The reason why I'm miserable...

[penitentMalefactor]

I am stupid. What do you think when you read those words? "No you're not." "You're just being too hard on yourself." "Oh, don't say that!"

Except in my case... it's actually true. Really. I live with it every day, and every day it frustrates the living hell out of me.

I'm slow, I'm inattentive, I get confused easily, I'm forgetful, I fail to understand the simplest of things that everyone else automatically knows. It has a significant negative impact on my life.

Yet when I mention it, it just... gets dismissed as "low self-esteem." In this way, people don't believe it's a real issue. They think it's all in my head. But that's not true. It is a real issue, and it makes my life far harder than it should be.

And I don't know what the hell I should do about it. I could never figure it out. This in itself frustrates me terribly. Then with people refusing to help me figure it out, all hope of overcoming it is destroyed and the intense hopelessness makes me want to end it all.

How do you become... not-stupid? I thought maybe having a job might help, but it hasn't. Not really. Not even after all these years. In fact, half the time it just highlights how stupid I am...

I'm frankly tired of always despairing over how my defects ruin my life. How do I stop being stupid? How do I become the intelligent, sharp-minded person that I should be? I need to know.

[BWACIT]

First of all, if you really are having trouble understanding things and focusing, you might want to see a doctor or therapist for some type of mild disability and such. But just so you know, EVERY FREAKING PERSON ON THIS PLANET FEELS THE SAME WAY! Honestly, I have gone through days of my life thinking about how stupid I am, and when I find myself in large groups of people I drift off and Incan rarely follow a conversation. And on top of that, I feel like I must be living in a hole or something because Inrarely know what people are talking about.
Just remember, if you can write a post on this forum with near perfect grammar, you can't be that stupid, can you? Stay strong!

[JustaGal]

I am stupid. What do you think when you read those words? "No you're not." "You're just being too hard on yourself." "Oh, don't say that!"

Except in my case... it's actually true. Really. I live with it every day, and every day it frustrates the living hell out of me.

I'm slow, I'm inattentive, I get confused easily, I'm forgetful, I fail to understand the simplest of things that everyone else automatically knows. It has a significant negative impact on my life.

Yet when I mention it, it just... gets dismissed as "low self-esteem." In this way, people don't believe it's a real issue. They think it's all in my head. But that's not true. It is a real issue, and it makes my life far harder than it should be.

And I don't know what the hell I should do about it. I could never figure it out. This in itself frustrates me terribly. Then with people refusing to help me figure it out, all hope of overcoming it is destroyed and the intense hopelessness makes me want to end it all.

How do you become... not-stupid? I thought maybe having a job might help, but it hasn't. Not really. Not even after all these years. In fact, half the time it just highlights how stupid I am...

I'm frankly tired of always despairing over how my defects ruin my life. How do I stop being stupid? How do I become the intelligent, sharp-minded person that I should be? I need to know.

I like to read about all of the creative, innovative, and geniuses that have challenges. Anxiety, depression, ADD, dyslexia, blind,paralyzed, etc,. It gives me inspiration. Check it out
http://mentalfloss.com/article/12500/11-historical-geniuses-and-their-possible-mental-disorders

So what you can do is take classes on how to develop learning skills, get involved in development programs. It is up to you to make the progress. I just got my degree at the age of 45. : )

Best wishes!

[Im-Suffering]

I like to read about all of the creative, innovative, and geniuses that have challenges. Anxiety, depression, ADD, dyslexia, blind,paralyzed, etc,. It gives me inspiration. Check it out
http://mentalfloss.com/article/12500/11-historical-geniuses-and-their-possible-mental-disorders

So what you can do is take classes on how to develop learning skills, get involved in development programs. It is up to you to make the progress. I just got my degree at the age of 45. : )

This person is not inherently stupid (in his terms), this person was told he was stupid, incapable, and unworthy. Made to feel less than his peers (repeatedly). The OP then is more of a statement in a world to which he cannot relate. Made to feel outcast. This is either through mental or physical abuse, or both. Therapy is recommended, face to face.

Congratulations on your degree.

Now, generally speaking, and for you:

We work within the framework we have, there are basically no boundaries to the self capabilities except those within, and to an extent a man without an arm cannot grow a new one. People risen above their perceived handicap are not handicapped at all but focusing acutely in one area over the other. The disability acting as the focusing lens, a tool. In these terms innately, those seemingly disabled have their own agenda, and since the focus in one direction is so acute, they are able to achieve great successes, where the avg man is 'jack of all trades, master of none'.

