Helpless, Hopeless, not caring, depressed? Anxiety? Adhd!? I dont know.

[KentHelpless]

Im a 20 year old guy, who's struggled very much so ever since grade 9 ended. I used to be so funny, and happy, and always trying to get people laughing whether that be as the class clown or just a good friend with a sense of humour. Thats gone, all of it. Fast forward to now, and I don't know what is wrong with me. Ive been going on a downhill slope for a long time, but maybe its just too hard to hide now, i feel hopeless all the time, i hate my job, i hate the TYPE of job it is (cooking). I know i don't want to do that, but thinking of anything else makes me worry and freeze, then i just end up doing the same thing everyday.... Sleep way too much, til about 3pm since i stay up til 5am, then go to work, come home, and do the same thing.. play xbox or watch tv til 5am or so, most of the time just staring at my computer, telling myself im hungry or whatever, and not doing anything about it, just staring into the screen and watching the time fly by.

I have no idea why im like this, but I think it could be depression, anxiety, SOCIAL anxiety, or Adhd with maybe another disorder. I hate my life right now, quite honestly, and don't know where to turn. As im typing this im worried i will not get a response cause im literally just typing what im thinking, so maybe someone can relate. As you can see my thinking is rapid and doesn't make a whole lot of sense, which is another frustrating thing for me, a lot of the time im thinking so much i cant say anything out loud. I dont remember it being like htis before. Example: Someone will be telling me instructions at work, eye contact, nodding, but it goes in one ear and out the other cause im thinking of a detail he said, or what im going to respond with(which doesnt make sense i you forget what they said) I don't talk to people too much, cause i feel like Im good at introducing myself, and generally being nice, but i can never bring up a topic, or a story, even though i have some, they are all lost on me when i need them. So i tend to just keep quiet do my thing and it makes it worse, spiraling downward in social life right now.

I don't really know what im going to get out of posting this, im just so down all the time, and maybe someone can relate in some way. I should also mention that I did get tested for ADHD over the summer, with the final answer being... Maybe; too many emotional problems to make a definite diagnosis.

With that being said i know i have something messing with my concentration, and motivation. my childhood wasnt the greatest, i only recently noticed i dont remember much fun or happy memories from it, which makes me feel, well, thats the worst type of feeling i think, knowing my childhood is past yet, not getting the most out of it. I thought maybe adhd back then made me zone out, was teh reason for some poor grades, and the many MANY arguments ive had with my parents.(that still occasionally happen) Im just so irritable these days that i don't want to talk to anyone, only people at work i need to talk to. Everything and everyone else im an emotionless blob, one that just wants to quit his job, and repair my mental state. How to do that, i have no idea, and quite frankly.. no hope. I know my thoughts are irrational, thats what keeps me going, but i long for the days where i can just sit on a sunny patio, drink a cool beer, and have a good time with friends, who ive isolated myself from(more shame).

I shall respond to anyone who responds to this, id love to get some hope, inspiration, answers. There is so much more to my problems then just this. I just want to be loved.
Thanks

[TB1]

Hi there. I've had similar issues with you, and I know how not fun they are. My strongest recommendation for you is to schedule an appointment with your doctor and tell him everything you just wrote in this thread. It'll do you some good to be able to get this off your chest, and it'll be at least a little bit comforting knowing that you confided with someone who can give you what you need to feel better, or at least send you in the right direction.

I know that may not be exactly what you wanted to hear, but just keep in this mind: by telling us about how you feel, you have already gotten started on the path to feeling better. It won't be over in a couple nights, and there will be times where you feel just as lousy as you do right now, but as long as you have the willingness to keep moving forward, you will find a way to be happy again. I promise you that.

[KentHelpless]

Hi there. I've had similar issues with you, and I know how not fun they are. My strongest recommendation for you is to schedule an appointment with your doctor and tell him everything you just wrote in this thread. It'll do you some good to be able to get this off your chest, and it'll be at least a little bit comforting knowing that you confided with someone who can give you what you need to feel better, or at least send you in the right direction.

I know that may not be exactly what you wanted to hear, but just keep in this mind: by telling us about how you feel, you have already gotten started on the path to feeling better. It won't be over in a couple nights, and there will be times where you feel just as lousy as you do right now, but as long as you have the willingness to keep moving forward, you will find a way to be happy again. I promise you that.

Thanks for your post, I probably need a new doctor, as i have a poor relationship with him, but haven't really done anything about it, since i dont see him much anyways. Only recently have i seen him and that was august, when he prescribed me strattera(which i didnt like) for a month and havent been back since. That was all from that adhd non diagnosis that made me 10x worse everyday since because i still technically don't know whats wrong with me. I just know how horrible it is everyday, days off are spent worrying about days on, and days on are spent worrying about everything i have to do and what im probably not going to do on my off days since i sit at home all the time usually. Point is, I don't feel i can talk to my doctor about this, ive relied on willpower which is fading more and more each day. I don't want to work i just want to relax and do new things and find something that will make me happy. Being a grade 12 drop out is a hamper on my life as im almost 21 at which point i wont be able to go back to regular high school to complete it. I need to complete it to do anything but this horrible cooking job but you know, no willpower or motivation is happenin, Its a bad cycle right now, im running as fast as i can through this thick, deep wet mud puddle.