quietblueeyes
11-20-2014, 01:53 PM
I'm a 40 year old woman and I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for most of my life. My anxiety is general, but also tends toward social and health.
I'll start with my most recent issues and work backwards. . .in mid-October, my anxiety flared and included full blown panic attacks. The panic attacks have subsided (it's been at least a week since the last), but the anxiety is still coursing through me like a burst dam. There always seems to be a current under my skin, and I'm waiting to explode. Lately, the outlet for the anxiety has been health. I fixate on every sensation in my body or on any small anomaly I feel or see and immediately assume disaster is imminent. I feel like I can't tell the difference between something that can be a genuine health concern and something that anxiety is magnifying or creating. It's hard to let go of the idea that something is wrong with me.
This is the first time it's been this bad in a few years. Around 2007, I started having panic attacks for the first time, including health related panic. I went to the ER twice - once convinced of a heart attack, and the second convinced I had a brain tumor or a stroke. There were times when I could hardly walk without assistance and dealt with a lot of derealization.
I have a few rules in place to help me - I never leave a place if I'm experiencing anxiety or panic. I make myself complete whatever tasks I planned and fight my way through it. Otherwise, I have no idea how to handle it.
But that's just it. . .I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of having something to fight in the first place. I don't want to scratch my neck and then think I feel a bump and fall into hysterics.
Otherwise, I have a pet bird (another source of anxiety), a husband, and a love of musical theater.
I'll start with my most recent issues and work backwards. . .in mid-October, my anxiety flared and included full blown panic attacks. The panic attacks have subsided (it's been at least a week since the last), but the anxiety is still coursing through me like a burst dam. There always seems to be a current under my skin, and I'm waiting to explode. Lately, the outlet for the anxiety has been health. I fixate on every sensation in my body or on any small anomaly I feel or see and immediately assume disaster is imminent. I feel like I can't tell the difference between something that can be a genuine health concern and something that anxiety is magnifying or creating. It's hard to let go of the idea that something is wrong with me.
This is the first time it's been this bad in a few years. Around 2007, I started having panic attacks for the first time, including health related panic. I went to the ER twice - once convinced of a heart attack, and the second convinced I had a brain tumor or a stroke. There were times when I could hardly walk without assistance and dealt with a lot of derealization.
I have a few rules in place to help me - I never leave a place if I'm experiencing anxiety or panic. I make myself complete whatever tasks I planned and fight my way through it. Otherwise, I have no idea how to handle it.
But that's just it. . .I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of having something to fight in the first place. I don't want to scratch my neck and then think I feel a bump and fall into hysterics.
Otherwise, I have a pet bird (another source of anxiety), a husband, and a love of musical theater.