The conditions and terms of any life are chosen, you see. And I do realize that is a stretch for most readers. Who would choose a handicap? So many autistic have magical abilities. They have simply chosen a set path of achievement without the usual clutter. The universe has order in all cases.

If the OP was not conditioned thereof, he would be able to recognize and utilize his special gifts, even if he was so- called "stupid and bumbling" because the closing off of one possibility automatically opens the way toward others. These other directions would have not been utilized if not for the *stupidity" you see. If the road is filled with debris you find another road.

The "creative, innovative, and geniuses" utilize what they have, and in most cases (what your seeing) are the result of multiple lives. So you will see the child coming in with unusual (gifted) inspiration (or a 'stubborn' streak of focus). He/she would have also chosen the parents and environment both suited to its purpose. When I say multiple lives, for example, you have a scientist on the verge of discovery, and he passes. He will be most anxious to continue his work before too much time has passed. Celebrities as well take many generations (lives) to make a name for themselves that the world will remember (fine tuning the personality and appearance). Personhood is not limited to time or one body. There is trial and error.

Often you have multiple personalities arriving one at a 'time' (from a gestalt 'identity', the 'whole').

Because you are blocked off in memory after death, this appears a mystery to you.

I thought you might find this interesting :) some of life secrets exposed for you.

[JustaGal]

This person is not inherently stupid (in his terms), this person was told he was stupid, incapable, and unworthy. Made to feel less than his peers (repeatedly). The OP then is more of a statement in a world to which he cannot relate. Made to feel outcast. This is either through mental or physical abuse, or both. Therapy is recommended, face to face.

Congratulations on your degree.

Thank you so much! : ) I was also made to feel like a outcast. Still feel like one! I agree OP is not stupid, OP wrote a well written post. Therapy falls under my development program suggestion for sure.

[Im-Suffering]

Thank you so much! : ) I was also made to feel like a outcast. Still feel like one! I agree OP is not stupid, OP wrote a well written post. Therapy falls under my development program suggestion for sure.

I added some to the post in regards to your interests on people that show genius, innovation, etc. You will have to read with an open mind however :) I hope you find it interesting.

[JustaGal]

I added some to the post in regards to your interests on people that show genius, innovation, etc. You will have to read with an open mind however :) I hope you find it interesting.

Thank you, yes - it is interesting. Equally intriguing is how some people are so determined to go way beyond perceived limitations to full fill their dreams. Helen Keller etc...
Makes me think I need to get over my self pity.. HA!

[Im-Suffering]

Thank you, yes - it is interesting. Equally intriguing is how some people are so determined to go way beyond perceived limitations to full fill their dreams. Helen Keller etc...
Makes me think I need to get over my self pity.. HA!

Speaking of self pity, look at the Nic of the OP.

Penitent:

"feeling or showing sorrow and regret because you have done something wrong"

"feeling or expressing humble or regretful pain or sorrow for sins or offenses"

[JustaGal]

Speaking of self pity, look at the Nic of the OP.

Penitent:

"feeling or showing sorrow and regret because you have done something wrong"

"feeling or expressing humble or regretful pain or sorrow for sins or offenses"

Are those the same as self pity? Those seem more noble

[danielhermanson]

Some people were born with native intelligence and other needed to learn it through their lifetime. The fact that you are born with intelligence can help the individual a lot, making the live much easier but it doesn't mean that you can not become intelligent if you want to. It is all in your power, you will have to learn how to be intelligent through different techniques. There are a lot of methods to learn how to become intelligent and it take a lot of time, in fact it begins from the childhood.

It is harder for but not impossible. Everybody can become intelligent including you, you just need to set your mind to do it and do it! Educate yourself and your brain to think faster, act faster by using memory exercises and a completely new mind set!

Don't be upset, try and use your energy to change your way of thinking and train your brain to be much faster.

Take care!

[Im-Suffering]

Are those the same as self pity? Those seem more noble

If he calculated his words purposefully, than the Church would have something to do with his shame, guilt. Whether indirectly through family or directly. In the case of religion he would never be able to live up to expectations, however lofty they were concealed.

Self pity ('i am this, or that') in that context would be innate (born sinful) .... no wonder the powerless feelings.

Self pity destroys initiative. The result of criticism. It has no purpose other than to learn its opposite, that one is worthy, capable, trusted, and competent (contrast to stupid).

[penitentMalefactor]

Wow, blimey... I wasn't expecting so many responses. Thank you, everyone.


If he calculated his words purposefully, than the Church would have something to do with his shame, guilt. Whether indirectly through family or directly. In the case of religion he would never be able to live up to expectations, however lofty they were concealed.

