehehe.
_____________________________________

Not much to report. Loving the pics your able to share! - stunning pic Cully ;) Nice lines on the flight wing! Adds to the texture - nice contrast and all that ... works really well. Gentle and Agile - good way to be!

Hope this finds some of you well rested.

LUNCH TIME ... :) -

Ponder

12-22-2014, 01:50 PM

On the way home Yesterday. Good cloud spread overhead to keep my mind in a good place. As pictured below:

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8588/15896501137_448ae27bde_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qdHHXP)

Taking it easy today. Have to keep my head together for the dangerous road trip tomorrow. It's been too hectic with all the trips away from the house of late. The exercise is catching up as well. Perhaps a little too much sun on top of that. - Need to ware my hat more often! (logging that one in how) Not sure what's on the agenda today ... Think I will keep my head in the clouds for now.

Take Care:
Dave.

JohnC

12-23-2014, 06:17 AM

Hi All, Cully it looks loke you are on the right track with that barn owl. That great horned owl i was telling you about must have passed because i have not seen it lately. There is a young one though that now hangs around my place so i will keep my eye on him

Cullingford

12-23-2014, 02:44 PM

Evening all I enjoyed the music Dave glad you are finding stuff to help keep you on track. It took me right back to a time when we had a band come here and make a video, it was big excitement for us kids stuck out here in what seemed like the edge of the world sometimes. Have a look at the video you might recognize some of the places from my pictures http://www.mtv.co.uk/lotus-eaters/videos/the-first-picture-of-you. I am glad your diet and exercise regime is still going well, I can imagine it must be very uncomfortable in that heat and humidity to be carrying excess baggage, it's bloody bad enough here in the summer. I like that shot and what you did with it! very dreamlike! and good how you are drawn to travel that unblemished tarmac, what is about your roads :D.

Hi John good to see you and hope you are starting to feel a little better, shame about that great Horned Owl but I am very glad there is some others about there. I have just started my two weeks off so if I don't manage to get a half decent shot of one then, I need a good kick up the arse. So keep your eye on flikr over the next fortnight.

Take care guys

Ponder

12-23-2014, 09:27 PM

Hi John - hope all is as well as can be ... perhaps even better than that. :)

Now that you mention it cully, yep the scenery sure dose look familiar. - I have even heard of that Band before. I let the link play out and also enjoyed the following video.

This morning a few cockatoos of a different family arrived in the same tree:

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7541/15905028830_d668d6c468_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qetqX1)

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7507/15905041170_0360c98681_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qetuBL)

Not much else to report, other than I got my days mixed up again. I'll be on the road tomorrow. :)

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Cullingford

12-23-2014, 11:04 PM

Lovely shots of those ones Dave! Little Corella's I went straight to an ID Australian bird site. All I want for Christmas is one of those trees in my back yard you lucky bugger, what a brilliant place you live in, looking through that site I was amazed at the sheer amount of birds you have over there.
Take care on the road :)

Ponder

12-24-2014, 01:10 AM

Right you are. They are nearly as big as the cockatoos - There are heaps of other variants as you have discovered. Way up north west in the desert you get huge flocks of various species ... The little budgies being a very interesting lot when studied outside the cage. Some of the ringers/cowboys I was working with would pick up rocks and pelt them into the flocks and have a laugh for every one of them they killed. These be the ones I mentioned some time back that use to chase down kangaroos on their trail bikes with steel chipping hoes and also beat wild "little"pigs to death with them.

They thought there was something wrong with me, seeing as I did not participate in the slaughterings.

Will take care and try to have some fun - and above all relax if able.

You have a good one as well. ;)

Dahila

12-24-2014, 11:57 AM

Guys you killing me, with the pics, I am going to go to Australia !!!!!

Cullingford

12-24-2014, 02:43 PM

Sorry you had to witness that ill treatment to those wonderful birds and animals Dave, I really don't understand this sort of mentality the world is full of sick people sadly. I love to see birds and stuff in their own environment but not in cages and zoo's etc you go to these places and you see poor penguins in concrete puddles! how do they justify that sort of shit.

It's the first day of my holiday I had a nice walk this morning after the sun came out, it was a lovely feeling to know I was just wandering about and getting paid for it :).
I managed to get a shot of a Goldcrest this is Europe's smallest bird and was a bugger to get a shot of and would not bloody sit still!,. I have not seen one of these for at least 10 years so am I pleased to get a shot of one.

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8577/16070293746_78ac0a5182_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qu5ss7)

[url=https://flic.kr/p/qeVqPG]https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8664/15910101318_21884e9246_h.jpg

I hope you are all having a good Christmas! my kids are going nuts so I imagine the morning is going to be crazy.

Good to see you Dahila :D

Dahila

12-24-2014, 03:20 PM

It seems that only we sick people are kind of normal, compassionate ones. I am going to Australia to kill some son of a bitches myself; I am talking about people

Cullingford

12-24-2014, 03:30 PM

Go for it Dahila and show them no mercy :mad:

1502

Dahila

12-24-2014, 08:26 PM

I like that Cullie, I really do. I hate people who inflict pain on others or animals. Who are we to judge if they are less that we are? I feel so saddened when it happens. Good I do have so many years behind me so I have no so much before me.............

Ponder

12-25-2014, 01:48 AM

Hi guys. Forgive the mistakes in this one, as I am just using my phone. I do how ever have a bluetooth keyboard minus the mouse. Spell checking is such a chore.

Anyways - going from memory real quick with the above. Cully - am really pleased you time off has started so well. \the color in both those pics is outstanding. On an ips screen such as my phone - brilliant!!! ...

No matter about those crazy guys - it's a redneck mentality ... Ocoker - bloky thing that guys think makes them tough in the bush - killing things for no reason at all but to laugh. What both you and Dahila say about those of us who know so much better is very true. A very touching meme - TY ... I was already damaged good before ariving and suffered much at the hands of the station master.

Don't worry about coming over to kill anyone - we have a lot of people killing people here over the last few weeks. :(

Nice to see you Dahila - :)

I have to go - will try post what wanted to say later - they are calling out to me.

Here is a pic on they way here - Please be careful if your traveling on the roads this time of year:

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7467/15911024338_dbb884005c_c.jpg (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/15911024338/)
We there yet? (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/15911024338/) by L_Plate_Dave (https://www.flickr.com/people/71988794@N08/), on Flickr

...and this one is after my walk - uploaded from my phone:

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8637/16100916435_501735d29d_c.jpg (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/16100916435/)
A walk after Xmas lunch (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/16100916435/) by L_Plate_Dave (https://www.flickr.com/people/71988794@N08/), on Flickr

Ponder

12-25-2014, 03:45 AM

M t W "t" F s "s"

Fast on "Thursday" and "Sunday."

Mon/Wed & Friday are Dumbell Tottal body work out days with a 40 minute low stress eliptcle workout afterwards.* 5:00 am starts with an abdominal workout and stretch to finish with.* Tottal time aprox 1.5hours.

Tuesday and Saturday are eliptcal only days.* Intensity can be pushed hard with HIIT in mind (only if feeling up to it)

Ofcourse I have to play all this by ear. Main factors to consider is recovery days - hunger vs need to feed for repair - keep mindful of fasting induced fatigue Vs exercise induced fatigue ... adjust exercise intensity - keep protine up with complex carbs on the 5 feast days.*

Note Fast days are rest/recovery days.*

Ponder

12-25-2014, 04:10 AM

This key board is playing up - will just have to see how it goes.

I seemed to off done really well with keeping the food to a minimum over Xmas.* I am very pleased with this. I am having rose hip tea atm - feels like its doing somthing good for me. :)

hmmmmmmm - My left ankle is playing up as ussual with these mega comeback sessions I put myself through every so many years. It really has to stop.* The new plan I now embark on, included the 5:2 diet.* the fasting days are not completley without food - just 1/4 the ussual with protine making up the majority of callories on those days.

I will be careful which is fine as I need to watch my ankle.* So far whilst lossing some weght - I'm also massing out as is my body's type Atypical response ... once I muscle up as ussual, I yearn to strip it in favour of running as my staple excercise with simple body resistance exercises over weight training.*

My long term goal is to master the 5:2 Diet - so that any running I do, can be ruduced to a light shuffle with walking/\hiking prefered on those days Ihave time.*

The intense exercise I do now - is part and parcel of stripping the damage I have allowed to take place.* This is my last chance - as at my age ... there is a tiping point in which obesity could have me caught permantly on the sedantary side of things.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz* Huge day - I am now at a point that I look forward to me workouts and also my fasting days that are about to begin. :)

Again, please exscuse the typos and phone input - Safe \journeys ahead guys. ;)

Cullingford

12-25-2014, 03:22 PM

Evening all and i hope a good time was had by all, that's all that hype over for another year and everyone has gone home thankfully :D. I managed to get out for a short while my wife knows better than to make me stay cooped up all day, I soon start to get cabin fever.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7542/16103894641_778d92c452_o.jpg

Maybe the harsh weather of the Russian tundra will follow them. Also a Redwing from Scandinavia hmmm I think I had better get some warm socks.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7568/15915621577_0a1cfe2912_z.jpg

I will catch up tomorrow take care all. zzzzzzzzzzzz

Ponder

12-25-2014, 03:45 PM

Outstanding Cully. I can So appreciate the high lvl of presentation you have provided here. Your collection is high grade! :)

Ponder

12-26-2014, 12:01 AM

Man, I seem to be coming along just fine with this whole exercise and eating thing. I can't believe the amount of shit people shove down their gullets! I am saving heaps buy only buying two sushi rolls and bringing my own water. What's even better is that 2 of those rolls fills me up for a main meal! I used to down like 4 of them and them eat more like only moments later. My new outlook with the eating is very much like when I gave up smoking.

I came to despise what smokes represented and how they were killing me - suffocating me and making me stink as so on. Taking this new approach of hating something with a passion really helped me to open my eyes up to the dangers of such poisons. Coming from a christian background - "HATE" is something easy to muster up!

If your going to HATE something - then may as well direct it where it really needs to go. The word HATE is rather toxic, so what better way to fight fire - using fire!

Let's start with SUGAR! Also known now as "White Poison" I've read a few article that have helped me to HATE this substance with a passion. This one pretend to be your friend whilst brainwashing you. Bit like those Christian Folk. Oh by the way ... if your Christian and are just pretending to be my friend ... best give up now. ;)

Yes sir re - That sugar will make you orgasm every time. You will find all kinds of excuses - "Oh I only have it in moderation" - I bet most peoples moderation is like after every night time meal or when they reach some goal. "Oh I have done so well with my health goals; it's now time to poison myself!" Seriously - that's akin to "Oh I need to relax, I think I will take a hit of nicotine" - "Oh but the alcohol is a depressant which helps me calm down" I no longer smoke and rarely drink alcohol because of how my body rejects it. I poisoned myself way way too much with that shit in my younger years ... thankfully I started listening to my body earlier than most people I know - some who are now dead because of their own lack of will and poor excuses. "Oh but Oh"

It's taken some time - but now I am putting the "White Poison" on that list. The White Death! - FUCK SUGAR and the system that sells it. What a fucking useless society that sells poison to it's citizens - that's about as effective as selling Jesus to the masses and watching them all bend and take it up the ass! It's as effective as selling alcohol to children! The fact they consider their education system advanced enough to have it's older population termed "well equipped to make informed decisions" ahahahahahahahah - you have to be fucking joking. That kind of excuse coming from a society that has sugar drive through feeding frenzies - Have you seen the rated calorie intake on just one of their meals. What a fucked up species to be sure!!!!

Yep - It's finally clicked ... I'm kind of just sitting back making the best decision I can from the available poisons on offer - whilst I am doing the least amount of damage I can do (and this goes for the shit sold in health stores and on the grocery shelves) - I look on at others basically killing themselves with the choices they make ... "If only they knew - arrrr to be young and dumb - Yep, there goes another gall bladder - Give it a 10 to 15 years and they won't be smiling like that" I'm loving my new outlook. It my seem rather insensitive and I'm being a real prick about things ... but that's exactly how I gave up smoking.

People are fucking sheep and one day a year where people claim all this BS about world peace and so on ... Nope ... not buying it. I have live too long and seen too many close friends and family have died (actually just my brother - rest of the family died when he did) ... then you have all that shit on the TV and of course those out in the street killing each other at any rate. So fuck People full stop. From my perspective I will only ever have one or two friends and possibly a small circle outside of that. That's just fucking fine with me. That is my peace!!!!! I don't need another persons version of that shit.

So - I now take joy in watching others all killing themselves with all that shit they shove down their gullets.

The real beauty of it ... it watching people who think they have so much - sitting there, filling themselves up with more and more. They just can't seem to find the full spot. "Yea mate ... keep shoveling that shit down buddy ... DIE! DIE!" Ever relish hearing those comments in a doomsday doco where they say, no one goes untouched, no matter how much money or how high your status is - Everyone Dies? - Oh yea ... that brings great joy to those of us who have been fucked over by these would be bliss seeking blood sucking parasites who hide behind good deeds and or simply don't give two fucks.

Well - It's fucking great to see so many people shoveling so much poison into their systems that you know they won't be around for too long at any rate.

Hang on a minute - Is that why we are fed this shit????? Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr They are trying to kill us ... hmmmmmmmmmm ... I'm sure you have heard that one before. The smart ones live - The dumbed down and undesirables die! --- Well - just another feather in that HATE HATE HATE philosophy that worked with the smokes. SUGAR is the main weapon for population control. Bingo! WOW - so nice of them to look after us like that. Yep - once you work out the philosophy with the greedy sheep mentality ... It's not so hard to despise Sugar for what it really is. Alcohol is pretty much the same and quite devastating for the poorer and less equipped ... but that's OK you see ... the apologetics and sympathizers have ways to make excuses for that shit as well whilst still feeding them poison as well.
__________________________________________________ ___

Now here's the thing - to HATE and tone that down once the hooks are no longer hooks? --- easy peasy ... Do not take on the same definitions used by others with regards to words such a peace, contributor, worthy, deprivation and all that other reverse psychology BS they use one you - they project - they imprint and bla bla bla ... who are they ... they is the reality in which I live ... the one that is not me ... It's OK - to be ANTI-SOCIAL (yet another word used to hook) and NOT fucking fill your gullet with shit they love to orgasm over and so on.

Society has become like a constant orgy lusting so much, that those who make excuses really have no idea what the body is doing until it's too late. Mindless fucking sheep addicted to Sugar and all things Sweet!

_______________

FUCK SUGAR and everything its in!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This concludes my own brainwashing session - If the term Ownership is to having any real worth from the BS emphasis we are taught to place on it ... then owning my own method to see as I do - is then my strongest virtue.

Fuck those who would attempt to rob me of that. You want to kill yourself - I can respect that ... I'm not going to stop you.

Sugar anyone?

Hmmm Now my next poison to nip in the but. Advanced Species - Pfft -What a stupid fucking society we live in. Damn this place!

Ponder

12-26-2014, 01:51 AM

LOL - for such a negative fellow - boy, the benefits coming in are Oh So PEACEFUL!

If you want to conquer a Nation - you don't just pussy foot about it do you - you go all out. Monkey See, Monkey Do!

last 4 days I have managed to clock over 40,000 steps and quite vigorous as well ... not counting the elliptical sessions!

Tomorrow I will begin the 5:2 Diet -

I think people ought to deprive themselves! So don't be thinking in blissful terms with those bullshit excuses Davo, leave that to the Takers! - The exterminators. The devastators. The sheep.

Nothing worse than an X whatever Hey. Those thin bastards! Those Non smokers! Boo Hoo Boo Hoo...

I too ... will soon smile like a shark. ;)

Ponder

12-26-2014, 02:45 AM

Status means Squat! - Just ask this guy:

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/RW_zpsdad2b525.jpg
Hanged himself with belt, had cuts on wrist.

Ponder

12-26-2014, 02:04 PM

Will update as I go.

MAX calories permitted:

500. (I think they say 600 for men - but whatever! - I've gone without food plenty of times so 500 sounds good to me)

Although I have never counted calories before. - In fact the family are all calling me anorexia and other sorts of things. Not to worry ... Lets start to show em how it's done!

Breakfast:
1 Hard Boiled Egg = (80g)
Cup of Tea = Fuck All!

Updated:

Lunch -> 123g of Banana (89 calories to 100g = approx 146 calories)

Lemon and Ginger Tea = Fuck All!

Total 226 calories and counting. ahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I'm actually enjoying this - Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Now - lets see how far I can go sipping on water till next nibble. ;)

Dinner:

50g Coles long grain rice (white?) = 76 cal
100g frozen Beans = 28 cal
50g frozen green peas = 44.5cal
70g Egg = 139 cal
50 grams of avocado = 80cal

Total = 328 cal

ALL up for the Day = 554 cals

Cullingford

12-26-2014, 02:37 PM

Evening Dave thank you for your kind words on the pictures. It's very good you are taking such healthy steps for your future, I look forward to seeing your next video and the results of all your hard work.

I got a walk in this morning it was really cold, frosty and foggy my bloody hands nearly froze off! but it was still nice to be out. I am rather pleased with this one

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7548/15922964888_0e5a003d92_b.jpg

There is a crazy flock of sheep at this place with mad horns. I can't go past them without taking a few shots the trouble is when you stand still they keep coming towards you until they are right in your face. :)

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7541/16085162146_961f3dc845_b.jpg

Take it easy Dave! slow and steady goes along way.

Ponder

12-26-2014, 03:57 PM

--------------

Both images are what they term as Tack Sharp I believe - Crystal clear!

http://www.photographymad.com/pages/view/17-tips-for-taking-tack-sharp-photos

http://digital-photography-school.com/advanced-tips-for-tack-sharp-images/

You probably already know them all by the looks of it :)

_________________

Hey dude - just wanted to comment about Isolation and your meaning elsewhere about we are not designed like so. If you don't mind. Figured here would be more appropriate of course. I think I get what you mean - however - as I no longer believe in a "Designer" a creator and so on ... [my speculation now goes way beyond your average religious faith based telling)

But if design in the context of Darwinism which I think is a pretty good break down for me these days ... then I would say no design is written in stone (smiles to think of such a terms) Adaption takes place and loneliness can in fact be quite a peaceful virtue of solitude itself.

I mean not to be rude and I hope you don't mind me ... commenting on something you wrote elsewhere ... I just figured I would explain how Isolation in fact works well for some of us. One can be Isolated as a community and or family and be all the better for it ... especially when that cuts them off from a rather toxic society. The thing I don't like is when other communities/groups impose their values on isolated - communities/groups and or individuals ...

I would say that in today's world Isolation - just like deprivation is a much needed and in some cases highly sort after avenue to overcome this crowded and imo toxic world.

It's more a case of Isolation with an addiction for internet connectivity. LOL - Working on it. Balance I guess is key. No doubt a level of connectivity on whatever form is a healthy, however very much overrated and something that is obscured through commercialized social networks designed to populated at an explosive rate. Best way to cure addiction is through isolation imo. - Is also a good way not to catch a disease in such a fucked up world.

I can tell your in a good place man and that's awesome - !!! Keep reaching out like you are man ... It really helps!!! Indeed. For me - I am simply purging through the process of my own isolation I choose to take on ... as I know it works and later peace will come when I am able to shift all this toxic build up that makes life so unbearable to get through.

You seems to understand me at any rate. I just wanted to give a break down on how I actually like the Isolation I go out in search for. Again ... I know your own context was something entirely different in a separate post ... none the less ... something I needed to share with you.

People adapt differently I guess - The emphasis health professionals and would be competitors that promote self betterment as they do ... stigmatize many of us with labels such a social phobia - antisocial and so on ... They create our current main stream reality/stage that sets up an environment for winners and losers.

If only I had a dollar for every time I was subject to the christian variations of 'We were created to worship/socialize/mingle/praise ... and so on" Very appropriate of course for sheep to think this way - I like to think in terms of how animals socialize, but without all the fucking hang up we have. Much can be learned from that and one can see how the individuals within their own group appear to savoir the virtues that come from Isolation - weather it be as a result of stealing food, protecting a kill, or just wanting to get the fuck out of the way and be left alone. Some go on to become new leaders and conquer other groups - Isolation is sometimes needed and part of adapting ... for some of us ... it's the most peaceful way of getting by.

I'll give myself a break soon enough man ... right now my daughter and grandson are taking up a lot of space ... But that's OK ... I've been making sure to give myself my own space where needed.

Time to sip some water and clean the kitchen ... ;)

Had to say all that shit for myself man ... forgive me if I speak out of turn.

I'd like to reach out like you did...just don't have it in me for that right now ... glad you pop in like you do. Much appreciated Cully.
__________________________________________________ _____________________

ON ANOTHER NOTE!

CULLY - Have you looked into a more snazzy portfolio for your awesome Nature Shots?

I was looking into it and saw some really great places that make it easy.

Flickr is great ... but more a place to dump your collection ... rather than show it off.

Your work is defiantly high class now ... quite deserving of an online prtfolio.

Perhaps too much time ... or something worth considering later. If interested ... I don't mind scouring a little for you and proving a few links.
I believe there is a chance that you might be impressed enough to make a little subscription ... however definitely worth trying out some free ones.

Perhaps too much effort????

I know there has to be at least some Nautre buffs out there that would love some of your arrangements. A collective that more appreciates than your average flikr group at any rate.

I just can't get over the skill that continues to grow with your photography is all. Either way - keep sharing with me please. :)

Ponder

12-27-2014, 02:52 AM

.

-Time Out-
For Both of Us. :)

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8668/15930383418_ac6254ffa7_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qgHnZ5)

Cullingford

12-27-2014, 03:05 AM

Hi Dave thank you for the links and your kind words! sharpness in these shots is something I am constantly trying to improve on, this time of year here the sun is very low in the sky and when it shines it is a wonderful light to play with. Sadly these days are rare here. in the winter we get lots of dark foggy and cloudy weather and getting anywhere near a reasonably fast enough shutter speed to catch a bird that refuses to sit still is a real challenge, yes you can crank the ISO right up then you have the problems with noise. I am going into town for the missus today! I will take my compact to show you just how dark and grim it is.

On the isolation thing I don't mind discussing it at all. [U]I would like to say to anyone else reading this that I am not starting a discussion on the existence God [/U
I have seen enough of that here and I want no involvement.

My comment on not being designed for isolation has nothing to do with God or any higher being! more the fact that we are apes and apes live in social groups!. I think with me it's all about having that balance of time with my family and time alone, too much of either for me is not good. Like anything unless you have really suffered from loneliness can you really understand how painful and cold this can be, take the elderly person, spouse had died maybe a decade ago, kids have moved to the city for work and are rushing around with there own kids. That person's days stretch before them endlessly and the only human contact they may have is whilst out getting some shopping you can soon feel worthless and de-humanized.
This can happen to a young person just as easily especially if this person suffers social anxiety, they may spend time with work colleagues but not really connect with them. All there spare time is spent alone which is just as bad as the elderly! although I think people forget that younger people can suffer badly with loneliness.

I personally love having time on my own with my camera or the chickens, but I also love being with my wife and kids. Perhaps there are people who can live in complete isolation and love it! but having lived like that for a few years I found it very miserable and bloody hated it. When I hear that someone is feeling lonely it just brings back that empty feeling, IMHO we are not designed to live like this if you are sick someone should be there to help you, if you die someone should know before the stench of your rotting corpse fills the neighborhood.

Please Dave always feel free to speak your own mind with me you opinions are interesting and valued. I think with that little house of yours so full and Baby's are lovely but I think we maybe too old to cope with Babies full time. :)

I would be very interested in that portfolio you are much more in touch with what is available on the internet than me.

Take care Dave speak soon.

Ponder

12-27-2014, 03:26 AM

Thanks for sharing with me Cully. Greatly appreciated. You make me think of some of my poems with those comments there. So true. Loneliness is indeed different to simply being alone. I'm glad I came across your comment today. Made me think long and hard.

I'll ask my wife about the portfolio site, she found me for the Real estate Photography ;)

in the mean time ... I reached my daily goal of fasting today!

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/FirstCalorieCountMeal_zpsd4e571bb.jpg

Really enjoyed dinner - hehe LOL ... it actually went down ok and I am feeling ok. Total intake for the entire day has been just under 600 cal :)

Cullingford

12-27-2014, 06:12 AM

A couple of shots from in town, it's so grim here today not many have ventured out perhaps they are scared of getting burnt in the midday sun :D. Stay in Australia if you know whats good for you Dave.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7504/16093096736_82d570e25e_b.jpg

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8674/16093094726_32e3eaab15_b.jpg

JohnC

12-27-2014, 07:45 AM

Good stuff guy's!
My depression from the holidays and my miserable failure to stop smoking is with me which is most of the reason for my absence or lack of comments. Anyhow isolation for me is a good thing to a point. I agree with Cully and i have been down the lonely road and found that i do need human interaction from time to time. When i was thousands of miles from my family it got tough. That was before wife and kids came along and i couldn't do it now or at least not for that length of time.
Ponder absolutely love the pic with you and little one taking a swim. P.S. i once went 4 days no food just water and passed out when i stood up.
Cully your pics are awesome and i hopefully will soon get back to my old self ( sure hope so anyhow ) and get some photos uploaded.
Hi Dahl, you peach :)

JohnC

12-27-2014, 07:47 AM

I am still not getting email notifications when post are submitted, what's up with that?

Ponder

12-27-2014, 08:33 AM

Hi John - Just off the top of my head:

Try the following: -> up the top of your web page ... look for "settings" (next to the "logout" link) right click and open in new tab:

1. Go To General Settings:

2. Then under the subtitle: Messaging & Notification – look for:
Default Thread Subscription Mode: Next to this will be a “drop down box” with a downward point on the end.

