sufferer1
12-03-2014, 06:57 AM
Hey guys,
this is my first post here. My sympathy to all of you who suffer. I just want to ask for help from you. I’m 18 years old male. I’ve been suffering from severe anxiety for about half a year. It began with thoughts about death and severe stress, which eventually got me into a panic attack and a dreaded circle of fear, stress, physical sensations and panic started. After discovering Paul’s book and reading it, I felt immediately an inner peace, though it didn’t last long because of my sensitized nerves. I already established a worrying habit, got into avoidance, developed hypochondria.. It was hard to change my behaviour at first.
Right now I feel I’ve made a big progress, most of my physical symptoms are gone (expect for headaches and tingling in feet). Though one thing that seems to strike much harder than ever is depersonalisation, derealisation, obssesive thoughts and racing mind. I literally got the leftovers of anxiety in my head. Also my biggest and only fear at this moment is that of going crazy.
We’ve been studying mental illnesses in my school (yeah, right, the worst topic to be digging in in my current state of hypochondria, worrying the worst and anxious thoughts). So after I’ve read about schizophrenia (the word itself gives me chills), I began obssesing about it. I can just lie in my bed doing nothing, and because my mind doesn’t have anything to work on, I come back on those thoughts. I get hypervigilant, scanning for every sound, every black or shiny dot in the corner of my eyes (which I get very often, and blurry vision, and feeling like suddenly there is light switched on in the corner of my eyes) and I look for the slightest sign that I’m going mad. And when I actually hear something (which I can’t explain or it is just plain simple as a TV from my neighbour) I freak out, panic, my vision and depersonalisation gets worse, further fueling the fears. I know my fears are irrational, but as you most likely know, fear is right now the most powerful emotion for me. I even got that far as to do not display any strong emotion right now, because I’ve read that it can trigger the illness. I also got in the age where it might show, so it added to my fears.
To clarify, I have absolutely no knowledge of any mental illness in my family and even distant relatives I know. I’ve never abused any drugs, only had weed three times (once I had a panic attack because of severe derealisation, I didn’t know it was weed what I was smoking so I had no idea what was going on with me). I also never ever had any hallucinations, heard voices or something like that. I have had anxious personality for a while, like since I was 12 years old. I think I might’ve picked that up from my mother, who is herself an anxious, overreacting worrier that does not handle stress well. I also didn’t tell my parents about my suffering. They wouldn’t understand, I also didn’t felt confident enough to do it. My father is not very talkative, he keeps most of feelings for himself and shows only the detached, strong personality.
Well, I fear that if I don’t have the mental illness now, I secured it on myself in the years that come, due to severe stress and crazy anxious thoughts that seem to pop up out of nowhere, stick in my head and scare me. I have my whole life in front of me and I fear very much being locked in an institution, detached from the people I love, from doing things I love. How do you guys handle this fear, this irrational thought of anticipation? Also I don’t know if it’s important. I already had depersonalisation in my life (i think only once or twice), probably after suffering intense stress during the time my parents were fighting.
Lately I've been feeling really dull, empty, dead inside, almost can't feel any emotion. Also my panic attacks have left me (I think for good, I just can't panic anymore). I also seem to have stopped having racing mind, only intrusive thoughts remain. I almost want my old feelings of dread panic return, because now it feels really wierd when I don't have panic or anxiety attacks. I also read about some changes in my brain leading to mental illness, is this the case? Am I finally going crazy? :D
I would really appreciate any response from you. Cheers :)
this is my first post here. My sympathy to all of you who suffer. I just want to ask for help from you. I’m 18 years old male. I’ve been suffering from severe anxiety for about half a year. It began with thoughts about death and severe stress, which eventually got me into a panic attack and a dreaded circle of fear, stress, physical sensations and panic started. After discovering Paul’s book and reading it, I felt immediately an inner peace, though it didn’t last long because of my sensitized nerves. I already established a worrying habit, got into avoidance, developed hypochondria.. It was hard to change my behaviour at first.
Right now I feel I’ve made a big progress, most of my physical symptoms are gone (expect for headaches and tingling in feet). Though one thing that seems to strike much harder than ever is depersonalisation, derealisation, obssesive thoughts and racing mind. I literally got the leftovers of anxiety in my head. Also my biggest and only fear at this moment is that of going crazy.
We’ve been studying mental illnesses in my school (yeah, right, the worst topic to be digging in in my current state of hypochondria, worrying the worst and anxious thoughts). So after I’ve read about schizophrenia (the word itself gives me chills), I began obssesing about it. I can just lie in my bed doing nothing, and because my mind doesn’t have anything to work on, I come back on those thoughts. I get hypervigilant, scanning for every sound, every black or shiny dot in the corner of my eyes (which I get very often, and blurry vision, and feeling like suddenly there is light switched on in the corner of my eyes) and I look for the slightest sign that I’m going mad. And when I actually hear something (which I can’t explain or it is just plain simple as a TV from my neighbour) I freak out, panic, my vision and depersonalisation gets worse, further fueling the fears. I know my fears are irrational, but as you most likely know, fear is right now the most powerful emotion for me. I even got that far as to do not display any strong emotion right now, because I’ve read that it can trigger the illness. I also got in the age where it might show, so it added to my fears.
To clarify, I have absolutely no knowledge of any mental illness in my family and even distant relatives I know. I’ve never abused any drugs, only had weed three times (once I had a panic attack because of severe derealisation, I didn’t know it was weed what I was smoking so I had no idea what was going on with me). I also never ever had any hallucinations, heard voices or something like that. I have had anxious personality for a while, like since I was 12 years old. I think I might’ve picked that up from my mother, who is herself an anxious, overreacting worrier that does not handle stress well. I also didn’t tell my parents about my suffering. They wouldn’t understand, I also didn’t felt confident enough to do it. My father is not very talkative, he keeps most of feelings for himself and shows only the detached, strong personality.
Well, I fear that if I don’t have the mental illness now, I secured it on myself in the years that come, due to severe stress and crazy anxious thoughts that seem to pop up out of nowhere, stick in my head and scare me. I have my whole life in front of me and I fear very much being locked in an institution, detached from the people I love, from doing things I love. How do you guys handle this fear, this irrational thought of anticipation? Also I don’t know if it’s important. I already had depersonalisation in my life (i think only once or twice), probably after suffering intense stress during the time my parents were fighting.
Lately I've been feeling really dull, empty, dead inside, almost can't feel any emotion. Also my panic attacks have left me (I think for good, I just can't panic anymore). I also seem to have stopped having racing mind, only intrusive thoughts remain. I almost want my old feelings of dread panic return, because now it feels really wierd when I don't have panic or anxiety attacks. I also read about some changes in my brain leading to mental illness, is this the case? Am I finally going crazy? :D
I would really appreciate any response from you. Cheers :)