I'm not sure I can really explain this very well, but I basically feel that I am a sinner in a kind of... non-theistic sense? If that's even possible?? I just do so many awful things. I try to keep out of the way of others, but always manage to get in the way in the end. The last thing I want to do is make life harder for others, and yet it's almost all I seem to do in the end. The moment I start to think I'm doing good is the moment I screw up and remind myself why I grew to hate myself in the first place. Luckily, now that I live alone and have little contact with others outside of work, I have fewer chances to mess up and make people angry, but still...

I do want to find a way to make up for all the terrible things I do, though. After all, the duty of all people born to this planet is to have a positive impact of some sort. But not being so prone to stupidity, it seems, is a rather important part of that. Not that I won't still try, but...

[Im-Suffering]

I am a sinner

I just do so many aweful things

I do want to find a way to make up for all the terrible things I do

List them.

1)
2)

and so forth.

The following post is for all readers, any of you, that feel badly about yourself:

There is no duty (to have a positive impact on the world), there is only you being you, not the you with the crap overlay, but utterly who you are. Acting as who you are not will not get you to who you wish to be unless you realize its purpose. (wake up) Someone (s) abused you, and its not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You deserve to be with peers, to make mistakes (joyfully), to be utterly you and use your unique gifts naturally expressed. Then you will change the world, just by being alive, period. You see it as effort because of the conflicts and internal struggle with that negative voice...I say..Who was it that filled your head. Who is that voice?

Every single word of every post of yours is a lie about who you are. Every single word of every post of yours is a false belief, from an insidious caregiver who subliminally conditioned you into believing you are less. (or nothing at all) Every single word you tell yourself in your head in every sentence of every thought of every moment that does not feel good and belittles the self is a lie, period, no exception no matter what you have done. You only did what you did because they said you would, to prove them right.

Your words:

"After all, the duty of all people born to this planet is to have a positive impact of some sort."

DUTY TO YOURSELF, TO GET YOUR HEAD STRAIGHT, AND FEEL GOOD, AND INTERMINGLE WITH PEERS BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTHY, UNIQUE, TALENTED, SMART, FUNNY, COMPASSIONATE, LOVING, CARING, WARM, GIFTED...

I am giving you a strong message today, because these ideas of yourself that you hold are ingrained (through trauma) although intuitively you know them to be untrue. No living creature hates itself innately, period. That is not part of creaturehood or the DNA (born sinful). Only through abuse, and a mind open to negative influences, repeated suggestions, can a being begin to believe is it inferior in some way. To feel badly about the self is the dis-ease. The duty is to you, not the world. The world can wait.

Hate is love turned inside out. You hate that you feel separate from who you are. Make the distinction. You cannot hate the self, because you do not know the self. The self that you know is the self you were told to have. Hate if expressed, naturally, is meant to bring you back to love. Love contains all emotions.

Now do not respond to this with "But I do hate myself, Im no good, Im sooo bad", Respond with "Ok, maybe im not what I was told that I am, what can I do?"

[penitentMalefactor]

(really intriguing post, thank you!)

Heh, I chuckled at that last part. I do definitely think you're onto something here, though. I have often felt like there's a 'real me' buried underneath many layers of crap. I don't feel like anyone other than me is responsible for those layers of crap accumulating, but I suppose that's neither here nor there.

So how does one cut through the crap to get to the real self?

[Im-Suffering]

Heh, I chuckled at that last part. I do definitely think you're onto something here, though. I have often felt like there's a 'real me' buried underneath many layers of crap. I don't feel like anyone other than me is responsible for those layers of crap accumulating, but I suppose that's neither here nor there.

So how does one cut through the crap to get to the real self?

Give me some time. I'm a medium so I never know when it hits me. We will see.

But that post above took about 2 hours to get out, read it a few times.

Everything is the crap at this point. the crap is the lens. No viewpoint escapes being filtered through and critiqued by it. Since you can't discern it, then you must use your feelings. "This thought, does it make me feel good or bad?" All bad feelings are the crap.

Maybe more later. So far enough to begin to question your beliefs. To look into your conditioning as a child.

Look for a theme. "I was bullied both at home and at school" would be self worth for example. As this person was bullied and after came the beliefs during the trauma, "I'm no good, I'm weak, and incapable. Unloved". Now grown up a bit, you would have forgotten the connection, and now just live the beliefs. Forgetting the bullying and the child's reaction, or self talk, in the present you would have low self esteem and not know why..

That's all for now

[jogosdofriv]

Thank you so much!