3. Click that to drop down the box/text window and select the option -> Instantly, using email.

I'm not sure if that will fix your problem - but it's worth a try. l have to wait till another post is made after that by another person. Should not take long - once my threads are active - they are very much so. Please let me know if that helped or not. ;)

Ponder

12-27-2014, 08:52 AM

That kind of reminds me of a prison yard where you only get x numbers of hours of sunlight. Lol … at your sarcasm re the sun. I would go nuts living like that Cully. Thanks for the perspective though.
I understand John. In your own time. I’m using this thread to battle through my hang ups. I find it helps. When the time is right you will know … then you can give up the smokes good and proper.
Thanks for the kind words re my photos there.

Seems no one goes untouched from loneliness at some point on their lives, this should not undermine an individual’s experience of it. Such things are no doubt very personal and should never be open to judgement from another’s perspective. It can be a hot potato for me at times.
Yea – I think it’s good to go without from time to time John. Perhaps not the passing out stage … but I’ve been close to that and also hospitalized for malnutrition when living on the streets as a young fella. That’s not the aim of this fasting technique I’m now on. I’m fasting for better health. It’s the food on offer and lust for it that’s killing everyone.

I hope the tip I gave you in my previous posts helps to sort out the email notifications – I also hope you can find a little peace in the coming days. We don’t have to be happy to find peace, although smiling does often help : ) - I guess pleasant is a much more favourable term for me as opposed to happiness, whilst for others Happiness is just a good a word. All comes down to perspective I guess.
__________________________________________________ ________

Ponder

12-27-2014, 09:02 AM

So anyways ... what am I doing up in the middle of the night ... hell now its 2.00 am!

Not to worry ... Hunger no doubt. If I have learned anything from insomnia or in this case waking up hungry ... its to get up and not fight staying awake. The reverse of fighting sleep. So far, I just made another lemon and ginger tea with a sliver of honey ... wrote some posts as you can see and now not feeling so bad. Almost ready to go to lay down.

Apparently what happens when you fast like this ... is that the body repairs damaged cells. No doubt this process will get better the more I can rest on and during the nights following my fast days. Right now ... there is still a little tension inside my gut, however no where as near as bad before the tea and honey. I'm going to make myself 50 g or rice to nip this in the bud ... then when I wake, I'll judge the intensity of the exercise regime that will continue for my day.

I've got a 2400 cal limit to work with ... actually 3000 cal is what they call me TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure) works on the BMI (which is not the best technique for my body type) Age, Height, Weight and Activity Level. Because I aim to lose weight, I'll be down sizing my intake Vs exercise whilst keeping a close watch on my fatigue levels.

I think on that note ... I'll go make that rice ;)

Dahila

12-27-2014, 11:00 AM

Hehehe guys you are awesome and the pictures are incredible. Dave you look with the small one like a movie star:)
Cully two pictures of city is bringing memories..........the road the lack of sun:) It looks like the last city I was living in Poland. When one alone does not necessary feels lonely. I am like John I need some interaction with people. I am not very active lately due the xmas and preparing everything myself all the 12 meals for a Xmas eve..............***** tradition. I do it only for my children. More than a week ago I got seriously sick. I had overworked myself and I spend hours in ER, Today I feel good enough to post ........
John I feel like a prune today :)))) which closer to the true.
Just in case you guys have a Happy New Year, best wishes from me:))

Cullingford

12-27-2014, 02:52 PM

Evening guys good to see you John sorry to hear the holidays have not been to good to you! I do hope you start getting back to your old self soon, I really need to see a shot of that horny Owl ;). Good to see you too Dahila as always, been overdoing it again? you really do need pace yourself more! putting yourself in ER that really can't be good. Dave the shot of the pair of you having a swim is really good, it will really nice for the little fella to see pictures like that when he grows up.

A couple more shots of my trip into town.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7567/15933959810_b255aa9f5b_h.jpg

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7491/16095427366_a7911f2e91_h.jpg

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7530/16121225495_93bf6c2ec0_h.jpg

Dahila

12-27-2014, 04:54 PM

Cully I just want to get into the magical world you showing me:) I need to sit on that bench, even if it is cold............

JohnC

12-28-2014, 06:38 AM

I will try and get on Flickr today sometime and get caught up. I had to work on my truck yesterday it has been running like crap. I have rust holes older than my kids:cry:

JohnC

12-28-2014, 06:42 AM

Ponder, i did as you said and every thing is as it should be so i am not sure whats going on with my email notifications. I did finally get a smartphone but i just think it's too smart for me, :) but i will beat it down eventually. I like my old flip phone better. Peace all

Cullingford

12-28-2014, 02:16 PM

Evening guy's thank's Dahila for your kind words, I don't know about magical it felt more cold and damp than magical. The river there is usually just a small trickle with a few ducks I used to come here quite a lots when my boys were younger to feed them, they have grown far too sophisticated nowadays for those simple pleasures.

Heh John I hope you manage to get that old truck of yours back up and running, I had to laugh about your phone! every time I think of getting a new one my wife says just buy the cheapest as the technology would be wasted on me:D.

I have had a busy day today me the wife and kids went for a lovely walk in the woods this morning, then around to my parents for a great big old fashioned roast dinner. It doesn't get better than that.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7530/15941815897_a10c3fcf9c_h.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qhHYsM)

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7572/16126826532_4ecf9d12c0_h.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qz5cFj)

A couple of shots that I am quite pleased with from today.

Ponder

12-28-2014, 11:59 PM

Hi John - May I ask what model your phone is. Srry to hear about the issues still happening.

Cully ... again great photos and please do keep sharing. I have been so flat out and having to give my energies to my health program.

Here is one link about the portfolios out there:
https://crevado.com/

There is an example link there ... I like how you can sort out your sets type of thing. I think later I will give something like that a try.

Dahila - srry I missed you a few times as I have been real busy. Saw your post in the Yahoo Christian Chat ... woops I mean that God thread. LOL

Anyways ...................

I will try to make a real post later ... by all means guys ... please do mingle ... I will re-read later.

Wishing you well john ... as in I hope your feeling better?

Ponder

12-29-2014, 03:06 AM

I'm probably clutching at straws here - figured it was a fun project to do at any rate - will update with my baby girl later. She want's a showing in their as well. Just got to find a matching photo. I'm about 2 years old there - little Joe is 7 months. I know things could change real quick, but hopefully this one will stay clan for life. :)

Like My Hair Do?

Pop & Joey:

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7524/16110598426_35c55df893_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qxD2Co)

Ponder

12-29-2014, 03:37 AM

I still have a long way to go, however I am feeling pretty good since coming off the meds and now this new approach to eating. I don't think I am understood very well over at the weight loss site, so keeping most of my achievements in here. I did attempt this no so long ago, however it was simply to to hard to do whilst on the meds, more over quite counter productive.

Like last time when I was juicing, my skin has cleared up - although this time I am not juicing at all. I am simply eating a hell of a lot less and drinking water in small amounts and often. I wont always be counting calories ... only doing it to learn what is what for now, however the goal is simply to be more mindful about how much and what I eat. Also to be aware of my body on a more sensitive level.

Today I got in about 18000 steps. That's counting in the home and mowing the lawn. I went for two walks. I am easing up on the cardio and sticking with weights. I have given up on the rushing process. I simply can't do it like that anymore and I want to embrace the minimalist approach to living ... so I am accepting my self for how I am now and simply enjoying the feeling within and the many other benefits I am also experiencing.

I'm not zen or anything like that. I still need my space and somewhat still in the purging mode. None the less, I'm loving this practice of living on much much less than we modern humans no take for granted. It's cheaper, more sustainable and is helping me to deal with things a little easier without being pumped up on meds. None the less, it's taking a lot of will power ... but I am more then willing after having suffered the side effect of so called quick fixes.

As for my therapist ... I think I am ready to drop her, if she does not start being more supportive of me. I dread my next visit actually ... I think she needs to hear from me ... what I really think about her and the apparent stagnant report I know we have. Is how I will say good bye to here. Essentially she has wasted my visits. Not happy ... I will source out something. I may very well go back to that other group and give them another chance .. will also speak to someone there as well to clear the air.

I leave this progress profile pic to keep me honest and on track with what matters. Soon Cully and I do bush video with my hammock and cook up a little feed. Soon ... just waiting a little longer. Very Very HOT atm.

Take care guys and thanks for your support. Much appreciated:

----------------------------------- Dave ;)

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7491/15949151970_5f7c2de4b7_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qinzdN)

Cullingford

12-29-2014, 03:12 PM

Good evening guy's I hope you are all doing well. Dave there is a definite resemblance between you two as littluns something about the eyes in my opinion, mate they cruel to our generation with the hair styles and clothes! there are some really dodgy shots of us when we were young, I think they best stay hidden my boys really would have some ammo for piss taking.
Thanks for the link on the portfolio yeah it looks good! there is getting quite a lot stuff all jumbled up in that flickr account. Another Bush video! cool don't get out there and cook in that sun! to be honest I think I prefer the temperature here than sweltering like you poor buggers have too. It was a nice day here today and I was out and about enjoying the few hours of sunshine

[url=https://flic.kr/p/qxTyv7]https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7504/16113433856_4748e28583_h.jpg

[url=https://flic.kr/p/qA3J7r]https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7489/16137855181_7b14b0862b_b.jpg

A couple of shots I am happiest with today, take care Cully

Ponder

12-29-2014, 10:12 PM

Believe me when I say, "Those images literally blow my mind!!!"

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/tumblr_m87g9v5DQK1qgfmalo1_500_zps5fznrqvy.gif

JohnC

12-30-2014, 03:16 AM

Ponder i got a Kyocera brigadier. I wasn't going to get one but when i was getting the wife's christmas present ( iphone 6 ) the sales guy talked me right into it, lol. It only cost me one dollar more since i had long past my contract with the old phone. I suppose i will get use to eventually and i do like some of the features it has especially the waterproof part. I jumped into the lake with my last phone and after it dried out it still worked !
I went to the Doc today or i guess yesterday now ( can't sleep ) i just have not been feeling well. No energy at all and i took my first sick day in two years and it looks like i will be taking another today. I manage to get through work and do what i have to do around the house but other than that i just sit in my chair. Kind of aches and pains around the body sorta thing, who knows. Having health anxiety it sometimes gets hard to distinguish between what's real and what's not. :( peace all

Ponder

12-30-2014, 01:52 PM

Nice phone man. Sounds like a good one I could throw around as well. :) - Have been reading on it ... Very Rugged! My one boasts some of the same features, however that one you have really puts its money where it's mouth is and it looks like quite the part. I like it a lot. No nonsense phone. They say the battery consumption will even get better with future updates as well. If you don't have much experience with smart phones, I just advice reading up on how to conserve the battery. Even the best of them go flat pretty quick. When or if you get time ... make the the fist thing you learn. You'll actually learn quite a lot about your smart phone just going done that route. You can get apps that help ... but learning how to save the power manually will better familiarize you with your phone.

Try this search strong on Google:

"Smart Phones how to conserve battery power"

Some say it looks ugly - I think it looks like it's ready to land on the moon. Nice phone John - I think it looks awesome!

__________________________________________________ __________________________

Srry to hear about the blow out John. Sounds like you need a bit of charging yourself. Are you depressed with your work situation? Hope you don't mind me asking? - I've never been able to cope with people so I take my hat off to you all for getting by as you do. But my condolences would mean little if stuff is getting to you on a deeper level. Have you given any thought to any underlying factors or just plain stuff that's been building for a whiles? ... Grinding the mill sucks - Expectations aside ... having to fit in and "make a living"or whatever it is that people come up with to drive themselves ... Is work dragging you down at all?

I often wonder in places where there is NO welfare - how many people feel like slaves to the system? Forgive me if I speak out of turn, or in fact this has nothing to do with you being run down or whatever. I no you like to disappear into the woods so figured you might get sick of spinning the wheel to eat and breath. I don't think you have a holiday house of your own to put your feet up ... do you? Your own personal safari vehicles to go round up the local clubbies and go hunting with? Or maybe you have a 50 meter pool with a spar and bar out the back that your toil has rewarded you with ... perhaps you have some or all of those things to go energize with your phone there? LOL -

Arrrrr - I know you don't need that crap man ... honestly, it just clogs the mind up. What do you think is weighing you down?

Ponder

12-30-2014, 02:04 PM

Cully - I have to catch up with you later man ... I hear ya is all ... :) ... Same Dahila ... was a great chat the other day. I'm still fasting ... almost decided to give it away last night ... but I want to know for myself if it helps or not. So much discouragement out there with too many paths for me. Have to do for myself in order to know.

I work on the God post for now and do other things in the home in the mean time. Not aiming to do much on this fast day.

Cully - Rest easy and pass them vibes onto John hey. What do you reackon john ... would be good if we could go bush with cully hey. He can do the camera work :)

Hope you and the family are lapping up life Cully!

LOL - just had a thought of you doing a real quick render on someones stone porch before you go back to work. leaving them something to shock them when they go to check the mail box. srry man ... have no idea where that came from ... Cully the stone mason. :)

Cullingford

12-30-2014, 02:54 PM

Evening guys that bloke above looks like he he is doing something that if you do too much you go blind :eek:. Yeah I am having a great time and my batteries are getting a really good recharge. Sorry to hear you are not feeling so good John! I only wish there was a way to send a big boost of feel good vibes in your direction. When this stuff gets on top of you it can be a real bugger to shake off, it's good to hear you are having some time off work it's too easy to keep pushing on until you make yourself really ill.

I decided to go back to the beach this morning to try and get a sunrise, I must be mad it was bloody freezing but clear as a bell it was too good an opportunity to miss. I always seem to be going to work on mornings like these so it made a good change.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7468/16119712116_e31811dd44_o.jpg

Dave It will be good as always to catch up with you. I will pop in have a look at the god thread but I definitely won't be getting involved with that, I hope it doesn't end up nasty. Lol at the stealth rendering I have been tempted to brick a few peoples doors up in the past.

See you all tomorrow guys try and keep your chin up John.

Ponder

12-31-2014, 12:55 PM

Damn doctors still in the house. Sigh --- I wish they would go play in the mystics playground and leave us the fuck alone.

I hear ya cully ... good to hear man and lovely shot there. Nice cloud spread and color there.

Just a real quick one ... just afirming in my mind the walk - trot I am about to embark on.

Strap ankle and go light ... hopefully this will mark the beginning of what I know works so well for me.

will go as easy as I can.

Thus far I have lost SEVEN KG / or 15.4lbs for all the US doctors in the room.

Righto - lets see if I bust an ankle ...

Dahila

12-31-2014, 02:02 PM

Let him be Dave, it is not worth getting you upset. Just leave the thread "God" what suppose to be said is already said. Better post here so we know that you do it for us:)) Miss you guys dearly but I am still in bad shape. Went to sleep at 7 in the morning. Insomnia is a bitch no questions asked....................

Ponder

12-31-2014, 09:10 PM

Yea Yea - just like you had to say your bit in that other thread - I too felt the need to give the tin foil hat freak a bid of admonishing back. It's been having too much free reign with its BS fanciful readings as it does. I don't believe it even knows what a a real medium is. Never seems to show its own face at all and also never tires ... just pretends whilst dishing out all that BS. When ever I ask anything remotely specific to how or where these entities and or process is that manifests and so on - I get nothing. It's as fake as you can get.

Anyways - away with that freak "for now" ... I could use the steam a little later though. :)
________________________________

Your right ... enough was said for my liking - until that doctor dick made it's appearance as well. Yet another egocentric fuck sucking in the poor lost souls. Those two work well together.

_____________________

Moving On ...

Srry to hear thing are not so well Dahila. I have missed you as well. I am now rather very active but leave my Skype going out of habit. Please do continue to leave messages as they are good prompt for me. Hopefully things will settle down for you in due time.

What do you think is triggering the insomnia - Issues going on of late close to home? Diet? Activity? Lack of activity? Change of Meds? I am happy to listen - please know that.

____

Righto - I still have a little more to finish off today. Must pull out and refurbish my computer parts. Going to give my Son my PC and sell his. This Ultra Book is working out well for me and all I need. Anything more is just a waste.

I did an AWESOME walk/jog routine this morning. I'm yet to check but I think I did more than 5 km. Strapping the arch of my left foot (clutch foot) and around my ankle seemed to help. I started the first 3km with waling one minute then trotting another minute - after that mark I needed to have 1:30 minute rests with continued 1 minute trots. I stretched a little off the side of power poles during the walking breaks.

I lost about 1 kg in sweat - It was a massive session that left me with a burn that continued for a few hours. Later I did some weights and had a hearty meal.

The down side is that I did get a seat/friction rash between my upper thighs that stung/burned quite a bit. I used my daughters nappy rash cream which really helped (Bepanthen) - then turned of the bedroom air con and laid under the ceiling fan. Whilst there, I felt SO relieved - It truly was the best rush every and the coming down as a lay there was quite something - grabbed a pair of head phones and instinctively youtubed "Healing Self Hypnosis" - Manged to pull one up for the immune system so went with that. I could literally feel the blood running through my veins like a cooling system. I also felt my body was transporting all it needed to wherever it needed ... My congestion was all gone and every breath I took was like a hit of rush without the head aches ...

I prayed to myself - (LOL feel like I'm suffering now) hoping like fuck that tomorrow my rash must be, has to be - healed enough to at least burn again for this amazing feeling I now lay here and experience.
_______________

So much for not doing cardio. Just goes to show ... I need to listen more to my body and speak less with my ankle. hahar ...

It's not uncommon for me to break out the nappy rash creams and compression bandages when making these kind of come backs. If I stick at it ling enough ... my upper things start to shape up so the rash becomes less of an issue ... however it can be quite a pain and also rates as a burn out for some and too in my past efforts ... learning how to strap an ankle is also something I have had to learn the hard way.

Good news is - I am muscling up leaner and losing weight ... which in time will also allow for the ankle (more foot arch) to heal = friction rashes.

I carry a hydration pack but with no bladder (good spot for my phone ... I think I will just throw in a water bottle and simply stop during recovering phases to take the odd sip ... bladders can be a real pain to clean.
____________

That's all to report - Did I tell you I got Nutritional scales? They look really cool with about 999 foods in the memory banks. Mostly for my fasting days - but once I know more ... I will plan out a few meals designed more for fuel when I get really going.

7kg/15lbs down ------------- who knows how many more to go ............. It's great to really breath again. if only just after exercising. ;) - will keep a check on that with diet to reduce mucus build up.

Time to start moving again.

Oh but one last thing:
Go Fuck yourself Mr Inappropriate. http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/1928_middle_finger_zpswuh6xbgk.gif

Tisc Tisc Tisc

Im-Suffering

01-01-2015, 06:54 AM

... until that doctor dick made it's appearance.

Moving On ...

No let's not move on, yet.

That doctor did nothing wrong. I want all of your friends in this thread to see how you acted (behaved). And from the above quote, continue to act.

You refer to Dan, as an 'it', quite unconscious on your part but shows the inner feelings. It simply strips him of any humanity. Symbolic of course of the way you were made to feel as a child and teen.

Your comments were inappropriate then (the 'God' thread) and are inappropriate now (this thread).

You are still that small child (from his perspective, and pain) with lovely 'locks' that was abused. An adult would have said simply "maybe my comments toward the doctor were offensive, I do not know him"

I am not egocentric (selfish, self centered) not once have I asked for help for myself, even though I'm in as much pain emotionally as any of you. When I see another hurting I take a back seat and the channel comes out. That's how it happens.

You threw a tantrum. If your going to act like a child that's how I will treat you. To future and present readers of the "God" thread you will not be seen in the best light. That post is ridiculously immature, bullyish and offensive.

As far as the comments toward dahila (from user 'paniccured') that was ignorant and unjustified. He has your anger issues. I stepped up for her because no one should be treated that way, especially an older woman (respectfully dahila).

You act like a bully David, (unconsciously) just like the priest and the rest of them (who bullied you). In a real way, you've turned into them (so fearful of their influence). They are the parts of you that you hate. You have blended, unknowingly. (characteristics). In times of self harm, or lashing out, they are meant be be apparent. (For you to recognize). You are not only hitting yourself, symbolically, you are hitting them. That's the release.

When they hurt you, you split personalities to protect yourself. Developing a stronger side to help the weaker cope, and even plan how you will "get them back". You are still split, the moods (personalities) swing back and forth so smoothly you don't even recognize it. That is why later on you often have regrets, when the softer side takes 'control'. The courageous self takes over quite automatically and forcefully when triggered. You are well aware of the triggers, but you give over to them, relinquishing any control to the mood, so to speak. And this is very important for you to understand so I have bolded the paragraph. I am 'still' helping you even in times such as this.

Well, David. "You were such a beautiful little boy" they used to tell you, right before they turned on you. And so "good and bad" became distorted concepts. Most attempts now at being good, so to speak, are thwarted.

I.do have compassion for you.

Lastly, when people gather to have a laugh at someone else because they may be different, or 'foreign' why don't you (any of you)stand up and say 'enough' of this foolish behaviour. Joining in and having a good go at someone's expense does not feed you spiritually (or any other way), but takes away from who you are (is that who you want to be?), and you can be sure you will reap the same fate. I am not saying I have laughed at you, I personally never have.

This is the comment I'm referring to:

"Your a fucking freak mate and MANY us of laugh at you when meeting up on other blogs, Facebook and so on."

Dahila

01-01-2015, 08:52 AM

Oh weight that's awesome news, I had seen your pictures and yes you look good, and slimming down. I was on 5+2 blog just to get the feel of that. Watch your skin, when something happening with the skin it means your body is not in balance. But you know that.
Thanks Imsuffering, but the only bully on forum is Panic even he calls me what: bully, dam, idiot, and excetera. The cause of that was my opinion, low opinion about Linden Method which is expensive, very expensive and somehow he fill some pocets so every psychologist in UK recommends him. It is over my head. He is telling sick people not to go to docs. Terrifying.

I think Doc is here due his own pain and suffering. Beside being a doctor he is a feeling person. Always polite, and nice to others. A lot of people do not know much about their body and anxiety so they get assurance from him, it is good , as long as it help them.

I have to share good news. My step sister died many years ago and she had two children; girl and a boy. I had not contact with family after she passed away and the letters stopped coming. It is like 15 years. Her daughter found me and we are in touch............... the weirdest thing is I was dreaming about it two or three weeks before I got letters from her. It made me very, very happy :)) I need to share it!!

Ponder

01-01-2015, 11:20 AM

The only thing that cuts deep here, is my friend Dahila feeding the troll in this here thread. Very Sad.

I'm srry Dahila, but if you value our friendship at all, please do not feed those that I despise in here.

I do values yours which is why I have decided to continue this thread. Please do think carefully. If you have had enough of me, then lets discus that, but do not disrespect my veiws ... no matter how distateful you find them.

As for that freak, his on ignore and I don't need to see it's comment to know what its on here for. Any further dioloug with it and then I ghess i will surely know your answer,

Perhaps our time is over. If say, then thanks and nice knowing you. Nothing lasts forever.

Off for my 4:30 am trot.

Dahila

01-01-2015, 11:25 AM

I do not know what to say .............

Im-Suffering

01-01-2015, 11:48 AM

I do not know what to say .............

Psychological manipulation on his part dahila. Things do last forever, especially true constructive frienships. These work together for the good. Not where one is a sounding board for some terribly problematic psychological world views, where one feels sympathy for the other. That is not friendship or loving.

Do me a favor, and I have not asked anything of you here, you know that. I ask one thing.

Please work to have his absolutely disgusting comment in the God thread removed. I have sent to moderate, but no response. You know how destructive it could be to future readers expecting a prayer thread, or even to Dan's credibility, which has no reason to be questioned or slandered.

You don't need to respond here ofcourse.

The post is on the last page of that thread, big red bold type for curse words, etc.

Cya round the boards. I will leave my post here above, I am not going to remove it. You can bet he has already read it. It took quite some time and even now I was still trying to be helpful to him. In that regard I have failed.

Also if I am a troll, than my trolling has helped over 700 people with insights because each one of my posts was for another, based on their need, and generally speaking each one takes almost 2 hours to post.

Ponder

01-01-2015, 01:18 PM

Jesus Fucking Christ!!!

I still can't see it but I know it's taking up "my" space. You think this cunt is being all helpful here? I had a good think about this whilst out doing what needs to be done. If this cunt continues on in here ... then it shows the fucker up to be everything I has said.

HEY CUNT! Your not wanted in here! Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Can't get any plainer than that. Anyone who wants you in here, is no friend of mind. For Fucks Sake - Take it elsewhere.

My only correction Dalhila is that I don't want it in here ... Of course I don't mind who you are friends with ... none of my business. I like you a lot! ... but I don't want this cunt in here. Pure and Simple.

Have no idea what it is saying ... but I highly advice that it picks itself up and gets that fuck out and takes its shit with it.
__________________________________________________ ____________________

Thank You.

Dahila

01-01-2015, 01:59 PM

I am no friend with no one and you know it , and I do not invite people over , it is not my style.

jessed03

01-01-2015, 02:35 PM

How you been finding the Aussie summer so far, Ponder?

The winter here's been fairly mild up until now, but in the last two weeks the temperature's plummeted. I start to really get depressed at this time of year. Too much time spent in doors in front of screens, ya know? I do bike riding and stuff, which gets me out, but I can't go sit anywhere, or go walking anywhere and really enjoy being outside. When the wind's howling in your face, it ain't much fun.

I'm complaining, but I know Dahila's got it way worse in Canada ;)

@ Dahila: How's your sleep? I've been sleeping at 7 too. I hear ya, that shit's horrible. I've had terrible restless legs for some reason. Thankfully magnesium seems to have gotten rid of it, but my sleep is really off schedule.

Ponder

01-01-2015, 03:19 PM

Dahila - I am srry. My reply to you is more private and left on Skype. I truly am srry. I just add that I was angry when seeing that other come in and bash that other fella the way it did and then felt it has charmed you in some way. My self got the better of me and I was even more angry when I felt your response to it only played into its Ego ... then seeing your dialogue in here, when I though you would of known how that would only trigger me ... Hence ... your choice to do so, then only fed my assumption of its charming ways. Little more complicate than that ... but none the less ... I think that's a good view from my perspective.

