I find myself suddenly struggling with anxiety!

[JonasM93]

Hi everyone, my name is Jonas, I'm 21 :)
I've been exhibiting symptoms of generalised anxiety and social anxiety since my early teens, but experienced pressure from home and school to 'channel' my worries into something productive. This proved entirely impossible (unlike, say, anger or frustration, which are energetic emotions to me), and given that the term 'anxiety' was connotated with depression and mental illness in my book, it never struck me to think of my nervous inclination as anything other than misplaced energy.
This has all changed in the past year or so, as it turns out that I am terribly afflicted with ADHD, and that it has been a driving force behind much of my behavior (forgetfulness, impulsivity, inattention; the whole package). As I have come to terms with the indisputable truth of this condition, and its implications (both positive and negative), I find myself turning more inward and trying to wrestle free some of those repressed, emotional signals that I have been steadily receiving for a decade.
As it turns out, I'm anxious about almost everything: I avoid phonecalls for weeks; postpone laundry in case I meet someone from my block for days; avoid coming too close to people in the street by accident (even friends, lol) due to fear of one-second-long chit chat; raising my hand to answer questions in class; talking to people in general is a terrible task, my heart racing and sweat pumping... The list could fill this whole thread. I have experienced all these things and dozens more for as long as I can remember, but they have been swept under the blanket as "normal" and "healthy" quirks and habits. In connection with my ADHD diagnosis, I have had the chance to relay these worries of mine to a psychiatrist, and she was on me almost before I stopped talking with, "My dear friend, that is /not/ how most people react in those situations, you are describing a very anxious person."

This was a revelation to me. I have worked all my life to create methods and behavioral patterns that strongly mitigate these "symptoms", and my classmates describe me as 'usually confident and well formulated', and were collectively shocked when I revealed to them that my heart is going 130 bpm every time I raise my hand to answer a question.

Now, finally, my question to you guys is this: I am experiencing a tremendous amount of distress as I am learning more about myself and this shadow side. Do you have any tips or tricks for approaching this matter intelligently and sensibly? I would prefer to refrain from medication until I have tried other options :)

Thank you in advance,
All the best
Jonas.

[Ryker]

Hi Jonas,

You ARE a normal and healthy individual, but some of them, like us, react like this in situations of stress.

This is just your body experiencing the perfectly normal, healthy and actually essential fight-or-flight reflex in certain situations and rather than repressing the messages as they hit your brain as the dull-as-dishwater normal people do, your brain amplifies them. That starts you worrying which is interpreted as more danger by your brain and that causes a stronger fight-or-flight response and so on.

It's how we're wired. You'll never become a repressor so you just need to learn how to drive your system. When you're driving a Porsche 911 you have to work the gears and brakes and wheel hard and accurately or you'll end up in a ditch. Or up a tree. That's where you are right now.

You've just got to learn how your brain and body work together, and then you've got to practice driving the thing in loads of different situations, pushing it harder and harder until you're an expert.

A really good book I would Recommend is Dr. Steve Peters' "The chimp paradox". It explains why these reflexes occur, and has some useful pointers towards exercises that will help.

Being in control is easier than you might think. It just takes a bit of time, dedication and hard work.

R.

[gypsylee]

Hi Jonas :)

Good answer there from Ryker.

I remember when my anxiety first came to a head at 19yo it was sooo frightening. I'm guessing that's where you're at. I can still get bad (twenty years later) under enough pressure, but I understand myself a lot better now and recover much quicker.

I think with anxious people the tendency is to add more fear, and things like guilt and shame, to the equation. So you have this basic reaction to stress and your nervous system gets all out of whack, and then you make it ten times worse by feeling bad about it. This becomes a vicious circle. I was so frightened and ashamed I added alcohol and drugs to the situation, which is a disaster.

Also, how your psychiatrist said "that is not how most people react.." - I remember telling my psych about how I think about the meaning of life, the nature of reality etc. He said something like "normal people don't think about those things". These sorts of comments are not helpful at all because they imply you are abnormal, which to an anxious person means "defective" or "crazy". That was my worst fear back then and I still remember it vividly..

So I think understanding and acceptance are really important. Talking to people here is a great first step.

Hang in there,
Gypsy