New member - health anxiety problems

[Theconstantworrier]

Hi thank you for having me.

I've never really discussed my anxiety problems with anyone in any detail, but have got to the point I think I need to.

A bit of a back story, I had a great childhood, my mom has always been a worrier and I have inherited some of her traits which I think is natural. My dad was always very carefree and kept my mom grounded. When I was 20 we lost my dad to brain cancer, he suffered with it for 18 months until it sadly took him this was in 1999.

I spent my 20s having fun acting like a normal 20 year old, I got married and sadly divorced not that long afterwards, and then met my now husband in my late 20s. I put on quite a bit of weight (Which I have no lost) but found myself hiding away more and more incase I saw anyone I knew because I was so insecure.

In 2012 I decided to make a change and I quit smoking and started the weight loss. The problem is within this time my anxiety seems to have gone through the roof, I constantly think I have a life threatening condition.
It started with a lump feeling in my throat that wouldn't go away, I saw the GP and got referred, had a camera down my throat and concluded anxiety was the cause....as soon as I got this diagnosis it stopped.

Things went on and every time one thing was ruled out something else would crop up. I had chest pains over three days, so I went to A&E eventually they checked me, did an ECG and found nothing. I used to suffer from eczema as a child and this has re started in the last year, I had a patch on one of my breasts so convinced myself I had breast cancer so got checked out, again fine. The eczema started to spread and started an issue with a mole I have on my back...soon I was convincing myself the mole was cancerous and that is why it was itching, so again I got it checked out.
I've found a lump on my head, had it checked at GP again fine, and the most recent thing was shortness of breathing (I have suffered asthma only mild since a child too) I went to take my inhaler and it was empty and out of date so went to the out of hours GP ....except when I told my symptoms, tingling in my legs, chest pains, shortness of breath the doctor straight out asked me do you suffer from anxiety as this sounds like symptoms.

So we get to present day, I have an ongoing 'thing' which has been around since my early 20s on and off and that's a strange fluttering sensation under my left rib, sometimes I find myself having to sit a certain way because I get an odd feeling there, eventually this goes on for a good few days and I start to get the odd jabbing pain, I also sometimes suffer IBS.

Now of course I think the worst, I have pancreatic, stomach, spleen problems etc, basically any organ that can be found on the left side. I've recently taken up karate, for the whole hour and a half session I can high kick, punch, do moves and I get no pain no sensation nothing. I can go out somewhere for the day and again I get nothing, I can only conclude that when I am sat doing nothing I'm thinking about it and causing it myself.

I'm so sorry for the essay but I really don't know how to get myself out of this frame of mind, recently my mom has been diagnosed with bowel and liver cancer, so now I'm convincing myself with both parents having cancer I stand no chance, and then I start to think terrible thoughts about how I would rather just end things so I don't have to go through having it. Please note I really am not suicidal it's just fleeting thoughts but they are there never the less.

I guess I'm just looking for a bit of reassurance, I'm sick of going to the doctors for things, I have concluded if I did have a problem it would be an issue all the time not just when my mind is free to wonder, and I certainly wouldn't be able to do martial arts comfortable with no issues at all....ugh I just feel truly fed up. Thank you for listening.

[jjm2894]

Hey! Welcome. I myself am fairly new... or back from a 3 or 4 year hiatus. Long post so I'll respond to bits and pieces.

First of all, for the reassurance: you are fine. When I look at all of your past symptoms and fears, many of them are so similar to mine. That's how I know, beyond a doubt, that you're as healthy as I am. It helps me to think back on all the times I thought I had something wrong, and realize that in spite of all of those times when I thought I surely had a deadly disease... I was wrong. I was fine. And I still am.

If you can find it in yourself to actually believe all of those doctors that have told you time and time again that you're perfectly healthy, you will feel so much better. Accept that you're healthy. Embrace it. That's when the relief comes for me: when I realize that despite all of my past fears, I'm here, years later, perfectly fine.

I know it's so much easier said than done. Just remember that perspective is everything—you just have to find and try new ways to regain it! Best of luck to you. :)

[Im-Suffering]

my mom has always been a worrier and I have inherited some of her traits which I think is natural. My dad was always very carefree and kept my mom grounded. When I was 20 we lost my dad to brain cancer, he suffered with it for 18 months until it sadly took him this was in 1999.


What I have cut from your post is the main issue (that requires healing). Read it. Feel it.

At 20 that sort of shock cannot be processed correctly, and never was. That coupled with your mother's (and yours) pension for worrying and you have the recipe.

Now, he suffered for 18 months, but so did you.

Thinking will do nothing, because the emotions are not stored in thought. The only way to salvation is to feel, again. When dad passed, a piece of the heart closed, the brain shut down the pain, and the body absorbed the emotions. Now the body is full, you see. Like a pressure cooker, all these physical symtoms.

Feel, feel, feel. Feel that young girl for those 2 years. Feel her thoughts going to bed each night. Feel the fear, the uncertainty, the anger, the RAGE, the hopelessness, the helplessness....it was your dad, and it's unfair.

He needs you to understand this, to move on with your life. To have fulfilling relationships, peace, joy, love....understanding.

No blame, no guilt, no shame, for the way you acted in some ways (toward him or about him)....none of this is your fault. You are perfect (in his eyes). Your feelings were justified.

I am a medium, you see. Read my other posts if you wish, and then come back and re-read this. Feel the child in you that's so sad....that doesn't want to live...In a place...that is so unfair...uncontrollable....untrustworthy....by healing the self you will act as a blanket for mom, healing a piece of her...a piece of her died that day. I feel it in the chest.

You have a probable wonderful future ahead, should you clear the mental debris toward love, light, peace, rejuvenation, clearing the way for the soul to progress.

That is all I have for now, I could go on, but it's enough to start you off.