Seems I have hurt you ... I did not want too ... although I did want to make it clear just how much I am will to lose in order for it not to dog me as it wills. Having said that ... It does hurt me all the same that I say such things and also now I know how much I have hurt you.

I am sorry - I'll move on with you any day, but will not tolerate it's presence in this here thread.

If you can find it in your heart - I hope you can forgive me.
__________________________________________________ ________________

Now I must put in a disclaimer - I know there are times that you prefer to give me space when my frustration becomes more on the distasteful side - those times I may make no sense at all. The next few weeks may very well be like those most heated moments in that other thread about the childrens home I ended up being consumed with. I understand when it is more myself speaking to myself in such moments. It's something I have to do ...

In the mean time - I really hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for hurting you.
______________________________

I shave my head and ask for forgiveness ;)

Allow me to consult the Aliens on this matter:

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/ConsultingWiththeAliens_zpscd51810f.jpg

Ponder

01-01-2015, 03:22 PM

Jesse - Great to see you ... please allow me to respond a little later. Just needed to "try"and patch things up with Dahila. Dahila does indeed mean a lot to me.

I have to find another location - but will be right with you. Thanks for the spanner dude ... nice timing :)

jessed03

01-01-2015, 04:48 PM

Ponder

01-01-2015, 08:54 PM

Hi Jesse, hope the weather turns more the way you like it soon. I know what you mean.

Here is extremely Humid as pictured below. More cloud pic at the link below. Took a few snaps whilst out shopping the other day.

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8616/15983333088_3fb7464893_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qmoL5q)

I more a winter person - despite our extreme hot weather ... it can actually get pretty cold in some parts of Australia. Not so much up in this region here apparently.I

I prefer average temps of about 15C to 18C with direct sunlight at about 23c ... Anything above that with humidity sucks in my opinion. Therefore, I do believe moving up here has been a mistake ... especially considering my wife's MS ... none the less, when she gets sicker, I am sure she'll be up for moving. In the mean time, I'm still working on replacing my wares.

I used to work in places up in the high 40s/c ... known to hit 50c. Did not last long there though. Leve to that the Die Hards that love saying "Oh but it's hotter up here .... bla bla bla"

Yep - I much prefer the colder temps any day - but not so much so, that my nuts shrivel up every time I step outside. :)

Ponder

01-02-2015, 04:27 AM

Righto - lets try the term "moving on" once more.

Sore as hell today - almost a make or break situation ... so far tethering just withing the limits. I shall rest up well tonight - yet another fasting day upon me. I kind of slipped a little over the last two days, however my body seemed to be craving more food to make up for all the stress I have been putting on it.

Purchased some long synthetic strides to assist with the friction rash - Today I managed to stave off the affliction, however the anaerobic is still presenting to be quite the hurdle. None the less the strapping on the left foot seems to be doing its job, so I envisage that after tomorrows rest day, I should be able to push through with the walk / trot / walk / trot - average 1 hour with one mintue either side of that transition.

Found my extra weights and more dumbbells so I can start upping the effort there as well!

Once again - it's all been on the very edge of make or break, however I seem to of played my cards well this time around. So far so Good.

16th of Jan will Mark 3 months of that toxic drug "Seroquel" I seem to of reclaimed my metabolism which seemed to be on the brink of yet another syndrome, courtesy of such wonder meds.

15+ lbs now I have lost, which is not bad considering I never started to exercise at least one month into it. In fact I have lost a little more as after my run this morning, I hit the scales @ 101kg - compared to the 110gk I started with ... Yea Yea ... I lost a kg in sweat alone on this mornings run. (is why I am so sore now) ...

I'm just so pleased my ankle has held out this far and I don't have an infection with sweat rashes ... counting tomorrows rest and a good day of fasting ... I figure I should be set to hit it all again with the following three day stretch before next fast. I ponder on that now as to yet leave it as "going through the motions" YES - I think is best with that approach for sure.

Lots of self hypnosis with healing and my immune system quite the focus I think.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _____

The new shoes have made a huge difference. Just as well I have been selling all else ...

On other fronts ... was good to catch up with my youngest boy ... he seemed pretty happy with me taking his computer off his hands and giving him my gaming beast ... gave it a real good overhaul too!

Must get onto cleaning up the clothes pile tomorrow and salvage my sons computer parts and make a few more $$$ out of them. Then I can make a reasonable amount selling all that camera gear yet to go ...................... Then the major goal after that is cleaning up the shed!!!!! Yet again - just like the place before. That's the whole point of getting rid of all out shit. So over dragging all that shit around from one rental to another ... will be a breeze if we can get it down to just a few trailer loads.

Righto - time to go heal up so more.

Hope your feeling better the next time you cross paths in here Dahila. ;)

As for the rest of you guys ... Peace Out.

Cullingford

01-02-2015, 03:06 PM

Good evening my dear friends sorry I have not posted for a while, I have been trying to do some of those jobs that I promised whilst on my holiday. The truth is the weather here the last couple of days has been so nice, I would have rather been out with my camera. That exercise and weight loss program Dave sounds like it's really doing the job and all that weight loss is amazing! in such a short time I bet you are really pleased about it.
That's a nice shot there with the clouds it's good to get some nice cloud in a shot, this one is from this morning

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7562/15553424313_b9eed23fac_o.jpg

Behind where I was standing was a large wall and by the time I had finished the waves were lapping around my feet I had to make a run for it.:D

Hi Dahlia I hope you are doing ok and the sleeping is getting better. Also John I hope stuff is on the up for you as well.

Take care guys.

Ponder

01-02-2015, 04:19 PM

Indeed I am Cully. It seems you have perfected the art of slow shutter speed scenic shots. Simply Stunning as always ... but still outdoing yourself. It sounds like you have the right mix for a restful break Cully. Glad to hear it. Srry I have not been browsing Flckr mych myself. I can see your really spinning off a number of masterpieces their as well.

jessed03

01-02-2015, 08:46 PM

Wow absolutely stunning picture contrasts there.

Was just about to ask Dave if you'd been around Cully. You read my mind popping in.

Hope the holiday's treated you well. They're kinda nice really, while everyone's packed into the shops like sardines, there's tons of space everywhere else. :)

Anyway, enjoy the day guys! Let's see what adventures 2015 has in store.

Ponder

01-02-2015, 10:30 PM

Is that one in your collection at Flkr Cully - was hopping to use it on my desktop.

Day thus far has been a good one.

Watch the the Dumb and Dumber Movie - My wife said she could not get into it, because it reminded her of me.

Had a good time faking dead as the waves rolled me around down at the beach. Had just finishing playing silly buggers with my grandson and no one else would come in for a dip. Then we went home to watch that movie ... that's the back story on that one :)

So far the rest day has been good --- might go grab those extra weights actually. Setting everything up in advance seems to really help me. I think a 4:30 am start is working out well. No alarm - just natural. If I go to bed early and sleep ok - that seems to be about near enough the time === or 5:am.

I'll do the weight routine a little before lunch and time my meal for that ...

Yep - Everything has to be done in order - I work so much better that way ... and I fucking hate it when it gets interrupted ... but what ya gonna do hey.

plan plan ahead - that's how I beat the triggers.

Yep your right Jesse - Religion has really fucked me up or your meaning on just how hung up I am with it. Bit like I said - that's just the way it is ... so be it. My energy is coming back ... shame I don't actually have a therapist that wants to help me ... Just thinking about her makes me sad. What a waste of fucking time she is. I really must end that and or think about how to go about that and what back stop to have in place form there.

Take care guys. ;)

Ponder

01-02-2015, 11:34 PM

Seems I have more time on my hands so figure I will dribble some more if not for the sake tuning into myself a little more proactively.

For all of the sparks that fly in here and or internal conflict and frustrations (that shit comes from others telling each other how to live Religious or NOT - [I only know what works for me and spew it in here so that others who kind of get me, can make contact as they wish - thus far some have and it's been great to know them) -

Motivation has indeed been quite beneficial, however without the emphasis of "bettering myself" as is such a tune that also makes me sick.

Need some tunes ---- righto moving on:

A last note on relgion - It killed my brother ... No doubt his own hands and decision led to his death, but more so that hand of God and all those that proclaimed to move in His Name. If Hell were in fact real - if I was shown Hell - I would gladly still spit in the face of God and burn eternally as why the fuck would you ever want to worship and bow down to such an entity as that -

Even if rebirth were found to be the case - I would spit in the face of the universe and what ever creator that would have us be played and toyed with like such - an eternal death under suffering until you learn to behave - same fucking thing as the Evil God -

All that shit under the consequence of repeated suffering until WHAT ---- whats the fucking point of all that shit again?????

NOPE - Just an evolutionary process with a beginning and an end. The evolution of awareness that seeks to assimilates is not such a bad thing - but we humans who dare to think our Intellect is the be and all -

Dr in the house and All Hail, for I art a great Medium - The haves and the haves not - What do you do for a living and all that fucking bull shit that floats to the top of what!!!! Top of the Hill? Top of the Chain?

Yea - srry but life in not as short as "be done with it go get em sport" Time may appear like that for some - however 1 year can be like a life time to those suffering who know no way out. I'll never forget how long the nights were in my homeless days - some quick and some an eternity.

WHO THE FUCK AMONG YOU HAS THE RIGHT TO DEMEAN, MINIMIZE OR DOWNPLAY SOMEBODY ELSE'S SUFFERING?

Oh how quick some forget when the wind changes and the breeze just right. Fucking selfish beings the lot of us. 2015 statement from the prime-minster in this country is "Win the lottery of life" Oh please for fucks sake - someone pass me a rope! Shortly followed by that statement is "Mental Illness is no longer considered a Disability" Grey area to be sure - but FUCK - what an Irony of sorts that one be.

Makes me sick to think that half the cunts sapping up the benefits or whatever the fuck you think they be ... are mostly old pricks living in huge estates and traveling over seas quite regular. So in fact - whilst I can see a huge area that needs cleaning up in welfare by those old fuckers sapping like so ... I think my self imposed alienation / anti social ways are well justified when hearing such BS statements with regards to such Prosperity doctrine being preach by some politician to a collective of sheep who only think about how much more than can get.

Sheep that go about questioning each other "What do you do for a living" - Well I guess this years response will be "I play fucking Lotto as the prime minister suggests" However I recommend staying the fuck away from people who ask such BS questions and try breathing from time to time you self righteous fucks!

How to those green apples grab ya? Get the fuck out of here!

__________________________________________________ _________

Righto - what else can this wondrous Nature tunes bring to light .... hmmmmmmmmm

I think that about does it for the start of this year.

Until next transmission:

I cut and past this because it's so funny and so disturbing at the same time - this is what some of us have been reduced to. So Sad:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-93CYp4vWs

Skip through to about the 3 minute mark - The transformation is Hilarious! or whatever you want to call it.

... my issues don't seem so bad when I watch this shit. adios. ;)

Ponder

01-02-2015, 11:40 PM

Seems I have more time on my hands so figure I will dribble some more of not for the sake tuning into myself a little more proactively.

For all of the sparks that fly in here and or internal conflict and frustrations (that shit comes from others telling each other how to live Religious or NOT - [I only know what works for me and spew it in here so that others who kind of get me, can make contact as they wish - thus far some have and it's been great to know them) -

Motivation has indeed been quite beneficial, however without the emphasis of "bettering myself" as is such a tune that also makes me sick.

Need some tunes ---- righto moving on:

A last note on relgion - It killed my brother ... No doubt his own hands and decision led to his death, but more so that hand of God and all those that proclaimed to move in His Name. If Hell were in fact real - if I was shown Hell - I would gladly still spit in the face of God and burn eternally as why the fuck would you ever want to worship and bow down to such an entity as that -

Even if rebirth were found to be the case - I would spit in the face of the universe and what ever creator that would have us be played and toyed with like such - an eternal death under suffering until you learn to behave - same fucking thing as the Evil God -

All that shit under the consequence of repeated suffering until WHAT ---- whats the fucking point of all that shit again?????

NOPE - Just an evolutionary process with a beginning and an end. The evolution of awareness that seeks to assimilates is not such a bad thing - but we humans who dare to think our Intellect is the be and all -

Dr in the house and All Hail, for I art a great Medium - The haves and the haves not - What do you do for a living and all that fucking bull shit that floats to the top of what!!!! Top of the Hill? Top of the Chain?

Yea - srry but life in not as short as "be done with it go get em sport" Time may appear like that for some - however 1 year can be like a life time to those suffering who know no way out. I'll never forget how long the nights were in my homeless days - some quick and some an eternity.

WHO THE FUCK AMONG YOU HAS THE RIGHT TO DEMEAN, MINIMIZE OR DOWNPLAY SOMEBODY ELSE'S SUFFERING?

Oh how quick some forget when the wind changes and the breeze just right. Fucking selfish beings the lot of us. 2015 statement from the prime-minster in this country is "Win the lottery of life" Oh please for fucks sake - someone pass me a rope! Shortly followed by that statement is "Mental Illness is no longer considered a Disability" Grey area to be sure - but FUCK - what an Irony of sorts that one be.

Makes me sick to think that half the cunts sapping up the benefits or whatever the fuck you think they be ... are mostly old pricks living in huge estates and traveling over seas quite regular. So in fact - whilst I can see a huge area that needs cleaning up in welfare by those old fuckers sapping like so ... I think my self imposed alienation / anti social ways are well justified when hearing such BS statements with regards to such Prosperity doctrine being preach by some politician to a collective of sheep who only think about how much more they can get.

Sheep that go about questioning each other "What do you do for a living" - Well I guess this years response will be "I play fucking Lotto as the prime minister suggests, however I recommend staying the fuck away from people who ask such BS questions and try breathing from time to time you self righteous old fucking pricks! (Sadly they now have the younger ones eating each other over such competitive ideals and rar rar rar)

How those green apples grab ya? ---- Narrrr - don't sync well --- ok -> Then Get the fuck out of here!

__________________________________________________ _________

Righto - what else can this wondrous Nature tunes bring to light .... hmmmmmmmmm

I think that about does it for the start of this year.

Until next transmission:

I cut and past this because it's so funny and so disturbing at the same time - this is what some of us have been reduced to. So Sad:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-93CYp4vWs

Skip through to about the 3 minute mark - The transformation is Hilarious! or whatever you want to call it. Remind you of any one in here?

... my issues don't seem so bad when I watch this shit. adios. ;)

Ponder

01-03-2015, 03:19 AM

Allow me to share something of worth:

Self Hypnosis Recommendation:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-VXyGuQX14

I find this guy quite a good trigger for self hypnosis. He is one of many on youtube, however not all are suited to everyone that listens. I came across this guy years ago and know him by the Name - Red Ned.

I don't often like the voice of many men, however this guy has a demeanor that I like. He plays all his own music and adds it to his clips ... sometimes he even plays a tune or two for his viewers. I also like the music he plays. Not your typical Mystical presentation with bio feedback, however on occasion I may go for one of those - but rarely do I find one that is neutral enough for me. Different kettle of fish them ones.

This guy has a huge range of topics! This one is quite new and relevant for me. Not just because of how I find it difficult to act in public places, but because of the abuse I just can't seem to shake.

Anyways - I find this kind of thing really helps me a lot! Being Guided can make it so much easier to fall into a meditative state that allows good suggestions into an otherwise chaotic life ... for me at least.
__________________________________________________ ____

Here is another guy that I found rather intriguing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAT_VyoFHbo
his
JASON NEWLAND - self hypnosis Youtube.

I have to admit that at first I felt weird in the beginning watching this stuff, but once I gave in and stopped placing judgment on the presenter or myself for that matter - I found this guy is a master at timing his words just right for hypnosis. I don't like all his vids, but for the most part ... some are really good if you have trouble sleeping. He has some long ones too.

Don't ever underestimate the potential and services available on Youtube. Most of the issue is opening yourself up to utilize them.

__________________________________________________ ________

Here is yet another guy I often load up!

Edward Draughn (https://www.youtube.com/user/Eddini)

Self hypnosis Youtube. Also known as Eddini (I think)

Here is a good link where he explains to his veiwers how to get the best results out of Hypnosis. He may not look it, but this guy really is a certified hypnotist. (actually I should not say it like that, but there ya go - that's a sure fire way to miss out on what some of these guys have to offer) Again - as explained here ... its all up to the person going under:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCT9xUBscNoDD8yCG_YFDvlQ

Here is one of his everyday of the mill ones:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGZv4gFgRUY

___________________________

Hope you find something useful out of those links - make sure to look around their channels as there may be more subjects more relevant than another. I find Edward really explains well what hypnosis is about and I often fall to sleep listening to many of his ... although he is big on trying to keep the viewers aware more than having them sleep ... although he has special sleep ones as well.

That's it for me ... might give one of these guys a good listening to tonight.

Night Night ............ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ponder

01-03-2015, 02:28 PM

I'm pretty much I visual person and much of the reason why I sound out what I aim to do - and or what's been done and doing. I I guess that's why I can use hypnosis so easily. Seems I recovered well from my last walk/trot session with the sore foot and friction rash. This morning I double the time running from one minute to two minute whit one minute rest @ that same distance.

I've now been leaving the ear buds / ipod @ home as I know I have to meditate and nurse myself through the pain barriers that comes with such comebacks when so obese. One thing I can't stand is hearing non runners tell others how running is bad for you. "Oh running is no good for the joints..." "Oh running shortens the used by dates on you body parts..." and so on ... I find it to be the same denial in those who can't come off their meds for fear of losing a friend and the effort involved in living life without them "Oh this..." Oh that..." Same shit.

It's never been a case of not seeing the light for me - I think the older you get with a life long of suffering behind you, surrendering to yourself becomes more like surrendering to death! I'm not meaning the cliche BS about being born again. Oh how so old that story is across the ages - I just mean Death! Therefore I can either stay on the drugs and let my awareness painfully wither away or fine tune my awareness and learn to die a healthier death given whatever circumstances. I think I am over all the airy fairy and even right now all the natural beauty that's either taken for granted or over indulged. Nature can be as cruel as she is beautiful - I see that now ... yet another transition for me in this hard slog called life. I laugh to think of that politician's statement - "Win the Lottery Of Life." Truly what a fuckwit - as too all those that play into that shit. Beep Beep!
__________________________________________________ ______________________________-

Running Notes:

Cramps - Doing well today on that front. Now incorporating proper running stretches into the routine regular now and again back into a core routine. Again - just basic running exercises none of that six pack hype BS. Whilst the friction issues have been resolved with the new synthetics longs - I just need to keep easing up the tension on my bandaged foot until such point its strong enough to take the impact. On that note - turning my trot into a graceful meditative affair really helps to minimize that jarring that many other awkward people, refer such an activity as. Little do they know that once past the barrier to such stresses on the body, how beneficial the recovery process to the bones and joints are. This I know personally - my only issues is that when the machine transitions into a fluid running model - I know not when to stop and destroy if from the inside out. meditation will have to be something I keep in my running as the transition takes place.

Only other thing to note to self is to keep wearing shoes throughout the day. In addition to being morbidly obese - downgrading to thongs and even saddles has weakened my foot over the last year or so since hitting the coast. Also I not the troubled foot is my clutch foot. I need to avoid excessive driving. It may not seem like much, but the thong wearing and long regular drives have done the bones in my foot no favors. Basically just a weak point with those variables in mind and not to mention the lack of ability to break down nutrients (drug use/medication side effects - reflux and all that BS with a bad diet ... rar rar rar ... also plague my weak spots) ...

Good News - I seem to be working through the pain barrier of breaking the body down for a complete rebuild!!!!!

Now I have myself set into a positive state that is befitting of my soldiering on ways -

I do believe another swim is in order - Seems like an really good activity with regard to easy out that lactic build up and my foot felt not to bad either. How does it feel now??????????? - I think I will walk it out tomorrow and make that day an activity of doing house chores all day - spare it the impact so it can rebuild some for the day after that - Soon I will be gliding in no time.

I think the next two weeks will be tethering all that way with make or break - Sigh .......... Yep - I think another rest day making it an every other day affair with my foot might just be the trick ... keep it to two minute spouts as well with no changes (for at least one week) ... and see what happens there.

That's enough rambling - good report all up ... feeling pretty good all other. Just watch that foot Davy Boy. No weighing until I know I have put the foot issue to rest.

Until next transmission - Seth has spoken.

Now returning to my mortal state. ;)

Cullingford

01-03-2015, 02:52 PM

Evening guys what the hell was that link all about Dave? that poor deluded bloke waving his finger about, I went to one of those things years ago, people talking like Native Americans and Chinese not my cup of tea I am afraid, just attention seeking if you ask me.

Hi ya Jesse yeah I am still about! good to see you too and hoping things are going well for you?, my holiday has been really nice thank you very relaxing. Funnily enough your comment about everyone being in shops! I went into Norwich today it must be two years since going to a city, the place was heaving! how the hell you survive London on a daily basis beggars belief. I will definitely be staying well out here in the sticks from now on bugger all that pushing and shoving. The sky is really clear here tonight so I imagine it's the same with you. there should a good sunrise with you just after 8.

Dave yes that shot is in flickr I dump pretty much every thing in there, thanks for your kind comments. I like playing with those long exposures and moving water, small adjustments in exposure make big difference with the final shot. You never know what you are exactly going to get hopefully a pleasant surprise. I have a cheap ND fader it leaves a terrible blue cast which can be a bugger to get rid off! I suppose you get what you pay for, it's tempting to keep spending money but | really want to wring the most I can out of the stuff I have. Still working hard on the fitness I see, you can see you have lost weight in your face in that portrait you posted well done on that.

Hi Dahila hoping things are getting better for you and thank you for all your kind words and faves on Flickr.

Take care all and hope to see you all soon.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7514/15987982799_ea0dfa4ed0_o.jpg

Ponder

01-03-2015, 04:00 PM

Yep - Nice one again cully ... You should try approaching the local information centre and see if they would be interested in some of you work. You could give it to the for FREE! Can you send me a link Cully - having trouble finding it? I know what you mean about the cast in the filter - mine is like an X - just learn your limits with it ... all the shots your choosing are true rippers.

In the mean time Just sharing an awesome session on the power of Meditation:

Effects of meditation on mind and body | by Ajahn Appichato (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Epfnt3biZZY)

by BuddhistSocietyWA (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6M_EhnSSdTG_SXUp6IAWmQ)

At about the 42 minute mark - he begins to talk about Meditation & Mental Illness. I can appreciate the notion drawn up in this regard, however given the miss diagnosis that tends to happen in such a complacent field "Mental Illness" I worry about the stigma that may come from a complacent attitude towards the use of Meditation with people suffering Mental Illness. I get the gist of the warnings/concerns regarding fully blown schizophrenics, but already I am seeing average disclaimers going up on Youtube Guided Mediation regarding people who suffer depression. Do you get my meaning on the Stigma there? I think yet another limiting categorization already taken out of context - via practicing psychiatrists who say what it good and what is not for the Mentally ill.

None the less - a good point is made regarding how much one consumes themselves with such inner dwellings.

On the whole - this teaching is really good ... even for a Mad Bastard like me. ;)

I'm two 3rds of the way through --- it's long so listening to it in parts.

Going to take my daughter and bub out for coffee, then will ease into that swim. Good morning thus far ... cooked breaky for everyone and cleaned the kitchen.

Ponder

01-03-2015, 06:33 PM

Righto - Yet to hit the beach ... ended up sorting a little area in my open shed to set the scene for a hard core work out area. Now using more weights with additional dumbbells for a quick transfer between the heavy and cruising speeds. I'm also now using a make shift bench made from my sons beds slats and a couple of chairs. this now opens me to a wider range of exercises for multiple body parts. Next I will hang a bar from an appropriate beam and begin the arduous task of back, chest and should work outs via multiple variations of in front and behind chin lifts.

So far, still doing full body compound workouts base on 12 - 20 reps which will slow into the 12 rep range as my strength build. 3 sets with 45 second rests then straight into the next exercise. Heart easily in the aerobic range and sweating profusely ... not as high as my runs ... but still effective if not more for fat burning. Although my early morning walk/trots are rated as HIIT sessions.

Still catching my breath, but just like the other workout 2 days ago ... I can feel the blood moving about and the open air ways in now present in my nasal region is giving my quite a rush. Currently I'm going to disregard the so called 40 minute window to utilize carbs and protein for repair ... the coffee I had earlier I think is adding to the effect I am now under ... Just going to continue with fluid intake and hit the ocean as self prescribed earlier this morning. It was basically an awesome sweat session - not that fussed about maxing out ... although I welcome the additional muscle mass for metabolic reasons.
____________________________________

Hopefully I the swim will help dissipate the lactic acid again built up from such a heavy work out. I respect soon that I will do a two day split with back and chest, or push and pull ... will have to do a quick refresher in that regard.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - Yep ... I think that's about enough motivation there ....... just a few thoughts about going out in public:

My daughter kind of up and left me at the coffee shop earlier this morning. Not sure if I did anything or if she felt self-conscious herself -perhaps bub sitting on my lap or having no pram with us ... not sure ... perhaps it was nothing in particular ... anyways ... I was left there sitting by myself which I did not expect.

Hmmmmm - I simply sat there waiting for my long black in a mug to be served and after drinking up and left. The place was pretty busy ... For the most part I did ok - Just gave one death stare to some tophy nosed prick looking me up and down, but then caught myself in the act and spent the rest of my time staring at a dot whilst drinking the rest of my coffee knowing it will be some time before I choose to have another. I took my cup back to the counter as I usually do, (on those rare occasions I go for a coffee) and left feeling good that the staff seemed to appreciate the gesture.

I think I will go again - It was like a good test of sorts to expose myself like that, and when I am exercising I seem to be able to handle the rush of whatever emotions overcome me is such a tense surrounding. Hard to explain as I know for others it's just another day at the office. It was my daughters Idea to go, but who would of guessed she up and leave like that. I don't drink coffee much of late ... so stuck was my main reason for hanging about. I paid like 5 bucks for the damn thing.
__________________________________________

Now they have gone out, since I was working out in the shed ............ I think I'll wait till they get back before heading to the beach. Not quite sticky proof to be walking home with salt between my legs. Should not of had that coffee ... I'm feel like I've had a hit of SPEED! ... WOE .... shakes head.

Shower and some meditation and then a game perhaps - a little cleaning ... take something out for dinner ...

Don't worry - I'll spare you the bowl movements. ahahahahaahaaaaaaaaa

Whatever it takes to keep moving I guess. Yea!!!!!! Ring up and cancel that damn mundane therapist. Yep can see my wallet from here. What a shame. I'll never forget that one I have back in Toowoomba. She really knew how to motivate me and listen. She seemed to ask the right questions which made me think she was not only listening but was supportive. I was in quite despair then - I still am to some degree, but not as suicidal - can't be like that in the middle of a comeback fitness wise ... but I could easily snap I guess.

>???????????? Mad bastard Big Sal calls me hey. Reminds me of how my Biological father used to speak. Smiles at the thought. Never really knew him much - He did tell me though he never knew how to love as a result from his own upbringing. Thems the breaks I guess. He just be about dead by now ... probably still drinking port ... although I'm betting wee nips. He was good at killing breeding and killing pigs - I always had a vision how I'd love to help him do his thing and learn a few things myself. My wife was not so keen at the time, and the kids were pretty much planted into all the compulsory BS of fitting in. Not that it did them any good as charity cases. I guess that's the systemic cycle of rebirth for ya ... ROFL ... whatever the fuck ya reckon - none the less ... systemic yes! The residual effect of the world pain body ... what do you reckon Eckhart????

Best go rinse off and meditate on the immune system so I can keep pushing. See if I can identify what the Psychiatrists are moaning about with meditation and Mental illness ... see if my delusions put me at risk hey ... I doubt it ... I think my delusions are nothing more than an unique perspective to seeing human fallibility for what it ... BUT - I see too much of it and my filtering system is no doubt overloaded. My selective focus fails me when surrounded by too many people and I become easily drawn to negative influences as I have simply not experienced enough contentment and or dare I say happiness in my own life. Basically I appear to be no more than a Mad Bastard or a Simple Ass Hole who no longer gives a fuck. Hmmmmmmmmm - Damn ........ Narrrrrrrrr ... I could be ... I know I sound a lot like that in here and for sure I have public outbursts, but for the most part ... I actually seek to stay within my own bubble and keep out of others ... But yea - reactive I can be ... still in the purging stages ... BUT - did OK at the coffee shop this morning which was surprising. (very self conscious YES - will practice on confidence though, but have to watch vanity as is so easy to go from one side to the other) Bi-Polar perhaps ... Pffft ... Who gives a fuck ... yet another label to stick and keep my pegged when I much prefer to simply blow in the wind. ARRRR yes ... now there's a goal to aim for.

Dave - The guy that just breezes on through. Yea! I like that. Fuck what anyone else is thinking, although check to make sure I don't step on toes, but what matters is I'm just doing what I was aiming to do. I'll go back next week but order Tea instead.

Righto - Moving on. - twitch - twitch. ;)

Ponder

01-04-2015, 03:06 AM

Story Time: The Dave Cycle -> Once up a time there was this anxious guy named Dave. He was always up and down. This is Dave when he is down (in his 40s):

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/photo-1.jpg

Poor old Dave. Cant keep a job - Does not play well with people - Hates going out in public - Just can't do anything right. Spends most of his time watching the world pass him by using binoculars from his house windows:
______________

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/Dave5foot7106KG.jpg

He eventually read a few books all about self betterment - So true to fashion, Dave does what he usually does to get better:

_________________

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/digging.jpg

___________________________________

Dave's usually pretty good at doing things under his own steam - once he plants a seed it usually grows for the better:

_________________

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/DadWeeding2.jpg

Part 1 to be continued:

Ponder

01-04-2015, 03:15 AM

Part 2 continued:

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________

Dave now appears to have once again turned things around - He has been fighting battles all his life and well known as a fighter:

___________________________________

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/Phase2Shottake2.jpg

_________

But unfortunately his success is always short lived - When he struggles to keep a job, he feels bad about himself and regresses - Dave spiraling out of control:

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/ecited.jpg

___________

Dave tried medication - took anything the doctors gave him - It did not always work out to well - Dave seem very sensitive to meds:

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/Dave-4.jpg

_____________

Long Term - the meds seemed to put him right back were he started:

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/photo-1.jpg

To be continued:

Ponder

01-04-2015, 03:38 AM

Long story short - I've been doing that cycle all my life! - I'll be 46 come the 12th of Feb (not to far) and before I know it I will be 50! - I have no doubt I will as ussual turn back into Dave the fighter - but I am sick of fighting so hard ... something is going to have to give this time around. I'm not to sure just yet - but I figure all my battles have not been in vain - in fact ... had I not tried so hard, I'd of probably been found swinging from some tree and I know I would not of been able to get back up the hill from the position I allowed myself to get to this time down.

Sigh ....... Just seeing my kids get through the system was killing me and then my wifes illness and then my brothers death and then and then bla bla ... I am sure life is not going to ease up on it's surprises for me. -----------------

I guess as well as putting the fighter pick up there to remind me what I am capable of - to spur me on as the pictorial guy I be ... I also want to remind myself, that I can't keep this cycle up. I really need to drop those labels instead of ware them as I quoted so cheesily above in that pick. That's what I mean about people who can't let go of thier meds - like others who can't give up thier smokes because they'll miss a friend.

I'm done with my fucking labels - I really am .......... none the less ... I have to be careful because the truth is I really do struggle and changing my record is going to be extremely hard. Anyways - I've set the challenge ... just going to have to see how it pans out ...

Maintenance Mode is as tough as hell - just prepping myself for it. When the pressure to perform is thrust upon me, I suffer badly ... there are some major welfare reforms coming and it's scaring the hell out of me - the usual response to those of use that can't perform is to be medicated, but that obviously don't work for me ... I think the part about knowing your labels and wearing them well came from a view of jumping the hoops, but I also used to call that living the lie! Living the LIE - drives me crazy and make me want to kill myself.

I'm doing the cycle thing again, and I kind of know it - Good thing is ... at least I am aware of it this time. Outbursts are often attributed to protesting - the more I feel cornered the more I object - the more I object the worse I get. No doubt a lesson in that for me.

I'm not here to pad the ass of others ... I've still got major work to do on myself ... and this here thread be about that.

To be continued ... more food for thought ... I can't keep doing this cycle ... getting to fucking old for this shit.

Until next transmission.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

NixonRulz

01-04-2015, 08:11 AM

You know I only knew of you through the posts we made on the same thread and I thought your perspective was always at least interesting, even if I wasn't completely in agreement

Not exactly sure how I ended up in this thread over the last few days. I have always had a hard time reading really long posts from anybody. I kinda lose interest after a few paragraphs. Probably ADD if I had it diagnosed but I choose not to go that route

I have read your long posts recently here. Gives me a bit of insight of what drives you and the opposite

Maybe I have a better understanding knowing your age, which is just more than a year older than I. I can see 50 on the horizon.

I have no problem at all with my age. Just happy to live another year. I feel like I am in my 20's

Something else that I relate to is your quest for physical fitness. Up to a year ago, I was infatuated with endurance and strength racing. Trained ridiculously long. Looked okay I suppose and felt good but fell short on a few goals and got discouraged and over the last year I work out what would be considered normal.

2 months ago my 14 year old asked what my "50" thing would be. He said that it seemed everyone felt the need to do something big for their 50th. Most choose a marathon it seems.

He told me I should be one the oldest to compete and succeed in some of my goal races I had a few years back. In addition, he wants to do it as well. You have to be 18 to run these races so the timing for him and I fall very close

So here I am training again. This time with my son, which is kinda cool.

Guess that long winded story was meant to say that sometimes I can't find it within to motivate me with some things. And when that happens, I welcome anything outside of me that gets me on a path to my goals

I'll keep reading. The picture story above was pretty cool

Ponder

01-04-2015, 03:06 PM

Nixon:

We need (Edit)-> "not" agree … I understand you have said this several times now – It’s OK – You’ve always had the courtesy to at least let me know you find me at least interesting. I’ll go with that. ;)

I know what you mean about the ADD – a good term to describe something, but no real use after that … – ADD can be such a powerful and special ability and in many cases is simply a natural ability misunderstood in an inactive world.

I’m not sure what opposite you are referring to? My long posts are derived from another yearning to use writing to express myself in the only way I know how – with lots of words … I struggle with everyday language because I see the terms used so flimsily and also because sometimes my strengths can be a weakness which again require me to assimilate much more than the average person.) Some may see that as simple – but in a lot of ways … I have enjoyed harnessing the stamina and also sometimes just enjoy hitting out on the keyboard in whatever tone manifests at whatever time. To be sure … Madness reigns much in places like these --- It often an area I primarily use to dump whatever I need to dump, rather than explode – and in that quest sometime I end up sifting through a lot of stuff I have gleaned from here and there – it clicks and then I receive a little more enlightening myself … although not so often well expressed.

Always nice to meet another peer within my age range, regardless of similarities or not. I’m happy that you are feeling much younger than you are. That always encouraging to see and hear.

Yea – I’ve been cycling with fitness ever since I was born. I was quite the athlete at school. Fitness was an attribute I used to get through a lot of abuse – From elite sportsman, to role model, protector and fighter. I was too simple to be vain in my status and was often dropped without anyone needing to touch me. For all my ability to compete and win … I always felt empty in other areas when it came to fitting in where I felt it counted. Little did I know, just how much admiration I had, but I passed those would be friends off because of my pride. In that respect I guess I was vain. Not because of how I always seemed to carry the team to victory and constant pass the line first – but because I wanted more than I had … I wanted the white picket fence and family that loved me … instead abuse reigned in from all those administered to look after me. Please excuse the rant ... just going for perspective.

Yea – I hear ya on the Marathon Gaol orientated aspects. I’m too negative and starved of social interaction for that kind of think, however … I think it’s always great to have a gaol of some sort. I just don’t buy into your average sales pitch is all. The facts that you might be able to do it with you kid – train with him and all that … that’s a great thing … I might even be persuaded to do it for one of mine if they so choose to build their own confidence with such a route. I wish you the very best with that. I am definitely more of a personal goal only kind of person. I was chosen in my yonger day to compete at State level with Nationals encouraged as my primary goal … Although I knew anything was possible with regards to my strengths … I felt unworthy and quite down within my peers growing up in an environment with much upheaval and constant abuse. Today – all my fitness attempts are so that I can merle breath and sustain the frustration of getting from one day to the next.

But please do understand … I wish you the very best and applauded your acquired state at feeling like such a young chap. That takes a lot of efforts to sustain, regardless of how easy many claim that me be. Good state to be in none the less. Well done on controlling that.

If I can help by picking up my own srry ass and making the transformation into something more hopeful with an inspiring outlook … then that’s great … but as for seeking power through external sources - that’s a grey area my friend. The power always comes from within.

I am glad you like the picture story above – It has most certainly helped me. I had an awesome run this morning, despite saying I was not going to. My body decided it was so pleased with how I have been thinking of late, that it decided to get out of bed once more consecutively at 4:25 am …

So once more – it’s ok not to agree … you don’t need to keep reminding me of that. I get that. Thanks for popping in. I have no idea where this comeback is going to lead … I am hoping it is the last comeback of all comebacks … perhaps I can become a living guide on how to come back successfully.

I have a long way to go … I think I will stay out of the main from this point on actually. You’ll always be greeted with respect if ever you feel the need to reply … in the meantime … read on as you will.

That's why I write in here and not on my own in some diary others will never see. I'm not an I person - although very much been left to my own devices. Devices I now seek to detach. I must remind myself I also started this whole quest with the intention of selling ALL my things. Yet another quest I must keep in check. Much more than just getting fit with my body, although that's a great place to start!

Cheers
Dave.

Ponder

01-04-2015, 04:43 PM

Very Powerful!

Also as if it was written for me ... The wife has MS - lived as a prisoner - segregated - savor my right to be grumpy - struggle with happiness - and above all - I stigmatize myself ... by harping on about the others that stigmatize me.

This is why I choose to celebrate my suffering - :)

or at least trying to!

Milk depression for all you can !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly -> check this guy out!

Dealing with discrimination and stigma

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_zH9qerjJQIts

just an idea for an attitude for some of us to get by ... its not literal. This guys understands me well. :)

It's good for people hung up on bliss as well!

I will try to be kind - to those I find hurtful. Noted & Accepted.

Ponder

01-05-2015, 12:22 AM

----------

... but I do believe I exist to expose the truth:
_____________________

Just to keep perspective on those who hide behind the holier than thou veil:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6voAW_Go5Y

It's hard to convince people of truths concerning these "fraudulent" media driven images of people like Mother Teresa and Ghandi because people cling hard to their beliefs especially if it religious driven. You could put facts right under folk’s noses and they still would deny all this.

Very interesting. - You think such venerable individuals would admit such faults, let alone commit them whilst portraying to be something else.

This is why people put aside accept the BS - because they love what they are hearing - It's how people who claim to be manifesting the tellings of extra terrestrials are able to preach the shit they do --- sounds just so sweet ... "Oh how beautiful" - People stop asking questions and are led like blind sheep.

I don't mind learning from my own suffering (although much of it needless and my take on the Buddhist view still under construction) - but I don't see the point in subjecting others to it in order to teach them something. That's just plain sick. There is enough suffering without having to create more of it. That's how relgion works for the most part ... it kind of relies on it.

I'm interested in some of the teachings as I have linked - but I despise the BS I know exist in that cult as well.

LOL - I prefer commies other pigs and day - they struck out on that comment.

Good Job Pen and Teller - but you Yanks are still the worlds largest threat.

Im-Suffering

01-05-2015, 07:03 AM

People cling hard to their beliefs especially if it religious driven. You could put facts right under folk’s noses and they still would deny all this.

Very interesting. - You think such venerable individuals would admit such faults, let alone commit them whilst portraying to be something else.

This is why people put aside accept the BS - because they love what they are hearing.

David has me on ignore. I want the rest of you, and him when he finally removes the block (or peeks), to realize he is talking here (in the above quote I have edited) about himself. "people", "folks", "vulnerable individuals".

The finger pointing at the "wrongs" in the world ~ the govt, the nation's, the churches and clergy, people (in general), mother nature - all of it...the finger has to curve back and point to the self. All of the "evils" are within the self - projected outward. I have tried to illuminate these projections, that's what I have always been up to. In hopes that light would show the way. That would be most beneficial for this dear soul.

I have been doing this for many, MANY years lol. With thousands of people. And I am older than most of you. A true relic. I am quoted in books, and other materials. I felt no need (and still don't) to have to justify who I am here. I am who I am in my posts. I am consistent.

You think my spaceship suddenly landed on "Anxiety forum" and this is my experimental laboratory? I assure you I have no intention of beaming anyone up to the ship and dissecting their brains. Well, maybe just a few of you.

I believe we are all waiting for that "aha !" moment from you David. We all love you.

FrederickMorone

01-05-2015, 01:11 PM

David has me on ignore. I want the rest of you, and him when he finally removes the block (or peeks), to realize he is talking here (in the above quote I have edited) about himself. "people", "folks", "vulnerable individuals".

The finger pointing at the "wrongs" in the world ~ the govt, the nation's, the churches and clergy, people (in general), mother nature - all of it...the finger has to curve back and point to the self. All of the "evils" are within the self - projected outward. I have tried to illuminate these projections, that's what I have always been up to. In hopes that light would show the way. That would be most beneficial for this dear soul.

I have been doing this for many, MANY years lol. With thousands of people. And I am older than most of you. A true relic. I am quoted in books, and other materials. I felt no need (and still don't) to have to justify who I am here. I am who I am in my posts. I am consistent.

You think my spaceship suddenly landed on "Anxiety forum" and this is my experimental laboratory? I assure you I have no intention of beaming anyone up to the ship and dissecting their brains. Well, maybe just a few of you.

I believe we are all waiting for that "aha !" moment from you David. We all love you.

I think you've been very reasonable. From what I've read of Ponder's suffering, he has suffered at the hands of man in a less enlightened age, yet holds the grudge against God for this.

You can always tell who's in the wrong in a situation by waiting to see who gets personal first. In the case of religion, one always seems to find that it's Ponder who turns to petty and personal insults.

Ponder

01-05-2015, 01:43 PM

Pay very close attention to the following statement:

It's hard to convince people of truths concerning these "fraudulent" media driven images of people like Mother Teresa and Ghandi because people cling hard to their beliefs especially if it religious driven. You could put facts right under folk’s noses and they still would deny all this.

____________________________________________

I'm not here to convince these people or anyone else but myself, These people are here to derail me and convince you. Fortunately people are seeing these things for themselves. The fact that they come in here, simply means they have themselves been disrupted from their own ramblings. That much of the truth revealed here flys in the face of what they themselves beleive in ... especially the gloss that this self professed God suffering would have others lap up.

What Pen and Teller have delivered in is not a projection of themselves or me (The self projection theory is such an old defense/smoke screen - Sigh)- It's clear to see exactly who they are talking about. Does not sit well, when the truth is exposed like that - hence here they are now in my thread banging their own drums. Quite an interesting result to indeed see the resident medium power up his space ship and come land here like that.

As for this other whom I have no idea of - the same pretty much goes for him or her. Less witty to claim a person wrong or right solely based on who is the first to resort to personal attacks. That's how dry intellects operate and use their great powers to frantically fence with words in an attempt to brow beat what they know they can not reason with.

"Your Honor" - "Surely this man is wrong, he takes offense ... I rest my case." Clearly this prosecutor needs to go back school.

__________________________________________________ ____________

Please remove these two fuckwits in denial from the court room and give said defendant the space he requires. Next Case!

Cullingford

01-05-2015, 03:00 PM

The more I read in here the less I understand :D evening all. Hello Dave I just popped in to see you and and say hello and see if you are ok, I see you have plenty of company in here.

All is good with me I have been catching up on some of those million jobs I put off and a few for my old mate. He has got no family it must be hard when you are that age and you have no one to lean on, sadly I think there are too many isolated elderly struggling on ( no offence I.S ).

Hoping your fitness program is still going well and you are reaping the benefits.

Take care and hope to catch up with you soon.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7579/16206701611_93bf83a8d9_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qG8zKR)

Ponder

01-05-2015, 04:05 PM

Wipes the shit from his boot and moves on:

How am I feeling this morning? - Not bad thanks Dave. :) How's that for projection - hehe. Most people who really know me, know that indeed these heart on a sleeve threads of mine are indeed - a projection of myself. People should try it sometime. Very loud at times - but also quite revealing in a way that actually allows one self to discovery what really counts when it comes to genuine healing on a personal level, as opposed to simply preaching to others. Too many preachers in this world telling and not enough soul searching. I do not entirely discount the theory of self projection - I use it often in my own thread and is very much the basis of my recovery.

I'm feeling physically inspired!

http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/w55Xlr2/weight.png (http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/w55Xlr2/)

That's TEN KILOS! AWESOME!!!! The self projection seems to be working just fine thanks. I've a got ways to go, but man ... It sure it good to be breathing again. Choked up on all the BS was indeed killing me, but right now ... it makes excellent fuel to push my into the light where I need to be. The only time that the "I" really counts is when your using it to convince yourself, because other than that - your just kidding others. I hope that "I" can become a "We" but the latter is such a scary prospect that I feel many of us "hurt" ones ... hmmmmm ... well you get the picture. The Dave Cycle then seems to come into effect.

I know I have done very well and or am well versed in taking that above tracker right to its 30 kg weight loss goal - but the psychology behind that comeback needs to find some kind of substance in maintenance mode.

Right now though - I need to invest more in the recovery of all those stressed points - hmm interesting ... perhaps I can utilize the same techniques for both physical and psychological. Whilst the weak point in my foot is niggling me ... I can feel it getting stronger as the burden slowly drops off. 10 kg is a fare bit of weight and a true mile stone! I'm going to feel quite spiff when the next 5kg drops and then WOE - I can almost feel it already. I've just had a thought of my hiking buddy and I lugging around our 28kg packs.
____________________

Ponder

01-05-2015, 04:06 PM

The 28 KG Pack from Hell! by Dave.

Man oh man - just hitting this one out, but truly a significant revelation of sorts comes to mind.

Out to the woods we go - a place to kick back and leave all the shit that's been weighing us down. Ben leaves behind all the pressures of his prosperous business and me still running from myself. But with a good nose for where the shit don't stink, I lead us to an undiscovered Oasis that was literally calling me name. Ben was a bit reluctant at first given the incline and how wet is was. "Nar man, I've already checked it out - been up in there with pack, camera gear and tripods galore" I add to really convince Ben its well worth the effort by adding "Once you get up in there, it will be like pulling a fucking air conditioner out of that lounge room pack your hauling on your back there!"

So there we are, "both" hauling identical packs with an array of things up a steep incline, slipping and sliding as we go. It was a huge effort despite the fact this spot was really not that far off track. Most people know not of the spot because as they hike, ride, jog, walk, talk and go their thing whilst passing, many fail to look up let alone glance through the leaves. What made things unbearable for the most part, was our incessant need to drag so many distractions with us. Ben did no seem to mind the sacrifice as indeed, there was a sense of pride to be had for achieving such a feat. 28 KG might not sound like much, however when trekking through a steep rain forest with alternating peaks, each kilo fast becomes like another ten as time passes by. Then there is the slip factor with hard and sharp rock to both split and shatter ones scull with a 28 kg weight to make good of that possibility coming true. We had to take the packs off in some situations which made the whole ordeal such an unwelcome chore in my eyes.

Upon hitting the location best suited for our hammocks - I look up at the canopy with outstretched arms and figure myself like Jet Li finding suddenly finding himself in a rice paddock (re - movie Fearless) ... Ben laughs whilst dumping his pack but remembering how much expensive electronics he's just hammered into the ground. Up go the hammocks and with the sun now setting, there we both are, still setting up out shit! Kicking back - Ben seems rather happy with out little achievement and although I sense the trip is not quite what I had in mind, I am thankful to see him so chuffed and glad for his company.

There we are with a portable home theater setup in the middle of this awesome rain forest spread - led acid batteries, ultra light lounge chairs, 12V light bulbs, and just about every Youtube high tech camping gear that's every been reviewed. It's a different kind of fun - and whilst It was not really for me ... I kept relatively quiet and again ... wished the best for my friend.

We had done this a few times now, and spent a LOT of money on all these things ... but even for Ben ... as we did more trips and soon stated to learn more things about the other ... he knew he could not sustain carrying so much shit - that we did not need! We now both have a lot of high end ultralight camping gear that we now use for car camping trips more than anything else ... which is still a great thing. It's like ultralight car camping.

Forgive me as I loose sight here - But yea ... The story kind of develops as our friendship during that time does as well. The space in between us and our desire to even go bush to begin with.
______________________________

Drawing from what I know - and I mean no disrespect to my observations of my friend - There is defiantly an ART to sitting under such magnificent trees among such pristine peace, harmony and so much space! The space whilst taken up with a lot of trees, rocks and vines was just so breath taking. You could taste it in your lungs. Sitting on a rock peering down the track seeing passer bys doing their thing, one could not help but marvel at just how cool it was under the canopy next a pure running stream, whilst knowing just how hot it really was on the below track. Of-course we were camping illegally - But Fuck Man Mad Law! No one owns Nature as far as I am concerned and I always hear my name called from within the thick scrub whilst letting others fly on by doing their thing.

I guess that was the biggest difference with me and my mate, although I knew he could feel the healing power of nature and it brought out the best in both of us for the most part. I often wondered and still at times wonder what Ben saw and sees in me, given he runs a very prosperous business, owns many houses and things, yet always on the go to achieve me than what is already gained. He knows well just how opposite to all that I really am. In that regard we are two very different people. I met him in the disability support work field. I used to wipe asses for a living you see. I did much more than just project my opinions in places like these. Ben was my superior.

Long story short - I was sacked for standing up against workers that abused clients ... They went behind Ben's back in doing this, and it was during the overhaul that followed my dismissal via a very well thought out complaint my wife and I put in with regard to the rampant abuse this company was known for ... that Ben decided to give the company a flick - move onto another company, where eventually he could see that same shit going on again to which he eventually started his now said prosperous business in which he makes the rules. I respected him and looked up to him for being the person he was and is in doing just that, and in return he seems to of seen something in me that he in turn respects. Despite our differences we are very much the same when it comes to seeing and standing against injustice. Ben is my only real friend outside of this forum. That I am thankful for.

But those damn 28 KG packs have to go!

Such an irony that we seek to bring so much shit with us when venturing into the bush ... Why we go is slowly changing each time I guess - again, I think the challenge is more how we struggle to think without so much shit around us - finding our-self in a space where no where to hide.

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8490/8220643948_d98d353132_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/dwqX3u)

Forgive the cheesy quote, but I knew I would be using this pic when talking on such a topic (I always do) ... which is why I ask Ben if he did not mind me using it for such a thing. I think what I have tried to share about how I see and feel as an important aspect to be had when escaping like so and also captures for me from my perspective of lugging around so much shit ... how futile it is to distract oneself when encompassed in so much space ...

The thoughts that come are so much more clearer and yet when not so, the peace with which one can let them go is replaced with such relief that one wonders why the fuck we even carry large packs at all, and or even live the BS lives we do.
_____________________________________

That concludes that thought with my 30 KG weight loss goal.

You fuckers best keep the fuck out, because you cunts really have no fucking idea what your dealing with in here ... you can make whatever fucking claims you want ... your projection theory also goes for yourselves. If all I say is indeed my own shortcoming, than it should be of no consequence to you.

I'm here working on myself (Duh!) - so if you have anything else to add - then do it now ... make your peace, but above all ... when you have done so ... Leave me the fuck alone!
__________________

Time for a work out.

Hope my online friends are doing well.

In this case ... Peace as best it can be sought.

Until next transmission.

Ponder

01-05-2015, 04:08 PM

CULLY - just waiting for the thirty second post wait ... only just saw you ... will make cuppa and do a reply just for you man. :)

Ponder

01-05-2015, 04:21 PM

LOL, your a funny chap Cully. :)

They have no cohesion in here and will soon fade like an unclean thought at one of my camping sites. I hear ya loud and clear on the elderly. Sadly not much different than the abuse in the disability field. People are so grand at filling up the "I" with abundance that they tend to forget those around them. It is good of you to acknowledge as you do. People often do not want to face the extent of such issues. He has you though Culy! :)

Is good to catch up on all those things. I am trying and each one I catch up on is as good as losing another KG. Very pleased to here this is likewise for you. Sorry about all the disillusionment in the thread ... but you know the context better than most dropping by. I'll probably be bouncing off the trees in my next bush vid. LOL ...

Mate - I left a comment regarding your most excellent picture there on Flikr ... had issues with the Fav tabs ... but will sort out later. This one is currently on my Dektop. Thanks Man.

The working out as you can see, now has me 10 KG / 22 lbs lighter

all is going well on that front!

Wishing you the very best Cully -

Thanks for pooping in ... most gracious of you. :)

Ponder

01-05-2015, 07:15 PM

___________________
____
_

Cully - I can't stop thinking "Did Cully just download this pic or what?" Very impressive on my Desktop.

Contrast and Color is stunning!

_______
https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7575/15588064284_fc7dca20e1_b.jpg

jessed03

01-05-2015, 11:53 PM

Cully that picture really is exquisite. Like Dave already said, the colours really stand out. And they're so unusual too. It's funny you mentioned Norwich in your last post to me. That picture there reminds me of the colourful market stools they have in the town centre. I hope they're still there. Often I crouched behind them and ate a bag of chips when I lived there. Good times. :)

Have you ever had any of your work used professionally? If not, you should really think about it mate. Some beautiful snaps in this thread.

@Dave: I see your desktops looking nice and minimal. The clutterless life. Can't beat it eh!

Ponder

01-06-2015, 02:53 AM

Nice observation there Jesse :) Indeed ... it has been helping to clean up a bit like that. I still have a long way to go. Its turning out to be quite a chore getting rid of my stuff. My goal is to create a lot more space inside the house with less stuff so that during those times I do feel down and unable to keep up, it will be less dramatic both having to look at the place and also cleaning up will be much easier. There is also the benefit of the peace that comes from having more space in which to think. My chaotic mind has a habit of soaking everything up before I have even decided whether I am going to look at something or not. One way to control that is to reduce that amount of disorder present, which is quite the opposite for some whom seek such distractions to keep them from themselves.

You make me think on something close to my mind now Jesse. Srry if I always seem to turn such replies into whatever ... see what I mean. LOL ... But it's true for me man. I need to clean up a lot of clutter in my life right now. I have let so much build up and kind of been hiding behind it all.

Wishing you nothing but contentment Jesse. You always seem to be such a positive influence in this place. Thanks for your kind words.

Ponder

01-06-2015, 04:35 AM

Freeing Our Minds From The Mental Prisons:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg_FsPEwOB0

____________________
______________
___

This is a long one. I had to download and convert it to (mp3) both change the mono to stereo, get stuff done and to hear it to the end ... using the following link:
http://www.clipconverter.cc/

This way I could do some chores and hear the teaching much better. I could not stop listening. It's been a long time since anyone has been able to make me feel soft enough to see just how much baggage I have been carrying and how blinded I have been. A lot of my ramblings have been like tossing a coin, not knowing which way to go, despite trying to feel my way. All the messages in this teaching seemed to be lined up perfectly taking a little chip of my shoulder every ten minutes right up to the end where I just felt like I had finally reached the end of my story. So much so that I'm wanting to no longer tell it anymore.

That's a real mile stone and I can sense it. I'm not into the Zen culture and actually find much of the rituals and so on a prison for me ... just as I resist much of anyone's message that knows not how to communicate with me. Like many in here. But this guy I have been following for a while now and he seems to know me well. I feel comfortable with how this guy teaches and his message is slowly sinking in.

He talks much about Anxiety, mentions "The Power of Now" Eckhart Tolle, Talks about mental health ... basically he talks much about everything that I have gleaned that means anything to me, and shows me my pain well without any judgment what so ever. The way he is able to not judge at all is quite incredible. I've mixed with killers in prison (Lived with people who have killed people.) and know exactly what he means how society's own fears and treatment of such "people"drives them to kill again. I've ranted how close I come to wanting to kill people and how that rage wells up so passionately in me. How I can understand how a mother cut the throats of her children and so on. How schizophrenics who are not schizophrenics become schizophrenics based solely on others who name them schizophrenics.

Hmmmmmm - Very powerful stuff. The offense that wells in me often consumes me completely to the very edge - yet much of all that gleaning I have been struggling with ... clawing at over the years ... has kept me breathing. The bickering I have myself engaged in and the reactions of those would be challengers who claim whatever is all part and parcel of my own lessons I bring upon myself. I am growing tired and think the message this teacher brings is very much starting to sink in.

By the same token I would advise others not to mistake these acknowledgements as some invitation to swoop on back in my thread here to bestow their confirmations. That would be ill advised and I hope that message is clear.

I don't need to know I am loved with such statements - I just need to embrace myself again as I once did and want to be here! Where ever I find myself, I also need to lean how to be there as well. I think I might actually start learning how to meditate in situations a little out of my comfort zone. For starters - not whilst I am always doing something. I seem to be a natural at doing and awareness - I have been relying on that like I once did meds. This time, I'm really feeling inspired to start practicing whilst doing nothing.

__________________________________________________ __

I leave things at that for now.

Another day done with my self made program still on track - time to get some ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZs .... early rise - 4:30 am ... my routine continues.

My stone is a little softer today - thanks to the monk at above link. ;)

Ponder

01-06-2015, 02:02 PM

One Late Afternoon:
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_

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8661/16030778239_8c25df1d42_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qqzVSg)

________

Another grueling run out of the way, however I did practice wanting to be there. :) - Things are pretty hectic at home as my transformation seems to be challenging others in the household. That projection theory comes to mind but I see it as no reason to feed into it. Will just have to practice on that front as well. None the less, I can see it being another case of how the schizophrenic becomes the schizophrenic who was never a schizophrenic. Just as well I can see that angle much clearer now. I've kind of always known the moral to that story, however being so short circuited and low on self esteem - finding the balance on where something is to be literal as oppressed to metaphoric, and or metaphoric as opposed to literal is something that comes to mind. I've always had a good eye for this kind of thing when it comes to personal feeling ... not emotion ... but not enough healing has taken place along the way. Therefore it can be rather confusing, despite ones genuine intent to fit in.

Something else for me to think about. Have a good day guys. ;)

Cullingford

01-06-2015, 02:56 PM

Evening all 22lb that's brilliant Dave man you must feel so much better getting rid of that lot! I expect to see one of those pictures with you standing in your old trousers holding out the waste band:). That cloud shot is lovely are you ever tempted to save them to use on another shot with a crap sky?.
Thank you both for your kind words on the picture, I have it on my desktop too !:) yes Jesse that big market is still in Norwich I think I am still getting over the shock of that day out. I have to agree with you, it is a nice little city! I like the way you get a really old building pop up in the new stuff and bits of the old city wall are pretty cool.
I had a really nice walk and explore with my youngest son this morning we stumbled on this most amazing tree, I am so easy to please all I need is a tree and I am exited.
Back to work for me in the morning and the kids are back to school bummer!.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7483/16213807441_a8eab65c7b_h.jpg

Catch you later guys

Ponder

01-06-2015, 03:56 PM

Your right, that tree is a show stopper. Perfect in every way. No betterment program needed for that one.

Yea - I'm even temped to draw from some of your pics Cully. Digital editing with your own painting in mind is quite fun and rewarding to do. Been a while since I have thrown something together. Rember this one? :

(https://flic.kr/p/ngkMPm)

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7174/13957100822_b527b5f8bf_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/ngkMPm)

It's a bit hazy, but that's the feel I was going for. Those clouds would go alright in here with a bit of dulling down. Don't ever discount how you can use your skills to impact in other areas. The above is just me taking a snap at the lights in town as we approach the main road out. (you can just see the bonnet of my car stretching across the middle bottom to the right hand corner - very dim reflection of the cars tail lights in front of me - it was in fact a rather dim day at that point and time) The waves are quite dramatic, given they are only about 2 foot high in a bay like area that's usually quite calm. The rest I through together with Google images and some very basic photo editing skills that I'm sure you yourself are slowly getting familiar with.

I think there was a tree I used of yours a whiles back ... might go look for that one as well. Might make for a good break from all the deep though I have been doing of late - I find having a play with some poetry with such back drops is also rewarding at times.

Take care as you easy your way back in Cully - Very pleased you had the break you did and thanks heaps for sharing all those images. Much appreciated. ;)

EDIT -> Actually would you mind if I draw from some of your collection and post the results in here?

Cullingford

01-07-2015, 02:55 PM

Evening Dave of course I don't mind you doing some of your art with my pictures, you did a one with that other tree shot turned it into a woman's hair if i remember rightly. The one with the cars there is very clever! it must have taken you bloody ages to get that looking that good, I don't think it would be at all bright if it was raining that hard.
Going back to work wasn't too bad I was working in a seven hundred year old repairing some plaster, also I had to do some small repairs to a five hundred year ornamental ceiling that was rather nerve racking :).

I did a bit photo editing this evening pushing the poor light room hard

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7480/15602851414_e88fb06b40_o.jpg

I hope you get a chance to to do some art! take care and don't push yourself too hard

Ponder

01-07-2015, 04:56 PM

Indeed it was Cully. I'm chuffed you remember. Can't find if now, but no worries. I like what you have done hear and really glad you are learning to used Light Room. I've kind of changed my perspective with regard to changing the light in a photo - I used to object quite a bit, but now I tend to go the other extreme in some cases, like a probe that utilizes the full spectrum to reveal so much more than we can see with our limited sight.

That's quite an insetting result you have there Cully. Good illustration for Stephan Spielberg. :) - Nice setting ... I love it.

Your job always sounds so interesting. I hope things continue to ride smoothly as the days pass and your just doing your thing again and that the weekends come quick and your enjoying time with your camera and family.

I'm actually not ready for the artwork just yet - my mind is still peddling pretty quick ... although more so spinning down with just intetia now. Might let that settle for ma bit before doing much else.

Having a rest day today - started up some meditation practice and my body has like gone WOE!!!! - you need a day of no exercise Dave - !!!
__________________________________________________ _________

Have a good one Cully.

JohnC

01-07-2015, 06:21 PM

Hey guy's just popped in and and wow some good stuff. I still am not getting email notifications on post.
Really been fighting the dam anxiety but i will spare the details.
Got an interview for a job that pays a lot more with better benefits but it's a stressful job that i once walked away from years ago but if they offer it to me i will take it and bite the bullet ( for my family ).
Pics are awesome Cully.
Ponder keep up the good work, i should be doing the same with myself but i just got it so bad right now that i get home from work and i sit in my chair and stare, pissing me off .
this anxiety.
Peace to all of ya

Ponder

01-07-2015, 07:55 PM

Hi John, nice to see you. Whatever you feel is right for you. Srry to hear your still battling like the last time you said. I only know what works for me, so can't advise much in your case. I'm tending towards secular Buddhism ... but put off with all the debates I seem to see going on there.

Edit ... just go home, was replying in my car whilst waiting for someone...

Just wanted to add, that if your working - I can understand the last thing you want to do when you get home is exercise. Can you exercise at work? Can't remember what you job is or even if you told me. srry man ... what's this new one about your thinking of doing?

I could not handle a high stress job - Never have been able to, but kudos to you if your able to pull it off. (For whatever length of time.)

I wish I could help you John ... best I can do is keep you in mind when thinking good vibes. :)

Ponder

01-09-2015, 01:31 PM

Hi Guys,

I've been struggling with eating over the last couple of days. I actually put some weight back on. Not to worry, as I hold myself accountable and reason why I make this post. I think I got too excited about the exercise, or just got hungry from the exercise, or just gave in with the others eating all the time around me. Something like that, perhaps a little of each one of those.

The important thing is that I have acknowledged it - Today is a rest day as far as pushing myself goes, so will also make it a fast day, with the following days going back to controlled portions sizes.

I'm actually glad I have made this point - it's so easy to slide back down the hill again.
____________________________________-

I managed to purchase some raw veggies and even got some cheap protein powder. No excuses there.

I should keep the meditation up as well - Only big chore today is to mow again. AGAIN ... the grass grows like crazy here. Looking forward to moving, with the next place been giving preference to a small yard. To make things worse - I have to push the mower through sand in certain areas around the house. So much for my rest day. LOL
______

I'm going to try some voluntary work - have an appointment set for the end of next week. I'm under no obligations. I just want to practice being social - see if I can be social. I think the later is a little trigger sensitive but if I can hold my healthy eating and keep my exercise in check, I think I might have the will power to ignore whatever triggers play into my mind and possibly even present myself as some kind of benefit to their cause. If they are welcoming like their webpage suggest, then I should do reasonably well and even come away all the more inspired for having given it a go in the first place. Will have to wait and see.

If it does not work, I am hoping to try something else, until I find something that does. That's the beauty of unpaid work - there is "usually" a lot less stress and people tend to have more respect for each other which makes wanting to turn up to work a positive thing. Again - my main reason is to open my self up and see what kind of light I can let in - or even perhaps shine a little myself.
__

Not much else to report. Oh yea ... I did ring that other place back up ... some recovery group I attended previously, however they spent more time talking about what they were going to do the following week and spoke about everything else but the agenda for which I was attending. I was not the only one let down. Turns out they know what they are doing now and the guy I spoke to on the phone assures me, that there will actually be a focus on discussion this time around and also for the following recovery meetings. The problem is that I need to focus on topic when socializing with people I don't know, otherwise I find it chaotic with too many people all looking to find a point of reference. Typically those that know each other tend to gravitate with newbies hanging on the side staring at the walls and awkward moments seem to follow. Having a point of reference -> like the topic of discussion with a facilitator to keep things moving. That with table and chairs orchestrated to hold the group, pamphlets and a book to follow all makes for a social group that I find much easier to be part of. Even if I don't know the people. Unfortunately last time I attended - the group was all over the place and the main reason I got upset, and or lost control with my own thinking pattern - I got upset when asked questions about employment" and other triggers followed - of curse all my issues, however I did later feedback my concerns about the group dynamics and how my expectation there having been somewhat different through me off ...

Anyways - I will give it one more try and if again the group is in disarray without a point of reference for me ... I think It will be the last time I go to the recovery group. I actually don't mind such discussion groups as they tend to hold my attention.

Anyways - goto go ...

Take care all.

Cullingford

01-09-2015, 03:11 PM

Evening all, I hope all goes well with that job for you John, I used to run my own business but the stress and hassle was too much to bare! when work became short here I just gave it up. The job i have now is much less stress, less money but enough to get by on, it suits me much better. Perhaps if you land this it will be just what you need you know what they say a change is as good as a rest.

Hi Dave don't beat yourself up about putting a little weight back on! you have done so well I don't think a small blip is going to make a massive difference. maybe your body is becoming more efficient ( I really don't have any idea about what I am talking about just a theory.

All is good with me the weekend is here :D so hopefully I can get out and about a bit.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7558/16240714945_73472147e1_o.jpg

Take care guys and don't push yourselves too hard.

Ponder

01-09-2015, 04:55 PM

Nice one Cully. Like the warning sign. I hear ya man, its all part and parcel of the changes I have been making. There will be a few barriers yet where it's easy to give up. Going too easy is often one of them, however I get the meaning for the most part. Simply learning to be kind to myself really helps me to start pushing again, after those times my body wants me to back off. The first bit weight came off fast because of how hard I pushed. I have a good base now, and just need to take it slower now. I won't be rushing the scales anytime soon :) I am enjoying a return of strength when well rested - just need to find that balance yet.

I'm glad you look at your job with the ease that you do. Work is often expressed as some kind of prison by most people I hear talking about their jobs. It's something that they "have to do" or else life simply does not go on. From that comes a sense of bitterness towards those whom either have better jobs, are not so burdened by their job, or simply don't have a job at all. Your outlook in this regard is quite refreshing for me. So much negativity on the social media/media and so on that only drives the stigma of all work related issues to create dissatisfaction in the same way, people simply have to have the latest model despite the previous one working perfectly. Bit like people who have the latest computers, but using old software. People working two jobs because one is not enough to live off. I look at it as a scam and a waste that takes from others more in need. People will justify it with idealistic claims of Choice and Purists of Happiness and so on. For me, it's just yet another peg in our selfish society that is designed to keep us all hung up on something or other.

It does not take me much analyzing to see it like that - and be assured I am not jealous of those who profess to of found happiness with claims of abundance and wealth. My frustrations are slowly turning more to pity. Having not forgotten my intention to live off less as I can, specifically learning to do away with attachments and cravings, yet obviously retain some desire to move myself out of the frustration and also that pity I just now mentioned - to something more helpful for both myself and "others" The later there being quite a leap - but something I know I can only succeed in, if indeed ... I do go easy myself first.

Time to get off this thing and go push the mower through the sand. ;)

Ponder

01-10-2015, 12:34 AM

__________________________________________________ ______
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_

How to deal with confusion | by Ajahn Brahm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lln7FHZv6VQ

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8584/16057128579_0622a5d47f_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qsUYUt)

Picked up my Son in town and we both set out on a journey to find a bit of space. It was a good time and has left a good mark. :)

Ponder

01-10-2015, 04:18 AM

Japan's Naked Island Hermit:
http://youtu.be/ZBtBePnUOZU

This was a good find.

Ponder

01-10-2015, 12:27 PM

____________________________________________
__________
_

This is the road I have been trotting on - Bit late getting up and not really in the mood ... but things usually pick up once I get started ... best go take those first steps now ... catch you on the other side.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7484/16055872630_9985c66a32_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qsNxyb)

Ponder

01-10-2015, 06:51 PM

Don't know if any one checked out the naked hermit living on some Island off Japan - but here is my response thus far. The link is above the last post.

I'm taking notes ... because that guy has so much to offer!

_____________________

The man claims to of had a good job and his father also successful at what he did. I don't buy into the assumption that this man had suffered a horrific child hood. He made it clear why he chose to opt out of society and his supposed traumatic past was not a part of that. I believe his choice to live as he does challenges human behavior period. I sense much denial in those quick to assume this mans decision to opt out of society stems more from a bad experience spawn of his own doing.

This man does not appear to cling to such negativity, often associated with such generalizing of a trouble past. I like how he added to his claim of happiness only a few seconds after mentioning it - that it is more Peace he has found living like so. He welcomes each day and the challenges they bring - He seems to not only be full of wisdom, but actually experiencing and living the many quotes he was so expressing, which is much more than any of us would be gurus/saints/know it alls, could ever hope to achieve in such a selfish up world.

Nope - Denying the message by passing the buck to some "troubled past" does not cut it for me. This guys knows well his reasons as claimed I believe him 100% as I hear his message clearly. I take my hat off to the guy and respect him fully for how he has freed himself like so. As for others also passing the buck to the few dollars he receives - Again - the point sorely missed and more an issue for those looking to deny. This man defines the word efficient, regardless of those that wish to rate him as self sufficient of not.

He is a legend in my book and I again - agree 100% with what he says about society. He left society because it is sick, now he has found peace. Good for him! It's pretty obvious he has dealt with his past - we should be more grateful to hear what he has said and do more to resolve our own as opposed to making those human excuses he so refereed to when apologizing before eating. I loved how he came out with that one. :)

__________________________________________________ __________________

I just can't get over how much I can relate to that guy. He truly is a legend and I pretty much understand how it is that he came to such a resolution. It's also clear to me how his choice to do so also challenges others.

__________________________________________

OK - Got to take the grandson to the beach ... hmmmmmmm

would like to make to exercise notes - some good stuff going on there ...

Also need to make notes on How To Be Positive ...

I can see how I've been clinging to all those bad feelings and so on .... more on that later ...

Best get some more sun ... hopefully no blue jelly fish this end of the bay.

Ponder

01-11-2015, 12:17 AM

Today's early morning run:

Was a little worried on the way back as my upper right ham string running into my groin started to pain something shocking. However, whilst suffering that I was pleased that I was now only bandaging my left ankle and that lower foot/arch now seemed to be taking the strain without as much pain as the last few runs. I manged to stretch out the hamstring and regain control of my run. I must of looked quite a site, as I'm still sporting a spare tire that bounces up front with each step. lol ... arrrr I have to give myself credit for the fact that I am still going despite the agony of it all.

The fact that other body parts are now starting to feel the pressure is kind of a good thing ... if I can just stick it out. I can really see how it is that once some folk going over the hill, that they are unable to come back again. Especially obese people nearing their 50's! I have to pull out every little trick I know to make this comeback happen and then some more to make it the last one needed.

Anyways - other body parts starting to stress out would be my shins, however I think I might have this in the bag if I go the right way about it. I managed to get in a lot of 3 minute bouts with a few 5 minutes and a whopping six minute shuffle! (wooohooooo)

I note I use the word shuffle - the trot is more an ungraceful kind of agonizing push that is more about dragging yourself along whilst attempting to meditate on one body part at a time. lol ... excuse me while I laugh yet again ... Sigh....... BUT - now that other body parts are finally making the painful transformation to support old muscles now coming back to life once more, I am kind of hopeful regardless of the pain I must endure. If not for this transformation I would not be able to maintain my breathing which keeps the O2 levles feeding my muscles to make my runs longer and thus strengthen those support muscles ... at this point ... all those little ones that support my chest wall ... the intercostal muscles - and so many more yet to come back to life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So whilst I am still looking like an old fat man shuffling down the road ... I can see how if I just play my cards right ... the rest of my body will come into play, regardless of all that bulk yet to go. So much pain I could of given up and I'm afraid to say, that in my state ... taking it easy during my runs could very well keep me from developing the strength I need ... however ... I can take it easy by allowing for the rest days, which I play by ear ... I also stretch using the gutter and or whatever raised obstacles I can find ... I care less about what others think and more about nursing my way all the way through into what I must achieve in order to reach those longer runs that will then drop the weight once my strength and grace returns.
_____________________________________

Still plenty of stretching and strapping to go (and on the go) ... but have now gone from one to two minute bouts to three and six minute shuffles.

Now its time to hit the shed and take it easy in there - Today I have no choice but to go easy. I have been struggling with my upper lumber muscles and a tight neck. Not sure of the correct name for these ones, but essentially the mid section of my beck up into my neck is now being felt ... have cramped up somewhat when bending over in the mid upper back - deep inside kind of pain ... but I will go light and stretch it out. I know the exercise that played into that and will skip that one this time around. Same thing as the shuffling ... support muscles coming back to life ... or just saying "HI" ... "Go easy, were're here, but don't spoil it by doing too much too soon - BUT do make sure to use us!"

That's a wrap - I'm still on track and doing what needs to be done. ... looking after number one! Being kind to self!

On that note - I'll think more on being positive in my next post and acknowledge just how much I have been a slave to my pain! (something I can't wait to drop from my exercise routines :) )

Ponder

01-11-2015, 03:02 AM

WOE - what a day! I'm going to have to leave that "how to be positive" post for another time. Perhaps I'll just go for a walk tomorrow whist listening again to the teaching rather than flog myself with another walk/shuffle session. Will have to wait and see how the body feels in the morning. I think I made the right choice with going through the motions tonight though, regardless of my back cramps. Ended up being a good sweat session as well. Feeling really depleted now ... but thinking I should rest well tonight. Will try a mild stretching session before bed.

I ended up paying my son in law $50.00 to mow the yard. They actually needed the money for food! Was good to help them out. That's a load of my mind.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz

Cullingford

01-11-2015, 03:01 PM

Hiya Dave good to see you have been out with your son camping cool stuff! I had a nice walk this afternoon with my eldest I did take some photos but they are still in the camera I am afraid. It's good to spend time with them and listen the years seem to go so quickly, we had a lot of wind here Friday night and through Saturday with big tides. A lot of the marshes where I go bird watching are swamps! it will soon drain back out too sea through the sluices so not a real drama but quite dramatic to see. It all just reinforces how vulnerable we are here to the ravages of the sea! we suffer coastal erosion faster here than anywhere else in the UK.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7502/16256754485_70633452ce_h.jpg

I am afraid I haven't looked at that video of the fella living in the cave I will go and have a butchers at it, his point of view sounds interesting and it would be interesting to hear how he got to that point. On my job! my point of view on work is if you have to do it you might as well try and find some enjoyment in it, you have to spend a massive part of your life doing it why the hell make it hard for yourself if you don't have too.

I still say go steady with all that jogging you must be putting yourself through agony, what about fast walking on the sand on the beach? that must be much less impact on your joints.

Great as always to see you posting pictures here I enjoy seeing them very much! catch you later and I still say take it easy.

Time for my bed zzzzzzzzzzz

Ponder

01-11-2015, 04:02 PM

Erosion hey ... We have some of that English Democracy planted in a few show case/ pretentious gardens in various cities across Australia. I see what you mean about erosion. Nice photo Cully, thanks for the share. I'd think they would do better to be rid of those guns and replace them with actually living things - but some people just can't let go of the past I guess. Perhaps erosion might helps to do away with such ideals. One can only hope.

Yea - it was a good bush walk with the lad. We were scouting for a proposed camp site for our next over nighter. It's been quite a while. Your right - when the kids are young, it does not take long ... before you know it, they become fully grown human beings. It's not so bad though, because it's like making a new friend all other again. One may think they know that oh so well ... but life has a funny way of making you reassess what you though you already know. My kids show my that all the time as the years pass. Just be there for them is all you can do ... if you try to control them - lol ... I know so much better than that; you'll end up giving them more hangups than its worth.

About the hermit - He does not live in a cave. :) He lives on a beautiful beach. What led them there was not so much derived from an assumed trouble past as others are so quick profess whist at that same time in doing so, deny his claim of how he views humanity. It's not so easily understood - the way this man now lives, challenges many of us on a personal level. The hardships he faces on a daily basis, he welcomes ... having said that though ... of course its not a life for everyone and rarely will anyone seek to live as he does. I just really liked the message he had. Nothing more Nothing less. Bit like my thread. He is living the way he feels he must, whilst I chose to write this thread as I must. Each to their own. I remain as accommodating as I viewed that hermit to be. Would love to have a friend like him.

Work - Yea ... You seem to have no issues with yours and your photography and spare time seem quite therapeutic Cully. You seem to be in a good spot and I am pleased for you cully. You have a positive outlook which I am pleased your share with me and others. Very honored my friend. I respect your view on such a topic ... Seems to me your view is working well for you and I think it makes a lost of sense.

I am srry if my views seem out of whack or even disrespectful at times cully - I certainly mean no harm. I think about your job restoring old buildings that are so old, whilst I am coming to see that how living in the past can be such a debilitating thing- Yet - I can appreciate just how much you seem to enjoy doing your job.

Always a pleasure with you cully.

Take care. ;)

Ponder

01-12-2015, 02:52 AM

Exercises Notes: Steady as she goes today. Just a nice slow walk with a podcast on "How To Be Positive" I have my clothes ready for my early morning run. If I can just keep things in check, soon I will once again be able to call myself a runner. My back is still tight, but I think I got that in the bag as well. Food wise, I have not been holding back as I originally planned. Been chewing a little fat actually. :) Body seems to be holding shape quite nicely ... just a little more pain to bear over the next week or so.
_______________________________________

Tomorrow is a big day for the ladies. After my morning run, I have to give my all to my grandson until they have finished the first of many court session yet to come. They should not be any more than half the day - Just one of the resolutions/mediations where you say "NO" - and then it goes to the next level. This session will also be were my wife will gauge the "Welfare" Solicitor (legal Aid). If they are anything like welfare doctors - then there is a good chance we may be dropping her. We simply have acquired too much information (for this worker to assimilate) and found out much that this solicitor has told us is quite incorrect. (no surprise there ->LAZY worker - wants a quick in and out session - many legal aid soliciotrs leave you feeling as though they are prosecutors - it's a crime in itself really) - AKA welfare workers/services ... pretty much the same all over no matter what line your dealing with. Most times your better off doing things yourself!

OK - My wife has all that sorted out ... [Family Law - can get quite messy at times]
__________________________________________________ ___________________

I can't wait till they get home, so I can hook into my weights. It's a good point to get to, when you actually start to look forward to your workouts.

_____________________

I got to say, all these posts I have been making have seen my exercise rage stay at a minimum. I'm really getting a lot out of the Buddhist Teachings off Youtube. Softening me good and proper. I'm even beginning to understand the benefits in believing in something once again. No doubt a grey area for me. The distrust runs deep in me ... but as I said, for whatever reason, the guy doing these teachings I am watching ... hmmmm ... I just seem to connect with both him and the message. I guess I feel safe and somehow trust him.

I don't expect anyone to hit on my links Cully - I'm just weird with the way I open up online with these journals mate. There is a bit of the street kid in me that finds the internet a good place to just be whatever from the street corner. Hard to explain ... I think I will get around to explaining that soon enough. What you see is what you get - It's kind of ironic in some ways, that whilst I feel close to the hermits in this world, that I would prefer to have an online dairy as opposed to one that no one else would read. Whilst I never like being looked at like scum, not everyone looked at me that way when I was living in the gutter - a part of me liked the perspective I once had living in the open with so many people going about their business. I find the internet a bit like that - takes a bit of sifting to find genuine people ... but I guess that's the beauty of it as well.

Broken people are as beautiful as crooked trees - Often birds will favor a tree; not so straight ... :)

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Dahila

01-12-2015, 08:28 AM

Hey I am giving a sign:))
The universe is in us, many people call it *** they do not realize that it is in them. They actually pray to themselves. Is that no funny? It is for me. Whatever is happening we can find the peace and calm in us. It is a hard work but it is achievable. So you taking care of your grandchild?

Ponder

01-12-2015, 01:55 PM

Thank You for that Dahila :) - So good to see you again. I do believe I see the same way as you. It's not easy as you say. Unfortunately in a world so quick to hand out quick fixes ... finding such peace seems to becoming all the more harder. However your acknowledgement there and simply popping in warms my heart very much. I guess I have been praying to myself for some time now. :) I am far from knowing much, I just try to focus is all - in saying that though, I have sense what you say about prayer for some time now. It's a nice feeling to make contact with myself like so ... Simply put I mean ... as I don't even want to get hung up on separating self and I as it's easy to get hung up on that if you don't have the space ...

Right now, my shift with my grandson is about to begin as the ladies make preparation for the first family court battle. We are all prepared. My back is a little sore, but I will get by. My grandson, even when he cries ... makes me feel good all over. Bottles are on the ready, change of clothes, nappies, rusks, walker, bouncer and a set of little tiny lungs to do whatever ... hehehe ... we should have a ball. Only thing is ... I hope I have enough energy left to keep going when the ladies get back :)

__________________________________

Running Note -

FIVE MINUTES INTERVALS NOW! - that's a mile stone for sure. Just have to hold onto that now. I managed to pull off 5 minute intervals for 70% of the run. Something like 5 intervals of 5 with a few 2 - 3 and 4 in between. Humidity was 95% at the start and rained for half the time on the way back. Took quite a bit to breath under those conditions - Temperature was hot ... so was like running in a sauna.

Whilst i bent over to take off my compression bandage - I middle back cramped up pretty hard and I actually thought I was going to be stuck looking like some kind of deformed scarecrow laying on the side of the road. Thankfully I was able to breath myself back into a more common looking figure stretching out his back as I clambered to hold onto a tree. Some more deep breathing and the stretching came a little easier - walked some more and the shuffled, walked some more and then shuffled again - got home and did some more stretching.

Back is the weak point at this stage - need to check the width of my make shift bench, keep stretching and resting.

Until next transmission. ;)

Ponder

01-12-2015, 09:04 PM

Had a good time with my Grandson - dropping the welfare solicitor as expected and making a few formal complaints (Sigh - if only more people stood up for themselves!) When it comes to family law - money is what counts ... Society reaps what it sows in that respect! The byproduct of wealth is only further soiled with the way it treats and boasts to protect -> those who are born into such "poor choices" cough cough. Money Money - Welfare solicitors are about as good as abusive support workers caring for welfare dependent geriatrics. NEXT - NEXT - NEXT - NEXT - whatever - NEXT!

Time for some space ... then into the weights - stretched out my back a little, hydrated some more and did some mild walking with the little fella.

Ponder

01-14-2015, 03:16 PM

Yesterday was pretty much deflated which started off quite tense. Going easy for the next couple of days. Will think of it as my three month congratulations rest period. Only one more day and then it will be 3 months off those damn meds.

For now - I guess I am still weighted down with all this court bullshit going on. I never thought I would have to fight so hard again, yet here we are going through it all again with our daughter. Turns out that solicitor we dumped already has many complaints against her and is known for her Bias in favoring men. Sigh - My issue last time around was dealing with a bias that favors women. Personally I had no time for such gender base hang ups and nor do we now.

I won't go on and on about the case, except to summarize how challenges like this continually come up in life and how as one gets older; Oh how tired one starts to become with such an imperfect world. None the less ... there is a positive outlook to all this. We now have an excellent presentation from the collected notes, investigations and researching. We also backed the other complaints previously held against this solicitor. We made one hell of a complaint and will be following that up. Unfortunately a lot of peoples complaints are squashed to improper format and failure to follow up. I don't believe it should be so hard to make a complaint, but unfortunately ... not only do with live in an "imperfect world" we live in a corrupt world.

Complicating issues though such legalization (using complex language designed like a spider web) has been around for a long time -> regardless of my own religious bias (I'm currently now working on) ... I know enough now to understand the system rather well. History shows how the Bible has been used as a rule book and in that context it kind of makes sense how so many debates have spawned into such long drawn out battles between whatever branches of faith. The thing to consider is how that law book has been twisted, rewritten, reworded, represented and so on and so forth. In that comes mans forth mans true evil nature.

That nature is not just spawn because of the book itself, but perhaps -> more so an evolutionary development in human nature that no doubt is itself mentioned in many such religious texts. Nature of the best that consumes and feeds off pure intellect that seeks out such selfish intentions. Religion - (the very meaning of that word) is what feeds the beast and such selfish desire. Having said that though, you do Not need to be religious to either practice being selfish or being a victim of such negative behaviors. My proposal is that "religion" has become the backbone to such degenerative human evolution and the sickness branches off into many facets of society whether religious or not. Hence my You Tube Name - De Evolve.

To refocus yet again - this can be clearly seen as atheists bicker in the same way as their rivals. It so easy to get caught up in and I myself give in to the pain of my own past in this regard. None the less ... I do believe my attempt in this post shows much clarity obtained through my most recent efforts to cope off the medication, and my struggle to regain what I lost to that quick fix & long term reliance . Both my physical and mental health)

Now I extend this disease to the rife injustice so clearly seem by many of us within this so called "imperfect world" Such a cliche is it not. Very much a cop out in many respects whilst at the same time a hint of acceptance that must come in dealing with such life's lessons to be suffered - which I guess comes back to "The Imprisoned Mind" How we each propose to view the world as we experience it, I guess determines our own reality. I'm thinking NOW (just this second) in this mind set:

I can see how the concept of rebirth is considered a positive tool in humanity finding its way. NOW - I find it hard to "believe in it" or take it on as a "belief" I admit I am still damaged goods in that respect - I have a huge amount of distrust and bitterness still oozing out of me. BUT - and I know I am using a lot of buts here ... BUT ... I did recently say I am slowly beginning to soften up and see how having a "belief" in something can indeed give hope. Very slowly I am giving in to that ... perhaps believing in myself would be a good start ... but you know what (another but there) ... Something in me now wishes to point out ... that I have always believed in myself and is very much while I still breath, and why I now once again strive to stand back up -> It's been more a battle of struggling with my "worth" which has been my biggest battle. A battle many of us struggle with in this "corrupt would".

Sorry lost track - but did make a point on the importance of believing in ones self and the amount of steam (self esteem) one has in order to facilitate moving on. You can believe in yourself, yet remain debilitated from the misconception projected by others from a different point of view. I now refer to the different classes and experiences lived by so many who all have their own lessons to bare, in such an imperfect/corrupt world. We are all so good at pointing the finger, but when it comes to dealing with the root of our own triggers/pain/suffering/prison and so on.

RIGHTO - Skype interruption ... my disclaimer to all the above ... is I more talk for myself ... all the we and if any yous (which I really should avoid) is and should simply be MEs and I's ... but not so many I's as to let it all be amount ME ... lol - Ironies to be sure ... so many metaphors like verses in the bible which can be used to drag us all down ... or build us up ... none the less ... I think its clear to me ... we all this corruption is now being facilitated and how it's spread.

Until next transmission - beelzebub Nanu-Nanu! :)

Ponder

01-15-2015, 02:43 AM

Video Update - Three Months off Antidepressants and Antipsychotics.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8Sx7RPtPMg

Here is a link to the first one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zw3ZI_plKYo

________________________

I'll do another in 8 weeks time.

Ponder

01-15-2015, 03:19 AM

Good News Cully -> I have decided to keep my camera gear. Although I will have to look to you for encouragement now. ;)

Night Guys ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Cullingford

01-15-2015, 10:31 AM

That's brilliant news Dave I am glad you have changed your mind on that score. I will post again later I am just in from work:D.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7543/16261448266_94b327c56d_o.jpg

I feel that lovely coastline of yours calling for your talents to due it justice.

superchick22684

01-15-2015, 10:50 AM

Cullingford and Ponder,
Really love all the photographs you guys post on this thread. Keep up the excellent photography :)

Cullingford

01-15-2015, 02:54 PM

Thank you Superchick it's very kind of you to say so. That is such good news that about keeping your camera Dave I know you still have that little compact but I don't think it's as creative as your DSLR I look forwards to seeing it back in action. I find using mine very relaxing time spent with it is very good for me I just don't get enough time with it :D

This is the river 5 mins walk from my house

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8575/15651490264_8235915688_h.jpg

Take care guys and be good to yourselves.

Dahila

01-15-2015, 08:27 PM

Cully I am going to find it in flicr and put on my desktop, you know that is the biggest complement from me. Just looking at it for day :) thank you Have you upload it to flicr? I can not find it:(

Ponder

01-15-2015, 11:23 PM

Yea thanks for the kind words there superchick. Much appreciated. I think I am doing the right thing hanging onto my camera gear. I don't think I will be in a position to reacquire such gear and will still have a use for it.

Nice shots again Cully ... when time allows, I'll get the DSLR happening again :) Thank you for continuing to share in here as you do.

Hi Dahila ... Hope you enjoyed my video update on the previous page. :)

_________________________________-

In recent News ... lol

My wonderful wife Lisa, found something interesting:

BUSTED -> My Great Grandfather -> Saul Dushmanhttps://farm8.staticflickr.com/7546/16265222426_9fd4cd5484_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qMivXq)

I used to think our Jewish side made its way through Poland, but later found out it was Russian. It's a couple of generations past, but my wife claims the ears, nose, brow and check line is good enough to confirm the data she has acquired. My mother always talked of some famous physicist from America, but never told us he was my great grandfather - He changed his name a long the way for some reason. lol ... hahahaha I'm a bit younger and beefier ... my skull is thicker but may very well shrink when I get older. Most of my background is under the weight of heavy objects, not pens and pencils.

A distinguished scientist that had acquaintances with Albert and Telser ... if anything - it may account for my inability to stop thinking. lol My wife used ancestry.com and paid the extra fee to search oversees.

Just a bit of fun Revelations ... nothing more ... I'm a big believer in DNA memory with respect to past trauma - (studies include Jews and the Irish) - but I also like to think the same for those more positive attributes as well.
____________________________

Over to you guys. ;)

Ponder

01-16-2015, 12:03 AM

I'll just add, through much of research into many lines ... the amount of name changing and deceit it rampant! Shame was not doubt a huge part of that. This is how I found my brothers biological father. It always festered in him not knowing who his real father was ... and he knew it was not as he was led to believe. I don't believe in generational curses, but I do believe in Karma! My brothers untimely death was so in tune with this context I now paint.

Jews are famous for cutting ties - I ponder to think in the shame with that and how negative such an attribute really be. But Alas ... I am all for letting go myself and perhaps is considered the lessor of two evils when one does not know the circumstances surrounding the past ... which is best left in the past.

Can one learn from the past ... something the Buddhists have a hard time believing. I ponder on their meaning to that (and understand the "hang up"), but also consider the benefits that comes from the study of history with respect to looking back in time itself. I have often heard these monks making reference to such studies that include like wise observations and resultant theories that stem from looking back.

I think it's pretty easy to see how discontented we have come when looking back into "any texts" ... but clinging to the past ... is definitely damaging to our species. Just trying to get a grip on the contexts is all.

Still thinking on that subject "how to be positive" - :)

Dahila

01-16-2015, 08:56 AM

"Be positive" finding that photo is like finding someone who was lost :)) Love both of them.
I do meditate and yesterday I noticed that my body relaxes almost on the fourth breath, when it was so difficult to get into the rhythm, after long break. I am not taking the break anymore, it is so calming and I believe it helps me with my health also, which is kind of good side effects of meditation. Meditation has not goal, but you get extra benefits while doing it.

Ponder

01-16-2015, 02:43 PM

Is so good to see you again Dahila.

I'm hoping your feeling better? I am doing 10 minute breathing meditations. I think I will start doing multiple sessions throughout the day. Finding time is something I will prioritize. Your right about the benefits.

Unfortunately I have pushed too hard and my upper and middle back has been over strained. The cramps that I was able to push through when adjusting my shoes on route have no brought me to the floor where getting up is agony. (cause -> running whilst obese - too much too soon - foot fall - and on and on - ) This was yesterday ... I had a bad sleep, but after this mornings 10 minute breathing meditation, I was able to pull off some Yoga moves, specifically for upper back pain.

Whilst I am out of action for what I think will have to be an entire week ... I AM NOW DOING YOGA! ... "be positive" lol ... I'm also back to eating smaller portions. Just between you and I, "I like how my exercise allows me to eat for fueling". Excuses I know. Life goes on. :)
_______________________________________________

Are you feeling any better Dahila?

Cullingford

01-16-2015, 02:52 PM

Evening my dear friends I have been studying the photos of you and and your Great Grandfather Dave it is uncanny the facial features and bone are so similar in my opinion. I love all that family history stuff it must so interesting for you lot with you family's having traveled the world, mine is rather boring we have been in the same village for the last 200 years so I think finding that link with your G Grandfather and the photo is really cool.

Thanks Dahila on your kind words on that picture I posted it and a few others on a private group on FB, for some reason one of the other members seems to find them repulsive and certainly doesn't hold back in telling me. I think I will stay away from there from now on! it was supposed to be a friendly group and the vast majority have been very nice and supportive so that's a shame and has knocked me a bit.

On you DSLR Dave the amazing shots I saw you producing with that were the inspiration for me spending my bucks on getting one, so I look forward to seeing some more of your good stuff.

Ponder

01-16-2015, 05:06 PM

Hi Cully – 1st things first … Good photography comes from the soul; especially those of us that connect so deeply with nature. For me … and I am assuming for you also Cully … that deep connection lingers long after the finger executes the final go ahead with regards to all that contemplation from first intended thought, through setting up and lastly; that last breath. Snap!

Taking those kinds of shots are what DSLRs are all about, and something that helps me with my meditative activities. You already said it cully – “Creative” … I sometimes think the best attribute associated to the subjects we photography cully; is the power of silence!

Sadly, many people in photography today just don’t get that. Many are more on the consumerist side of the hobby. I’m even finding many nature photographers now intellectualizing there results, and in doing so, many negative consequences follow; more so - negative comments.
I can almost guarantee you Cully, that those ones that disrespect your photo’s as they do – they are more caught up with the whole “like & subscribe “ mentality that’s rife in today’s world. They are more about themselves for all the wrong reasons.

No doubt we open ourselves up when we share our photos as we do. Sensitivity is a part of our makeup. Our sensitivity is what makes us excel at what we do. The little sensors in our cameras are the heart and soul of such devices. Our sensitivities are our heart and soul.

It’s no secret how sensitive I can be – lol – Context for and against (pros & cons) is not the focus here – BUT – I do like to protect mine by either taking a stand (as I often do – [often at the cost of alienating myself] -)or simply leaving as you are feeling like now. (re that Facebook group)

I will at times come back after a break and pleased to say that within some groups, the more positive people will reconnect and encourage once again. As a member if the Australian Photography Forum – I have advised those that matter of my “Sensitivity with the Con’s & Pros” – short sightedness may follow for some who tend to generalize and stigmatise, but I find my revelations very much worth it, as it’s a great way to filter out those consumerist souls who gravitate towards those rather dry and negative comments. It also helps to keep one honest and remind them, but more myself -> what matters most.

Srry for the long winded reply Cully – But – it’s something I feel worth trying to explain to you. I still go back to the photography forum at times, but am careful to protect my sensitivities … in saying that though – it’s important that we share them as well. : )

Jealousy can often lead others towards negative feedback as well – My flikr account is quite messy now, but I do know the photos you are refiring to (TY for your kind words and encouragement by the way) – Some of my most prized photos – those closest to my heart were met with harsh criticism in supposed “PHOTOGRAPHY” sites/groups -

It happens in writing as well – people get wrapped up in/caught up with the rules/boundaries and so on – Poetry and much more. For sure there is much benefit to be gained through various techniques of practicing – dry critiquing and many other forms of main stream intellectualizing, however for the most part -> can be quite damaging for many of us more sensitive souls – (often we are born this way – not talking enviro systemics so often attributed and projected with little focus given to the huge positive potential of such awareness; I much prefer the condition to be seen)

You Cully, my good friend – You have a heart and soul that’s quite advance. I’ve mentioned this before as well as another good friend in here. Since you purchased your DSLR – many of us in here have been awestruck in the most healing of ways. Your images always have spot on proportions of light and dark; a contrast that gives both amazing gloss with crispy details and at other times a smooth wash with focus points that blend so softly … I also note a strong point with well-placed shadows, and compositions that give excellent balance.

Now I never used the word “perfect” – because that’s best left to those dry consumerist types – The beauty of photography when done right … is the experience it brings. It can sap us at times and why I have been just using my phone and compact … however … Your efforts have kept my spirits high cully. I meant it all those times I said it before and I really am truly amazed at just how creative and brilliant your work has been … scratch the word work … just the results your photos so clearly depict and also that healing effect it regularly brings.

I encourage you to give some of those groups’ a bit of time and only go back when you feel it is right and or beneficial for both yourself and the others that I know also feel the same as I do. It’s not about the numbers (maybe for some) but I like the fact that we have hear just a few souls that benefit like so. I have a couple following my Flikr account … and even getting appreciation from my less than perfect results. Sometimes they bring my more joy.

Waffle Waffle – I know …………… lol … even a repeated word, what do ya know. Forget the Grammar Nazis, Rigid Critiques, and frustrated ones. Above all, keep in touch with your heart and soul … look after those sensitivities – like the sensor when switching lenses in the breeze.

Go back, only when you’re ready and foster that awesome spirit, that we have come to know as you.

Ponder

01-16-2015, 07:02 PM

With regards to the comparison pic above and also to inconstancies found in family trees:

The compassion photo first. I’m glad you mentioned you gave it some thought cully with looking a bit more than a casual glance. Other than many other factors such as age difference – the way the face can drop with time – bone density – weight – environmental and geographical factors that relate to physical and psychological exposure (my broken nose does not help with the left deviated septum) … yadda yadda; I am a big sceptic and many times will be the first to disregard my own findings. I’ve checked the similarities once more with other photos where I can see the ear lobes and other finer details, but at the end of the day, it’s the information that lends more weight towards the deception or misleading branches within the family tree.

Things like, dates or when photos were taken, compared to the quality of photo (technology used) – clothing depicted – then of course the advent of internet kind of put the rest together. My great grandfather was married multiple times with a wife in Canada being one of them. Dates of marriage certificates have ben cross references with Travel times between countries – also drafting dates for the war down to telephone records and much more have been accessed.

We had trouble trying to find the records for the original Name specified for Great grandfather – My wife then began searching the last name with the only record to original name given -> being one that came up in a phone book that was in the same town as my English grandparents. There were no other records for the original great grandfather first name other than back in New York where we found a link to Saul Dusman who coincidentally has same birth year and death year as the other fellow (whose dates are second hand information not officially recorded). Things such as travel records between England and America coincide with the same times as Saul's trips -> with the death my grandmother’s husband (great grandfather’s son!) –

Rar rar and rar – basically it is the inconsistencies with the original name that has driven us to dig up more records, which all point to the Saul Dushman using the name Michael. There are no other records for Micheal Dushman other than the telephone directory.

Now all of the above is rather speculative, however it all makes for an interesting story – yet to be further investigated through David Dushamn’s (Grandfather) mother side who I believe was over in Belgium. It’s all too much for me at this moment, however it’s given my wife something to chew on, and she seems to be enjoying it. Hopefully her investigative and deducing skills will do wonders in the family court as well court case my daughter is wrapped up in.
__________________________________________________ _________________________
It’s sweltering hot today – going to go for a gentle walk into the bush with my son – he wants to make a survival bow. : ) … way too humid for my DSLR – but will take the compact for now. I’m looking forward to taking the DSLR out soon enough. I want to try some of those slow shutter speed photos.

Until next transmission.
No time to edit.

Again the above is all speculative - I find the unraveling quite interesting is all ... Everything is not as it seems, and who would of guessed the internet would reveal so much.

Cullingford

01-17-2015, 11:10 PM

Hi ya all you have been very thorough checking all those records and cross referencing stuff Dave , in my experience of this first names are a nightmare. There have been lots of inconsistencies with names in records that I have looked at in the past, my Grandfathers are a good example of this as a child I thought there names were Philip and Richard everyone called them that why would I think otherwise! no really they were Andrew and Frederick. I had a Great uncle who went by the name of William used it on documents etc, it was not until I saw him on a census that I found out his name was really Herbert, I am not even sure if he knew his real name.

I still think the similarities of those photos is quite incredible and I am looking at them from an objective viewpoint, It can be very easy I think think to see what you want to see. But I honestly believe you two have to be related or it is an incredible coincidence.

I am up early and was hoping to get out and catch the sunrise but it seems to have clouded over unfortunately, oh well you can't win them all. We are forecast some snow here later so hopefully they got that wrong I don't need that cold wet shit! I need winter over I have had enough of of it.

I went out yesterday to take a few shots and then bloody snow showers came rolling in brrrr.

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8658/16299161371_70bedc1e14_o.jpg

Best wishes to you all

Ponder

01-18-2015, 12:34 PM

Morning Cully (4:30am at the time of typing this) ... Thinking about a sunrise shot, but feeling a bit sore with a strained/sprained back.

Yea, a few generations ago, it was EASY to change your name. I believe it went on a lot, regardless of bad record keeping. Man reasons to change a name when it's so easy. Illegitimacy was a HUGE hangup for many back then. It was like "OMG You mean to say they are not married!" LOL when you consider the huge hang up with couple getting married and staying married these days. Quite the turn around.

I could send you some of the Heat Wave we are having. Some places are now topping the mid 40's (Celsius) Here it's getting into the mid 30's but because I'm on the coast - the humidity makes it unbearable. Very hard to keep a positive spin on things with the sweltering weather the way it is. Not to worry though - I shall think of all that snow up your way. Out of the two extremes, I much prefer freezing to death. :)

Actually - I do believe your conditions are better for our cameras. I have to be very careful not to pack mine away as humidity can play havoc on my gear if I go the wrong way about doing things. I typically leave mine out of their bags when I get home without lens caps on and so forth. The Heat we often get here can also screw with the sensitive electronics. If I leave the camera body exposed for too long under the Australian Sun - it does not take long for the camera to act as a heat sink! I will often drape a hand towel over to keep such from happening. I've seen many compacts affected by heat over here.

Have you checked out any links for cleaning a sensor. I have not done it yet. My camera is getting long in the tooth (by tech terms) - however I am "usually" pretty good when changing lenses as to account for wind direction, speed, debris density, and various other environmental condition during that time. I'm not perfect with it, because ... if you go over board with trying to keep out every spec of dust ... you will inevitably miss a lot of good shots! - I'm just very conscious and for the most part guard my camera's sensor and lens well for the most part.

I think I need to do some basic shots to test the quality of my camera - been a while.
________________________________________

Looking at your photo now cully:

I know what you mean approaching morning shoots where everything else becomes a subject, but the sun. It does not really matter in this shot, as typically clouds with the right amount of light and also spread, make for good impact.

I liked this one as soon as I saw it, without reading anything you had said. Nice directions going on among other things - was just having a play in Photoshop but then it crashed.

That's my morning ramble for now --- going back to have another play with this shot. Nothing it lost with you, when you venture out Cully - always come back with stunners. :)

I'll try my best to get out soon enough - Unfortunately, I kind of did my back in. So typical of me. Dahila was right about going over that edge. I choose to laugh though ... No doubt time to get back into my camera and work on my core another time. ;)

Edit - took me an hour before hitting enter on this post ... got lost in Photoshop.

Ponder

01-18-2015, 02:12 PM

Just playing with the light once more and thinking about throwing my hand as some poetry a bit later. My current condition with my back playing up like so is going to see me needing to fill my head up with this kind of thing until I can get mobile again. Pulling off lens flair is not such an easy task as it's been over done so many times ... none the less .. I had fun.

Thanks Cully - I'll be sure to pic one of my others next time around. You have inspired me to redeveloped some old distractions. ;)

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http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/Editwithafriendspic_zps0e1a28d7.jpg

Ponder

01-19-2015, 04:37 AM

Just a little focus on Meditation coming into play this evening. I've recently been given the honer of having a spot on the "Dhammaloka Community 's Forum". Although, it's not just your everyday forum. You have to use your real name and give real details; which is pretty much what I do wherever I go. LOL - I smile, because there are many benefits with having nothing to hide ... that's the upside to having lived a homeless life or being deemed so low ... there's nothing anyone can really say to put you down any further. waffle waffle ... which I why I am writing in here.

The Title bears a thought tonight on something I have often wondered about. I really appreciate the honer of being a part of this other Buddhist forum, despite the very minor $2:00 fee. I was looking into meditation and did my usual thing with the right click and "search Google for " " " - At first the word was nimitta - and then I wound up with Jhan.
http://www.arrowriver.ca/dhamma/nimitta.html

flick flick - click - click!!! Righto - I find the following link which looks like a good for a quick guide to an in-depth study - perhaps.
http://www.leighb.com/jhanas.htm

I found the following link which I figured would cut to the chase.
http://www.leighb.com/jhana3.htm

So with my notes on the various forms of meditation put to the side:

Anapanasati - breathing mediation ("sati" means mindfulness; "ānāpāna" refers to inhalation and exhalation)
metta [loving-kindness meditation]
body sweeping practice/ Body scan

The last link I gave there, I thought to be a really good article. Something struck me though as I got to the end of that one. This sounds so familiar - I've done this so many times before ... and I have tried talking about it, but not sure i have been able to put my finger on it quite so well as what has come to my mind tonight.

__________________________________________________ ______________________

I really mean no offense or try to play to my own ignorance when I say that I really feel that people intellectualize this stuff way too much and I also have reservations about the possibility of ritualistic dogma having a hold with some Buddhist sects, therefore am careful about what I want to say in there. As in "set in a way" "The only way" "has to be done like so" and so and so ... (that same smell as with the Christians and other religious as it be)

For the most part - the article is really great at helping to set up the right circumstances in which to focus ... and really drives home at the end how one is not suppose to be looking to attain anything ... which is quite ironic with so many guide and debates on how it's all suppose to be done. Not that there is anything wrong with that ... In that light ... the link to this article I am talking about now ... is quite excellent IMO ... as skeptic - pessimist - cynic - and an outright judgmental bias prick, that I can be ... I thoroughly enjoyed that article.

I also loved the part about Smiling when meditation. I thought Bullshit! - ... Jesus Christ , here we go with all that possy wossy BS again. - then the article goes on to explain how I would think such a thought. Priceless!!! Well played I thought ... well explained and indeed I can smile when the need arises. I was dis empowered and all the more glad for it - The reason given is exactly why many of us do not smile, yet it left me with one.

Anyways ------------------------------------------------- How did I come up with the title I have given this post again ....

This poem came straight to mind ------------ Yes I know my good friends in here have already seen it .... it simply comes into focus for me yet again ... but more so after reading this article. It explains very well the method in which I reached said stated of whatever: ( I mean no disrespect in saying that to the spiritual significance that took place for me during the event that this poem is based upon [and many others like them -> to which I always remember eckhart tolle and what I term his "park bench affairs" - this is the aim of the now connection I attempt to explain] - but the basis for how I was able to reach such states is a far cry from the average intellects approach! -> Hence My Title -> Meditations of an Aimless Soul - and the thoughts that follow on from there I pause to think - but first let's revisit this poem ...

https://farm3.staticflickr.com/2853/12424116073_4a561ef4a6_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/jVSQRP)

Quick cuppa time ............ (repeating I know ... but more so leading to a better place each time)

Ponder

01-19-2015, 05:02 AM

A quick poetry explication is clear as crystal for me the connection that burst forth whilst reading the article. Like I am not that great with the rules of poetry and or perfecting the alliteration plus all the other technical methods. My dyslexia or thinking patterns kind of mess things up when I think too much ... I need to ramble and resort thing out days, months and or years later. But far better to ride in the moment ... especially through traumatic times. Kids are so much more adaptable with such change and is often why such phrases as "a child's mind" or "mind of a child" is frequently used to highlight such flexibility.

actually -I leave the explication for the morning .....

I smile again to think how it is that when my body does in fact begin to quaver that my mind indeed attempts to take over ... alas there seems to be some very good advice with the more I learn to make space in my head, how it is that later better connections begin to form through a focus that results in some kind of healing whether known or not - just to get through one more day. Hence a day at a time without worry for the next.

Good night to all that read this text.

TY. ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Dahila

01-19-2015, 08:27 AM

I had read everything what I could read about meditation. I own many books about it. You do not need it. Do your thing and let your mind to show you the way. most of articles and rules on meditations forum is just blabber constant blabber and most people say what they suppose to say. Most of their experiences do not happen. I had been in touch with meditation group but a few years ago I cut all the ties. They do not help me more than I help myself . The knowledge is unnecessary. You know yourself what to do. You get your rhythm, soon:)) good work on poem Dave.
Please, I mean not offense, saying that all the sites talk too much about something which comes to you naturally.

Ponder

01-19-2015, 02:18 PM

I always appreciate your feedback Dahila. Thank You. As someone who agrees with what you’re saying; I most certainly spin out a lot of my own text.

I’ll get to that; however I found your comment about missed experience, more interesting. How right you may be. If there is one thing I am coming to appreciate about meditation, it is the silence and space it brings to the mind. I’ve also been reading a lot how it is that our current society talks more than it listens. I think there is a lot to that and I know I fit into that category. I’m working on it.

I’ve actually started reading more as a result from studying these simple Buddhist teachings. So it is in that light, that I appreciate the knowledge to be gained from such lessons. Going back, to your point on missed experiences; I think the article makes a good point on just that. Specifically in the finishing paragraph:

"But don't expect the necessary concentration to show up anytime soon. In fact, don't go expecting anything. Expectations are the absolute worst things you can bring on a retreat. Simply do the meditation method. And when access concentration arises, recognize it, and shift your attention to a pleasant sensation. Don't try to do the jhanas. You can't. All you can do is pay attention to the object of meditation, and recognize when it's time to pay attention to another object."

I can’t say I have been part of a meditating group before, but I know how most people I have ever known always have expectations, and most of what I have been reading from others seeking such blissful states are no doubt in continual search as they continue to write more about the experience as opposed to actually living them. With regard to the last article I linked, I believe it is very good, because it speaks more about the mind set and actually seeks to avoid such expectation that denies the experience.
__________________________________________________ ____

I started off saying that I would get to the part where I myself spin out so much text. I mention much about the intellectualizing that goes on within many of the places I seek. (I must be careful to recognize that, I too am a seeker myself and very much prone to the pitfalls of expectation) Much of all this text I type, I think best to put under the category of the self-projection theory. I myself struggle with analyzing everything around me. Much of the things that pain me in others no doubt are frustrations I struggle within myself. So on that note, I should be more careful not to judge others. I do not know what they are really thinking. I can only assume … and or … simply recognize the dangers/pitfalls from my own experience and use that “self-projection method” as a tool for my own good as opposed to damn others. In that light – I have no problem when others are quick to use such corrective phrases on me. I embrace them.

Pain and Suffering – comes to mind. I know we think a little differently on this subject … and I have been listening to a Monk talking in context how it is that “we do not learn for our past” “we only learn from the present” I don’t know it like the monk is teaching it – yet - and deciphering that context will require me to “listen” yet some more.

I need to take Note – listen and in doing that, I will also need to focus somewhat and no doubt as a seeker … I will reflect using words as much as learning the skill of listening. My baggage is quite the load and I don’t figure they will drop until I stop searching and start being. So it is that I attempt to change my perspective from evener hoping to learn from by past, but more share it in a new light as I have done with my poem.

My poem goes to show that the least worthy of all, have the largest capacity to experience warmth in the least “expected” of places. It’s all those “terms” we are quick to use … quick to justify that we need in order to label and asses … dependant on the severity of suffering and oppression comes the severity of clinging and victimisation … You are quite correct about the less we word our way through such pain, the more natural the answer seem to well within – but what an art it is to learn … for those who’ve lost their way. The addictions are strong … human nature seems destined to be far from metta … which is why it’s we must be vigilant in our efforts to meditate in the first place.

…and there it is … I just used one of many terms (metta) in the Buddhists language … Right there I see a hang up with how people cling to all those terms and fall victim to the intellectualizing that comes from that – YET – NO – I think it’s the intent with which we learn … that really counts. Just like when I flinched at the mention of smiling when meditating (in that article) I resisted – in that same way that was explained … I think I see more about the intent and also the misconceptions that ensue with the way we cling to such views.
__________________________________________________ _______--

Righto ---------- no doubt I have lost myself somewhere in all this.

It’s been said before by Nixon I believe – “I think Ponder to be a spiritual person” or something to that affect. I believe that is quite right – and perhaps it’s more about that then the actual process many people take mediation to be.

When I account for the brainwashing and resultant crossed wires in my head – the damage is quite significant … I now even see disclaimers on meditation regarding the mentally ill. Go Figure. That topic has been on my mind quite a bit. I have to admit … my racing thoughts continually bring all of what I am attempting to speak, yearn and seek to bear in one go – I struggle so much to find space when in certain situations which I am sure many in here no too well. For me, up to now … it has in fact been quite debilitating and is reason why eventually some professional pegged my as unemployable and yadda yadda … then comes some spiritual teacher who alludes to why I struggle to let go of all that … WOW ---- So many irony’s that hit hard with a hammer in my mind – the stigmas that hit even hard and so forth …

I’m up for the knowledge, because I want to be free – yet I have so much out my front door … working to keep me in prison … that I pass onto the intellects (more so societies professionals/elites – whom be more victims when viewing the state of the world – but to what end … I need to drop that view as well – I’ll be dead soon at any rate.) … because thinking strenuously as I now do … is something I can’t pin on anyone else …

It’s for me to practice … to find that space in a shrinking world.
_____________________

WOE – chuckles at this would be morning post … did not even get around to that poetry explication. All good things in good time I guess. Just going on the fly. To me it feels good to write as I do. I sometimes find irony in those who seek to polish every word. I understand and will eventually practice mindful writing. You can be sure, the new forum I joined will help me with that … as in assist me to help myself.

The ladies are back to court today, so my shift with the little fella is about to begin.

Have a good day all.

No time for edit – maybe later, maybe not.

Ponder

01-19-2015, 02:29 PM

Not that I want to cling to my label/s or others imposed labels - but I still feel a sadness at how stigma continues with misconceptions about warning meant more for the severely mentally ill. that I'm now seeing disclaimers passed around with simply depression on them with regard to meditation ... which no doubt shows just how poorly understood what the practice of awareness really is.

Because I am rushed for time - I just cut and past some notes about the so many disclaimers regarding meditation and the mentally ill:

________________________________________________

Notes Unfinished ....

Terms
Anapanasati - breathing mediation ("sati" means mindfulness; "ānāpāna" refers to inhalation and exhalation)
metta [loving-kindness meditation]
body sweeping practice/ Body scan

I’ve been off my anti-depressants and antipsychotic medication for about 3 months now. In that time I have made a big effort to exercise and eat healthy which has helped my greatly. Before I came off the medication, I spent a few months tapping off the doses. It’s actually been a six month process to this point I now find myself at.
I was on medication for only a few years, however this was more than long enough for me to learn whatever from that experience. I do not want to debate the use of medication for mental illness, however I am would like to discuss the many claims I am starting to see popping up over the internet, regarding meditation and mental illness. I can’t help but feel a new stigma could arise that might see would be participants/clients/patients/brothers and sisters or would be monks and nuns turn the other way at the mere suggestion – “mental illness need not apply”

Perhaps that’s taking things out of context and playing into my own Bias/Sensitivities as someone that carries whatever labels, more so for others to peg me. Unfortunately whilst some disclaimers will at least use the terms “level of severity” I am now seeing such warnings “don’t try this if you suffer from depression” I must admit some of these more generalized disclaimers are more for guided meditations on YouTube as opposed to your everyday Buddhist Breathing meditation and or Compassion and Kindness meditation … however what’s stats at the top, has a way of making its way done the chain. Bit like the watered down version of mindfulness being used to great benefit in the mental health sector.

Again, I accept my own resistance to the notion of something that begins to smell like stigma, yet I fear it won’t be long before they say “if you’re feeling anxious, please don’t try this at home.”

Ponder

01-19-2015, 05:53 PM

________________
____
_

Something I Googled and think appropriate at this point I now find myself:

__________________________________________________ _________________________________

I know we have to part for now
But our paths will cross again.
I know we’ll see each other someday
I just don’t know where or when.
But we have had some great times
and our memories I will treasure.
You have brought me happiness
much more than I can measure.

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/Bye-smiley_zpse63965fe.png & Thank You!

JohnC

01-20-2015, 10:56 AM

Hi all, i have not read all the post that i have missed but i did see some awesome pics. I am still going through the interview process with this large corporation ( like i am applying for some top gov. type job or something ) I feel bad that i am not on more helping others or just staying in contact but my stress and anxiety are at a all time high and it's all i can do just to get through the day's. Hopefully it will subside after all this interview crap is done and if i do land the job it will be a good thing for the family but very stressful for me. I wish PEACE for all of you and i will check in later.

Cullingford

01-20-2015, 03:09 PM

Evening guy's sorry to hear that stuff is being so stressful for you John, that interview thing that you are going through sounds like a nightmare! you had better get that job after all that hassle.
Dave I love the poems I am utterly useless at stuff like that, to be able to really express thoughts and feelings into poetry must be a wonderful gift to have. I have to go back and read! it seems like such a long time since I have popped in here.

What you did with the lensflare, I had a pop at it as well with the Gimp It didn't look half as good as how you did it yours was much more subtle and I think with things like that subtlety is vital. OMG yes the dust! funny you should say that Last weekend I finally bit the bullet and ordered the whole kit to give it a clean and man that's long overdue. It was pretty bad when I got it but now it is really shitty:eek: so fingers crossed I can manage to do this without fucking it up. On the temperature yes you have far more extremes than us it never gets really hot and humid here we always have a nice sea breeze coming off the north sea so summer is no problem. At the moment its been just below or about freezing point, it doesn't seem to be a problem for the camera and the air is really dry here when it gets that cold as my poor cracked fingers are proof of.

How is your back feeling now? ouch I think anyone that has suffered with that in the past can empathize with you as to how painful that is! I hope it's on the mend. I hope that goodbye post doesn't mean that Ponder is off for a wander? if so I may finally do something that I have failed to do in all my years of marriage and get the last word in!;).

I thought I would finish with a picture! John this is a proper Robin :D take care my friends and hope to speak to you soon.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7550/16328789635_8033af9c5a_o.jpg

Ponder

01-21-2015, 10:39 PM

Hi John, you don’t have to read anything in here. Always happy to just see you pop in. No obligations here whatsoever. Totally understand with the need for focus where it matters most. I had a break for just a couple of days for the first time in quite a while from here and it felt good.

Hey John, a friend of mine got my on to watching “Live Free or Die”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzAcHNYeiEw

I only watched a bit of episode eight … but going to start from the beginning a little later when I have time. It looks interesting for a good discussion with my mate over the phone. Unfortunately they have laws in Australia to stop us living like so, and I actually think that way of life is also going to be cramped in the near future as corporations take over the job of synthesized resourcing and nature subsides. None the less, I really love the contrast between each of the people living as they do. A much better watch than your average “Survivor” show where the outcome is rather dictated by the TV corporations.
Anyways Mate … great to see you again and look forward to hearing how things go – try not to expect anything but aim as high as you like :)

Ponder

01-22-2015, 12:00 AM

Hi Cully, I saw that pic on Flickr and thought – “Yep, Cully’s got those birds down pat!”
I looked around for some lens flare tutorials for GIMP. There are some, but they look a little more time consuming than Photoshop. I thought the same when sourcing for Light room as well:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7nSucheyOQ

Can you confirm for me, that you typically use GIMP and Lightroom. I used to have them installed on my desktop to learn this kind of stuff, just for the purpose of giving you feed back. Little innovative tools like lens flare and others like them can really help to bring out more of our creative side. I use Photoshop for my post processing. With regards to Photoshop – I can basically pull any tutorial out of a hat … so if you ever start thinking about Photoshop … let me know. I’m getting pretty good at installing that now.
Yea – cold and dry seems to be ok from what I have heard as well regarding camera operation. The only thing to consider there is condensation when going from cold to warm … like coming in from outside or putting your lens into a warm bag … I normally leave my bag open so the temperature change is slow thus avoiding condensation build-up.
______________________________________________

My Back, Thanks for asking. I really did a number of those and the other little muscles supporting them. When I cough or laugh with the little fella, it still hurts. Its going to take another two weeks to fully heal.

I’m OK with it though, as it’s yet another lesson and I’m rather keen to watch my eating and also deal with my moods in relation to comfort eating and so on. In that regard … I believe I am starting to understand the importance of a well balance mind over relying on my old methods of throwing myself into the physical exertion/exhaustion. Lol
So despite putting back on some weight … I am look forward to when my back is good again as I know I will my next approach will be a lot kinder to myself. : )
I will start using my camera again (a little bit – or maybe a lot) - My son has been keen on Hiking and I have been sorting out different packs. I am looking forward but not with too much anticipation -> to prep for my first solo overnight in the bush during the colder weather. In the meantime, I shall look for a nice place to setup. I now have a bow saw and ponder mindfully how I will go about using it with minimal impact. I would like to make a bench and table with a frame to support a tarp and or my camo net for both shade or rain protection … A little spot I can frequent often and something my son will remember helping me with.
LOL – about last word Cully …

My resignation is in with regard to my past tellings … in as much as I am now only interested in dealing with now and doing more elsewhere.

Ponder

01-22-2015, 03:51 AM

_________________________________
_____
_

Just toying to come up with an idea for a new poem. Breathing.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7537/16152146828_9b78d4966c_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qBiYw9)

Cullingford

01-22-2015, 03:05 PM

Evening Dave I got really lucky with that little Robin I was moving my chicken fence and I think he thought I was doing some digging, he kept following me around so I had to get a few shots of him. Its cool you have being doing some artwork with the photoshop again, I often consider getting into it. I was given a photography book for Christmas a lot of it has to do with photoshop I would like to be able to work through it, I had a look at that lensflare tutorial in lightroom to be honest I wasn't very impressed with her final result even before she started the tutorial.

On the condensation issue I see your point! perhaps I won't go out with it when it's below freezing but the light is really nice so perhaps temptation will get the better of me;). To be honest I got this to use, if I fuck it then so be it I wonder how many is these cameras are brought and barely ever used. I had a crack at cleaning the sensor this evening the vast majority of shit just blew off and it all seems to be good.

The hiking sounds like fun I bet you have a real nice time have to talk more on that next time.

Loving the Artwork very smart hope to speak soon.

Ponder

01-22-2015, 04:44 PM

Hi Cully. Thanks for the kind words.

About cleaning the sensor ... Cultivating good practice towards prevention is much better than repeatedly touching the sensor. I'm sure you understand that principle.

Make sure you have auto clean sensor on in your menu. That way when you start up and shut down your camera, the sensor will perform an action to assist with dust removal each time you use your camera. With respect to cold weather - allow your equipment. lens and such to cool down. As an X avid Hobbyist Astronomer, "cool down" was the key to reduced condensation and actually better performance in cold weather. Try using the lens hoods - and allow cold air into your storage bags whilst out in the field. With some precaution, you should be better off than me using mine in hot humid weather.

There are some tips online later that I can have another look at.

I PM YOU regarding Photoshop.

Cullingford

01-23-2015, 03:01 PM

Thanks for the PM Dave good advice above I can definitely see the advantages of changing temperatures slowly, it makes a lot of sense.

I had a crack at lensflare in Gimp only a very quick go at it.

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8563/15727927804_ed35b275dd_o.jpg

Nope I don't like it :D.

Catch you later guys

Ponder

01-23-2015, 04:49 PM

______________________________________________
_______
_

A good trick to get more control in gimp , might be to "add a layer" Make it a solid (color it black) maybe ->rastersize it ... -> screen it -> then add the flare to that layer.

That way you can fade it in a out without affecting the background - you can use filters on it also separate to the background and there will be no need for making selections and so on.

__________________________________

If you don't understand that ... Not to worry ... If ever you eventually get photoshop happening ... that kind of thing will become a new language to you. A lot of photo editing software that do things quickly for people, tend to automatically add layers ... learning to do them manually on heavier programs such a Photoshop (mind you I think you can still use them on some light programs - its just when you become reliant on auto fixes you miss out on the learning is all) will give you a better understanding of how the editing process works. Once you get more indepth knowledge you will be better able to adjust the outcome with a lot more variability.

Now all that shot needs, is an alien space craft descending through that patch of bright light. :)

I do like how the clouds seem to fold away under the light on the views left side there.

Ponder

01-23-2015, 05:01 PM

My view on the use of lens flare - subtlety is key ... although depending on your intention impact can work if there is supporting subject or theme.

I like the presence of those reflection balls (I believe they call them "bokeh") You typically on get a few following a straight line/path that shows the direction of light.) The color may vary ... (temps) ...

I feel the bokeh gives a sense of presence ... like a actually standing behind the camera ... helps some viewer feel as if the image is bouncing of their own eyes. Of course - there are good ways and bad ways to implement these things. Directional lighting should be considered - among other things.

Ponder

01-23-2015, 05:48 PM

I'm thinking I might go back to Macro Shots like the following one I did ages ago.

Not sure what subjects - whatever comes my way I guess ... I was out meditating this morning with my pack on the beach - I opened my eyes and thought about how I might use the camera once more to go about meditating like I used to. Just not many bush walking places around here is all. There is off track parts I go to, but will wait till it's a bit cooler as the sweltering heat is just not something I want to put my camera through right now.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7211/7049602157_1773fb8771_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/bJX47M)

Cullingford

01-24-2015, 03:13 PM

Evening Dave Love the flower shot that's really nicely done I hope you manage to get to do some more like that. I bet you have some really lovely flowers over there to use as subjects as well as interesting insects.

I agree with you on the lensflare definitely subtlety is the answer when playing with this stuff, I had to laugh about getting a space ship in that picture :D sadly I don't have a space ship so I had to do a meteor :).

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7451/15738050413_d5be03fc3b_o.jpg

I went for a really nice walk this morning up river it was a positively balmy 6 degrees after the last week or so I was cooking! I had to take my hat off phew. I spotted a Peregrine falcon and got a shot in.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7304/16357981185_314ee41fa5.jpg

I know the picture is not up too much! but I have never seen one before and I was so pleased to get a shot if it, it doesn't take much to make my day. The sensor is lovely and clean now, to be fair it was second hand and there was a fair bit of crap on there before I got my grubby mits on it.

Catch you later Dave I hope you find some more lovely flowers when the weather cools to a reasonable level.

Ponder

01-24-2015, 09:20 PM

That's the ticket Cully - Good skills to have. A great way to add to any picture that's lacking or simply to make an illustration for some kind of topic. I like what you have also done with the bird ...

Man the weather in this region really sucks ... and with regard to wild life and fauna ... it's like living in a desert. Not much in the way of parks or garden and no bush-walking tracks except one that's about 40 minutes drive which cost $$$ in fuel to get to and fro.

Forgive the lack of bubbly ... it's just that where I am at the moment is pretty much swamp and very steamy ... it's quite a chore to go out and find a flower to be quite honest.

I'll acclimatize I guess - There seems to be no winter ... which kind of sucks even more!!! I like the cold ... perhaps not -4 Celsius ... but I would prefer that over this heat and all the biting insects.

MY BACK is feeling better today ... so that is good news ... starting to walk again ... lol ... back to scratch again.
_____________________________________________

Going to pack my bag for a morning walk into the bush - Trespassing of course! Like I said ... No bush walking tracks bar the Mountain Biking track that requires walkers to be ever alert and jump out of the way if a bike comes your way. ^%$# that ... I like to relax, so I'm choosing to cross over into either crown land or someone else ... that's tomorrow morning's trip. Only thing is I will have to watch the snakes that warm up on the suns rays at that time of the morning ... but I would prefer that than having to put of with people tearing around on their bikes. Nice and slow tomorrow morning :)

Love the pics man - hope all is going ok at work and also with the family and all.

Peace out ;)

PS - really like how the lighting on the moon suits the picture. Nicely done!

Cullingford

01-25-2015, 02:49 PM

Evening Dave that weather there sounds bloody awful to be honest and I can understand how it would be getting you down. I would much rather have it cold and dry like it is here at the moment you can always wrap up and get out, at least you are not sweating with every bloody step. We are really lucky here with all the footpaths and rights of way I think it stems back from the days of pack horses, right behind my house is an ancient road which has overgrown into a path I can get on that and disappear for hours along paths, that still doesn't stop me from doing a bit of trespass when I feel the urge to go exploring.

I would have imagined you would have acres of wilderness around you to go wandering off into! I can certainly understand your reluctance to walk that bike track you can't relax thinking a bike is going to come flying up your bum at any moment. I had a good wander this morning and managed to get some shots of those lovely little Goldcrests again, they are so small and quick I was pleased I managed to catch a couple of half decent shots.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7460/16364834471_a2feb8c0e2_c.jpg

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7332/16365658062_310c400a19_c.jpg

So all in all it's been a good weekend for me with my camera, I am so glad i got all that shit of the sensor. It's good to here your back is starting to feel a little better I hope the climate sorts its self out soon I keep thinking spring is just around the corner so autumn is on it's way for you.

This Swan flew straight at me it nearly hit me I felt the wind off it as it flew straight over my head! :eek: I was glad he didn't shit himself as he passed.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7435/15746588933_4e09acc5c1_h.jpg

Ponder

01-25-2015, 11:50 PM

Hahahaha - They say it's good luck. I hope so, because I WAS shit on not so long ago. Nice photos cully. Really pleased that your pulling off such great shots. It really is an experience hey.

I manged to get out this morning and I hiked right into the state forest. As far as I could go for a morning session at any rate. I was so pleased with landscape on the ridge, that I have already started making preparations for a town night stay.

First I show a pic of Australia to remind people just how much of a Desert this place really is:

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/Australia_zps410e4591.jpg

Ponder

01-26-2015, 12:19 AM

I think more people should zoom out to remind themselves just how much green is really lacking in the world! I'll zoom back in just a sec. Australia is known to have some of the oldest trees and plant species in the world - we just don't have much as people think we do. I grew up all other the place, but for the most part I got to travel through some of the best forests in the world. On the coast where I am now - it's pretty space with much of the tree line rather low and very scrubby.

I do a better pictorial of the larger coast line latter - but it you Google map Australia yourself - you will see that the dark green patches only cover a small percentage of the east coast ... much the same on the western side as well.

The following is of the immediate area I live in -

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/StateForest_zpsef85d94b.jpg

I started on the mountain bike trails - but thought *^%$ that shit, crossed the main road and followed a forestry road then not happy with the gullies I went down into - I made my way up a ridge ... I just uploaded video and will link shortly:

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/HikedIn_zps794a6852.jpg

It was quite an effort making my through the scrub - but when I got on top of the ridge ... I was extremely pleased!!! I am used to the more woody bushlands of Australia further inland. Getting up on a ridge should of been on my list of things to do when I first moved here, however have been bogged down with so much stuff and was on all the medicine. since my head is clearer and the meditation is working ... I seem to be thinking a lot more straighter. I'm going to set up a good spot up in those woods ... but as you will see ... it's going to be quite an effort.

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/Offtheaccessroadontopoftheridge_zps459b9668.jpg[/URL]

I'll install Google earth later to show the terrain more. Something I need to do at any rate. Getting lost is not hard to do if you don't get acquainted with the place. You only have to walk a matter of 50 meters on dense branches to loose your way.

I link the video shortly.

Ponder

01-26-2015, 12:29 AM

Video Update: -I'm exhausted Cully - here is the video link:

Might be boraing towards the end as I get lost finding my way back ... my mate wanted to see how thick the going was. I Skype video called him form the top - we have been a round to a few places ... but rarely find good telecommunication signal for him. He needs full time connectivity to run his business while away. He was impressed with the ridge line as I was. Nice healthy trees with minimal widow makers (falling branches that can kill) - Has a breeze in any direction given its one of the highest points in the local area ... is not easy for most people to get too --- lots of dead wood that can be used - If I do decide to bless a tree and use it :) - The quality of timber and how straight many of them be is quite useful ... It's accesable ... can be dropped off or park to stock pile water, which is what I need to do for my plans in the next couple of days ...

anyways - here is the link . ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Video Update
http://youtu.be/VKAxaq8t9WM

Ponder

01-26-2015, 12:52 AM

To add to the video link above -

Two snap shots I shoot - I emphasize the word "snap shots":)

Facing in line with the ridge:
https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7295/16370658845_5731364060_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qWBUwH)Walking the ridge line (https://flic.kr/p/qWBUwH) by L_Plate_Dave (https://www.flickr.com/people/71988794@N08/), on Flickr

Facing off to the side where the hill descends down to the track:
https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7451/15750676303_c97f782998_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/pZQkjx)Top Ridge facing decent (https://flic.kr/p/pZQkjx) by L_Plate_Dave (https://www.flickr.com/people/71988794@N08/), on Flickr

Ponder

01-26-2015, 01:05 AM

Lots of these - we also have LOTS of poisonous snakes ... but so far I have kept a good eye, been careful to be heard/felt - and avoid breeding seasons and high activity times of the days - more so sluggish times as well ... always looking for the suns rays in the morning and evenings where they then tend to sun.

Heaps of these all through the tree tops - I've also been keeping an eye for snakes in trees ... last time my mate and I actually did camp out ... we came across a snake in a tree only about a meter as we walked past ... not all tree snakes are harmless either ... every step should be taken with care, however ... with proper knowledge and picking your times ... I try not to let it consume me. I don't take the low statistics as something to ignore the danger as I have to remind myself, how many people do you get walking through the scrub like me? NOT THAT MANY - so I'm not relying on those odds ... I'll be looking to cut in a track if I go more regular.

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/BushSpider_zps80f6a858.jpg

Who's joining me?

- would be good to have someone put the compression bandage on me if the need arises. :) - If it's my time, then it's my time. I'll just ring my wife and let her now -> when that time comes. So much more peaceful out there than down here ... and it's also exhilarating to be up and moving under the trees ... not the stuff that we, would be gardeners plant among the concert and roads that line whats left of the planet. - on that note ............

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz z

Ponder

01-27-2015, 02:19 PM

_____________

Gone Bush!
___________

Ponder

01-28-2015, 01:04 PM

----------
--------------------------------
Today we harvest wood.

The weather could not be any better. Excuse typos. Using phone. It's overcast and soft rain, but with a cool change.

Time for the lad and I to make some work for ourselves.

I will check out flikr when I get home Cully. Just had a quick squiz. Nice gold colors.

Will check in later ... peace.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7292/16202645548_a8806b0051_b.jpg (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/16202645548/)
Jesse's bedroom (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/16202645548/) by L_Plate_Dave (https://www.flickr.com/people/71988794@N08/), on Flickr

Cullingford

01-28-2015, 02:19 PM

Evening Dave the video was really good :D I love to go exploring in the bush. I am so pleased you have found such a good spot to go camping and trekking, it seems to have it all privacy cooler air and places to launch a drone. I hope you manage to get some good shots with the drone it's always good to see footage from that, my Dad is also a big fan of your Drone stuff so he will be very interested to see that as well.

I hope you have a really good camp out and the cool air and space invigorates you. It was really good to hear those birds nice one.

Ponder

01-28-2015, 06:49 PM

My son left already. Just soloing it from here on out: srry cant chat- thanks Cully ;)
https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7325/16390407211_7ff4012b1a_b.jpg (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/16390407211/)
Building a rest area (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/16390407211/) by L_Plate_Dave (https://www.flickr.com/people/71988794@N08/), on Flickr

Ponder

01-30-2015, 04:13 AM

Cully - thanks for your kind words. I'm kind of in recovery mode. I really got to stop taking more than I need!
....and lifting things more than I can bare ............
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Cullingford

01-31-2015, 02:41 PM

Evening Dave I hope the camping has gone well and you have had some good space and peace to get your self refreshed. You look like you have got your camp well organised I quite fancy a trip up there myself, I bet there are some wonderful birds up there in those trees.

I went for a nice walk this morning! the sun came out for a little while as well which was a bonus. There was lots of birds about and I got a real good view of a weasel which was nice. The weather is still really cold it was chucking it down with snow when I last looked outside, which makes your camp look even more inviting.

A shot of the Weasel

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7284/16223980488_9e4e885eb6_c.jpg

Hope to find you fully refreshed next time we speak.

Ponder

02-01-2015, 04:05 PM

Now that is really something Cully. I have never seen one like that before. Best looking subject of it's kind I have ever seen. The subjects you capture really inspire much of what most of us take for granted. Keep sharing man - everyone loves this kind of thing. Really enjoyed the moon shot. I might have a go doing some more moon shots myself.

The warm weather will come soon enough Cully :)

I got out and manged somthing different myself - I share you some of the Light ... some quality rays coming your way!

I actually to go now - as I would love to talk more about capturing the light ... something I am going to research a bit more.

The red represents the New growth on the outer edges of the tree. There is so much more captured in that light - the shapes and much much more.
This is a natural lens flare - its not computer generated.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7304/16235364900_d169cd865a_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qJEumu)

Srry I could not stay and chat ... catch up soon :)

Peace Out.
Dave.

Ponder

02-02-2015, 02:50 AM

Here's the original:

https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8652/16238714430_e27b6c15c0_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/qJXE41)

Cullingford

02-02-2015, 03:02 PM

Evening Dave, It was good to catch up with you the other morning:), I like the light catching experiment! I wonder how much more is there that is invisible to us. I am soaking up those rays very good of you, the sun shone here nicely today the only trouble is the heat setting seems to have been switched off. It is really nice weather to get out walking you can wrap up and if you start to get cold you can always run around and flap.

Thank's for your kind words on the Weasel shot, it's so nice when something plays ball and sits still and gives a chance to take it's photo. Why anyone would want to hunt with a gun when you can do it with a camera and no one gets hurt beats me.

I managed to get out yesterday for a short while, we had a lot showers heavy ones! the clouds were pretty extreme, I am pleased with this shot and am glad I dashed out between the showers.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7303/16392702156_00661589ab_o.jpg

Ponder

02-04-2015, 04:23 AM

I wonder how much more is there that is invisible to us.

Very good question. I think will attempt to see on my next meditation. LOL

Dude! AMAZING - Spectacular PHOTO!

"It's probably asking a little too much, but if I could just have the right recliner with that perspective, I would be content to sit back and simply die under such a view!"

_______________________________________________

Getting up early for my first bit of Voluntary work tomorrow. Don't mind admitting, I am feeling a little worried about hierarchy and all that kind of thing. First sign of conflict and I think I will toss it in. Its Meals on Wheels. The problem I think was choosing to start in the kitchen. They refer to the cooks as Chefs - that's the first thing that made me wince! Chefs think they need to yell and scream.

I smile to think that I will at least give them something to think about, as I just quietly disappear as the first sign of such behavior. I'll offer up driving about for them at any rate - before heading off to the next voluntary position. I don't mind giving it a go, but I am not going to take shit or support such dogmatic behavior. I much prefer cooks to chefs! Anyways - making judgments call way to early.

I'm starting early, so will know by lunch tomorrow just how clicky Vs open this group really is.

Night - ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz

Ponder

02-04-2015, 12:30 PM

Takes a deep breath -> we shall see what capacity I have this morning. ;)

Ponder

02-05-2015, 07:00 PM

Have been very busy - wishing you well and anyone else that pops in for a visit. Looking forward to coming back where I can make some time to just relax.

Hope your next pic does just that for you Cully See you soon - in your own time. :)

Ponder

02-06-2015, 05:53 AM

___________________________________________

The heart of the path is quite easy. There's no need to explain anything at length. Let go of love and hate and let things be. That's all that I do in my own practice.
— Ajahn Chah

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7311/13892648098_c048420e5b_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/naDsgu)

Who is Ajahn Chah? I don't really know, but it sounds about right to me. Once you take out all the BS from the equation peace quickly comes to mind real quick. I sit here now and again -> draw from an image I shot in the past - yet that combined with the online nature radio paying smoothly in the background help to keep me in the present.

Herein lay the issue with people telling others to love themselves - I'm all for letting go of both it and hate. Please do excuse me as I sit here in a rather tired but open kind of state. I don't wish to explain at length but simply just let my thoughts come and go. That ocean up there has both all my pain or the past and everything that's left. I miss my brother very much, he was all I had left. To be sure I have my wife and kids and whilst I could look to all the crap in their lives - I only seek to instill the peace I now wish for others who have to suffer this life. I feel for all those who subscribe to happiness under the illusion of money, places, and things. I feel for those who do not understand me and wish to brand me.

What is Love? Love is yet but just another thing, something to which we cling. The how is it that we can have compassion without the pit fall of love and other emotions that weigh us down like so. That is the question. I guess it's the essence of that unconditional love so often preached from an aspect that would do so much better if it sort not to control. Such a screwed up world we live in with so much crap that floats.

These are the thoughts that come to my mind and also the ones I let go. ... I miss ya bro. If life goes on, I hope you sort the riddle to ending these cruel cycles ... if not ... then all the more peace I take in receiving that. Truth is, I'll never really know - On that note - I will think good thoughts for both of us ... You once admitted you finally understood why I was so angry ... and whilst you caved into insanity towards the end ... I remember well how it was that I told you I was done with all the dogma - I was done with all the religion ... I'm sorry if that broke your heart ... I know it was hard to take. I know that oh so well!

The imprinting endured through all those years - all those years of devotion only to see the truth from such a rejected position - brings to mind a hard core phrase:

A phrase that gives new meaning - "Through the eye of "the needle" - Not so easy after all hey. The cost was huge bro and still is and will forever be. If only camels did come out of such things - alas ... no matter bro -> those that claim to love as they do ... fail worse than those they reject - they hand our nothing more than charity ... I Remember your busted tone well ... remember how we used to hug after those long spells. I'm doing my best to pass that energy back to those who hate so well ... minus the psalms. No us, no them - No Love , No Hate - yet No indifference.

How to have Passion without love yet without lust! Now that's a fucking question. lol - and I think I just answered it.

Its a struggle to be sure ... just as those who can not comprehend living without love ... I can tell you there is a reason in nature that the birds let go so easy of their chicks ... it has just about killed me watching mine go through the mill ... now with a grandchild already chipped. Letting go of all those emotions that have us cling as they do ... those things that make us cling ... are what drives the abuse. hmmmmmmmmmm -

Just letting it come and go ... to be sure ... its time to just kick back now bud ... time for a hot chocolate and let the vibes gel. I know you'd like those headphones Bro. Well mate ... I think this be the last word I have to say ... I let go of the others when you made way. I actually hope to kind of let go of all my others in much the same way ... although I'll be on hand for them as long as I breathe.

This here be me going easy on myself - you take care now ...

Adios.

Cullingford

02-06-2015, 02:53 PM

Evening Dave, sorry for not posting for a while I don't know whats happened this week it seems to have rushed by without me even noticing the passage of time. Thankfully the weekend is here again and I can take stock and have a bit of time for reflection, I am hoping to get out in the morning and see what wild life is floating about. The weather forecast is dry for tomorrow so that should be nice I hate waking upon a weekend to rain or fog.

How did your voluntary work go? was it as bad as you were concerned that it would be? I am hoping it was reasonably good at least.

I am glad you liked the photo! I had to laugh at you sitting down there in your recliner chair! I can see your point it is quite a nice spot, sadly a bit too close to a busy road to be very relaxing although the birds down there don't seem to mind the traffic at all. I am sure I could find you a much better spot to relax at peace in.

That's a lovely shot of the ocean you have there, very calming! you always seem to make the sea so inviting, it never looks that good here.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7424/16243322860_856a1d0b33_o.jpg

See what I mean nothing about that makes you want to dive in is there! there are some people who go swimming in there every day, I am surprised more of the idiots don't die of heart attacks brrrrrr.

Here's hoping all is good with you! and hopefully I will be lucky enough to stumble on some interesting stuff in the morning and have something to post tomorrow.

Take care Dave and hope to speak soon

Ponder

02-07-2015, 02:09 PM

I generally don't like to swim in the ocean ... The mass fishing has driven the shark to come in closer. As a result we have been getting a lot more than ussual shark attacks of late. I like the rugged and jagged look there with the rocks. Reminds about the reality of the ocean and to life. All too often we forget ourselves in this place and spend to much time changing things to suit us.

Love the Cirius clouds. I think that's the term, I checked out wiki and also think those are classified as "cirrus uncinus " Makes for an interesting read actually. Something about resultant from atmospheric pressure. I think I got a few thin and wispy clouds floating in my head about now. lol

Its a really nice photo Cully and I can see why it's been Favorited multiple times.

Also saw your more recent ones as well ... Amazing shots!

___________________________________

The voluntary work went well thanks. Forgive my reluctance to mention it. I have been really tired from the men's group before that, then that voluntary work, straight after that my wife and I went for counselling which was really good ... but it's all catching up with me now. The counciliig is about living with our daughter and grand sons (little space in the house - high maintenance relationships / tense circumstances with legal and other BS the system requires which ultimately tears people down) yadda yadda

SO - that's why I have not been so keen to go on about the Voluntary work:

I struggled a bit - but mostly with knowing what to do. I got frustrated with not being shown and simply being left there to work it out myself. I told the guy that I think I am in the wrong place ... that I understand if he does not have time to show me and that because I could not to the work if I did not know how, that I would simply just be in the way. I thanked him for what little time he had and was about to leave ... then he changed his tune and started to show me, understood who I was again and then things seem to go on well from there.

It reminded me about the story of my daughter who's employment case manager sent her to work in a bar. They threw her a bar towel and told her to work it out herself! I've on gone on about how people don't have time. This is a classic case of it in the work place and it kind of triggers a lot of kids low self esteem. I'm glad my daughter just walked out, but saddened that she was unable to speak. She has been walking in and out of most challenges since. We both have.

Back to the voluntary work - As you know - My back is kind of fucked ... it was very much so by the end of that shift. Other than that, I did enjoy getting out and actually got along with people that seemed to be more peers than anything else. I had to ring back and thank them, however explained about my back and asked them if they had any other positions. Seems I have a good car and they could use another driver ... so will give that a go. If no good, I will continue looking until I find my spot. :)

I've been working on some Computer Literacy info/cards for the mens group. I also got other things to do but have not been getting them done. My healthy eating has regressed back into poor choices and binge eating. The house hunting for my daughter is starting to make me depressed - knock back after knock back. They are extremely judgmental in this country when it comes to rent. People greet each other over here by first asking what job they do and whether they own their own house. We are all demoralized somewhat in this house and its hard for me to hold the others up as I try myself.

I successfully rang medicare myself and organised another 10 therapy visits for this year - in the process of doing that I learned exactly how that system works and going to make info cards on that. Knowing how to change therapists, exit, order your paper work and keep a track of ones claims and so on is quite a chore and reason many of the hard cases don't often stand up for themselves. I want to show the other guys how to do it, so those that offer such services are at least accountable by way of clients up and leaving till they find someone who really cares! That's actually more important to me than the computer literacy - but I help with that too.
________________________________

Come to think of it - there is so much needles pain and suffering out there with a system that only diminishes peoples ability to function, it's actually made more work in the mental health sector than would otherwise of needed being. A lot of these suffers are quite able in most respect (very much so) they are all just overwhelmed with the extra nonsense that is required to breathe. It's taken up valuable space, needed for more important things ... like actually really living as a human being. People just won't leave others Be ... always out to pull each other down, always out to prove themselves - always trying to outperform and out shine each other. It's an aspect about the men's group I see very well in others - BUT - it's also a good place where I can practice trying to be and help some others. Just because I am getting a reasonable grip on seeing all the chaos and finding ways to deal with it ... does not mean I am above it. I'll find ways I can help, and grow at the same time. For me, its far from Loving Myself - My perception is a little off to the side than that one - again - not higher - just off to the side where I can see a tad wider. It'll happen for anyone that has endured and lived long enough. No worries - still some fresh air to be had.

I'll support my wife to chase up some more sessions of her own. I have been quietly hopping for that. My duaghter is much better off with us than out in the cesspool of a world where she is simply beaten by both the system and those that live in it - For each day that passes under this here roof, is another that my both my daughter and grandson are better able to develop. There is a lot more support needed to get through all that legal mumbo jumbo.

Today - I reaffirm my healthy eating and get back on my feet. The falling off the wagon scenario is bound to happen under such tense living - my acceptance of life in that is what makes the air OK to breathe - If I BS myself and only look sunny days ... there is too much of others that I will be leaving behind. Unfortunately we live in a world that sells such sunbeams and joy, does little to simply give it - people are quick to off compassion on the surface, but at the end of the day, it ends up no more than mere charity that spins the big wheel. I do my best to learn more about compassion that's real - compassion that heals. For now - I advocate that it can only come through helping others - no doubt forgiving as well.

Peace and all that.

Keep on shooting Bro. ;)

Cullingford

02-08-2015, 02:52 PM

Evening Dave it was good to chat earlier. sounds like things are a bit hectic with you. I am pleased the work placement went well and someone bothered to help you out and show you the ropes, shame about your back I hope the driving thing works out.

I have had a good weekend the weather is warming up here the birds are getting busy and you can feel spring just around the corner, I really look forward to the days chasing butterflies through the wild flowers. It's going to be great not to have cold hands and feet again.:D

This mornings Sunrise you have already seen the sunset

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7329/16471316112_3a1f02c3b7_o.jpg

I also Had a good time shooting the Highland cattle that keep the grass mowed perhaps you could get one for your garden.

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7323/16465998805_86880983f7_o.jpg

Here's hoping things pick up for you soon! also anyone else reading just try and let the shit go.

Dahila

02-08-2015, 03:59 PM

hi guys, pictures just breathtaking, I love the buffalo.
Dave small step, take you father that huge jumps :) U will be back in the healthy routine soon. I happens to everyone from time to time........

Ponder

02-11-2015, 01:14 AM

Hi Dahila, good to see you. Thank you for your comment.

Beautiful Cully.

It been hard keeping up with things -

will have to catch up when I am feeling more energized. Just cruising in slow gear for now - currently into Minecraft!!!

See you all in a few years I guess. lol ... Just kidding ...

I do need a little break though ... voluntary work again tomorrow and did the mens group yesterday with some therapy in between that.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz

Take care guys.

Ponder

02-12-2015, 01:16 PM

Made 46 yesterday ... still breathing, but more than happy to see the end of this world. I sincerely hope there is no next fucking life!

I don't mind the coping strategy to these various spiritual teachings ... but I'm kind of over the whole "one must be more" mentality.

I can understand how it is that people go out looking to end their lives. I truly do.

Again - my thoughts are with the girl that fucking idiot of a police officer killed and also to her family.

Ponder

03-04-2015, 01:19 AM

First up ... I hope this is like sending up a beacon that sets off an email alert there for you Cully! Hows the photo's going there mate?

I really have been submerged in another reality that minecraft has facilitated rather quite well. It's been like three months now with my daughter and grandson living in house. I kind of had to put all my recovery plans on hold as the changing dynamics in house, court case, house hunting and yadda yadda eventually made my wife's MS act up and so on and on ... Now getting ready to move my daughter into a place.

So other than all that - I have remained for the better part, under control off the antipsychotics and antidepressants. As already mentioned, I let my healthy eating and exercise slip due to a lack of energy and focus whilst sustaining the change in dynamics in the home. I did however keep up regular attendance at a peer group to which I may be facilitating some computer classes for a few folk who would seem to benefit from such a hand. I decided this would make for a better voluntary effort on my part as opposed to joining another's "system" of work. That is to say, I did try doing some voluntary work, but found much of the same regimented and money orientated focus that keeps me from participating in today's workforce. It's not the work - more the frantic drive in which commercialism dictates how we interact that I can not work with. It does not have time for me.

I was not happy rushing from house to house after dropping off each meal. I wanted to stay and give more in the way of time and and especially an ear. No doubt, the meals have to be delivered like air must be breathed. I rang to advice that position was also not for me. Will see how I go offering up my own services under my own steam as opposed to working under someone else's.
__________________________________________________ ________________________

I will contribute ... but will do so under my own direction with a desire that is driven from a purpose I own ... not one driven by another. Everything seems rather far removed from it's initial mission statement despite the well intentions of whatever organization. It's so hard to keep positive with so much else that dictates how services actually provide assistance to what is often told/sold.

Anyways - the group meetings have been doing me well for the most part and I am happy to help those who need it most. As long as I can stay clear of the employment trap - the "earnings" - It's not for me anymore. Once that kicks in - just like with the ways things changed in my home of recent - the dynamics completely change and expectation gives way to my otherwise attainable routine. You end up working to live as opposed to actually just living. One is rife with anxiety that judges others to no end, whilst the other gives meaning to the word "being" as in Human Being ... instead - these days ... we are mostly chasing our tails, wanting to be something other - somewhere else - somebody else with more bigger and better things.

___________________________________________

By tomorrows end I shall be rid of my telescope! ... After we move our daughter into her new place, my wife and I will return ridding ourselves of more stuff! I have basically sold everything I feel has put us at a good point to survive. We can now just give stuff away instead of squeezing out every red cent. To be fair, much of it really is needless crap and whilst may be worth a lot to someone else ... it really is just like unloading more attachments to someone else. I am not sure I want to weigh others down like so. I'm kind of mindful how I get rid of some of this stuff. People can also be very greedy and I don't like the feeling that comes being around such folk.

-------------

Anyways - I think my chips are about done ......... is good to have written. I look forward to refocusing my efforts on some kind of mind body recovery once more after I have helped my daughter move out. My wife really needs help too. It's taken quite a toll having a baby in the house once more - re her illness and all. None the less, it was good to be there yet again for one of the kids - I think they have learned and grown from it all as well.

That's a wrap ...

Until next transmission .... ;)